words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there having breakfast and Joey enters carrying a loaf of bread.]
Ross: Oh my God! Of course, of course. (To the class.) Umm, would you please excuse me for a moment? Umm, do you know each others hometowns? Why dont you (Motions that they should learn everyones hometown.) (To Phoebe) Wh-whats going on?
Ross: Do you realize I have a classroom full of students?
Chandler: Well, you couldnt get them anyway. Ian doesnt plan anymore and Derrick (Off of Rachel and Monicas looks) And Derrick is a name I shouldnt know.
Chandler: Why are you napping over here instead of over at your place?
Monica: Of course you can look at it! Yeah, I want your opinion too!
Monica: Yeah! Roses or Lilies? (Holds up a picture of each.)
Joey: Yes it is perfectly good, and it is not one of the places the duck got sick!
Phoebe: Okay, I will find someplace else to do the rest of my appointments. I just dont know what the big deal is!
Rachel: Hey-hey, yknow what? I dont care! Im not ashamed of my book. Theres nothing with a woman enjoying a little erotica. Its just a healthy expression of female sexuality, which by the way, you will never understand. (She goes into her room.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming out of the living room carrying his salad and a puzzlebeer! Cold beer. And he decides to fold up Phoebes massage table, but being Ross has trouble with it as there is a knock on the door. He sets the table back up and opens the door to reveal a beautiful woman.]
Mr. Geller: Which means you had seven years of beach fun and you cant put a price on that sweetie.
Chandler: Clearly I did not start drinking enough at the start of the meal. (Starts to make up for lost time and takes a big swig of his drink.)
Chandler: I dont know, my mother spent most of her money on her fourth wedding. Shes saving the rest for her divorce. And any extra cash my father has he saves for his yearly trips to (Pause) Dollywood.
Chandler: Well, close to (Notices Rachel leaning in to hear and decides to write it on a piece of paper and hand it to Monica as Phoebe averts her eyes.)
Monica: (To Chandler) How great are you, you little saver?! I mean, the-the amount you have is exactly the budget of my dream wedding!
Chandler: Well, youre not suggesting that we spend all of the money on the wedding?
Chandler: Well, come on, Ive been saving this money for six years and I kinda had some of it earmarked for the future, not just for a party.
Phoebe: (reading the slip of paper) Wow! (In a sultry voice) Hello, Mr. Chandler.
Monica: This is the most special day of our lives.
Chandler: No, I realize that honey, but Im not gonna spend all of the money on one party.
Ross: (chases her) Oh yeah, yeah? Well uh, when we were going out, I read tons of porno magazines! (Realizes a table of women overheard him.) (To that table.) Sup?
Ross: Okay, so it wasnt uh, a traditional massage. But I did give him accu-pressure with a pair of chopsticks. And, and I gently exfoliated him with, with a mop.
Monica: Listen umm, Ive been thinking, its not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.
Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and Im sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding.
Chandler: Well, stuff like whered we live, yknow? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Yknow, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, wed have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
Joey: (nervously backing away) I-I-I-I did? (He puts a stool in front of her.)
Rachel: (moves the stool out of the way) Yeah! Ohh, Ive been waitin so long to get on that body!
Phoebe: Okay, then you dont know what it feels like when one of them comes back. Do you? I believe this is my Mother. Even if Im wrong, who cares? Just be a friend. Okay? Be supportive.
Chandler: Yes, of course. (Shows him the tickets.)
Joey: (he stops screaming at action) "Take good care of your Momma son." (Again Alex does nothing.)
(He looks up at her face and Phoebe, slipping out of character, smiles back at him. Joey's voice becomes soft and warm.)
Announcer: Presenting the award for Favorite Supporting Actress is Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives. (Applause as Joey angrily walks to the podium and eyes the trophy.)
Mike: The woman I love... (he walks to Phoebe) I love you... Which is probably something I shouldn't say for the first time in front of my parents... and Tom and Sue...Who are by the way the most sinfully boring I've ever met in my life...
Rachel: Oh, yknow what you should get em? One of those little uh, portable CD players.
Ross: Well certain other people take two hours to eat a bowl of soup!
Rachel: Joey! Kinda in the middle of a story here!
Monica: You were staring about eight inches south of there.
Ross: Ah, no Mon, Dad had to buy everyone of your boxes because you ate them all. But ah, y'know Im sure thats not gonna happen this time, why dont I put you down for three of the mint treasures and just a couple of the Rudolphs.
Ross: Oh hey, show them the picture of your uterus.
Judy: (to Monica) I remember your first birthday! Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard! We had to take him to the emergency room! Ross: (pointing the camcorder at himself) There's something you didn't know about your dad!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Chandler are eating the cheesecake right out of the box.]
Cassie: Ill always remember that summer, because its when I got all of these freckles. (She pulls her blouse open to show him her shoulder and bra strap.)
(She don't got it as the couch slips out of their grips and falls over the bottom railing.)
Photographer: Now why dont we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody soldier.
Joey: Right-right up here. (Starts looking at them through a piece of pipe.)
[Scene: The museums worker cafeteria, Joey is eating lunch with the rest of the tour guides. Another tour guide tries to sit down in a seat Joey saved for Ross.]
Joey: Of course Im jokin! I dont take checks.
Dedicated to the People of New York City
Phoebe: Grasp one of the linen strips by its easy grab tab and pull it off in one quick pain free motion.
Phoebe: It’s for our wedding day! Right, now, is this guy gay or straight, because one of us gonna have to start flirting.
CHANDLER: This is nuts. This is crazy. She came over for like two minutes, dropped off a fish tank, and left, end of story.
Chandler: Yeah, were gonna need to see that tape. (They rest of them agree.)
Monica: I know! Although, you did tell an awful lot of jokes.
Chandler: Well maybe it was all of your questions.
[Scene: Kleinmans, a horde of women including Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica are waiting for the store to open.]
Ross: Look, forget it Phoebe. Okay? Its Rachels tape and she can do whatever she wants with it. And she wants to destroy it. So, end of story.
Janine: I just got a call to be a dancer on a television special for New Years Eve. Its called some sort of Dickn Rockn Dickie Eve.
Chandler: Look, forget it. We tried, but Phase Three is a lost cause, Okay? Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldnt picture myself with any of them. (Sits back in disgust.)
Conan: Matthew, you have a reputation with the rest of the cast that sometimes you like to, you like to fool around a bit. I mean like if somethings naturally going wrong you like to get in there and juice it a little bit. True or false?
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
EDDIE: Wha-, n-, no. I mean it's just a bunch of pretty people runnin' around on the beach, ya know.
MR. GELLER: I may not know any of your flash dances but I'm no slouch on the dance floor.
Monica: What is wrong with this freezer?! (She jabs her arm into the freezer and a piece of ice flies into her eye.) Ow! Ow!!
Ross: (gasps) Hi... There she is. Hi Emma. Oh my God, I missed you. (kisses her) Oh Emma, I missed you so much. Hey... Did you have a good time with grandma Green? Huh? Did she give you a bottle of anti-depressants again to use as a rattle? (to Rachel)
(He starts chasing her around Rachel a couple of times before she runs into the living room and he tackles her on the couch where he starts tickling her.)
Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
[Scene: At a writer's desk. The writer is working on a script for Days of Our Lives.]
(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and Ross start to get sick.)
Chandler: Yeah, y'know what I got a better idea. How-how bout it blocks none of mine door and a lot of yours? (throws his shoulder into the center to try and move it, but it doesnt move.)
Phoebe: Of course I can! Its just good sense to backup your backup! Look, Ive already lost Chandler!
Joey: Hey, can I ask you something? In this, in this picture of you and your wife, is your wife Rachel?
[Flashback to: A street, Ross is sitting in his newly purchased MGB. Which is one of the better British sports cars ever made. Of course, better is a relative term. Which reminds me of a joke. Why dont the British make computers? Because they couldnt figure out how to make them leak oil. Anyway, the gang is all staring at his new purchase.]
[Monica pulls out a bag full of airline bottles of liquor.]
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler and Monica are there, of course. Like who else would it be, duh!]
Chandler: Are you serious?! I mean like eloping?! No more stupid wedding stuff?! No more these flowers or these flowers or these flowersThink of the money well save!! (Monica just looks at him.) Were not eloping. I love the flowers. Can our wedding be bigger please?
Joey: Check it out. (He turns around, pulls down his pants, and shows Phoebe that hes got panties on.) How much of a man am I?!
(She picks up a charred piece of plastic that once was the Foster puppets, and starts to break down. Monica goes over and comforts her.)
Rachel: Oh my God! You are giving this a lot of thought.
Phoebe: I cant believe he taped the two of them having sex!
Ross: Uh, before we do uh, are any of Joeys special romance magazines in there?
Phoebe: No they ran out of "Its a girl" but I can fix this one, (She writes "not" in between its and a) See?
Transcribers Note: This is stuff we never saw from all of the seasons, so for all of the scene settings I will be using the current arrangements. Even though some of the out takes take place when Chandler was living with Joey and Rachel was living with Monica, when Joey and Chandler were living in Monica and Rachels, and the current arrangements.
Rachel: Oh really? So youre saying they just slid out of your bottom drawer, crawled across the floor, then jumped on to my desk?! (I think Dogbert should have a line here.)
(Joey starts wiping lint off of her back, but goes at little too far and Rachel just glares at him. He stops, gives her the okay symbol and walks away.)
(Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.)
Rachel: I ah, will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts.
Rachel: Yeah-yeah, did-didnt you use to have a pair? They were really round, burgundy, and they made you look kind of umm
(He starts to exit, but Chandler tries to stop him by climbing on his back and grabbing hold of the foosball table.)
JOEY: Maybe he, uhh... drives his car on the other side of the road, if ya know what I mean.
Monica: Okay if Mike were here what would the two of you be doing?
Ross: Well, because y'know there are certain rules about this kind of stuff. You don't uh, you don't fool around with your uh, friend's ex-girlfriends or possible girlfriends or girls they're related to.
Director: Whats the matter with you? Get out of here!
Monica: Oh! And dont let me leave without getting the name of that carpet guy.
Phoebe: No, Im-Im not sure about Hulk, but I like the idea of a name starting with "The."
Ross: Really?! (To Rachel) Hey, yknow what? Since you have such a great sense of what I need, uh ooh, heres-heres 60 bucks, why dont you take Phoebe down to that Colonial flea market of yours and get me some stuff.
Ross: Well yeah, but she doesnt know that. I mean, the last time she saw you-you wouldve turned one of those little wedding chairs into kindling.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is reading some book and Gunther serves him a cup of coffee.]
Phoebe: Yeah, but this (makes Monica's face) isn't the face of a person who trusts a person. Ok, this (makes Monica's face) is the face of a person who, you know, doesn't trust a person.
Chandler: Hey. (He sees that Ross is packing all of the hotel toiletries) Soaps? Shampoos? Are you really taking all this stuff?
Monica: I was the pile of coats!
Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?
Chandler: Oh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono! Uh... we may not know anything about radiators per se, but we do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating and cooling... mileu.
Emily: Well, you have to understand how humiliating it was for me up on that altar in front of my entire family, all my friends.
Rachel: Of course theyre listening to you! Everybody listens to you.
Monica: (giggles) Of course I have! What do you think, Im some 30 year old virgin?
RACHEL: (after a pause with everyone staring at her, she goes up to the microphone) Ya, know what Barr, I'm not gonna leave. I probably should, but I'm not, see 'cause I promised myself that I would make it through at least *one* of your weddings (da-doom-chesh). See now, tonight, all I really wanted was to make it though this evening with a little bit of grace and dignity. Well (laughing), I guess we can all agree that's not gonna happen. There's nothing really left to say except....(starts singing) "Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers (band joins in), feathers in her hair, and a dress cut down to there. She would..."
Rachel: Oh please. Okay, anyone in this room think that I would send Ross begging symbols, please show of hands. (Ross raises his hand and no one else.)
Ross: Uhm no! Think less of you! No, I don't think less of you. I mean, you saw someone you liked and you kissed them. I mean, those people who like someone and don't kiss them... those-those people are stupid, I hate those people.
(Ross angrily throws the kit into one of Monicas new boxes.)
Rachel: All right thats it! I am maid of honor!
[This starts a series of flashbacks beginning with Monica and Chandler in the waiting room in The One With the Birth.]
Ross: Yeah, a lot of my students do that.
Chandler: Uhh, youve had a lot of sex right?
Monica: Thats right. Get it out of your system while were alone.
Chandler: Oh please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here.
Monica: (Scoots towards the side of the bed.) Could you not look?
Ross: I can't believe this. I can't believe this is happening. I have to give the keynote speech tomorrow! Ok? I have to stand up in front of all these people. What am I gonna say?
Monica: Alright, well, this does not change anything. (to Chandler) Okay, we need to get something to grease the sides of his face.
Rachel: And not one of your coupons for an hour of "Joey Love."
(Matt turns back and looks and them, but instead of his next line he starts laughing.)
Phoebe: Cause youre still into Monica. So you told her there was somebody else so she would agree to work with you, so cause you figure oh if you spent a lot of time together, maybe something might happen, and...
Rachel: Oh Pheebs thats so sweet(Grabs a pair of pants)Ooh, those are so cute!
Joey: I didnt look at it. Stupid babys head was blocking most of it.
Rachel: Oh wow! That deserves another piece of candy.
(Ross walks in, eating cotton candy. Monica nudges Chandler who hides the picture in his magazine. Ross sits down on the chair, he seems kinda out of it.)
(Matt grabs his plate and takes some of whats on Rosss plate.)
Chandler: (comes out of the bathroom) Where's Monica?