words in movies
Dedicated to the great work of Eric Aasen, Guineapig and many, many more
Phoebe: I know! (Phoebe picks up a little packet of sugar, shakes it, and then realises she can't open it with one hand, but doesn't want to let go of Mike's hand. She tries to tear open the packet with one hand.)
Phoebe: Yeah, I kinda do. (Mike lets go of her hand) Well, how's this? (she takes Mike's hand and puts it on her breast, she tears open the sugar and puts it in her coffee. Mike thinks it over and nods appreciative. After that, they hold hands again. Joey now enters, and sees the two sitting on the couch, holding hands.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Both of them sitting on the couch, interviewing a nanny candidate.]
Ross: Boy, we uhm... hadn't really thought of that.
David: Well, just for a couple of days, uhm... I'm here to explain to the people who gave us our grant, why it's a positive thing that we spent all their money and uhm... accomplished uhm... nothing.
David: Are... are you kidding? You know, when you don't see someone for a long time, a-a-and you kind of build them up in your head and you start thinking about: Come on, don't be crazy. Nobody is that beautiful, but... well, you are. (Phoebe seems very charmed) Well, so, uhm... are you seeing... anyone? (Phoebe is still up on a cloud from what David just said)
Monica: No, it just remind me of something this guy did today at work. I told you about that funny guy, Geoffrey, right?
Sandy: I really do understand how hard it's gotta be to leave your child with another person. I mean, it's leaving behind a piece of your heart... (Ross has got that bored/angry/skeptic look and Rachel is very emotional)
Sandy: I realise how it's... a bit unorthodox for some people, but I really believe, the most satisfying thing you can do with your life, is take care of a child.
Ross: Yeah, kids say all kinds of crap. (In the other room Emma starts to cry.)
Ross: What kind of job is that for a man? A nanny? I-It's like if a woman wanted to be...
Sandy: I er... I hope you don't mind. I used some of my home-made lotion on Emma. It's a mixture of calendula and honey cream. It'll dry that rash right up. Plus... It keeps the hands young... (it makes Rachel smile)
Sandy: That's great! (He gets emotional again and waves his hand in front of his face in a feminine way, like trying to dry his tears) I'm sorry. It's just... such an emotional thing when you're welcomed into a new family...
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Phoebe just let David in who brought a bottle of wine.]
Phoebe: Well... but David, just... I just want you to know that... that... you know... telling you this... is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
Phoebe: Of course, yeah.(they hug and Phoebe sighs... a little after that also David sighs and makes his way to the door) You know, a kiss on the cheek wouldn't be totally inappropriate...
Rachel: What...? Too sensitive to take care of our baby?
Ross: This... this is exactly what I'm talking about. What kind of a guy makes... makes... delicate French cookies, huh? They're not even... butch, manly cookies with... with... you know with... with chunks. (takes a careful bite from the cookie)
Rachel: Well, I... you know, I-I-I don't know what to say... I mean, I never thought of you as a guy who needed his men to be men. You know, 'cause I gotta tell you Ross, it not like you just came in from branding cattle.
David: Uhm... uhm... Goodbye... Uh... Schto ya ztez vigul... ui... (David holds his hands gently on the back of Phoebe's neck. There's a sound of a a bunch of keys rattling, and the door opens... It's Mike)
Ross: ...a what? A what? What's the end of that sentence?
Monica: Yes... What is the end of that sentence?
Chandler: You got a man who's a nanny...? You got a manny...? (Monica starts laughing, but very exaggerated. Joey realises they also should laugh and punches Ross. Now all three of them laugh, but very fake. Chandler seems happy again.)
Phoebe: No, uhm... David and I did use to go out... but years ago, and he lives in Minsk. He's only... he's only in town for a couple of days.
Mike: Well... I'll... just show you what I'm gonna do about it... (he hits David's finger with his finger and they start to finger-fight using their fingers as swords saying all kinds of macho crap)
David: Right-o, right-o... (to Mike) Take good care of her. (and he leaves)
[Scene: Ross walks in the hallway to his apartment and stops in front of his own door. Now he hears two recorders playing a song. When he enters, Sandy and Joey are playing the recorder and Rachel listens.]
Sandy: Actually studies have shown that the movement and colours help their cerebral development... The whimsical characters are just for us. (He winks to Joey and Rachel. Ross's face says he disapproves. Joey sees that and kind of angrily says...)
Rachel: That was kind of rude!
Joey: (kind of emotional) I am learning so much from you.
Sandy: Oh, no, no, no... That's okay. I got a lot of offers from other families. I just picked you guys because... I liked you the best.
Ross: Why... I... I don't know. (Sandy tilts his head again) Uhm... errrr... maybe... maybe because of my father?
Ross: I mean, uhm... you know when I was growing up he was kind of a tough guy... You know a-a-and as a kid I wasn't the athlete I am now.
Sandy/Grumpus: And what's the one kind of boat that can never, ever sink?
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
Phoebe: (from the other side of the room) Yeah!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there and they are finishing watching the first episode of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey is of course Mac.]
Joey: I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Yknow it wouldnt kill ya to respect your wifes privacy! (He walks away and into his apartment and looks the door.) Stupid closet full of bugs!
[Scene: Central Perk. Frank Jr., Phoebe and the triplets are there. The triplets are now sleeping on top of each other on the couch.]
Rachel: Well, I was going to, but then I figured, you know... you're food is so delicious and perfect, you can never have too many of those pumpkin things.
Rachel: Well, lets see. Uh, they gave me cute doctor today and in the middle of the exam I put my pinky in his chin dimple.
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? Im home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess theres a few things you dont get from book learnin.
David: Well, after eight years of research I discovered that it can't be done.
Chandler: Well, there are other ways of winning back your money, how about a little uh, a little Blackjack? (Holds up a deck of cards.)
Joey: Ok, Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here to highlight the anguish of the central figure. Touch it, it's really bumpy! (Reaches out to touch the imaginary painting).
Joey: Okay, its an audio question, name this television theme song. (Starts humming the theme to I Dream of Genie.)
Rachel: Oh you're not. You're not gonna get in the middle of anything, don't worry about Ross really, really.(She hears the noise of the key in the lock) Oh! Hide! That's Ross! Hide! Hide!
(Everybody stands up and applauds. Ross looks flattered and surprised. His friends and other members of the audience go to congratulate him)
Phoebe: Okay. (she starts to stuff styrofoam peanuts down the front of Joey's pants.)
Rachel: Oh, well, I...It's kind of weird talking to you about this, but...
Monica: What kind of social situation are you comfortable with?
Rachel: Oh sorry didnt mean to interrupt. Its just such a beautiful space; do you do a lot of weddings here?
Ross: Wow, I hadn't thought of that. I hope not.
Monica: (interrupts him) If someone wants to give us a present, we dont want to deprive them of that joy.
Monica: Chandler, you don't wanna miss this. This is the birth of your child! It's the miracle of life!
Chandler: (To Monica) Well, now we have one of each! (To the doctor) And that's enough!
The Dry Cleaner: (entering) Son of a bitch!
David: Uh, Phoebe, uh... (Chandler hits his own head) you're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was, was unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help!
Joey: Im sending back all this stuff that Chandler bought out of guilt.
Chandler: Yes but there's six of us so we'd only have to get struck by lightning 7 times.
Ross: Oh no. Dad! Dad! What (He goes to open one of her boxes and it rips apart.) Oh God everythings ruined! Dad, shes gonna be crushed!
Mike: Seriously. Wanna make one of those?
Chandler: Whoa-ho, whoa! No, I was thinking about y'know for me, as a part of that whole getting over Janice thing you were talking about.
(They hug as Phoebe and Joey stare at the two of them.)
[Scene: The street right in front of Central Perk. Phoebe's cab is there. Ross and Phoebe run over and jump in.]
Chandler: All guys that are awake. Then we go to sleep and then all the guys from the other end of the world wake up and behave the exact same way.
Ross: (screaming) Get out of the cab!
Phoebe: Get out of the cab!
Phoebe: You should have thought of that before you got in!
Joey: We gotta get them out of there!
Receptionist: Here's your copy of the bill, we hope you enjoyed your stay.
Chandler: Do you have any beers? Were out of beers.
Monica: (gasps) Oooh! They are in for a world of pain!
Joey: Look, Rach, Rach! I've been with my share of women. In fact, I've been with like a lot of people's share of women. The point is, I've never felt about anyone the way Ross felt about you.
Fat Joey: Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! (Groans and picks up a piece of food.) How you doin?
Joey: (yelling) Don't worry, you guys, we're gonna get you out of there.
Chandler: We have to bust it open, but neither of us can do it!
Joey: Yeah, you didn't even use the tools for most of it!
Chandler: Yes, but, Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs.
(Everybody walks out of the plane.)
Rachel: Ah! You know what honey guys are just different, they like things that we can't understand, you know I once dated this guy who wanted to pretend he was an archeologist and I was a naughty cave woman that he unfroze from a block of ice.
Phoebe: Oh, thanks a lot. Do you want to get a cup of coffee?
Phoebe: Sorry Frank, I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do.
Phoebe: WellButNow, if-if you can achieve positronic distillation of sub-atomic particles yknow before he does, then he can come back. (They hug again.)
Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-
Ross: Hmm, a lot of this stuff is from Colonial times. Hey, what are some other time periods Rachel? (She glares at him.)
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
Ross: Uh-huh. Well, when the psychiatrist told me I had to take a leave of absence because I yelled at my boss I started to get worked up again, so he offered me a tranquilizer. And I thought was a good idea so, I took it.
[Scene: The Museum of Prehistoric History (Ross's work); Ross is in the break room eating lunch as his boss, Dr. Leedbetter walks in.]
Rachel: Well, I do, but you're just gonna have to actually look at this as more of an investment than a cat.
Rachel: Well yknow, we would umm, repeat everything the other said, or uh, wed jump out of closets to scare each other, or switch the sugar for the salt so theyd put salt on their cereal.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is drinking a gallon of orange juice as Chandler enters.]
Rachel: (looking at the bulletin board with baby pictures) So, which of these babies do you think is the ugliest?
Chandler: I know. See, yes. Thats Yasmine Bleeth, shes a completely different kind of chick. I love you both. But in very different ways.
Ross: Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game. But our Dad said, nobody won that game, and he was sick of our fighting, so he took the trophy and.... (pauses to collect himself, as he is on the verge of tears saying this) threw it in the lake.
Monica: I couldnt eat it! I had five friends who couldnt eat it, and one of them eats books.
Rachel: Ill take all of your photos and put them into photo albums!
ESTL: Oh, I see. Well, I'm just gonna put in a call here and we'll find out what's goin' on and straighten it out. [picks up the phone] Yeah, hi, Lori please. [pause] Hi darling. So how 'bout Joey Tribbiani for the part of the cab driver, isn't he terrific? [pause] Uh-huuuuh. [pause] Uh-huuuuh. OK, doll. Talk to you later. [hangs up] [to Joey] Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her.
Chandler: Wait. Before we go in, I just want you to know I love you. I had a great time on our honeymoon, and I cant wait to go in there and spend the rest of our life together.
Chandler: Ahh, just like the apothecary tables of yore
Ross: Fine! Its your life! (Starts to storm out mad about his failed attempt at the manipulation of his best friend and sister, but stops and tries one last time.) I just dont want to see you guys break up! Which you will do if you move in together, (Monica and Chandler just stare at him.) but thats what you want, theres nothing I can do. (Opens the door and tries one more time.) DONT DO IT!!!!! (Finally leaves.)
Rachel: I dont know, it was you and a bunch of albino kids.
Richard: Well I know I was an idiot! And I tried to forget you, I really did! Yknow after we had lunch last year I spent six months in Africa trying to get you out of my head!
Chandler: Right, I mean, come on, I'm sure that if you had a funeral or a memorial service, tons of people would come.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Cassie and Ross are watching a movie and Cassie is pouring Ross some more wine as Ross has his hands full with the glass and holding the bowl of popcorn in his lap.]
Chandler: Really? Struck down in the pribe of libe!
Rachel: You know what, I can't do this. I don't know which one of you guys to pick.
Rachel: Because, I feel like I wouldn't just be going out with him. I would be going out with all of you. Oh, and there would just be all this pressure, and I don't wanna...
Monica: What about all the guys that you've got the phone numbers from? Why don't you just kiss one of them?
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Chandler: Fine, but if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party...
JOEY: Angela? Joey Tribiani. Listen, what are ya doing tonight. I know your seeing that guy I was thinking maybe you could bring him.....Hello? Hello? (picks up a statue of an Indian and walks into his room)
Phoebe: Are you kidding? Im like the one who talked him into it. I like to think of myself as the puppet master of the group.
Chandler: No-no all kids are embarrassed by their parents, youd have to come up with a whole new word for what I went through. When I was in High School, he used to come to all of my swim meets dressed as a different Hollywood starlet. Yknow its hard enough to be fourteen. Youre skinny. Youre wearing speedoesThat your mom promised that you would grow into! And you look up into the stands and theres your dad cheering you on dressed as Carmen Miranda. We was wearing a headdress with real fruit that he will later hand out to your friends as a healthy snack!
Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, San Diego... right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, y'know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.
Phoebe: OK, I just need two... the, um, ten of spades and the six of clubs.
Isabella: ...because I have a list of five goofy coffee house guys and yesterday I bumped you for that guy over there. (points at a guy and leaves)
Rachel: (shocked) You have been maid of honor before?!!
The Doctor: Have we talked about the possibility of multiple births?
Rachel: It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving with my family. See, every year we go skiing in Vail, and normally my father pays for my ticket, but I sort of started the whole independence thing, you know, which is actually why I took this job.
Rachel: God, I hope he doesn't show up. Of course he's not gonna show up, the guy hates me.
Phoebe: Oh, she's that work of art I made, you know, with the woman coming out of the frame.
Joey: Yeah. Well, so far yeah. But it's tough you know? I got all this built up flirting energy and I don't know how to get rid of it. (Gives Chandler the "Joey-love," look.) How you doin?
Monica: So the wedding caterer sent me this list of twelve appetizers and I have to narrow it down to six.
(They realize the implication of their behavior, stop instantly and head for his bedroom. In the meanwhile, Joey is starring at Rachel in a seductive way.)
Rachel: Yeah so get ready to hear alot of ehm...boohaki, goshdarnit and brotherpucker.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that morning. The porn is still on, there are three women getting ready to shave the chest of some guy. Joey and Chandler are wondering why that guy is letting them shave his chest, and Monica and Rachel are eating breakfast at the foosball table.]
Chandler: Come on! I was there! (He's propped up with his hand on a statute of a naked guy. He winces and pulls his hand away.) I know he's the love of your life.
Phoebe: Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just because I didn't ask! Y'know?
Sarah: Really! Now this all better be here when I come back. (puts her plate back at her side of the table)
Ross: Yeah, see, I dont think its gonna that difficult considering this one wont be taking place in the basement of a Pizza Hut.
ROSS: Mom, there are so many people in my life. Some of them are seeing people and some of them aren't. Is that crystal?
Mike: You know, kinda think of it, the capital of Peru IS "vtox". (opens the kitchen cabinet) Oh god! Oh!
Rachel: I know you did. I'm just gonna deal with it, I'm just gonna deal with it. (Ross comes by, smoching with Julie on the phone.) I gotta get out of here. (Exits)