words in movies
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are finishing watching Die Hard on video.]
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Monica: Come on, was it somebody maybe you dated in college?
Chandler: No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive (Thinks a little while.) Hold on one second; let me check this out. (He gets up and grabs a photo album.
Joey: Hey! Whats going on?
Rachel: Oh, come on! This is crazy! Cant we just flip a coin?!
Joey: Come on! Admit it! That was the best nap you ever had!
Monica: Chandler! (Knocks on the door.) Chandler! I just figured out who you are!
Joey: Okay, all right, this is how its going to work. Were gonna give you hypothetical maid of honor situations and you will be scored on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the highest.
Rachel: Look Monica, getting cold feet is very common. Yknow, its-its just because of all the anticipation and you just have to remember that you love Chandler. And also, I ran out on a wedding. You dont get to keep the gifts.
Joey: (out of his Monica character) Very good! Drawing on your own experience, I like that!
[Scene: A random apartment building, Chandler and Monica are knocking on the door of the woman from the beginning.]
Joey: Yeah! I was thinking about maybe going upstairs and taking a little nap on my couch. (Raises his eyebrows, questioning Ross to see if he wants to join him.)
Monica: (entering) Hey, whats going on?
Leader: Whos next? (goes over and stands behind Ross, whos feverishly writing on his form, and clears her throat to get his attention.)
Chandler: Right, I mean, come on, I'm sure that if you had a funeral or a memorial service, tons of people would come.
Rachel: (takes off her robe) Oh! Look what happened! {Don't get your hopes up guys, we only get to see her from the back or from the neck up. Its times like these I wish that the networks would broadcast some nudity other than Denis Franz's butt.} (In her head.) Huh, check me out! I'm in my kitchen naked! I'm picking up an orange. (Does so) I'm naked! (Goes into the living room) Lighting the candles, naked, and carefully. (She backs anything that might have a point like a candle on her body away.)
Monica: Maybe because you used to be aloof, or that youre really sarcastic, or that, yknow, you joke around all the time. Or that you take off your clothes and throw them on the couch.
Rachel: You're sister? You're sister's asleep on the couch? (Danny nods, "Yes.") Ohhh! I saw her with you on the subway and now she's asleep on the couch!
CHANDLER: Our trains are on the same track, ok? Yeah, sure, I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same. Bitter Town. Aloneville. Hermit Junction.
Rachel: Well, heres another question for ya. Uhh, do you know what that silver knob on the toilet does?
Rachel: (entering) Hi! Im so sorry to barge in on your Valentines, but I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.
[Scene: The rest stop, Phoebe is on the phone to the motor club.]
Joey: (stands up, and throws his coat on the floor) Im Joey! Im an actor! I dont know squat about dinosaurs!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, a post-coital Monica and Chandler are recovering on the couch.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering to find Joey bingeing on the food from the fridge. Joey isnt doing all that well.]
Rachel: No! Come on its late, were not gonna go down to the office.
[Scene: Central Perk. Charlie is sitting on the couch and Ross enters.]
Chandler: (to Phoebe) Do you really find this attractive on him?
Dr. Schiff: Okay then, would you like to lie down on the table?
Fran: Look, youre cold, I have to pee, and... (indicating the sign) ..theres a cup of coffee on the window. How bad could it be?
Emily: (on answering machine) Hello Ross? It's Emily. (Rachel runs back into the room with the tequila.) I know this is out of the blue but uh, I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, maybe I am. I keep thinking about you and I'm wondering if-if we made a mistake giving up so fast. Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.
Conan: Its a tradition here on Friends after every taping for me to hang out with you guys, (They all laugh) talk down the episode umm The point of this whole thing is what people see in America is: they see Friends, they love the show, it looks like a smooth running machine, but behind the scenes theres deceit, mistrust, and hate. And I thought, I thought wed actually take a look at uh, yknow some of these moments where you guys arethere are mistakes. You make mistakes.
Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here?! Y'know?
Rachel: Come on Phoebe, look at that! They are not breaking up, look at them. Okay thats, you know what that is? That is a, that is a second date, thats what that is! Look at that, she just put her hand on his thigh...
Ross: (going up to Rachels closed door) Chandler? (He opens the door and looks inside and doesnt see him.) Chandler? (He checks the bathroom and still doesnt find him. He then finds a note on the counter. He picks it up and reads it.)
(She enters the apartment, leaving Dave in the hallway, to find Ross sitting on the couch with a big box.)
Mike: Hey, what's going on?
Rachel: Ill tell ya who should be embarrassed! Its you guys! Come on! This is ridiculous! Thank you very much, but I do not need you to get me a date!
Chandler: Yeah I gotta say thank you, I was really nervous. Yknow Ive been told I come on to strong, make to many jokes, and then it was really hard to sidestep that duty thing. (The interviewer doesnt understand) Duties. (Still doesnt.) Duties! (Still doesnt.) Poo. (Still doesnt.)
Chandler: Now, there is a dress laid out on your bed. (Monica stumbles on the steps.) Okay, (catches her) youre doing great. Youre doing great. Youre doing fine.
Chandler: It feels like we’re cheating on our house. And if we’re gonna cheat, shouldn’t it be with like a hot, younger house, that does stuff that our house won’t do?
PHOE: No, you are not, you are very attractive. You know what, I go through the exact same thing. Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everyting.
Monica: Okay. (Climbs back on his back.) All right.
Chandler: Come on! I was there! (He's propped up with his hand on a statute of a naked guy. He winces and pulls his hand away.) I know he's the love of your life.
Waiter: Look; you got stood up, who cares? We're gonna show you a good time. Just sit and relax. In fact, let me bring you a crab cake appetizer on the house.
Joey: Anyway, I started working on what Im going to say for the ceremony, do you wanna hear it?
Phoebe: You guys, we said we were gonna have fun! Come on, hey, remember the time (She starts laughing hysterically.) You dont remember?
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
Rachel: Nooo! Phoebe, of course there is more! I mean, I'll just go and talk to Monica and get an ETA on the pee-pee's!
Joey: Yeah, or you can teach him a lesson. Y'know? What you could do is you could rub something that really smells on your butt, all right? Then, when he goes to smack ya, his hand will smell. (thinking aloud) Now what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?
Monica: (to Phoebe) I swear I've seen birds do this on Wild Kingdom.
Rachel: Oh, really, really good. But enough about me, come on! Where-where are you from? What do you do?
Phoebe: I'm not gonna lie to you, Ross, it doesn't look good. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.
Monica: (as Rachel) Um, okay. You just called a little while ago about needing a signature on the admissions form. Well, it turns out we need a whole new one (little laugh) because uh, you see, I-I, I put the wrong name again. (Little laugh) 'cause um...
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is entering looking for Joey, but instead he finds Paul and Rachel making out on the couch.]
Rachel: Ok. (She sits on the bed and Ross sits near her) Thank you for coming with me today.
Rachel: I know you did. I'm just gonna deal with it, I'm just gonna deal with it. (Ross comes by, smoching with Julie on the phone.) I gotta get out of here. (Exits)
(Onstage theres a knock on the door and Kathy opens it. We dont see whats going on, only hear it.)
Joey: Dude, come on! French it u-up!
Mr. Franklin: Really? They love him down on six.
Phoebe: Before I start, I just wanna say that umm, I have a cold, so if I sneeze in the middle of song, it's not on purpose. Oh, except the last verse of Pepper People. (Starts to sing) Smelly cat, smelly cat. What are they feeding you? (Stops singing) This chick sounds good. (Singing) Smelly cat, smelly--(stops singing) Hey Gunther, be a good little boy and bring me a whiskey.
(The camera cuts to Wayne whos busy making out with Sarah and rubbing C.H.E.E.S.E.s controller on her back causing C.H.E.E.S.E. to go crazy. Joey starts throwing books at C.H.E.E.S.E. to get him to stop.)
Phoebe: Oh, thank God, 'cause that thing's really creepy! (looking outside the window) Look, there's Chandler. (he's on the street, talking to a woman)
Ross: Here they come, here they come. Oh-ho, if she kisses him goodnight, Im gonna kill myself, I swear. I cant, I cant watch this. (turns away, then quickly turns to look again) Come on, date over! Date over! Uh-oh, here we go, shes going in.
(Joey makes a frustrated face and noise and walks away. He knocks on the next door and it's answered by an old man.)
Ross: I know! Anyway, they asked me to be a guest lecturer! I mean its temporary, but uh, if they like me it could lead to a full time job. How great would that look great on a mailbox, huh? "Professor Geller."
Dr. Green: (on phone) just because youre not in love with the guy you cant
Ross: Come on Chappy, do your business. MAKE! MA-AKE! I did not sign on for this.
Joey: I ended up at Ross's place. Oh, I musta missed counted or something. (Looks out the window.) Damn! She's not there anymore. Oh, l-l-look, Ross is doing his 'Watching TV' bit. (We see Ross sitting on the couch and flipping through the channels on his remote.)
Rachel: (panics, turns around, picks up the phone, and pretend to talk on it) Hello?! (Listens) Oh, yeah! (To Tag) This is gonna be a while. Excuse me. (Tag leaves and she closes the door behind him, disgustedly.) Yeah!
Ross: Listen, can you do me a favor? I'm gonna be out today. Can you just keep an eye on Joey, make sure nothing happens between him and Molly?
Monica: Hold on a second, just put a little club soda on it (does so) and it should umm, be.....
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, and Monica are still playing catch, with Chandler looking on. Joey throws the ball to Monica who catches it and whips it at Ross.]
(Ross goes outisde on the balcony.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Ross is working on his computer and Joey is making a lot of noise.]
Monica: When girls hang out, we dont have pillow fights in our underwear. (Chandler gets a hurt look on his face.) Im sorry. We do. We do. I dont know why I said that.
Judge: And based on the fact that Mr. Geller is intravenous drug user.
Ross: (on phone) Ok, bye. (hangs up) Well, Monica's not coming, it's just gonna be me and Rachel.
Richard: Thats what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good actor! And when you enunciate, you spit! (Spits on the t)
[Scene: A Bridal Shop, Phoebe and Rachel are waiting for Monica who is trying on her wedding dress.]
Phoebe: Yeah, I saw the article on your coffee table and I memorized the title to freak you out!
Monica: Hey, hold on there, tiger. How's it going? How you holding up?
ROSS: Ross, uh and uh, I'd just like to say that it did take a lot of courage for Rachel to come here tonight. And, uh, for the record she did not run out on Barry because she had syphilis. (da-doom-chesh) (to drummer) What are you doing I'm serious. Uh, the reason she walked out on, on Barry is simply that she didn't love him, which incidentally worked out pretty well for me (looks for the da-doom-chesh, and doesn't get one) Cheers.
RACHEL: OK. [they go to kiss but everyone's watching so Ross just kisses her on the top of her head and leaves]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Close up of the flan on the table with birthday candles.]
JOEY: All right, you know what we gotta do? We gotta get you outta here. Come on, I'll buy you breakfast, let's go.
(Ross grabs the tape and heads for the VCR as Rachel goes over and puts the chain on the door and locks it.)
Joey: In that case should I make sure it's on real good? (he does so, repeatedly tapping on her breast and stroking it)
Ross: And everyone's telling me, you gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major. So, on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying, because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills anymore.
Ross: Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you!
Ross: Not even if Carol's breast had a picture of a missing child on it.
Joey: Oh yeah, sure, no problem, Ill justhold on one second. (He turns around and puts his hand in his pants and groans in relief.) (In a relaxed voice.) "Hey Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you!"
Ross: And in my defense, the cleaning lady came on to me!
Joey: You stepped on my egg roll?
(Someone knocks the door, Joey goes to open it and Ross is on the other side)
WOMAN: You know, I uh, I couldn't help but overhear what you just said, and I think it's time for you to forget about Rose, move on with your life...how 'bout we go get you a drink?
Jason: So Phoebe, you ah, sounded kinda serious on the phone, is ah, is anything wrong?
[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returns with two plates of chicken, but she only has time to set one on the table, when...]
Phoebe: So great. Oh, we took a nap today and my Mom fell asleep on my tummy and purred.
Phoebe: All right. Hold on. (She starts digging in the chair.) I got it. Nickel! (Donates it.) How much more do we need?
Rachel: (stopping him) Wh-whoa! All right, okay-okay, I see, I see what's going on here! Now listen, look-look, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I am not some hussy who will just sleep around to get ahead! Now even though I (He tries to interrupt and tell her about the ink), hey-hey-hey, even though I kissed you, that does not give you the right to demand sex from me. I do not want, this job that bad. Good day, sir. (She storms out of his office.)
Monica: Oh, you two must have been so cute running around on a barge.
Rachel: Okay! (She picks up the phone, Joeys phone number, and starts to dial.) Here we go! Okay! (On phone.) Hi, Joey! Its Rachel! Umm, I am free tomorrow night. Yeah, sure, sure I can bring some sandwiches.
Charlie: Oh, this is such a cute picture of Emma. And is this your son... or just some kid whose picture you bring on vacation?
Ross: Oh come on, we just had this huge fight, all right, dont I have to wait a while?
Monica: Phoebe! Rachel! Its Monica! I wonder what you could possibly need me for on such short notice! (She bursts into the apartment to find only Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.) Oh.
Jay Leno: (on TV) Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going?
Rachel: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
Joey: (in a funny voice) Yeah, so it turns out that it wasnt the hair straightener that started the fire. (Rachel prompts him on what to say next.) No-no, it was the candles. Its very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is (Phoebe suddenly enters.) Uhh Uhh Okay. Well, I have to go now. (Phoebe leaves.)
STEVE: How are you? Look, you guys wanna meet the group? Come on. So, are you one of the ones who fooled around with my dad?
Phoebe: Haaaa... (Puts the skull on the table) ... ahhhh!
Joey: (leaving Central Perk and seeing Monica laying on top of Rachel who is moaning in pain.) Oh my.