words in movies
(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and Ross start to get sick.)
Joey: That, is not a cat! {I have to agree with Joey on this one.}
Rachel: All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!
Monica: Guys, could you please just stop throwing the ball for one minute and just help me find it!
Phoebe: You are useless! Freaking out about commitment is the one thing you can do! The one thing! And you can't even do that right! God!
(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)
Gary: 'Cause uh, this is today's Post (produces one from the other chair) and uh, these are the listings I found. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, two bedroom. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, one bedroom. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, (points) Brooklyn Heights, (points) Brooklyn Heights!
Phoebe: Oh wait, one sec. One sec. (Goes to the mirror) Hey you! Behind the glass! Who are you looking at! I've always wanted to say that when I was in one of these rooms, (sees the look on his face) which was never!
Monica: All right, there's some pizza at my place, we can all eat with one hand right? Are you with me?
Monica: Rachel! What is your cat doing in one of my bowls!
Monica: It's okay. It's okay. Just pretend that it didn't happen! Okay? No one needs to know! I mean, Phoebe's not an official ballplayer! I mean, only official ballplayers can drop the ball!
Monica: Okay! Okay, let's race! First one there wins! Ha-ha! (Runs out the door and everyone watches her leave.)
Monica: Why would someone do that?! ...One might wonder.
Phoebe: (walking over) Hey. Ursulas fianc�e is really sweet! Hes a teacher, he does all this volunteer work. Yknow normally yknow, I dont like really sweaty guys. But this one? I could just mop him up!
Aurora: Which one?
Ross: Elizabeth! (He opens one of the bed stands that he has curled himself up into.) Okay. Okay. (She helps him out.) Im gonna go out this window. (Points to the window next to him.) Ill meet you at the front door. Just tell them youre going home, okay?
[We then go into another set of flashbacks of famous fights. The first is the second breakup of Ross and Rachel from The One With The Jellyfish.]
Joey: What?! All rightHey! Dont look at me! Youre the one who wanted to come up and look for some stupid Burger King comet!
Monica: Hey, you better hope that we're pregnant, because one way or another, we're giving a baby back to Rachel.
Jill: That he wouldnt pay for my lawyer! Then he told me to come here and learn about the value of money from the one daughter hes actually proud off.
Jack: I can't believe Emma is already one!
MONICA: Chandler look, I don't want to be one of those wives who says, "You can't go to the game.� You have to spend time with me."� So, if you could just realize it on your own . . .
Monica: We should get over there and see if she's okay. (switching places with Ross) Just one...second! Score! (Monica scores, high-fives with Ross) Game! Come on. (Monica and Phoebe leave)
Phoebe: Oh, okay! (reading) "Would I go back to Allesandros? Sure, but Id have to order two meals, one for me and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head." (to Monica) Wow! You really laid into this place.
[The next one is from Episode 613: The One With Rachels Sister, Chandler has just opened the door to reveal a woman standing there.]
Monica: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go (Takes two cups and marks the start and finish lines with them) from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!
Phoebe: Okay, I'm gonna go too. I'm gonna go to the airport. I figure if I hang around there long enough, someone's bound to leave one of those planes unattended.
Chandler: Yes, every single one of them.
Chandler: Yeah...I mean I want this so much! I mean, I wanna get one, I want my friend Charlie to get one...Except I don't care about Charlie.
Joey: That one will.
Joey: Nope, not that one.
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
(A Chinese woman getting off the plane drops one of her bags. Ross gets off next.)
[The next clip is from The One At The Beach.]
[Scene: Casting Director #2s office, Joey is on his second audition. This one is for Purina One Dog Chow, an actual item. Please note the gratuitous product placement.]
Joey: Look, I just need a wire something to jimmy it. Oh hey, one of you guys give me the underwire from your bra!
Monica: Absolutely! It would just be one friend (Points at Chandler) helping out another friend. (Points at herself.)
Ross: One more time, "Hey, dont you want a washboard stomach and rock hard pecs?"
(He takes her hands in his and kisses each one, then kisses her on the lips. When the break the kiss, Rachel starts to get nauseous and throw up. Joey backs away in horror.)
Joey: Ok, I got one, I got one. Uh, if he blows into one, does the other one get bigger?
Monica: Fantastic! I have one question: How is that possible?
Monica: No! No. Theyre umm Theyre just uh ground beef smileys. (Holding up one of the shells.)
Chandler: You pick one.
(They all start out, Rachel gives each one a kiss, and says "bye." In the hall, Joey says )
Chandler: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out?
Ross: Come on, two on one.
Ross: (holding a dress out from inside the closet) This one?
Chandler: Can I just say one thing?
Rachel: Oops, sorry. Listen, we-we have to have a party tonight! Actually, we have to have one in five minutes, so everybody cancel your plans.
Rachel: All right Joey! That is enough! (Grabs him and pulls him away from Bobby and Dina) Listen, as beautiful and moving as this ceremony is, its not legal. Okay? They-they dont have a marriage license, they dont have any witnesses, and the groom only has on one shoe!
Ross: All right, look, look, youve got to do this yourself, okay in person. At least you know her name. You just go to the house and you ask for Mary-Angela, okay, when which ever one she is comes to the door, you take her for a walk, you let her down easy.
Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, y'know? We'll pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.
Ronni: That's a good one!
Joey: This is so unfair! The one thing I wanted to do was throw my best friend a bachelor party, but no, I wasnt allowed to. All I got was a stupid steak dinner!
Laura: Well, I'm sorry I brought it up. So, are either one of you planning on staying at home with your child... (someone knocks on the door)
Rachel: (who has just entered) Ugh! No more crying! Please! I just dumped one cry baby, Ill dump you too!
(With one last mighty tug the combatants lose their grip and split, each holding one candlestick.)
CHANDLER: But we had one of the greatest talks we ever had last night. I mean it was, it was like when we first started living together.
Ross: That's easy for you to say, you found one already.
(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)
Rachel: Its left sweetie, but thats okay sweetie, thats a tough one.
Chandler: You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his plays before. Notice, no fear, no sense of impending doom...
Chandler: That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
Monica: Well. Sounds like you're writing yourself a little play there Rach. Wow! Let me know how that one turns out.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are baby-sitting the triplets. They each have one baby.]
Monica: Which one was Pete Carney?
Chandler: Y'know, I wouldve bet good money that hed be the first one of us to get married.
Monica: In one year?! My God what did she eat? Her-her family! Thats not the point.
Chandler: So in your whole life, you've only been with one(He gets a look too)oh.
Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!
Chandler: All right, look, youre not really gonna buy that are you? Dont you think youve embarrassed me enough for one day?
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom) Okay. Heres a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces.
Joey: Oh, it was great! I mean we walked all around the village. We went to this ice cream place, split a milkshake, 70/30 but still And guess what, Im thinking about taking her upstate to one of those bed and breakfasts.
Phoebe: Okay. Then, take the tiara back and let me hold the musket again. (He hands it to her and Phoebe poses in front of one of those small mirrors.) Somethings missing. Its not Okay oh, let me see the ring my friend picked out.
Passenger: If youre planning on doing that throughout the entire flight. Please tell me now. So that I could that a sedative...or perhaps slip you one.
Rachel: Phoebe, we cant, we just cant just let it happen! Okay, we have to do something! We have to break them up! Okay? Just go in there and like, shave her head! You owe me one bald girl!!
Frank Jr.: Oh, no, no. Not Leslie. No, she's, she's the only one that knows how to burp the alphabet.
Joey: Okay well that may be true. But, in-in okay, Air Force One the Russians were terrorists! And evil! And plus he kills a bunch of them! That-that-thats offensive to Russians.
RICHARD: Yeah, just, I feel like I'm about a hundred. I thought I was just one of the guys.
Monica: (to Rachel) Hey! Joey said no autographs! But if she's gettting one, then I want one too: To Monica. And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love".
(We see Ross through the window and he acts like a swimmer that gets attacked by a shark, picture one of the many, many, many Jaws movies they made and you get the idea.)
Phoebe: Well, if I'm going down, I'm taking you (Points at all of them) with me. (They all look at her.) Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum. Good luck Chandler. (She opens the door to the cop from before.) Okay, you can arrest me. Fine. But you'll never make it stick and you know it!
Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?
Chandler: Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Clunkers. Yknow, for you, and (Clears his throat) I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed. I couldn't find him, and I am so, so, so, sorry. But I do know where we could all go ease the pain. (Points up and then over to the street)
Joey: Uh, waiter, one more plate of chicken wings over here.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. (Chandler and Ross stare at him) What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
Rachel: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one.
Ross: I know. I know. I mean, one day, he's this little thing, and before you know it, he's this little thing I can't get off my leg.
Rachel: (hands him one) Here you go.
[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monicas bedroom in The One With All the Kips.]
Monica: I know. But umm, one time there was this really dirty car in front of the building, so I washed it.
Ross: Uh-uhWow! Uh, I thought you guys were just like making jokes, I had no idea. What you know what? You guys are wrong. Uh yes, there is a chronological age difference but I never notice it. You know why? Because she is very mature. Besides, it doesnt really matter to me what you guys think. I mean, Im the one dating Elizabeth, not you!
Rachel: Oh, I dont know. Well maybe its just the idea of Barry for the rest of my life. I dont know I think I feel like I need to have one last fling, y'know, just to sorta get it out of my system. (Chandler is listening in very intensely)
Joey: (to Rachel) Bub!!! (Points at her and quiets Rachel.) (To Dina) I cant believe this! Youre the good one! You went to college! Both years! Who did this to you?!
DUNCAN: Well, I've never told you this but, there were one or two times, back in college, when I'd get really drunk, go to a straight bar and wake up with a woman next to me. But I, I, I told myself it was the liquor and e-everyone experiments in college.
Chandler: Uh-huh! Join me, won't you?! Okay, what do you say we keep one, and then just like have an option on the other one?
Rachel: Which one do you think she is?
Phoebe: Which one?
Phoebe: No, which one? The right or left? 'Cause the left one is lucky...
[The next one is from Episode 224: The One With Barry And Mindys Wedding, Joey has to kiss a guy in an audition and has been trying to find one to practice with.]
Rachel: Oh thank you! (Wiping her nose.) Oh God! (She throws it out.) Can I have another one?
Rachel: Well, youve been here for two months now and your boss is required to hand in a performance evaluation. But yknow, there is one thing that I have yet to evaluate. (She turns around and sweeps the stuff off of her desk and hops up onto it.)
JOEY: Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake, he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him, he's the guy for you.
Phoebe: Ooh, ok, that's it. Enough with the keys. No one say keys.
[The next one is from Episode 603: The One With Rosss Denial, Joey is amazing Phoebe and Monica by holding his breath.]
Emily: One swift kick and hell back off.
Phoebe: I don't know, you might be the first one.
Phoebe: How - how do I get them to name the next one after me?
Chandler: I don't know. I can't--I just, I can't get her out of my head. Y'know? I mean, I'm a very bad person. I'm a very, very bad person. I'm a horrible person. (he waits for a reaction, when he doesn't get one) No you're not Chandler! We still love you Chandler!
Ross: (answering it) 1987, the day after Christmas, at Sean McMahons party. I played you one of my songs, yknow Interplanetary Courtship Ritual.
Phoebe: Yeah, I really liked that fighter pilot one.
Chandler: You'll get one.