words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is recapping last season, and as she talks we see a montague of scenes from Ross and Rachel.]
Phoebe: Ok, so this is pretty much what's happened so far. Ross was in love with Rachel since, you know, forever, but every time he tried to tell her, something kind of got in the way, like cats, and Italian guys. Finally Chandler was like "forget about her" but when Ross was in China on his dig, Chandler let it slip that Ross was in love with Rachel. She was like, "Oh my god." So she went to the airport to meet him when he came back, but what she didn't know was, that Ross was getting off the plane with another woman. Uh-Oh! So, that's pretty much everything you need to know. But, enough about us. So, how've you been?
Phoebe: Oh my god. This is huge. This is bigger than huge. This is like, all right, what's bigger than huge?
Phoebe: Yes.
Phoebe: 'Cause, you know, (in that voice) if you don't look good, we don't look good. I love that voice.
Ross: That's all right, Rach, we got the bags. Hi, hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica. This is Chandler. Phoebe. Joey, what up?
[Cut to Phoebe and Monica in the kitchen.]
Phoebe: Oh, ok. How, it's been so long since you've had sex, you're wondering if they've changed it?
Phoebe: All right, so what were you thinking?
Phoebe: Ohh! No.
Phoebe: Because, I'm just, I'm incredibly anal and an unbelievable control freak.
Phoebe: I know I'm not, but you are, and I was trying to spare your feelings.
Monica: (to Phoebe) Please, just a little bit off the back.
Phoebe: I'm still on "no."
Phoebe: What's goin' on?
Phoebe: Ewww! (Gets up and walks away.)
Phoebe: Where?
Joey: Whoa, whoa. And the fact that you dumped him because he hit on Phoebe?
Phoebe: (to Paulo) Ok, you're gonna have to not touch my ass.
Monica: (to Phoebe) You know it's funny, the last time Paulo was here, my hair was so much shorter and cuter.
Phoebe: All right. Ok, but, but! You have to promise that you will not be all like control-y and bossy and Monica about it.
Phoebe: All right. (Talking to Monica's hair.) Now some of you are gonna get cut, and some of you aren't. But I promise none of you are gonna feel a thing.
[Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is finishing with her haircut and Monica is whincing.]
Phoebe: All right, that's it, I quit.
Phoebe: Yeah, but this (makes Monica's face) isn't the face of a person who trusts a person. Ok, this (makes Monica's face) is the face of a person who, you know, doesn't trust a person.
Monica: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Phoebe. It's just a little shorter than what we had discussed.
Phoebe: Would you relax? I know what I am doing. This is how he wears it.
Phoebe: Demi Moore.
Phoebe: Well, he was a he in Arthur, and in Ten.
Phoebe: Oh. Oh!
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Oh my God! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Which one's Demi Moore?
Phoebe: Oh, she's got gorgeous hair.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is recovering from her haircut, Phoebe is playing her doctor and is coming in from the bedroom.]
Phoebe: It's too soon to tell. She's resting, which is a good sign.
Phoebe: I'm not gonna lie to you, Ross, it doesn't look good. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.
Phoebe: Your hair looks too good, I think it would upset her. Ross, why don't you come on in.
Phoebe: (to Chandler and Ross) Thank you.
[Scene: Central Perk, Julie is wanting to get her hair cut from Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Oh yeah! Oh, I can do that.
Phoebe: You wanna do it right now?
Phoebe: (to Rachel) Ok, I just wanna be really sure this time. Andie McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings and a Funeral, right?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Ok, thank you.
Phoebe: He is! But hes getting divorcedRoss! Maybe you know him.
PHOEBE: Ok, I didn't see it, because I was putting on my jacket, but I uh want to believe you.
(Phoebe enters, walks to the couch, sits down, and begins to read a letter without saying hi.)
Ross: (To Phoebe) Im sorry. Ugh, Pheebs, you were, you were right about her. Yknow, she did try to use sex as a weapon! Yeah, I hurt my back a little.
[Time lapse, Ross and Rachel are talking, Joey is on the couch, and Monica and Phoebe are out of the room.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch staring off into space as Rachel enters.]
(Phoebe opens the box, to find something familiar inside.)
Phoebe: Oh, Ill get it. (goes over to the door.)
Phoebe: Youll have a last kiss.
(Phoebe moves in the dressing room from which Charlie went out)
Phoebe: Okay, let's go running!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Monica enters.]
Phoebe: Yeah, and yknow what? I dont give a tiny rats ass.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving coffee to Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Okay, I guess. I mean I dont know, its just, I guess I know its going to be over soon.
Phoebe: (seeing him) Okay, nows not the time Joey. All right? You can yell at me tomorrow.
Phoebe: Okay. And, my, dead, mother, says, you, are, it. I'm with Rachel.
[Phoebe gets up and goes into Rachels old room, a smile on her face.]
Phoebe: Sorry, Im so sorry, I will pay you back.
Rachel: (Into microphone) Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay.
Monica: All right, Chandler can make boxes, Ross can wrap, and Joey can lift things. Now Phoebe, go tell the guys they have to help out!
Phoebe: (taking his coffee) Okay, whatever you say. But just be careful, all right? Rachels not in the same place you are.
[Scene: A Street: Monica and Phoebe are walking to a newsstand.]
Phoebe: Ohh!! God! (Gary enters and she sees him) Ooh! (To Chandler) Get out of here, good for nothing.
Dr. Green: Who is the father? Oh no! Please dont tell me its her! (Points at Phoebe.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Phoebe, and Ross are there eating pizza as Rachel enters.]
Phoebe: I have to tie my shoe, so you go ahead, I'll catch up.
Phoebe: I dunno, well he got over the "We were on a break" thing really quickly.
Phoebe: They were threefold.
Phoebe: Yeah, she turned you into this-this-this untrusting, crazy, jealous, sycophant. (They all look at her.) All right, so I dont know what sycophant means, but the rest is right.
Phoebe: Come on, Mom, Ill take you home.
Monica: (to Phoebe) You start working on that list. (She grabs her coat and leaves, too.)
Phoebe: Yeah, because you know what, it's... it's all about the children.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, theyre all eating the wax, Chandler and Phoebe, dont like it. Joey tries some and makes a face like: Hey, thats not so bad.]
Phoebe: Well, how-how-how is that possible? You barely know her!
Phoebe: Oh, not anymore. I changed it today.
Phoebe: Oh, Paolo, hi, what are you doing here?
Chandler: (disgusted) Oh come on! (To Phoebe) Are you listening to this?
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Rob are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: A Jewelry Shop, Chandler and Phoebe are looking at engagement rings.]
Phoebe: No, its just that he got this new like home theater dealie, and he wants y'know, us to check it out.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there, Joey is on the phone.]
Phoebe: Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, "Ross" on it.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
PHOEBE: Hey.� I'll be right back.� I've got to go to the bathroom.� (She rises and exits.)
PHOEBE: Chicken. Which is so ironic considering I'm a vegetarian.
Phoebe: Joey, why did you set me up with a stranger?
(Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe back their chairs away from the table.)
Phoebe: Ooh, yknow what, I think its time for puppy to go out again. Come on, lets go to the balcony.
Phoebe: Come on you guys, let's just do our own Thanksgiving.
PHOEBE: Now OK, I haven't seen it yet so, if you don't like it, well, so what, none of you ever made a video. [puts the tape in] OK.
Phoebe: Youre right, that was wrong. Im sorry. Im so sorry. Its just that I liked you so much. Can we just, can we just start over?
Phoebe: Yeah, um, I cant fly. Im having my brothers babies.
Phoebe: Rachel? Oh, good. Hey, by the way, did you just get on the plane?
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, no, I dont, I dont know. But, y'know what, maybe its just all for the best?
Phoebe: Or, or, y'know, um, 'I think we should see other people' means 'Ha, ha, I already am'.
Phoebe: Hey. Ooh! Dont sit down!
Phoebe: (screaming, angrily) ...DUMB, DRUNKEN, BITCH!!! (applause) (happily) Thank you, thanks.
Ross: Phoebe, 800 is toll free, 801 is-is Utah.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there, yelling at Joey.]
Phoebe: Umm, okay, okay, look. I took this picture from your fridge. Okay, because I know that this is my Father. Yeah, this is Frank Buffay and you are standing right there next to him. Now, look I deserve to know where I came from. All right? So if you can help me find my Father then you should! Otherwise, youre just mean! (pause) So, just tell me the truth!
Phoebe: No. (Pause) Oh wait yes! I do, I do have one question. What is toner?
Chandler: (to Phoebe) It's like a giant hug.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are at the couch.]
Phoebe Sr: Oh no, I-Im sorry, I guess we lost track of everybody after high school.
Phoebe: Okay, doctor says any minute now.
Phoebe: No. 'Cause you need that. No, it's okay, thanks.
PHOEBE: Oh, c'mon, like you tell me everything.
Phoebe: (sets the cup down) Oh! (Grabs her stomach in pain.)
Phoebe: What? (the guys keep laughing.) What? You guys, what is going on? You not like Robert? (the guys keep laughing.) Why are you laughing?!
Phoebe: I can't, I have to take my grandmother to the vet.
Phoebe: Oh, its bad. Its really bad. The only thing in there that isnt burned is an ass. Which I do not remember buying!
(Phoebe turns to Rachel and mimes remove a lid of a jar. Ross enters and Paul motions for Rachel to leave with him now.)
Phoebe: Okayyyyy, open up!
Ross: Phoebe, oh my God! Wh-wh-what are you doing here?
Monica: What, Phoebe, did you whip the potatoes? Ross needs lumps!
Phoebe: Oh my God! Well the idea of a woman flirting with a-with a single man, we-we must alert the church elders!
Phoebe: Oh! Ooh! Oh, I didnt know that you did pot.
[Scene: Earls Office, Earl has his head in his hands as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: All rightOoh! Oh dead God, save me!
Monica: We think if you saw it, you'd understand. I mean you guys were there. (Points to Rachel and Phoebe) It is beautiful, isn't it?
Phoebe: Okay. All right. (Hands her the phone.) Good luck explaining all the calls to China.
Phoebe: Okay, I knew I should have had this conversation with Joey.
Phoebe: No! No! Its just that he gave me three tickets and there are six of us!
Phoebe: (interrupts her, to Monica) Shh, wait and see. Maybe we will, maybe we won't.
Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey: No, I wasnt gonna ask you that, no.
Phoebe: Ewww! And "Oh no!" Itsthey just want me to be the surrogate. Its her-its her egg and her sperm, and Im-Im just the oven, its totally their bun.
Phoebe: No, no, no, I wouldnt do you myself, I mean that would be weird. Yeah, no, Ill get one of the other girls to do it. Oh, this will be so much fun! Hey! Are you excited?
Phoebe: Oh, is that who the monkey's named after?
Phoebe: I understand. Yeah. Ok so then ok, so we're both living in New York, not seeing anyone. That's so not like us!
Ross: Oh God, thank you! (Runs and gives all of them a group hug.) Umm, uh, Mr. Stevens Id like you to meet my friends uh, this is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler.
Chandler and Phoebe: Yes! You mean the world the world to me. Oh...
Phoebe: Okay. (they start to leave, he is still following her) Okay, you don't have to walk behind me any more.
Phoebe: Oh, that is so unfortunate.
Phoebe: Ok. What are you gonna be doing today?
Phoebe: Hey, Joey! Hey! Ooh! Ooh! I just say someone on thethat looks just like you on the subway. And I was gonna go over and say hi! but then I figured, he doesnt care if he looks like you.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, he talked to her, but she got on the plane anyway.
Phoebe: A little. (She turns around and looks up.) (To the universe) Now youre talking.
Phoebe: Okay, yeah, I'll see you later! Don't forget about the moving in!