words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is recapping last season, and as she talks we see a montague of scenes from Ross and Rachel.]
Phoebe: Ok, so this is pretty much what's happened so far. Ross was in love with Rachel since, you know, forever, but every time he tried to tell her, something kind of got in the way, like cats, and Italian guys. Finally Chandler was like "forget about her" but when Ross was in China on his dig, Chandler let it slip that Ross was in love with Rachel. She was like, "Oh my god." So she went to the airport to meet him when he came back, but what she didn't know was, that Ross was getting off the plane with another woman. Uh-Oh! So, that's pretty much everything you need to know. But, enough about us. So, how've you been?
Phoebe: Oh my god. This is huge. This is bigger than huge. This is like, all right, what's bigger than huge?
Phoebe: Yes.
Phoebe: 'Cause, you know, (in that voice) if you don't look good, we don't look good. I love that voice.
Ross: That's all right, Rach, we got the bags. Hi, hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica. This is Chandler. Phoebe. Joey, what up?
[Cut to Phoebe and Monica in the kitchen.]
Phoebe: Oh, ok. How, it's been so long since you've had sex, you're wondering if they've changed it?
Phoebe: All right, so what were you thinking?
Phoebe: Ohh! No.
Phoebe: Because, I'm just, I'm incredibly anal and an unbelievable control freak.
Phoebe: I know I'm not, but you are, and I was trying to spare your feelings.
Monica: (to Phoebe) Please, just a little bit off the back.
Phoebe: I'm still on "no."
Phoebe: What's goin' on?
Phoebe: Ewww! (Gets up and walks away.)
Phoebe: Where?
Joey: Whoa, whoa. And the fact that you dumped him because he hit on Phoebe?
Phoebe: (to Paulo) Ok, you're gonna have to not touch my ass.
Monica: (to Phoebe) You know it's funny, the last time Paulo was here, my hair was so much shorter and cuter.
Phoebe: All right. Ok, but, but! You have to promise that you will not be all like control-y and bossy and Monica about it.
Phoebe: All right. (Talking to Monica's hair.) Now some of you are gonna get cut, and some of you aren't. But I promise none of you are gonna feel a thing.
[Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is finishing with her haircut and Monica is whincing.]
Phoebe: All right, that's it, I quit.
Phoebe: Yeah, but this (makes Monica's face) isn't the face of a person who trusts a person. Ok, this (makes Monica's face) is the face of a person who, you know, doesn't trust a person.
Monica: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Phoebe. It's just a little shorter than what we had discussed.
Phoebe: Would you relax? I know what I am doing. This is how he wears it.
Phoebe: Demi Moore.
Phoebe: Well, he was a he in Arthur, and in Ten.
Phoebe: Oh. Oh!
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Oh my God! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Which one's Demi Moore?
Phoebe: Oh, she's got gorgeous hair.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is recovering from her haircut, Phoebe is playing her doctor and is coming in from the bedroom.]
Phoebe: It's too soon to tell. She's resting, which is a good sign.
Phoebe: I'm not gonna lie to you, Ross, it doesn't look good. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.
Phoebe: Your hair looks too good, I think it would upset her. Ross, why don't you come on in.
Phoebe: (to Chandler and Ross) Thank you.
[Scene: Central Perk, Julie is wanting to get her hair cut from Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Oh yeah! Oh, I can do that.
Phoebe: You wanna do it right now?
Phoebe: (to Rachel) Ok, I just wanna be really sure this time. Andie McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings and a Funeral, right?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Ok, thank you.
Tag: Phoebe! Thats a great name.
Phoebe: Yeah, but you shouldnt compare yourself to me.
All: Come on Phoebe! You can do it Phoebe! Come on!
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Phoebe: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Yknow, I probably wouldnt have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)
Ross and Joey: No-no-no-no-no. (They start to turn away, but Phoebe stops them, and turns them back to face her.)
Phoebe: Ooh, I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter!
Phoebe: (getting out) Okay, whos next?
Phoebe: No, I really wanna live with you! I wanna move in with you!
Phoebe: Yeah, otherwise, I mean thats, thats, thats just it for us hanging out together. Y'know is that what you want? (they both look away) Can you be civil?
Phoebe: Really?! Cause yknow that hurts.
Phoebe: Least of all you.
Phoebe: Who are you kidding? (To Joey) You just find some guy off the street for me? Oh God! This is humiliating!
(She goes over and tries to give Phoebe a massage. Phoebe yelps in pain and jumps away from her.)
Phoebe: Happy thirtieth birthday! Here! (Hands her the hippity-hop.) Its for the child in you, and the woman. Happy thirtieth!
Phoebe: Yeah. What?!
Phoebe: You have your birth certificate?
Ursula: Yes! Phoebe.
Phoebe: Nu-uh!
Phoebe: Wait! (Knocks on the door and Ursula opens it.)
Phoebe: Our mom.
Phoebe: Thats my first name.
Phoebe: Ohh! All right! All right. Heres what well do, Ill get twice as drunk as Monica and then no ones will even notice her.
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still talking to Earl.]
Phoebe: Well, I never knew mine. Do you remember what it is?
Phoebe: Hey, whats going on?
(Phoebe approaches as they almost get to their room.)
PHOEBE: Yeah, I agree. Ya know, I think fancy parties are only fun if you're fancy on the inside and I'm just not sure we are.
Phoebe: Joey, shes so cool. She speaks four languages.
Phoebe: So what?! That doesnt give you the right to ditch me!
Phoebe: Okay, I can do that! Oh, by the way, I love my office.
Phoebe: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey, you can't say anything!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe and Joey are there.]
Phoebe: Ooh, erotiery!
Phoebe: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say (Hits him) 'no! No! I can't understand that!'.
(Ross pans the camera over to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah.
PHOEBE: Listen if you wanna go, just go.
Phoebe: Oh! (Phoebe walks away smiling.)
Phoebe: No, no, no! Don't call her! You wait for her to call you (Joey considers it)
Phoebe: You did the right thing.
Phoebe: Oooh, yeah. Youre a genius.
Phoebe: Why? It's fun, it's different, no-one else has a name like it.
Phoebe: No, I can't talk to you! I don't have a fancy ad in the Yellow Pages!
Chandler: I just think that things would go a lot smoother if we each have our own zone. Phoebe, you can be in charge of wiping. And yknow Mon, you can be in charge of diapering and I can be in charge of looking how cute they are when they put their hands around (He degrades into baby talk, but he means when they grab his finger.)
Phoebe: Yeah? Why?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is pouring Rachel some coffee.]
[Scene: Max and David's lab, they are working. Phoebe knocks on the door]
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch in Central Perk]
Phoebe: Okay, woo! Hi.
Phoebe: Ohh, he left his cell phone.
Phoebe: I dont know.
Phoebe: A stripper at a bachelor party, that is so clich�. Why don't you get a magician?!
Phoebe: Nice try.
Chandler: Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there as Monica enters with the local paper that has the engagement picture in it.]
Phoebe: Oh! Oop! (Hands him back the ring.)
The Fireman: The next time you want to dump a fire alarm in a trash chute, dont wrap it in a blanket that says, "Property of Phoebe Buffay not Monica."
Joey: (whispers to Phoebe and Rachel) Hey, thank you so much. (They both exit.)
Phoebe: Yep, lipstick and a daughter, big day for you!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are recovering from Ross's rebuke.]
Phoebe: Did I use that already today? Im sorry.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are returning from the strip club.]
Phoebe: Okay, I hear you! Are you capable of talking about any thing else?
Phoebe: Okay, a meat eater. Fine, thats one for you.
Rachel: (showing Phoebe her phone) His new girlfriend!
Phoebe: Good.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Yeah!
Phoebe: No I didnt!
Phoebe: Hi!
Phoebe: Ooh, now you lost me.
Rachel: Phoebe!
Phoebe: No.
Phoebe: That is a different phone.
Rachel: Phoebe! You cant do th
Rachel: Oh Phoebe!
Phoebe: What?! Thats the first time today!
Phoebe: Oh? And how will you know what time to come over?
PHOEBE: I know who it is you remind me of. Evelyn Dermer. 'Course, that's before she got the lousy face lift. Now she looks like Soupy Sales.
Phoebe: Yes, while I was in the chair! Thats why I take such good care of my teeth now, y'know, its not about oral hygiene, I floss to save lives!
Phoebe: Hey, so? Are you gonna do it?
Phoebe: Wh-what do we do?
Phoebe: Because its my apartment!
Phoebe and Rachel: (simultaneously) Who is it?
Phoebe: Hey! You guys, Im writing a holiday song for everyone. Do you want to hear it?
Phoebe: (whispering) Nice!
Rachel: I know! (Realizes what Phoebe said.) What?!
Phoebe: Yeah! Youre such a great friend!
Phoebe: Well, why dont you just get him fired?
Phoebe: I dont know. I-I think its still gonna be a while.
Phoebe: (to the squirrel) Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! (The squirrel stares at her.) All right, fine, now I get it. (To the clerk.) Here. (She hands him her coat.) You take it. (To the squirrel.) Are you happy now? I'm cold!
Phoebe: That is so smart! (To Chandler, under her breath) Break it off. Break it off now.
Phoebe: And do you know what girls are really good at?
Phoebe: Ross, you cant tell her not to go. You just started dating.
Monica: Phoebe, were getting married, married; not sixth grade married.
Phoebe: What?! No! It was my idea!
Phoebe: Dont you just love the way they talk?!
Phoebe: Well, how could it not be breezy, no, 'cause, you're, you're in such a breezy place.
Phoebe: Bye! (She exits, leaving Rachel and Joey alone.)