words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is recapping last season, and as she talks we see a montague of scenes from Ross and Rachel.]
Phoebe: Ok, so this is pretty much what's happened so far. Ross was in love with Rachel since, you know, forever, but every time he tried to tell her, something kind of got in the way, like cats, and Italian guys. Finally Chandler was like "forget about her" but when Ross was in China on his dig, Chandler let it slip that Ross was in love with Rachel. She was like, "Oh my god." So she went to the airport to meet him when he came back, but what she didn't know was, that Ross was getting off the plane with another woman. Uh-Oh! So, that's pretty much everything you need to know. But, enough about us. So, how've you been?
Phoebe: Oh my god. This is huge. This is bigger than huge. This is like, all right, what's bigger than huge?
Phoebe: Yes.
Phoebe: 'Cause, you know, (in that voice) if you don't look good, we don't look good. I love that voice.
Ross: That's all right, Rach, we got the bags. Hi, hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica. This is Chandler. Phoebe. Joey, what up?
[Cut to Phoebe and Monica in the kitchen.]
Phoebe: Oh, ok. How, it's been so long since you've had sex, you're wondering if they've changed it?
Phoebe: All right, so what were you thinking?
Phoebe: Ohh! No.
Phoebe: Because, I'm just, I'm incredibly anal and an unbelievable control freak.
Phoebe: I know I'm not, but you are, and I was trying to spare your feelings.
Monica: (to Phoebe) Please, just a little bit off the back.
Phoebe: I'm still on "no."
Phoebe: What's goin' on?
Phoebe: Ewww! (Gets up and walks away.)
Phoebe: Where?
Joey: Whoa, whoa. And the fact that you dumped him because he hit on Phoebe?
Phoebe: (to Paulo) Ok, you're gonna have to not touch my ass.
Monica: (to Phoebe) You know it's funny, the last time Paulo was here, my hair was so much shorter and cuter.
Phoebe: All right. Ok, but, but! You have to promise that you will not be all like control-y and bossy and Monica about it.
Phoebe: All right. (Talking to Monica's hair.) Now some of you are gonna get cut, and some of you aren't. But I promise none of you are gonna feel a thing.
[Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is finishing with her haircut and Monica is whincing.]
Phoebe: All right, that's it, I quit.
Phoebe: Yeah, but this (makes Monica's face) isn't the face of a person who trusts a person. Ok, this (makes Monica's face) is the face of a person who, you know, doesn't trust a person.
Monica: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Phoebe. It's just a little shorter than what we had discussed.
Phoebe: Would you relax? I know what I am doing. This is how he wears it.
Phoebe: Demi Moore.
Phoebe: Well, he was a he in Arthur, and in Ten.
Phoebe: Oh. Oh!
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Oh my God! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Which one's Demi Moore?
Phoebe: Oh, she's got gorgeous hair.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is recovering from her haircut, Phoebe is playing her doctor and is coming in from the bedroom.]
Phoebe: It's too soon to tell. She's resting, which is a good sign.
Phoebe: I'm not gonna lie to you, Ross, it doesn't look good. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.
Phoebe: Your hair looks too good, I think it would upset her. Ross, why don't you come on in.
Phoebe: (to Chandler and Ross) Thank you.
[Scene: Central Perk, Julie is wanting to get her hair cut from Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Oh yeah! Oh, I can do that.
Phoebe: You wanna do it right now?
Phoebe: (to Rachel) Ok, I just wanna be really sure this time. Andie McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings and a Funeral, right?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Ok, thank you.
Phoebe: Well, youre just gonna have to try.
Gunther: (to Monica and Phoebe) Hey guys.
Phoebe: No idea! I though he was soft like you!
Phoebe: Well, hes very charming.
PHOEBE: [handing him the papers] Here you go. You know what, I just have one more question, um, if you had figured this out sooner and um, I had been around, do you think that I would have been the one who. . . no, um, I'm sorry, don't tell me, I don't th ink either answer would make me feel better.
Phoebe: Oh my God! I dont believe it! Oh, you poor bunny.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel and Phoebe are having dinner with Dr. Green, and everyone is looking at the menu.]
Phoebe: Wow. Okay, I dont know how to talk to you.
Joey: Are you kiddin? Phoebe lived on the street. Okay? Plus, shes got this crazy temper. SheShes not standing right behind me is she?
Phoebe: Why, what happened?
Phoebe: Wow! And Im a vegetarian! All right, all right, well Im sorry, well put some ice on it.
Phoebe Sr: Youre Erwins daughter?!
Phoebe: (quietly) Sells drugs to kids.
Phoebe: Yes, and now hes using this three divorces reason because he wants to stay married to her because he loves her. I must say, "Well done!" Bravo Meg.
Phoebe: A-Allright, well... I'll call the cab company.
Phoebe: Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Rachel knows?
Phoebe: I can't ask him! Do you have any idea how inappropriate that would be?! All I'm saying is just talk to Frank. Okay? Just, y'know, feel him out!
(Monica and Rachel look at Phoebe strangely.)
Phoebe: Yeah! Ooh, you should come with me! Oh yeah, then I'd have someone to sit with!
Phoebe: Oh well y'know. (laughs)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are entering after the play. Phoebe and Joey are already there.]
Monica: So ah, Phoebe, how was your date?
Phoebe: Thanks you guys! Thank you.
Phoebe: Wait. Really?! Cause mine get me out of tickets.
Phoebe: Ugh, okay, I have an enormous crush on you. But because youre a client, I cant ask you out, even though you give me yknow, the feeling.
Phoebe: Is it Ross? Its Ross isnt itOh my God, its Joey!
Phoebe: Yeah, y'know, people can be so self-involved.
Phoebe: Ooh! Brian's Song!
Phoebe: Your welcome, oh please not the one with the turtles.
Phoebe: No, not the used wax.
PHOEBE: I know, I know. [to Rob] Hello.
Phoebe: Oh my God, it's all so elegant! When's the dirty stuff starting?
PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
Phoebe: I know, I know, we can drive, we can vote, we can work, what more do these broads want?
Phoebe: You make up songs?
Phoebe: Oh yeah.
Phoebe: (to Mischa) Okay, y'know what, you dont have to do that now. (Mischa translates that to Sergei) No-no-no-no!! Not him, you dont! (Mischa tells Sergei he can proceed and steps away) Well the moments over.
PHOEBE: I, I, I'm hideous.
Phoebe: Oh, it's your audition from this morning. Can I use the phone again?
Phoebe: Well, thats not something a girl wants to hear.
Phoebe: How about just the bridemaids?
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
PHOEBE: I'm not gonna. But you know what's cool though? Ok, if you had a friend named Pete, then I could say, 'Oh yeah, I know Pete, he's friends with my brother.'
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: What are you wrapping?
PHOEBE: Come on, like you never talk that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting at the couch. Ross is sitting at the table and answers the phone.]
Phoebe: Yeah, it's a vase.
Phoebe: No. No food with a face.
PHOEBE: Ohh. . .K. How come?
Phoebe: Wait a second, or maybe you can go in first.
Phoebe: I have to go scream into a pillow. (Goes to scream into a pillow)
Phoebe: Yeah we thought it would be nice to use the fancy china for dessert too.
Phoebe: She wasnt a hooker.
Phoebe: No, nothing like that. I was just...such a dummie. I taught this "massage-yourself-at-home-workshop." And they are.
Phoebe: Oh, theres no such thing as an innocent burger.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are setting up for the party.]
Phoebe: The exclamation point in the title scares me. (Gesturing) Y'know, it's not just Freud, it's Freud!
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. There's a knock on the door, and Phoebe opens it.]
Phoebe: No, no, its just my tooth.
PHOEBE: Oh, you are so much the smitten kitten. You should ask him out.
Phoebe: Well, I have ah, vodka and cranberry juice.
Phoebe: Oh this, well Im glad you asked. (She opens the case and removes a knife and an soda can.) Now, dont you hate it when you have to cut a tin can with an ordinary steak knife? (She efficiently cuts it in half.) Ahh! Now, I know what youre thinking
Phoebe: Um, Chandler, Ross, this is Robert.
Phoebe: Ill have coffee.
Phoebe: As a masseuse and a human, I'm begging you, never do that to anyone!
Tim: I I-I dont know, but I would say its pretty good-o. (Phoebe laughs too hard.)
Phoebe: Hey!
(Enter Phoebe and Robert)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, except I broke up with Roger.
Phoebe: I don't know. I haven't been out on a date in so long.
Phoebe: What do you mean?
Phoebe: Hey.
[Scene: The Geller household kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are cooking for Mrs. Gellers party.]
Phoebe: Okay. (One of Joeys co-workers, walks by with a dead tree.) Yikes! That one doesnt look very fulfilled.
Phoebe: Its mostly just photographs of lesbian love scenes interspersed with video games and free sandwiches.
Ross: Phoebe, you don't have any of the first five numbers.
Phoebe: So is it like art?
Phoebe: Nothing! You have apologized to her like a million times and shes been nothing but terrible to you. And dont forget you just threw her daughter a lovely, albeit slightly boring, shower, and she hasnt even thanked you for it.
Phoebe: Please, right now, no, every time I see him its like Is it on the lose? Is it watching me?
Phoebe: Oh my God! I do love you! How did you do it?!
Phoebe: Hey.
Phoebe: Umm, I think youre really, really great...
Phoebe: No, I can spot you from here.
Phoebe: You don't need Janice for that, you've got us. We
Phoebe Sr: Well, yes, its kindve an unusual house. It has umm, three beautiful bedrooms and ah, no baths. But y'know, the ocean is right there.
Singer: Hey Phoebe.
Phoebe: No. But thanks.
Phoebe: Really? Theres nothing sexual about this? (Sexily) Oooh. Oo God! Ohh. Ohhhh. Ohh. (Some cute guy is watching closely.) (To him) What are you looking at?! (Pause) I mean hi.
Phoebe: Wheres Chandler?
Phoebe: Chandler!!
Phoebe: It was really fun, I mean I've never talked on a car phone before.
Phoebe: No, but lets come back to that later!
Phoebe: What does the sign say?
Phoebe and Monica: Hey.
Phoebe: No, the No Smoking sign. Theres no smoking in my Grandmothers cab.
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Phoebe: Hmm, bummer.
Phoebe: Oh my God!! You threw Pepper on the fire!
Phoebe: I just wish there was something we could do. (Bends down and talks to him) Hello. Hello, Coma Guy. GET UP, YOU GIRL SCOUT! UP! UP! UP!