words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
(Camera moves to Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey sitting in living room)
Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta. (Joey grimaces)
Phoebe: (softly) Sorry. (Camera pans back to Monica, still on phone)
(Camera pans to Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe in the kitchen)
Phoebe: Woo-hoo, first weekend away together!
Phoebe: Ok, thanks. (assistant leaves, then walks back in)
Paolo: Buon Giorno, Bella Phoebe!
Phoebe: Oh, Paolo, hi, what are you doing here?
Phoebe: Well, Racquela's right, yeah!
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I don't know what you just said, so let's get started.
Phoebe: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.]
(Phoebe enters)
Joey and Chandler: Hey Phoebe!
Phoebe: Fine!
Monica: Phoebe, what's the matter?
Phoebe: Nothing, I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm out of sorts.
Monica: Phoebe, what is it?
Phoebe: All right, you know Paolo?
Phoebe: Well, he made a move on me.
Phoebe: Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine until. (A flashback starts Paolo, lying on massage table, moving his hands up Phoebe's legs.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover.) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (Flashback continues: Paolo rolls over, Phoebe looks down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes her head)
Phoebe: Oh, boy scouts could have camped under there.
Phoebe: Uma Thurman.
Phoebe: She is gonna hate me.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel folding and packing clothes in suitcases as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Are you moving out?
Rachel: No, these aren't all my suitcases. (picks up small blue suitcase and shows to Phoebe) This one's Paolo's.
Phoebe: Um, um, Rachel can we talk for a sec?
Phoebe: Oh! (sits down) Ok, um, ok, um,
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies
Phoebe: Which proves that I never lie.
Phoebe: Paolo made a pass at me.
Phoebe: Are you okay?
Phoebe: Ok, I've got milk (takes thermos from her bag and starts to pour a cup) Here you go... (Rachel drinks straight from thermos) Oh!(Rachel finishes thermos) Better?
Phoebe: I'm so embarrassed, I'm the one he hit on!
Rachel and Phoebe: I'm so sorry! No I'm sorry! No I'm sorry! No I'm sorry!
Phoebe: No, wait, oh, what are we sorry about?
Phoebe: Such a pig!
Phoebe: Oh he's like a...
Phoebe: ...like a...
Phoebe: Yes, good! Ok...
Phoebe: (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It's because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you...
Phoebe: The end.
Phoebe: Should I not have told you?
(Phoebe scoots her chair over to Rachel and hugs her)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling everyone how it went across the hall as the foosball game continues.]
Phoebe: I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over there right now, so...
Monica: We should get over there and see if she's okay. (switching places with Ross) Just one...second! Score! (Monica scores, high-fives with Ross) Game! Come on. (Monica and Phoebe leave)
Phoebe: Ooh!
(Paolo enters. Ross, Phoebe, and Monica scatter)
Phoebe: Oh, ok bye-bye.
Phoebe: Oh, just look at her... (girls move toward Rachel on the balcony)
Phoebe: You ok?
Phoebe: Yep!
Monica: Phoebe, its been two days.
Phoebe: Oh, I have dinner plans with Joey. We get together about once a month to discuss the rest of you guys.
[Scene: Howard's party, Phoebe is talking Ross up to two more partygoers. Ross isn't happy about it.]
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
Phoebe: Oh, Jason? Yeah, uh-huh, we're seeing each other tonight.
Phoebe: Wow! I cannot believe Mark asked you out.
Phoebe: I know, but that creep that I went on that date with goes to there so I have to find a new one. I also have to find a new video store, a new bank, a new adult bookstore, a new grocery store
Gary: Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?
Chandler: Bye. (Finally closes the door on her.) (After its closed) I cant stand the woman! (Phoebe is shocked, Joey is relieved.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is in the kitchen as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: (stopping him) No! No!
Monica: Phoebe, relax none of that stuff ever happens! They just put it on there for legal reasons!
Phoebe: (disgusted) Uh.
Phoebe: Yeah.
PHOEBE: No, now I feel bad. You wanna go to the concert.
Phoebe: So go fix it! Go find Chandler! He's probably up in your room! Tell him that you're sorry and that you love him.
Rachel: (entering with Phoebe) This place is amazing.
Phoebe: Oh my God! (Starts reading them.) Dizziness, nervousness, drowsiness, facial swelling, nausea, headacheHeadache. Vomiting, stomach bleeding, liver damage! Now okay, I dont recall any of this coming up when you gave me these little death capsules! Oh Im sorry, extra strength death capsules!
Phoebe: Im sorry.
Phoebe: Oh my God, I didnt
Phoebe: (running after him) Wait-wait-wait! Wait!!
Chandler: And hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor. (Pause) And might I say your breasts are still showing.
Joey: Hey Gunther, dont let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebes a porn star!
Phoebe: Hey Mon umm, if you do get married, can I bring two guests?
Phoebe: Nah-ha!
Phoebe: Isnt it cool! Varoom! Varoom!
Rachel: Fine! Well ask Phoebe.
Phoebe: Oh good, I didn't miss the party.
[Scene: Central Perk, all except Phoebe are there, Ross is telling the gang, minus Rachel whos still being retrained, about the different cookie options.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Really?!
Phoebe: Oh! I knew it! I knew it! I felt really thick this morning.
Phoebe: (to Vince) Well, that couldve been really awkward.
PHOEBE: Chandler, you called Janice! That's how much you wanted to be with someone!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is trying to find out what Phoebe wont tell her.]
Phoebe: All right, so, so you went to Petes...
Phoebe: So Monica, what were you gonna tell us?
Phoebe: No-no-no oh, keep your name, dont take his name.
Phoebe: (disappointed) Oh.
Phoebe: I, but youre so close! No!
[Scene: The Doctors office, Dr. Zane is examining Phoebe as Frank and Alice watch.]
Phoebe: (smiling) I'm sorry. It was just so funny when you started comparing Jane Eyre to Robocop.
PHOEBE: Oh, no no, that side doesn't have one, the paramedics had to cut through it. [Chandler jumps out of the car]
Rachel: This is Bonnie? (to Phoebe) This is Bonnie? (to Bonnie) Youre Bonnie?
Rachel: (to Phoebe) You said she was bald.
Phoebe: Yeah, she was bald, shes not now.
Phoebe: Oh no, Bonnies the best!
Phoebe: Okay, so what do you guys really think of Chandler?
Ross: Okay. (Closes the door.) (To Phoebe) I did divert her and we ended up having a great time! Okay?
Phoebe: Well actually you're the one person I can't tell this too. And the one person I want to the most.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are still talking.]
Phoebe: So Ross, how umm, how did it go with Bonnie?
Monica: (angrily) That is exactly why I do not lend you stuff!! (Rachel looks over at Phoebe in resignation.) Okay?! I mean, first it's my jewelry! And if it's not my jewelry, it's-it's my blue sweater! And if it's not my sweater, it's my sunglasses!
Ross: By the way, the week before your wedding you may not see a lot of me. (She glares at him and he quickly makes his way to Phoebes room.)
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Phoebe: Ohh, thats too bad!
David: In fact, ehm... I going to kiss you now. (David holds Phoebe and wants to kiss her.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!! So I-I mean so in a few months Im going to have three full grown babies just walkin around inside me?! Oh! Oh! And its gonna be one of those log rides where they just come shooting out!
Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome.
Phoebe: Yeah, so please, please, please, dont say anything to Chandler.
Phoebe: Five? Okay, where am I giving birth, a hospital or a big box under the stairs?
Phoebe: Yeah! How would you like it if I sent you to Lee Majors house and told you that he liked you, and you went down there and you found out that he didnt like you? How would you feel?
Joey: I'm gonna say someone I'm gonna have sex with. (the girl leaves and Phoebe goes toward the couch) (to Phoebe) Hey!
Rachel: Phoebe! (goes back to the window)
Phoebe: You said it was okay!
Phoebe: Okay, well you put down the toilet seat.
Phoebe: So?
Phoebe: Well isnt he your friend? Dont you want him to be happy?
Rachel: Phoebe, honey, if you hate it so much, you should walk out there right now and quit! Be true to what you believe in! Honey, you have principles and I so admire that! I don't have any!
Phoebe: Oh...you don't have to go, I have something that will fit you.
Phoebe: Okay, umm, question 2) Umm, did that marriage end A. Happily, B. Medium, or C. In the total abandonment of her and her two children?
Chandler: Oh suddenly, flowers are feminine? < Phoebe comes in>
Phoebe: Y'know what that means?
Phoebe: Whoa!! Thatokay, thats a lot of pressure on me and my uterus. (to Dr. Zane) So, well okay, so is thereis maybe is there something that I can do yknow just to like help make sure I get pregnant?
(Phoebe drives up.)
Phoebe: Why dont you go up there and ask him to step lightly, please?
Phoebe: Oy!!
Phoebe: (at the door) Knock, knock, knock.
Phoebe Sr: Ahh, yes.
Phoebe Sr: Oh.
Phoebe Sr: Uh-huh. Wow! Well, look! Theres Frank. (points to the picture.)
Phoebe: Wow! You guys really dont know anything!
Phoebe: Oh, what? What was it?
Chandler: Well, Phoebe I thought Id(Off Phoebes look)Yeah, what the hell. (Exits with Phoebe.)
Phoebe: (disappointed) Oh, okay. Well, so tell me everything about my parents. Everything.
Phoebe: (happily) Yeah, no, it was great.
Phoebe: I wouldn't bring that up, it would probably just bum him out.
Phoebe: (entering) Oh, hey!
Phoebe: Oh, so, how are we doing?
Monica: (to Phoebe) So whats Phoebe like?
Phoebe: Ohh, I think she knows where my Dad is.
Phoebe: (singing) ...fuchsia and mauvvve. Those are the 66 colours of my bedroommmm. (applause) Thank you, thank you. Ohh, and I invite you to count the colours in your bedroom. (Sees that Phoebe Sr. has entered, and to her) Except for you. You go away.
Phoebe: Okay.
Monica, Joey, and Phoebe: [singing] I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find...
Phoebe: Look, look! (She lifts up the roof, and the front panel falls revealing the interior.)
Phoebe: I don't even have a 'pl'.
Joey: Look weve got to find her. Phoebe just called!! Rachels coming to tell Ross she loves him!!
Phoebe: So, what? Monica, we have the winning ticket! My psychic said I was gonna win, remember?
Phoebe: Have you thought about what you would be giving up? You can't move out of the city, what if you want Chinese food at 5am? Or a fake Rolex that breaks as soon as it rains or an Asian hooker sent right to your door?
Monica: You guys! Do you realize that any minute now, Phoebe can be pregnant?