words in movies
(Both of them remove their hats as Phoebe enters.)
Phoebe: Hey! Umm, well, only okay because I just got back from, from the hospital.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, no-no-no. I'm fine. I'm okay, but umm, my Grandma sorta died.
Phoebe: It's okay, I mean she had a really incredible life. And it's not like I'm never gonna see her again, y'know she's gonna visit.
Phoebe: Yeah, her first day on a new spiritual plane and she's gonna come to the coffeehouse!
Phoebe: It's okay. Actually y'know what, it's kinda cool. 'Cause it's like y'know, one life ends and another begins.
Phoebe: Well umm, okay we were in the market and she bent down to get some yogurt and she just never came back up again.
Phoebe: It was really sweet. The last thing she said to me was; "Okay dear, you go get the eggs and I'm gonna get the yogurt and we'll meet at the checkout counter." And y'know what? We will meet at the checkout counter.
[Scene: Ursula's apartment, Phoebe is about to break the bad news to her sister. She knocks on the door.]
Phoebe: It's Phoebe.
Phoebe: Umm, well I sorta have some bad news, can I come in?
Phoebe: Umm, well, umm Grandma died.
Phoebe: No, she just died today! Okay, umm, we're having a memorial service tomorrow.
Phoebe: No you didn't!
Phoebe: Well, lots of people! Look, are you coming to memorial service or not?
Phoebe: Fine. Okay, enjoy your concert. (Starts to leave.)
[Scene: Phoebe's Grandmother's memorial, Phoebe is at the door welcoming people.]
Phoebe: Well hello, Mrs. Penella! Thank you so much for coming! Well, okay look, here's your umm, 3-D glasses and Reverend Pong will tell you when to put them on.
Phoebe: (notices his bag.) Hey, y'know what? My Grandma had the exact same bag!
Phoebe: Thanks!
(The gang moves off as Phoebe greets the new guest.)
Phoebe: Yeah, welcome.
Phoebe: Umm here's your 3-D glasses.
Phoebe: So how did you know Francis?
Phoebe: Really?! What's your name?
(Needless to say, Phoebe is stunned into silence. And one audience member gasps.)
Phoebe: You're Frank Buffay?
Phoebe: You just said
Phoebe: But
(Phoebe takes one step after him and stops.)
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Phoebe: That was my dad!
[Scene: The Funeral Home, continued from earlier. Phoebe is returning after looking for her father.]
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Phoebe: He said, "Nice to meet you Glenda." (They stare at her, dumbfounded) Well, obviously I couldn't give him my real name?
Phoebe: Come on, you saw the way he ran out of here! What do you think? He's gonna stick around and talk to the daughter he abandoned!
Phoebe: Well, I said, I told him y'know, that I was the executor person of Francis' will and that I needed to talk to him so I'm gonna meet him at the coffee house later.
Phoebe: All right, well, I just can't think about that right now. I just wanna say good-bye to my Grandma.
Phoebe: All right, I'd better go too. I have to go talk to my dad.
Phoebe: Umm, no, not at first 'cause I-I don't want to freak him out
Phoebe: Y'know it's funny, you'd think I'd be angry. I mean, you'd think I'd wanna rip his tiny little head off. Fortunately, I'm past it.
Monica: Phoebe, you do seem a little tense. Here, let me help you.
Phoebe: All right.
(She goes over and tries to give Phoebe a massage. Phoebe yelps in pain and jumps away from her.)
Phoebe: Oh! Get off!! Ow!! Oh, stop it!! Why?! Why are you doing that to me?!
Phoebe: As a masseuse and a human, I'm begging you, never do that to anyone!
Phoebe: (seeing the look on Chandler's face) He-he does not like it! He hates it! He's in pain!
Phoebe: Umm, thank you for meeting with me.
Phoebe: Come, sit. (He's hesitant.) Sit. (Still hesitating.) Sit! (He sits on the arm of the couch.) Umm, all righty, before we get started I justI need you to state for the official record that you are in fact Frank Buffay.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Huh?
Phoebe: Oh yes. Yes. Yeahno. She did. She left you umm, (looking in her purse) this lipstick.
Phoebe: Okay. I have just a few questions to ask so I'm going to get out my official forms. (She picks up a couple of crumpled receipts.) Okay, so, question 1) You and uh, you were married to Francis' daughter Lilly, is that correct?
Phoebe: Okay, umm, question 2) Umm, did that marriage end A. Happily, B. Medium, or C. In the total abandonment of her and her two children?
Phoebe: Yeah. See? (Quickly shows him.)
Phoebe: Hmm, okay, total abandonment. Okay, reasons for abandonment, A. Top secret government work, B. Amnesia, or C. Or you're just a selfish, irresponsible bad, bad man?
Phoebe: What?!
Phoebe: But you-you-you came to see Lilly?
Phoebe: Lilly's dead. (He looks up in shock.)
Phoebe: She's dead.
Phoebe: Well, if she isn't then cremating her was a big mistake.
Phoebe: 17 years ago.
Phoebe: Well, Ursula is a waitress and-and she lives in Soho. And Phoebe, (pause) is on this couch.
Phoebe: Yep, lipstick and a daughter, big day for you!
Frank Sr.: Phoebe, I-I-I-umm, (Sits down next to her and brushes against her leg.) Oops. (He backs up.) I just, I-I-I-I dont, I dont know what to say. I just can't believe that you're my daughter, you're so pretty.
Phoebe: Yes. Well, that's neither here nor there.
Phoebe: Y'know what, it doesnt matter what you say it's not gonna make a difference anyway, so you can just go.
Phoebe: That's a defense?
Phoebe: You make up songs?
(Phoebe is trying not to smile. He moves closer and very shyly holds out his hand and turns his head, hoping for Phoebe to take his hand. She doesn't.)
Phoebe: Well, I am. (Moves over and takes his hand.)
Phoebe: Not yet, no. (Drops his hand and moves back.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey returns from his audition and finds everyone but Phoebe there.]
Phoebe: Alright, well, maybe now its not okay.
Phoebe: So how is this for our big double date tonight? (She is all dressed up)
Phoebe: Alright, no, we could look at them!
Phoebe: Well, I never call me.
Phoebe: Okay, well, I just don't, I don't know how it works exactly. See, my name is Buffay and my husband's name is Hannigan, so is it supposed to be Buffay-Hannigan or Hannigan-Buffay?
[Scene: Tattoo parlor. Rachel is showing Phoebe her tattoo.]
Phoebe: Im just saying hi! Now Im gonna go!
Chandler: Thanks, Phoebe. But I just don't really see myself in a big white hat.
PHOEBE: Ok, don't get me started on gravity.
Phoebe: Are you kidding? Im like the one who talked him into it. I like to think of myself as the puppet master of the group.
PHOEBE: Ahh. OK, let's see yours again.
Phoebe: Wh-why is that the best part?
PHOEBE: Come in.
PHOEBE: Hey Ryan, what's up?
Chandler: (motioning with his hands) Im not worried, Im uh, Im fascinated. Yknow its like uh, Biology! Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me. (Exits as Phoebe enters from her room with her guitar.)
PHOEBE: Ohh, ohh.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch as Monica enters.]
Phoebe: (checking for herself) (To Monica) Mazel tov.
PHOEBE: No.
PHOEBE: Give it.
[Later, Phoebe is on the phone, theyre all still trapped in Monicas bedroom.]
PHOEBE: Now do me, do my back. Oh come on, harder.
PHOEBE: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ahh, hello, human-rights violation.
[Flashback to: The Street in front of Central Perk, Ross and Joey are holding a yellow tape across the road and everyone is cheering Phoebe as she bounces around the corner on a hippity-hop.]
Phoebe: That is so sweet, you guys. (hugs them)
PHOEBE: Please. [Ryan pulls the cork with his teeth and spits it into Phoebe's mits.]
PHOEBE: Can I please take these off? I swear I won't scratch.
PHOEBE: What?
PHOEBE: Oh.
(Phoebe laughs, then stops to think about it. Ross enters.)
PHOEBE and RYAN: Bye. [waving]
PHOEBE: I got it. [Wipes it up with her mits.]
PHOEBE: No, only the three of you, any more than that and she'll get suspicious.
Phoebe: Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, it was just, it was so sweet. (She goes to hug them and they both flinch, thinking that Phoebe is about to attack them.)
Phoebe: Why do you think, she's having so much fun living with Joey?
RACHEL: Phoebe, I thought your dad was in prison.
PHOEBE: I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm used to playing for grown-ups. Ya know, they just, grown-ups drink their coffee and do their grown-up thing, ya know, and kids listen. This is a huge responsibility. What? Are you gonna kiss me?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there; Chandler is showing everyone his new computer.]
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a date with this guy, and I swear to God, he is her other half.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Monica, and Richard are there]
Phoebe: Not really, I got to drag him around too! (They all nod, "Oh.")
Phoebe: I think on some levels she already knows.
Phoebe: I can't believe you... (holding up Joey's cardigan) ..did this.
Phoebe: Okay, we're gonna take a short break. (Goes over to their table)
PHOEBE: All right, stop it, you're freaking me out.
Rachel: Oh my God, Phoebe, Pottery Barn has ripped off the design of our antique!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Ross are there.]
Phoebe: Wait. Why was he yelling at her? Hes the one who slept with someone else.
Phoebe: Yeah. Ooh God, there's that face again! See I can't do this job! I...
Phoebe: Nobody! Nobody respects the bucket! You wouldn't believe what people put in here! Look! (Hands it to Monica.) Okay, does this look like a garbage can to you?
Rachel: What? Hey wait a minute! Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is?
Phoebe: Okay, now you're just kinda tidying.
PHOEBE: Bye, good luck.
Phoebe: Great! Okay, if youll just excuse me. (To the guy) So, did you hear something you liked?
Phoebe: Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number.
PHOEBE: Well at least we know she's a woman.
Phoebe: so this guy was all (Mumbles.) And I'm all, Buffay, Homicide. (Flashes the badge.) It was just so cool!
Monica: Hey Phoebe, will you give me a hand?
Phoebe: Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is talking to Rachels, who is now showing, stomach.]
PHOEBE: Oh, my.
Phoebe: Ross, its not that big a deal! So youll been divorced three times, youll still have a life, youll go on dates
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, with the puppy, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
[Time lapse, Phoebe is still asleep only Joey is now passed out next to her and the cars still moving. She wakes up, sees Joey, and screams.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the coffee table.]
JOEY: Phoebe, this was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Phoebe: All in good time my love. All in good time. Oh shoot! I left my guitar in their apartment. Well you can let me in later.
Phoebe: yeah I've nothing to be ashamed of ok so I haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer then a month. Ok I haven't had a real boyfriend you know if he can't handle that he can leave. which he will and that's ok. so I'll just be alone forever you know alright I'll be. it'll be fine. it'll be fine. I'll go walking tours with widows and lesbians. Oh (takes a deep breath and sits down, knock on the door)
Monica: If Phoebe were my maid of honor
PHOEBE: Alright Monica, if there is something that you would like to share...
PHOEBE: Everything you've heard is true.
PHOEBE: Hey now you have two. [Chandler looks annoyed] Oh, now you have two.
Phoebe: Hi Monica!
PHOEBE: No, huh uh, I'm sorry, no. No, I'm not some like sloppy second, charity band. You know what, there are thousands of places in this city where people would be happy to pay to hear me play. (Out on the sidewalk, singing) When I play, I play for me, I don't need your charity. (Someone puts a coin in her guitar case) Thank you! La la la la la la la....
Joey: You shut up! (To Phoebe and Rachel) I love arguing with her. (To Erin) Ill be right back.
Rachel: Oh! Phoebe, all babies are beautiful!
[Scene: Central Park, Ross is teaching Ben how to ride a bike. Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are they also.]
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, they are entering to check out the newly refurbished apartment.]
Phoebe: Oh...yes..is this..umm..Emilys Parents house.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there]
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, um-mm. Oh!
Phoebe: Oh great! And listen, could you do us a favor and not tell Chandler and Monica about this? Cause yknow umm, they dont-they dont have any kids of their own and-and this door was like a child to them.
(Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her.)
Phoebe: Okay, you guys. You guys I think I know whats going on here. Okay, you guys STOP!! (They stop.) I know that, I know that youre acting mad because you think that itll make it easier to leave. But deep down youre still really sad. Deep-deep down.
Phoebe: Ok, we're taking that paddle home, mister.
Phoebe: Alright. I looked all over the building and I couldn't find the kitty anywhere.
Phoebe: Where? (Turns to face him) Ooh, come to Momma.
Phoebe: Monica, she will kill you. She will kill you like a dog in the street.
Phoebe: Monica, do you want us to take you home?
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is showing Phoebe around.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross are there.]
PHOEBE: Is anyone else starting to really like him?
Phoebe: Okay. (she starts to stuff styrofoam peanuts down the front of Joey's pants.)
PHOEBE: Well you said that he's paying the people who are playing.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for a barbecue for Rachel's birthday.]
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah thats too bad. I really want to go to his concert Friday night, but its totally sold out. I know! Why dont you meet him and get tickets?! If you get two Ill take you.
PHOEBE: Oh ok, Ryan, that guy I went out with, who's in the Navy.
PHOEBE: Are you the cutest?
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe and Ryan are playing Monopoly.]