words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are on the couch talking. Phoebe is getting coffee.]
(Phoebe sits down between Chandler and Ross.)
Phoebe: What? What happened to the window in the attic?!
Phoebe: I cant believe I still dont know what happened to the window in the attic!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
Phoebe: Ugh, I hate this year!
Phoebe: Well okay, its already February and Ive only given two massages and they were both the worst tippers in the world!
Phoebe: Oh thats right!
Phoebe: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Yknow, I probably wouldnt have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah, like you never called!
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is getting shown to her desk by the supervisor.]
Phoebe: Okay, I can do that! Oh, by the way, I love my office.
Phoebe: Oh okay. Umm, all right. (Picks up the phone and starts reading from the script.) Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please?
Phoebe: Umm, okay I would like to talk to you about your toner needs.
Phoebe: Oh okay, well Im sorry to bother you. Bye-bye. (Hangs up the phone.) Yeah youre right, this is easy.
Phoebe: Oh well, all right um, no offense, but you were kind of rude.
Phoebe: Oh.
Phoebe: No. (Pause) Oh wait yes! I do, I do have one question. What is toner?
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is hard at work.]
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? (Listens) Earl, thanks. (Listens) Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies Id like to talk to you about your toner needs. (Shes reading from the script.)
[Cut to Earls office, who is played by Jason Alexander, George from Seinfeld. They cut back and forth between Phoebes and Earls offices with each of their lines.]
Phoebe: Im hearing what youre saying, but at our prices everyone needs toner.
Phoebe: May I ask why?
Phoebe: I surely do!
(Phoebe desperately tries to find the scripted response to that line.)
Phoebe: (doesnt have any luck) Umm, is-is that because youre out of toner?
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still talking to Earl.]
Phoebe: No-no wait-wait! I cant just let you hang up! Just please talk to me.
Phoebe: Yeah! Now, why do you want to kill yourself?
Phoebe: Chandler?
Phoebe: No look, I-Im sure that people know you exist!
Earl: Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. Ive been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no ones even looked up from their desk. Hang-hang on. (To the people standing around his cubicle.) Hey everybody! Uh, Im gonna kill myself! (Theres no response; no one even looks up.) Ill get back to ya. (To Phoebe) I got nothing. Wait. (He sets the phone down.) Uh, hey Marge! (Mimes putting a gun to his head, pulling the trigger, and splattering his brain on the wall behind him. Then points to himself. Marge watches this, then goes back to work.) (To Phoebe) Ehh, nothing. Nothing.
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still trying to talk Earl out of suicide.]
Phoebe: Earl, youre not hearing me! All Im saying is that youre not alone all right? Everybody hates the people they work with! (One of her coworkers overhears that, and she mimes that she didnt mean him.)
Phoebe: Wait, what was that? That sounded like someone being nice to you.
Phoebe: All right so Earl, lets just forget about the people at the office, okay? There-theres gotta be someone else in your life worth sticking around for! What about-what about your family, your friends, or maybe your girlfriend?
Phoebe: Oh sorry, boyfriend!
Phoebe: No, whatever! Anything!
Phoebe: Yeah, hes gotta go.
Phoebe: No! Im not finished yet! Dont! Dont you dare hang up on me!!!
[Scene: Earls Office, Earl has his head in his hands as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: (to Marge) Excuse me! Can you tell me where I can find Earl? Hes the supply manager around here.
Phoebe: (goes over to his desk) Earl! Im Phoebe.
Earl: Phoebe? The lady who sells toner?
Phoebe: Umm, look it, you-you cant kill yourself.
Phoebe: No-no I cant! I cant let you do it!
Phoebe: Because it was fate that made me call you today!
Phoebe: No! Think about it okay? This isnt even my regular job! Okay? And my first day on the job, youre my first call! And-and somebody else mightve hung up on you, but I wouldnt do that because I know about this stuff. My mom killed herself.
Phoebe: Yes.
Phoebe: Im not gonna give you tips! Look dont you see that this-this this all came together so that I could stop you from doing this.
Phoebe: No, its fate!
Phoebe: Oh. Well umm, okay heres a weird thing. My mother was also a supply manager.
Phoebe: Oh my God! So was she! And! Get this, okay? Your-your name is Earl, right? Her name was Pearl, P-Earl.
Phoebe: Sure! (Thinks.) Umm, where are you from?
Phoebe: Oh my God! So was she! Oh, Ive got-Ive got goose bumps. (She holds out her arm.)
Phoebe: Well, yknow Im wearing layers and its warm.
Phoebe: But ifno look, okay. These jerks might not care about you, but the universe does! And that says a lot!
Earl: (To All) Did you hear that?! I dont need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To Phoebe) I really wished theyd care just a little bit though.
Phoebe: Yknow, I dont-I dont think its you. This is a freaky place. (To All) Hey! Guys! (Everyone looks up.) (To Earl) Oh no, its you.
Phoebe: Oh, no-no, this place is totally healthy! Thatthis milk is mine. I bought this today, 'cause I was thirsty for milk, y'know. (She takes a swig of it, but has to turn away from him as she makes a face to show that it has gone bad.) Okay, let's go!
Phoebe: No-no, oh, Im fine with the age thing y'know, until it starts sticking its tongue down my little brothers throat!
Phoebe: Eww! Oh, its all dirty. You should throw this out.
(Phoebe nods as he stands up in delight.)
Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel: I had one.
Phoebe: Atlantic City, baby! Let's roll some bones! Hey Joey, high-five for rolling bones!
Phoebe: Have you two, you know... like... you know... you know... yet?
Phoebe: Yes.
Phoebe: Wait, no, look at this! (Points to one.) (Reading) "Two bedroom, two bath, must be non-smoker, Satan worshipers okay " Oh, yeah, but its on the ground floor.
(Trying not to wrinkle her nose, Phoebe smiles back realising it's down to her to make up for her negligent sister. Meanwhile, Ursula still hasn't received her side salad, but when she attempts to attract the waiter's attention, he ignores her.)
Phoebe: Alright, wait, so what you're saying is that the chef is at the Hamilton Club, but the food is not and the drinks are there, but the bartender is not? Are you, are you FREAKING KIDDING ME!?
Robert: (to Phoebe) So are ready for the gym? Theyve got this new rock climbing wall, we can spot each other.
(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent.)
Mrs. Waltham: Oh my God, Phoebe.
Ross: So, guys, am I crazy, or does Phoebes mom remind anyone of a cat?
Phoebe: Oh, but I can't do that-
Phoebe: Ohh! No.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there.]
Phoebe: I'm still on "no."
Phoebe: There we go.You know what, if we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches.
Phoebe: All right, so what were you thinking?
Phoebe: You cant fire him and dump him the same day, hell kill himself.
Phoebe: Where?
PHOEBE: [enters] Hey you guys, you will never guess who's coming to New York.
Rachel: Oh. (we hear laughing from the upstairs apartment) Oh my God, is that Phoebe?
PHOEBE: Phoebe, just watch that, I promise it will resotre all your faith in humanity.
Phoebe: Yeah, I can't say that. uhm... Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you... Mike and I are back together... and uhm... unfortunately that effectively ends your relationship with him. And he's very sorry about that and wishes you the best of luck in all your endeavours.
Phoebe: Oh. Oh!
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Okay, this will keep them away from your stuff. (Writes him a note and the gang reads it.)
Phoebe: (reading): Your Visa bill is huge!
Phoebe: (entering) Everbody this is Frank! This is my half-brother Frank.
Phoebe: Oh, look, look, he's closing his eyes. (screen goes blank) Look, he's opening his eyes. (picture comes back)
Phoebe: (to Chandler and Ross) Thank you.
Phoebe: Oh my God! Youre getting a massage! You never let me massage you!!
[They keep flicking each other. This turns into slapping each other. This leads to wrestling on the floor. All the while Phoebe is saying "Happy thoughts". Eventually Phoebe gets fed up.]
Phoebe: Demi Moore.
Phoebe: Okay. (They shake hands and she pulls away suddenly) Oh my God! What did I ever do to you?! (Rubbing her hand.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah! Oh, I can do that.
Phoebe: Good! Good! I was just testing you.
Phoebe: You wanna do it right now?
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
[Monica and Phoebe enter.]
Phoebe: Yknow thats really fair. Yknow? Most guys who have been divorced three times are like 60. Ross, nobody cares about this except you! This-this embarrassment thing is all in your head! Here, Ill show you! Come here.
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Rachel knows?
Phoebe: Oh, all right. What did I have?
Phoebe: (stirring pot) Ok, all done.
Phoebe: Y'know, if you want, you can call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps, that means she probably didn't get her messages yet.
Phoebe: Um, we went shopping for um, for, fur.
PHOEBE: Alright, I'm sorry but these people needed me. They work hard all week, it's Saturday night, they deserve to have a little fun. Go.
Phoebe: Ben, dinner!
Phoebe: I licked my arm, what?
Phoebe: So?
Phoebe: Oh let me guess, and you wanna have them all at the same time and you wanna have them for your brother.
PHOEBE: Maybe that's because you haven't taken the time to get to know him. Let's remedy that, shall we?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Chandler enters.]
Ross: Hey. (Phoebe sees his bags)
Phoebe: No! Its not a cigarette! The smoke is coming out of me!
PHOEBE: Well, OK, the record company sent over this piece of paper for me to sign, saying that it's OK for someone else to sing for me. That was my first clue.
Phoebe: Wait, wait, wait, wait! (Runs over and joins in on the hug again.)
PHOEBE: You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason.
CHANDLER: Ok, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Well, I think my mother was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats. (Ross hands her one) Thank you! So what, youre just never going to tell her?
PHOEBE: Nah. Not really.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are standing around the table drinking champagne as Ross enters.]
Phoebe: What's goin' on?
PHOEBE: Really? You can actually see it?
PHOEBE: See, I didn't know that.
Phoebe: Yeah, you mean like that youre kind of a loner.
Ross: Okay Phoebe, I guess youre next (To Joey) although I really dont see the point.
PHOEBE: Huh. So now, the real question is, who put those fossils there, and why?
PHOEBE: Look, can't we just say that you believe in something, and I don't.
[Scene: The Doctors office, Phoebe is giving a pep talk to the petrie dish containing the embryos.]
Phoebe: I thought you said you read it in high school.
(They all decay into massive bickering as Phoebe returns from the bathroom.)
Ross: Phoebe, there is no secret. Okay? I didnt propose.
Phoebe: Im wearing his briefs right now.
Phoebe: Really? Not even to, um, change his PAJAMAS?! (Whips back the sheet to reveal him wearing new pajamas.)
PHOEBE: Janice? You called Janice?
Phoebe: Hi Phoebe Abott, Im your best friends daughter!
Phoebe: You know what? You are right. I am gonna quit. It's time I took my life back!
ROSS: It's the only possibility, Phoebe.
MONICA: Phoebe, tell her!
PHOEBE: Uh huh. Why is that?
Chandler: I think we have some time. Have you ever heard him talk? (doing David) "Uh, Phoebe, uh, I would be honoured, uh..." Spit it out, David!
Phoebe: Yeah you're always singing "Yummy yummy yummy, I've got love in my tummy"
PHOEBE: You're there!
Phoebe: Why, so he can get mad at the baby?
(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)
Phoebe: (laughing) You are just nonstop!
GUY: [to Phoebe] I hear you can get people out of here.
Phoebe: Oh, hey, y'know what? Tell them that bone story.
[Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.]
Phoebe: I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.
PHOEBE: I might have.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe’s reading, Joey has just entered the room]
Phoebe: Y'know what, you should like, you should buy a state and then just name it after yourself.
Phoebe: (gasps) Another amazing find! Wow! Oh I bet this has a great story too!
Phoebe: Yeah, ooh, I like that! Yeah. Wait! How do you know about bah-bah-bha-bhan?