words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are watching ET.]
Phoebe: (crying) Yeah me too.
Phoebe: Oh yknow whats sadder than this? Bambi. I cried for three days with that movie. No wait two! Because on the third day my mother killed herself so I was partly crying for that.
Phoebe: All right, whats going on there? (Points to a picture.)
Phoebe: Oh Chandler!
Phoebe: So that story doesnt make you cry?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is putting away her guitar as a man approaches.]
Phoebe: Yeah?
The Fan: Are you Phoebe Buffay?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Oh youre my biggest fan? Ive always wanted to meet you! Hi! (Shakes his hand.) Sure! Yeah! (Signs the autograph)
Phoebe: Youre just saying that because youre my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) Hes a fan. (To the fan as shes leaving) Bye! (Exits)
The Fan: I have no idea what youre talking about. But I, but I just got Phoebe Buffays autograph!
Joey: Oh, youre Phoebes fan!
The Fan: That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star.
Joey: Hey Gunther, dont let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebes a porn star!
Ross: Hey! Uh, Phoebes not here is she?
Joey: (holds up the movie) Phoebes a porn star!
Chandler: Phoebe Buffay in Buffay: The Vampire Layer.
Monica: Thats Phoebe! Where did you get that?
Rachel: Wow! I mean, I justI cant, I cant believe this. Yknow, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe whos always been somewhat of a question mark.
Joey: We cant watch that! I mean thats Phoebe!
Joey: No! Hey no! This is wrong you guys! Phoebes our friend! Well, Im not gonna watch it!
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Whats up? (Sees the TV) Oh my God! What am I doing?!!
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Phoebe: Its Phoebe! Phoebe!
Phoebe: (seeing her dress) Oh God. So-so youre making porn movies.
Phoebe: Youre making one right now!
Another Mans Voice: Lets go Phoebe!
Phoebe: And-and youre using my name!
Same Mans Voice: Phoebe, come on!
Phoebe: Look, Im talking right now! Youreyou mean her.
Phoebe: What?!
Phoebe: No!! No way! No! And stop using my name! And shame on you! (Yells into the apartment) And shame on all of you! Youre disgusting! Especially you (points to someone) with that! (Storms away.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a paper as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Phoebe: No! No! I just went to pick up Phoebe Buffays checks; there were a lot of them.
Phoebe: Um-mmm, and I wont have to go there anymore because I gave them my correct address.
Phoebe: Oh no! No! I know how to handle it.
Phoebe: Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where hes seen her before.) (To him) Youre trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, Ill give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?
Phoebe: Well, you promised me a fun road trip! Weve been on the road six hours and youve been asleep for five and a half! We are switching at the next rest stop and you are going to drive all the way back! That will be your punishment, you greedy sleeper!
Phoebe: We won.
(They all glare evilly at Phoebe)
Phoebe: She is lying! And I bet I can prove it. Excuse me. (She grabs Ursulas purse and starts going through it and finds some papers.) Okay. Okay. YeahNot a prayer chain, but what looks like a detailed drawing of a bank floor plan. (Holds up her nametag.) Okay, heres the nametag from the restaurant where she works as a waitress! Not a teacher, a waitress. All right, heres her driver license, this oughta be good, she always lies about this. How old did she say she was?
Phoebe: Sure!
Phoebe: Hey!
Ross: Phoebe, what happened?
Phoebe: Oh no!You guys aren't supposed to get divorced for 7 years!
Phoebe: ...teen! (throws in a ten-dollar bill)
PHOEBE: No because I chickened out the last time when I tried to meet him. So I mean coincidences? I don't think so.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: But what?
Phoebe: Hee hee!
Monica: Listen Phoebe...
Phoebe: No, you can�t go. No-no-no, I can�t hold this table on my own. If they ask me to move, I cave.
Phoebe: (pause) Ok, say no more.
[Time lapse: Phoebe in front of restaurant again]
Phoebe: Okay, fine, I�ll move. Alright, you don�t have to manhandle me. (gets up) Where? (he points at a smaller table) Okay. Thank you. Wach.
Phoebe: Yes! A friend of mine did it and its totally legal!
Phoebe: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.
Phoebe: Don't tear it.
Phoebe: Right, yeah, ok, I'll ask the butler to fetch my diamonds out of the vault.
Phoebe: Hey!
(Phoebe comes in)
Phoebe: My songs aren't good enough for your restaurant?
Phoebe: Well...it's not about quality.
[Cut to Phoebe in Rosss new apartment looking at Monica and Chandler and what theyre about to do in The One Where Everybody Finds Out.]
[Scene: In front of Monica's restaurant. Phoebe is playing]
Phoebe: Oh my God! Youre right! Go! (Monica starts to leave.) Go tell Chandler! Hurry before its too late! Wait no! (Monica stops.) Does this also mean putting out doesnt get you love? (Monica is shocked.)
Phoebe: Oh, right, so he gets a little crazy when he's stoned.
Phoebe: I'm sorry too... (they hug)
Roy: All right, somebody show me where to plug in my box, and we'll get this party started! (he thrusts his pelvis towards Phoebe) Whaaaa... (walks back to plug in his cd player) Here? All right.
Phoebe: You know, I might know somebody. Hey, how about you set me up with someone, and we double date!
Phoebe: Oh no! He's not getting away that easy! (Phoebe and Joey run towards the bathroom and enter)
Phoebe: It's all right. You can mourn.
Phoebe: What is it?
Phoebe: I-I mean I, well I think I can figure it out. I guess y'know I was born, and everyone started lying their asses off!
Phoebe: (catches it) Nah, I don't feel like playing. (She sets the ball down on the table and everyone gasps.)
Phoebe: Okay, oh, and Emma needs a cowgirl outfit for the competition.
Monica: Phoebe, it's not about quantity.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is entering, Phoebe is already there.]
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are cleaning up the mess.]
Phoebe: Hi!
Phoebe: Ah, ah.
Phoebe: Youre right. Youre right, hes just embracing life. We could all stand to be a little more like Parker. You know what? I am like him! Im a sunny, positive person.
Phoebe: We know about your party Joey.
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Oh! Well, what kind of emergency that gets us both out of here?
Phoebe: Hey Ross!
Phoebe: Oh, What's the matter?
Phoebe: Ugh, okay Sherlock! (Hands over the key.)
Phoebe: Worse?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are laying out the ground rules for the maid of honor auditions to Rachel and Phoebe.]
Phoebe: (gasps) Ohh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. (The chick clucks.) You'll get your turn!
Phoebe: Yes, and her boyfriend. But we're celebrating Thanksgiving in December 'cause he is lunar.
Phoebe: Are you kidding. He is so considerate of my feelings and... you know I think... you'd also like to know that he is a very gentle lover.
(She storms into his apartment to find him with a towel around his shoulders, a bowl on his head, and Phoebe with scissors in her hand.)
Phoebe: And no, oh please, oh please let me finish. (Rachel stops talking.) Oh I guess that was it.
Phoebe: Y'know you guys were a lot more supportive when I wanted to make denim furniture.
Phoebe: Okay, now you're just taking lines right out of the song!
Phoebe: Ok well give her a chance to see all of that!
Phoebe: Then what's wrong with them? Would they not go with your tiny portions of pretentious food?
Phoebe: Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler.
Phoebe: I ordered Chinese food.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
[Scene: The theatre where Joey is auditioning. Phoebe enters when Joey's on stage and she sits down. He hasn't seen her.]
Phoebe: Promise?
Phoebe: You know, you are talking about one of my dear, dear friends.
Phoebe: Well, do you care about friendship?
Monica: (sliding into Joeys place on the couch to try and talk to Phoebe) Huh? Whatd ya say Joe? Ill be right there. (gets up and joins Joey)
(Phoebe enters the hall)
Phoebe: Ohh, Im getting too pregnant for this, lugging around a stupid massage table. Yknow, I have to find a job where I carrying a smaller table. (She goes over and stands in front of the TV.)
Receptionist: Phoebe, your next client's in the waiting room.
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are waiting for Phoebe to arrive with the cab.]
Phoebe: (watching around and whispering) Ok, are they listening?
Phoebe: I didnt know where to put it so I just left it here for now.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are having brunch.]
Phoebe: Is something wrong?
Phoebe: Ja!
Phoebe: Okay, then I'm Swedish...
Phoebe: (Thinks for a few moments) Uhm... Stockholm.
Phoebe: Yeah and I-I found you one too who is not a weirdo.
Rachel: Yeah. Sure. (Throws some in her bag and she walks away as Phoebe, dressed as Supergirl walks up and eyes Monica who eyes her back.)
Phoebe: You know it's me?
Phoebe: How can you come here?
Phoebe: Uhu, uhu... and why do you think that is?
Phoebe: Oh, Ja! Ja!
Phoebe: I don't have to tell you everything!
Phoebe: Ok.
Rachel: (now lifts her head) Phoebe!!
Rachel: Oh! Phoebe, why did you lie to me about working here?
[Scene: The Spa Reception. Phoebe walks in]
Receptionist: Good morning Phoebe.
Phoebe: It's a normal Swedish name... Ikea...
Phoebe: Exactly!
(Ross resumes playing, this time accompanied by Phoebe screeching out Es in tune with Ross. While Phoebe is singing along, Rachel is having a very difficult time keeping a straight face. Thankfully, Ross gives up after a little while.)
Phoebe: Ok, that'll be great!
Phoebe: Well, you could wait til I go to the dentist, maybe Ill kill him.
Rachel: Hi! Ok, you're ready to go pick up Phoebe and go shopping?
Phoebe: (singing) Food here at 'Javu'..will kill you..the food here at 'Javu' ...will kill you..