words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are watching ET.]
Phoebe: (crying) Yeah me too.
Phoebe: Oh yknow whats sadder than this? Bambi. I cried for three days with that movie. No wait two! Because on the third day my mother killed herself so I was partly crying for that.
Phoebe: All right, whats going on there? (Points to a picture.)
Phoebe: Oh Chandler!
Phoebe: So that story doesnt make you cry?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is putting away her guitar as a man approaches.]
Phoebe: Yeah?
The Fan: Are you Phoebe Buffay?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Oh youre my biggest fan? Ive always wanted to meet you! Hi! (Shakes his hand.) Sure! Yeah! (Signs the autograph)
Phoebe: Youre just saying that because youre my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) Hes a fan. (To the fan as shes leaving) Bye! (Exits)
The Fan: I have no idea what youre talking about. But I, but I just got Phoebe Buffays autograph!
Joey: Oh, youre Phoebes fan!
The Fan: That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star.
Joey: Hey Gunther, dont let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebes a porn star!
Ross: Hey! Uh, Phoebes not here is she?
Joey: (holds up the movie) Phoebes a porn star!
Chandler: Phoebe Buffay in Buffay: The Vampire Layer.
Monica: Thats Phoebe! Where did you get that?
Rachel: Wow! I mean, I justI cant, I cant believe this. Yknow, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe whos always been somewhat of a question mark.
Joey: We cant watch that! I mean thats Phoebe!
Joey: No! Hey no! This is wrong you guys! Phoebes our friend! Well, Im not gonna watch it!
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Whats up? (Sees the TV) Oh my God! What am I doing?!!
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Phoebe: Its Phoebe! Phoebe!
Phoebe: (seeing her dress) Oh God. So-so youre making porn movies.
Phoebe: Youre making one right now!
Another Mans Voice: Lets go Phoebe!
Phoebe: And-and youre using my name!
Same Mans Voice: Phoebe, come on!
Phoebe: Look, Im talking right now! Youreyou mean her.
Phoebe: What?!
Phoebe: No!! No way! No! And stop using my name! And shame on you! (Yells into the apartment) And shame on all of you! Youre disgusting! Especially you (points to someone) with that! (Storms away.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a paper as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Phoebe: No! No! I just went to pick up Phoebe Buffays checks; there were a lot of them.
Phoebe: Um-mmm, and I wont have to go there anymore because I gave them my correct address.
Phoebe: Oh no! No! I know how to handle it.
Phoebe: Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where hes seen her before.) (To him) Youre trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, Ill give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?
Phoebe: Yeah. Um... I'm out. (throws in cards)
Phoebe: Y'know I had a dream where Ross and Rachel were still together, they never broke up. And we were all just like hanging out, and everyone was happy....
Phoebe: Oh my God Chandler, the one you picked is gone. Its over!
PHOEBE: OK, I wasn't in love with him and I was just helping out a friend.
Phoebe: Oh, yay!
Phoebe: Ooooh, nice.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- (Searches in her purse) -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
Phoebe: I'm telling you! Oh, okay! This is the part of the musical where there'd be a really good convincing song. (Singing) "Bam-bam, don't take no for an answer. Bam-bam, don't let love fly away. Bam-bam-bam-bam..."
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out!
(Phoebe throws another jab, and lands it on Joeys nose, causing it to bleed.)
Phoebe: Is that a problem?
Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh!
Phoebe: All right, I have ya. Oh God.
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Oh my god. Now I've seen everything! [Phoebe's voice] Whoa, she's gone. She's gone. She's gone! Go ahead, get married. Go, go.
Phoebe: Kay, put your head back.
Phoebe: Ick, you were eavesdropping.
Phoebe: (entering) Helloo! Oh! (sees Joey and starts to leave)
Phoebe: (after a pause) Finish it!
PHOEBE: She wants to meet you in person.
Phoebe: (entering) Hellooo!
Phoebe: (coming in from the bathroom) Oh, good, good, you guys are here! Listen, how would like to spend tomorrow taking care of three incredibly cute little puppies?!
Phoebe: Would you stop that! Do you wanna know the first thing she said when she came back from her lunch with Richard? She didn't feel anything for him. She loves you!
Monica: Phoebe!
Monica: (to Phoebe) Quick, take off your dress, he wont notice the bed.
Phoebe: Its Monicas bed. What?
Phoebe: I know I'm not, but you are, and I was trying to spare your feelings.
Phoebe: Okay, well Ill bring them by tomorrow morning. Okay, and uh, by the way, theyre not actually puppies, theyre Frank and Alices triplets. Okay, see ya! (Exits.)
Phoebe: Youre thing. Youre thing. Yknow? Youre the guy who gets divorced.
PHOEBE: (singing) ... with the double double double-jointed boy. Hey. So um, are you the professional guitar player?
PHOEBE: Yes, yes, and it's, and we always have to go to, you know, someplace nice, you know? God, and it's not like we can say anything about it, 'cause, like this birthday thing, it's for Ross.
Phoebe: Okay. All right, this is my favourite part of the weekend, right now, this.
Rachel: Phoebe, what? Umm...what?!
Monica: (embarrassed) (To Phoebe and Rachel) I didnt even tell him to say that. (They hug). All right youre off my list.
Phoebe: All right. We're gonna take Clunkers to Rosss. We'll be back in a minute. (Gets up with Monica to do so.)
Phoebe: (pushes her head back down) Time for your scalp massage!
[Scene: Heeling Hands Inc., Phoebes work, she is giving a massage to the guy, Rick, she likes.]
Phoebe: Hey lady, your days over! Its my turn!
Phoebe: Oh please, somebody tell me I dont have to go to work today!
Phoebe: I do, he's been working on that all day! (looking at Joey)
Ross: No. I am not putting on makeup. (Knock at the door. Phoebe enters.)
Phoebe: Well tell that to them. Oh! You cant, their dead.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Phoebe enters with a paper turkey.]
Phoebe: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why?
Phoebe: OK. (pause) Oh Monica! Guess what!
PHOEBE: Hey. Oh thanks for the great movie tip.
Phoebe: Oh, my friend Sarah had a great time last night.
Phoebe: (the cat runs away from her) Oooh! You are a very bad man!
Phoebe: Dont you see? Everyones looking at me! The plans working! I didnt even have to take off my top yet!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey are there.]
PHOEBE: Didn't you like, just get your eyes checked?
Phoebe: (in a deep voice, imitating Ross) Um, Rachel Im really sorry. (imitating Rachel) Thats okay, do you wanna get back together? (imitating Ross) Yeah, okay. (in her normal voice) Did anyone else hear that?!
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: Okay! I justI didnt know that you are a lesbian. (Joey smiles and nods lewdly.)
Phoebe: Oh, I almost dont want to show this. (Hands it to him.) Just remember Im a minute younger.
Phoebe: You guys you really should get rid of those animals. They shouldnt be living in an apartment.
PHOEBE: OK, I smell smoke. Maybe that's 'cause someone's pants are on fire.
Phoebe: 'Cause, you know, (in that voice) if you don't look good, we don't look good. I love that voice.
Frank Jr.: You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two I can handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand, but what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on. I've got no more hands to protect my area! There's three of them, Phoebe, three!
Monica: Phoebe, Sandras mad at you too. It-it doesnt bother you?
PHOEBE: No. What do you, what do you want me to be, like some stupid, big, like, purple dinosaur?
Monica: Oh my pleasure. Okay, Im afraid Ive got some bad news. (Phoebe enters.) Phoebe!
Phoebe: Is that a new Swede jacket? It looks really expensive.
Phoebe: Great, ok faster! "je"
(Monica and Phoebe look at each other and leave the apartment again)
Ross: (To Phoebe) Hey Pheebs! How's that uh, vegetarian pizza working out for ya? You and those vegetables have a real thing going on, huh?
Phoebe: I know.
Phoebe: (joining him) Love....
Phoebe: Ive found....
Phoebe: Hey, its your Thanksgiving too, y'know, instead of watching football, you could help.
Monica and Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yes, Im the one who found your phone.
Phoebe: Yay!!
Phoebe: (walking back in with her hand over her eyes.) Umm, wheres my purse?
Phoebe: Well, I am. (Moves over and takes his hand.)
Monica: Phoebe.
(They start smacking each other's cups, but Phoebe notices a security guard approaching.)
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Whats block?
Phoebe: Go! Go! Go!
Phoebe: Yeah, and nobody slept with that Xerox girl.
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!
Phoebe: Touchdown!! Touchdown!!
Monica: Run, Phoebe, run!
Phoebe: Oh my God!
PHOEBE: Why couldn't you have just figured this out six years ago?
Phoebe: Uh, wow! Isn't it ironic that he liked you and now you like him?
Phoebe: Oh, I know! "Oh...I slept with Billy Joel". All right, who hasn't?
Phoebe: Woo-yay!!
Phoebe: I love this game!!
Phoebe: Monica, Monica, you know what gets out hummus.
Phoebe: You didn't read this one either?!
Phoebe: You have chalk on your face.
[Sequence 2: Phoebe throws the ball, and its intercepted by Joey, who starts to run up field. Rachel jumps on his back in order to try and tackle him, but she doesnt slow him down. Monica and Phoebe then both grab her legs in order to stop Joey, who still manages to fight through the tackle and score the touchdown.]
Phoebe: (interrupting) No, I mean I was really acting my ass off.
PHOEBE: You guys are so pathetic, I, oh, OH, XANADU! OH.
[Scene: Madison Square Garden. Mike and Phoebe are walking to their seats.]
PHOEBE: Didn't it like totally speak to you?
Phoebe: Come on Mon, let her throw the ball.
Phoebe: No youre not, youre wondering which cushion it is.