words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are watching ET.]
Phoebe: (crying) Yeah me too.
Phoebe: Oh yknow whats sadder than this? Bambi. I cried for three days with that movie. No wait two! Because on the third day my mother killed herself so I was partly crying for that.
Phoebe: All right, whats going on there? (Points to a picture.)
Phoebe: Oh Chandler!
Phoebe: So that story doesnt make you cry?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is putting away her guitar as a man approaches.]
Phoebe: Yeah?
The Fan: Are you Phoebe Buffay?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Oh youre my biggest fan? Ive always wanted to meet you! Hi! (Shakes his hand.) Sure! Yeah! (Signs the autograph)
Phoebe: Youre just saying that because youre my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) Hes a fan. (To the fan as shes leaving) Bye! (Exits)
The Fan: I have no idea what youre talking about. But I, but I just got Phoebe Buffays autograph!
Joey: Oh, youre Phoebes fan!
The Fan: That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star.
Joey: Hey Gunther, dont let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebes a porn star!
Ross: Hey! Uh, Phoebes not here is she?
Joey: (holds up the movie) Phoebes a porn star!
Chandler: Phoebe Buffay in Buffay: The Vampire Layer.
Monica: Thats Phoebe! Where did you get that?
Rachel: Wow! I mean, I justI cant, I cant believe this. Yknow, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe whos always been somewhat of a question mark.
Joey: We cant watch that! I mean thats Phoebe!
Joey: No! Hey no! This is wrong you guys! Phoebes our friend! Well, Im not gonna watch it!
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Whats up? (Sees the TV) Oh my God! What am I doing?!!
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Phoebe: Its Phoebe! Phoebe!
Phoebe: (seeing her dress) Oh God. So-so youre making porn movies.
Phoebe: Youre making one right now!
Another Mans Voice: Lets go Phoebe!
Phoebe: And-and youre using my name!
Same Mans Voice: Phoebe, come on!
Phoebe: Look, Im talking right now! Youreyou mean her.
Phoebe: What?!
Phoebe: No!! No way! No! And stop using my name! And shame on you! (Yells into the apartment) And shame on all of you! Youre disgusting! Especially you (points to someone) with that! (Storms away.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a paper as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Phoebe: No! No! I just went to pick up Phoebe Buffays checks; there were a lot of them.
Phoebe: Um-mmm, and I wont have to go there anymore because I gave them my correct address.
Phoebe: Oh no! No! I know how to handle it.
Phoebe: Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where hes seen her before.) (To him) Youre trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, Ill give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: She sells drugs to kids. (The guard looks at the lurker.)
Phoebe: Huh?
Phoebe: Joey! Those are my maternity pants!
Phoebe: Yes! I will have the green salad, umm the house salad, and waters fine.
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: Look, why dont you just pay for it yourself?
Phoebe: Well Its a date.
Phoebe: God Joey, this is taking forever!
Phoebe: She was?
Phoebe: Yeah!
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Yeah! (She exits.)
Chandler: I am trying to open your eyes, my man! Don't you see, if you lived with Phoebe she's always gonna be there. You're gonna get home, she's there. You go to bed, she's there. You wake up and oh yes, she's there!
Phoebe: Come on Joey, dont make me feel badly about this.
Joey: is because they were friends first. Y'know? So I asked myself, "Who are my friends?" You and Phoebe, and I saw you first. So
Phoebe: Oh, I wouldnt miss this.
Phoebe: Écoutez, je vais vous dire la vérité. C'est mon petit frère. Il est un peu retardé. (Translation: Listen, I will tell you the truth. He's my little bother. He's a bit retarded.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is entering without touching anything with his hands. Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Monica: Phoebe, hes gotta be in the room for that to work.
Phoebe: There you go! (She continues to work him over with her elbows and he continues to yell in pain.)
Phoebe: (returning) Hey you guys, Hums While He Pees just asked me out!
Phoebe: Thats good. I got to admit, I thought it was something else.
Phoebe: Youre right! Youre right. Dont say it.
Phoebe: Thats really beautiful. What does it mean?
Phoebe: I do too. (They kiss.)
Phoebe: (plays with a thumbtack remover) Yeah?
Phoebe: Yeah, Ill do that. So who gets to be yours?
Phoebe: Okay, I would ring the bell to distract him and then I would knock the gun out of his hand with a Chinese throwing star.
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Monica and Phoebe sitting on the floor next to Clunkers basket.]
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe are there reading. Rachel is sitting on the couch flanked by Ross and Monica. She suddenly stops reading and starts blinking her left eye as if it's bothering her. The problem is that Joey is on her left and thinks she's winking at him and winks back. Ross is watching this and isn't quite sure of what to make of it.]
Phoebe: Will you get us better gifts?
Phoebe: The donation we made earlier, we k…, we w…, we want it back.
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
Phoebe: Hey! So Chandler, wanna go to the coffeehouse?
Phoebe: Shh! Get me out of here.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are making some sandwiches.]
Phoebe: No you cant quit college! No! Youre in college? Really?
Eric: Well, I guess Ill see you at the wedding. (Exits and Phoebe follows him into the hall.)
Phoebe: Dont interrupt me!!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey, you guys. Listen, Im sorry that I was hogging the game before(Sees the top ten list)Oh my God! Your friends have some unfortunate initials!
Phoebe: (looking up) There it is! Oh, look at that! Isnt Mother Nature amazing?
Phoebe: Yeah, swing music is so out.
Phoebe: Hes just trying to show Joey how much he means to him.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is debriefing Rachel on her rejection earlier that day and telling her what she shouldve done. Ross and Phoebe are watching.]
(Phoebe winks and licks her lips while eyeing Chandler.)
Phoebe: Yes, and then I realized I'm against that, and uh, so then we bought some, (sees Monica pointing at her chest) uh, boobs.
Chandler: Well, close to (Notices Rachel leaning in to hear and decides to write it on a piece of paper and hand it to Monica as Phoebe averts her eyes.)
Phoebe: Okay, so after this audition, who decides who gets it?
Phoebe: Oh my God! How did you get back here?!
Phoebe: Thats not mine.
Phoebe: How do you know?
(The security guard from before approaches and Phoebe tries to turn her back on him.)
Phoebe: Yeah! What have you got to lose? Yknow you might even end up with someone really special (whispers) if you pick my guy.
Phoebe: Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own.
Phoebe: Thats a good idea for a business!
Phoebe: Okay, I understand why Superman is here, but why is there a porcupine at the Easter Bunnys funeral?
Phoebe: Because my psychic is dead! She mustve read the cards wrong!
Phoebe: Yes, thank you. You see, this is how normal people are supposed to react to drums.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are doing a crossword, Monica is cooking, and Chandler is still staring at his phone.]
Phoebe: What? What happened to the window in the attic?!
Phoebe: Hey there, you handsome thing. (Rachel and Phoebe exit.)
Phoebe: (To Ross) Kyles ex-wife? You were supposed to divert her not date her!
Phoebe: Oh no! (She runs to see.) (Running back, excitedly) Oh! Wow!!!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
Phoebe: Oh, anyway, they say, if we want, we can see it tonight.
Phoebe: Oh thats right!
Phoebe: Ugh, I hate this year!
Phoebe: Umm, okay I would like to talk to you about your toner needs.
Phoebe: Oh.
Phoebe: But-but you know you cannot get involved with your assistant.
Phoebe: Although, dont feel like you cant visit.
Phoebe: May I ask why?
Phoebe: Chandler?
Phoebe: Yeah! Now, why do you want to kill yourself?
Phoebe: Weee!!! (Ross pushes her and lets go.)
Phoebe: IWe gotta get Monica. (She starts to leave.)
Chandler: Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me.
Phoebe: (excited) John Glenn is here?!
Phoebe: Oh sorry, boyfriend!
Phoebe: Yeah, hes gotta go.
Phoebe: You guys were right. Hes just too excited about everything. I mean Im all for living life, but this is the Gellers 35th anniversary. Okay? Lets call a spade a spade this party stinks.
Phoebe: Wait, what was that? That sounded like someone being nice to you.
Phoebe: No, whatever! Anything!
(Phoebe grabs each of them by an ear.) Monica and Rachel: Ow! Ow! Ow!
Phoebe: (muffled through the floor) Yeah, look I was with my friend downstairs and we hear everything up here that you do, and I am sick and tired... (I tired but the rest is unintelligible).
Phoebe: No! No! I-I meant for the baby!
Phoebe: Uh-huh, great story! I'm going!
Earl: Phoebe? The lady who sells toner?
Phoebe: Yes.
Phoebe: Umm, look it, you-you cant kill yourself.
Phoebe: No-no I cant! I cant let you do it!
Phoebe: I can smell it a little, bake the pie.
Phoebe: Sure! (Thinks.) Umm, where are you from?
Phoebe: Okay, well maybe not on those levels.
Phoebe: No, its fate!
Phoebe: No! I definitely don't wanna get married. No I just wanted to make sure you didn't want to too. Whew! Coz you know when we move in and you start changing your mind there's gonna be hell to pay mister!
Phoebe: And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up with the universe?!
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)