words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are watching ET.]
Phoebe: (crying) Yeah me too.
Phoebe: Oh yknow whats sadder than this? Bambi. I cried for three days with that movie. No wait two! Because on the third day my mother killed herself so I was partly crying for that.
Phoebe: All right, whats going on there? (Points to a picture.)
Phoebe: Oh Chandler!
Phoebe: So that story doesnt make you cry?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is putting away her guitar as a man approaches.]
Phoebe: Yeah?
The Fan: Are you Phoebe Buffay?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Oh youre my biggest fan? Ive always wanted to meet you! Hi! (Shakes his hand.) Sure! Yeah! (Signs the autograph)
Phoebe: Youre just saying that because youre my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) Hes a fan. (To the fan as shes leaving) Bye! (Exits)
The Fan: I have no idea what youre talking about. But I, but I just got Phoebe Buffays autograph!
Joey: Oh, youre Phoebes fan!
The Fan: That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star.
Joey: Hey Gunther, dont let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebes a porn star!
Ross: Hey! Uh, Phoebes not here is she?
Joey: (holds up the movie) Phoebes a porn star!
Chandler: Phoebe Buffay in Buffay: The Vampire Layer.
Monica: Thats Phoebe! Where did you get that?
Rachel: Wow! I mean, I justI cant, I cant believe this. Yknow, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe whos always been somewhat of a question mark.
Joey: We cant watch that! I mean thats Phoebe!
Joey: No! Hey no! This is wrong you guys! Phoebes our friend! Well, Im not gonna watch it!
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Whats up? (Sees the TV) Oh my God! What am I doing?!!
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Phoebe: Its Phoebe! Phoebe!
Phoebe: (seeing her dress) Oh God. So-so youre making porn movies.
Phoebe: Youre making one right now!
Another Mans Voice: Lets go Phoebe!
Phoebe: And-and youre using my name!
Same Mans Voice: Phoebe, come on!
Phoebe: Look, Im talking right now! Youreyou mean her.
Phoebe: What?!
Phoebe: No!! No way! No! And stop using my name! And shame on you! (Yells into the apartment) And shame on all of you! Youre disgusting! Especially you (points to someone) with that! (Storms away.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a paper as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Phoebe: No! No! I just went to pick up Phoebe Buffays checks; there were a lot of them.
Phoebe: Um-mmm, and I wont have to go there anymore because I gave them my correct address.
Phoebe: Oh no! No! I know how to handle it.
Phoebe: Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where hes seen her before.) (To him) Youre trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, Ill give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?
Phoebe: No. Im just, I wanna, I need to be alone.
Phoebe: (in a nasally voice, from her cold) But I'm unemployed, my music is all I really have now. Well music, and making my own shoes. (She puts her shoe on the table, and it's horribly decorated) Pretty, huh? (Sneezes)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's balcony, Ross and Phoebe are grilling some burgers and hot dogs.]
Phoebe: Oh my god! Shouldn't we stop this?
Phoebe: No. Ive learned my lesson.
Phoebe: So, how does Mona feel about you and Rachel living together?
Phoebe: You gonna tell her?
Phoebe: Broke them all, huh?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen chopping vegetables. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting in the living room.]
Phoebe: Ooh, Joey, thats actually a really good idea!
Sergei: (singing) Touchet, touchet, Miss Americccan pie. (stops to correct Phoebe) Ameri-ccan.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting on the couch as Phoebe enters.]
PHOEBE: Hi
RACHEL: This is Joey, and Phoebe, and this is Chandler, and you remember Ross.
(Phoebe and Mike enter.)
ROSS: Okay.� (They sit.)� So, um, Phoebe tells me you, ah, you play piano.
ROSS: Um . . . ah . . . you know, I'm divorced.� Um, Phoebe, ah . . . Phoebe said you . . . You've been divorced?
Phoebe: Thankfully you dont need me at all (gets up and to leave) so Okay Super aunt see you later! Rachel lets give it six to eight months (she leaves).
PHOEBE: I hope you were using protection.
RACHEL: Oh.� (to Phoebe) Should we send them something back?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are there. Monica is suggesting Mockolate recipes to Phoebe.]
PHOEBE: So?� What if they do?
[Scene: The bar.� Two men are chatting with Rachel and Phoebe.]
Phoebe: That wouldn't stand in the way of a true pianist.
Phoebe: But great news about the apartment pants, huh?
Phoebe: I feel really strongly about this, Rachel. Please, don't use this gift certificate. I'm asking you as a friend.
PHOEBE: Yeah. . . I'm sorry.� We weren't really looking for anything to happen with you guys.� I, I have a boyfriend.
Phoebe: Eh, Monica it, it feels so weird, y'know, Chandlers your friend... (hops onto the bed) Oh! Oh my God! Aw, all right take this bed, you can make other friends.
PHOEBE: What about Ross?� What about your moment?� Don't you want to talk to Ross about it?
PHOEBE: (pointing) Better!
Phoebe: Oh! Its okay, you calm down after a while and then people can see how really sweet and wonderful you really are.
PHOEBE: Really?� You're moving on from Ross?
PHOEBE: Well, you have to go back in.
PHOEBE: (to Rachel) He says he can't do that.
Phoebe: Well, if she isn't then cremating her was a big mistake.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there as Rachel enters.]
Phoebe: Well its just like youre trying too hard. Always making jokes, yknow, you justYou come off a little needy.
Ross: (taking the flyer) Apparently Phoebes mother also goes by the name Julio.
PHOEBE: Oh.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Rachel and Phoebe enter.)
PHOEBE: (pause) Well, good bye.
PHOEBE: I know.� That was fun.� (She and Mike exit.)
Chandler: The weirdest thing happened at the coffee house, I think, I think Phoebe was hitting on me.
Ross: Phoebe, you cant get out of this! Okay? You have to learn how to ride a bike!
Phoebe: A little mirror that when you look into it you see yourself as an old woman.
[Tag Scene: Central Perk.� Phoebe and Mike are on the sofa.� Ross enters.]
Phoebe: (smiling) Uh-huh.
Phoebe: Oh, I like my job.
Phoebe: Wait-wait-wait-wait! So, explain something to me though, if, if nobody tagged Rachel, then isnt the play still going.
Phoebe: So here is a, a very special holiday song that I wrote for some very important people to me. (singing:)
Phoebe: Well then, you should look with us.
Phoebe: Oh no, we have to!
Phoebe: Ooh, who's it for?
PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, did you ask Stacy Roth?
(Phoebe looks under the couch)
(Phoebe is outside, taking her cell phone out of her bag and making a call. Joey is inside, and his mobile phone starts ringing).
Phoebe: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are there as Ross enters with Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Because you are so afraid of commitment! You talk to him, make him scared like you! Make him a man!
Others: (simultaneously) Merry Christmas! (except for Phoebe...)
Phoebe: Come on, you guys, you have nothing to lose, I have everything to lose. Do you want me to lose everything? Everything?!
[Scene: Monicas Restaurant Kitchen, shes cooking as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: We cant find Chandler (Phoebe sticks her head and motions that they found Chandler)s vest. We cant find Chandlers vest.
Phoebe: All right, Im gonna close my eyes and point to someone, and you, whoever I point has to come up with something fun for us to do, and we have to do it.
Phoebe: All right, all right, well just do our best. Okay? So lets say Im the interviewer and Im meeting you for the first time. Okay. "Hi! Come on in, Im uh, Regina Philange."
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe walks up to and knocks on Chandler and Monicas door.]
Phoebe: Yeah, yknow what I noticed Rachel? He scares easy. Is that the kind of guy youd like to take to a ball? "Hey Sebastian, would you like to dance?" (Imitates him.) "Uhh, okayI gotta go!"
Phoebe: Aren't we done with that?
Phoebe: I’m guessing she does.
Phoebe: Well, Im returning a call from a certain mom at the B-E-A-C-H. I just spelled the wrong word. (goes into Monicas room)
Phoebe: Now give me my real gift.
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Thank you.
Monica: Chandler, please dont think I was trying to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: Its me. Its Phoebe. Listen theres something in here I want to eat, what-what smells so good?
Phoebe: Hey Mike, what's the capital of Peru?
Phoebe: Yeah. Youre just gonna knock on his door and change his life forever. Youre like Ed McMahon except without the big check, or the raw sexual magnetism.
Phoebe: What are those?
PHOEBE: I know, yeah. Ok, talk to him. [leaves]
Phoebe: What are you doing?
Phoebe: I don't know, I kinda like Bob for a girl.
Phoebe: To kill Bob??
[Scene: Erics Apartment, hes opening the door to reveal Phoebe.]
[Scene: Phoebe's place, Phoebe and Mike are there]
Phoebe: Hey Mikey
Phoebe: Suzie? (Runs over there to check)
PHOEBE: [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Everybody.
Phoebe: Oh my god, we killed Bob!
Monica: Okay, while were waiting for these pills to kick in, Im gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. (Phoebe gets up and goes with her.) Get some nice soft pillows under your head, Im gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And ImSit down(She sits down on the couch)gonna make you some tea. And then, Im gonna rub your feet.
Phoebe: It's okay. Go ahead, ask me out.
Phoebe: Could you-could you umm, give us one second?
Phoebe: No that's just me coughing! (Doing some weird coughing noises and the dog barks again. Phoebe comes out of the room.) Oh, good, there you are! Listen, um, I have a dog in my room.
(Phoebe knocks on the door with the wine and Chandler answers it. Rachel hides next to the door.)
Phoebe: No! Seven rats! I think we should take them home, we need feed them.
Phoebe: No, but it sounds like it was fricken funny...
[Scene: A Mexican Restaurant, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and his mom are there.]
Phoebe: No, Im-Im not sure about Hulk, but I like the idea of a name starting with "The."
Phoebe: Mate? They're all brothers and sisters.
[Scene: Phoebe's place, Phoebe and Mike enter]
Rachel: What Phoebe? Wait! One time he caught me smoking he said if he ever saw me doing that again hed make me eat the entire pack.