words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are watching ET.]
Phoebe: (crying) Yeah me too.
Phoebe: Oh yknow whats sadder than this? Bambi. I cried for three days with that movie. No wait two! Because on the third day my mother killed herself so I was partly crying for that.
Phoebe: All right, whats going on there? (Points to a picture.)
Phoebe: Oh Chandler!
Phoebe: So that story doesnt make you cry?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is putting away her guitar as a man approaches.]
Phoebe: Yeah?
The Fan: Are you Phoebe Buffay?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Oh youre my biggest fan? Ive always wanted to meet you! Hi! (Shakes his hand.) Sure! Yeah! (Signs the autograph)
Phoebe: Youre just saying that because youre my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) Hes a fan. (To the fan as shes leaving) Bye! (Exits)
The Fan: I have no idea what youre talking about. But I, but I just got Phoebe Buffays autograph!
Joey: Oh, youre Phoebes fan!
The Fan: That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star.
Joey: Hey Gunther, dont let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebes a porn star!
Ross: Hey! Uh, Phoebes not here is she?
Joey: (holds up the movie) Phoebes a porn star!
Chandler: Phoebe Buffay in Buffay: The Vampire Layer.
Monica: Thats Phoebe! Where did you get that?
Rachel: Wow! I mean, I justI cant, I cant believe this. Yknow, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe whos always been somewhat of a question mark.
Joey: We cant watch that! I mean thats Phoebe!
Joey: No! Hey no! This is wrong you guys! Phoebes our friend! Well, Im not gonna watch it!
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Whats up? (Sees the TV) Oh my God! What am I doing?!!
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Phoebe: Its Phoebe! Phoebe!
Phoebe: (seeing her dress) Oh God. So-so youre making porn movies.
Phoebe: Youre making one right now!
Another Mans Voice: Lets go Phoebe!
Phoebe: And-and youre using my name!
Same Mans Voice: Phoebe, come on!
Phoebe: Look, Im talking right now! Youreyou mean her.
Phoebe: What?!
Phoebe: No!! No way! No! And stop using my name! And shame on you! (Yells into the apartment) And shame on all of you! Youre disgusting! Especially you (points to someone) with that! (Storms away.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a paper as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Phoebe: No! No! I just went to pick up Phoebe Buffays checks; there were a lot of them.
Phoebe: Um-mmm, and I wont have to go there anymore because I gave them my correct address.
Phoebe: Oh no! No! I know how to handle it.
Phoebe: Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where hes seen her before.) (To him) Youre trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, Ill give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: I just asked you.
PHOEBE: The voice woman. Ya know, I mean, she has a great voice but she doesn't have a video.
Phoebe: Yes.
Phoebe: Oh this is so ho-o-ot!
Phoebe: Destiny.
Phoebe: So, what happens to the old guys?
Phoebe: I never had a bike of my own.
Phoebe: Yeah, I wouldve except I had a big spaghetti stain on the other side.
Phoebe: Chandler what are you doing?!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there; Phoebe recites the last verse of a poem to Joey. This poem is known as "The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore, but it seems that it's rather "Account of a visit from St. Nicholas" by Henry Livingston.]
Phoebe: Its not like we-we know each other or anything. Or that have anything in common.
Phoebe: Yeah, after this, I think he'll be doing that himself.
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Phoebe: Why would you start again after chewing all that quitting gum?
PHOEBE: Oh, it's like a skit.
Phoebe: Whoa!! He is soo unreasonable! God, although I think I understand what he means. Oh my God, this is like 60 Minutes, okay, when, when, at first youre really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug and then y'know you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow.
Phoebe: Gnight, bro.
Phoebe: Rach, Rach, I just remembered. I had a dream about Mr. Geller last night.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross are there.]
Phoebe: Oh! Oh my God!
Phoebe: This is the worst Christmas ever.
Phoebe: You saved them! You guys! Oh God, youre the best!
Phoebe: Wow, ooh, you're gonna be making money hand over fist!
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, Frank. I counted them when they were coming out of my area.
Precious: Phoebe? Mike's ex-girlfriend Phoebe, the love of his life? That Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yeah! You know all those yummy noises? I wasn't faking.
(Phoebe exits)
(We hear Phoebe knock at the door upstairs, and the guy answer it.)
Phoebe: Him? Him, Ross?
ROSS: Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity.
(Monicas entrance makes Phoebe try to hide the ring by putting it in her mouth.)
Phoebe: Y'know, there's gonna be lots of other stuff.
Phoebe: Well, youre just gonna have to try.
Gunther: (to Monica and Phoebe) Hey guys.
Phoebe: No idea! I though he was soft like you!
Phoebe: Well, hes very charming.
PHOEBE: [handing him the papers] Here you go. You know what, I just have one more question, um, if you had figured this out sooner and um, I had been around, do you think that I would have been the one who. . . no, um, I'm sorry, don't tell me, I don't th ink either answer would make me feel better.
Phoebe: Oh my God! I dont believe it! Oh, you poor bunny.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel and Phoebe are having dinner with Dr. Green, and everyone is looking at the menu.]
Phoebe: Wow. Okay, I dont know how to talk to you.
Joey: Are you kiddin? Phoebe lived on the street. Okay? Plus, shes got this crazy temper. SheShes not standing right behind me is she?
Phoebe: Why, what happened?
Phoebe: Wow! And Im a vegetarian! All right, all right, well Im sorry, well put some ice on it.
Phoebe Sr: Youre Erwins daughter?!
Phoebe: (quietly) Sells drugs to kids.
Phoebe: Yes, and now hes using this three divorces reason because he wants to stay married to her because he loves her. I must say, "Well done!" Bravo Meg.
Phoebe: A-Allright, well... I'll call the cab company.
Phoebe: Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Rachel knows?
Phoebe: I can't ask him! Do you have any idea how inappropriate that would be?! All I'm saying is just talk to Frank. Okay? Just, y'know, feel him out!
(Monica and Rachel look at Phoebe strangely.)
Phoebe: Yeah! Ooh, you should come with me! Oh yeah, then I'd have someone to sit with!
Phoebe: Oh well y'know. (laughs)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are entering after the play. Phoebe and Joey are already there.]
Monica: So ah, Phoebe, how was your date?
Phoebe: Thanks you guys! Thank you.
Phoebe: Wait. Really?! Cause mine get me out of tickets.
Phoebe: Ugh, okay, I have an enormous crush on you. But because youre a client, I cant ask you out, even though you give me yknow, the feeling.
Phoebe: Is it Ross? Its Ross isnt itOh my God, its Joey!
Phoebe: Yeah, y'know, people can be so self-involved.
Phoebe: Ooh! Brian's Song!
Phoebe: Your welcome, oh please not the one with the turtles.
Phoebe: No, not the used wax.
PHOEBE: I know, I know. [to Rob] Hello.
Phoebe: Oh my God, it's all so elegant! When's the dirty stuff starting?
PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
Phoebe: I know, I know, we can drive, we can vote, we can work, what more do these broads want?
Phoebe: You make up songs?
Phoebe: Oh yeah.
Phoebe: (to Mischa) Okay, y'know what, you dont have to do that now. (Mischa translates that to Sergei) No-no-no-no!! Not him, you dont! (Mischa tells Sergei he can proceed and steps away) Well the moments over.
PHOEBE: I, I, I'm hideous.
Phoebe: Oh, it's your audition from this morning. Can I use the phone again?
Phoebe: Well, thats not something a girl wants to hear.
Phoebe: How about just the bridemaids?
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
PHOEBE: I'm not gonna. But you know what's cool though? Ok, if you had a friend named Pete, then I could say, 'Oh yeah, I know Pete, he's friends with my brother.'
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: What are you wrapping?
PHOEBE: Come on, like you never talk that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting at the couch. Ross is sitting at the table and answers the phone.]
Phoebe: Yeah, it's a vase.
Phoebe: No. No food with a face.
PHOEBE: Ohh. . .K. How come?
Phoebe: Wait a second, or maybe you can go in first.
Phoebe: I have to go scream into a pillow. (Goes to scream into a pillow)
Phoebe: Yeah we thought it would be nice to use the fancy china for dessert too.
Phoebe: She wasnt a hooker.
Phoebe: No, nothing like that. I was just...such a dummie. I taught this "massage-yourself-at-home-workshop." And they are.
Phoebe: Oh, theres no such thing as an innocent burger.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are setting up for the party.]
Phoebe: The exclamation point in the title scares me. (Gesturing) Y'know, it's not just Freud, it's Freud!
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. There's a knock on the door, and Phoebe opens it.]
Phoebe: No, no, its just my tooth.
PHOEBE: Oh, you are so much the smitten kitten. You should ask him out.
Phoebe: Well, I have ah, vodka and cranberry juice.
Phoebe: Oh this, well Im glad you asked. (She opens the case and removes a knife and an soda can.) Now, dont you hate it when you have to cut a tin can with an ordinary steak knife? (She efficiently cuts it in half.) Ahh! Now, I know what youre thinking
Phoebe: Um, Chandler, Ross, this is Robert.
Phoebe: Ill have coffee.
Phoebe: As a masseuse and a human, I'm begging you, never do that to anyone!
Tim: I I-I dont know, but I would say its pretty good-o. (Phoebe laughs too hard.)