words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is getting a cup of coffee as Joey and Phoebe enter and sit down.]
Phoebe: Oh! Hey, Rach!
Phoebe: Oh, you, too.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: (sighs) Honey, I wish you would get over her. I hate seeing you like this. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want to look down my top?
Phoebe: Oh, Gunther, can I get a scone?
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Phoebe and Ross are sitting in the living room talking.]
Phoebe: So, how does Mona feel about you and Rachel living together?
Phoebe: Ugh. Come on, Mona, dont kiss ass.
Phoebe: All right. Oh! Shoot! Oh shoot! Uh, Rachel wanted to see this tape!
Phoebe: Its a video of my friend giving birth. Could you just bring it back to your apartment?
Phoebe: Yeah. Candys the mother, Cookies the daughter. The fathers also Cookie. Why am I friends with these people?
Monica: (entering with something behind her back) Phoebe, cmere. I want to show you something in the bathroom.
Phoebe: Oh, Monica, grow up!
Monica: Nothing. Just something I want to get Phoebes opinion on for Valentines Day.
Phoebe: (knocking and entering) Hey. Look, I know youve been really depressed lately, so I brought someone over to cheer you up. Right outside this door is a real, live, furry playmate.
(Phoebe goes into the hall and brings a dog inside!)
Phoebe: He-hee!
Phoebe: This is the happiest dog in the world. I borrowed him from my friend Wendy. Now, you can only keep him until he cheers you up. And he will cheer you up!
Joey: Oh, thats, uh, thats Phoebes friends dog. I dont know what his real name is, but I call him Mozzarella.
Monica: Is this the video of the baby being born? Sweetie, this is Phoebes. Why were you even watching it?
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: How could you not tell Mona that Rachel is living with you?
Phoebe: Taffy, really? Ive never had any.
Phoebe: Well, I think my mother was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats. (Ross hands her one) Thank you! So what, youre just never going to tell her?
Phoebe: If I havent said it before: shes a lucky, lucky lady! So, where are you going towhat the mother of crap is up with this stuff? (Referring to the taffy, which shes been chewing this whole time.) Oh, God. Is it gum, is it food? Whats the deal? (she swallows it, finally) Oh, its nice! May I try a pink one?
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Hey, buddy. Hows my favorite dog, huh? Hows my favorite dog? (the dog doesnt move) Youre subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer?
Phoebe: Will you excuse us, we need to talk for a moment.
(Joey follows Phoebe into the kitchen)
Phoebe: Hes miserable! What happened to him?
Phoebe: What stuff?
Phoebe: Oh Joey, you bummed him out! This was the happiest dog in the world, and he spends half a day with you, and look at him!
Phoebe: Okay, Im going to take him back to Wendys.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is teaching Leslie how to sing Smelly Cat.]
Phoebe: Yes... I'm sorry, I've never met a boyfriends parents before...
Phoebe: All right, that's it, I quit.
Phoebe: Well not exactly like the one in the poem.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there. Monica is holding a piece of paper.]
Phoebe: Yeah, um, which ones in particular were great for you?
Phoebe: Okay, obviously you dont know much about the U.S. government.
Phoebe: Theyre at the coffeehouse.
(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)
Phoebe: Whered you get too? We lost you after you opened up all the presents.
Phoebe: All right. All right! If he wants a date? He's gonna get a date. All right, I'm gonna go in.
Phoebe: All right. Did everyone get out okay?
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Ross: No Phoebe, dont look! You dont want to see whats under there!!
PHOEBE: I'd call that excessive.
Phoebe: Ok, this is not about the MONEY, ok? It's about... it's about corporate greed destroying our hearts and leaving us... the hollow shells.
Phoebe: Well if we make it yesterday, woo-hoo! Were done!
Phoebe: Oh my God, are you guys okay?
Phoebe: Oh my God, they took my idea!
Monica: Id like to have Don and Phoebe over. Wouldnt that be nice?
Phoebe: Okay, you said I could sing at your wedding so, Im just gonna need a small deposit.
Phoebe: Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her head? She said that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a cleansing ritual.
Phoebe: So, I decided Im definitely going to go with either Joey or Chandler.
PHOEBE: Right. My name was on there, but now it just says "carrot cake". So, um, so um, how many chords do you know?
Phoebe: So how are things going with Paul?
PHOEBE: Ok Rachel, make a special flan wish.
Phoebe: Well, maybe its so big because the house was built on radioactive waste.
Jasmine: But you should probably talk to my roommate, because I told him and he knows Phoebe too.
Phoebe: Hi! Wish me luck!
PHOEBE: I know you're just moving uptown but I'm really gonna miss you.
Phoebe: Uh huh. But they're not your friends anymore.
Phoebe: Well, this doesnt have to be so sad though. Yknow? Maybe instead of just thinking about how much youre gonna miss each other, you should like think of the things youre not gonna miss.
Phoebe: Wait, am I missing something though? Cause I thought death was something thats supposed to be sad, in a way.
Rachel: Oh Phoebe, I'm so happy for you honey. (she gives her a kiss)
Joey: Why? Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe?
Phoebe: You'd better get back in that kitchen Monica, the garlic is not gonna overuse itself.
Phoebe: Yeah, umm thats Whitney (Points), Kyles ex-wife out there, now do you think that you can yknow divert her so that we can slip out?
Phoebe: Look, I can't have a wedding with this money now. It's tainted.
Monica: All right Rachel, you sweep behind, Ill pitch it to you, you throw it down field to Phoebe. All right. Break.
Monica: I'm sorry, my friend Phoebe...
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: All right, so let's switch.
Phoebe: (entering from her room) Hey, did she buy it?
Phoebe: Ooh, I have to tell you something.
Phoebe: But I cant tell you.
Phoebe: No.
Phoebe: No.
PHOEBE: Huuh.
PHOEBE: Monica, how did this happen? I thought you had this all planned out.
Monica: Phoebe, you have to lift it and point.
[Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is trying to relax her.]
Phoebe: I cant!! I cant!! (She dies.) Noooooooo!!!!!!! You son of a bitch!!!!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is recapping last season, and as she talks we see a montague of scenes from Ross and Rachel.]
Phoebe: No.
Phoebe: No.
Phoebe: I cant!!
Phoebe: Y'know what? We thought you were different. But I guess it was just the coma.
Phoebe: Oh my god! Where are you? (Looks around.)
Monica: Y'know what, dont tell us. Well just wait until Chandler gets home, (to Phoebe) because itll be more fun that way.
Phoebe: Okay, yeah. (to Monica and Rachel) Triple A can pick us up.
Phoebe: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. (Monica gestures at Phoebe to shut up; Joey looks surprised but pleased) Looks like I was second to last.
JOEY: Hey. [Phoebe takes off, Joey and Chandler are thrown back in the seat]
Monica: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Thanks!
Phoebe: No.
Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were fighting.
(Phoebe starts to hang up the phone, but )
Phoebe: I know it's so exciting! You know I've never lived with a guy before.
Ross: (on phone) Okay, Andr� should be there in like 45 minutes. All rightie, bye bye. (to Phoebe) Just easier that way.
Phoebe: Hello. Oh good. Ross could you put up some of these flyers for me? (He smiles at her.) OH!! Demon!! Demon!!
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] In my day, divorce was not an option.
Phoebe: (covering her mouth in shock) What, what is that?
Phoebe: I know, I know. So sweet... and so complicated. And for a shrink, he's not too shrinky, y'know?
Phoebe: Ive never been more convinced of your love for her.
Monica: Phoebe, wait a minute! (runs after her, leaving Rachel alone)
Phoebe: Oh, is the play over?
Phoebe: Cute naked guy is really starting to put on weight.
Phoebe: All right well, we're just gonna have to tell Monica, that's all.
Phoebe: Would you relax? I know what I am doing. This is how he wears it.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are being lectured by Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Oh my god, Frank, are you thinking of leaving? Because I didn't have those triplets so you could just run out on them!
Phoebe: I do, I believe you.
Phoebe: Hummus. I got the hummus.
Phoebe: Maybe, maybe I'll dance for you. (She starts doing a rather suggestive and seductive dance that's silly at the same time.)
Monica: Phoebe, its been two days.
Phoebe: Oh, I have dinner plans with Joey. We get together about once a month to discuss the rest of you guys.
[Scene: Howard's party, Phoebe is talking Ross up to two more partygoers. Ross isn't happy about it.]
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
Phoebe: Oh, Jason? Yeah, uh-huh, we're seeing each other tonight.
Phoebe: Wow! I cannot believe Mark asked you out.
Phoebe: I know, but that creep that I went on that date with goes to there so I have to find a new one. I also have to find a new video store, a new bank, a new adult bookstore, a new grocery store
Gary: Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?
Chandler: Bye. (Finally closes the door on her.) (After its closed) I cant stand the woman! (Phoebe is shocked, Joey is relieved.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is in the kitchen as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: (stopping him) No! No!
Monica: Phoebe, relax none of that stuff ever happens! They just put it on there for legal reasons!
Phoebe: (disgusted) Uh.
Phoebe: Yeah.