words in movies
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Chandler: Its Phoebe! Hi!
(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shops signa large steaming cup of coffee.)
Joey: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um, Liam Neeson.
Phoebe: Morly Safer.
Phoebe: The woman who cuts my hair!
Phoebe: (Her face dropping) Oh, really.
Phoebe: Rifts. Yeah, I know.
Phoebe: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat?
Phoebe: (Turning to Chandler) where were you standing?
Phoebe: Its mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
Phoebe: (Jumping up) Yeah?
Phoebe: Why? Why would you wanna... do that? Why?
Phoebe: Well, I mean, Im not my sisters, you know, whatever, and um... I mean, its true, we were one egg, once, but err, you know, weve grown apart, so, um... I dont know, why not? Okay.
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Phoebe: Yeah Im fine.
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving coffee to Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Phoebe: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.
(Jamie notices Phoebe sitting at the counter.)
(Phoebe walks by, ignoring the two strangers.)
Phoebe: Yeah?
Phoebe: (Smiling blankly) Right, and its me.
Phoebe: Much as you are.
Phoebe: (Philosophically) Oh, thats good.
Phoebe: Good choice.
(Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women wont see the face she pulls, and sits down.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.]
(Phoebe uses the remote to stop the Spanish by turning off the television.)
(The wool-bound trio returns to the table. Rachel has to rush ahead to avoid becoming tangled. Joey brings the shopping bag over to Phoebe, and takes out a nice cardigan.)
Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.
Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really...
Phoebe: Ohhh... Sure, yeah... (disgustedly dropping the cardigan back into the bag) ..okay, it fits.
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!
Joey: Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay.
Phoebe: Alright, well, maybe now its not okay.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Wherere you going?
Phoebe: With?
Phoebe: Alright, could I just ask you one question?
Phoebe: Have you two, you know... like... you know... you know... yet?
(Phoebe buttons her lip, while the rest of the gang pretend theyre not there.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Phoebe: Alright, so, can we turn this off? Can we just make it... make them go away? Because I cant, I cant watch.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its...
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Phoebe: Well, but thats what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then he wouldnt even talk to me any more. Because he said he didnt wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us.
Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...
Phoebe: Yeah. Okay.
Phoebe: But hes falling in love with her.
Phoebe: Okay... Okay.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, oh.
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeys shirts.)
(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)
Phoebe: Listen, I think I've left something here.
Phoebe: (realizes) Ooh, maybe that's him!
Phoebe: Well it depends.
Phoebe: I'm a woman!
Phoebe: Wow! Talking about high maintenance
Phoebe: While drinking...
Phoebe: Oh my god.
Phoebe: Well yes Rachel but you got something so beautiful out there
[Scene: The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe have their tickets and start looking at the screens in order to find the gate.]
Phoebe: Yeah. Oh! It'll be like I have a wife in the fifties!
PHOEBE: (spotting Rachel's dress) Oooh.� Girl's night out indeed.
Phoebe: (shocked) Oh, well, it's a shame that you-that you miss the movie 'cause we were gonna see, you know, either "Liar, Liar" or "Betrayal", or... "An Affair To Remember".
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are there as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: OK, fine, if it means that much to you I'll get rid of Bob.
Phoebe: (without moving her lips, wearing a fake smile) Okay, I will. (to Rita) This is my husband Crap Bag.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is trying to move off of the couch as Rachel enters.]
(Mike kisses Phoebe)
Phoebe: Hi hi...Oh you have got to sing.
Phoebe: All the time when you're cooking.
Phoebe: Can you totally see through her shirt ?
Ross: (seeing Phoebe still with cat) You didnt tell her?! (They all kinda shy away.) Okay, fine! Pheebs?
Phoebe: I'm... I'm just... I'm the worst person ever. How can I not tell David that I'm seeing Mike?
Phoebe: Every little bit of you!
Phoebe: Yes, she gives the people what they want.
Phoebe: Well thats no way to sell newspapers. Why dont you try, "Extra! Extra! Read all about it!"
Hitchhiker: All right, see ya Pheebs. (Gets out and Phoebe drives away.)
Chandler: Say Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?
Phoebe: Hey.
Phoebe: What you got?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: No, no-no, she was a human lady. This is the spirit of my Mom Lily, the one who killed herself.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's class; the class has ended and Phoebe is talking to one of her classmates.]
Rachel: Well, Phoebe set me up on a date.
Phoebe: Ooh, Joey.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah.
Phoebe: A teacher?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Joey.
Phoebe: So now what do we do?
Phoebe: How do you even know a woman like that?
Phoebe: Good. (Phoebe and Mrs. Burkart go into the other room, leaving Monica with everyone staring at her.)
Chandler: Phoebe, did you see that?! He totally checked you out! He is so cute! (Looking at his tea.) Mine has a picture of The Village People, what does that mean?
Phoebe: No! No! I just went to pick up Phoebe Buffays checks; there were a lot of them.
[Scene: Outside Room 816, Phoebe and Joey are approaching.]
Phoebe: You must be a fireball in bed.
Phoebe: oh umm Mike's picking me up for a date.
Eric: Im not smart. (Phoebe has no comeback.) I just wanted so much to be impulsive once. To be romantic.
Phoebe: Are you kidding? People acting like animals to music. Come on!
Phoebe: Hey, Rach!
Phoebe: Hello?
Phoebe: My dear, sweet Rach.
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Chandlers knees. Chandlers ankles. Chandlers ankle hair. (notices the clock) Oh no. (to Rick) Okay, youre all set.
Phoebe: (To Joey) How could you pick up a hitchhiker?! He could be a rape(She holds her hand in front of the hitchhikers face), a rapist or a killer or something!
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank is melting a plastic spoon.]
Rachel: Of course I packed! Monica relax! I just wanted to ask Phoebe her opinion on what I should wear tonight.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are returning from class.]
Phoebe: Yeah That does sound great. I'm going to get the phone. (They both get up.)
Phoebe: Don't, don't do the plan-laugh.
(Phoebe sees Rachel and Ross through the window.)
Phoebe: Mexico!
Phoebe: Oh, they see us! Oh, they, they look mad. Oh, they figured it out. They're coming this way. Run!
Phoebe: (walking up) Whats up? (Rachel hands her the note and she reads it.) Tell Monica Im sorry. (Pause) Tell her yourself!
Rachel: No! You gotta get me out of here Phoebe! These bargain shoppers are crazy!
Phoebe: Yeah, what is that? Like, some kind of guy thing? Like, some kind of sexist guy thing? Like it's poker, so only guys can play?
Joey: Now he's movin'? Man, what is Emily doing to him? (Phoebe pinches him again.) Ow!! He's not even here!!!
Phoebe: Right. (Pause) Or you might get everything youve wanted since you were fifteen.
Phoebe: Why??
Phoebe: I want you to stay.
Phoebe: I'll miss you.
Phoebe: Great! Ok...I'll go get the tube top.
Phoebe: (simultaneously) Holy mother of God!!!
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
Phoebe: Okay! Okay! (Puts it out and comes out of the bathroom.) Im so glad youre here.
Phoebe: Hey you guys! Ok, we've got great news.
Mike: Phoebe and I are moving in together.
Phoebe: Uh huh...we're playing you two.
Phoebe: Hmmm... No, no... No, I can't do this. It's bad.
Phoebe: Yeah! You bet roomy!
Phoebe: China patterns!!!!!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Phoebe and Ross are sitting in the living room talking.]
Phoebe: What do you mean?
Mike: Look. Phoebe, I-I love you. Very much. But I never want to get married again.
Phoebe: Oh. Wow.
Phoebe: I think it's just y'know that I haven't been with a guy in so long and how sometimes you're looking for something and you just dont even see that it's right there in front of you sipping coffeeOh no, have I said to much? Well it's just something to think about. I know I will.
Phoebe: But it's just...
(We hear Phoebes muffled voice through the ceiling.)
Phoebe: Oh!
Phoebe: No! No, her cab! She probably won't be using it; you can drive it to Las Vegas.
Phoebe: Yeah I get that.
Phoebe: Unless! Unless umm, okay I-I would be willing to go to the concert, umm, all the while thinking about the children of course.
Phoebe: Hi
[Scene:Ross's apartment. Phoebe is at the door.]
Phoebe: Never.
[Scene: Phoebes hospital room, Joey and Ross enter as Phoebe comes out of the bathroom wearing her robe.]
Phoebe: Mike doesn't ever wanna get married.
Phoebe: That's not how you really feel is it?
Phoebe: I do love Mike.
Phoebe: Okay, bye-bye! (Pushes Chandler out the door.) Good trip! (Slams the door)
Phoebe: It's not cooler.
Phoebe: Yeah I guess you're right. Yeah thanks. This helped. Thanks.