words in movies
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Chandler: Its Phoebe! Hi!
(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shops signa large steaming cup of coffee.)
Joey: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um, Liam Neeson.
Phoebe: Morly Safer.
Phoebe: The woman who cuts my hair!
Phoebe: (Her face dropping) Oh, really.
Phoebe: Rifts. Yeah, I know.
Phoebe: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat?
Phoebe: (Turning to Chandler) where were you standing?
Phoebe: Its mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
Phoebe: (Jumping up) Yeah?
Phoebe: Why? Why would you wanna... do that? Why?
Phoebe: Well, I mean, Im not my sisters, you know, whatever, and um... I mean, its true, we were one egg, once, but err, you know, weve grown apart, so, um... I dont know, why not? Okay.
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Phoebe: Yeah Im fine.
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving coffee to Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Phoebe: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.
(Jamie notices Phoebe sitting at the counter.)
(Phoebe walks by, ignoring the two strangers.)
Phoebe: Yeah?
Phoebe: (Smiling blankly) Right, and its me.
Phoebe: Much as you are.
Phoebe: (Philosophically) Oh, thats good.
Phoebe: Good choice.
(Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women wont see the face she pulls, and sits down.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.]
(Phoebe uses the remote to stop the Spanish by turning off the television.)
(The wool-bound trio returns to the table. Rachel has to rush ahead to avoid becoming tangled. Joey brings the shopping bag over to Phoebe, and takes out a nice cardigan.)
Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.
Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really...
Phoebe: Ohhh... Sure, yeah... (disgustedly dropping the cardigan back into the bag) ..okay, it fits.
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!
Joey: Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay.
Phoebe: Alright, well, maybe now its not okay.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Wherere you going?
Phoebe: With?
Phoebe: Alright, could I just ask you one question?
Phoebe: Have you two, you know... like... you know... you know... yet?
(Phoebe buttons her lip, while the rest of the gang pretend theyre not there.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Phoebe: Alright, so, can we turn this off? Can we just make it... make them go away? Because I cant, I cant watch.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its...
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Phoebe: Well, but thats what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then he wouldnt even talk to me any more. Because he said he didnt wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us.
Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...
Phoebe: Yeah. Okay.
Phoebe: But hes falling in love with her.
Phoebe: Okay... Okay.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, oh.
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeys shirts.)
(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)
Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Hi!
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Listen umm, yeah okay, I need to talk to you!
Phoebe: David's like, y'know, Scientist Guy. He's very methodical.
[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.]
The Fan: That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star.
Phoebe: What make you think I can?! (Shields her eyes from it.)
Phoebe, Joey, and Ross: 'My scones.'
Monica: Phoebe, what, what happened here?!
(They leave on the tour and Rachel goes to follow them but Phoebe stops her and drags her into the kitchen.)
Phoebe: Are there anymore from the good batch? Cause we could just work off of those.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Oh yeah?
Phoebe: Have you seen your guys body?
Phoebe: Cause thats just your taste.
Phoebe: Oh, Chandler funny?
Phoebe: I know. (Laughs.)
Phoebe: My guy is well read.
PHOEBE: Ok, ok, she's taking the trash out so I can get you out of here but it has to be now, she'll be back any minute.
Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.
PHOEBE: About 20 minutes. CLOSING CREDITS
Phoebe: No Im not! You are!
Phoebe: Okay Rachel, I cant wait to live with you! And you know what we should do? Bring Monica and then we could all live there together! Well have so much fun!!
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Ohh. Oh wait! (Jis) you guys won�t be late for my dinner, will you?
Phoebe: (looks at the paper) Are these for rent! I thought people were just bragging!
Phoebe: (laughs harder) You make it so funny.
Phoebe: What did you do on yours?
Phoebe: No but you shouldn't! Don't ever do that again.
Phoebe: Yeah, I think it was better when you guys were sad. Hey, uh, remember the roller blades?
Phoebe: Rachel, what the hell is this?!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, thats the word I use when I cant remember the real thing.
Phoebe: So, Sebastian, do you do any volunteer work?
Rachel: Wow! I mean, I justI cant, I cant believe this. Yknow, I mean you think you know someone even, even Phoebe whos always been somewhat of a question mark.
Phoebe: I justI thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love!
[Phoebe and Ryan walk outside.]
Phoebe: Okay sure!
Phoebe: Ohh! Okay! Okay, cause when-when he said, "I cant wait to hear your first words," I thought, "Theres a trick."
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Yeah?
Phoebe: This is Patrick. (Points to him.)
Phoebe: Okay. Is it a kind of hot sandwich?
Phoebe: This is Patrick.
Phoebe: Yeah, this is the guy I was telling you about.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the kitchen, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the table writing one notepads while Chandler is looking over their shoulders.]
Patrick: Yknow what Phoebe? This isnt really worth the free massage.
Phoebe: Yeah, okay, lets talk it out.
Phoebe: Then why did she ask us to
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: Since when are you into swing music?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are there.]
Phoebe: Eh, dont be so hard on yourself. If someone I was still in love with was getting married
Phoebe: Youve got to get out of here! Save yourself!
Phoebe: Well, they fired me and Im having heart attack.
Phoebe: Dont worry about me, Im a robot! Im just a machine!!
[Sequence 1: Chandler is running past Phoebe with the ball, Phoebe flashes him, he stops and stares dumbfounded at her. Phoebe then runs up and takes the ball away.]
Phoebe: Yeah! So you're gonna call this one back?
Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel: (turning to look at Joey) Ewwww!!
Phoebe: (looks at Monica) Hey, yknow what might cheer you up?
Phoebe: (she stops reading from the script) Oh my God.
Phoebe: I am.
Phoebe: Well, maybe he wouldnt be she didnt bring the office home every night!
Phoebe: I am extremely talented!
Phoebe: What is your job?
Phoebe: Oh no, one of those look for the hidden meaning songs.
Phoebe Sr: Well, yeah! I mean yeah, but only for three days.
Phoebe: Oh, well, see, there's this guy she met at the...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: It's not that bad.
Phoebe: Okay. Oh umm, Chandler, Monica is looking for you.
Phoebe: Chandler, Chandler.
Phoebe: Well no, it was my fault so you should get the nice room.
Phoebe: (singing) And I'm still waiting for my paper mache man. Thank you my babies.
Phoebe: (entering from Rachel's bedroom) I found it!
Phoebe: Oh! All right. Now, let's not do this!
Phoebe: I know! I know! I know!
Phoebe: Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!
Phoebe: No. Im-Im to depressed to talk.
Phoebe: Yeah. So, we can do it tomorrow night, you guys. It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect.
Phoebe: Yeah?
Phoebe: (To Ross) Hes holding us back.
Phoebe: No! Joey, youre going to be great!
Phoebe: (in a sexy voice to Chandler) Ill be waiting.
Phoebe: Oh, I love paper mache! What did you make?
Phoebe: Ive never done that.
Rachel: (To Phoebe) We do?
Phoebe: I want to see what he wants first.
Phoebe: Well, if you must know I have written 14 books. And as I am the only one who has read them, I can tell you that they all have been very well received.
(Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe enter.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are there, Joey is demonstrating a card trick.]
Phoebe: Oh, I wasnt even thinking about that.
Mike: Phoebe you don't have to eat...
(Phoebe picks up her cell-phone and calls Monica. Monica is still packing in her apartment.)
Phoebe: So that's why she gave you a naked picture of herself.
Phoebe: I know, I took it hard too.
Rachel: Yeah. Your teeth? Yes, I saw them from outside. (Sitting down on the couch.) You guys are never going to believe this. But, Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren.
Phoebe: Why would the copy guy say he was Ralph Lauren?
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Ok, who wants to hear something ironic?
Phoebe: Oh, I'm going to give him something else besides joy, just (She scowls at him.)
Phoebe: You mean like a doctor?