words in movies
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Chandler: Its Phoebe! Hi!
(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shops signa large steaming cup of coffee.)
Joey: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um, Liam Neeson.
Phoebe: Morly Safer.
Phoebe: The woman who cuts my hair!
Phoebe: (Her face dropping) Oh, really.
Phoebe: Rifts. Yeah, I know.
Phoebe: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat?
Phoebe: (Turning to Chandler) where were you standing?
Phoebe: Its mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
Phoebe: (Jumping up) Yeah?
Phoebe: Why? Why would you wanna... do that? Why?
Phoebe: Well, I mean, Im not my sisters, you know, whatever, and um... I mean, its true, we were one egg, once, but err, you know, weve grown apart, so, um... I dont know, why not? Okay.
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Phoebe: Yeah Im fine.
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving coffee to Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Phoebe: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.
(Jamie notices Phoebe sitting at the counter.)
(Phoebe walks by, ignoring the two strangers.)
Phoebe: Yeah?
Phoebe: (Smiling blankly) Right, and its me.
Phoebe: Much as you are.
Phoebe: (Philosophically) Oh, thats good.
Phoebe: Good choice.
(Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women wont see the face she pulls, and sits down.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.]
(Phoebe uses the remote to stop the Spanish by turning off the television.)
(The wool-bound trio returns to the table. Rachel has to rush ahead to avoid becoming tangled. Joey brings the shopping bag over to Phoebe, and takes out a nice cardigan.)
Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.
Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really...
Phoebe: Ohhh... Sure, yeah... (disgustedly dropping the cardigan back into the bag) ..okay, it fits.
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!
Joey: Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay.
Phoebe: Alright, well, maybe now its not okay.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Wherere you going?
Phoebe: With?
Phoebe: Alright, could I just ask you one question?
Phoebe: Have you two, you know... like... you know... you know... yet?
(Phoebe buttons her lip, while the rest of the gang pretend theyre not there.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Phoebe: Alright, so, can we turn this off? Can we just make it... make them go away? Because I cant, I cant watch.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its...
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Phoebe: Well, but thats what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then he wouldnt even talk to me any more. Because he said he didnt wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us.
Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...
Phoebe: Yeah. Okay.
Phoebe: But hes falling in love with her.
Phoebe: Okay... Okay.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, oh.
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeys shirts.)
(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)
Joey: Hey Monica its Joey. Listen uh, Phoebe and I smell gas comin from your apartment.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, it's gonna be even worse for you... God... Ross, get ready to do some serious crying.
Phoebe: Oh my God, hes lost it. Hes totally lost it.
Phoebe: Yes, I do! Today is Mike and my one-year anniversary.
Phoebe: Okay.
Monica: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! (Marcel runs off and Luisa runs after him. Monica goes to check up on Phoebe) Are you okay?
Phoebe: Six months.
Phoebe: Not if I get there first.
PHOEBE: Well you know, you juist, you eat them and you can tell.
Phoebe: Hey, maybe they meant to write, Quiet, bitch.
Phoebe: Because, I'm just, I'm incredibly anal and an unbelievable control freak.
Roy: Ok, ok, ladies! Can I have your attention, please? (pause) Did someone call for the long arm of the law? (He extends his arm from around his crotch and then upward and outward, towards Phoebe) I should warn you, I have a concealed weapon! (Puts his hands over his crotch) I hope you're familiar with the States penal code, ok, ok, enough teasing. Now for some pleasing!
Phoebe: Okay Ive got one for you, if you had too which one would you rather eat, a seeing eye dog or a talking gorilla?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: (to Monica) Then why are you answering? Do you at least know what route were on?
PHOEBE: Oh no, ooh, ooh, did somebody forget to use a coaster?
PHOEBE: I, I don't, I don't understand, how can you be straight? I mean, you're, you're so smart and funny and you throw such great Academy Award parties.
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking with her second date, Jason.]
Monica: (entering) Did I miss it? (Phoebe nods no.) Rachel, I-I want you to know that, if its positive, were gonna
Phoebe: Oh I know, Ive been there. I remember toward the end
Phoebe: Well, yeah.
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Phoebe: I got me some drinks!
Phoebe: What do you know?!
Phoebe: Ooh! Hi!
Phoebe: No, back to happy. Back to happy!
Party Guests: (chanting) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (Ross goes to investigate the noise) Howard! Howard! Howard! (They're holding Howard above their heads.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (He sees Phoebe chanting along with them.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Yay!!
PHOEBE: Oh yes. Oh and, the part about how they're always like drinking from out pool of inner power, but God forbid we should take a sip.
Phoebe: I'll have one, please. Plus my money.
Phoebe: Hey.
Phoebe: Ohh, Monica, I am so excited for you.
Phoebe: No, just a barrel.
Phoebe: No!
Phoebe: No!
Phoebe: It does! How would you feel if you couldnt share your cooking? Or-or imagine how Ross would feel if he couldnt teach us about dragons.
Phoebe: Hi!
Phoebe: Im telling it! Im telling it!
Phoebe: Okay, yeah well, good news, youre going to have three babies.
Phoebe: I know, you mustve won like a contest or something!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the black chairs.]
Phoebe: Oh, that is better.
Phoebe: Pastrami.
Phoebe: I don't know about that. I've got one that's worse.
Mrs. Potter: Mr. Simons been waiting for(sees Phoebe and Rick) Oh my God!
PHOEBE: Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you love it, let's go.
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: I-I wanna be with her, (points to the stripper next to her) I like her.
Phoebe: Monica, I'm sorry I didn't come by last night. I was out with Gary; he let me ride around with him in his cop car. We saw and prevented crimes.
Rachel: Yah! She's... uhm... not very good though... (Phoebe looks devastated)
Phoebe: Listen. Listen. (She starts to play and sing.) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
Alice: (entering) Phoebe! Phoebe! Hi! Hi!
Phoebe: (screaming) Toll-booth! Four bucks. There are quarters in the glove compartment.
Phoebe: Hi!
(They do so, and Phoebe gets in the middle, closes her eyes, and starts spinning in a circle.)
Rachel: Oh, Phoebe! Come on! You know what, it's already three o'clock and they haven't even gotten to Emma's group yet. We gotta go, we got dinner!
Phoebe: You knew this and you never said anything?! With all the stupid dinosaur stuff you tell us?!
Phoebe: Oh my God, has she slept at all?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are on the couch as Joey enters.]
Phoebe: God, Susan is so fun!
Phoebe: Okay, um, oh, the zoo commercial.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is working as Phoebe and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: Oh, okay. (Walks out.)
Phoebe: Well, I've been reading up and for your information, minks are not very nice. Okay, I admit it! I love this coat! Okay, Iit's the best thing I've ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley! (She starts to leave but stops and says to Monica.) Remember Phil Huntley? He was fine!
Phoebe: Okay, okay. Its James Brolin. James Brolin is the father of my baby.
PHOEBE: He doesn't have rabies, he has babies. That's what my mom said.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting in their recliners watching TV. Monica, Ross, and Phoebe are there.]
Phoebe: Umm, Gene.
Monica: Uh, huh. (to Ross) Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away. (Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe leave)
Phoebe: All right, so, what are we supposed to call you?
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Bye, Gene.
PHOEBE: Uh, Ross, those are the only lines we have, sorry. OK, you guys, once more.
Phoebe: Wow, Carol really messed you up!
Phoebe: Oh, now you're sad and creepy, oh. You know what, I, I'm sorry I quit, okay, I just quit.
Phoebe: Yeah. The 92 Ross wouldnt.
Phoebe: Guess what. Frank Jr., and Alice got married!
Phoebe: Drum roll.
Phoebe: No, I can handle it. No, Im a professional. (She starts to leave)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing her holiday song.]
Phoebe: Youre actually going through with this?
Phoebe: Okay!
Phoebe: Yeah!
Phoebe: Yay!
Ross: In this life, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Okay, bye!
Phoebe: Nothing, I just thought I'd stop by.. y'know, after the uh... that I.. y'know, so what are you doing here?
PHOEBE: I know, I know, and I was gonna get it but then he came in with this needle and uh, di-, did you know they do this with needles?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah! You like em? I just, I went to a used clothes store and got a bunch of maternity stuff. These are sooo comfortable!
Phoebe: Excuse me.
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: (entering, wearing Santa pants) Hello!
Phoebe: (seeing Rachel's clothes) What a neat idea. All your clothes match. I'm gonna do this.
Phoebe: Um, um. It's huge. Yeah, that's the moment, when-when, you know she stopped being a princess, and became, like, a woman, you know.
Phoebe: Boy! I didnt see that coming!
Phoebe: Oh! These are the ones I was looking at in the store. (she got earrings)
Phoebe: Hey, look who's up! How do you feel?
Phoebe: Thats too hard. Too hard!
Phoebe: Or you could end up with everything.
Phoebe: Oh no, I know! I know! It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head!
Phoebe: This is great!