words in movies
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Phoebe and Ross enter the room.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Oh, he has a gig. I kinda like being married to a rock star, you know. My husband has a gig.
Phoebe: Oh, he's playing organ for a children's roller-skating party.
Phoebe (watching the food on the table): Wow, this is quite a spread! (pause) What is all this stuff?
Phoebe (to Rachel): You doing ok?
Phoebe: Uh-hmm.
Phoebe: Yes! You know, in six months the Statute of Limitations runs out and I can travel internationally again!
Phoebe: I know.
Joey: Huh, if I had to guess I'd say Rachel is putting on the bubble wrap and Phoebe is doing the punching.
[Scene: Guest room. Rachel and Phoebe are sitting on the bed.]
Phoebe: Ok well, before you do, I know we weren't supposed to get you going away presents, (she takes something out from her pocket) but I do have something for you.
Phoebe: It's a cotton swab with a bit of my saliva on it, so that if they perfect the cloning process while you are over there, you can use the DNA to create your own Pheebs!
(Phoebe and Rachel enter the living room.)
Rachel: I love you Phoebe.
Phoebe: I love you too. (they hug) Please don't... Don't turn into... you know... French bitch! (they hug again)
Phoebe: Ok.
Phoebe: (to Monica) Are you wearing waterproof mascara?
Phoebe: Oh, you're so screwed. (Monica goes into the guest room)
Ross: (to Phoebe) Hey. What was that all about?
Phoebe: She's gonna say goodbye to each of us individually.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, it's gonna be even worse for you... God... Ross, get ready to do some serious crying.
Phoebe: (from the other side of the room) Yeah!
Phoebe: These are not mine... Look how flimsy they are, come on! Good God! You try to hang a guy from a waterpipe with these, they'll snap like a piece of licorice.
Chandler: Sure. (to Phoebe) You don't really handcuff guys to waterpipes do you?
Phoebe: Where do you think Mike really is? (she giggles, Chandler looks aghast)
Phoebe: I don't know. But, God, Joey seems to be handling it suprisingly well.
[Scene: Monica's apartment continued... Phoebe, Chandler, Monica and Joey are sitting down and Ross is pacing up and down.]
Phoebe: You know, maybe she was just really spent from our talk. It was pretty intense.
Phoebe: Ross, if you're this upset, you should go and talk to her.
Phoebe: Tell me about it.
Phoebe: All right, I think I'm gonna head out.
Phoebe: I thought I was going home to go to bed, but I'm sensing there's something less fun for me to do here.
Monica: Oh no! You and Phoebe are gonna help me in here.
Phoebe and Joey: Yeah.
Phoebe: How was your night?
Phoebe: Yeah, you got to get to the hospital.
Monica: All right, Chandler get the coats. Erica let's go. Phoebe and Joey, keep packing! Oh my God we're gonna have a baby. All right. We're gonna have a baby! OH MY GOD, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! Oh God, oh God, I got to sit down, I got to sit down. Ooh! (she's hyperventilating)
Phoebe: Okay. (she starts to stuff styrofoam peanuts down the front of Joey's pants.)
Phoebe: All right, ready?
Phoebe: All right, here it goes...
Phoebe: And then. I would use y'know the strongest tool at my disposal. My sexuality.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Joey enters strutting.]
Phoebe: (pointing at Mike and shouting) I sleep with him!
Phoebe: Ohh-oh, chilling!
PHOEBE: Ok, there is no top. That's the beauty of Smelly Cat. Um, why don't you just follow me?
Phoebe: Listen, I feel really badly about yesterday and I thought about it a lot and, and I know, I was too impatient. SO lets try it again.
Phoebe: Oh my God!! (She grabs Rachels hand and drags her towards Monica.) Excuse me! Excuse me! (Shes knocking women and veils out of the way as she moves.)
Phoebe: (Screaming incoherently.) Get in here!!! (Motions to join her and Rachel.)
[Scene: Monica and Phoebes, Monica is vacuuming.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is hosting an impromptu roundtable discussion with Stephanie, Karin, and Meg about Rosss three divorces.]
PHOEBE: I don't know. Who's Soupy Sales?
Phoebe: I think she means (Imitates) 'You dance
Phoebe: Well, you said that you had customers lined up in the street, so I am here to entertain!
Phoebe: Or you could teach stripping. You know, share your gift, pass the torch.
Phoebe: Yeah, I cant say croissant. (realises) Oh my God!
Phoebe: Ok, well, alright, who thinks the food is fine, the music was fine, but your evening was ruined by this incessant poll taking? (all raise their hands).
(Phoebe has heard them arguing and comes down the hall, taking them into a broom closet.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula): Yeah, um... (nervously clears her throat) You know you, you should just forget about what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk!
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?
Phoebe: That sounds really great, but maybe you should be in charge of wiping.
Monica: Okay, stop it Phoebe, youre getting me all tingly.
Phoebe: You mean whenever Monica and Chandler where like y'know doing laundry or going grocery shopping orOh! All that time Monica spent on the phone with sad Linda from camp!
Phoebe: Okay umm, Id also like to try on the tiara. (The male jeweler hands it to her.) Oh yeah. Okay. (Puts it on.) (To the jeweler) What do you think, too much?
[Scene: Moondance Diner. Ross, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are sitting at the counter, Monica is working. Monica is wearing her costume, including big fake breasts.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is telling everyone about her discovery.]
Phoebe: Okay, Jasmine, can you, can you ask Mr. Whiffler if he can wait for like five minutes.
Phoebe: Im sorry I wont be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but Im really busy that day. Yeah, I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun bar mitzvah.
Phoebe: Oui, bien sur je parle Français! Qu'est-ce que tu penses alors?
Phoebe: Okay, watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie.
Monica, Chandler and Phoebe: YE-AH!
Theodore: Phoebe, these are our friends, Tom and Sue Angle.
Phoebe: The mailman was downstairs, so I brought up your mail.
Phoebe: Thats easy! You just have to think of him as a-as a jar of pickles that wont open.
Phoebe: Yeah, but only a genius would swallow a sonic blaster gun.
Phoebe: (Mike now enters and stands behind Phoebe) Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong. No, he's not in like a sissy way. No, no, no... when he gets going, he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave...
Phoebe: Okay, this is inexcusable. I am shocked to my very core!
Phoebe: Forget her! You enjoy this!! (Pulls him back up and starts applauding again. Joey waves and does a salute.]
Phoebe: It's very weird! I don't want some guy down there telling me, I'm y'know, dilatedamundo!
David: Uh, Phoebe, uh... (Chandler hits his own head) you're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was, was unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help!
Phoebe: Ooh! I know what you could make! (runs over to join Monica and Rachel in the kitchen) I know! Oh, you should definitely make that thing... you know, with the stuff? (Monica doesn't know.) You know, that thing... with the stuff...? OK, I don't know. (sits down)
PHOEBE: I can see that, 'cause they both have those big brown eyes and, ya know, the little pouty chin. MONICA: And the fact that they're both monkeys.
Phoebe: And we don't want any recognition. This is completely anonymous.
Phoebe: Morly Safer.
Phoebe: Yeah, sorry boys, this ride's closing.
Phoebe: It's not Santa's plan. No, it's... (Laughs the real "plan-laugh.")
Phoebe: Im a lady Monica, I dont kiss and tell. But this hickey speaks for itself. (She starts to open up her blouse.)
Phoebe: Does a dog's lips move when he reads? (Joey makes an `I don't know' face, and looks to Chandler and Rachel, who're also stumped) Okay, no they don't.
Phoebe: I love you. But I never needed a proposal from you. I just needed to know that we were headed somewhere, you know, that we had a future.
Phoebe: No, no, no, oh no-no-no, its has to be 800. (picks up the instruction manual to check the phone number) Cause all those big companies have 800 numbers, every one. (Finds the number) Yeah, every big Utah-based company has one.
Phoebe: (to Monica) Look, look, I have elbows! (They scream.)
Phoebe: No reason, its just I know a single guy that cares about other people.
Phoebe: That's okay. If - if we hit anything, the engine will explode, so you know, it's better if you're thrown from the car.
Phoebe: You just cant stand anyone else enjoying themselves cant you?
PHOEBE: Okay, ask her 'What is her current method of birth control?'
Rachel: Oh, okay, well, I think we should let Phoebe decide, because shes the only whos impartial, and shes so pretty.
Phoebe: (overacting with a song this time) (singing) Gooood luck! Gooood luck! We all wish you good luuuuuuuuck!!!
Monica: And Phoebe is his friend, so he thinks that would be breaking the rules!
PHOEBE: OH!! Oh I thought they were just watching me. You know, like at, like at an aquarium, ya know.
Monica: Oh God Phoebe!! (Phoebe covers one ear.) Oh thats it! Thats it! Right there! Oh! (Tries to cover the other ear.) Ooooh-oooh-ooooh (Covers both ears and continues the massage with her elbows.)
Phoebe: Okay, now would you say that thats more than 50 yards away from Sting, his wife, or a member of his family?
Phoebe: Hey, Joey, when you said the deal with Santa Clause, you meant?
Phoebe: Wow you guys got a hospital? Fancy!
Phoebe Sr: Oh gosh, Lily, yes. Of course I remember Lily. I... Then you must be?
Phoebe: Oh, God, just do it! (Grabbing the phone.) Call her! Stop being so testosteroney!
PHOEBE: Ok, Love Story, Brian's Song, and Terms of Endearment.
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Were practically kissing. (Makes a kissy face and winks at him.)
Phoebe: Aw! Hey, do you think that Susan person is her lover?
Phoebe: Oh yeah, the doctor said that could be one of the side effects.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is watching a rabbi play an electric guitar on TV. Phoebe enters.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower has ended and everyone except for Mrs. Green have left who is talking to Rachel while Monica and Phoebe are cleaning up.]
Phoebe: Come on Ross, youre a paleontologist, dig a little deeper.
Phoebe: There-there was a suicide note?! (Ursula nods Yes.) Well, do you still have it?
Phoebe: It's okay, I mean she had a really incredible life. And it's not like I'm never gonna see her again, y'know she's gonna visit.
[Scene: Mike's parents house, the dining room. Mike, Phoebe, Mike's parents and the Angles are there.]
Phoebe: (crossing her fingers and closing her eyes) Please dont be a space ship. Please dont be a space ship. (She turns on the light and looks around and finds that its the smoke detector thats beeping.) Oh thank God! (She moves a chair over and starts to investigate how to make the beeping turn off, in frustration she yanks the thing off of the wall. She sets it down and heads for bed, just as she gets there it beeps again. She opens the cover and removes the battery, but it still beeps.) How could you be beeping?! I just disconnected you! I took out your battery! How can
Phoebe: Bing, what an unusual name.
Phoebe: What? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something? Ooh, I like it.
Phoebe: Oh, okay that explains it. I got a call at two in the morning, but all I could hear was, like, this high squeaky sound, so I thought okay its like a mouse or a opossum. But then I realized where would a mouse or a opossum get the money to make the phone call.
Phoebe: Yeah, and what a great way to say, "I secretly love you, roommate's girlfriend!"
Phoebe: No, we were talking about tennis. Tennis is more believable.
Phoebe: Well, we didnt have a lot of money. But the girl across the street had the best bike! It was pink and it had rainbow colored tassels hanging off the handle grips, and-and-and a bell and this big, white wicker basket with those plastic daisies stuck on.
Phoebe: And! Yknow what Jake says? That womens underwear is actually more comfortable. And he loves the way the silk feels against his skin.
Phoebe: Noooo!! Damn you ref! You burn in hell!!!
Phoebe: Oh, that's Sarah. No, no. Don't you get any ideas, ok? No, I'm not setting you up with any more of my friends!
(Phoebe runs and scores a touchdown.)
Phoebe: I went shopping with Monica all day, and I had a salad.
Phoebe: I have a date with this diplomat I met while I was giving free massages outside the UN and, I dont know where his country is.
Phoebe: Oh my God! No! Shoo! Kitty! No! No-no-no! Shoo! Come on, you! (goes over and picks up the cat) Come on. Crazy. (looks into the cats eyes) Oh my God.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, dont Aww Pheebs, that sucks! me yet. (she starts to leave)
[Time lapse, they have set up a little assembly line for diaper changes. Phoebe wipes, Chandler adds the powder, begrudgingly, and Monica puts the diaper on.]
Phoebe: Oh no! That really is nothing, she is very sexually aggressive.
Phoebe: And you... Your home is lovely.
Phoebe: uh huh (terns to Ross) how do I look (all her make up has gone everywhere)
Phoebe: Duh, I think I know how to heat breast milk. Ok. (Squirts some on her wrist and tastes it.)
Phoebe: They give you away! Theres just-theres just too much wisdom in there. (Joey nods in agreement.) Just put some tea bags on there for like 15 minutes.
(He hears Phoebe and Rachel coming and hides in the ice machine room.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is speaking Italian to Joeys grandmother. Im spelling phonetically.]
Phoebe: Uh-oh. She may be onto us.
Phoebe: Oh, theyre just gonna umm, look to see if my endometria layer is thick.
Phoebe: (sees Rachel's face) What? Did you go to a costume party? Let me guess umm Pancho Vila? (Points at Rachel) and you're Bob Saget. (An old lady has sat down at the slot machine Phoebe was just at.)