words in movies
(Phoebe arrives, guitar in hand.)
Phoebe: Did I miss it, did I miss it?
Phoebe: I just thought we might be here for awhile. You know, things might get musical.
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Phoebe is playing a song. Chandler, Monica, and Ross are there as well.]
Phoebe: (singing)
(Ross gives Phoebe a dollar.)
Phoebe: Thanks, Ross.
Phoebe: Ok.
Phoebe: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.
Phoebe: Hey. Ooh, look at you, dressy-dress.
(Phoebe has heard them arguing and comes down the hall, taking them into a broom closet.)
Phoebe: Hey, hey, ok, all right, that's it! Get in here. Come on. My god, you guys, I don't believe you. There are children coming into the world in this very building and your negative fighting noises are not the first thing they should be hearing. So just stop all the yelling, just stop it!
Phoebe: Don't make me do this again, I don't like my voice like this.
(Phoebe goes to leave the room, but the door is locked.)
Phoebe: Ok, who wants to hear something ironic?
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
Phoebe: This is so great.
Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were fighting.
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has used a broom to open the air vent in the ceiling. Phoebe is wearing a janitor's uniform, ready to go up in the vent.]
Phoebe: (reading the nametag on the uniform) Hi, I'm Ben. I'm hospital worker Ben. It's Ben... to the rescue!
(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent.)
Phoebe: (from the air vent overhead) You guys, he's beautiful!
(They look up towards the vent and wave at Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.
Phoebe: Oh, look, look, he's closing his eyes. (screen goes blank) Look, he's opening his eyes. (picture comes back)
Phoebe: Oh, look, he's closing his eyes again.
The Security Guard: (To Phoebe) Didn't I just throw you out of here?
Phoebe: Really? Thats the thing Im worse at! Youll see. (Exits.)
Phoebe: Hi liar!
[Scene: The Hospital, Phoebe is arriving with Ross, Joey, and Rachel in tow.]
Phoebe: I can hear traffic and birds! I can hear the voices in my head again! (Monica looks at her strangely) Im kidding. (She smiles wickedly.)
Phoebe: Why?
Phoebe: What sex?
Phoebe: You-you you had sex with Ursula?!
Phoebe: We didnt have sex.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Yeah, so do you.
Phoebe: So I guess this is it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the next morning, Monica and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: Oh. Ew! Ew! Ew! Ugh! Yknow what? This is too weird.
Phoebe: (nasally) Greg and Jenny?
Monica: (Gets up) Okay, okay. You two (to Phoebe and Rachel) go get the dessert. And I'll let you in.
Phoebe: No, its New York magazine. Its an article about the best schools in the city. So how well do you know Sting?
Phoebe: Okay so, well just come up with some kind of signal if its going well you can take off.
Phoebe: Huh?
Phoebe: Well, I just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin
Phoebe: Oh. Why not?
Phoebe: Sure. Yeah, hes kinda sexy.
Rachel: No Phoebe! I just need you there for support. I havent told him Im pregnant yet.
Phoebe: Wow! Oh well, I will be there!
Phoebe: Oh my God!!! Monica!! Hes the stripper from your bachelorette party!!
Phoebe: Oh, I-I dont eat meat.
Phoebe: Yeah, I dont eat that either.
Phoebe: Rachel!
Phoebe: HeyOoh, hows Hilda? Is she working out?
Rachel: Phoebe!
Phoebe: No look, weve apologized twice! I cant do anymore than that. I know you hate it when people are mad at you but you just have to be okay with it.
Phoebe: Hes right though, the 74 is absolute piss.
Phoebe: Youre just saying that because youre my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) Hes a fan. (To the fan as shes leaving) Bye! (Exits)
Phoebe: (writing frantically) You guys, Im sorry, could you please talk a little slower?
Phoebe: When I got pregnant with the triplets, I took that test like three times just to make sure.
Phoebe: No dont tear out your eyes!!
Phoebe: You should be. I'm very bendy. (Pause) I'm gonna kiss you now.
PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his tree. Oh my God, you should see the size of his Christmas Balls.
Phoebe: I'm wearing pantyhose!
Phoebe: Thats it?! You call that a fight? Come on! "We were on a break!" "No we werent!" What happened to you two?!
Phoebe: Okay. Good, all right, lets get back in the car, cause its freezing, and my chest is unsupported.
[Scene: Kleinmans, a horde of women including Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica are waiting for the store to open.]
Phoebe: Yeah, but this (makes Monica's face) isn't the face of a person who trusts a person. Ok, this (makes Monica's face) is the face of a person who, you know, doesn't trust a person.
Phoebe: (entering, quietly) Wow, you told your dad the truth.
Phoebe: Wanna go see a movie?
Phoebe: No they ran out of "Its a girl" but I can fix this one, (She writes "not" in between its and a) See?
Rachel: Yes! (She gets up and sets the phone on the counter without hanging it up.) Bye daddy. (Phoebe and her leave.)
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Cause youre still into Monica. So you told her there was somebody else so she would agree to work with you, so cause you figure oh if you spent a lot of time together, maybe something might happen, and...
Phoebe: (seeing her dress) Oh God. So-so youre making porn movies.
Phoebe: Joseph Francis Tribbiani are you home yet?!!
Joey: Phoebe!
Monica: Well Phoebe doesnt eat turkey
Phoebe: Sure!
Phoebe: Happy Thanksgiving!
Phoebe: Anything I can do to help?
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: What?
[Scene: The Womens Restroom, Rachel and Phoebe are waiting for the outcome of Rachels second test.]
Monica: This is Phoebe.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are playing foosball as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Oh okay.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: (simultaneously) Green Bay.
Phoebe: Bye! (Phoebe goes over and joins Monica on the couch.) We said good-bye at the door so as not to flaunt our new love.
Phoebe: I think you do.
Phoebe: (holding a dinosaur) Okay, dinosaur attack!! Quick, everybody into the house!! Ahh-ahh! (the dinosaur starts attacking the house. She starts to bark like a dog.) Roof! Rrroof-roof-roof!
PHOEBE: Oh, I don't know. Umm, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace.
Phoebe: (gets up and sits between them) Okay-okay, why dont I sit here and youll both stop it!
Phoebe: What?! What else did you do?
(Phoebe makes a sound like a car screeching to a halt.)
Phoebe: Oh! (They all look.) Wow!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Joey and Ross are talking.]
Rachel: WhPhoebe!!
Phoebe: I wanna join!
Phoebe: (on intercom) Hey, do you need to get in? Here you go.
Phoebe: No. (opens the box) wh - get off your sister! Oh my god, what are we gonna do? We have 7 rats. So what if each of them has 7 rats? And then each of those have 7 rats? That's like ... (starts counting with her fingers) That's math I can't even do! What are we gonna do?
[Scene: Mike's parents house. Dining room again. Both Mike and Phoebe are not at the table, but the others still are.]
Phoebe: Is there anything we can do for you?
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: (louder) My chest hurts! Oh, and now I-I cant breathe.
Phoebe: Sting has a son that goes there too!
(Joey goes to get coffee and Rachel exits as the camera pans to Phoebe and Ross on the couch.)
Phoebe: Got cha again, you guys are so easy.
Gary: (To Phoebe) I'll see you after work sweetie. (Kisses her.)
Phoebe: What?!
Phoebe: Wow! Theyre beautiful!
Phoebe: Well then get your money back and return them!
Phoebe: Oh no! Why not?
Phoebe: How come?!
(They move closer to together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler's hip. He puts his hand on her left hip but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her shoulder.)
Ross: Phoebe, I
Phoebe: Sure you can! Give them some blocks, put them in a playpen!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe and Joey are playing Rock em, Sock em Robots.]
Phoebe: Your kid is seven?! (Ross nods, "Yes.") (To the rest) Hes really small. (To Ross) Please! Please get the tickets!
Phoebe: Yes you can! Sting says so himself!
Ross: Look Phoebe, Im sorry its just
Phoebe: (singing) Rosss can! Give me the tickets! Ross can give me the tickets!!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Phoebe is helping Joey rehearse for an audition. Phoebe is overacting her part.]
Phoebe: I dont use a curling iron.