words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Chandler enters.]
Phoebe: Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!
Phoebe: Uh-huh, what?
Phoebe: Oh!
Phoebe: Well, that would be great but then what do we do about Denise?
Phoebe: My roommate.
Phoebe: Yes, Denise. Denise!
Joey: Hey, what is with the secrecy Phoebe? Huh? And what about this Denise, is she cute?
Phoebe: Maybe because you never listen to anything that I say. I talk about her all the time! DENISE!!!!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is reading a magazine, eating a cookie, and drinking some coffee as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey.
Phoebe: So, what did Rachel say when you told her you were still married to her?
Phoebe: You didnt tell her did you?
Phoebe: Of course not, because youre in love with her.
Phoebe: What do you mean, comforted her?
Phoebe: Ah-ha! A classic sign of love, the hug!
Phoebe: Yeah, not in your case Lovey Loverson. (Tries to take a bite out of Rosss cookie.)
Phoebe: Okay, just tell me this, did you or did you not smell her hair?
Phoebe: Ninety percent of a womens pheromones come out the top of her head! Thats why, thats why women are shorter. So that men will fall in love when they hug them! (Ross is staring at her dumbfounded.) Oh come on Ross, youre a scientist.
Ross: I was hugging her as a friend. Its not my fault her-her hair got in my face, shes got a lot of it and it smells all-all uh coconutty. (Phoebe raises her eyebrows.) What?! Oh, that doesnt mean I have feelings for Rachel! Maybe it means I have feelings for coconuts!
Phoebe: (taking his coffee) Okay, whatever you say. But just be careful, all right? Rachels not in the same place you are.
Phoebe: Okay, I didnt understand that, but yknow, maybe thats cause you were speaking the secret language of love!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch staring off into space as Rachel enters.]
Phoebe: Shhhhhh! Im swamped right now.
Phoebe: Umm, Im trying to move that pencil. (Theres a pencil lying on the table.)
Phoebe: It worked!
Phoebe: Wait, no, look at this! (Points to one.) (Reading) "Two bedroom, two bath, must be non-smoker, Satan worshipers okay " Oh, yeah, but its on the ground floor.
(She hugs him and he starts to hug her back but notices the look Phoebe is giving him and pushes her away.)
Phoebe: I saw it.
Phoebe: Umm, Im talking about that which you already know but wont admit. You love her again; you re-love her!
Phoebe: I cant believe you wont just admit it! (Pause) Okay, just promise me that you wont do anything stupid.
Phoebe: What?!
Ross: Uh-huh. (Phoebe grunts.)
Phoebe: Wow! Im-Im so happy for you guys. (To Ross) This is so-so, not stupid.
Ross: Oh please! (He sits down.) (To Phoebe) Youre gonna say things now, arent ya?
Phoebe: No. No, I wont. But I should tell you this, this exact same thing happened to my roommate Denise. She moved in with a guy who was secretly married to her and he said he didnt love her, but he really did, and it just blew up! And thats how she ended up living with me! (Ross looks at her.) (Pause) Okay, thats a lie.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing a new song. Yep, the first new Phoebe song of season six, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are also there.]
Phoebe: (singing) I found you in my bed! Howd you whined up there? You are a mystery! Little black curly hair! Little black curly hair! Little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly hair
Phoebe: Now if you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
Phoebe: (on the microphone, accidentally) Yes.
PHOEBE: Oooh.� Let's do.� Let's send them mashed potatoes.
PHOEBE: Me too. [leaves]
Phoebe: Oh, you're so screwed. (Monica goes into the guest room)
PHOEBE: Hey cool, mine too.
Phoebe:...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.)
<Joey looks to Phoebe and she nods in agreement>
Phoebe: Well, a palm reader, a manicurist, a hand doctor
RACHEL: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. See Phoebe, Phoebe.
PHOEBE: Because she's your lobster.
PHOEBE: Do the claws again.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe enter.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there, Phoebe is entering with her date Robert.]
Phoebe: (on the other side of the line, still pretending to be Estelle) Joey, it's Estelle. (Joey's eyes bulge up, he looks afraid)
Ross: Oh much, much worse. I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians... (gestures with his hands and says in an impression voice?) "Can we walk"? (Phoebe starts laughing) Oh, you... you like that?
PHOEBE: So. You two are totally into each other.
[Everyone takes a step back from Phoebe]
Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!
Phoebe: Mm-hmm. (To herself) Throw me a bone here.
(Joey walks in and looks around. He's trying to find a Mike for Phoebe)
PHOEBE: Oh, OK, I don't eat meat.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Hey.
RACHEL and PHOEBE: Oh God, absolutely.
Joey: (angrily and monotone) Any one of the brilliant actresses nominated for this award tonight deserves to take it home. Unfortunately only one can. (Shakes his head in disgust.) The nominees for Best Supporting Actress are from Passions Erin Goff. (There is applause, which Joey disgustedly waits to dye out.) From One Life to Live Mary Loren Bishop (They start to applaud again, but Joey interrupts in with the rest of the nominees), from All My Children Sarah Mchann, and from Days of Our Lives Jessica Ashley. And the winner is (Opens the envelope) Jessica Ashley from Days of Our Lives. (Applause) Uh, unfortunately Jessica couldnt be with us tonight so Ill be accepting this award on her behalf. (Realizes something) And Im sure that Jessica would like to thank my parents who always believed in me. Shed also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel whos sittin right there! (Points at Rachel.) (The music starts and his microphone is turned off, this angers Joey again and he disgustedly exits.)
PHOEBE: Whoa, that's a lot of stuff.
Monica: (to Phoebe) Please, just a little bit off the back.
PHOEBE: You are so smitten.
MONICA and PHOEBE: Hey.
PHOEBE: Ahh.
Monica and Phoebe: Ewww!
PHOEBE: I think on my shoulder. [Ross enters]
Phoebe: Should we do something?
PHOEBE: No, I think you should tell them.
PHOEBE: Here we go.
PHOEBE: You're not going?
PHOEBE: Stick a fork what?
PHOEBE: OK, hey, HEY. Is your boyfriend the boss of you?
Rachel: Hi! Phoebe. (Both Monica and her try to move out of Phoebes way.)
Phoebe: Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch!
Phoebe: Right- where we've been looking all night!
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe at the mike.]
Phoebe: Oh God, I tried everything to make myself feel better. I even tried writing a song about it... but... I can't think of anything that rhymes with AARRGGHH!! (pause) Hey Monica, I really need your help getting through this...
Phoebe: So did Heldi show you the place?
PHOEBE: No.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
RACHEL: Phoebe we just saw mine, let me see yours.
RACHEL: Phoebe, how would you do this to me? This was all your idea.
PHOEBE: Um, yeah I guess that's me.
Phoebe: Nuh-uh! Theyre maternity pants. They even came with a list of baby names. (Pulls out a sheet of paper which lists whos been naughty and whos been nice.) See, these names are good, and these names are bad. (Finally, she figures it out.) Ohh.
(Joey and Phoebe leave for the door)
PHOEBE: Do you want a refill?
PHOEBE: Wanna see mine, wanna see mine?
PHOEBE: You have a third nipple?
Phoebe: Well, if you dont want your mother to move in with you, just tell her.
Phoebe: OkayOop! Too late! Im leaving! Come on Chandler lets go! (She storms out.)
Chandler: Yeah! Anderson just scored again! (To Phoebe) Theres no Anderson.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone except Phoebe is there as Rachel enters carrying a magazine.]
PHOEBE: So why don't ya show us the rest of your casa?
Phoebe: Okay Joey? Chandler's here, he was wondering (We hear the dial tone as Joey hangs up.) Okay, I guess he ran out of change.
PHOEBE: OK, let's go.
[Phoebe enters]
Phoebe: (writing in her book) Marcia and Chester are mad at Phyllis.
PHOEBE: I'm not done yet, OK. God. OK, if that goes well, they may even want to make an album.
PHOEBE: I told you not to do that yet. And, she wants to do a video.
PHOEBE: I'm done now.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting between Monica and Phoebe.]
Phoebe: All right, let just try it again. Really listen.
Phoebe: Ooh, three points. Both fine answers, but we were looking for leafy, leafy.
PRODUCER: OK Phoebe, you ready to try one?
PHOEBE: OK, that's my tattoo.
Phoebe: Yeah, 'cause hello, these are not her boobies, these are her breasts.
(Phoebe enters with Hums While He Pees also known as Kyle.)
Ross: yes, yes I did. and I will also say what I'm about to say Vis-�-vis the following Phoebe has never had a serious relationship since her. super-serious relationship with. Vicrum.
Vince: (to Phoebe) Look, I gotta go. I'm on call tonight. (kisses her) See you Saturday. (leaves)
Phoebe: Floopy?
Phoebe: Yeah, well I had to learn, I was staying at the Y and some off the young men werent acting Christian enough.
(They hug as Phoebe and Joey stare at the two of them.)
PHOEBE: Hey.
(Ross gives Phoebe a dollar.)
PHOEBE: Oh my God.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is singing. Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are listening.]
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers start singing smelly, smelly, smelly, smelly behind her] Oh woah, oh my God. I mean like, who was that?
Mike: You know, I really don't feel very comfortable making this decision. You know, Phoebe knows you better, I'm gonna let her choose. (he leaves)
PHOEBE: Yes.
[Phoebe enters]
PHOEBE: Hey.
Monica: Hey Phoebe... how you doin'? You feelin' better?
PHOEBE: I mean this poor woman.
Phoebe: Why, I must have been in missile training the day they taught that.
Phoebe: Wow! Thats so great! Oh! Oh! Cougar.
PHOEBE: Monica.
PHOEBE: Chandler.
Phoebe: (yelling from the bedroom) Get away from that! No! (she comes into the living room carrying the phone) She's just getting dressed.
PHOEBE: Rachel.
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh! Why don't we invite her?
PHOEBE: Why don't you play with your roommate?
PHOEBE: I know.
Phoebe: Im telling you hes dead. What we are about to have here is a dead fat guy on a stick.
PHOEBE: Ok.
Phoebe: Oh yay! Great! Okay, what room number is he in?