words in movies
Phoebe: Oh, oh! It's on again!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Phoebe: Hey.
Phoebe: Yes, it was! It was him! Uh huh! (they all stare at her) Okay, it was me!
Phoebe: Well, it was just, it was all so crazy, you know. I mean, Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10, and he was up to 7 and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I-I-I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See, all of it. (shows him her hand)
Phoebe: Yep, and that's why we don't invite you to play.
Phoebe: That is unfair. I'll call her and tell her it was totally my fault.
Phoebe: What a sad little life she must lead. Okay, ooh (starts dialing).
Phoebe: No, no, no, I know, I know, ooh. (on the phone in a different voice) 'Hi, this is Katelynn, from Phoebe Buffay's office. Um, is um, Ann there for Phoebe, she'll know what it's about.'
Joey: Hang up, hang up. (reaches with his good arm, but Phoebe grabs it and he tries to reach the phone with his other arm but can't because of the sling.)
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
Phoebe: Oh, it's your audition from this morning. Can I use the phone again?
Phoebe: (on phone, in 'Katelynn's' voice) 'Hi, I have Phoebe Buffay returning a page. Okay, well, um, she's in her car I'll have to patch you through.'
Phoebe: (in voice, on phone) 'Okay, go ahead.' (in normal voice on phone) Um, hi Annie. (listens) Fantastic! (to Joey) You got it. (on phone) Oh, okay, um, 'Will he work for scale?' you ask me. Well, I don't know about that, (Joey clears his throat to signify yes) except that I do and he will. Great, oh you are such a sweetheart. I would love to have lunch with you, how about we have lunch next....(hangs up phone) Op, went through a tunnel.
Phoebe: It was really fun, I mean I've never talked on a car phone before.
Phoebe: Oh, I don't know. I mean it was fun one time.
Phoebe: Two?
Phoebe: Okay, I'll do it, but just these three, right
Phoebe: (entering) Helloo! Oh! (sees Joey and starts to leave)
Phoebe: No it's not, sorry.
Joey: But Phoebe, wait! Wait! Phoebe. Phoebe! (catches her in the hallway)
Phoebe: Oh, Joey! Oh, okay, see I didn't recognize you wearing, in those....pants.
Phoebe: Yes! They called and you didn't get it! Okay, I mean you didn't get it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Phoebe: But they shouldn't happen, you know what, you're, you're in a terrible, terrible business. Oh God, I don't wanna be the person who makes your face look like that.
Phoebe: Oh, now you're sad and creepy, oh. You know what, I, I'm sorry I quit, okay, I just quit.
Phoebe: Not personal, really, well they said that they never met an Italian actor with a worse Italian accent.
Phoebe: Yeah. Ooh God, there's that face again! See I can't do this job! I...
Phoebe: Yeah okay, no if it helps you okay. Yeah.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are there]
Phoebe: Okay, so we got some more good rejections, lots of stuff to work on.
Phoebe: Okay, um, oh, the zoo commercial.
Phoebe: No. They said you 'Weren't believable as a human being.' So, you can work on that.
Phoebe: Um, the off-Broadway play people said 'You were pretty but dumb.'
Phoebe: Oh no wait, I'm sorry, that's 'pretty dumb.'
Phoebe: Oh.
Phoebe: Yeah, no, I understand.
Phoebe: Yeah. Sorry. (she starts to leave)
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: (in a coy tone) Oh, you caught me. I am so busted.
Phoebe: (reading from the instructions) After applying the Waxine and linen strips to leg number one,
Phoebe: Yknow you, you just stop being such a wuss and get those off and you come with us and watch naked girls dance around!!
Phoebe: No-no wait-wait! I cant just let you hang up! Just please talk to me.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe, back to reality, are sitting in normal clothes.]
PHOEBE: Let's just play, ok. Good, ok. [She picks up the dice.] Here we go, double sixes, here we go... [She starts to rub the dice all over herself.] Here we go, come to mama, just getting ready to roll the dice...
PHOEBE: There we go.You know what, if we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches.
Phoebe: That's fun. (She exits disappointedly.)
PHOEBE: What when Yeller saves saves the family from the wolf and everyone's happy?
Phoebe: What? Youll hi-ya?
Phoebe: Yeah, I saw the article on your coffee table and I memorized the title to freak you out!
Monica: (very serious) It's 2101 and I am not amused. (pause). Ok, the bride and groom have a few words they'd like to say. (Everyone sits and Phoebe gets up)
[Scene: Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are checking out the place. Luckily, Ugly Naked Guy is nowhere to be seen.]
Phoebe: Well, Im not sure. I mean, I guess until she y'know, gets used to the fact that theres y'know, a new mom. Y'know, I think shes worried that y'know, shes gonna, shes gonna be replaced. (to the cat, in a funny voice) Well, thats not gonna happen is it? Noo. (gets up) Okay, I have to return a call in the other room.
Phoebe: Like okay I-I-I, I havent met any Portuguese people! I, I havent had the perfect kiss! And I havent been to snipers school!
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, there is a beeping noise coming from the living room and Phoebe sleepily goes to investigate.]
Phoebe: Hey, Mel Gibson and Clint Eastwood.
PHOEBE: I just think that this was a really bad sign, ya know. I mean, like the beast at the threshold, you know. It's just like, I have no family left, ya know. I mean except for my grandmother, you know, but let's face it, she's not gonna be around forever, despite what she says. And I have a sister who I've barely spoken to since we like shared a womb. I don't know, this is my real father and I just, I want things to be like just right.
Rachel: Bloomingdales eliminated my department. (Phoebe gasps)
[Scene: Phoebes cab, shes driving, Joeys in the back seat, and the hitchhiker is riding up front with Phoebe.]
Jason: So Phoebe, you ah, sounded kinda serious on the phone, is ah, is anything wrong?
Phoebe: (singing) Hold me close, young Tony Dan-za.
Phoebe: I don't know. But, God, Joey seems to be handling it suprisingly well.
Phoebe: Oh that tart... floozy... giant...
Phoebe: Oh sure okay, you can touch yourself in front of us but you cant talk to Rachel.
Monica: Phoebe! Rachel! Its Monica! I wonder what you could possibly need me for on such short notice! (She bursts into the apartment to find only Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.) Oh.
Phoebe: (not smiling) That's not good.
Earl: Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. Ive been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no ones even looked up from their desk. Hang-hang on. (To the people standing around his cubicle.) Hey everybody! Uh, Im gonna kill myself! (Theres no response; no one even looks up.) Ill get back to ya. (To Phoebe) I got nothing. Wait. (He sets the phone down.) Uh, hey Marge! (Mimes putting a gun to his head, pulling the trigger, and splattering his brain on the wall behind him. Then points to himself. Marge watches this, then goes back to work.) (To Phoebe) Ehh, nothing. Nothing.
[Scene: Outside the restaurant, Melissa, Phoebe, and Rachel are emerging.]
Rachel: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
PHOEBE: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?
Phoebe: Feburary 16th.
Phoebe: Yeah but, Mischa is so interested in you, that Sergei and I havent been able to say two words to each other.
Phoebe: Oh, I love you guys too, but Mike got off work early. Wait. Wait, I�m not t�not that kind of girl that just ditches her friends to be with her boyfriend. You know what? I am. Bye guys! (waves to the bar) Judy! Bye.
Phoebe: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village..
Phoebe: Wow, a year and a half ago I didnt even know I had a brother, and now I have a sister too. (They all hug, and Frank and Alice start kissing.) Okay. Okay. Stop it, dont. So, I gotta get you a gift now. Is there anything you need?
Phoebe: Well hello, Mrs. Penella! Thank you so much for coming! Well, okay look, here's your umm, 3-D glasses and Reverend Pong will tell you when to put them on.
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) Its the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next weeks script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like theyre taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) Were not even shootin them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Phoebe enters carrying the horrific 'painting' of Gladys. Monica and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: I know that, but look, we've got the Powerball number, we've won 3 dollars!
Phoebe: Sure. It's just as well... I mean, last year wasn't very good. I think she's losing her touch.
Phoebe: What if I had taken that job at Merrill Lynch?
Rachel: (To Phoebe) So umm, how-how are we gonna mess with them?
Rachel: No, I-I live with Phoebe. I mean youre [pity-tone] alone, alone. And I just-its just not the time for us. Im sorry.
Phoebe: No, Mike, I don't want to kill him! I thought we were just gonna capture him and, and you know, set him free in the country side where he can maybe meet a friendly possom and a wisecracking owl.
Parker: No, no, no wait! Dont tell me. Let me guess. (Points as he says their names) Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel and, Im sorry Phoebe didnt mention you. (Chandler makes a face) Chandler, Im kidding all ready youre my favorite!
Phoebe: A chin dimple!
Phoebe: Well, I guess they�re not coming. You wanna just order?
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the brides maid test.]
Chandler: Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in vegetables, Joey?
Phoebe: Yeah, oh, Princess Leia and the gold bikini, every guy our age loved that.
Phoebe: Well, shes out of town so, theres gotta be something in her house that tells me where my Father is.
Phoebe: Okay. (Starts running crazily with her arms flapping and her legs far apart) Come on! That's not running! Let's go! (Rachel pauses, then follows, embarrassed.)
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Could be Rachel asking if someone could baby-sit again.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover.) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (Flashback continues: Paolo rolls over, Phoebe looks down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes her head)
Phoebe: Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra.
Monica: I made her. (Phoebe looks shocked) Steel drums don't really say "elegant wedding". Nor does Marjorie's overwhelming scent.
PHOEBE: [cutting Mrs. Greene off] Ha-ha, that's great, ha-ha. I can't wait to hear the rest of it, ya know, but I really have to go to the bathroom so... Hey, come with me. Yeah, yeah, it'll be like we're gal pals, ya know, like at a restraunt. Oh, it'll be fun, c'mon. [they go in the bathroom]
Phoebe: All right, I will. No, I will. But umm, yknow just remember that its still really early, okay so, if it says that Im not pregnant, that doesnt mean that Im not gonna get pregnant, okay and, and just please, just so I dont go completely nuts, just try not put all your hopes on this.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is there as Monica enters carrying a huge stack of newspapers.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment, Phoebe and Rachel are there and Chandler enters.]
Phoebe: (getting up) Well, I hate to eat and run, but
Phoebe: Its okay, hes a virgin.
Phoebe: Yeah I know. Isnt it great? One less person we have to make small talk with.
Phoebe: You remember her from my birthday party two years ago. Shes yeah, like, average height, medium build, bald...
PHOEBE: (knowingly chuckles) Oh, Mike.� Bye.
[Scene: Central Perk. Frank Jr., Phoebe and the triplets are there. The triplets are now sleeping on top of each other on the couch.]
Phoebe: Its not kicking me, its kicking one of the other babies. Oh (looks down her dress)! Dont make me come in there!
Phoebe: No, I know. That's a part of the whole, you know, them-not-liking-you-extravaganza.
Monica: Ok fine. I'll handle this. (goes to Phoebe who's talking to Rachel) Phoebe?
Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!
Phoebe: You’re just so mean to each other! And I don’t want to end up like that with Rachel. I still like you!
Phoebe: Hey! Ive got a great idea for party favors for the shower. Okay, we get some uh mahogany boxes and carve everyones names in them and inside is everyones individual birth stone.
Phoebe: Well, I, I like the idea of naming him after someone I love, and Joey and Chandler are great names. (They both stare at her.) But, all right, I dontmaybe Ill just name him The Hulk.
Phoebe: No, he really hates it. But he's gonna let me keep my box of human hair! So you got to pick your battles. But the good news is, Gladys is yours!
Phoebe: I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass!
Phoebe: (still laughing) No. (points to Rachel who stuck two straws in her mouth to look like a mammoth's tusks)
Phoebe: (with a fancy dress, still playing and singing): It wasn't just that she was fat, the woman smelled like garbage! Everyone! It wasn't just that she was fat the woman smelled like garbaaaaaage! (to Monica, showing her dress) Classy, uh?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are cautiously serving Phoebe some tea.]
PHOEBE: Well, you kind of just did.� That guy is going to call you tonight.� Ross is going to pick up the phone and that's a pretty clear message.
Phoebe: Dont be worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, Ross Geller, Good at Marriage! Yknow? Mines gonna say Phoebe Buffay, Buried Alive.
Phoebe: Not with that attitude! Now, haul ass!
[Scene: The park, Rachel's running by herself and panting. After a little while she decides to run like Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Well, maybe she didn't hear! Ok I'm gonna go into that dressing room, you stay in here and I'll talk and see if you can hear me.
Phoebe: If you wanted to punish them, you shouldve just made them hang out here!
Phoebe: Mon', not that you didn�t sound good, but...
Phoebe: Ooh, babies! Oh, this one is so cute, get this one!
Phoebe: Noo!
Phoebe: Okay, I just thought of the perfect guy for Rachel to take to her thing.
Phoebe: Umm, Im talking about that which you already know but wont admit. You love her again; you re-love her!
Phoebe: (gasps) Ohh, okay maybe they put your picture back up they can put you next to Matt Lauer. Look at him, smiling at me. (Giggles) Yeah I know; wed be great together!
Phoebe: Are you lying? Is this like that time you tried to convince us that you were a doctor?
Phoebe: Oh. Oh! Ma'am? Excuse me, ma'am?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are upset with each other. Phoebe is mediating.]
Chandler: Hey, yknow what, if youre gonna do that, if youre gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. (Phoebe doesnt think so.) Oh, come on! Chandlers funny, sophisticated, and hes very loveable, once you get to know him.
Phoebe: Well, freaked. Cause it turns out that the odds are really sucky. And! This is Frank and Alices like only shot. Like, they are literally putting all of their eggs in my basket.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is on the phone and Monica is nonchalantly "minding her own business".]
Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! Im sure. First of all, okay, theres the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mothers favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he understands, but then nods that he has no clue.) Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an Oh my God. gesture) Oh, I havent seen this smile in 17 years!
Charity guy: If I haven't said so already sir, (sarcastically pointing to Phoebe) congratulations!
Phoebe: Well no, when I get to the point where... you know... I'm ready to hear cruel mocking jokes about Mike... I'm gonna come to you.
Phoebe: Nuh-uh. I don't think any of our lives are ever gonna be the same ever again.