words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Monica are eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: Ugh, PBS!
Phoebe: Ugh, what's right with them?
Phoebe: Okay, 'cause right after my mom killed herself, I was just in this really bad place, y'know personally. So, I just thought that it'd make me feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street, 'cause they were so nice when I was a little kid! No one ever wrote back.
Phoebe: All I got was a lousy key chain! And by that time I was living in a box. I didn't have keys!
Phoebe: This isn't a good deed, you just wanted to get on TV! This is totally selfish.
Phoebe: What-what are you talking about?!
Phoebe: Yeah. So?
Phoebe: Yes there are! There are totally good deeds that are selfless.
Phoebe: Yeah, it's Y'know there'sno you may not!
Phoebe: Are you calling me selfish?!
Phoebe: I'm gonna find a selfless good dead. I'm gonna beat you, you evil genius.
Phoebe: Hey, Joey, when you said the deal with Santa Clause, you meant?
Phoebe: Right. (She turns and opens her eyes in shock.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass!
Phoebe: I will find a selfless good deed! 'Cause I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is telling Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler about Emily's ultimatum.]
Phoebe: Ooh-ohh!
Phoebe: Why?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Yeah, but you've known Rachel since High School and you cannot just cut her out of your life.
Phoebe: (on phone from Central Perk) Hey Joey, I just wanted to let you know that I found a selfless good deed. I just went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.
Phoebe: Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am definitely not.
Phoebe: (Thinks for a moment.) Aw, dammit! (Slams the phone down.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are cooking, Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Phoebe: Ooh, it's not a toy.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi Joey.
Phoebe: I would like to make a pledge. I would like to donate $200.
Phoebe: Oh, I'm still mad at them but I also now that they bring happiness to lots of kids who's moms didn't kill themselves, so by supporting them, I'm doing a good thing, but I'm not happy about it. So there, a selfless good deed.
Phoebe: No, it sucks. I was saving up to buy a hamster.
Phoebe: Yeah, not the one I had my eye on.
Phoebe: Oh, look-look, Joey's on TV! Isn't that great? My pledge got Joey on TV! Oh that makes me feelOh no! (Realizes that her deed made her happy and therefore it's selfish and covers her mouth in horror.)
Phoebe: No that made me feel precious.
Phoebe: I do!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are there. There is a white crib decorated with balloons in the middle of the apartment. Also, there are boxes all over the apartment. Joey is working on something on the coffee table.]
Phoebe: What's in the bag?
Phoebe: But on the southern route there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.
Phoebe: Hey, dude!
PHOEBE: Ya know, in all the years that we have been grandmother and granddaughter, you have never lied to me.
Phoebe: Uh-hmm.
Phoebe: Garfunkle.
Monica: Phoebe, do you want to go see a movie after dinner tonight?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Phoebe: You said I was boring--Ohh!
Phoebe: Okay, those are my sunglasses, you borrowed them from me.
Gary: Let me tell you what I think might be going on. (Phoebe looks down in shame.) No-no-no, don't look at the table. Look at me. (Points to his eyes and she does so) Okay, I think somebody asked someone to move in with them. And I think someone said, "Yes" but now she's having doubts because things are moving to fast for someone. Does that sound at all possible to you?
Phoebe: Apology accepted.
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
Phoebe: Oh-ooh, and I brought Operation, but umm I lost the umm (It starts buzzing) Its making a noise.
Phoebe: Okay, so its probably just the Ross thing then.
Phoebe: Sure! Where is it?
Phoebe: It will be in a minute. Listen, Tim youre a really great guy.
Phoebe: Ohh! So you're 5639?!
Phoebe: Oh wait, my grandmother's dead.
Phoebe: Who was that?
[Cut to Phoebe]
Phoebe: Yeah! (She hands the phone to Chandler.)
[Cut to Phoebe]
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes telling everyone what she found out at Ursulas while sitting in Central Perk.]
Phoebe: Which Richard?
Phoebe: Wow! I owe Rachel 20 bucks!
Phoebe: On a totally different bet.
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Yknow what? Im not talking to you! You go back to sleep! (To the hitchhiker) And you, are you a rapist?!
Gary: (To Phoebe) Would you like some more coffee, baby-doll?
Phoebe: Yeah, but then Jacques Cousteau came and he kicked his ass for betraying me! It was soo cool! Then, he took me diving and he introduced me to his pet seahorse, who, by the way, was totally coming on to me, and please, that is not gonna happen.
Phoebe: Naked alone time.
Phoebe: I will replace it, I promise. I feel so terrible.
Chandler: Phoebe knows about us!
Phoebe: I mean... (David kisses Phoebe on the cheek, makes his way to the door and turns around again)
Phoebe: (sitting down) Oh good! All right, so you decided to tell him about the Richard thing.
Phoebe: Okay, London 1
Phoebe: You ask us to find you a guy and you come traipsing in here with your own!
Phoebe: But again, Simmons. Go on.
Phoebe: Thanks! Okay. (They sit down.)
Phoebe: Okay, Rachel, get me perfume!
Phoebe: Its a Ms. Pac-Man machine!!
Monica: Phoebe, you'll catch pneumonia.
Phoebe: So you're a gladiator! Wow!
Phoebe: Yeah, that was Leslie calling again to see if we can get back together. Thats the twentieth time today! And good luck Leslie!
Phoebe: Oh, sure! (She gets up to leave.) Bye Ross! (Whispering behind his back.) Forever.
Phoebe: Oh, well get in line missy. (To Ross) So, can I have a ride stud?
Phoebe: Okay! Thanks! Happy Holidays, here's your joy. (She waves her arm and spreads her joy.)
Phoebe: Wow! And hey, its cool if youre a lesbian! (Gives her a thumbs up)
Monica: Ditch you? Phoebe, you were pregnant with the triplets!
Phoebe: Thanks.
Phoebe: Oh, in that case(hops up and down in joy)Yay! (Monica looks confused) That was me hopping on board.
Phoebe: Oh no. Could I get anyone a coffee or poison? No? Just for me? Okay. (Walks away.)
(Paolo enters. Ross, Phoebe, and Monica scatter)
Phoebe: (from the air vent overhead) You guys, he's beautiful!
Chandler: (To Monica) Go change! (To Phoebe) She doesnt want her parents to know shes drunk.
Phoebe: Wait, if thats his favourite area, why is he being so mean to it?
Phoebe: Yeah?
Phoebe: Oh well, lost again. (She gets up and slowly moves away. The lurker scurries in and takes her spot, only this time Phoebe set a trap for her and catches her in the act.) That's it! You and me, outside!
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Fauna.
Phoebe: (singing) Rosssss can!
Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.
Monica: Yeah! Oh hes great, I love him. (Walks away and Chandler glares at Phoebe.)
Phoebe: No I'm not. No! If anything I'm making you look better! They'll see you talking to me and that's--I'm a hit!
Phoebe: (sees Ross and Rachel) Hey!
Ross: Phoebe! (They hug.)
Rachel: Hi! (Hugs Phoebe)
Phoebe: You guys are here! Yay!
Phoebe: Ugh!
Phoebe: How do you know about this?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Rachel are there, as Phoebe enters with her date.]
Phoebe: Ohhh!
Phoebe: Kills you?
Monica: Phoebe, you don't eat animals.
Ross: Phoebe! You and I have never played chess!
Phoebe: (quietly) Bye, fat ass.
Monica: Phoebe! You're sick, you shouldn't play. You should just go home, get in bed, and stay there.
Phoebe: Ugh! No! This is so hard! I went through this whole book (Holds up a book) and found nothing! I want a name thats really like, yknow strong and confident, yknow? Like-like Exxon.
Phoebe: Yeah, uh-huh, there was nothing. (Pause) Can I get some water?
Phoebe: We can't leave now! There was this one baby, Haley, who was favourite to win and she got croup, so she had to stay home! This competition just blew wide open, folks!
Phoebe: Ohh! You made up!
Phoebe: Excuse me. Excuse me! (Mrs. Bukart stops singing) Thanks. Um, clearly this is a very, very hard time for you. Um, but, um, we provided a service, and we deserve to be paid because you ate that service, and, um, we are not leaving here until we're paid every penny. 'Cause you know what, lady? We're part time caterers, and we have no place else to go.
Phoebe: I know. Use it.
Phoebe: Oh, I took Larry there to eat but it was all violated. So we shut it down!
Phoebe: Ohh, get a room.
PHOEBE: Oooh, so so so, did you read the book?
Phoebe: On the touchy.
KEVIN: All right. It's no big deal. BILL: So, she has a boyfriend. What is your situation? RACHEL: Oh, well, it's complicated. I don't actually have a boyfriend.� But um. . . BILL: Then, can I have your number? RACHEL: (pause) I'm sorry, no. BILL: Okay. (They start to walk away.) RACHEL: Oh sure.� (She pulls a business card from her purse and writes on it.) PHOEBE: (Reading the card.) Oh my God, you're giving your real number. BILL: Okay, thanks. I'll give you a call later tonight. RACHEL: Great. BILL: Bye PHOEBE: Bye. (The guys leave.) Wow. So, that's great. You, Bill, Ross, and Emma are going to be so happy together. What were you thinking?
Phoebe: Oh, my new Mom, who-whos a big, fat abandoner! (starts to go upstairs)
Phoebe: Thank you. (To Gunther, who's standing there frozen) Okay, go! Go! Go! (He runs off.) (To Larry) Now, if after dinner you still really need to bust someone, I know a hot dog vendor who picks his nose.
Phoebe: Um, the off-Broadway play people said 'You were pretty but dumb.'
Phoebe: I brought you my old maternity clothes! (Sets a bag on the counter.)
Phoebe: You apologize to the tree right now or I am calling for backup. (The woman calls her bluff.) (Screaming at no one in particular) Backup! Backup!!
Phoebe: Ooh, uh (She grabs her coat and runs out.)
Phoebe: What time? Maybe we can share a cab!
Phoebe: So what do you guys want for an engagement present?