words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are hosting a New Year's party. So the place is crowded and in a shameless promotion for NBC they're watching Jay Leno's coverage of New Year's from Time Square.]
Joey: Ross! Ross! Ross, listen! Who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Rachel or Phoebe?
Ross: Oh well, since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.
Rachel: What?!
Rachel: So?
Rachel: Oh, good point.
(And with that everyone starts playing tonsil hockey. Chandler with Monica, Ross with Phoebe, and Joey with Rachel.)
Rachel: (To Joey) Happy New Year, Joey!
(Rachel slowly walks away.)
Rachel: But your divorce isn't even final yet.
Rachel: Op, look! Claire forgot her glasses! And she's gonna be really needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend, who, I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.
Rachel: I don't gossip!
Rachel: Well, maybe sometimes I find out things or I hear something and I pass that information on y'know kinda like a public service, it doesn't mean I'm a gossip. I mean, would you call Ted Kopel a gossip?
Rachel: What? They were like this!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering with Rachel.]
Phoebe: Hey everybody, Rachel was so good today. She didn't gossip at all.
Rachel: I didnt! Even when I found out umm, all right, well let's just say I found something out something about someone and let's just say she's gonna keep it. (Goes into her room.)
Rachel: I think they're very nice.
Rachel: Awful, absolutely awful. (Plus other negative comments from Phoebe and Monica.)
Rachel: (entering, singing) "Baddest man in the whole damn town."
(Rachel looks shocked, gets over it, notices she's alone, and picks up the phone. The last part of which is something she shouldn't have done, because the phone is already in use. By Monica, and now Rachel can hear every word.)
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Chandler: (on phone) Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname? (Rachel is absolutely stunned, she opens her mouth in absolute amazement.)
Rachel: Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)
Rachel: (entering) Joey, do you have a minute?
Rachel: Oh, Joey, I have such a problem!
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Joey, I have got to tell you something!
Rachel: Oh my God, it's so huge, but you just have to promise me that you cannot tell anyone.
Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, you do want to know! This is unbelievable!
Rachel: What? What secrets? You know secrets? What are they?
Rachel: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone (Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)
Rachel: That really is something; that's really cool.
Rachel: Good luck, honey!
Phoebe: Bye! (She exits, leaving Rachel and Joey alone.)
Rachel: Hey, uh, Joey?
Rachel: Remember that big thing I was gonna tell you about?
Joey: Oh, no! (Starts that screaming thing again. Rachel stops him by pulling his fingers out of his ears.)
Rachel: I'm not gonna tell you, but if you found out on your own, that would be okay and then we could talk about it. Right?
Rachel: (quietly) Yeah. Well. (Pause.) Hey uh Joe, would mind going over to Chandler's bedroom and get that book back that he borrowed from me?
Rachel: Yeah!
Rachel: Do you know something?
Rachel: I might know something too.
Rachel: Oh no, I can't tell you until you tell me what you know.
Rachel: Well then I can't tell you what I know.
Rachel: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know! (Note: Kudos to Ms. Aniston on the delivery of that line. She said it very quickly and didn't screw up a word. Try it yourself, it ain't that easy.)
Rachel: AND YOU KNOW!!!
Rachel: Chandler and Monica?!! Oh, this is unbelievable!! How long have you known?
Joey and Rachel: Hey!
Rachel: Ohhh, yeah, me too.
Rachel: Yeah, well that's how mad I am!!
Rachel: Oh I know, my God, this is sothis rice is soI am so good.
Rachel: (entering) Hi!
Rachel: That's not Ross!
Rachel: 'Kay. (Pause.) Congratulations on your new job. (She goes and hugs Monica and is almost in tears.)
RACHEL: Not uh, not to my recollection.
Rachel: I can't watch. It's like firing Elmo. (Ross walks to the couch where Sandy sits)
Rachel: And all these people actually died?
Rachel: All right, cut, lets pick again, pick again.
Rachel: Yes, Joanna really has been an incredible mentor to me.
Joanna: Oh, Rachel, (pause) actually, y'know what, forget it.
Ross: (To Rachel) Yeah, I still don't know. (To the salesman who is hovering nearby) I'm sorry I just wanna make sure that I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says, "Kids welcome here." But that also says, (In a sexy voice) "Come here to me!"
Rachel: Oh, Ross
(Door buzzer goes off. Rachel answers it.)
Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.
Rachel: No, God! Please, let me! (Runs out.)
Paul: (entering) Here you go honey! (Rachel kicks Ross back under the couch.)
Rachel: I know.
Rachel: No! Wait! Wait-wait! Ross, please!
Rachel: Okay! (Grabs a knife and cuts it in half.) All right, pick a half.
Rachel: I know that too.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: Yeah, it's in there. (Points to the bathroom.)
Rachel: Oh no Ross! This is not good, we have to talk about this Joey thing. Please sit. (He sits) You have got to get over this Joey thing, okay? I never really wanted to marry Joey, okay?
Rachel: Its not Christmas!
Rachel: Uh-huh!
Rachel: Ohh! This is so exciting! Oh God (Gasps and starts to sing) Come and knock on my door
Joshua: Wow! Uhh, Rachel uhh, youre a real special lady, but my divorce isnt final yet and, and, and weve been on four days, so Im thinking "No, but thanks."
Rachel: So Mon, when are we gonna meet this new secret waiter man?
Rachel: Thank God. Food. (She goes to answer the door.)
Rachel: Hey!
Rachel: I want the little round waffles.
Rachel: Arghhhh!!!!!!
Rachel: Monica, number one, I dont think Ben understands the concept of bribery, and number two, I... (Joey starts laughing in the background) (to Joey) What?!
(They walk to the table, but Rachel suddenly gasps. Sitting there is mr Zellner, her boss from her current job at Ralph Lauren.)
Rachel: You guys! You guys!
Rachel: No, its all right. I got nice boobs. (Phoebe and Monica nod there heads in agreement.)
Rachel: Oh! Well, um.. (Grabs his forehand) You've got plugs!
Rachel: Hey, yknow what? Youre the one who wants to make this big change and move in with Chandler! You should be the one to go! Why should I have to leave?!
Rachel: Yeah!
RACHEL: Nobody does honey.
Rachel: Really?
Rachel: Oh my God, honey, I'm so sorry!
Rachel: 'Cause I don't need your stupid ship.
Amy: Wait, this is important! Can Ella wait? (Rachel goes to Emma)
Rachel: Hi!
Rachel: (shocked) What?
Ross: (To Rachel, standing by her feet) I dont know why you cant admit that you need me.
Rachel: And stop saying that! I hate that!
Rachel: All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!
Rachel: What?!
Rachel: Okay. Okay.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there.]
Rachel: I can't kiss anyone.
Rachel: (entering) Hi!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is there and is getting ready to direct a bunch of strippers, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe on what to do in the upcoming orgy of lesbian lust. Yes, its a dream sequence, this isnt cable.]
Rachel: Ross, I
Joey: RACHEL PLEASE!!! JUST HAVE DINNER WITH US!!!
RACHEL: OK, Phoebs. But what about you?
Ross: Well y'know cause Rachel and I used to go out.
Ross: Y'know what? Uh, Rachel is here! (Rachel stops.)
Rachel: All right I know, I know how it looks Pheebs, but Im telling you
Big Nosed Rachel: Oh totally, totally. Y'know it's not that big of deal, we already kinda did it once y'know.
Rachel: (not seeing Ross) Whats your favourite thing about summertime?
RACHEL: How have you never been on Oprah?
Ross: (to Rachel) I-Im sorry Rach, I didnt know. Are you gonna be okay?
Rachel: Thank you. (To Monica) Mon?
Rachel: Since when do take naps in that position. Oh God Monica, tell me you were waiting for a guy! Please tell me you were waiting for a guy!
Rachel: How's Ross doing? Y'know since all the Emily stuff.
Rachel: Wherever I go. Come on you and me, we'll-we'll start a new group, we're the best ones.
Rachel: Thank you. (She goes to take off her make-up and screams in pain) Oww!!!! God!
Rachel: Ohh, great!
RACHEL: Now just how big of a star is Marcel?
Rachel: Yeah.
Rachel: Yeah but, you dont, you dont, you dont want to try to much too fast. Yknow? I mean, you do remember what happened to the little girl that tried to much too fast dont you?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are watching TV as Joey enters.]
Rachel: It's just physical and I have it totally under control! Ok? It's just, when I see them together, sometimes I just get a little jealous!
Rachel: Exactly.
Rachel: Ohhh.(she rhythmically taps her hands on the magazine on her lap.)
RACHEL: [entering hurriedly] Did I miss it? Did I miss it?
Rachel: Yeah, but it was different with him today! And he wasn't, like, Orthodontist Guy, y'know? I mean, we had fun! Is there anything wrong with that?
Rachel: Okay. (Closes the door.) Walked right into that one didn't he?
Rachel: Yeah, great, you betcha!
(Rachel opens it. Inside is the money she needed.)
Rachel: Ball? There is no ball.
Rachel: Oh honey, but it is just about
Rachel: Umm, honey, look he just came over to....
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are there.]
(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)
Ross: Umm (Rachel blows her nose.)
Rachel: What?!
Rachel: No, no Phoebe no, I was...no. You know what, I was, I was actually just checking to, see, if I could run. And I can!
Rachel: I just y'know, I didnt expect him to be this happy so soon. Ufff. Ooo-ooh! (sits down on the curb)
Ross: (seeing the thumbs up) Ahhhh!! (Hugs Rachel tighter.)
Rachel: Yeah! Y'know, ever since I ran out on Barry at the wedding, I have wondered whether I made the right choice. And now I know.
Rachel: Oh, please, Ross it was so obvious! It was like you were marking your territory. I mean you might have well have just come in and peed all around my desk!
RACHEL: Agh, it was the graduation from hell.
Rachel: Well guys tend to get naked before they're gonna have sex.
Mr. Zelner: Umm, no. Thanks, but Ill give these to Betty. (Rachel glances at Tag to say, "See?") So I read your evaluation of Tag, or to use his full name, Tag Sweetcheeks Jones. Is something going on with you two?
Rachel: Shoot, shoot, this is never gonna work! He's right there!