words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are hosting a New Year's party. So the place is crowded and in a shameless promotion for NBC they're watching Jay Leno's coverage of New Year's from Time Square.]
Joey: Ross! Ross! Ross, listen! Who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Rachel or Phoebe?
Ross: Oh well, since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.
Rachel: What?!
Rachel: So?
Rachel: Oh, good point.
(And with that everyone starts playing tonsil hockey. Chandler with Monica, Ross with Phoebe, and Joey with Rachel.)
Rachel: (To Joey) Happy New Year, Joey!
(Rachel slowly walks away.)
Rachel: But your divorce isn't even final yet.
Rachel: Op, look! Claire forgot her glasses! And she's gonna be really needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend, who, I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.
Rachel: I don't gossip!
Rachel: Well, maybe sometimes I find out things or I hear something and I pass that information on y'know kinda like a public service, it doesn't mean I'm a gossip. I mean, would you call Ted Kopel a gossip?
Rachel: What? They were like this!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering with Rachel.]
Phoebe: Hey everybody, Rachel was so good today. She didn't gossip at all.
Rachel: I didnt! Even when I found out umm, all right, well let's just say I found something out something about someone and let's just say she's gonna keep it. (Goes into her room.)
Rachel: I think they're very nice.
Rachel: Awful, absolutely awful. (Plus other negative comments from Phoebe and Monica.)
Rachel: (entering, singing) "Baddest man in the whole damn town."
(Rachel looks shocked, gets over it, notices she's alone, and picks up the phone. The last part of which is something she shouldn't have done, because the phone is already in use. By Monica, and now Rachel can hear every word.)
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Chandler: (on phone) Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname? (Rachel is absolutely stunned, she opens her mouth in absolute amazement.)
Rachel: Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)
Rachel: (entering) Joey, do you have a minute?
Rachel: Oh, Joey, I have such a problem!
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Joey, I have got to tell you something!
Rachel: Oh my God, it's so huge, but you just have to promise me that you cannot tell anyone.
Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, you do want to know! This is unbelievable!
Rachel: What? What secrets? You know secrets? What are they?
Rachel: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone (Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)
Rachel: That really is something; that's really cool.
Rachel: Good luck, honey!
Phoebe: Bye! (She exits, leaving Rachel and Joey alone.)
Rachel: Hey, uh, Joey?
Rachel: Remember that big thing I was gonna tell you about?
Joey: Oh, no! (Starts that screaming thing again. Rachel stops him by pulling his fingers out of his ears.)
Rachel: I'm not gonna tell you, but if you found out on your own, that would be okay and then we could talk about it. Right?
Rachel: (quietly) Yeah. Well. (Pause.) Hey uh Joe, would mind going over to Chandler's bedroom and get that book back that he borrowed from me?
Rachel: Yeah!
Rachel: Do you know something?
Rachel: I might know something too.
Rachel: Oh no, I can't tell you until you tell me what you know.
Rachel: Well then I can't tell you what I know.
Rachel: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know! (Note: Kudos to Ms. Aniston on the delivery of that line. She said it very quickly and didn't screw up a word. Try it yourself, it ain't that easy.)
Rachel: AND YOU KNOW!!!
Rachel: Chandler and Monica?!! Oh, this is unbelievable!! How long have you known?
Joey and Rachel: Hey!
Rachel: Ohhh, yeah, me too.
Rachel: (giggles and cant look at him) Hi!
Phoebe: Okay. (Phoebe and Rachel join Monica and Chandler on the altar.) Hey Mon, why did you tell the guys you werent pregnant?
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry, did my back hurt your knife?
Ross: Ah, Rachel I guess.
Rachel: Yeah. (Laughs nervously)
Rachel: I forgot... I am supposed to pick up a friend at the airport. I am so sorry! I'm so... if you want to stay, and finish your drinks, please do.... (gives him her drink) I meanI'm sorry. I-I-I gotta go. I'm sorry.
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, Emma continues to cry.]
Rachel: Yeah, I guess. I-I I mean, do-do you think were ever gonna have that?
Rachel: Here you go. (Hands Emma to Phoebe)
Rachel: I have to go to the bathroom. (Goes to the bathroom)
Rachel: Youre never leaving the apartment!
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, Ross enters.]
Rachel: You know what I really really want?
Rachel: I mean I got news for you mister, Emma? Not easy.
Rachel: Okay, here we go. I'm Jabba's prisoner, and you have a really weird look on your face. What? Honey, what is it? Did I get it wrong? Did I get the hair wrong? What? Did you just picture it differently? What? What?
Rachel: No its really okay Monica!
[And with that, we go into another set of clips, this time from Rachels point of view.]
(Ross and Rachel enter)
Rachel: What?!
Rachel: Hi!
Rachel: (To Monica) Do you have to go?
Ross: Rachel, I can see you dialing! I don't understand why...
Rachel: Ah! You know what honey guys are just different, they like things that we can't understand, you know I once dated this guy who wanted to pretend he was an archeologist and I was a naughty cave woman that he unfroze from a block of ice.
Rachel: Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but um, if something were to happen to Ross or to myself <Ross and Rachel knock on wood> um you wouldn't get the baby.
Rachel: Dr. Wiener.
Rachel: (on tape) Oh, I remember how we almost. Do you think we wouldve gone through with it? Yknow, if we hadnt gotten caught. Do you think we wouldve done it?
Rachel: (Grabs the phone and stars dialing) (On phone) (In a high pitch voice) Wiener, Wiener (In a low pitch voice) Wiener, Wiener!!!
Rachel: Oh you know what, you sound just like his wife!
Joey: Huh, if I had to guess I'd say Rachel is putting on the bubble wrap and Phoebe is doing the punching.
Rachel: My boss wants to buy my baby!
Ross: (Comes back into the living room) Rachel!!!
Rachel: You get your messages!
Rachel: Why? What was it?
Rachel: Yes, of course there is! Okay? I'm not insane!
Rachel: Ross said he died.
Rachel: Chandler, that's not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And you've just gotten her one great present? I mean that's just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why?
Phoebe: Well alright, looks like you guys have got it under control so Im just gonna go. (She gets up and Rachel looks at her, upset, and Monica just stares.) No! Really? Misery really does love company. All right! (She sits back down.)
[Cut to Joey and Rachel approaching table one.]
Rachel: (with the sticks in her hands) Um... (She goes to the tarantula-cage and puts the sticks into it) Done!
Rachel: I don't wanna stand in the way of true love or anything, but I think a cantaloupe might hurt less.
Rachel: Joey, I think everyone saw the wine come out of your nose.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with her boyfriend Roger, talking to Rachel and Monica.]
Rachel: So hot I cried myself to sleep last night. (Joey and Chandler clap their hands)
(Ross and Rachel enter with Emma.)
Rachel: Well actually...
RACHEL: No, I know, they're from me. Look you guys this is not good. I mean we have enough trouble with guys stealing our wind without taking it from each other.
[Scene: Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe pulls up in the cab with Rachel and Joey in the back.]
Rachel: Bye honey. (They hug)
Chandler: Well, bye Mon, bye Ross, Rachel, bye Emma!
Rachel: Oh yeah. Right. So now, aredo you, do you still do music?
Rachel: Thanks. (Crying) God this is so stupid! (Pause) How could I be upset over something I never had? Its negative?
Phoebe: I know, I just want to bite his bottom lip. (Rachel looks at her) But I won't.
Rachel: Hello?! I still dont know what the hell Im doing!
Rachel: (regretful) I'm sorry, too! (they look at each other sadly, then she recollects, and puts her hands over her eyes) OH GOD! I shouldn't have said anything!
Rachel: Hello
Rachel: I'm on the phone! (On the phone) Dr. Wiener? (Ross and Rachel walk away)
(Barry finds it draped on a cupboard and gives it to Rachel, they kiss as Bobby enters.)
Rachel: (to Chandler) You, you, you said he liked me. (Ross and Julie enter) You, you slowpokes!
Rachel: Look Amy, it got a little of control..Um.. and I'm sorry. You're my sister and uh.. if it really means that much to you..
Rachel: Nooooooooo!
Rachel: well watching sharks? Are you sure that's what he was doing?
Rachel: (sits down) Hi
Rachel: what, how do we know, we never slept with you.
Rachel: Ugh, I knew it! Oh I cannot believe those two!
Rachel: Ross, I am a human doodle!!
Rachel: You know what Im going to do? Im going to get in my sweats, and eat this in bed! (exits)
Phoebe: No! No, that you and Rachel are engaged!
Rachel: Oh thank god, if Phoebe�s going, can we please take Emma home?
<Ross and Rachel pause and ponder this>
Rachel: So you know, I I handed in that marketing report and I never got to hear what you thought.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting Monica ready for her date. The guys are also there. The door buzzes.]
Paul: Elizabeth, what are you doing here?! (Motions that he brought Rachel here to be alone with her.)
Rachel: Honey, you're taking this the wrong way. We think you're going to be a wonderful parent. It's just.. you're more the fun parent.
Rachel: Hey! Ross, listen can you come to a charity event tonight?
Rachel: Oh, Joey, you know what, no-one is gonna be able to tell.
Rachel: Well, sure, but they might think its kinda weird considering I dont work there anymore.
Phoebe: Oh, Rachel!
Rachel: Um, Mon, Chandler�s not here.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Ross is still doing his list. Rachel and Joey are feeding the dog as the phone rings.]
Rachel: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I wish my date hadn't shown up.
Rachel: (interrupting her) Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Im sorry, semi-private? We (Laughs), we asked for a private room.
[Scene: The Delivery Room, Rachel is in bed as Joey enters.]
Rachel: (flinches) Ross! Come on! That's all right! Fine--Okay, I have a weird thing about my eye. Can we not talk about it please?
Monica: Yeah, you were, but you decided to make salmon because you had some left over at the restaurant. And then you realised if you (Points at Rachel) bitched about it, then you (Points to herself) would stop cooking, and you (Points at Rachel) would have to make your famous baked potato and Diet Coke.
Rachel: Yes! Shes gonna help us take care of the baby! Woo-hoo. (Sees that Ross isnt happy.)
Rachel: Uch.
Rachel: Ross, whats the big deal? So I kissed the guy!
Rachel: What about (?) Monica.
Rachel: She is?
[Cut to Joey and Rachels, Joey enters and heads for his bedroom. He pushes open the door to find the duck.]
Rachel: Oh they are nice. We-we custom-make tuxedos for celebrities and then when theyre done with them they just send em back.
Ross: Rachel, I know that you can. And you should.
Rachel: What � Oh! (points inside)
Rachel: You need to learn some new slang.
Rachel: I was just going to say that I left my keys.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are eating spaghetti in the living room while watching TV and Rachel drops some on the floor.]
Phoebe: Rachel, its okay. You dont have to do this. I believe you. All right? Okay, if-if you say that you kissed Melissa, then you kissed Melissa.
Rachel: No. Uch.
[Scene: Outside Ross and Rachel�s.]
-Cut to Rachel (Phone ringing)