words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are hosting a New Year's party. So the place is crowded and in a shameless promotion for NBC they're watching Jay Leno's coverage of New Year's from Time Square.]
Joey: Ross! Ross! Ross, listen! Who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Rachel or Phoebe?
Ross: Oh well, since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.
Rachel: What?!
Rachel: So?
Rachel: Oh, good point.
(And with that everyone starts playing tonsil hockey. Chandler with Monica, Ross with Phoebe, and Joey with Rachel.)
Rachel: (To Joey) Happy New Year, Joey!
(Rachel slowly walks away.)
Rachel: But your divorce isn't even final yet.
Rachel: Op, look! Claire forgot her glasses! And she's gonna be really needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend, who, I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.
Rachel: I don't gossip!
Rachel: Well, maybe sometimes I find out things or I hear something and I pass that information on y'know kinda like a public service, it doesn't mean I'm a gossip. I mean, would you call Ted Kopel a gossip?
Rachel: What? They were like this!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering with Rachel.]
Phoebe: Hey everybody, Rachel was so good today. She didn't gossip at all.
Rachel: I didnt! Even when I found out umm, all right, well let's just say I found something out something about someone and let's just say she's gonna keep it. (Goes into her room.)
Rachel: I think they're very nice.
Rachel: Awful, absolutely awful. (Plus other negative comments from Phoebe and Monica.)
Rachel: (entering, singing) "Baddest man in the whole damn town."
(Rachel looks shocked, gets over it, notices she's alone, and picks up the phone. The last part of which is something she shouldn't have done, because the phone is already in use. By Monica, and now Rachel can hear every word.)
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Chandler: (on phone) Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname? (Rachel is absolutely stunned, she opens her mouth in absolute amazement.)
Rachel: Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)
Rachel: (entering) Joey, do you have a minute?
Rachel: Oh, Joey, I have such a problem!
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Joey, I have got to tell you something!
Rachel: Oh my God, it's so huge, but you just have to promise me that you cannot tell anyone.
Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, you do want to know! This is unbelievable!
Rachel: What? What secrets? You know secrets? What are they?
Rachel: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone (Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)
Rachel: That really is something; that's really cool.
Rachel: Good luck, honey!
Phoebe: Bye! (She exits, leaving Rachel and Joey alone.)
Rachel: Hey, uh, Joey?
Rachel: Remember that big thing I was gonna tell you about?
Joey: Oh, no! (Starts that screaming thing again. Rachel stops him by pulling his fingers out of his ears.)
Rachel: I'm not gonna tell you, but if you found out on your own, that would be okay and then we could talk about it. Right?
Rachel: (quietly) Yeah. Well. (Pause.) Hey uh Joe, would mind going over to Chandler's bedroom and get that book back that he borrowed from me?
Rachel: Yeah!
Rachel: Do you know something?
Rachel: I might know something too.
Rachel: Oh no, I can't tell you until you tell me what you know.
Rachel: Well then I can't tell you what I know.
Rachel: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know! (Note: Kudos to Ms. Aniston on the delivery of that line. She said it very quickly and didn't screw up a word. Try it yourself, it ain't that easy.)
Rachel: AND YOU KNOW!!!
Rachel: Chandler and Monica?!! Oh, this is unbelievable!! How long have you known?
Joey and Rachel: Hey!
Rachel: Ohhh, yeah, me too.
Joey: Oh sorry, I hear divorce I immediately go to Ross. (To Rachel) Who-whos Barry and Mindy?
Rachel: What-what-what are you gonna do?
Rachel: How about you guys? (Points to Phoebe and Joey.)
Rachel: Or Carol! But theyre funny to kids and who is it hurting?!
Rachel: Yeah uh, y'know what uh, let's skip it.
Rachel: Let me finish.
Rachel: Mon, honey, I gotta ask you something.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are trying to throw cards into a vase.]
Rachel: Well, we were paying for our stuff and this saleswoman just started flirting with him.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering]
Rachel: It's not a baby! It's a cat!
Rachel: I can't believe you would say that!
Ross: (To Rachel) So umm, where are the other guys?
Rachel: Come on Joey!!!
Rachel: What?
Rachel: Are they in love?
Rachel: I need some milk.
Rachel: No, the other thing. I really think its great they work things out.
(Rachel and Chandler slide into position.)
Rachel: I think, if it was a little colder in here I could see your nipples through that sweater.
Rachel: What? YetiI mean Danny?
Rachel: (To Monica) Hey!
Rachel: What's up?!
Ross: Uh Dad, Emmas in the nursery. Ill take you now. If you want, but (To Rachel) I really want to talk to you.
Rachel: Nothing! You go!
Rachel: (starting to cry) Okay, Im sorry. (Runs out still carrying the pizza box.)
(Rachel approaches and we see the fruits of Ross's evil plan. He has drawn a moustache and beard on Rachel. The flight attendant just ignores it.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at a table and Phoebe is on the couch. Chandler and Monica can be seen outside, shes lecturing him, and pushes him inside. He then nods to Rachel, and is obviously counting off the seconds in his head and then Monica makes a grand enterance.]
Rachel: Umm, you-you and your sister seem to have umm, a very special bond, and
Rachel: Well, Ill be waiting for you, just come up when youre done.
Monica: Joey hes not even thinking about going after Rachel!
Rachel: All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie.
Rachel: There he is!
Big Nosed Rachel: Ugh! I cannot believe Chip dumped me for that slut Nancy Branson. I am never going out with him again. I don't care how much he begs!
Rachel: Hey, can I borrow the key to your house so I can run across the street and make a copy?
Rachel: Thank you. (Gets up) Now are you sure? Because once I make a copy, theres no turning back.
Rachel: Yeah! No that's what I was thinking.
Rachel: Ross! Janice?!
Ross: Hello! Can I get you anything? Huh? Lens cleaner? Your battery okay? (Rachel bursts in carrying two boxes and Ross jumps up.) Rachel!
Rachel: What?!
Rachel: Well, it's my cat.
Rachel: Oh-ow!
Rachel: Sure! Why?
Ross: The game, Rachel, the game. You owe us money for the game.
Rachel: Yeah!
Rachel: Hey! Hi!
Monica: (entering) Joey?! Oh my God, Rachel!
Rachel: Okay.
Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.
Rachel: All right. (She starts to take off her robe) Fine.
Rachel: No!! No! Hes not married, or involved, with anyone!
Rachel: Ohhh! That is soo sweet! (gets up to get herself a cup of coffee)
Monica: All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7 7.. 7 7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7 (mouths 7)! (They both lean back on the couch satisfied.)
Rachel: Assistant buyer. Oh! I would be shopping... for a living!
Rachel: (entering) I didnt ask you to do it!
Chandler: (entering with Rachel) Im telling ya, Joannas got it all wrong. Okay? All I said was, This was fun. Lets do it again sometime. Ill give you a call.
Rachel: What? Oh my God! I'm so sorry. Joey? Are you ok?
(Rachel picks up a newspaper and starts beating him with it.)
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: Seriously, I dont Rachels gonna think its a good idea.
Rachel: (grabs Chandler by the shirt) All right, listen, smirky. If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon, I would be on a plane watching a woman do this (makes a gesture like a stewardess pointing out exits) right now. But I'm not.
Rachel: Well maybe, maybe she's with us right now?
Joey: Yeah well, maybe you should go back! Okay? Rachel moves in, and before you know it youre right where you dont want to be! Back together!
(Rachel goes into her room and closes the door. Which allows Monica to let Chandler out of her room.)
Rachel: Ugh, Monica, I know about you and Chandler.
Rachel: And Chandler, youre gonna have to watch those long showers you take in the morning because you know Raquel cant be late.
RACHEL: Ya know, Dr. Burke kissed me once.
Rachel: Oh yeah! Of course, I mean, shes gonna get over this, yknow? I mean, so you said my name! Yknow you just said it cause you saw me there, if youd have seen a circus freak, you wouldve said, "I take thee circus freak." Yknow, it didnt mean anything, its just a mistake. It didnt mean anything. Right?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are about to read another one of Joey's efforts.]
Rachel: All right, then you owe me $350.
Rachel: What? Hey! No-no-no! This not cool! You don't even know me!
Rachel: Hi sweetie!
Rachel: I mean n-not-not fake at all like most famous people.
Rachel: Why?! Why not?!
Rachel: Okay.
Rachel: You are the official baby crier stopper!
Rachel: Ooh, Pheebs, what are you gonna say? Are you gonna tell him who you are?
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
Monica: Rachel, the cute doctors are here.
RACHEL: OK, listen, I'm sorry about last night and I really want to make it up to you.
Rachel: Honey, listen, y'know what? The nurse said the doctor is wonderful.
Rachel: Well, we were walking down the street and we saw that van that you guys used for catering and we realised
Chandler: Hey, is Rachel here?
(Rachel enters.)
Rachel: Ohh, good.
Joey: (thinking) All right. Its a new day. All that stuff about Rachel, you dont feel that now. It was crazy! Youre fine. Youre better than fine! You are, as your friend Tony would say, Grrrreat! Everythings normal! Shes just your friend Rachel! Your friend Rachel. Your friend! Rachel.
Monica: As a thank you, Rachel and I will kiss for one minute.
Rachel: Oh, I called them. And when they ask me what I saw, I can be very generous (Holds her hands far apart) or very (In a high pitched voice) stingy.
Rachel: Hey, don't listen to them. I think it's sexy.
Rachel: All right, well the place was closed. Ill just copy it later.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel at counter, Phoebe, Chandler, and Fun Bobby at the couch.]
Rachel: What?! Why? Joey you were so ready for it!
Rachel: Oh, I went to have pizza. With Danny.
Joey: Or not. Uh, Rach, why dont you just move in with me? (Rachel sighs.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering and Rachel is still planning.]
[Scene: The street outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are talking and walking.]
Rachel: Okay. Well thats pretty much all that we haveOh! Oh! Have you ever had a virgin margarita? (Holds up a bottle of margarita mix.)
(Both Rachel and Monica walk into their bedrooms, stop, and come back into the living room with confused looks on their faces.)
Rachel: What?!
Rachel: I KNOW!! I KNOW!! I KNOW!