words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is filing her nails as Ross and Ben enter.]
Rachel: Hi! Hi Ben!
Rachel: Oh, yeah go ahead.
Rachel: No. No.
Rachel: Ben, its Rachel! (He closes the door.) But whatever.
Rachel: Awww, just like his daddy.
Rachel: What-what about Monica?
Rachel: (nervous) So it would just be, me alone?
Rachel: Huh umm
Rachel: Well thatyknow its just uh, Ive never done that before. Me and him alone.
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, what do I, what do I do with him?
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Okay. (Ben enters) Ben? Come here. All right, Im gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour. Okay? Are you gonna be okay?
Rachel: Yeah I think so.
Ross: (To Rachel) I wasnt talking to you.
Rachel: Bye. (Ross exits.) Ahhh (Silence) So this is fun, huh?
Rachel: Okay. Uh, want something-want something to drink?
Rachel: Uh great! How do you feel about Diet Coke?
Rachel: Okay. Well thats pretty much all that we haveOh! Oh! Have you ever had a virgin margarita? (Holds up a bottle of margarita mix.)
Rachel: Water it is.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.]
Rachel: Ben yknow when uh, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. Cause I was, I was your daddys girlfriend.
Rachel: No, Im not.
Rachel: Hey! We were not on aOkay. Thats fine! Fine. Yknow what Ben? One day when you are a lot older I am going to tell you that entire story over a pitcher of real margaritas, okay?
Rachel: (checks her watch) Fifty-two minutes. (Pause) So no-no brothers and sisters, huh? That must be nice. You dont have to share stuff.
Rachel: Oh, youre one of those. But yknow what? I have two sisters of my own and we just-just tortured each other.
Rachel: Well yknow, we would umm, repeat everything the other said, or uh, wed jump out of closets to scare each other, or switch the sugar for the salt so theyd put salt on their cereal.
Rachel: Yeah? You like that one?
Rachel: Im funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, Ive got a ton of these! Umm, oh hearDo you want a good one? Heres a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? (Does so.) And then you say to person, I bet you cant roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, theyre left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face.
Rachel: Yeah, I-I-I-Im funny Ben, but Im not stupid. Okay?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is reading and there is knock on the door which she answers.]
Rachel: Coming.
Rachel: Uh-oh.
Rachel: Oh yeah? Did he pull the old (She is waving her hand up and down her face. Shes thinking about the pencil mark.)
Rachel: Oh that.
Rachel: Oh, come on! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat, you dont think thats just a little funny?!
Rachel: (looking at his mark) Yes.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
Carol: Hey Rachel! (The camera cuts to her face and we see that Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.)
Rachel: Hi!
Rachel: Well yknow I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, "Whats up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?"
Rachel: Okay.
Rachel: Id love that. I would loooove (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...
Ben: (jumping up from behind her chair) Gotcha!! (Rachel jumps up startled.)
Rachel: I found him! (To Ben) Very funny, come here! (She sits down on the coffee table and Ben walks up.) That is exactly why Ive come here to talk to you okay?
Rachel: Yes oh(To Ben)Do I want sugar in my coffee? (Ben nods no.) No, just some milk would be good Carol. Thanks. (To Ben) Okay, do you remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Rachel: Dont do that.
Rachel: Seriously, your dad doesnt like pranks.
Rachel: Oh damnit!
Rachel: No! Dont say that! Dont say that!
Rachel: No dont! Go back to repeating!
Rachel: Oh crap!
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
Rachel: So now what have we agreed?
Rachel: And-and what else?
Rachel: Very good.
Ross: Rachel! What are you doing here?
Rachel: Im just visiting my good friend Carol.
Rachel: Yeah!
Rachel: Carol Lesbian?
Rachel: What line?
Rachel: All right, Im sorry. Im sorry I didnt tell you but you were so mad already!
Rachel: Okay, maybe they are not funny to you
Rachel: Or Carol! But theyre funny to kids and who is it hurting?!
Rachel: That was you?! We heard about you in Junior High! Did you really just shake your fist in the air and shout, "I will be revenged?!"
Rachel: Fine. Fine, but Ill have you know that once I taught him that stuff he called me Fun Aunt Rachel. And I loved being Fun Aunt Rachel but Ill go back to being Boring and Uncomfortable Aunt Rachel if thats what you want!
Rachel: Look he doesnt have any brothers or sisters, somebodys gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I havent taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesnt know anyway!
Rachel: I gotta go! (Runs out.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is in the kitchen as Ross and Ben are entering.]
Rachel: Hey!
Ross: Hey Im sorry to do this to you again but uh, is there any way you can look after Ben for a little bit? I-Ive got this meeting at school. And-and he-he asked for his uh, Fun Aunt Rachel, so
Rachel: Ohhh! Well of course I will watch him! We have fun, dont we Ben? (He nods yes.)
Rachel: Ohh, okay. (Ross has a sign on his back that reads Poop.) WhAh-ha! (Ross stops and turns.) Wait a minute. Uh Ben, I cant do it.
Rachel: I cant let him go out that way, hes got a meeting. (To Ross) Youve got something here on your back.
Rachel: Oh I
Rachel: No! Wait! Come on!
Rachel: No you guys (She walks out into the hallway.)
Ross: I-I-am(Suddenly Ross starts screaming and comes falling down the stairs landing just in front of Rachel.)
Rachel: EHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! My God!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!! (She runs over to him and finds that it was a dummy and that she had been had.)
Ross: Rachel, come on. Give us a chance.
Rachel and Monica: Nooo!
Rachel: Oh!... Oh and Emma, look at your stuffed animals lined up so neatly!
Rachel: I have it, I have it, I have it. Oh, okay, I can't find it, but I remember that I was in seat 32C, because that's my bra-size.
RACHEL: Run Phoebe run.
Rachel: Yeah, umm, no honey.
Rachel: I don't know, I mean, this is just my initial gut feeling... but I'm thinking... oh, I'm thinking it'd be really great.
(Rachel enters.)
Rachel: Honey, this really is an incredible thing to do for them, but there are things to think about.
Rachel: Why aren't you guys at the movie?
Monica: Rachel always cries!
RACHEL: Chandler honey, I'm sorry. Ok, can we watch Joey's show now please? [they turn on the TV]
Rachel: Wow, he's cute, Pheebs! But I thought you just started dating that Kindergarten teacher.
Ross: Hate him? I No, I dont hate him. (Pause) Its just its Rachel, yknow?
Rachel: So Chandler, have you heard about Monica's secret boyfriend?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: Well, they never have any paper in there y'know. So my rule is no tissue, no tuschy. (Phoebe laughs and gets out.) Well, if everybodys going. (She gets out and starts to close the door.)
RACHEL: Well, from me. And I know it's not your big money song, but it's my favorite.
Rachel: I do not know what's wrong with us, I mean, we have kissed before and that's been great! But this time it was leading somewhere and I was very aware of the fact that it was Joey touching me.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are there.]
Rachel: Joey, did you my face cream?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel, Chandler, and Joey are decorating the Christmas tree.]
Rachel: Chandler! (Pause) Is he?
Monica: What?! Ross y'know this isnt even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if youre right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) Its the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next weeks script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like theyre taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) Were not even shootin them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!
Joshua: You okay? (Rachel swallowed it whole and is not hacking like a heavy smoker in the morning.) You all right? (Rachel walks away, coughing.)
Rachel: Just washing the windshield. (She turns on the wipers forcing Ross off of the hood.)
Rachel: (jumping up from reading her magazine) Yeah, right away Mr. Kaplan.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe enters to see Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel tearfully watching TV.]
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachels new job.]
Joey: Well he made Rachel cry!
Rachel: Hey, wait a minute! That is my sock!
Rachel: Really?! The Plaza?!! Oh daddy!! (Hugs him and Phoebe glares at her.) Right. Daddy, I need to talk to you. Please, sit down.
Rachel: Actually, y'know that's not the Thanksgiving I was talking about.
Rachel: No, it wasn't. It was actually the
Rachel: Well, why don't you talk to me about it, maybe I can help.
Rachel: Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm gonna go use Ugly Naked Guy's bathroom. (Does so.)
Rachel: Like what?
Rachel: Oh God. Im sorry about this.
Rachel: I just dont want him to meet anybody until I am over my crushAnd I will get over it. Its-its not like I love him, its just physical! ButI mean I get crushes like this all the time! I mean hell, I had a crush on you when I first met ya!
[Scene: The Hospital, Phoebe is arriving with Ross, Joey, and Rachel in tow.]
Rachel: Okay, but Pheebs, Pheebs, Jack gave up a cow, I gave up an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love him-
Rachel: (entering) Hi, guys!
Rachel: Oh yeah! I know.
Rachel: (interrupting) Oh my God! My dog died!
Rachel: (To Phoebe) Sorry I'm late, but I left late.
[Rachel and Phoebe enter]
Rachel: It's Le Poo.
Rachel: What's going on?
RACHEL: I had a wedding.
Rachel: What?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is trying to tell Rachel about Emily's ultimatum again.]
Rachel: Oh yeah! (Turns to face him.)
Rachel: Do you still have that, um, Navy uniform?
Rachel: Sorry. Sorry.
CHANDLER: [running out of his apartment after a girl] Ok, ok, you can be shirts and I'll be skins. I'll be skins. [sits down beside Rachel] Hey, how you holdin' up there, tiger? Oh, sorry, when my parents were getting divorced I got a lot of tigers. Got a lot of champs, chiefs, sports, I even got a governor.
Rachel: Well, now, how come you guys have never played poker with us?
Rachel: So I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out. Its just so frustrating!
Rachel: Hi!
Rachel: Okay, what's up?
Rachel: Yeah?
Ross: (seeing the thumbs up) Ahhhh!! (Hugs Rachel tighter.)
Rachel: That's crazy! You can't do that! What are you going to tell her? (Pause) (Realizes) Oh God. Ohh, you already agreed to this, haven't you?
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is at the counter eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes.]
Rachel: Yeah, I told you to give Emily whatever she wants.
Rachel: Oh hi!
Rachel: Storming out!
Rachel: Yeah, well that's how mad I am!!
Rachel: Oh I know, my God, this is sothis rice is soI am so good.
Rachel: (entering) Hi!
Rachel: That's not Ross!
Rachel: 'Kay. (Pause.) Congratulations on your new job. (She goes and hugs Monica and is almost in tears.)
RACHEL: Not uh, not to my recollection.
Rachel: I can't watch. It's like firing Elmo. (Ross walks to the couch where Sandy sits)
Rachel: And all these people actually died?
Rachel: All right, cut, lets pick again, pick again.
Rachel: Yes, Joanna really has been an incredible mentor to me.
Joanna: Oh, Rachel, (pause) actually, y'know what, forget it.
Ross: (To Rachel) Yeah, I still don't know. (To the salesman who is hovering nearby) I'm sorry I just wanna make sure that I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says, "Kids welcome here." But that also says, (In a sexy voice) "Come here to me!"
Rachel: Oh, Ross
(Door buzzer goes off. Rachel answers it.)
Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.
Rachel: No, God! Please, let me! (Runs out.)
Paul: (entering) Here you go honey! (Rachel kicks Ross back under the couch.)
Rachel: I know.
Rachel: No! Wait! Wait-wait! Ross, please!
Rachel: Okay! (Grabs a knife and cuts it in half.) All right, pick a half.
Rachel: I know that too.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: Yeah, it's in there. (Points to the bathroom.)
Rachel: Oh no Ross! This is not good, we have to talk about this Joey thing. Please sit. (He sits) You have got to get over this Joey thing, okay? I never really wanted to marry Joey, okay?
Rachel: Its not Christmas!
Rachel: Uh-huh!
Rachel: Ohh! This is so exciting! Oh God (Gasps and starts to sing) Come and knock on my door
Joshua: Wow! Uhh, Rachel uhh, youre a real special lady, but my divorce isnt final yet and, and, and weve been on four days, so Im thinking "No, but thanks."
Rachel: So Mon, when are we gonna meet this new secret waiter man?
Rachel: Thank God. Food. (She goes to answer the door.)
Rachel: Hey!
Rachel: I want the little round waffles.
Rachel: Arghhhh!!!!!!