words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is talking to a customer.]
Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy shakes his head) Okay.
Monica: Mail call, Rachel Green, bunk seven.
Rachel: Thank you. (Examines it) Oh, cool! Free sample of coffee!
Rachel: Oh. Right. ...Oh great.
Rachel: Country club newsletter. My mother sends me the engagement notices for 'inspiration.' Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!
Rachel: Barry who I almost.
Rachel: Mindy, my maid of. Oh!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are eating Chinese.]
Ross: Marcel. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Good boy. Good boy. C'mere, gimme the rice. (Marcel brings the rice) Thank you, good boy. Well, I see he's finally mastered the difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'. (Rachel ignores him) 'Bring me the' and- Rach?
Rachel: What?
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I gave Barry up, right? I should be happy for them! I am, I'm happy for them.
Rachel: No. Oh, oh, I guess it would be different if I were- with somebody.
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat. With Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it was just this raw, animal, sexual...
Rachel: Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have both? Y'know? Someone who's like, who's like your best friend, but then also can make your toes curl?
Rachel: Hi, how was the movie?
Rachel: (To Marcel) And I will see you tomorrow!
Chandler: I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel, they would've happened already?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of Marcel and they are watching a soap opera.]
Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door)
Rachel: I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-
Rachel: I don't know. The left one.
Rachel: Oh. Oh, those little clunky Amish things you think go with everything.
Chandler: Rachel lost Marcel.
Rachel: C'mon, you guys, what're we gonna do, what're we gonna do?
Rachel: Oh, my, God, c'mon, you guys! He's gonna be home any minute! He's gonna kill me!
Rachel: Well, what'm I gonna do? What'm I gonna do?
Rachel: Anybody wanna trade? Oh...
Rachel: (On the phone) Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchian monkey with a white face... (Enter Ross) ...with, with Russian dressing and, and pickles on the side. Okay. Thanks.
Rachel: Great! It went great. Really great. Hey, is that wine?
Rachel: Oh, I would love some. But y'know what? Y'know what? Let's not drink it here. I'm feeling kinda crazy. You wanna go to Newark?
Rachel: Oh God, Ross, I cannot do this.
Rachel: Oh God... Okay. Alright. Alright. Okay. Ross, please don't hate me.
Rachel: Y'know Marcel?
Rachel: Well, I kind of... I kind of lost him.
Rachel: I know, I know, I'm sorry-
Rachel: (Tearfully) Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody looking for him, and I- (Door buzzer goes and she runs to get it) Oh! Who is it?
Rachel: See? I've even called Animal Control!
Rachel: Uh-huh... why... do you not like them?
Rachel: O-okay, now see, you never ever ever told us that...
(A knock on the door. Rachel swiftly opens it)
Rachel: Hi, thanks for coming.
Rachel: Oh, y'know what? That was a complete misunderstanding! (Ross puts his arms around her and they act all sweetness and light)
Rachel: Turned out it was a hat.
Rachel: Cat! What'm I saying? Cat!
Luisa: Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green!
Rachel: Yeah!
Rachel: Luisa? Oh my God! Monica! It's Luisa!
Rachel: Yes!!
Rachel: None.
Luisa: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. (To Rachel) But you? What a bitch!
Rachel: What?!
[Cut to Marcel walking along a hallway. He notices a banana on the floor and picks it up. The hand of an unseen person grabs him and carries him away. Then cut to Ross and Rachel on the street outside.]
Rachel: Marcel?
Rachel: Ross, you don't know that.
Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!
Rachel: Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose.
Ross: Oh, no no no. Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I mean, things just sort of happen around you. I mean, you're off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing, totally oblivious to people's monkeys, or to people's feelings...
Rachel: Ross.
Rachel: Ross.
Rachel: Ross!
Rachel: Then what's with all the bananas?
Rachel: Oh, c'mon, Luisa!
Ross: (To Rachel) You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't've been fat.
Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!
Rachel: Alright. Well then how about I call your supervisor, and I tell her that you shot my friend in the ass with a dart?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]
Rachel: Y'know, with the right pair of pumps, that would be a great little outfit.
Rachel: Oh, Ross, c'mon. It's my fault, I almost lost your...
Rachel: That'd be good.
Ross: Alright. (He goes to get the glasses. Then he hesitates and turns off the main light. Rachel looks round and he acts surprised) The, uh, the neighbours must be vacuuming. (He sits down and starts to pour the wine) Well, so long as we're here and, uh, not on the subject, I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before, and, um, I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um...
Barry: Rachel.
Rachel: Barry?!
Ross and Rachel: Oh!
Ross: (walking up with Rachel and carrying coffee) Hey.
Rachel: Oh, Monica made me send her to my mother's. Apparently babies and weddings don't mix.
RACHEL: Oh please. That Paolo thing was barely a relationship. All it really was was just, ya know, meaningless animal sex. Ok, ya know, that sounded soooo much better in my head.
Rachel: Hey! Hey! (Stops Caitlin) Hi! Hey-hey-hey, I'm Rachel! From upstairs? The ones with all the pizza?
Rachel: Yeah, I don't know who I was kidding. I can barely use chopsticks.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are dressing up Ben in the entire rain suit from Rainy Day Bear.]
Rachel: Oooohh thats interesting.
Phoebe: I did it! One mile on a hippity-hop! Thats it!! Thats everything I wanted to do before I was thirty. Oh, except I wanted to patch things up with my sister. But oh well. Yay!! (They all cheer again.) And-and girls this thing is a Godsend if you know what I mean. (Rachel and Monica look intrigued and as they all head into Central Perk, Rachel picks up the hippity-hop that Phoebe left behind.)
Ross: Listen, I know you wanted to talk to me, but I have an idea that may make you want to stay married. (Rachel shakes her head.) We register, and you get to keep all the presents!
Monica: (entering with Rachel) All right boys, last chance for the tickets!
MONICA: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.
RACHEL: So uh, what are you guys doing for dinner tonight?
Rachel: I-I dont want your job. I-I dont. Ohh this is such a mistake. I did not make out with him. Nobody made out with him. I did not use my keycard yesterday. I dont even know how to use my keycard. (The elevator stops. Ralph steps on.)
Ross: Oh-oh, okay, okay! (He quickly takes off his sweater in order to put on the T-shirt. Its an old Frankie says relax T-shirt, that barely fits him. Rachel nods her head in approval of the new look.) If you dont mind Im gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. (Starts to leave) You have a pleasant evening. (He exits and leaves the door open.)
Rachel: Yes. Yes, he says Im damaged goods.
RADIO: Uh, we've just gotten a call from Rachel, and she told us what Ross did. It's pretty appalling, and Ross, if you're listening, I don't wanna play your song anymore. Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance? Avery, Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car and she hopes you two will work it out.
Rachel: Well okay, how about four hours in a freezing museum auditorium listening to Professor Pitstains and hes Hey everybody! Remember that thing thats been dead for a gazillion years. Well theres this little bone we didnt know it had!
Monica: (entering, to Joey and Rachel) Hey, did you guys know, that your oven doesn't work?
Mr. Zelner: (Sees that she has some ink on her lip from her pen.) Oh Rachel, uhh (He points to his lip to get her to notice the ink on hers.)
Rachel: Yeah Pheebs, honey, she just got engaged a couple of hours ago. I doubt shes even had time to
Ross: Okay, I did not abandon Rachel! Okay? Emily showed up at the airport! I had to go after her! I mean, I-I did what I had to do! She's my wife! Rachel is my wife! Y'knowEmily! Emily, is my wife! Man, what is that?
Written by: Marta Kaufmann & David Crane Transcribed by: guineapig With Help From: Rachel Stigge
Monica: Windows are clean, candels are lit. Uh, belt's to tight, gotta change the belt. Did I turn the fish? (goes over to the kitchen to check on the dinner) No, cause I made lasagne. (to Rachel) Am I out of control?
[Scene: Rachel and Joeys, Joey is sitting on his recliner as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: Oh, you are the lesser of two evils!
Rachel: Awe! (Emma laughs) Oh my God! Looks, she’s a little dare-devil! Oh, let me push, can I push?
Ross: Okay. (He leans in to kiss her again, but she leans back preventing him from making contact.) Wow, its-its 5:30 in the morning. (Rachel laughs) So, Id better get cracking on this baby.
Rachel: Eight weeks. I mean I love my mother, but my God, a long lunch with her is taxing.
Rachel: Well yknow, we would umm, repeat everything the other said, or uh, wed jump out of closets to scare each other, or switch the sugar for the salt so theyd put salt on their cereal.
Rachel: (entering carrying a book) Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, "Dear Rach, youre such a good person." Not girl! Person!
Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!
Rachel: You know that depends on what it is! I've done a lot of stuff.
Amy: No, she was this really dorky girl in high school that used to follow Rachel around like a puppy dog.
Rachel: (makes some unintelligible sound to stop her from leaving) Obviously you know how to haggle, so I'm not gonna try and take you on. Okay? So $800 and I don't call the cops because you're robbing me blind! Blind! (Covers her eyes) Just take cat, leave the money, and run away! Run away! (Uncovers her eyes and sees that the woman has fled) Damnit! (To the cat) Cat, can't you at least smile or something?! (The cat hisses at her again, it sounds like Rachel) Okay, did anybody just hear that? Anybody?
Ross: Oh, I've gotten into the habit of calling Rachel "Mommy" when we're around Emma. Which I now realize we are not ...
Ross: Unless (Rachel groans.) You anticipated that I would figure all this out and you know that it actually is a girl, and you really do want her to be named Ruth! Well, Im not falling for that! Okay? Ruth is off the table!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross, Phoebe, Chandler and Monica sit round the coffee table, playing Scrabble. Rachel, still in her dressing gown, is pleading on the phone, her free hand shaking with agitation.]
Rachel: Oh, yeah! Real fun. (She makes a decision.) Yknow, this bra Really, bothers me. (She starts taking off her bra.) Yknow, this used to be my bedroom. Yeah. A lot of memories in here, a lot of memories. If these walls could talk, yknow what theyd say? Wanna hear some memories? (She is now violently pulling on her bra in order to remove it, but it isnt co-operating.)
Rachel: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was figured out, and now everything's just kinda like...
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is helping Rachel study for when the baby comes.]
Joey: (to Rachel) Will you hurry up? Did you not hear me before when I told you that all of Janines friends are dancers?! And that theyre going to be drinking alot!?
Rachel: So forcing her to marry Bobby is gonna make that happen?
Rachel: Honey, its so sweet that you want me to stay, but I-I cant do that to you. I mean it would disrupt your entire life.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are trying the home remedies again.]
Rachel: Oh it was great! It was great! I went down there just like you said, y'know? And we talked business. Kim totally took my opinions.
Rachel: Yeah, it's a real shame you can't make it to that one-woman show tonight.
Joey: No, in Ross's building! (He throws Rachel onto the chair and heads to the window.) She's back! She's back! (Pantomimes) Okay, wait there, I'll be over in a second. (He counts where she is again.) Got it! (Runs out and does a little hot over a chair.)
Rachel: Oh well, y'know, the gala had to end sometime.
Rachel: Hey! You guys umm, I want you to meet Sebastian.
Rachel: Phoebe, dont you think youve had enough to drink?
Rachel: Well if you go to Disneyland, you dont spend the whole day on the Materhorn.
Rachel: Ooh, I miss dating. Gettin all dressed up and going to a fancy restaurant. Im not gonna be able to do that for so long, and its so much fun! I mean not that sitting at home worrying about giving birth to a sixteen pound baby is not fun.
Ross: Hey. Rachel, I-I-I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now and I really, I just have to get it out.
Rachel: (talking in her sleep) Oooooooooh. (Rachel strokes her hand over the pillow. Ross mimicks her silently) Oh, that's nice. Oh, oh. Huh, Ross!
Monica: On three, 1 2 3! (Rachel turns her head on three to avoid the drops.) Now my pillow's all wet! (She was trying to fool Rachel and squeezed the eyedropper.)
Rachel: Yeah. It was the weirdest thing. Zelner called me and he said we'll do everything we can to get you back. And that I should thank some Ron... I don't even know what department that guy's in.
Rachel: Well, what about Mindy?
Big Nosed Rachel: Guess what?! All that stuff about Nancy Branson being a slut was all a rumor so Chip dumped her and he wants to come over to my house tonight!
Rachel: Well, isnt that a good thing? You said you were sick of this.
Rachel: I dont wanna hear "Three failed marriages!"
Rachel: Be-because I didn't want him to think I was stupid! I mean, that was really embarrassing what happened to you!
Rachel: Okay. Okay, great! Umm, okay, just turn around.
Chandler: Rachel... with handcuffs! Interesting! (he looks excited)
Monica: I sure do! (She runs over to a drawer, opens it, and grabs a lollipop.) (To Rachel) And you don't get one!
Rachel: I lent them to Ross.
Melissa: Of course I remember our kiss. I think about it all the time. I can still hear the coconuts knockin together I (Phoebe is shocked.) I just didnt want to tell you cause I didnt think that youd return my love, and now that you have (Leans in to kiss Rachel.)
(We see through the big window from the outside and see that Monica and Rachel have pictures of their faces pasted onto cardboard cutouts of Pamela Anderson and Yasmine Bleeth wearing their Baywatch swimsuits.)
Rachel: Ok. (Phoebe starts to walk in the opposite direction though. Rachel sees and follows her) Wha...? where? Where are you going?
(Ross wakes up with a start and startles Rachel. The guy next to him starts laughing, which starts Ross laughing, Rachel gives him a look and he stops.)
Rachel: (Looking through her purse.) Okay, you know what? I dont have it, but I can tell you exactly where it is on my night stand, and...okay. But you know what? I have my drivers license and I have a twenty. (She slides it across the counter.)
Rachel: Listen, my mum is not bringing the baby back until nine o� clock. So I was hoping you and I could have achance to kind of talk� somebody here?
Ross: You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing, and adorable, and sexy you are, you know? Someone who wakes up every morning thinking "Oh my god, I'm with Rachel". You know, someone who makes you feel good, the way I am with Julie. (Rachel has moved closer, but hearing that she starts to back up.) Was there a second of all?
Rachel: Oh honey, come on, Im sorry, I didnt.... I dont mind paying my dues, y'know, its just how much am I gonna learn about fashion by walking Mira, the arthritic seamstress, to the bathroom.
Rachel: Ahhhhh, salmon skin roll. (She does the finger thing.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is pouring Mark some coffee.]
Rachel: Thats right, still no baby! (To Monica, Joey, and Chandler on the couch) Come on people! Please make some room!
Rachel: (introduces them) Joanna, this is my friend Chandler Bing (to Chandler) Joanna.
Rachel: So I'll bring her by around seven? Is that okay?
RACHEL: Mom, would you relax. That was 10 blocks from here and, the, the woman was walking alone at night, I would never do that. Mom, c'mon, stop worrying. This is a safe street, this is a safe building, there's nothing [a pigeon flies in the window and lands on the table] OH MY GOOOD, oh my God, oh I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. [hangs up] OK, that's fine, you just read the paper, I'm gonna get a pot, it's not for you. [grabs a pot and lid] OK, that's fine, read the Family Circus, enjoy the gentle comedy. [puts pot over the pigeon] Aaahh, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, aaaaahh. [knock at the door] It's open you guys.
Phoebe: Yeah, but theres a two-year wait. And then what if you get engaged in two years and then you got to wait another two years for this place. Thats four years. Chandlers not gonna wait that long. Hes gonna find somebody else, yknow? Someone, someone who did put their name on the list. (Rachel agrees.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is coming out of the bathroom after a shower wearing only her bath robe, walks into the kitchen, and opens the fridge. As she bends over to grab a bottle of wine, her robe falls open (Damn this network primetime programming, we didn't see anything!) and she quickly closes it again. But then realizes she didn't have to do that. So she closes the fridge and stands next to the table, thinks about it for a little while and ]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Joey are standing at the counter. Monica is flipping a light switch on and off next to the door.]
Rachel: Excuse me! But this is a purebred, show-quality Sphinx cat!
Joey: Clear the tracks for the boobie payback express. Next stop: Rachel Green. (He goes into the bathroom. We hear a scream and he comes out, closely followed by Monica in a towel)
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Rachel is packing what she still has over there as Ross enters.]
Rachel: (checks her watch) Fifty-two minutes. (Pause) So no-no brothers and sisters, huh? That must be nice. You dont have to share stuff.
Rachel: It’s a standard issue bra clasp!
Rachel: Irrational, huh? All right, well, I’ll remember that the next time you freak out about a spider in your apartment!
Chandler: Let me finish ... (to everyone else) however, it doesn't look like I'm gonna get this job so I can't afford to have principles, so screw you, the tickets are ours!! (takes tickets from Rachel)
Rachel: Okay? Whoa, wait! (She undoes one button on Phoebe's dress.)
(Rachel taps into view; she is in perfect sync with the rest of the class)
Rachel: I dont know, I dont know. Urrrgh! Look, maybe we should take a break.
Rachel: All right listen umm, I just bought something I'm not sure she's gonna like it, and it's gonna seem a little crazy, but this is something that I wanted since I was a little girl.
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
Rachel: Oh hey-hey wait! How do we fairly decide who gets the phone?
Rachel: Well, why doesnt he practice with a girl?
Rachel: Diane Keeton.
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are preparing to leave for the funeral.]
Rachel: Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.) Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there? (Hands him the coffee pot.) Go ahead. (He does so.) Thank you. (To the gang.) Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas.