words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
Rachel: Oh! Good thing Chandlers not here, he always wins at this game.
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Umm, do you guys have any juice?
Rachel: My boss, Joanna? Wow, that mustve been awkward.
Rachel: (laughs) You ah, you didnt say Yes to that did you?
Joanna: (Coming out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel) Hello, Rachel. (She goes into Chandlers bedroom)
Rachel: What is she doing here?
Rachel: I dont understand! Last time you went out with her you said she was a big, dull dud.
Rachel: Well, last time I almost got fired. You must end it, you must end it now!
Rachel: Chandler!! (He turns around quickly) Promise me, you will end it.
Rachel: Thank you.
Joey: Yeah-eh-eah! (Rachel glares at him) Oh-oh, sorry, I-I knew what he meant.
[Cut to Monica and Rachels apartment, all are there.]
Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel: Oh yeah, I totally agree.
[Cut to Monica and Rachels, theyre all there playing cards.]
[Cut to Joannas outer office, where Rachel and Sophie work. They are both coming back from lunch.]
Rachel: Thats weird, she locked the door.
Rachel: Okay, swear you wont tell, but when Mark left he gave me a key to Joannas office. Do you wanna see the list?
(Rachel unlocks and opens the door to reveal a half-naked Chandler handcuffed to the chair. They both gasp and Chandler stares at them in shock and surprise.)
(Rachel and Sophie both back out and close the door without saying anything.
[Cut to Rachels office as her intercom buzzes.]
Rachel: (answering it) (angrily) What?!
Chandler: (in a serious, businesslike tone) Rachel, could I see you for a moment?
(Rachel goes into talk to Chandler.)
Rachel: You promised you would break up with her!
Rachel: And the fact that you were jeopardising my career never entered your mind?!
Rachel: Y'know what Chandler, you got yourself into those cuffs, you get yourself out of them.
Rachel: Oh, Chandler!! All right, this is it! (Grabs the key) You never see Joanna again!
Rachel: You never come into this office again!
Rachel: You give me back my Walkman!
Rachel: Well, then I lost it. You buy me one!
Chandler: You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! (Rachel goes over and unlocks the handcuffs) Ahhh! (He starts rubbing his wrist)
Rachel: Does it hurt?
Rachel: Wait a minute! What are you gonna tell Joanna?
Rachel: When she sees that youre gone, shes gonna know that I let you out, and that I was in here, and Im gonna get fired!
Rachel: No, theres nothing to make up, shes gonna know that I have a key to her office, Ive got to get you locked up back the way you were! (She tries to drag him over to the chair, but Chandler stops her.)
(He starts to put his pants on, but Rachel manages to drag him to the chair. When they get to the chair, Chandler drops his pants and knocks the chair away. Rachel then backs him up and locks him to the top drawer of a filing cabinet.)
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are having a little tug-of-war with his pants.]
Rachel: Chandler! Chandler, please, I have to get you locked up back the way you were, I am sooo gonna lose my job, shes very private about her office. Now I know why.
Rachel: What if I clean your bathroom for a month?
Chandler: It still wouldnt be clean. (Rachel makes an Eww, disgusting! face) All I want is my freedom.
Rachel: Foot rubs for a month!
Rachel: Ill take all of your photos and put them into photo albums!
Rachel: Sophie sit!!
Rachel: No! God, would you just calm down!
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are still negotiating.]
Rachel: I ah, will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts.
Rachel: I ah Oh! Ill squeeze you fresh orange juice every morning!
Rachel: (happily) Yeah!!
Rachel: Doh!! (pause) Ive got it!
Rachel: I have so got it. Theres gonna be rumours about this, theres no way to stop it. Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know.
Rachel: Oh, I called them. And when they ask me what I saw, I can be very generous (Holds her hands far apart) or very (In a high pitched voice) stingy.
Rachel: I can make you a legend. I can make you this generations Milton Berle.
Rachel: Ohh, not compared to you. (Chandler nods in agreement)
Joey, Rachel, and Ross: Hey!
Chandler: (to Rachel) I love you. (Kisses her on the forehead)
(She motions for them to come closer, they lean in and she whispers what Rachel told her. The guys both lean back laughing.]
Rachel: So did you break up with Joanna?
Rachel: What?!
[Scene: Rachels office, Rachel is coming in for the day.]
Rachel: Its me! Good morning!
Joanna: Rachel, could you come in here for a moment, please?
Rachel: Yeah, sure. Umm, they didnt have poppy seed bagels, so I (Enters Joannas office and sees her handcuffed to her chair wearing nothing but a slip) Oh my word!
Rachel: Oh, yeah! Yeah!
Rachel: Okay.
Rachel: (sarcastically) Yeah. Look Joey, its enough all right?! You keep making these stupid jokes and this sleazy innuendoes and itsIm notits just not funny anymore!
[Scene: An airport in London, Ross is waiting for Emily to show up to go on their honeymoon and sees Rachel walking past.]
RACHEL: Oh God.� It seems like forever ago.
RACHEL: Oh.� (to Phoebe) Should we send them something back?
RACHEL: No!� Wait!� No, no.� Don't do that!� That's going to make them think they can come over here.
Chandler: Eldad, sit down. (To Rachel) Move over! Move over now!
Rachel: He even offered to meet me for lunch tomorrow to prep me for it.
Joey: Here you are (Hands Rachel a cup of coffee)
RACHEL: That's my bubby!
[Scene: The bar.� Two men are chatting with Rachel and Phoebe.]
RACHEL: (as herself) "Well, but I'm not sure I really want to do anything about it."
Rachel: (sticking her foot out) Hm-m.
RACHEL: Oh, thanks.
RACHEL: Well, the point is, maybe I should just stop waiting around for moments with Ross, you know?� I should just . . . move on with my life.
RACHEL: (whining) Wha. . . hey!
Rachel: (yelling from the living room) Oh wait-wait-wait!! No! Dont go in there! Dont go in there! I need another soda!
Rachel: Yeah... (still looking to see where Joey went, and opens the door)
RACHEL: I don't know.� Do I have to decide right now?
Rachel: Well, I assume Ill have to take showers with him, but y'know, thats true of any job.
PHOEBE: (to Rachel) He says he can't do that.
Monica: I'll get it! (She runs in, and she's her old fat self like The One With The Prom Video. Not only that, she's out of breath after running a short distance. She goes over and opens the door to reveal Rachel with her old nose.) Happy Thanksgiving!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: ...if you tell me, I might do it.
Rachel: I do pilates.
Rachel: What? What carrer?
[Scene: Days Of Our Lives set, Joey is doing a scene with a co-star as Rachel watches on a monitor.]
Rachel: Ross look, look this is good for you. Okay? Lets face it, so far the guys not lovin ya! But I can turn that around! I got the inside track! We can all go out to dinner, yknow? And I can talk you up! Ross, the guy is a very, very successful lawyer!
RACHEL: Hi.
RACHEL: Oh . . .
RACHEL: That was fun Pheebs.
ROSS: Oh God.� (He hugs Rachel)
RACHEL: Wow.� So, what did you guys do?
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Rachel and Phoebe enter.)
RACHEL: See you guys.� (She closes the door.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachels I guess I have to call it that now. Rachel is reading on the couch as Ross enters.]
RACHEL: Yeah.
ROSS: Rachel, lock the door.� Lock the door,� seriously.
RACHEL: Oh, around 8:30?
RACHEL: Then, again at 9:00?
RACHEL: Aaah.� (She goes to tend Emma.)
RACHEL: (still looking at Emma) Yeah?
Rachel: Yeah, I can't *wait* to go back to work.
Rachel: (sticks her head out too) Well, get back in there and talk!
Phoebe: Wait-wait-wait-wait! So, explain something to me though, if, if nobody tagged Rachel, then isnt the play still going.
Rachel: That's right!
Rachel: Oh.
Rachel: Oh, it's a Macy's bag!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are there as Ross enters with Phoebe.]
Rachel: Hi. Look um, about what happened earlier...
Rachel: Its still(Screams)Its got a tail! Get it out of here! Get it out of here!!
Rachel: Alright thanks, oh Ross could you stop by the coffee house and get me a muffin?
Melissa: I-Ive got to go. This has been so great Ray-ray! (Gunther returns with her cigarettes.) Oh, there you are. (Takes them from Gunther.) (To Rachel) Umm, so listen, just call me. Heres my card. (Hands the card over.)
Rachel: Ross, thank you. Hey, do you guys wanna go see a movie?
Rachel: Okay, you go do it! Ill come back to that set! Ill meet more actors! Ill meet em all!
RACHEL: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the uh, waiting thing?
Rachel: Oh wow, it's so beautiful...
(Rachel laughs)
Rachel: Yes, okay, oh, by the way, I just gotta say, I think it's really nice of you that even after you've moved, you still keep storing that stuff for Joey!
Rachel: Well, not this second!
Rachel: Uh, Pauls Caf�. They got great food and its really romantic.
Rachel: Ben, its Rachel! (He closes the door.) But whatever.
Rachel: I made the mistake of telling him that I was pregnant.
Rachel: What do you really want to do?
Rachel: Wha... are you kidding? I can't return this.
Rachel: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor?
Rachel: OK, thank you.
Rachel: What? You really think she's hot?
Rachel: And Joey?
Rachel: Oh, wow, Molly is just great!
Rachel: Thank you! (goes to get coffee)
Rachel: Hello.
Rachel: Yeah, it is! But youre just a kid! I mean youre 25!
Rachel: Oh wow, you are really, you're really a creep.
[Scene: Rachel's office, Rachel comes in and Gavin is there]
Rachel: I was giving you an appology and you were totally checking her out!
Phoebe: Is that a real place? (Rachels stunned) Are they hiring?
Rachel: Well, yknow I was thinking of moving the couch over here.
Rachel: Thirty. Ugh, I mean thirty! Monica, do you remember mean, old Mrs. Kreeger in the fifth grade? She was thirty!
Rachel: (returning) Wait-wait-wait, I just thought of another story about how nice Ross is!
Rachel: N-no, Emma dropped her sock.
Rachel: (sitting down next to Chandler) Im training to be better at a job that I hate, my life officially sucks.
[Scene: Rachel's office, Rachel and Gavin there, phone rings, Gavin picks it up]
Rachel: Hi!
Kim: Ohh honey come here. (Hugging Rachel.) Ohh it will be ok. Weve all been there.
Gavin: Mom, I'll call you later. Yeah. (hangs up) (to Rachel) Yes?
Rachel: Shh!
Rachel: What?
Rachel: There was nothing wrong with her! All right? She was perfectly lovely!
Rachel: Yeah, sure!
(Phoebe knocks on the door with the wine and Chandler answers it. Rachel hides next to the door.)
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Rachel: What...? Too sensitive to take care of our baby?
Phoebe: Great! Okay, good for you! (as they leave she slaps Rachel on the butt)
Rachel: What Phoebe? Wait! One time he caught me smoking he said if he ever saw me doing that again hed make me eat the entire pack.
Rachel: Mmm hmm.
Rachel: No.
Rachel: You do?
Rachel: Well Monica seems to think it's because you have feelings for me.
Ross: (to Rachel) So, hes just a nice guy. You really think this Mark doesnt want anything in exchange for helping him?
Ross: (not getting it) Yeah! Yeah! Rachel picked it out for me. She told me to trust her and you know what? I'm glad I did! I turned quite a few heads on my way over here.