words in movies
[Scene: A Restaurant, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are having brunch.]
Rachel: Oh my God! This is it! (She and Phoebe hold hands.) (To Phoebe) I really hope its you!
Rachel: Me too!
Rachel: Okay, bla-bla-bla-bla!! Who is it?!
Rachel: Hypothetically!
Rachel: Uh-hmm.
Monica: Rachel would be Phoebes, I would be Rachels, that way we all get to do it once and no one would get upset.
Rachel: Yeah thats actually a pretty good idea.
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
Rachel: Fine!
Phoebe: Aww, and good luck to you too! (To Monica and Rachel) What a nice lady!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is bringing Rachel some coffee.]
Phoebe: Hey Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah?
Rachel: Really?!
Rachel: Oh my God Phoebe! I mean Im justWait a minute. If Im your maid of honor that means you are Monicas.
Rachel: Ohh! No way Phoebe! I want to be Monicas!
Rachel: Why does it matter so much to you?!
Rachel: What-what if I marry RossOr Joey?
Phoebe: (gasps) You wouldnt! Okay look, Rachel I know you really want to do this, but I-Ive never been maid of honor to anyone before! And I know youve done it at least twice!
Rachel: Yeah but Phoebe
Phoebe: And no, oh please, oh please let me finish. (Rachel stops talking.) Oh I guess that was it.
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Itssince youve never done it before you can be Monicas made of honor.
Rachel: Im gonna marry someone good yknow.
Rachel: Better than Chandler. (Phoebe exhales as if to say, "Like what isnt?")
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Rachel and Phoebe are already there.]
Rachel: Phoebe is gonna be Monicas maid of honor!
Rachel: (shocked) You have been maid of honor before?!!
Rachel: All right thats it! I am maid of honor!
Rachel: How come you are?!
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Well, its better than us deciding.
Rachel: Oh, come on! This is crazy! Cant we just flip a coin?!
Rachel: Okay. Okay fine, yknow what? We will let Ross and Joey decide. (Ross enters.) (In a sexy voice.) Hiiiii, Ross! Sweetie.
Phoebe: Hey there, you handsome thing. (Rachel and Phoebe exit.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are laying out the ground rules for the maid of honor auditions to Rachel and Phoebe.]
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Rachel: Okay, uh
Rachel: its gonna be okay!
Rachel: Look Monica, getting cold feet is very common. Yknow, its-its just because of all the anticipation and you just have to remember that you love Chandler. And also, I ran out on a wedding. You dont get to keep the gifts.
Rachel: Thanks!
Ross: Yes, very nice Rachel.
Rachel: Thank you judges.
Rachel: Oh!
Rachel: Wait a minute! She just made a scene in the middle of the ceremony!
Rachel: Ohh, wait a minute, we havent pre
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Umm, Websters Dictionary defines marriage as (Ross and Joey start writing.) Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you very much. Umm, Ive known them separately and Ive known them together and-and to know them as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love. So I would like to raise my glass (Grabs a glass and holds it up) to Monica and Chandler and the beautiful adventure they are about to embark upon together. I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey.
Rachel: Aw, thanks!
Phoebe: Okay, I cant believe that Monica and Chandler are getting married. I remember talking about this day with Rachel while we were showering together, naked. (Raises her glass and drinks.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the results of their election. Somewhat faster than Florida I might add.]
Joey: All right, well first of all I would like to say that you both performed very well. Okay? You should be proud of yourselves. And-and I would also like to say that in this competition there are no losers. Well, except for RachelDamnit!
Rachel: What?!
Rachel: Well then I demand a recount! (Hmm, I wonder where Ive heard that before.)
Rachel: No! Yknow what? No! No! You thing was so stupid anyway, this was ridiculousWere gonna flip a coin! (Phoebe gasps.) All right?! (She flips the coin.) Heads! (Looks at the coin and grunts in disgust.)
Rachel: Well yknow what? I hope Monica forgives you after you throw her, her vegetarian, voodoo, goddess circley shower! (Runs out.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Rachel enters carrying a shopping bag.]
Rachel: Hi Pheebs.
Rachel: Hi! I just want to apologize. Im really sorry I was a baby.
Phoebe: Thats ridiculous Rachel, we were all babies once. (Rachel looks at her.) Oh, you mean today.
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, and yknow you-you deserve to win. And-and yknow I was thinking about it, if-if youre Monicas maid of honor that means I get to be yours.
Rachel: Yeah! Oh, umm when-when Monica and Chandler got engaged I started putting some stuff together, yknow just in case
Rachel: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. (Shows Phoebe the picture.) And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and heres a little purse that I found. (Hands her the purse) Yknow I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.
Rachel: And umm, vintage handkerchiefs yknow cause, people cry at weddings. (Starting to cry.) Im just gonna grab a couple of these.
Rachel: Oh, I forgot this was in here. Umm, this was the uh garter that I was saving for my wedding and I wanted it to be Monicas something borrowed and its blue. (Starts to cry again.) Yeah
Rachel: You do? Why?
Rachel: But Pheebs, yknow you earned it.
Rachel: No, I was ten. I just developed early.
Rachel: Hey!
Phoebe: Well, we just decided that Rachel is gonna be your maid of honor.
Monica: (gasps) Ohh, wow! Thats great! (Rachel and Monica hug.) Oh wow! We really have to start planning! I have, I have a lot of really specific ideas! We should probably get together like four times per week. You can come over to my place; well get together before work! What do you say, 6:30, my place? Im so excited! (Runs out leaving Rachel completely stunned and Phoebe laughing.)
Rachel: Yeah okay, you laugh now, but shes gonna be yours. (Phoebe gets suddenly scared.)
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
[Scene: The museum planetarium. Ross and Rachel enter on stage.]
Rachel: (sexily) Hi officer, was I going a little too fast?
Ross: Oh, thanks Gunther. (He takes it, hands the plate it's on to Rachel, sets it down on the table, and proceeds to pound it into oblivion while saying.) STUPID BRITISH SNACK FOOD!!!!!!!
Rachel: Are-are you saying hes a geek?
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
Rachel: ...the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much youve grown. Y'know? I mean my Mom never thought this would work out. It was all, Once a cheater, always a cheater. Ooh, I just wish we hadnt lost those four months, but if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective...
Rachel: (she enters wearing a bath-robe) Hey... Hi you guys! Listen, you know what? I'm not feeling really well. I think I can't get out for the play.
Rachel: What are you ever gonna use that for?!
Rachel: Okay, you hard worker! Ill remember to put that in your evaluation.
Rachel: Oh, oh no. Do you think she walked in, saw you and left?
Phoebe: Okay, so... allright... Which dress? (she holds up two 'Phoebe' dresses, Rachel and Monica look at them... taking their time, don't wanting to hurt Phoebe) You can say "neither".
(Phoebe and Ross go to look for Chandler and Rachel enters Monica and Chandlers.)
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Rachel: Im so not impressed. Everybody snacks when they shop.
Rachel: Okay. So these signals Ross, explain this to me, cause maybe I need to be more careful. I mean, am I sending you these signals right now?
Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string. These are a few...
Ross: Youre right. Thats very different. So lets, lets just sign the papers. All right? (Sits down and Rachel keeps standing there.) What?
Phoebe: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?
Rachel: Chandler, arent you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?
Rachel: Oh but you could. You can. Absolutely! We can help each other out! We can get--what are those--those patches! We could be like the Patch Sisters!
[Scene: The Charity Event, theyre holding a silent auction, Rachel is looking at one of the items and Phoebe walks up and hands her a glass of wine.]
Rachel: Okay, see now, what I just heard: blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah, blah.
Rachel: Yeah, I feel kinda bad for them, but Im also really psyched cause I dont have to move in here!
RACHEL: OK, well, bye-bye again. [kisses him again]
Rachel: Joey, get Amy's bags, she is moving out!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: Noooooo!! (Phoebe lifts up the sheet to discover the exact same apothecary table they have.)
Rachel: I thought I was making him filet mignon?
Rachel: Then we took a walk down to Bendall's, and I told him not to, but he got me a little bottle of Chanel...
Dr. Drake Remoray: Not so fast Wesley! (Rachel does a silent clap.)
Rachel: Well, yknow what? Thanks to you Im half way there! Ugh! Oh! I am so mad! Ross, I dont think I have ever been this angry!
Ross: I I do, I do not love Rachel. Im gonna tell her right now about the whole thing so we can get this marriage annulled as fast as possible. Okay? Would I do that if I loved her?
Big Nosed Rachel: Y'know what? I've just had it with high school boys! They are just silly. (Ross is overhearing this.) Silly, stupid boys! I'm going to start dating men!
Rachel: Yes! I will! Absolutely! (She takes out his license and her license and holds them face to face with each other. She then proceeds to act like Dark Helmut in Spaceballs, and mimic a conversation between the two of them.) Hello, Rachel. Hi, Joshua. I left my wallet here on purpose. Really? Yes, I just wanted to see you again. Oh, Im glad. Rachel, Id like to say something to you. Yes? How you doin?
Rachel: Oh, come on! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat, you dont think thats just a little funny?!
Rachel: Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers.
Rachel: Alright... (shuffles cards expertly, all the guys stare in amazement)
RACHEL: Hey, Mon, you want some help?
ROSS: Alright, alright, here's the chance. Monica give him cash, Rachel give him your earrings. Something, now, anything. MONICA: No, I will not cave. RACHEL: Yeah, I'm with Mon. ROSS: Alright, alright, you know how you say I never seize the day? Well, alright, even though he's your super, I'm seizing. [approaches Mr. Treeger] Mr. Treeger, here is 50 bucks, merry Christmas. [Gives him the cash.]
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I gave Barry up, right? I should be happy for them! I am, I'm happy for them.
Rachel: Yeah, I admit it. I have a crush on you, and uh, and, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and-and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is-is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now.
Rachel: We've got to find a new pediatrician. Ross was getting sick last night, and I think Emma may have caught it.
Cynthia: I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date! (She storms away and Rachel enters to confront Joey.)
Rachel: I don't know! I think it's kind of serious! Oh, you know... I was watching this thing on TV this morning about... Newcastle disease... and I think I might have it!!
(Rachel picks up their phone and the ringing stops. As she talks on the phone, an elaborate visual gag is spun out which is too difficult to describe in words.)
RACHEL: It's just this thing. Every year we would go out on my dad's boat and watch the fireworks. Mom always hated it because the ocean air made her hair all big. My sister Jill would be throwing up over the side and my dad would be upset becasue nobody was helping and then when we did help he would scream at us for doing it wrong. But then when the fireworks started, everybody just shut up, you know, and it'd get really cold, and we would all just sort of smush under this one blanket. It never occured to anybody to bring another one. And now it's just...
(Gunther tries to swoop in to ask Rachel out.)
(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)
Rachel: (holding Ben) Look Benny, spoon. (moves it back and forth) Spoon. Come on! All right, y'know what I think hes bored.
Rachel: I don't know, you know, just the way she waltzed in here all smart, and tall! You know, and just swept Joey off his feet... I mean, nobody else has a chance!
Rachel: Ohhh!!!! (looking at something behind Ross)
Rachel: Hey-hey, yknow what? I dont care! Im not ashamed of my book. Theres nothing with a woman enjoying a little erotica. Its just a healthy expression of female sexuality, which by the way, you will never understand. (She goes into her room.)
Ross: Well, with everything thats been going on lately, I havent exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I, uh, I didnt tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know?
Mr. Thompson: Well, I hope youre gonna bid on some things Rachel.
Rachel: ...And so then I realized. All this stuff I had been doing. proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldnt come to the wedding. Was all just a way of...
Rachel: All right look lady here is the deal, I came here for an annulment and I am not leaving here until I get one!
(He goes over and gives Rachel the same treatment he gave Monica, only Rachel is shocked.)
Joey: (voice-over) Oh-oh! And then Rosss new girlfriend, Bonnie, shows up and Rachel convinced her to save her head. And then Ross and Rachel kiss, and now Ross has to choose between Rachel and the bald girl and I dont know what happened there either...
Ross: You even have to ask?! (He grabs a lollypop out of a jar) (Sees Rachel) (To Rachel) He is alive!
Rachel: Yeah, well Bettys kinda sad. Which is why I believe I can lure her away with these chocolates. (Holding up the box of chocolates.) Now, while I distract her, you get in the office.
Jill: This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think? (She spins to show Rachel the outfit shes wearing.)
Rachel: (thinks about it for a second) No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.
Phoebe: (grabs and shakes Rachel) Just calm down woman!
Rachel: I know. I know, but yknow condoms only work like 97% of the time.
Monica: (on phone) Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? (Listens) Yes, hold on. (To Rachel) Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rachel, Phoebe, and Julio are consoling Joey and Chandler.]
Rachel: Oh.. yeah? Well unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, <shakes head no> not the same thing.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is walking from the bathroom to his bedroom and walks past a pile of Rachels laundry, which just happens to include a selection of panties. He stops, goes back to the basket, looks for Rachel, picks up a lavender thong, and heads for his bedroom. However, he decides he doesnt like his selection and goes back this time picking up a red low-cut silk brief and heads for his room, flexing along the way to prove his masculinity.]
Rachel: Oh, it is so unfair. It's like that time they promoted Sandra over me at work.
Rachel: Theyre not!! Ross, theyre just saving them for the important people!! Okay?! What-what if I was the president?!
Ross: (picking up the slip of paper) Hello! What's this? Oh right its that girl's phone number. (Rachel ignores him) Yeah-yeah, there it is, just a phone number a really hot girl gave me. (He holds it so that Rachel can see it, she continues to ignore him) It's no big deal, I mean it is her home phone number, but...(Rachel still ignores him) Whoa! (Throws it in her lap) Whoa-whoops, I almost lost this baby! Yeah, the lovely Amanda gives me her number and I-I go and drop it. (He waves it in front of Rachel's face. Then suddenly Phoebe has to sneeze and Rachel quickly grabs the slip of paper and gives it to Phoebe for her to sneeze into.)
RACHEL: Yeah. You're not gonna end up alone.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Time lapse. Jack is still on the couch, picking his teeth with his feet on the table. Phoebe and Judy are sitting on the table looking at him. Ross and Chandler are sitting by the window talking. Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen fooling with Rachels trifle. Monica walks into the living room from the kitchen.]
Rachel: Me? Oh, no, I am not an actress.
Rachel: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
Rachel: (to the gang) Oh my God, Melissa Warburton. I dont think I have the energy for this.
Rachel: That sounds like a plan. Umm, is there a place I can go freshen up?
Rachel: Oh, I probably shouldntso I will! (Joey starts making her refill and Rachel notices that rain thing Joey has.) Oh! Wow! Its like its raining!
Rachel: (running from the guy's apartment with Joey in tow) Hey, what's-what's going on?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Paolo are at the window. Ross and Joey are watching disgustedly.]
[Cut to inside the apartment, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.
Rachel: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're havin' for Thanksgiving dinner? What, what, what is it with you and this holiday?
Rachel: What?! It goes ten times a day! What are we feeding this baby?! Indian food?!
Rachel: Oh. Im sorry. Im very sorry. Sorry. (She hums and sighs happily.) Its just, Im ahh, Im kinda excited. Im, ahh, going to London to ahh, tell this guy that I love him and... (He puts his headphones on to ignore her.)
Rachel: Dont just say yes! This isnt a game, Joey you can really get hurt out here. Okay, so do you want to pay attention or do you want to die?!
(Phoebe kisses Rachel on the cheek, then joins her team.)
Rachel: You have not worn that T-shirt since you were 15!! It doesnt even fit you anymore!
Rachel: But, theyre across the hall! I mean thats two doors away, it would take them a long time to peck their way back over here.
(Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey all scooch over to let them sit down.)
Rachel: Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this apartment!
Joey: Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? (The duck does not get sick and Joey recoils in horror and heads for the couch.) What the hell is in that face cream? (Hes about to try out the couch but notices the bed in Rachels room. He walks into her room and feels the bed.) Thats so soft. (He pulls back the comforter.) Pillowcases! (He climbs in and groans in delight. Suddenly, he feels something under him and pulls out a little beat up paperback book. He opens it and starts to read from it.) (In his head.) Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar (Stops reading and thinks.) The vicar? (Continues reading) wouldnt be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his (Out loud.) Whoa! (Reads on in silence.) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book! (Continues to read.)
Rachel: Oh, that would be great! (Sandy leaves for Emma's room) I love him, I love him, I love him...
Monica: (laughing harder) Nothing, Im just trying to recreate some of the fun that we had at my place the other day. (To Phoebe) Remember, when you picked Rachel over me? That was funny.
Rachel: We should defiantly play football more often. Maybe theres a like league we could join or something.
Rachel: Okay-okay that-that's amazing. How did you know that?
RACHEL: I, I don't know, um, do you think you're cute? OK, we're kinda gettin' off the track here. Um, I was supposed to come here and tell you my friend thinks you're cute. So what should I tell her?
Rachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married.
Ross: Umm, he said he thought I was funny. So (Rachel stares at him.) Okay, look-look umm, let's just go downstairs, we'll have some fun, and you will forget all about it.
Rachel: (Like a big baby) Um... unless, unless I use yours.