words in movies
[Scene: A Restaurant, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are having brunch.]
Rachel: Oh my God! This is it! (She and Phoebe hold hands.) (To Phoebe) I really hope its you!
Rachel: Me too!
Rachel: Okay, bla-bla-bla-bla!! Who is it?!
Rachel: Hypothetically!
Rachel: Uh-hmm.
Monica: Rachel would be Phoebes, I would be Rachels, that way we all get to do it once and no one would get upset.
Rachel: Yeah thats actually a pretty good idea.
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
Rachel: Fine!
Phoebe: Aww, and good luck to you too! (To Monica and Rachel) What a nice lady!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is bringing Rachel some coffee.]
Phoebe: Hey Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah?
Rachel: Really?!
Rachel: Oh my God Phoebe! I mean Im justWait a minute. If Im your maid of honor that means you are Monicas.
Rachel: Ohh! No way Phoebe! I want to be Monicas!
Rachel: Why does it matter so much to you?!
Rachel: What-what if I marry RossOr Joey?
Phoebe: (gasps) You wouldnt! Okay look, Rachel I know you really want to do this, but I-Ive never been maid of honor to anyone before! And I know youve done it at least twice!
Rachel: Yeah but Phoebe
Phoebe: And no, oh please, oh please let me finish. (Rachel stops talking.) Oh I guess that was it.
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Itssince youve never done it before you can be Monicas made of honor.
Rachel: Im gonna marry someone good yknow.
Rachel: Better than Chandler. (Phoebe exhales as if to say, "Like what isnt?")
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Rachel and Phoebe are already there.]
Rachel: Phoebe is gonna be Monicas maid of honor!
Rachel: (shocked) You have been maid of honor before?!!
Rachel: All right thats it! I am maid of honor!
Rachel: How come you are?!
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Well, its better than us deciding.
Rachel: Oh, come on! This is crazy! Cant we just flip a coin?!
Rachel: Okay. Okay fine, yknow what? We will let Ross and Joey decide. (Ross enters.) (In a sexy voice.) Hiiiii, Ross! Sweetie.
Phoebe: Hey there, you handsome thing. (Rachel and Phoebe exit.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are laying out the ground rules for the maid of honor auditions to Rachel and Phoebe.]
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Rachel: Okay, uh
Rachel: its gonna be okay!
Rachel: Look Monica, getting cold feet is very common. Yknow, its-its just because of all the anticipation and you just have to remember that you love Chandler. And also, I ran out on a wedding. You dont get to keep the gifts.
Rachel: Thanks!
Ross: Yes, very nice Rachel.
Rachel: Thank you judges.
Rachel: Oh!
Rachel: Wait a minute! She just made a scene in the middle of the ceremony!
Rachel: Ohh, wait a minute, we havent pre
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Umm, Websters Dictionary defines marriage as (Ross and Joey start writing.) Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you very much. Umm, Ive known them separately and Ive known them together and-and to know them as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love. So I would like to raise my glass (Grabs a glass and holds it up) to Monica and Chandler and the beautiful adventure they are about to embark upon together. I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey.
Rachel: Aw, thanks!
Phoebe: Okay, I cant believe that Monica and Chandler are getting married. I remember talking about this day with Rachel while we were showering together, naked. (Raises her glass and drinks.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the results of their election. Somewhat faster than Florida I might add.]
Joey: All right, well first of all I would like to say that you both performed very well. Okay? You should be proud of yourselves. And-and I would also like to say that in this competition there are no losers. Well, except for RachelDamnit!
Rachel: What?!
Rachel: Well then I demand a recount! (Hmm, I wonder where Ive heard that before.)
Rachel: No! Yknow what? No! No! You thing was so stupid anyway, this was ridiculousWere gonna flip a coin! (Phoebe gasps.) All right?! (She flips the coin.) Heads! (Looks at the coin and grunts in disgust.)
Rachel: Well yknow what? I hope Monica forgives you after you throw her, her vegetarian, voodoo, goddess circley shower! (Runs out.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Rachel enters carrying a shopping bag.]
Rachel: Hi Pheebs.
Rachel: Hi! I just want to apologize. Im really sorry I was a baby.
Phoebe: Thats ridiculous Rachel, we were all babies once. (Rachel looks at her.) Oh, you mean today.
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, and yknow you-you deserve to win. And-and yknow I was thinking about it, if-if youre Monicas maid of honor that means I get to be yours.
Rachel: Yeah! Oh, umm when-when Monica and Chandler got engaged I started putting some stuff together, yknow just in case
Rachel: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. (Shows Phoebe the picture.) And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and heres a little purse that I found. (Hands her the purse) Yknow I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.
Rachel: And umm, vintage handkerchiefs yknow cause, people cry at weddings. (Starting to cry.) Im just gonna grab a couple of these.
Rachel: Oh, I forgot this was in here. Umm, this was the uh garter that I was saving for my wedding and I wanted it to be Monicas something borrowed and its blue. (Starts to cry again.) Yeah
Rachel: You do? Why?
Rachel: But Pheebs, yknow you earned it.
Rachel: No, I was ten. I just developed early.
Rachel: Hey!
Phoebe: Well, we just decided that Rachel is gonna be your maid of honor.
Monica: (gasps) Ohh, wow! Thats great! (Rachel and Monica hug.) Oh wow! We really have to start planning! I have, I have a lot of really specific ideas! We should probably get together like four times per week. You can come over to my place; well get together before work! What do you say, 6:30, my place? Im so excited! (Runs out leaving Rachel completely stunned and Phoebe laughing.)
Rachel: Yeah okay, you laugh now, but shes gonna be yours. (Phoebe gets suddenly scared.)
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
Rachel: Mia Hamm!
Ross: Oh, come on Rach, we will. I promise. We have more interviews (They sit down and Rachel sighs) And worse comes to worse, we can always reconsider the uhm... the first one we met with.
Phoebe: Ohh, theyre having a great time with their Aunt Phoebe! Aunt Rachel hasnt been helpful at all. So, do you miss me?
Rachel: (not excited anymore) You pierced her ears!?
RACHEL: Oh yeah, I don't care how much she tells you she wants it, I don't care if begs, she pleads, she tells you she, she's gonna have sex with, with another man. That just means it's working.
Rachel: Well, I guess that's all in the past, now.
Rachel: Oh-hooo, I missed you.
Rachel: Yknow, like the thing when you put the phone in your pants? (He starts laughing.) Tag! Im serious! This isnt funny! Those contracts absolutely had to go out today!
Rachel: Huh. Well, y'know thats actually a really good idea, because that way theyll be closer to the mugs. Y'know what, you should have the other waitresses do that too.
Rachel: You're sister? You're sister's asleep on the couch? (Danny nods, "Yes.") Ohhh! I saw her with you on the subway and now she's asleep on the couch!
Rachel: Well, heres another question for ya. Uhh, do you know what that silver knob on the toilet does?
Rachel: (to Gunther) Ill take a coffee. (To Ross) So how was your big date last night?
Rachel: Oh God, that's right. I blocked that out.
ROSS: Well, hey. You're an actor, I say you just suck it up and do it. (Rachel looks at him in disbelief) Or you just do it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]
Rachel: Monica! Im not gonna screw it up!
Rachel: Because, I feel like I wouldn't just be going out with him. I would be going out with all of you. Oh, and there would just be all this pressure, and I don't wanna...
Phoebe: Well, you know, if you want fashion help, Rachel and I are going shopping tomorrow. You're more than welcome to come with us, right?
Rachel: You should find out what his hobbies are and then use that to bond with him. Yeah! Like if I would strike up a conversation about say umm, sandwiches. Or uh, or my underwear.
Rachel: I'm hoping that if she hears it enough it will be her first word.
Rachel: Oh honey, this is his office too. I told you we're Joanna's two assistants.
Rachel: No! Come on its late, were not gonna go down to the office.
RACHEL: Well, you know, honey, I don't think everybody gets Smelly Cat. You know, I mean, if all you've ever actually had are healthy pets, then, whoosh!
Rachel: Oh, I thought you guys meant marijuana cigarettes, y'know? Y'know what I mean, like dubbies? And I actually, I thought to myself, "Wow, those guys are crazy!" But no, I actually smoke the regular ones all, all the time.
Rachel: Well, I dont know about that, but some said that I looked like a floating angel.
Rachel: (calmly) Okay. Im sorry. Youre right, youre right.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Rachel are still discussing Bobby and Dinas situation.]
Rachel: Well, why shouldnt I be? I have great friends! I have a wonderful job!
Rachel: Monica, what did you mean before when you said you didnt want to talk to anyone, especially me?
Rachel: (Is embarrassed for a moment, but it quickly passes) Well, now I don't have to. (The man leaves instantly)
Rachel: Oh yeah! But you know what? If you need Hugsy, don't worry. Emma will totally understand. I won't... but whatever (She leaves the room).
Rachel: Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I dont really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister isnt that like incest or something?! Oh my God, and theyre gonna have sex! Oh! Oh no what if he marries her too?! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I cant stop it! I cantI dont own Ross! Yknow? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do! And oh my God, I cant believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this terrible. Oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
Rachel: God, I hope he doesn't show up. Of course he's not gonna show up, the guy hates me.
Rachel: Come on Phoebe, look at that! They are not breaking up, look at them. Okay thats, you know what that is? That is a, that is a second date, thats what that is! Look at that, she just put her hand on his thigh...
Ross: (going up to Rachels closed door) Chandler? (He opens the door and looks inside and doesnt see him.) Chandler? (He checks the bathroom and still doesnt find him. He then finds a note on the counter. He picks it up and reads it.)
Joey: Yeeeeaaaahhh! What's messing you up? The wine? The candles? The moonlight? You've just got to go up to her and say, 'Rachel, I think that...' (Rachel comes into the room behind them)
Chandler: You told us both we could be in the wedding? (they both stare at Rachel)
(They realize the implication of their behavior, stop instantly and head for his bedroom. In the meanwhile, Joey is starring at Rachel in a seductive way.)
Rachel: I’m telling you guys, we followed them out to a house in Westchester, the went in for like forty-five minutes and then they came out looking pretty happy!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are hosting a New Year's party. So the place is crowded and in a shameless promotion for NBC they're watching Jay Leno's coverage of New Year's from Time Square.]
Monica: Okay, so it doesnt involve Ross or Rachel or Chandler or Joey. But, what about Pete?
Rachel: Yeah, so what is she, like a... like a spokesmodel, or an aerobics instructor, what?
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler enters. Rachel and monica are seated at the table.]
Rachel: Yeah! Oh, and then afterwards you can take her to the Four Seasons for drinks. Or you go downtown and listen to some jazz. Or dancingOh! Take her dancing!
Rachel: I dont know Tag! How can your genitals make phone calls? Okay? Its not a perfect world! Just go please.
Rachel: (seeing him) Wow! H-umm! Hi! Yes, uh Im sorry the models are actually down the hall.
Rachel: Well, y'know what, no, you do not make my decisions because y'know what, you're fired.
Rachel: Ssshyeah, well, duh! I mean...
Joey: Yeah. We figured when we couldnt find you, youd gone home to make up with Rachel. Which is probably what you shoulda done. Huh?
Phoebe: Ok, I've got milk (takes thermos from her bag and starts to pour a cup) Here you go... (Rachel drinks straight from thermos) Oh!(Rachel finishes thermos) Better?
Rachel: Oh that's so great, now Emma has two Hugsy's.
Rachel: Oh, really, really good. But enough about me, come on! Where-where are you from? What do you do?
Rachel: Oh, that was just my crazy friend. She told me I should get off the plane, because she had a feeling that there was something wrong with the left Philange.
Rachel: How many guesses do you get?
Rachel: No Mon, you want to put them in concentric circles. I want to do this.
Rachel: Well, I wouldn't know because I got so freaked out that I hung up the phone.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is entering looking for Joey, but instead he finds Paul and Rachel making out on the couch.]
(Rachel opens the trash chute, winces at the smell, and throws the garbage bag in. She then tries to throw the pizza box in, but since its so big she jams it into the opening and it prevents the door from closing. She then turns around too see Mr. Treeger watching her.)
Rachel: And if you need anything else, I(notices the handsome Dr. Franzblau)do not believe we've met. Hi. I'm, uh, Rachel Green. I'm Carol's... ex-husband's... sister's roommate.
Ross: Just can't believe I'm in Rachel Green's room.
RACHEL: Yeesss.
Rachel: Pheebs, I dont think anyone's mad about that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler and Joey are there as Rachel returns from her interview.]
Rachel: Im sorry your wife is gay. I guess women arent that great either.
Rachel: No. No no no no no. That's Rodney McDowell. Andie McDowell is the guy from Planet of the Apes.
Phoebe: Yeah. (BEAT) Oh, I know what we can do. We could set Ross and Rachel up on horrible dates, so that they'll realise how good they are together.
Rachel: Yes! (spells it) Y-E-S. Yes!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, continued from earlier. Chandler is showing Rachel the ring.]
[Scene: Rachel's party, Rachel is on the balcony, Monica goes there also]
(They both sit down and Rachel pours them both some coffee. Theyre acting like nothings happened and everyone is just staring at them.)
Monica: Chandler, relax its not a contest. (To Rachel) Certainly not a close one.
Rachel: Oh its all right. Im guess Im just done with the whole dating thing. Its one more thing in my life thats suddenly completely different. This is hard.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch. Rachel is working.]
Rachel: Aww, Joey, come here. (She takes his hand.) Look honey, I know this must be really, really difficult for you and I--Oh, I'm sorry. Am I hurting you?
[Scene: Mr. Zelner's office, Rachel has come back again to try and do that second interview.]
Rachel: My father had an heart attack... (crying) ...while I was at Barney’s.
Rachel: Ok, well Monica, suppose one of your "special" tickets win? How are you gonna feel when you win the lottery and you lose all your friends?
Rachel: Nooo! Phoebe, of course there is more! I mean, I'll just go and talk to Monica and get an ETA on the pee-pee's!
[Scene: The guest bedroom. Rachel and Monica are talking to each other.]
Emily: (on answering machine) Hello Ross? It's Emily. (Rachel runs back into the room with the tequila.) I know this is out of the blue but uh, I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, maybe I am. I keep thinking about you and I'm wondering if-if we made a mistake giving up so fast. Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul is writing something as Rachel enters.]
Ross: A pigeon, a pigeon. (previously scared Rachel turns away) No, no wait, no-no, an eagle flew in. Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird�s aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues as an act of aggression and grabs the baby on its talon. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still up lays (?) are locked in a death grip, swirling around the whirl pool, that fills the apartment.
Rachel: No, he told me. He prefers to leave certain things to the imagination.
Rachel: She was just crawling around and she found him, so I just let her sleep with him. That's all right? Isn't it?
Rachel: Really? Okay. Okay, I-Ill go upstairs. (to Paul) If-if you get me something from the car.
RACHEL: Well, I hope the ends of these sentences are good.
Rachel: Noo, thats our unbelievably loud upstairs neighbor.
Rachel: Well, y'know, if-if kids like to play with Capri pants.
Monica: Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think outside the box! (Tries to leave, but is stopped by Rachel.)
Rachel: It should be right next to my plane ticket.
RACHEL: (after a pause with everyone staring at her, she goes up to the microphone) Ya, know what Barr, I'm not gonna leave. I probably should, but I'm not, see 'cause I promised myself that I would make it through at least *one* of your weddings (da-doom-chesh). See now, tonight, all I really wanted was to make it though this evening with a little bit of grace and dignity. Well (laughing), I guess we can all agree that's not gonna happen. There's nothing really left to say except....(starts singing) "Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers (band joins in), feathers in her hair, and a dress cut down to there. She would..."
[Scene: Rachels Office, shes slinking out to where Tag works and checks to make sure no one is coming.]
Ross: (on phone) Ok, bye. (hangs up) Well, Monica's not coming, it's just gonna be me and Rachel.
Rachel: It's a uh, regatta gala.
Rachel: Why? Just because youre not mature enough to understand something like that?!
Rachel: And yet she was worth jeopardising our relationship!!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. The scene starts where we took off in the last episode with Ross seeing Joey and Rachel kissing. Rosss tares at them.]
Katie: Ohh, Joey has the nicest friends! (She punches Rachel.)
Phoebe: (coming back from the bathroom) What's up? (she sees the gift certificate in Rachel's hands) Hey, Rachel!!
CHANDLER: Hey, guys, it's after midnight, merry Christmas everyone. [Ross and Phoebe hug, Monica and Rachel hug, Chandler is left standing]