words in movies
(She throws them into the kitchen and Rachel picks them up with the handle of a large spoon. Chandler and Monica have horrified looks on their faces.)
Rachel: All right! Who's are they? Who's are they?
(Rachel turns and stares at him.)
Rachel: Well, get 'em out of here! What's wrong with you?
Rachel: (waving them in his face) Take 'em! (Joey makes a noise and jumps out of the way.) Joey, you can touch them! They're your underwear.
Joey: Oh hey, no, you're not welcome. Okay, look, I hate this! You guys keep embarrassing me! (To Monica) Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom and I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine and-and that I was playing a woman in a play. And one thing led to another and (He puts his leg on the chair and pulls up his pants leg to reveal that he now has shaved legs.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters with her nose stuck in a book.]
Rachel: Hey, Pheebs!
Rachel: What are you reading?
Rachel: Honey that sounds like fun.
Rachel: Okay.
Rachel: Oh, I read that in high school.
[Scene: Phoebe's class, the class has already started and Rachel walks in late.]
Rachel: (To Phoebe) Sorry I'm late, but I left late.
Rachel: So Pheebs, what is the book about?
Rachel: Well yeah, but then I remembered I started it and there was this pep rally and I was, I was on top of the pyramid but anywayumm, what is this book about?
The Teacher: How would you characterize the theme of this book, uh let's see here (looks at his attendance sheet), Rachel Green?
Rachel: Umm, well I would have to say that it's a, it's tragic love story.
Rachel: Oh-oh-oh, symbolism! And uh, the-the uh, wildness of the mores, which I think is-is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character.
The Teacher: Excellent! What Rachel has shrewdly observed here
Phoebe: (To Rachel) You completely stole my answer!
Rachel: Well, honey that was pretty obvious.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is there as Phoebe and Rachel return from the class.]
Rachel: Be-because I didn't want him to think I was stupid! I mean, that was really embarrassing what happened to you!
Cynthia: Oh, candles! (Notices something.) What is that? A blanket? A video camera? Oh my God! (As she storms out, Rachel returns and overhears the conversation.)
Cynthia: I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date! (She storms away and Rachel enters to confront Joey.)
Rachel: Joey, is what she just said ummOh my God. (Looks around the room.) You were actually gonna (Chandler picks this moment to return to the living room.) (Rachel stares in shock.)
Rachel: And with Chandler in the next room. What are you, what are you sick?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; continued from earlier. Joey is closing the door after Rachel leaves and is about to confront Chandler and Monica.]
Joey: Yeah, I like that. But no-no, how does that explain why Rachel found my underwear at your place?
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's class; Rachel walks in, on time this time.]
Rachel: Hi!
Rachel: (sitting down) So umm, what's this book about?
Rachel: Well, I was gonna, but I accidentally read something else.
Rachel: Vogue! Hey, so tell me about this Jane Eyre woman.
Rachel: Come on Phoebe! Dont be such a goodie-goodie!
Rachel: A cyborg?! Isn't that like a robot?!
Phoebe: Umm, Rachel and I were just discussing it and she had some very interesting insights.
The Teacher: Well, go ahead Rachel.
Rachel: Uh, thank you Phoebe. Umm, well, what struck me most when reading Jane Eyre was uh, how the book was so ahead of its time.
Rachel: Yeah, well, feminism yes, but also the robots.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are returning from class.]
Rachel: (entering, angrily) Ugh, that was so embarrassing! I can't believe you let me go on and on like that!
Rachel: That was not funny!
Rachel: Phoebe, come on! What is the big deal? I thought this was going to be something we could do together! Y'know, I thought it would be fun!
Rachel: Ohh. Oh, so you really wanted to learn. Yeah, y'know, Pheebs I just wanted to have fun. Ohh, you know who you should go with?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; Joey returns carrying a bucket of chicken, and starts going through the mail. While doing this, Monica's picture falls out. He bends over to pick it up and gasps. While he's staring at the picture, Rachel decides to come over and sees him looking at the picture.]
Rachel: (sees the picture) Oh my God! That's Monica!!
Rachel: You get away from me!! You sick, sick, sick, sick-o!!
Rachel: Joey has got a secret peephole!
Rachel: Yes! He has a naked picture of Monica! He takes naked pictures of us! And then he eats chicken and looks at them!
Rachel: Look! (Shows Ross the picture.)
Rachel: Well, what is the truth?
Rachel: Monica, is this true?
Rachel: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?
Rachel: And the video camera?
Rachel: ...if you tell me, I might do it.
Rachel: I do pilates.
Rachel: What? What carrer?
[Scene: Days Of Our Lives set, Joey is doing a scene with a co-star as Rachel watches on a monitor.]
Rachel: Ross look, look this is good for you. Okay? Lets face it, so far the guys not lovin ya! But I can turn that around! I got the inside track! We can all go out to dinner, yknow? And I can talk you up! Ross, the guy is a very, very successful lawyer!
RACHEL: Hi.
RACHEL: Oh . . .
RACHEL: That was fun Pheebs.
ROSS: Oh God.� (He hugs Rachel)
RACHEL: Wow.� So, what did you guys do?
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Rachel and Phoebe enter.)
RACHEL: See you guys.� (She closes the door.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachels I guess I have to call it that now. Rachel is reading on the couch as Ross enters.]
RACHEL: Yeah.
ROSS: Rachel, lock the door.� Lock the door,� seriously.
RACHEL: Oh, around 8:30?
RACHEL: Then, again at 9:00?
RACHEL: Aaah.� (She goes to tend Emma.)
RACHEL: (still looking at Emma) Yeah?
Rachel: Yeah, I can't *wait* to go back to work.
Rachel: (sticks her head out too) Well, get back in there and talk!
Phoebe: Wait-wait-wait-wait! So, explain something to me though, if, if nobody tagged Rachel, then isnt the play still going.
Rachel: Okay, swear you wont tell, but when Mark left he gave me a key to Joannas office. Do you wanna see the list?
Rachel: That's right!
Rachel: Oh.
Rachel: Oh, it's a Macy's bag!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are there as Ross enters with Phoebe.]
Rachel: Hi. Look um, about what happened earlier...
Rachel: Its still(Screams)Its got a tail! Get it out of here! Get it out of here!!
Rachel: Alright thanks, oh Ross could you stop by the coffee house and get me a muffin?
Melissa: I-Ive got to go. This has been so great Ray-ray! (Gunther returns with her cigarettes.) Oh, there you are. (Takes them from Gunther.) (To Rachel) Umm, so listen, just call me. Heres my card. (Hands the card over.)
Rachel: Ross, thank you. Hey, do you guys wanna go see a movie?
Rachel: Okay, you go do it! Ill come back to that set! Ill meet more actors! Ill meet em all!
RACHEL: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the uh, waiting thing?
Rachel: Oh wow, it's so beautiful...
(Rachel laughs)
Rachel: Yes, okay, oh, by the way, I just gotta say, I think it's really nice of you that even after you've moved, you still keep storing that stuff for Joey!
Rachel: Well, not this second!
Rachel: Uh, Pauls Caf�. They got great food and its really romantic.
Rachel: Ben, its Rachel! (He closes the door.) But whatever.
Rachel: I made the mistake of telling him that I was pregnant.
Rachel: What do you really want to do?
Rachel: Wha... are you kidding? I can't return this.
Rachel: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor?
Rachel: OK, thank you.
Rachel: What? You really think she's hot?
Rachel: And Joey?
Rachel: Oh, wow, Molly is just great!
Rachel: Thank you! (goes to get coffee)
Rachel: Hello.
Rachel: Yeah, it is! But youre just a kid! I mean youre 25!
Rachel: Oh wow, you are really, you're really a creep.
[Scene: Rachel's office, Rachel comes in and Gavin is there]
Rachel: I was giving you an appology and you were totally checking her out!
Phoebe: Is that a real place? (Rachels stunned) Are they hiring?
Rachel: Well, yknow I was thinking of moving the couch over here.
Rachel: Thirty. Ugh, I mean thirty! Monica, do you remember mean, old Mrs. Kreeger in the fifth grade? She was thirty!
Rachel: (returning) Wait-wait-wait, I just thought of another story about how nice Ross is!
Rachel: N-no, Emma dropped her sock.
Rachel: (sitting down next to Chandler) Im training to be better at a job that I hate, my life officially sucks.
[Scene: Rachel's office, Rachel and Gavin there, phone rings, Gavin picks it up]
Rachel: Hi!
Kim: Ohh honey come here. (Hugging Rachel.) Ohh it will be ok. Weve all been there.
Gavin: Mom, I'll call you later. Yeah. (hangs up) (to Rachel) Yes?
Rachel: Shh!
Rachel: What?
Rachel: There was nothing wrong with her! All right? She was perfectly lovely!
Rachel: Yeah, sure!
(Phoebe knocks on the door with the wine and Chandler answers it. Rachel hides next to the door.)
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Rachel: What...? Too sensitive to take care of our baby?
Phoebe: Great! Okay, good for you! (as they leave she slaps Rachel on the butt)
Rachel: What Phoebe? Wait! One time he caught me smoking he said if he ever saw me doing that again hed make me eat the entire pack.
Rachel: Mmm hmm.
Rachel: No.
Rachel: You do?
Rachel: Well Monica seems to think it's because you have feelings for me.
Ross: (to Rachel) So, hes just a nice guy. You really think this Mark doesnt want anything in exchange for helping him?
Ross: (not getting it) Yeah! Yeah! Rachel picked it out for me. She told me to trust her and you know what? I'm glad I did! I turned quite a few heads on my way over here.
Rachel: Wow! I cant believe thats our baby.
Rachel: No not that. I kissed Gavin last night.
Rachel: Yeah. It was after the party, we were on the balcony and...
Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written. No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer.
Guy: (To Rachel) So uh, I'm on my way back to the bathroom. (Ross giggles.)
(Rachel decides not to confront them and starts to walk out, knocking over a lamp in the process.)
Rachel: Who is it?
Rachel: Why?
Rachel: What?! Joey, you dont want to go on a date with a pregnant lady.
Rachel: Come on! Serious-ser-ser-seriously, what did she mean by that? (Mimicking Monica.) Especially you!
Rachel: Hey! Y'know what? You are in our apartment all the time! Okay? This is, this is just a drop in the bucket mister!
Rachel: So did I
Rachel: It's just a cold
Rachel: Oh no no no
Rachel: What?
Rachel: Right, right, yes!
Rachel: What? What's the matter?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are there as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: OK.
Rachel: I thought it was Ross.
Rachel: There isn't. There is totally isn't.