words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When Youre Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Rachel: (looking at her fingers) Oh my God! Let me see that! (Grabs the book from him.)
Rachel: Hi!
Rachel: Oh Pheebs thats so sweet(Grabs a pair of pants)Ooh, those are so cute!
Monica: (entering) Oh good youre all here. Thanksgiving tomorrow, four oclock. (To Rachel) Oh, guess who I invited. Remember that guy Will Colbert from high school?
Rachel: No.
Rachel: Wow! I dont remember him. Honey, are you sure youre not talking about your imaginary boyfriend.
Rachel: Oh thats nice.
Monica: All right! Okay, its just Phoebe. Wills still on a diet, Chandler doesnt eat Thanksgiving food, and Rachels having her aversion to poultry.
Rachel: Remember I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?
Joey: Thats right! Cause Im a Tribbiani! (To Rachel) And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we dont read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!
Monica: Hey, isnt weird to think about how next year at this time theyll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachels! But good to know where youre at!
Monica: Good. And Rachel Green too. (Will stops suddenly.)
Rachel: (entering, carrying a baking dish) Hi!
Will: (glaring at Rachel) Rachel Green.
Will: Look at her standing there with those yams! My two greatest enemies Ross: Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates.
Rachel: (sees Will) Oh my God Monica, who is that?
Rachel: Oh! I do not remember him! Wow! He's really got that sexy, smoldering thing going on. (We see Will angrily staring at Rachel.) Oh my God, hes Look at the way hes just staring at me. I think hes trying to mouth something to me, but I cant make it out. (Will mouths, "I hate you.")
(They sit down at the table and Will goes to talk to Rachel.)
Rachel: Hi! Will, right?
Rachel: Hi! Im Rachel Green.
Rachel: Really?! Arent you sweet! I gotta tell you though, I am, I am having the hardest time placing you. Oh-oh hang on! Did we umm, did we fool around at Lance Davis graduation party?
Rachel: Thank you!
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why dont you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
Joey: (To Rachel) Its like me when I was born.
Rachel: All right, who would uh, like some yams? Will?
Rachel: What? (Joey starts offering Ross some turkey.) Oh yknow what? Can we please keep the chicken and the turkey and everything on the other side of the table? The smell is just yuck!
Rachel: Im sorry. What?
Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. (Does a fake hair flip.)
Rachel: Umm, Im sorry. Do you-do you have a problem with me?
Monica: (To Rachel) Apparently you were umm, a little mean to him in high school.
Rachel: Im-ImI had no idea. Im sorry. I
Rachel: Uh Will umm, I just want to say that Im real sorry for whatever I-I did to you in high school
Rachel: You had a club?!
Will: Thats right, The I Hate Rachel Green Club!
Rachel: Whoa! My God! So what, you all just joined together to hate me?! Who else was in this club?
Rachel: (To Ross) So you were in an I Hate Rachel club?
Rachel: So who else was in this club?
Rachel: So Ross, we went out for two years, and you never told me you were in an I Hate Rachel club.
Rachel: Okay Monica, did you know about this?!
Ross: co-founded. Co-founded the club was because I was insanely in love with you. Obviously I didnt handle it very well. But if you think about it the I Hate Rachel Club was really the I Love Rachel Club.
Will: Uh, except that it was really the I Hate Rachel Club.
Rachel: Okay. So what? You guys would just like get together and like just say mean things about me?
Rachel: What rumor?
Rachel: Ross!
Rachel: What?!
Rachel: (shocked) Oh my God!
Rachel: What?! You heard that?! (Goes and stands behind Joey.)
Rachel: Oh no!!!! Oh my God!! This is all making so much sense to me now! This is why Adam Carter wouldnt go out with me! This is why Billy Tratt would just stay in this region! (Motions to her breasts.) (Joey has turned around.)
Rachel: Monica, how come you never told me this?!
(Joey is now looking at Rachel, and since Rachels standing and hes sitting down and hes not looking at her face You get the picture.)
Rachel: Joey stop staring! Theres nothing there! Its not true!
Rachel: Oh! (Hits him and storms out.)
Rachel: (entering carrying a book) Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, "Dear Rach, youre such a good person." Not girl! Person!
Rachel: (reading what he wrote again) "Dear Rach, youre a great person. Sorry about your tiney-wienie." (Will laughs.)
Rachel: Yes!
Rachel: I dont care how long ago it was! You told people that I was half and half! Yknow what? I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school.
Rachel: What?
Ross: (shocked) (To Rachel) How did you know that?!!!!
Rachel: Yes it is! I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog!
Rachel: Ohh, theres a picture of her in the yearbook actually.
Ross: Only when it was damp!! (To Rachel) I cant believe you-you told people about this?! Everybody knew?! Yknow what? (To Will) Im back in the club!
Rachel: WhPhoebe!!
Rachel: All right, yknowFine! You guys have your stupid little club, but I would just like to say is what you did to me is way worse than what I did to you! You gave me a tiney-wienie! (Will laughs.)
Monica: All right, listen youre just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll!
Rachel: Wow
Monica: And Ross, if it werent for Rachels rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map!
Rachel: Shes right.
Rachel: You can keep those pants by the way.
Rachel: Hi! (to mr Zellner) Excuse us.
Rachel: Jurassic Park could happen.
[Time lapse. The gang is sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is at the head of the table, Mr and Mrs Geller are to his right. Joey and Ross are to his left. Monica is serving things. Phoebe is in the living room and Rachel is at the sink.]
Rachel: No. No, she told me his name was Ken Adams.
Rachel: So uh, so did anything happen? Because rumor has it you guys shut the drapes!
<Ross and Rachel are putting baby stuff together like they're going to be going somewhere.>
ROSS: Until now. [jumps on Rachel on the bed]
Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life Im doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life Im doing something that Im actually good at. I mean. if you dont get that...
Rachel: Im not saying that Im a lesbian! Im just saying that this happened!
Rachel: Oh no, at the Grammies I always win.
Rachel: (glaring at him) Joey
Rachel: Ugh, it was horrible! And-and the interview part went so well, y'know? I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah! If you've got enough life jackets!" (She starts laughing; Chandler and Joey are not amused.) Trust me, it was actually, it was very funny. Anyway, so we were saying good-bye and ugh!
Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)
(Rachel finally manages to open the door, but the door chain is on.)
RACHEL: What? [in surprise she forgets she has the pigeon in the pot and lets it get away]
Rachel: Huh, yeah I guess we are roommates now.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are finishing up some cookies.]
Rachel: Okay, yknow what?! I know-I know how to settle this! All right here, this is what were gonna do! Im gonna write Joey on one napkin (does so) and Im gonna right Ross on the other napkin (does so) and we are going to pick one! And that person is going to be our backup! Okay?
[Scene: Rachels office, Rachel and a co-worker (Sophie) are dealing with the crisis.]
Rachel: He carries a briefcase.
RACHEL: Phoebe, I thought your dad was in prison.
Rachel: Awww, stop. Come on. Now go shave that head!
Rachel: No, I have all of the good words. OK, fine, fine, we can switch.
Monica: "Hi Im Rachel, is my sweater too tight? No? Oh, Id better wash it and shrink it!"
Big Nosed Rachel: Not for me. Chip and I broke up!
Rachel: Im having dinner with my dad tomorrow night, do you wanna come?
Ross: No, no, no. Technically the... sex is not... being had, but that's... see, that's not the point. See, um, the point is that... Rachel and I should be, er, together. You know, and if you get in the.... um...
Rachel: Monica, Im your best friend.
Rachel: Wow, I really get crabby when I cook.
Rachel: No, not really. I mean you've seen me naked hundreds of times.
Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Rachel: Sure. I guess. Hey, I hear you don't have to go to London. Yay!
Rachel: (Faking crying.) Yeah, he dumped me. He said, "Rachel, I cant do this. Even though you are a very, very, very beautiful women. I cant do this. Im married and Im sorry." And then I dont know why but he said, "and you will never get promoted. Especially not above Kim, who is an integral cog in the Ralph Lauren machine."
Rachel: Yeah, he's back. Is that a problem?
Rachel: Or. We could put a hat on his head.
Rachel: You mean the mom you met in Montauk. She was a cat?!
Rachel: Noo! Maybe! I, I dont know. Ross, I still cant forgive you for what you did, I cant, I just, but sometimes when Im with you I just, I feel so...
(Rachel rips one of the wall and finds a huge hole underneath.)
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Rachel: You put holes in my baby's ears!
Rachel: Its okay. Sometimes, things dont work out the way youd thought they would.
Rachel: Okay. Oh wait! One more thing umm, do-do we still need to uh settle the question of "us?"
Rachel: Yeah. (turns around) Hi Mark!
Rachel: (grabbing a beer out of the chairs fridge) I am so psyched I kept this chair for myself!
Ross: Oh well thats great, so I guess this is ah, this is good bye then. Huh? (picks a pad up off Rachels desk and tosses it into his box) Good bye.
Mr. Geller: (going downstairs) Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shiningOh no. (Chip has shown up and the four are leaving.)
Phoebe: What a great night, Chandler cant do it, these guys kissed (Points to Ross and Rachel.)
Rachel: Joey has got a secret peephole!
RACHEL: Well, then, you'll just have to eat the other lamps.
Rachel: What, what, so that you can dance with the woman that stole your credit card?
Monica: Well, instead of being sad that tonight is my last night together with Rachel we thought wed go out to dinner and celebrate the fact that Rachel is moving in with Phoebe.
Rachel: No! I mean come on! This is a huge deal! (She sits next to him on the couch.) Fine I wantI need more details, who-who initiated the first kiss?
(Rachel enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Ross looks annoyed)
Rachel: Oops. Sorry! Well, good thing you number all of them, huh?
Monica: When Rachel was with Paulo, what did you do?
(Ross walks down the aisle with Phoebe and Rachel on his arms.)
Monica: Yeah, but I love you more. Besides yknow, nothing goes with Bing. So Im screwed. I mean (Rachel hands Emma to Monica.) Oh, hi Emma. Yeah, thats you. Youre our little Em. Oh whats that honey? What? Oh, you want a little cousin? (To Chandler) You want a cousin right now?!
Rachel: I am still talking!! And then you chase away the one guy that I actually liked! I mean, no offense to you guys. Really! I mean (To Patrick) congratulations on all the cash, (He nods) and-and yknow(Feels Eldads hair)Wow! You do have very soft hair! But I would much rather go to the ball all by myself than go through anymore of this! Good-bye! (Grabs her stuff, starts to leave, then turns back suddenly, and to Eldad) Now do you use some sort of special conditioner on that hair?!
Rachel: Hi. Ohhh, you got my message.
Phoebe: Shhh! Stop it! Stop it Rachel! You cant do this here! (She drags her into the bathroom.)
(Phoebe starts to listen at the other wall, where Rachel's room is. There, Joey and Rachel are kissing.)
Rachel: Oh, what is wrong with me lately? I mean its like every guy I seeI mean look here. (Points behind them) Look at that guy for example, I mean normally thats not someone I would-would be attracted to, but right now, with the way Im feeling, all I want to do is rip off his sweatpants and fanny pack.
Monica: (running over to stop Rachel) Hey Rach, the tampons here are only a penny. Lets stock up. (takes her into the bathroom)
Rachel: (fake disappointment) All right. All right Phoebe I will let you have him, but you owe me; you owe me big!
Rachel: Oh!! I love this job! (her phone rings) Wow! My first call.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are still arguing over the phone.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is there as Phoebe and Rachel enter wearing workout clothes.]
(They pick up the couch and after throwing off the last pillow; Rachel helps out on Chandler's end.)
Ross: I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life. (Rachel starts looking around and down, with a 'What the hell is going on?' look on her face.)
(Ross and Rachel enter with Emma in Rachel's hands)
RACHEL: This is it, isn't it? I mean, this is what my life is gonna be like. My mom there, my dad there. Thanksgiving, Christmas. She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker. Oh, Chandler how did you get through this?
Rachel: Well this has story behind it! I mean they had to ship it all the way from the White Plains store.
Julie: Have you felt Rachels cervix Ross?
Rachel: My God! (They both run into the bedrooms.)
Rachel: Oh my God! Oh my God!! Ohh, Jessica Lockhart!! In my apartment!! I am such a huge fan! I am such a huge fan!
Rachel: Ross, um, don’t forget to get a shot of Emma’s cake. It’s in a box in the fridge.
MONICA: Hi, welcome home. [pulls Rachel inside] I need to borrow a hundred bucks.
Rachel: No, no, no, no turtles scare me. I don't need that today.
Rachel: Okay! (Runs and grabs a book and hands it to Monica.) Okay! Here!
Chandler: (pause) Yes. (to Rachel) Okay, theres this one guy, Patrick, I think youre gonna like him, hes really nice, hes funny, hes a swimmer.
Rachel: What if she jumped out the bassinet?
Rachel: Yes you are! Oh, I am so proud of you!
Rachel: Oh screw her, that part is mine!
Rachel: Ross, you got that for free from the museum gift shop.
RACHEL: Listen honey, can you keep dad occupied, I'm gonna go talk to mom for a while.
Rachel: Oh, Im fine. (Gasps in pain as she sits down.)
Rachel: I mean, it-it was like, it was like he made us into a team.
Emily: How can you do this too me?! I thought I'd made my feelings about Rachel perfectly clear!
Rachel: I also said number one.
Rachel: Cmon, seriously, you guys, youre not going to make me watch this alone!
Rachel: Here you go Pheebs. Who else wants one of my special homemade brownies?
Monica: All right Rachel, you sweep behind, Ill pitch it to you, you throw it down field to Phoebe. All right. Break.
Phoebe: Oh, theres a cab! Taxi!! (The cab stops and she opens the door.) Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. (Pushes Rachel in and closes the door.)
Rachel: Oh, I love to ski! How amazing is this?!
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Rachel is entering as Ross comes out of the kitchen carrying popcorn.]
Rachel: But I insist harder!
RACHEL: She'll be a much better friend when the market closes.
Rachel: Im just visiting my good friend Carol.
RACHEL: He just kept asking, and asking, and asking, and asking, and asking, and asking.
Rachel: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool!