words in movies
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
Monica: Youre his bitch.
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Phoebe: Yeah! Or too, you could be two stockbrokers and youre-youre-youre rolling around naked on the trading floor and everybodys watching! (Ross looks at her.) It never happened.
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay look, Chandler, if this (Motions back and forth indicating the arrangement.) you have got to listen! (Tugs on his ear.) (Chandler glares at him.) Youre gonna throw that juice at me, arent ya?
Monica: Oh my God! Thats great! Oh wow! (Hugs him.) Youre a published writer! I wish I had a present for you!
Joey: (entering) Hey! Hey Chandler look, I know youre mad, but I just want to say Im sorry. I-I was a total jerk. Completely o-over the line. Uh, I just I hate pulp! Yknow? I mean, yknow how Monica feels about low fat mayonnaise?
Monica: Well, youre not.
Rachel: Oh, its so easy for you I mean, youre not married, you get to have sex with who ever you want!
Rachel: Oh my God! Youre a 30 year old virgin!
Phoebe: Okay! Okay! (Puts it out and comes out of the bathroom.) Im so glad youre here.
Dr. Drake Remoray: Thats right Wesley! I just stopped by to say that, youre not a real doctor! And that womans brain, is fine!
Dr. Drake Remoray: Youre not dying Hope, youre gonna live a long, healthy life. With me.
Joey: Pretty cool, huh? But if youre thinking you can put a fish in there and it wouldnt get sucked up into the mechanism, well youd be wrong.
Monica: I hope youre hungry, were starting with oysters. And yknow what they say about oysters, dont you?
Monica: And then were gonna have a little Middle Eastern cous-cous. Something we can eat, with our hands.
Ross: Were really gonna do this, huh?
Chandler: Im sorry youre here with me instead of Roger.
Rachel: Joey, youre such an amazing actor! (He smiles.) How do you know where Dr. Drake Remoray leaves off and Joey Tribbiani begins?
Monica: Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too. So even if youre horrible, how would I know?
Chandler: Stop it! Were doing this! Lets do it!
Ross: Look at you! Youre up!
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Youre not gonna use the pay phone to call work, are ya?
Joey: (not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carols great and Im sure youre a very attractive man, but I .
Joey: Huh. But still Ross, youre worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day! Yknow what I mean?
Chandler: Oh. Oh right! Right! Because youre still seeing him and uh, hes a good guy. I mean, I remember a time when (He fakes falling asleep.)
Monica: Yknow, I dont have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. (He laughs halfheartedly) Are you sure youre okay?
Phoebe: Youre in my office! Look, I have made a lot of cash for this company! Okay? I am talking big bucks! Pesos! Yen! Rubles! You make one little mistake
Rachel: Me? Im great! Im fine! Im sooo good!! But, you know whos not great?! Men! Youre a man right Ross?!
Rachel: Let me uh, let me ask you something, do wedding vows mean squat to you people?! And why is it that the second we tell you were going out of town, bamn there you are in bed with the neighbors dog walker?!
Ross: Were sorry.
Chandler: Look you have to realize I dont think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. (Monica glares at him.) See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is youre Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
Monica: And yet, were still poking him.
Rachel: I hope its still funny when youre in hell.
Ross: All right, were gonna play.
Rachel: You dont pick me! Youre stuck with me!
Monica: (to Ben) Whos so brave, youre so brave, yes you are, youre so brave.
Director: Heres whats gonna happen. The musics gonna start, youre gonna dance, were gonna tape, you dont look at the camera. Any questions?
Phoebe: I know! You see it is stuff like this which is why (Looking down) youre burning in hell!!
Phoebe: I know no, no, y'know you dont deserve this, you dont Ross. Youre, youre really, youre so good. (kisses him on the cheek)
Monica: Were sorry honey.
Chandler: Wait a minute, hold the phone! Youre not Elizabeths dad?!
Ross: Fine, fine, Rachel your with Monica, Joey youre with me.
Chandler: Eh, theyre both good. I generally just go with, Monicas drunk again. (Monica glares at him.)
Chandler: Hey, yknow what, if youre gonna do that, if youre gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. (Phoebe doesnt think so.) Oh, come on! Chandlers funny, sophisticated, and hes very loveable, once you get to know him.
Joey: Because! Cause Cause youre my baby sister!
Joey: I cant hear a word youre saying, my ears are ringing so bad.
Joey: Youre smoking again?!
Chandler: (to Joey) Does this mean were gonna have to start paying for coffee? (Joey shrugs his shoulders.)
Phoebe: (rushing in) Okay. If youre alive you answer your phone!
Ross: So, you’re saying, uh, if I wear these pants I might be getting into hers?
Girl: Im not gonna tell you! Youre the bad man who broke Sarahs leg.
Rachel: No Ross!! (stands up and moves away from him) Dont! You cant just kiss me and think youre gonna make it all go away, okay? It doesnt work that way. It doesnt just make it better. Okay?
Rachel: Chandler! Youre smoking? What are you doing?!
Supervisor: Theyre always going to tell you they dont need toner, but thats okay because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it here in this script.
Phoebe: Monica, if you get five cool points, you get to make somebody take off one item of clothing. It hasnt happened yet, but were all very excited.
Erica: We’re great, I think I may have asked all my questions.
Phoebe: Whoa!! He is soo unreasonable! God, although I think I understand what he means. Oh my God, this is like 60 Minutes, okay, when, when, at first youre really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug and then y'know you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow.
{Transcibers note: Ill finish that one for those of you who dont know what theyre talking about. Where the towels are Hers and Hers and His, Threes Company too! Yeah, thats the theme song for Threes Company.}
Phoebe: You saved them! You guys! Oh God, youre the best!
Monica: Absolutely! (He goes to kiss her, but she stops him and rubs his head and says...) Now get out of here you!! (Pete leaves) (to the gang) Okay, Im running out of places I can touch him! Look, is there something wrong with me? I mean why am I only attracted to guys where theres no future? Either theyre too old, or theyre too young, and then theres Pete whos-whos crazy about me, and whos absolutely perfect for me, and theres like zip going on! I mean, seriously, does it sound like somethings wrong with me?!
Ross: When you put a D at the end of Fine youre not fine.
Girl: Youre a big scrud.
Monica: Were really sorry, but um, she did ask us first.
Rachel: Were not?!
Phoebe: (running through the door) No! Oh! Youre alive! Youre alive!
Chandler: (to him) Hi! Hi. Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store, the ring youre about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, Im gonna need to have that back. (The guy isnt sure.) But, in exchange Im willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. (Looking at the ring.) Ew.
Monica: All right, thats it, were going to the emergency room.
Ross: Oh yeah, yeah were moving forward. Youll be getting our card!
Cecilia: (running out to Joey) That was so wonderful! (Hugs him) Ohh, I think that youre a better Jessica than I ever was!
Woman: Youre no Brown Bird, I can see you through my peephole.
Phoebe: Umm, I think youre really, really great...
Rachel: Ooh, good God, theyre so yummy! (She re-ingests the previously expelled cookie matter from the tissue.)
Rachel: Please tell me youre not gonna dress up like a dinosaur.
Rachel: Huh, thats funny. You look like youre gonna be the
Richards Date: Were still on this side of the door.
Ross: No, but come on, were off to a great start arent we? I knew Id get you here fast, but this has got to be some kind of a record!
Joey: I cant believe youre not going to propose!
Joey: (seeing what theyre doing) What do you got there?
Joey: What? I I just figured since youre pregnant youre not gonna be seeing people.
Chandler: Our eyes are closed and were about to cross the street. Very good.
Ross: No, I mean its okay, I mean, theyre-theyre my friends. In fact, I-I-I was married to one of them.
Phoebe: Ugh, okay, I have an enormous crush on you. But because youre a client, I cant ask you out, even though you give me yknow, the feeling.
Chandler: (pause) Yes. (to Rachel) Okay, theres this one guy, Patrick, I think youre gonna like him, hes really nice, hes funny, hes a swimmer.
Rachel: Wow! I dont remember him. Honey, are you sure youre not talking about your imaginary boyfriend.
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
Rachel: I bet youre a Gemini.
Rachel: Well since Im movin out and-and youre so beautiful
Rachel: Well, actually Gunther sent me. Youre not allowed to have cups out here, its a thing. (takes her cup and goes back inside)
Ross: No, were not!!
Ross: Actually, no, were not.
Ross: No, were not.
Rachel: Theyre not!! Ross, theyre just saving them for the important people!! Okay?! What-what if I was the president?!
Phoebe: Were all right.
Phoebe: Were all right.
Joey: All right look, Ross, hes right. Emilys great, shes great! But this way too soon, youre only gonna scare her!
Rachel: Oh so you know that, you guys talked about that, so you get along, so you think youre gonna go out?
Rachel: Okay. Oh wait, wait-wait, youre not gonna come with me?
Chandler: Youre arranging flowers! (Pointing to the dish on the table.) You got dead flowers! You got a picture, a picture, of a baby dressed like flowers! This is not Joey!!
Joey: But youre spittin all over me man!
Ross: Yeah, youre right.
Ross: Oh, you-youre-youre one to talk.
Joey: What is the big deal? Its not like were exclusive.
Ross: Youre welcome.
Judge: And finally that you were unable to consummate the marriage. Well, that makes sense since youre gay and addicted to heroin.
Joey: Great! Thanks! Youre gonna love her so much. AndOh, shes the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. Hey, yknow the S.A.Ts?
Monica: Youre right, Im sorry. Its not like youre yknow, going out with an ex-girlfriend.
Kate: He happens to be brilliant. Which is more than I can say for that sweater youre dating.
Joey: Im gonna miss you, youre the hottest roommate I ever had.
Leslie: Aw, youre right, youre right. Im sorry.
Ross: Now, how will they know if youre ready?
Chandler: And youre our age. Youre our age.
Chandler: Ahhhh, youre not Mary-Angela.
Joey: (To Monica) Okay! Look-look-look, uh, if youre gonna be moving in with him I feel its my responsibility to tell you the truth about him! Okay? Hes a terrible roommate! Terrible! He uh, forgets to umm Oh-oh he always, he always ummOh, who am I kidding! Hes the best roommate ever! (Hugs Chandler.)
Rachel: Yes. (Pause) Youre not asking are you?
Janice: Oh, my Bing-a-ling. Ill wait for you. Do you even know how long youre going to be gone?
Monica: It was great! It was great! How about you?! I mean youre having a baby!
Chandler: I just get mad when Rachel doesnt remember where were going.
Monica: Youre kidding?! Thats great!
Monica: All right, I know youre hurting, and-and I want to be supportive, but dont say that again.
Rachel: (entering) Hey! (Sees Monica, gasps, and runs over to her.) Oh my God youre here, let me see your hand!!
Phoebe: Oh my God! Youre getting a massage! You never let me massage you!!
Phoebe: Theyre at the coffeehouse.
Rachel: Well then youre going to have to take her out again.
Phoebe: Well if we make it yesterday, woo-hoo! Were done!
Joey: Oh. (realises) Ohh. Ohh, youre out of your mind.
Pete: Youre good. Youre good!
Ross: No youre not.
Chandler: Look, it really is gonna be okay. The important thing is that we love each other and that were gonna get married.
Phoebe: Well, this doesnt have to be so sad though. Yknow? Maybe instead of just thinking about how much youre gonna miss each other, you should like think of the things youre not gonna miss.
Mark: Why do all youre coffee mugs have numbers on the bottom?