words in movies
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
Monica: Youre his bitch.
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Phoebe: Yeah! Or too, you could be two stockbrokers and youre-youre-youre rolling around naked on the trading floor and everybodys watching! (Ross looks at her.) It never happened.
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay look, Chandler, if this (Motions back and forth indicating the arrangement.) you have got to listen! (Tugs on his ear.) (Chandler glares at him.) Youre gonna throw that juice at me, arent ya?
Monica: Oh my God! Thats great! Oh wow! (Hugs him.) Youre a published writer! I wish I had a present for you!
Joey: (entering) Hey! Hey Chandler look, I know youre mad, but I just want to say Im sorry. I-I was a total jerk. Completely o-over the line. Uh, I just I hate pulp! Yknow? I mean, yknow how Monica feels about low fat mayonnaise?
Monica: Well, youre not.
Rachel: Oh, its so easy for you I mean, youre not married, you get to have sex with who ever you want!
Rachel: Oh my God! Youre a 30 year old virgin!
Phoebe: Okay! Okay! (Puts it out and comes out of the bathroom.) Im so glad youre here.
Dr. Drake Remoray: Thats right Wesley! I just stopped by to say that, youre not a real doctor! And that womans brain, is fine!
Dr. Drake Remoray: Youre not dying Hope, youre gonna live a long, healthy life. With me.
Joey: Pretty cool, huh? But if youre thinking you can put a fish in there and it wouldnt get sucked up into the mechanism, well youd be wrong.
Monica: I hope youre hungry, were starting with oysters. And yknow what they say about oysters, dont you?
Monica: And then were gonna have a little Middle Eastern cous-cous. Something we can eat, with our hands.
Ross: Were really gonna do this, huh?
Chandler: Im sorry youre here with me instead of Roger.
Rachel: Joey, youre such an amazing actor! (He smiles.) How do you know where Dr. Drake Remoray leaves off and Joey Tribbiani begins?
Monica: Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too. So even if youre horrible, how would I know?
Chandler: Stop it! Were doing this! Lets do it!
Ross: Look at you! Youre up!
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Youre not gonna use the pay phone to call work, are ya?
Joey: (not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carols great and Im sure youre a very attractive man, but I .
Joey: Huh. But still Ross, youre worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day! Yknow what I mean?
Chandler: Oh. Oh right! Right! Because youre still seeing him and uh, hes a good guy. I mean, I remember a time when (He fakes falling asleep.)
Monica: Yknow, I dont have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. (He laughs halfheartedly) Are you sure youre okay?
Phoebe: Youre in my office! Look, I have made a lot of cash for this company! Okay? I am talking big bucks! Pesos! Yen! Rubles! You make one little mistake
Rachel: Me? Im great! Im fine! Im sooo good!! But, you know whos not great?! Men! Youre a man right Ross?!
Rachel: Let me uh, let me ask you something, do wedding vows mean squat to you people?! And why is it that the second we tell you were going out of town, bamn there you are in bed with the neighbors dog walker?!
Ross: Were sorry.
Monica: I cant think of anything were doing. (Quietly) Why cant I think of anything were doing?
Mrs. Geller: Youre not going to say anything? On our 35th wedding anniversary
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, theyre returning from the party.]
Rachel: Theyre having their baby! Its not fair Ross we got here first! Right after you left they wheeled her off into delivery. Oh but not before she gave me a juicy shot of little Jamie just crowning away.
Monica: Okay thats it. I give up. At mom and dads 40th anniversary, youre the one giving the speech.
Rachel: Okay Joey honey, youre doing really good! All right, now Im just gonna need you to step to the port side. (Joey pauses as he tries to remember which side is the port side.) Remember? Remember how we talked about the port side?
Ross: Shhh! Were not talking.
Monica: (To Chandler) You think were being obvious?
Joey: All right look, yknow how-yknow how when youre dating someone and you dont want to cheat on them, unless its with someone really hot?
Joey: I think youre right.
Passenger: If youre planning on doing that throughout the entire flight. Please tell me now. So that I could that a sedative...or perhaps slip you one.
Monica: Joey! Youre doing great!
Joey: Rach! Hey! Its fine! Youre at Joeys!
The Interviewer: Now, off the record, youre not
Monica: (entering) Did I miss it? (Phoebe nods no.) Rachel, I-I want you to know that, if its positive, were gonna
Chandler: Youre turning into a woman.
Joey: Hey, youre the one that loves the picture.
Joey: But youre still moving in together, right? Because my ad came out today. (Shows him the paper.)
Ross: Yknow, I dont think were going to settle this.
Joey: All right Chandler, youre up.
Ross: What?! While shes been going through this hell, youve been making money?! Youre betting on your friend staying in this misery?! (Phoebe lowers her head and shakes it yes.)
Ross: Yknow what? Youre just upset because youre losing.
Mrs. Green: Oh youre gonna do that ten times a day?
Phoebe: Okay, you guys. You guys I think I know whats going on here. Okay, you guys STOP!! (They stop.) I know that, I know that youre acting mad because you think that itll make it easier to leave. But deep down youre still really sad. Deep-deep down.
Joey: Yes! Yes, youre back in the lead!
Ray: Whenever youre ready.
Ross: Yes! Yes, youre gonna be so missed.
Mrs. Green: Youre gonna be a great father.
Rachel: I hope youre going somewhere with this.
Monica: Yknow what? Youre-youre right.
Ross: What?! Look, were trying to rebuild a relationship here, right. How am I supposed to do that here, without being totally honest with each other?
Monica: Joey! (He returns) Now that youre here
Ross: Youre just saying that 'cause I said no to your name!
Rachel: No-no-no! No, no, no, were not married.
Phoebe: Sounds like youre a little jealous.
Rachel: Oh okay, I see what youre doing there.
Phoebe: Okay, dont worry. Youre ready.
Rachel: Hi! Youre back from your date!
Chandler: You just said Of course youre my best friend. Would you please tell Rachel though?
Chandler: So youre never actually going to pay me back?
Phoebe: Youre on!
Phoebe: Fine! Youre on!
Ross: Fine! Fine! Yknow what? Whatever you want. Okay? Youre the mommy.
Ross: Youre gonna love me so much. I got Sting tickets!! (Holds up two.)
Ross: (to Rachel) Oh, youre nice to her.
Monica: Oh, stop beating yourself up! People make mistakes! These things happen! There arent any message youve forgotten to give me are there? (Chandler has a disgusted look on his face.) Apparently youre not very good at it! I
Joey: Which were still keeping under our hats!
Monica: Doesnt it ever just freak you out that-that youre never gonna be with anybody new again?
Ross: Were having a baby.
Chandler: Were not gonna lose to girls.
Rachel: Oh Ross youre so tense! You just gotta relax okay? Just need to relax all right? Just need to relax (She takes her hands off of the wheel.)
Ross: I really think theyre out of rooms.
Mona: (To Joey) Wow! Theyre both really strong.
Ross: (simultaneously as Rachel) Were not gonna do that.
Rachel: Okay Joey, were luffing a little bit, so could you tighten up the cunningham? (The mainsail has started to flap in the wind and has stopped working efficiently; she wants him to tighten it so that it starts working again.)
Ross: The nurse said theyre bringing in another woman.
Nurse: I think I know who youre talking about.
Ross: People ask me why were not together, I just dont know what to tell them.
Dr. Long: Actually, I think youre ready to go to the delivery room.
Ross: Sweetie youre doing great.
The Cooking Teacher: Were all beginners here. Nobody knows what theyre doing.
Rachel: Oh, just tell us! Were not gonna want it!
Ross: Okay! (Walks away from him.) Umm, I uh, Im your teacher. Im sorry, youre-youre a student and I-and I like women. In spite of what may be written on the backs of some of these chairs.
Ross: True, but youre allowed to be unreasonable. Youre having our baby.
Ross: Well I, close your eyes, I just think youre gonna like this a little better, cause, close-close... (He gets some more on the brush)
Monica: I cant believe were here.
Chandler: Well now-now youre just talking crazy.
Phoebe: Okay thats even sadder. Look, I know, I know what I got myself into, its just that now that theyre in me its like, its like I know them yknow, I mean-I mean, its just not gonna be easy when these little babies have to go away.
Joey: Okay, firstfirst of all, you want to make it look spontaneous. I look down (Looks down), look down, keep looking down; then I look up. (Looks up and smiles.) See? All right, now you try. Look down (Chandler looks down), youre looking down, keep looking down
Frank: Yeah, y'know I feel like I can really talk to you cause y'know youre my sister, y'know.
Monica: Okay, all right, I think youre great, I think youre sweet, and youre smart, and I love you. But you will always be the guy who peed on me.
Rachel: Yknow youre-youre probably wondering about the old date on there.
Monica: Yeah, were trying to get pregnant.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, theyre brining in yet another woman.]
Ross: Were so lucky.
Joey: Whyre you so tired?
Woman: Well you can have the suite if you want. We dont care about where we stay. Were here to celebrate our love together. We dont have to get free stuff. We just want to be together.
Pete: Look, forget the check, okay. (rips up the check) I like you. I think youre great. Come on, what do you say?
Janine: I dont know, theyre just a little blah!
Joey: And youre Okay with that?
Rachel: Youre never leaving the apartment!
Chandler: Were moving to Tulsa
Chandler: Yes, 98.6. Youre gonna be fine.
Monica: What the Yes youre too late! Where was all this three years ago?!
Melissa: You do now. Youre having dinner with me.
Kyle: Oh hey! Good, youre both here.
Joey: All right thats it! Youre yelling and I dont see you taking your top off! I quit!
Joey: Hey! Great, youre home! Guess what Phoebe got me for Christmas! (Starts drumming.)
The Porsche Owner: Listen, I-I-I dont come to this city much so I dont know if youre crazy or this is some kind of street theater, but could I have my keys.
(During the mutual contraction Julie takes a moment to point out theyre having a contraction at the same time.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is sitting on the chair, and theyre all talking.]
Ross: Okay. Now-now-now should I climb down your front so were face to face or-or should I climb down your back so were-were butt to face.
Monica: What are you talking about? We�re all together right now.
Phoebe: Oh okay, well Im sorry to bother you. Bye-bye. (Hangs up the phone.) Yeah youre right, this is easy.
Joey: Were gonna climb Mt. Everest!
Phoebe: Well, I guess they�re not coming. You wanna just order?
Rachel: Okay, in about ten seconds youre gonna see him kiss me.
Rachel: (entering carrying a book) Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, "Dear Rach, youre such a good person." Not girl! Person!
Monica: I know that youre new at this, but this is completely unacceptable bath decorum.
Joey: No, they�re comin�, we�re waitin� right here.