words in movies
[cut to a montage of scenes involving Bonnie, Ross, and Rachel from the last episode.]
Joey: (voice-over) Oh-oh! And then Rosss new girlfriend, Bonnie, shows up and Rachel convinced her to save her head. And then Ross and Rachel kiss, and now Ross has to choose between Rachel and the bald girl and I dont know what happened there either...
[Scene: The beach house, its the same scene from the end of last year, with Ross in front of the two doors of Rachels and Bonnies rooms, trying to decide which door to choose. He finally chooses the one his right and goes in.]
Ross: (surprised) Hi!
Ross: Awww.
Bonnie: (getting up and leaving) (to Ross) Okay, Ill see you in our room.
Ross: Yeah. (closes the door, and goes over and kisses Rachel.)
Ross: I know.
Ross: (stopping suddenly and getting up) Okay, I gotta go.
Ross: Well, I-I gotta go break up with Bonnie.
Ross: Well, yeah. I cant-I cant stay here all night, and if I go in there shes-shes gonna wanna... do stuff.
Ross: No, she likes that. Yeah. Faking sleep doesnt work either, I cant tell you how many mornings I woke up with her...
Ross: Whoa-oh, okay! Yeah, why am I telling you that?
Ross: Yeah, yeah. (opens the door) It wasnt every morning.
Ross: Okay.
[Scene: The beach house, Rachels bedroom. She is finishing up writing something as Ross walks through the door.]
Ross: Its over.
Ross: Well, it was loong. I didnt even realise how late it was, until I noticed the 5 oclock shadow on her head. (They both start to laugh, then stop themselves quickly.) Anyway, she didnt want to stay. I called a cab; she just left.
Ross: Ohh! Thank you! I like mail. (He goes to kiss her again, but she turns away.)
Ross: Okay. (He leans in to kiss her again, but she leans back preventing him from making contact.) Wow, its-its 5:30 in the morning. (Rachel laughs) So, Id better get cracking on this baby.
Ross: Okay, Ill be up in, (looks at the letter) 18 pages. Front and back. Very exciting.
[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Ross is passed out on the kitchen counter. He wakes up with a start and has one of the pages of the letter stuck to his face.]
Ross: Oh. (looks at his watch) Oh-oh. (takes a drink of coffee and resumes reading the letter)
Rachel: (coming down the stairs) Hey! (Ross jumps up, and quickly puts the letter back together, pretending like he has just finished it.) What happened to you? Why didnt you come up?
Ross: Done!
Ross: Well, I wanted to be thorough. I mean this-this is clearly very, very important to you, to us! And so I wanted to read every word carefully, twice!
Ross: Im sorry.
Ross: Does it? Does it? Yeah, I wanted to give that whole Does it? part just another glance.
Rachel: What are you talking about, Ross, you just said that you read it twice! Look, y'know what, either it does or it doesnt, and if you have to even think about it...
Ross: (interrupting) No, Rach, no. I dont, I dont, I dont have to think about it, in fact, Ive decided, Ive decided that, that it.......does.
(Rachel stands there for a moment, starting to cry. Then gasps and runs over and hugs him. While hugging her, Ross tries to find the Does it? part in the letter.)
Ross: Oh, sure! Im sure.
Phoebe: Well, Im ready to get the hell out of here! (Sees Ross and Rachel cuddling on the couch.) Oh. Are you? Are you?!! (they nod Yes.) Ohh! Thats so great!! Ooh, not for Bonnie. (they nod No.) But for you, yay! Ohh.
Ross: Hey!
Ross: What happened?
Ross: It does. It really and truly does.
(Rachel kisses him, and goes upstairs. After shes gone, Ross frantically tries to find and read the Does it? part.)
Ross: (finding the part) (looks up in disgust) It so does not!!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler about the letter.]
Ross: She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went wrong in our relationship. I mean she goes on for five pages about, about how I was unfaithful to her! (Both Joey and Chandler shrug their shoulders as to say Well...) (yelling) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!
Ross: Fine! Fine! But this break-up was not all my fault, and she, she says here, (reading from the letter) If you accept full responsibility... (to Chandler and Joey) Full responsibility! ...I can begin to trust you again. Does that seem like something you can do. (yells at Joey) Does it?!!
Chandler: Look, Ross, you have what you want, youre back with Rachel. If you bring this up now youre gonna wreck the best thing that even happened to you.
Ross: (calming down) Yeah, I know. I mean, no, youre right. Yeah I guess Ill let it go. But you-you understand how-how hard it is to forget about this.
Ross: What the hell happened on that beach?!
Joey: Its between us and the sea, Ross!
(Ross laughs and has a Come on... look on his face as he looks and Chandler who nods his head in agreement with Joey. Ross is stunned.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are sitting at the table eating dinner and not talking. Ross and Rachel are outside cuddling on the balcony.]
Ross: (coming back in with Rachel) Hey, you guys! What do you, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?
Ross and Rachel: Come on!
Ross: What happened? Joey?
Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!
Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel: (turning to look at Joey) Ewwww!!
[Scene: Rachels bedroom. Ross and Rachel have just finished consummating the new relationship.]
Ross: I missed you too.
Ross: (getting miffed) I suppose.
Rachel: You have! Ross, you should give yourself credit. I mean my Mom never thought this would work out. It was all, Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Ross: (getting angry) Umm-hmm.
Ross: (yelling from the bedroom) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!!
Ross: And for the record, it took two people to break up this relationship!!
Ross: I didnt know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didnt finish the whole letter!
Ross: I fell asleep!
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R means your!
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
Rachel: (to Monica) Sorry!! (to Ross) I just feel bad about all that sleep youre gonna miss wishing you were with me!
Ross: Oh, no-no-no dont you worry about me falling asleep. I still have your letter!!!
ROSS: [childishly] OK. OK, this is a picture frame from Ben to my parents, huh.
[Scene: Delmonico's. Ross is still waiting for his date and drinking wine. The waiter comes up to him again.]
Ross: Why dont you come, I mean, I-I have two tickets, why not?
Joey: (pointing to the TV) Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here. Thats called a scrum, okay? Its kinda like a huddle.
Monica: (fingering her elbow): Ross?
Ross: (stares at her briefly) Okay, why are you here?
Monica: Oh, she was a cruel, cranky, old bitch! (Ross gives her a look) (to Ross) And Im sorry she died. Did Dad say I get the dollhouse?
Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, youre, youre, youre making this too hard.
(they both run off, leaving Ross, Phoebe and Rachel stunned.)
Ross: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, yknow no commitment.
Joey: Guys, do you think we should ask Ross to come along?
[Scene: A hallway, Ross is selling Brown Bird cookies for Sarah, he stops and knocks on a door.]
ROSS: Hey, we can rescedule for Saturday.
Ross: she came and dragged me out of the labor room to ask me why Im not with Rachel.
Monica: (lying on the couch suffering from her cold) Ross isn't here.
Ross: Don't make jokes now.
Ross: With the circus? He's behind the elephant.
Ross: (nonchalantly) I'm never gonna find love again.
(Two girls sitting at a table next to them look up in disgust, and Ross and Joey move away)
Monica: I know what you need, you need a bodyguard. Hey Ross, what is Ben doing after preschool?
Monica: Relax, Ross. She's not made of ice cream!
Ross: How do you think it's gonna look when you get her something incredibly meaningful and expensive and her boyfriend Joey gives her an orange?
Ross: Well sure. But I get married all the time so
(Joey moves close to Ross and whispers something in his ear)
Ross: Oh no, no, no, wait, wait, Isabella. Dont, dont just dismiss this so fast. I mean this is a once in a lifetime opportunity...
Rachel: Okay. So these signals Ross, explain this to me, cause maybe I need to be more careful. I mean, am I sending you these signals right now?
Ross: Oh, on a date. Yeah, I met this girl on the train going to a museum upstate.
Ross: Rach, I promise first thing tomorrow we'll find another doctor, but I gotta get up early and I'm not feeling all that well.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are there. Phoebe walks in ringing a bell.]
Joey: Yeah! I was thinking about maybe going upstairs and taking a little nap on my couch. (Raises his eyebrows, questioning Ross to see if he wants to join him.)
[Scene: Dr. Longs Office, Ross and Rachel are waiting for the doctor. Ross is drumming his fingers on the bed.]
Ross: God that is the most beautiful engagement ring ever!
Ross: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, but then the coffee table won't be centered in the seating area.
[Scene: The playground. Ross put Emma on the swing and they’re ready to play]
Ross: What kind of job is that for a man? A nanny? I-It's like if a woman wanted to be...
Ross: Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for like six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was: "My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."
Monica: Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.
Ross: Youre weird today. (He turns to Rachel and Joey puts the ring back.) (To Rachel) Listen I uh, wanted to talk to you about something.
Monica: Ross, cough drops, please?
Ross: Yeah, we kissed, but... nothing else... nothing else happened, okay.
Ross: Oh good, you scared me for a minute.
Ross: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we?
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross is checking his messages.]
Joey: Nope. (To Ross) Man look at this! Ross, I cant believe you said youd play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!
Ross: Yes, but also (Pauses to let Ben answer, but he doesnt.) Hanukkah! See, you're part Jewish, and-and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday.
Phoebe: Aw, God Ross. Oh.(goes over and hugs him)
Ross: Unagi is a state of total awareness. Okay? Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment: Ross is doing something on his laptop when Chandler walks in]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Ross is eating breakfast with Joey and Monica. Joey is walking towards Ross.]
Ross: Whats a koondis?
Ross: What are you reading? The Kidnappers Guide to Manhattan Private Schools?
Ross: Hi! Im so glad youre here, but its gonna be a while. I-I wished youd called first.
[Scene: Ross and Chandlers bank, they are there to close their accounts.]
[Scene: Monica and Phoebes, three years earlier, Phoebe, Monica, and Ross are there]
(They go around the last row of bookshelves and find a couple doing what college coeds do in secluded corners of university libraries. For those of you who dont know what Im talking about, lets just say that clothing is undone. Ross gasps and the couple gets up and runs away.)
Ross: I'm taking my time, alright? I'm laying the groundwork. Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit closer to...
Joey: Im missin picture time?! (Jumps over to look, Ross glares at him and he retreats.)
Ross: Okay, Phoebe just-just get-get on the bike andHey! Ill hold you up and-and push you. Okay?
[Scene: Central Perk - Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Ross and Rachel are sitting on the sofas. Joey enters]
Ross: It's been an hour and not one of my classmates has shown up! I tell you, when I actually die some people are gonna get seriously haunted!
Joey: Hey-hey come on you guys, give him a break. Ross, seriously, hows it going with her?
[they kiss and Ross backs her into her apartment and turns on the lights]
[Scene: It's an old home movie of the Geller's backyard, young Ross is dressed up as Bea, and pouring himself/herself some tea.]
Ross: Alright. There's a theory, put forth by Richard Leakey-
Ross: What-what-what thehow da-how did-what the-how did-what?!
Ross: Guess who's up for keynote speaker at the National Paleontology Conference?
Phoebe: Oh no... Have you thought about it how complicated this could get? What about Ross?
Ross: So, why is Erica coming to visit?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there. Ross walks in with a magazine in his hand.]
Ross: Well, I said-I said something to Phoebe.
Joey: Oh my God! Congratulations Ross, because Chandler, youve been Bamboozled!
Ross: I wasnt farting! (To Mona) Uh, a little game from our table. (To the little girl) Yes?
Ross: Shh! (Laughs then composes himself) Of course, why dont we go inside?
Ross: Oh yeah its fine. I guess the more muscles you have the more they can spasim out of control.
Phoebe: (pause as she considers it) Okay, well Ross, what is this really about?
Ross: Okay, (gets up) if youll excuse me, I-Im gonna go hang out with some people who dont know the Space Mountain story.
Russell: (Rosss divorce lawyer.) Hello, is Ross there?
Joey: No! Never! Never! (Pause, then Joey wants to shake Rosss hand.) Bye.
Ross: All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy. (Paul just looks at him.)
(Chandler mumbles something, and Ross tells him to "Come on.")
Monica: Oh really? Okay? Well what would you say if I told you that, yknow, Ross or Chandler could beat you up?
Ross: ...can't, can't a guy send a barbershop quartet to his girlfriend's office anymorrrrre!!
Ross: I got mugged. And they stole my pocket.
Ross: Hi! (To Mrs. Bing) Hi! (Mr. Bing starts rubbing his arm.) Hi. Has umm, anyone seen Chandler?
Ross: (to Mona) Oh but not that way. I mean I mean Im not in love with her. I love her like a, like a friend.
Rachel: Well, let me just check that with what I got here, all right see 038 is not the number for (Ross starts making a lot of noise with a handheld pepper grinder) this store, 038 is Atlanta. And I...(stops and looks at Ross)
Ross: All right then. (Gets up, in an announcers voice) Rachel Green! Lets play Bamboozled! (Reading from a note card.) How do you test the temperature of the babys bath water?
Ross: Im the ring bearer.
Phoebe: Weee!!! (Ross pushes her and lets go.)
Rachel: Geez Ross, you could have showered.
Ross: Why dont you call him?! Well, thank you very much! Y'know now he is going to prep her, y'know prep her, as in what you do when you surgically remove the boyfriend!
[Scene: Ross's Building, Joey is trying to find the hot girl's apartment. So he's walking up the hallway counting doors. He comes to what he thinks is the right one and knocks on it. Ross opens the door, it's his apartment.]
Ross: Well, not playing raquetball!
(Phoebe turns to Rachel and mimes remove a lid of a jar. Ross enters and Paul motions for Rachel to leave with him now.)
Joey: Thats okay Ross maybe you need a new picture. Okay? Its not gonna be what you thought, but no matter what theres gonna be a brand new little baby, your baby. Who cares what the picture looks like?
Ross: And what(notices the stenographer is still typing)What are you typing that for? Did you hear what she said? We dont get the annulment. Dont type that! What?! Stop typing! (He goes over to where the stenographer is typing and in the process pushes Rachel out of his way.) Hey! Stop typing! (Hes still typing.) Stop typing! Stop typing!!
Ross: And everyone's telling me, you gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major. So, on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying, because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills anymore.
Ross: Hes right, what she did was unforgivable.
Ross: Celebrities Im allowed to sleep with.
Ross: Well, that's because you're such a sweet, gentle, uh...Do you, uh, do you...Oh, hey, uh you must need detergent.