words in movies
(They try to stop him, not sure of what he's planning. He ignores them and goes to talk to Ross.)
Ross: (hopping) 73! 72! 71!
Joey: Ross! Ross! Ross, listen! Who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Rachel or Phoebe?
Ross: What?
Ross: Well, who's gonna kiss my sister.
Ross: Awww, man! Really?
Ross: That's a good point.
Ross: Oh well, since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.
Ross: All right.
Joey: Pheebs! Pheebs! Ross wants to kiss you at midnight!
Ross: Well, everyone's gotta kiss someone. You can't kiss Ross you got the history.
(And with that everyone starts playing tonsil hockey. Chandler with Monica, Ross with Phoebe, and Joey with Rachel.)
Ross: (To Phoebe) Happy New Year, Pheebs!
Ross: Y'know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99!
Ross: Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.
Ross: Everyday I am gonna do one thing that I haven't done before. That my friends is my New Year's resolution.
Ross: In fact, I'll bet you 50 bucks that you can't go the whole year without making fun of us. Eh, y'know what, better yet? A week.
Chandler: I'll take that bet my friend. And you know what, paying me the 50 bucks could be the "new thing you do that day!" (Ross looks at him.) And it starts right now!
Ross: Ohh.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to a beautiful woman as Chandler and Joey enter.]
Ross: Okay! (She leaves.) (To Chandler and Joey.) Hey!
Ross: I just asked that girl out.
Ross: Yes it is. See. (Shows them the piece of paper she gave him with her name and phone number on it.)
Ross: That's right, uh, Elizabeth Hornswoggle.
Ross: Hi, Pheebs!
Ross: Oh-oh, guess what? I-I have a date with Elizabeth (Talking into Chandler's ear.) Hornswoggle.
Ross: All right, see you later.
Ross: (entering, with Ben) Hi!
Chandler: (notices something) Ross is wearing leather pants! Does nobody else see that Ross is wearing leather pants? (Pause, no one speaks.) Someone comment on the pants!
Chandler: That's not what I had in mind! See, people like Ross don't generally wear these types of pants. You see, they're very tight. (Motions to Ross's buttock.) Maybe there's something in that area.
Ross: Oh see, I-I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store that always smells so good and I thought to myself, "Wow, (To Chandler) I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before."
Ross: (after he's left) Okay, seriously, what do you think?
(Monica starts taking pictures of Ross and Ben, with the flash.)
Ross: What are you, what are you doing?
Ross: What, to blind my child?
[Scene: Elizabeth Hornswoggle's apartment; Ross is there on his date with her. They are sitting on the couch watching a movie. Ross is obviously hot.]
Ross: (talking to himself) My God! These pants are burning up! (He's still wearing the leather pants.) (She snuggles closer.) Oh come on, she wants to snuggle now! What is she trying to kill me? It's like a volcano in here! (Out loud.) Are you hot?
Ross: Okay, it must just be me then.
Ross: That was just the pants on the couch. Umm, hey, do you, do you mind if I use your bathroom?
Ross: Thanks. (Gets up and as he does so, the sound returns. Without another word he heads into her bathroom.)
[Cut to Elizabeth Hornswoggle's bathroom, Ross frantically pulls his shirt out and drops his pants. He exhales in sheer ecstasy as the coolness of the bathroom envelops his legs. He sits on the cast iron bathtub, again gasping in pleasure. He next grabs a magazine and starts to blow air on his exposed legs, but that doesn't work the way he wants it to. So he throws the magazine down, looks around for another idea, and finds one. He jumps up and hops to the sink. He turns on the water and starts to splash some on his legs, cooling them further.]
Ross: (in ecstasy) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh .
Ross: 'Kay!
Ross: Oh my God!
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Ross: (calling from Elizabeth's bathroom) Joey, it's Ross! I need some help!
Ross: Well, you can help me!
Ross: Listen, I'm in Elizabeth's bathroom
Ross: No, I-I got really hot in my leather pants so I took them off but they must have shrunk from the-the sweat or-or-or my legs expanded from the heat. Look, I-I can't put them back on. I can't!
Ross: Powder! Yeah! Yeah, I have powder! (Grabs some of her shelf.)
Ross: Yeah, okay, hold on! (He puts the phone down and proceeds to spread a large amount of powder on his legs and makes another attempt at pulling up his pants. It doesn't work, and without picking up the phone leans down to it.) (Almost in tears.) They're not coming on man.
Ross: Ohh, I-I see lotion, I have lotion! Will that work?
Ross: Hold on.
(Ross proceeds to apply copious amounts of the lotion on his legs. He literally starts spraying the back of his legs with the lotion, and as he applies some to his butt he makes a happy face like he enjoyed that sensation. After using about half the bottle he again tries to pull up his pants, but at the first sign of resistance, his hand slips off of the pants and hits him in the forehead.)
Joey: Ross? You okay?
Ross: They're still, they're still not coming on man and the lotion and the powder have made a paste!
Ross: What difference does that make?!
Ross: Dude, what am I gonna
Joey: (To Ross) Uh, Rachel's here, so good luck man, let me know how it works out. (He hangs up the phone and strands Ross in the bathroom.)
Elizabeth: Ross, umm, you've been in there for a long time. I'm starting to get kinda freaked out.
Ross: All right, I'm coming out. Hey, can you turn the lights off.
(Ross opens the door and steps into the living room. He has fully removed his pants and holds them wrapped into a ball in front of his crotch. His legs are covered in the powder and lotion paste. He looks terrible.)
Ross: I had a problem.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is returning from his horrible trek back home without pants on. The whole gang is there.]
Ross: This year was supposed to be great! But, it's only the second day and I'm a loser with stupid leather pants that don't even fit!
Ross: Look at me! (Chandler squeaks in an attempt not to make fun of him.)
Monica: Hey, hey, look. Look Ross, Ben drew a picture of you! (Shows him Ben's picture.) Huh? You're-you're a cowboy!
Ross: Oh, be-because of the leather pants.
Ross: Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. (Chandler starts rubbing his temple again.) I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. (He starts to head for Monica's bedroom.) I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. (Pause.) I would make a good cowboy. (He struts into Monica's room.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Ross, and Monica are there.]
Chandler: (entering) Oh good, okay, I can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore. So you win, okay? Here! (Hands him the 50 bucks he's about to owe him.) Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today, Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What are you dating a character from Fraggile Rock?! (He sits down and sighs in relief.)
Chandler: Oh, Im Ross. Im Ross. Im too good for the Hut; Im too good for the Hut.
Ross: There was just an explosion, okay? My hearing would be impaired.
Ross: Im going to uh Im going to, um, put the bourbon in it at home.
Ross: Look, this is my home and I want to be able to come and go whenever I want!
Ross: You're wrong.
Ross: No, they're not.
Ross: You're wrong.
Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him?
Ross: The big deal is I dont want naked, greasy strangers in my apartment when I want to kick back with a puzzlebeer! Cold beer.
(Ross comes back to the couch.)
Ross: (getting up, upset) I'm calling Mom.
Monica: Hey Ross, maybe if your skin was lighter. Your teeth wouldnt look so bright.
Ross: Well, I'm off to Carol's.
Ross: Hi, is uh, is Carol here?
Ross: You're not serious, I mean, you really... you really talk to it?
Ross: Do you uh, do you talk about me?
Ross: Really?
[Rachel is in the kitchen fiddling with her English truffle. Joey and Ross, anxious to leave and go to Janines party, are egging her on to hurry up.]
[cut back to Ross who finally finishes his so-called song with the same crash from before. He gets some applause, mainly cause hes done.]
(Ross runs out too.)
Ross: That's closer.
(Ross exits.)
Ross: To London! Come to London. Please? Itll mean so much to me.
Ross: (she lets him in) Okay! (to her son) Hey Tommy.
Ross: No-no its not. What-what happened there Ned?
Ross: Oh, we went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs and the Cupert-Hewitt museum.
Ross: Yeah, thats okay, I mean if you guys all have to go away for the first weekend Im alone by myself, y'know then I totally, totally understand.
Ross: Oh, please. I am not singing to your stomach, ok?
Rachel: Ross!! Oh my--ugh!! You kept count?! You are such a loser!
(Ross enters, singing.)
Ross: Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasnt true?!
Rachel: Because you are my sister and Ross and I have this huge history
Ross: No, us having to lie about being married.
Ross: Oh, she didn't think it would be that big of deal.
Mr Zelner: (Takes a long look at the egg while he considers it) Wow, that's pretty cool (Takes the egg from Ross)
Ross: What? Oh yeah. (He moves next to her head.) Im sorry. I mean I-I think I went a little crazy. I mean I was thinking about myself when I (Wanders towards Rachels feet) reallyI should have been thinking about you Rach
Ross: Yeah, well, you didn't know Chi Chi.
(Ross calls his parents on his cell phone.)
Rachel: I think I'm gonna take off. (pats Ross on his back, but he looks very surprised)
Ross: I find Marions views far to progressionist.
Ross: I know, I know I was, but there was always this little voice inside that kept saying it's never gonna happen, move on. You know whose voice that was?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
Ross: One more time, "Hey, dont you want a washboard stomach and rock hard pecs?"
Ross: C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact!
Ross: Laugh all you want but uh, she actually left me a message saying shed like to go out again.
Ross: Okay, look, he's not gonna hurt them, right?
Ross: Woha! Wait... What are we doing? What we have is too important to mess it up over some girl. I mean, we can get laid anytime we want.
Rachel: I don't know. I don't know... I thought about it all the way there, and I thought about it all the way back... and, uh, oh, you guys, y'know, it's Ross. Y'know what I mean? I mean, it's Ross.
Ross: Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five is good. (Gunther leaves, hurt) Well, I'm gonna have a loogie in my coffee tomorrow.
Ross: Four.
Ross: Hey, y'know, this is so not what I needed right now.
Ross: Really.
Ross: No.
Ross: Five. (Buries his head in his hands)
Ross: Right, they are scary. (He jumps up, screaming) Ahh, she just ate a treat out of my hand!!!
ROSS: Ok, ok, you know what? I think you're very funny. Kudos on that hat joke. But, come on guy just, just give him back the hat.
Ross: Oh, come on you guys; thats funny! Yknow? Because hes needhes got like a hearing aide yknow, cause-cause yknow, cause hes all old, and
[We then go into another set of flashbacks of famous fights. The first is the second breakup of Ross and Rachel from The One With The Jellyfish.]
Ross: Uh-uhWow! Uh, I thought you guys were just like making jokes, I had no idea. What you know what? You guys are wrong. Uh yes, there is a chronological age difference but I never notice it. You know why? Because she is very mature. Besides, it doesnt really matter to me what you guys think. I mean, Im the one dating Elizabeth, not you!
Ross: No. No, no. She doesn't want to see you right now.
Ross: You're gonna be an aunt.
Ross: Im-Im gonna wear this all the time! I love this shirt!! (he kisses the shirt)
Ross: It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those people who miss out on that passion... thing, there's all that other good stuff.
Ross: Hey, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.
(Ross is still taking photos)
Joey: Good, good yeah, (Grabs the bags) maybe while were there, they can check your reflexes. (Joey opens the door and it hits Ross in the face with it.) (Makes quote marks.) "Oops."
Ross: Oh, oh, we did say wed stop by this little thing Joeys roommate is having.
Rachel: That is great. Hey, yknow who doesnt have to job hunt? Ross. He works at the university.
Ross: So how'd it go?
(Inside the apartment the phone rings.� Ross answers it.)
[Scene: The delivery room, Chandler, Frank, and Ross are with Phoebe.]
Ross: Hi roomie! (Hugs her and looks at Rachel.)
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And Im happy for ya, but Im tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I dont know what to do anymore.
Ross: Do you have a point?
Ross: You can live with me.
Ross: Oh, please...
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is absent.]
Ross: What, uh... what juggling thing?
Monica: So wait, Rosss stuff is fine, but I have no memories because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car away from water!!!
Ross: Its just I miss her so much.
Ross: Eh, her-her uncle already had planned on doing it. And yknow, we-we said our good-byes this morning, so
Rachel: (to Ross, who has wandered up) God, he's good.
Ross: Aww. Thank you, Aunt Phoebe.
Jill: Me go out with Ross?! No! God no! What would make you think that?
Ross: (showing the Playboy magazine to Gunther) Oh, hey, Gunther, check this out.
Ross: Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing.
Ross: You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere. (She sits down and Ross strokes her forehead.)
Ross: You're good.
Ross: When?
Ross: Please.
Ross: Right.
Ross: Hey, is Chandler here?
Ross: Uh-oh...
Ross: No, Im serious. You-you need to find out where she is, because if shes not where you are, then you can start to move past this.
Ross: Well, I gotta go. Bye. Bye, Rach.
Ross: Okay.
Ross: What code?
Ross: Hey.
Ross: Do they wait for me to do this?
Ross: Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps?