words in movies
Monica: (looking up) Ross, whens this comet thing start?
Ross: Well, technically it seven billion years ago (Well, technically youd be able to see it for days, well nights; that is if you could see it with all of the bright lights of New York.)
Ross: Okay! Okay! Fine, Ill stop! No teaching, okay? Well just watch the pretty light streaking across the sky. (Comets dont streak across the sky, meteors do.) Okay? Whos official name is Bapstein-King.
Ross: Man, look at all those stars! (Yeah, you can see what? Five of them from the city?) Infinite space. It really, really makes you wonder, doesnt it?
Ross: Huh?
Joey: Check out the rack on this chick! (Turns around to point it out to Ross and finds that Ross is glaring at him. So he quickly puts his binoculars to his eyes and starts looking for the comet.)
Rachel: Oh. (They leave, leaving just Joey and Ross.)
Joey: (whispering) Ross!
Ross: What?
Ross: What? Is it the comet? (Runs over to where Joeys standing.)
Ross: Joey comeI cant believeI bring you here to see the Bapstein-King comet, one of natures most spectacular phenomenon, and all you care about are bugs stuck in tar and-and some woman!
Ross: Show me where?
Ross: (noticing the pipe and looking at the door) Joey wheres the pipe that was holding the door open?
Ross: Joey!
Ross: Its called the Bapstein-King comet, okay? (Joey starts to groan.) Hey! Hey! Bapstein was a very well respected astronomer!
[Scene: The Roof, Ross and Joey are banging on the door.]
Ross: Rachel!! Monica!!
(Ross gets fed up with Joeys banging and stops him by pulling him away from the door.)
Ross: I cant believe this!!
Ross: (standing at the edge of the roof) Yeah, I guess we dont have a choice. (Screaming to the street) Help us! Please help us! Were stuck up on the roof and we cant get down!!!
Joey: Ross. I was thinking we could just go down the fire escape. (Points it out.)
Ross: (To Joey) I know, I wasnt finished. (Joey motions him to finish.) (Yelling at the street) But dont worry! Were gonna go down the fire escape!!
[Scene: The Fire Escape, Joey and Ross have reached the last landing. Joey is tugging on the ladder that extends to the ground, but it wont budge.]
Ross: Ugh. Well, were just gonna have to jump. (Joey looks at him.) Yeah. Now, were gonna have to make sure to land to the right of that patch of ice, okay? Not hit the dumpster on the other side and uh, and try to avoid that-that weird brownish red stuff in the middle. So, when you get down there you go up to the roof and you let me in.
Ross: Yeah! Oh yeah, youll be fine! It-itll be uh, just like bungy jumping. Yknow? But instead of bouncing back up you-you wont.
Ross: Well, Im gonna lie to you Joey, its a possibility.
Joey: (looks at the ground and at Ross) I dont know Ross! I-I tell you what, lets flip to see who does it, okay? You-you call it in the air, all right?
Ross: Oh, all right. (Joey flips the coin.) Tails! (The coin bounces off of the landing above them and falls to the ground.) Can you-can you see what it is?
Ross: Okay. Well, you be careful.
Joey: What? No! No Ross! No-no! Stop! Im not jumping! Okay, look I have an audition tomorrow and I cant go if I break my leg.
Ross: Well Im jumping! I have a son! Okay? He wont have a father if-if I die!
[Scene: The fire escape, Joey and Ross are still trying to figure out how to get down.]
Ross: (looking in the window behind them) Yknow, yknow Im lookin and I dont think anyones home here. I say we just break the window, crawl through, and-and yknow explain later.
Ross: I dont think so. Hello? (Knocks on the glass, which angers the big, large, angry dog behind the glass and causes them to jump to the other side of the landing.) When you get in there (Joey nods his disapproval.)
[Scene: The fire escape, Joey is now hanging off of the bottom rung of the ladder that wont move and Ross is watching from above.]
Ross: Okay, do-do you have a good grip?
Ross: Okay, Im going to start climb down you now.
Ross: Okay. Now-now-now should I climb down your front so were face to face or-or should I climb down your back so were-were butt to face.
Ross: I would say that.
Ross: Okay, here I go.
(Ross steps onto the bottom rung of the ladder and then steps on Joeys chest.)
Joey: (grunting) Oh my How much do you weigh Ross?!
Ross: I prefer not to answer that right now, Im still carrying a little holiday weight.
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
Ross: So what do you want me to do?
(Ross continues his trek south, and when they get face to face.)
Ross: Hi.
Ross: (looking down) M-maybe I should hang and you can climb down me.
Ross: Its still looks pretty far!
Ross: Do not rush me!!
(Ross continues south and his now wrapped around Joeys legs.)
Joey: Ross, you should know that my pants are startin to come down and Im not wearing any underwear!
(Ross panics and falls off, dropping to the ground with a huge crash.)
Ross: Oww!! My ankle! I really hurt my ankle! I think I twisted it when IOoh, a quarter!
ROSS: Not at all! I love this guy. Hey, I was so psyched to hear you're back with my sister!
Ross: Yeah! Yeah! OK! Sure! Look! Can we...can we talk about what happened here last night?
Ross: Why...Why should I? I mean if she wants to move on, that's fine!
Ross: (not getting it) Yeah! Yeah! Rachel picked it out for me. She told me to trust her and you know what? I'm glad I did! I turned quite a few heads on my way over here.
(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a few seconds later. They make faces at the baby.)
[Scene: The hallway between the bedrooms. Ross is coming upstairs and stops between two doors. He looks at the one on the right, then he looks at the one on his left, thinks about it, and goes in the one on his right.]
Ross: What are you doing here, Santa?
Chandler: Oh really?! You think youre stronger? Why dont you prove it? (He pushes Ross who starts to fall backwards until Mona catches him.)
Guy: (To Rachel) So uh, I'm on my way back to the bathroom. (Ross giggles.)
[Scene: The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe have their tickets and start looking at the screens in order to find the gate.]
Ross: Don't you have to be at work?
Ross: No. When he called, I...I threw the message away.
Gavin: What's Ross doing to you on that picture?
ROSS: All right I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this, because I wanna be a good friend, and dammit I am a good friend. So just, just shut up and close your eyes (kisses Joey).
Rachel: I thought it was Ross.
(Ross finds a clock, sees its almost 8:30, and silently screams.)
(Ross stands next to him for a second, then goes and watches the movie.)
ROSS: Rachel, lock the door.� Lock the door,� seriously.
Ross, Joey and Chandler: Bye, Emma-Wemma-Demma.
Ross: Yeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didnt break the porch swing, Monica did!
Gavin: I think you should talk to Ross about all this.
Chandler: Yes I'm gonna put it back (Mocking Ross) exactly where I found it.
Ross: No, its Its not that. Umm, now what Im going to say to you, Im not saying as your friend. Okay? Im-Im saying as it as Monicas older brother.
Ross: I know! (he stands)
Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.
Ross: You are not putting that on again! Marcel, OKif you press that button, you are in very, very big trouble.
Ross: (seeing Phoebe still with cat) You didnt tell her?! (They all kinda shy away.) Okay, fine! Pheebs?
Will: Oh, Ill-Ill be fine. Just God I hate her Ross! I hate her!
Ross: But, what�s great is that you don�t mind talking about it.
Ross: Uh-ah!
(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)
(Ross notices that Paolo is standing on a step, which makes him taller. Ross gets up on the same step so he can look down at Paolo.)
Ross: Oh, yeah, hello, well, now, here I am.
Ross: Okay, forward. ForwardStop! (The car moves an inch and Ross runs to the back of the car.) Okay, backStop! (The car barely moves and Ross runs back to the front.) Okay, forwardStop! Stop! Stop!
Ross: Oh, yeah, yeah that�s Michelle.
Ross: Oh, just this woman I�ve been seeing.
Ross: Through the magic of sight! I was here, putting our child to sleep...
Ross: I told you about my daughter.
Ross: We�ll see.
[Scene: Ross�]
Ross: Are you kidding?
ROSS: [sitting at table talking to a girl] It's hard to tell because I'm sweating, but I use exactly what the gel bottle says, an amount about the size of a pea. How, how can that be too much?
Michelle: Ross, you didn�t tell me you were a doctor!
Ross: Ok.
Ross: Oh, great. It's starting to rain, that will make it easy to get a cab.
Ross: Oh, really!
Ross: (knowing she's not alright) O-kay. Well, I'm gonna go grab us some breakfast. (He starts to leave)
Ross: Oh, really!
Ross: I am the guy who�s taking care of our baby while you�re out at bars meeting guys!
Ross: What?
Ross: The guy you gave your number to.
Ross: What about the guy from the bar?
Rachel: Ross?
Ross: I don�t know.
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Ross: Who am I?
Ross: I never gave it to you.
Ross: (with the altered voice) Thank you guys-guys-guys
Ross: Uh, clearly.
Ross: Yeah, maybe not. So what you wanna do?
Ross: OK you...you really don't know what I am talking about?
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: Yeah?
(Ross enters.)
Chandler: Say Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?
Ross: Yeah, that'll do it.
Ross: I'm, I'm okay.
Ross: All right. (He gently tosses the ball to Chandler who catches it.)
Ross: Yeah? Any names come to mind?
Ross: Dont be scared, I-I know it sounds crazy and-and people will say its too soon, but just-just think, think how great it will be.
Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. It's just a blind date.
Ross: No!
ROSS: No, um, see 'cause that, that is, that is the staging area. If you go in there, it'll ruin the whole illusion of the party. Yeah, I think you take your scotch back in there and I will get your cigarettes for you sir.
Ross: Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys that's the doll he chose.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
Ross: Wow, free crab cakes. Well, that's nice. Although I was hoping to have sex tonight.
Ross: Eh, if it was meant to be, it's meant to be.
(Ross sees the waiter looking at him.)
Ross: What's - what's going on?
Ross: Hey! Guess what I got for your wedding! (Holding up his garment bag.)
Ross: Whew! That was a brisk ride!
Ross: Female body inspector? What size is that?
Ross: Hey, what's wrong?
Ross: Well, what happened?
Ross: Oh. Crab cake?
Ross: I did, too.
Ross: All right. All right, Ill do it.
Ross: That bad?
Ross: Hows Monica coming along with her vows?
Ross: Why does everyone keep saying that?
(Phoebe sees Rachel and Ross through the window.)
Ross: Just the crab cakes.
Hillary: Okay. (She goes to turn the lights off and Ross sits on the couch. She has some black light posters on the wall.)
Ross: That's it. I'm in my apartment, you're not there, we're not having this conversation. (gets up, walks across room)
CHANDLER and JOEY: Woah, hey, yo. [Rachel and Ross move]
Ross: (laughs) You dont-you dont want to hear about my dream Officer Pretty?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Ross sits down.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk, They are returning from the rugby game, Joey and Emily are carrying Ross.]
Ross: I can't catch a break!