words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are on the couch talking. Phoebe is getting coffee.]
Ross: Hey, yknow whats weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people youre gonna have to say, "This is my brother-in-law Ross." Not, "My friend Ross," "brother-in-law Ross." Thats weird isnt it?
Chandler: Couldnt I just say, "This is Ross?"
Ross: (disappointed) Sure, do whatever you want.
(Phoebe sits down between Chandler and Ross.)
Monica: (entering, carrying a newspaper) Hey Ross! So, I was checking out the uh, real estate section
Ross: Yeah?
Ross: Oh, it looks like mom and dads house. Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is Oh my God!!
Ross: I cant believe they-they didnt even tell us!
(Ross calls his parents on his cell phone.)
Ross: (on phone) Uh, hello dad! Monica and I just saw the house in the paper! (Listens) Yes were surprised! (Listens) Who did you leave a message with?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Monica are still going on about the house.]
Ross: I cant believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in. Man, some-some strangers gonna be living in my room.
Ross: They kept your room for a while.
Ross: Come on, you know they love you.
Ross: I was their first born! They thought she was barren! Its not my fault.
Ross: Hey.
Ross: Whats wrong with this year?
Monica: That was me and Ross.
Ross: Hey, yknow if you want to pick up some extra cash? Some friends of mine made good money doing telemarketing.
Phoebe: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Yknow, I probably wouldnt have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)
Ross: What?
[Scene: Ross and Monicas parents garage, Ross and Monica are arriving to go through their things. Mr. Geller is in the garage.]
Ross: Dad?
Ross: (entering with Monica) Hey!
Ross: Dad, we-we cant believe youre selling the house.
Ross: (To Monica) Lets grab our stuff and get the hell out of here.
Ross: Yeah, not as much as you used to love to play uncooked batter eater.
Ross: Wow! Great! (Finds a pack of cigarettes.) Wait, dad who-whos cigarettes are these?
Mr. Geller: I dont know. They-they must be your mothers, but please, please dont ask her. Ill throw these away. (He puts them in his pocket as Ross finds something of interest in one of his boxes.)
Ross: Cool! Dad! My report cards! Hey, check this out dad, (reading his grades) Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym (He puts it away and finds something else.) Oooh, my rock polisher!
Ross: Its a clown kit! Clown kit!
Ross: What?
Ross: How are you ever going to sell this place?
Ross: Oh no. Dad! Dad! What (He goes to open one of her boxes and it rips apart.) Oh God everythings ruined! Dad, shes gonna be crushed!
Ross: No!
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, continued from earlier. Ross and Mr. Geller are still deciding what to do.]
Ross: Dad that wont matter to her. Look, all my stuff is safe and dry and all her is-is, is growing new stuff! See, this is exactly the kind of thing that makes her think you guys love me more than you love her.
Ross: Well, can you blame her?
Ross: Dad, dad I dont want to hear about it.
Ross: Well, not right now. Okay look, Monica came here for some memories and damnit, were gonna give her some! Okay, grab grab some empty boxes. Okay? Well-well take stuff from mine and whatever we can pass off as hers well-well put em in their.
Ross: Like uh yknow like this! This! (He picks up one of those art projects that kids make in kindergarten and first grade.) She-she couldve made this!
Ross: Right? And this! (He picks up a trophy) She-she couldve won this!
Ross: Sure! Ooh-ooh, what about this?
(Ross angrily throws the kit into one of Monicas new boxes.)
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, Mr. Geller and Ross are finishing up recreating Monicas memories as Monica enters.]
Ross: Hey.
Mr. Geller: (overacting) Thats a good one! Do you hear that Ross? Three days!
Ross: (overacting as well) Yeah! Yeah! (Laughs.) Oh, this will make a great memory.
Ross: Well, these. These are yours right here. (Pointing to the boxes they just created for her.)
Ross: Yeah. Yeah, oh you loved that thing. You always had it with you. You never went anywhere without-without that coloring book.
Ross: Nu-uh! (Grabs it and examines it.)
Monica: Wow! Look at this! (Picking up a shirt.) I cant believe I even fit into this shirt! (She holds it up and it reads: Tyrannosaurus Ross.) (She turns it around and looks at it.) Oh, this is yours. (Hands it to Ross.)
Ross: Oh, I dont know how that got in there.
Monica: (holding up a small cowboy hat) This isnt mine. (Sets it down and looks at the rest of the boxes.) Hey, this isnt, this isnt my stuff! Ugh, Ross! (Grabs and holds up a doll.) These are your boxes! Where are my boxes?
Ross: Umm, your boxes are umm
Ross: Dad?
Monica: So why-why wasnt Rosss stuff ruined? (Pause) And if you say the words medical marvel Im going to Easy Bake your head!
Monica: So wait, Rosss stuff is fine, but I have no memories because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car away from water!!!
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Screw it! Im having one. (Takes out and lights a cigarette.)
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, Monica is picking through her ruined childhood heirlooms with Ross.]
Ross: All right. I think it was a mouse.
(Monica screams, throws the mouse down, and rubs her hands on Rosss sweater to clean them.)
Monica: How do you think I am?! Youve wrecked all my childhood memories. You love Ross more than me. And I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face!
(Ross gets up to let his dad sit next to Monica.)
Mr. Geller: Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, Im sorry about everything that happened and Id probably never be able to make it up to you, but heres a start. (He hands her a small box.)
Ross: (even more shocked) What?!!!
Ross: Well w-w-w-w-wait, w-wait, wait, wait a minute! I mean a couple of stupid boxes get wet and she gets a Porsche?!
Ross: Well, what about me?! Im a medical marvel!!
(Chandler and Ross both laugh)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe, Rachel, Ross, and Ryan are there. Ryan is in uniform, getting ready to leave.]
Ross: Veto. Stewart?
Ross: Ah, well all go. (motions to Chandler) Come on. (the guys leave)
Ross: Two seconds
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are arguing.]
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Ross: What are you doing?
Ross: Everything? Even the TV?
Janice: (entering) Ross you left you scarf in (sees everyone.) Hey you guys. (Does the laugh.)
Ross: Oh, who? Me?
(Ross is at a loss for words.)
Ross: 11, unbelievable 11 is correct. (The guys celebrate.) All right, thats 4 for the guys. Ladies, youre up.
Ross: Hey. Oh, Im sorry, this is Cailin.
[Scene: The Ultimate Fighting Championship, Ross and Monica are there watching Pete.]
Ross: No, its okay. Some-some kid asked me to pick it up for him, but I dont
Ross: But having a dove place the ring on your finger wouldve been no problem?
Ross: Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern to the left, okay. And sweetie..
ROSS: Yes, yes I am. Are you a, uh, a friend of Rachel's?
ROSS: (putting his arm up with his hand on the door frame.)� Why?� (He starts to lower his arm.)
Ross: Yeah, uh... and then I figured after you win, we could all go out to the balcony and see a night rainbow with gremlins dancing on top of it!
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: I know, me too. It was... You know, it was like one of those things you think is never gonna happen, and then it does, and it's everything you want it to be.
Ross: I just wanna check something.
Ross: Come on. You gotta help me figure out what to do. Okay?
Ross: What did you get?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross has just broken up with Julie and is about to get with Rachel.]
Ross: Hey.
Chandler: (to Ross) All right listen, I have to go to the bathroom, but if the place with the big fish comes up again. Id like know whether thats several big fish or just one big fish.
Ross: Oh no. Dont, dont, dont start packing. Come on! (She puts some clothes into her bag, and Ross throws them out.)
Joey: I-I think everybodys pretending they dont hear you. Anyway, look, I dont know about you and your jackets and your separate tables, but Ross is one of my best friends, and if I save him a seat, Im telling you, he will sit in it! (Ross enters and goes over to the white table) Ross! Ross! Over here, man! I-I saved you seat.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting on the armchair.]
(Ross flips the coin again.)
Joey: Oh, little party favours, check it out! (Its a shirt that reads, "Ross Geller, Bachelor Bash 1998")
Ross: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have something in the back.
Ross: Im telling you its totally unconstituional.
Ross: Guess whose middle name is Muriel.
Ross: Oh, mine's December...
Ross: No, 19.
Ross: 30 seconds on the clock. 5 questions wins the game. The lightning round begins now! What is Joeys favorite food?
[She closes the door in his face. Ross walks sullenly back to the couch and sits down. A moment of silence ensues.]
Ross: Correct. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie
Ross: Correct, his profession was?
Chandler and Ross: Woooo!!!
ROSS: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?
Ross: Dude, we are sooo gonna party!
Ross: No, it's not a divorce, it is not a divorce! Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to, you know, get on with our lives, maybe, maybe start seeing other people.
Phoebe: Uh-huh! Ross invited us all to watch.
Ross: What happened?
Chandler and Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa!
Ross: I mean look, that-that one night we had was fun and and certainly passionate, but dont you think its better if we just stayed friends?
Ross: OK, fine, well I'm not gonna watch, alright.
Ross: Joey, had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?
Ross: So, do you get colours or just French tips?
[Scene: Central Perk close to closing. Ross and Julie are still there. Rachel is cleaning tables.]
Ross: If like the four of us could all yknow, hang out together. Uh, in fact Emilys coming into town this weekend, why dont you say we all have dinner? Say, Sunday night?
ROSS: Good, good, good. So, is uh, was your moustache, did, used to be different?
Ross: It's morphin time!
RACH: Oh, well, that's, that's mighty big of you, Ross. [to the others] I said don't go!
Ross: If only he were a woman.
Ross: This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat.
Ross: Sorry! Sorry! Oh, (He sticks it under his shirt) there! (It's just there flashing through his shirt) Hey Gary, who am I? Phone home!
Ross: I cant believe he didnt come!
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: Yeah!!
Ross: Theres other stuff too.
Ross: Its not like we dont know how to party!!
Joey and Ross: Yeah!!!
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
Ross: Okay.
Chandler and Ross: Yeah.
Chandler and Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah, me too.
Ross: Oh, guys, this is fun, isn't it? You know? Just the four of us. Just hangin'.
Joey and Ross: Yeah!
Chandler and Ross: Yeah!
Ross: How sad are we?
[Scene: Central Perk, its the same scene from the end of last weeks show. Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch as Ross enters.]
(Ross stops the clock, signifying the end of the lightning round.)
Ross: Oh, yeah, well y'know Chandler printed it up on his computer.
Ross: Monica and I have a grandmother who died, you both went to her funeral, name that grandmother!
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Look Im sorry Pheebs, I cant do it.
ROSS: Well, I am going to, uh... get a beverage. It was nice, nice... uh... meeting you.
Rachel: (interrupting him) No-no-no-no-no Ross! Please, come on we do not have any of the big stuff we need! We do not a changing table! We do not have a crib! We do not have a diaper service!
[cut to later, in Rosss huddle.]
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]
ROSS: You know what? You know what? If, things were the other way around, there's nothing you could put on a list that would ever make me not want to be with you.
Carol: (looking through the peephole) Ugh. (opening the door) Ross!
Rachel: Oh, please, Ross it was so obvious! It was like you were marking your territory. I mean you might have well have just come in and peed all around my desk!
Julie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.
RACHEL: Oh that's so cute:� Ross and Mike's first date.� Is that going to be awkward?� I mean, what are you guys going to talk about?
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross enters the display where Rachel is waiting.]
[Ross runs to Rachel's bedroom, knocking on the door.]
Ross: Pheebs you uh you do know how to ride a bike dont you?
Ross: Oh! Well then this is awkward. So what do you uh
Joey: Its between us and the sea, Ross!
Ross: Hey!