words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.
Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.
Ross: She lent me an egg once.
Ross: Aw, right.
Woman: Hi, Ross.
Ross: Hey. (stutters something incoherent)
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbianI don't think we need a third...
Ross: An egg?
Ross: I think it's insane.
(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Ross: Hi. She said yes.
Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?
Monica: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. There's someone I want you to say hi to. (to Chandler) He just happened to call.
Janice: Hi, Ross. Yes, it's me. How did you know? (she laughs obnoxiously)
[Scene: A Chinese Restaurant, Ross is there with his date.]
Ross: I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Ross: The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her... close, personal friend.
Ross: If you wanna put a label on it.
Ross: Nope, nope, that's it.
Ross: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo!
Ross: So, um, what do you do for a living?
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working..(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded)...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.
Ross: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us?
Ross: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin...(struggling)...does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major!
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant, Ross and Carol are talking. Kristin is not there.]
Ross: You did so. I swear, I swear(noticing Kristin's absence) How long has she been in the bathroom?
Ross: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years.
Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.)
Ross: No, it's just...you know the whole "getting on with your life" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here with this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, and, but that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here talkin' to you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I don't, I don't have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. Um, what's say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what you're gonna say, you're a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside for now you know? Let's just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, we're great together, you know. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. I love you.
Ross: No but, no but.
Ross: That's easy for you to say, you found one already.
(A beautiful woman walks by Ross, he stares at her.)
Ross: Mom, yknow what? I-I cant deal with this right now. Im sorry
Ross: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!
Monica: Heads up Ross! (Monica scores on Chandler and Joey) Score! (points at Chandler) You suck!
Rachel: Dont say that I have no sentiment! (Starts to show Ross whats in the box.) This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! (Holds up a bone) This is from the museum from the first time we were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!
Ross: Oh, I uh, I mean, I... dude, I spent the whole conference with Charlie.
Ross: Hi. Im Ross Geller. I live in the building.
Ross: Ooh hey, Emma, daddy has some presents for you okay? Okay? I want you to wait right here. Come here sweetie.
Ross: Phoebe! (He grabs her arm to get her attention.)
Ross: Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we didn't.
Ross: Umm. Umm, Im-Im just gonna(Closes the privacy screen.)
ROSS: Thanks for letting me tag along tonight you guys.
ROSS: Well, I guess we could tape Entertainment Tonight.
[Cut to Marcel walking along a hallway. He notices a banana on the floor and picks it up. The hand of an unseen person grabs him and carries him away. Then cut to Ross and Rachel on the street outside.]
Ross: Oh, thanks! (Takes it and throws it back into the box and leaves.)
Ross: Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good!
Ross: No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasnt heard from him. I-I-I talked to Chandlers parents again!
ROSS: Tell me about it. So what, what's your magic number?
Ross: Yes, yes it is! No, but it's good it'sEmily thinks we should get all new stuff. Stuff that's just ours, together. Y'know brand new.
Ross: You have no idea how much this hurts. (All of the women in the room turn and glare at him.) Keep going! Keep going!
Ross: (To Chandler) All right! All right! All right! (To Joey) We are fixing it.
[Scene: Ross's bedroom. Rachel is putting on her shoes as Ross shows up from underneath the covers.]
Ross: Oh, I can't tell you how great it was to look at the crowd and see your face! I mean... uh, did you know you were (giggles) mouthing the words along with me?
(Ross walks to the back of the plane, where Rachel is.)
Ross: Thank you so much for coming back over.
Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you?
Monica: Wow! Look at this! (Picking up a shirt.) I cant believe I even fit into this shirt! (She holds it up and it reads: Tyrannosaurus Ross.) (She turns it around and looks at it.) Oh, this is yours. (Hands it to Ross.)
Ross: Ohh, it's Joey! I love Joey! (Hugs him.)
Joey: The thing is cause I live with Rachel Im here for a lot of the stuff, okay? (To Rachel) And Ross Ross is missing everything. So
Ross: (to Rachel) Hey Rach, have you seen Charlie anywhere?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is on the couch and Joey is entering.]
Joey: Phoebe! Were both (points at Ross and himself) your backup?!
Ross: Oh, wait! Wait! Dont you have an audition today? Yeah! Maybe youll get that job!
Ross: Im telling you, I like the food!
ROSS: Why wouldn't I want to come? I had fun at the first wedding.
Ross: (notices the table) HeyOoh! Whats-whats that, dinner stuff? You making dinner?
Ross: All right Emily, as much as I love you, I'm sorry, I can't move to London without Ben.
Ross: Yes, but I've lived here for 25 minutes.
Ross: Look, its just did, did you ever go to a party and think, "Would really anyone miss me if I werent here?"
[Scene: The Reception, Joey is helping Ross walk after Gert got through with him and Mona is looking on concerned.]
Ross: Correct. Her actual favorite movie is...
[Ross goes to look in the magazine Rachel got her recipe from.]
Ross: I mean, I dont feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore.
Ross: Oh. Thanks. Uh, has anyone seen Rach?
Emily: Oh, Liam. (Ross laughs and takes her back.)
Ross: I can't believe this. I can't believe this is happening. I have to give the keynote speech tomorrow! Ok? I have to stand up in front of all these people. What am I gonna say?
[Scene: The Hallway, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are discussing the note.]
ROSS: (takes the phone, but speaks to Mike) I don't understand what just happened here.
(Rachel motions for Ross to close the privacy screen, which he does.)
RACHEL: Ok, Ross, try to hear me. Ok, I, hey, I'm not gonna lie to you. Ok, it was good with Paolo.
Rachel: Okay. Okay honey, hes fine, hes fine, lets just put him down. Come here, Ben. (sets him on the couch) See thats a good boy. (to Monica) How could you do that to him!! Ross trusted me, what is he going to say?!
Ross: Thats the day youre gonna die? Seedarnit, Ive got shuffleboard that day.
Ross: No! No I cant. I mean Rachels out with some guy. My baby went with her. If anything that picture keeps moving further away.
Ross: (singing) Hey, hey, you're my baby, and I can't wait to meet you. When you come out I'll buy you a bagel, and then we'll go to the zoo.
Ross: You come out there, you're a dead man.
Ross: I dunno, there's just something about...
Chandler: Well, Ross and Emily arent gonna use it.
Ross: (worried) Dude, I need to talk to you a sec.
Ross: (sees Joey) Hey. (walks into the living room) Uh, Chan, can I uh, can I talk to you for a second?
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! (a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross)
Ross: No, but Chandler, hello... Aren't you scared of dogs?
Ross: A ferry? My baby is going on a ferry? Do you have any idea how dangerous those are?!
Chandler: Hey Ross, I was wondering if Oh my God!! Where are all the men???
Ross: Oh yeah! Wasnt she uh (Does the international sign for big boobies.)
Monica: All right, Chandler can make boxes, Ross can wrap, and Joey can lift things. Now Phoebe, go tell the guys they have to help out!
Rachel: Yeah, but its okay, because when Ross left Mark came over.
Ross: I-I-am(Suddenly Ross starts screaming and comes falling down the stairs landing just in front of Rachel.)
Joey: But hey, Ross, this place is available now!
Ross: Hey! What do you guys think about this. "Ross: The Divorce-Force".
Ross: This isn't what I ordered! Man! Can anything go right in my life?! First my marriage falls apart and then
Ross: Okay, all right, Ill take you. Ill go call Joan. (Does so.)
Rachel: Ross! I just had a conversation with her, and she said that she and Joey made a deal!
Ross: Im understanding, but lets not get carried away.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are standing around the table drinking champagne as Ross enters.]
ROSS: Woah. Huh. You know about my, I mean, you know I had... you know?
Ross: oh no yeah, no Phoebe is great, but umm I'm an idiot look right before you guys went out I accidentally got her all upset.
Ross: Rach, did you proofread these?
Ross: Monica, let's go. Come on now people, woman in labor.
(Joey walks in and moves towards Ross, who's sitting of the sofa)
Phoebe: Umm, my friend, Bonnie. She just always thought Ross was really cute, and now that you two arent together, she asked if I could set it up, but if youre not cool with it...
[Scene: Rosss bedroom, he has fallen asleep waiting for Emily to call. He is awaken by the phone.]
ROSS: So, ah . . . So, how was it?�� Uh, did you guys. . . Did you guys have a good time?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Ross: So, I uhm... kinda need to talk to you about Charlie.
Ross: Well I I havent actually told her yet. I dont want to scare her off, yknow?
Ross: Yknow, okay. Youre right. It is huge. So why dont we take it just a little bit at a time? Okay? Umm, forget getting married for a sec; just forget about it. Can you just come home and take a shower?
Ross: All right then. (Follows her in and checks the place out.)
Ross: Yeah! I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to me. I mean I talked for hours. (Joey has lost interest and is watching the race again.) It is amazing to have someone give you such-such focused attention.
Mr. Geller: (overacting) Thats a good one! Do you hear that Ross? Three days!
Ross: Sure, one year is paper, but two months is lapdance! (Joey nods his agreement.)
Mrs. Waltham: (As she walks pass Ross, she pats his but.) Call me.
Rachel: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . (She jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.)
Ross: Oh, no no no. Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I mean, things just sort of happen around you. I mean, you're off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing, totally oblivious to people's monkeys, or to people's feelings...
Rachel/Ross: Ooh, your lips are so soft... Do that again... (and she/he moves in for another kiss. Joey, pushes her head away again...)
Joey: I don't know who made you the boss? All right? We (Ross and him) invented this game!
Ross: (to Rachel) Haha! Looks like you're not going to be in the wedding either. (Looks at Phoebe) So sorry Pheebs.
Ross: Thank you. (to Rachel) So did you ah, did you tell Mark Something about me?
Ross: I was kinda, supposed to be on TV tonight for The Discovery Channel.
Ross: Sweetie, calm down, its gonna be okay.
The Salesman: Ohh, okay. (Laughs.) Something didn't quite add up there. (Ross stops, walks back to talk to the salesman, and in the process pushes Rachel up against a wall.)
Ross: (Covering his mouth with the glass.) How about all the way.