words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.
Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.
Ross: She lent me an egg once.
Ross: Aw, right.
Woman: Hi, Ross.
Ross: Hey. (stutters something incoherent)
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbianI don't think we need a third...
Ross: An egg?
Ross: I think it's insane.
(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Ross: Hi. She said yes.
Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?
Monica: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. There's someone I want you to say hi to. (to Chandler) He just happened to call.
Janice: Hi, Ross. Yes, it's me. How did you know? (she laughs obnoxiously)
[Scene: A Chinese Restaurant, Ross is there with his date.]
Ross: I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Ross: The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her... close, personal friend.
Ross: If you wanna put a label on it.
Ross: Nope, nope, that's it.
Ross: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo!
Ross: So, um, what do you do for a living?
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working..(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded)...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.
Ross: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us?
Ross: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin...(struggling)...does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major!
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant, Ross and Carol are talking. Kristin is not there.]
Ross: You did so. I swear, I swear(noticing Kristin's absence) How long has she been in the bathroom?
Ross: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years.
Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.)
Ross: No, it's just...you know the whole "getting on with your life" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here with this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, and, but that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here talkin' to you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I don't, I don't have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. Um, what's say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what you're gonna say, you're a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside for now you know? Let's just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, we're great together, you know. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. I love you.
Ross: No but, no but.
Ross: That's easy for you to say, you found one already.
(A beautiful woman walks by Ross, he stares at her.)
[Scene: San Diege Zoo. Ross is still at the monkey cages. A janitor is sweeping.]
Ross: (entering) Hey, you guys!
Ross: Professor Sherman, yeah. I've a meeting with him today.
Ross: It's in Barbados.
Ross: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh is he a good guy?
Ross: So-so what did the doctor say?
Ross: (puzzled) What?
Ross: Really? That would be great. I mean, I have to do something, she kinda teased me about how I dress.
Ross: How do you feel about all this?
Ross: Oh, that's not what you want...
Ross: Eh..actually no, I don't need to because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, ok, there were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke my friend is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead. (silence) Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead!?
Charlie: Oh I can't... I have seminars all day and I promised Ross I would look at his speech.
Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of shock on their faces. He realizes what he said. Quickly he says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily.
Ross: Really? Sounded like Three Blind Mice.
Ross: Four percent. Okay. I tip more than that when theres a bug in my food.
Rachel: (giggles) (To Ross) I can imagine you in a short plaid skirt and knee socks.
Ross: Not the first two, but the second two- woooo! ...I love you guys. You guys are the greatest. I love my sister (Kisses Monica), I love Pheebs... (Hugs her)
Ross: Joey! Hey, I need to talk to Charlie. Is she there?
Ross: Barbados.
Ross: You know, if it�s meant to be, I�ll guess it. Bye, bye.
(Ross drags Joey into the hall and slams the door)
Ross: Dr. Gettleman? Yeah I know, I don't think that's a good idea. In fact, I think he's dead.
Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)
Ross: (continuing) I just found out that Elizabeths dad wants to meet me.
Joey: (sees Ross) Hey all right, Ross came as doody.
Joey: Hey Ross, wouldn't it be great if we could go two straight hours without dropping it?!
Ross: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, its like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
Rachel: Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!!
(Ross mouths to Chandler, "Thank you," and he mouths, "Youre welcome," back.)
Ross: (to Emma) Can you say Barbados?
Ross: Alright, alright, now-now who should I say tricked me into doing it?
Ross: Uh, uh... Sure! Uhm... "Dear..." (he takes the notepad)
Ross: Ok, we gotta go, yeah? So, we'll see you guys tomorrow.
Ross: Wow! This is very flattering, uh...
Ross: "... Sarah. I dig you", Uh? "Doctor Ross Geller".
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: (to Charlie) Ready to go?
Ross: (Excited) You're never going to guess who I just saw downstairs!
Ross: Uh, Joe, have you looked outside?
Ross: Maybe I should open a divorced mens club.
Phoebe: Oh well, all right, I got (Ross hands her a bag) (To Ross) thank you, I got uh, this yknow "I want a job sweater." (Holds up the same sweater.)
Ross: I picked up the divorce papers. Uh, Ive already signed everything and I put little Xs where you need to sign.
Ross: Wait a minute, are you doing that thing where you pretend it didnt go well but it really did go well?
Ross: I'll help you. Yeah, I'll make up a schedule and make sure you stick to it. And plus, it'll give me something to do.
Ross: Look Rach if-if you want to go for a ride in the Porsche Ill be glad to take you for a quick spin around the block.
Ross: The chocolates aren't here yet.
Joey: (To Ross) Ill tell you about it later. Be cool.
Ross: What, oh my God. What did you do?
Ross: Wha... what do you mean? (Goes to the laptop)
Ross: What did it say?
[Time lapse: Ross looks likes he's been trying to fix his computer but just closes it as if giving up]
Ross: Why, why would you open it?
Ross: NO! I don't!!
Ross: Okay, last night after you guys broke up... so sorry to hear about that, by the way... Well, Charlie and I were talking, and..., well...
Ross: Oh yeah? Youre going further down! Downtown!
Ross: I don't think that your monologue from Star Wars is gonna help me right now, Joe!
Ross: Well, what do you do?
Ross: Yeah. It wouldve been good if we had gotten in, but still real fun.
Ross: Get out! (Chandler runs out)
Ross: Wha... what you really think we can do that?
Julie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.
Ross: Yeah... what am I going to say to Kenneth Schwartz?
Ross: No, but ah, theres coconut in the Hanukkah Menoreoes. I tell you what, Ill put you down for eight boxes, one for each night.
Ross: Yeah, that's it?
Rachel: Okay, Ross, it has to be realistic.
Rachel: Okay Ross thats fine, but can you please stand near my head?
Ross: That's Ben, my son from my first marriage.
Ross: Oh my God, I love you.
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Hey! High-five! (they high-five)
Ross: No. (they clink glasses and drink)
Ross: Ok, odd thing to get excited about!
Emily: (rushing in) Ross! Come quickly! Theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!
Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?
Ross and Charlie: Hey!
Ross: Good night.
Ross and Rachel: Ok, good night!
Ross: Mhm, (he balance things) packing - sexy cheerleader comedy.
Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (Stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!
Ross: Oh!
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
Ross: Oh, thanks guys!
Ross: Oh, thank you so much!
Man with a bow tie: (shaking hands with Ross) I thought... it was wonderful!
Ross: Yeah?
Ross: (looks) Oh yeah! You'rehey, you're right! Here's an affordable place, (reading ad) two bedroom, close to work, ooh, it's available in five weeks!
(Ross giggles, but Charlie isn't amused at all.)
[Scene: Ross and Monicas parents garage, Ross and Monica are arriving to go through their things. Mr. Geller is in the garage.]
Ross: Youre not getting away this time mister! Unless you want that ass kicking we talked about!
Ross: You know, I'm just not uhm... that comfortable with a guy who's as sensitive as you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the gang minus Monica and Rachel are eating breakfast. Ross and Chandler are sitting at the foosball table and eating.]
Ross: Okay. Well, apparently Chandlers angry at us for not getting him a ticket to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago.
Ross: I don't know, probably just invest it.
Joey: I'm fine, I'm fine, it's just, it's just weird what's happening with her and Ross. You know, yesterday he asked me to fix him up with somebody.
Chandler: We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday. (Ross looks disappointed and switches the camcorder off)
(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.)
Ross: Posting that I died? That really isn't funny.
[Cut to Rosss apartment, hes watching TV and eating some popcorn as the phone rings.]
(Ross grabs his things and runs to the door only to be blocked by his exiting students.)