words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.
Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.
Ross: She lent me an egg once.
Ross: Aw, right.
Woman: Hi, Ross.
Ross: Hey. (stutters something incoherent)
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbianI don't think we need a third...
Ross: An egg?
Ross: I think it's insane.
(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Ross: Hi. She said yes.
Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?
Monica: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. There's someone I want you to say hi to. (to Chandler) He just happened to call.
Janice: Hi, Ross. Yes, it's me. How did you know? (she laughs obnoxiously)
[Scene: A Chinese Restaurant, Ross is there with his date.]
Ross: I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Ross: The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her... close, personal friend.
Ross: If you wanna put a label on it.
Ross: Nope, nope, that's it.
Ross: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo!
Ross: So, um, what do you do for a living?
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working..(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded)...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.
Ross: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us?
Ross: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin...(struggling)...does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major!
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant, Ross and Carol are talking. Kristin is not there.]
Ross: You did so. I swear, I swear(noticing Kristin's absence) How long has she been in the bathroom?
Ross: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years.
Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.)
Ross: No, it's just...you know the whole "getting on with your life" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here with this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, and, but that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here talkin' to you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I don't, I don't have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. Um, what's say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what you're gonna say, you're a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside for now you know? Let's just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, we're great together, you know. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. I love you.
Ross: No but, no but.
Ross: That's easy for you to say, you found one already.
(A beautiful woman walks by Ross, he stares at her.)
Ross: Oh when you beeped me I was on line at the concession stand at the movie theater.
Ross: Where is she?
Ross: Are you sure shes in the cat, or have you been taking your grandmas glycoma medicine again?
Ross: Oh, yeah, last week you had a wonderful, nutty, chocolatey kind of a cakey pie thing. (Rachel gives him a dirty look) Nothing, just, just, I'm fine.
Ross: Well, I was just playing with him, and y'know we were doing the alphabet song, which he used to be really good at, but suddenly hes leaving out e and f. Its like they just ah, I dont know, fell out of his head.
(Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)
Ross: What? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.
(Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his phone.)
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Thanks.
Ross: Wow! Happy Monicas night!
Ross: You mean, weyou and me?
Ross: Honey, I love you too.
Paul: I dont like you going out with my daughter Ross.
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
Ross: You okay?
Rachel: Because, I cant! Ross, I told you, no. I cant.
Ross: What?
Joey: Oh, its Rosss bachelor party.
Ross: Yeah?
Ross: Mr. Dickens gets to pick 'em.
Ross: A what?
Monica: (out loud, to her parents) Mom! Dad! Ross smoked pot in college!
Ross: My hands?
Ross: No.
Ross: (incredulous) In your mouth?!
Ross: Well, like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived! (Ross takes the loosely tied tie off and hands it to Joey who puts it on.) Here.
Ross: Yeah, no problem. (Tries to turn it off.)
Ross: (To the rest of Central Perk) We're rehearsing a Greek play.
Ross: It is! It is!
Monica: No its not! No! No! Now its about you and Ross getting back together!
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack, quack..
Ross: Oh no!
Ross: Like uh yknow like this! This! (He picks up one of those art projects that kids make in kindergarten and first grade.) She-she couldve made this!
[Cut to Phoebes room, Phoebe has put her helmet on one of her teddy bears and is playing around with it. Ross knocks and pokes his head in the door.]
Ross: All right, we have a tie. Luckily, I have prepared for such an event. (He opens up an envelope and holds up some note cards.) The Lightning Round!
Ross: (sitting up) No! (Exits.)
Ross: Okay, okay. If that is what it takes to show you how much you mean to me, and how much I want you there. Then that's what I'll do.
Ross: Still thinking about it huh?
Ross: Okay. Sure. (Sits down on her bed.)
(Ross slams his head down on the table.)
Ross: Hi! I could help not notice, but that's an unusual necklace
Ross: Okay, okay. Uh, well uh, Rachel is going to need to yell sweet nothings (Paul enters) in his ear.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel is still trying to talk up Ross, not to much success.]
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey, heres a thought.
Ross: Got me. (He shows of his hands.)
Ross: Oww!
Ross: Oh, I see, so everybody wins.
Ross: Oh, hey, hey Rach, do you notice anything..ahh
(Ross looks at Chandler.)
Ross: (at the door) And uh, Rachel.
Ross: Hi!
Ross: Oh, Ill have some!
Phoebe: Hey! Ross!
Ross: Umm, okay, yeah, sure. But wh-whats wrong with Monica and Chandler?
Rachel: (still trapped under Ross) Pheebs, could you maybe hand me a cracker?
Ross: After what I did? Can you blame her?
Ross: Uh, Phoebe
Phoebe: Oh Ross, hi.
Ross: Phoebe!
Ross: Phoebe, what are you doing?
Ross: And they knew about it?
Ross: Phoebe, you said it was urgent!
[Time lapse, dinner is now finished and Ross is looking out the window.]
Ross: Aww, come on.
Ross: Alright, we�ll just, uh, see when you get here. Bye. (hangs up) Huh, that was my mom, she�s stuck in terrible traffic.
Ross: Hello.
Ross: (from his apartment) Man! They cannot get enough! (Makes like he's a robot and waves at the cutouts.)
Ross: Can I, can I help you with something?
Ross: (deadpan) Yes I am.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the couch as Ross enters.]
(Chandler and Joey smile, but when Ross turns away look at each other with looks of horror.)
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
Rachel: Whats up, Ross?
Ross: Okay, good stuff. Umm, well shes-shes sweet and pretty and
Ross: I dont know Rachel, why?
Ross: Okay, break-ups still on!
ROSS: Oh, hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea, why don't you invite Paulo over and have a little romp in the sack and I'll just stand in the corner and tell knock-knock jokes.
Ross: Umm, say youre gonna be starving after all this moving. What do you say I take you to dinner tonight?
Ross: Uh okay, well theres-theres wine in the kitchen.
Ross: His daughter was hot.
Ross: To be fair, he doesnt seem to be impersonating Fonzie
(Joey and Ross enter.)
ROSS: But I don't know it. What I do know is that you owe $2300 at Isn't it Chromantic.
Ross and Rachel: Hey!
Ross: About what?
Ross: As a romancer of the elderly.
Ross: Take thee, (Glares at the Minister) Emily. (Chuckles) Like thered be anybody else. (Emily is glaring at him.)
Ross: Are you sure?
Ross: Hey! Hey, look! Ugly Naked Guy's back!
Ross: Well, you-youve always had glasses.
Ross: Yeah I know. (Pause) On the other hand in um, in about seven months youre gonna have something that youre gonna love more than any guy youve ever gone out with. Just wait. Wait until uh, wait until the first time your baby grabs your finger. You have no idea.
Ross: Joey, Im not worried about her! Im worried about my baby! Whoever she dates my baby dates! Now-now where is this (makes the quote-marks sign) actor taking them?
Ross: No, why?
Rachel: Okay, yknow what?! I know-I know how to settle this! All right here, this is what were gonna do! Im gonna write Joey on one napkin (does so) and Im gonna right Ross on the other napkin (does so) and we are going to pick one! And that person is going to be our backup! Okay?
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah. Do you have any idea what this means in academic circles, uh? I am gonna get laid.
Ross: Oh, we have to get you an engagement present?
Ross: No, I'll do it. (he quickly grabs Joey's boarding pass and gives Joey his one.)