words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.
Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.
Ross: She lent me an egg once.
Ross: Aw, right.
Woman: Hi, Ross.
Ross: Hey. (stutters something incoherent)
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbianI don't think we need a third...
Ross: An egg?
Ross: I think it's insane.
(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Ross: Hi. She said yes.
Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?
Monica: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. There's someone I want you to say hi to. (to Chandler) He just happened to call.
Janice: Hi, Ross. Yes, it's me. How did you know? (she laughs obnoxiously)
[Scene: A Chinese Restaurant, Ross is there with his date.]
Ross: I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Ross: The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her... close, personal friend.
Ross: If you wanna put a label on it.
Ross: Nope, nope, that's it.
Ross: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo!
Ross: So, um, what do you do for a living?
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working..(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded)...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.
Ross: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us?
Ross: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin...(struggling)...does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major!
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant, Ross and Carol are talking. Kristin is not there.]
Ross: You did so. I swear, I swear(noticing Kristin's absence) How long has she been in the bathroom?
Ross: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years.
Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.)
Ross: No, it's just...you know the whole "getting on with your life" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here with this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, and, but that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here talkin' to you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I don't, I don't have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. Um, what's say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what you're gonna say, you're a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside for now you know? Let's just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, we're great together, you know. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. I love you.
Ross: No but, no but.
Ross: That's easy for you to say, you found one already.
(A beautiful woman walks by Ross, he stares at her.)
ROSS: Not at all! I love this guy. Hey, I was so psyched to hear you're back with my sister!
Ross: Yeah! Yeah! OK! Sure! Look! Can we...can we talk about what happened here last night?
Ross: Why...Why should I? I mean if she wants to move on, that's fine!
Ross: (not getting it) Yeah! Yeah! Rachel picked it out for me. She told me to trust her and you know what? I'm glad I did! I turned quite a few heads on my way over here.
(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a few seconds later. They make faces at the baby.)
[Scene: The hallway between the bedrooms. Ross is coming upstairs and stops between two doors. He looks at the one on the right, then he looks at the one on his left, thinks about it, and goes in the one on his right.]
Ross: What are you doing here, Santa?
Chandler: Oh really?! You think youre stronger? Why dont you prove it? (He pushes Ross who starts to fall backwards until Mona catches him.)
Guy: (To Rachel) So uh, I'm on my way back to the bathroom. (Ross giggles.)
[Scene: The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe have their tickets and start looking at the screens in order to find the gate.]
Ross: Don't you have to be at work?
Ross: No. When he called, I...I threw the message away.
Gavin: What's Ross doing to you on that picture?
ROSS: All right I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this, because I wanna be a good friend, and dammit I am a good friend. So just, just shut up and close your eyes (kisses Joey).
Rachel: I thought it was Ross.
(Ross finds a clock, sees its almost 8:30, and silently screams.)
(Ross stands next to him for a second, then goes and watches the movie.)
ROSS: Rachel, lock the door.� Lock the door,� seriously.
Ross, Joey and Chandler: Bye, Emma-Wemma-Demma.
Ross: Yeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didnt break the porch swing, Monica did!
Gavin: I think you should talk to Ross about all this.
Chandler: Yes I'm gonna put it back (Mocking Ross) exactly where I found it.
Ross: No, its Its not that. Umm, now what Im going to say to you, Im not saying as your friend. Okay? Im-Im saying as it as Monicas older brother.
Ross: I know! (he stands)
Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.
Ross: You are not putting that on again! Marcel, OKif you press that button, you are in very, very big trouble.
Ross: (seeing Phoebe still with cat) You didnt tell her?! (They all kinda shy away.) Okay, fine! Pheebs?
Will: Oh, Ill-Ill be fine. Just God I hate her Ross! I hate her!
Ross: But, what�s great is that you don�t mind talking about it.
Ross: Uh-ah!
(Ross notices that Paolo is standing on a step, which makes him taller. Ross gets up on the same step so he can look down at Paolo.)
Ross: Oh, yeah, hello, well, now, here I am.
Ross: Okay, forward. ForwardStop! (The car moves an inch and Ross runs to the back of the car.) Okay, backStop! (The car barely moves and Ross runs back to the front.) Okay, forwardStop! Stop! Stop!
Ross: Oh, yeah, yeah that�s Michelle.
Ross: Oh, just this woman I�ve been seeing.
Ross: Through the magic of sight! I was here, putting our child to sleep...
Ross: (To Joey) I know, I wasnt finished. (Joey motions him to finish.) (Yelling at the street) But dont worry! Were gonna go down the fire escape!!
Ross: I told you about my daughter.
Ross: We�ll see.
[Scene: Ross�]
Ross: Are you kidding?
ROSS: [sitting at table talking to a girl] It's hard to tell because I'm sweating, but I use exactly what the gel bottle says, an amount about the size of a pea. How, how can that be too much?
Michelle: Ross, you didn�t tell me you were a doctor!
Ross: Ok.
Ross: Oh, great. It's starting to rain, that will make it easy to get a cab.
Ross: Oh, really!
Ross: (knowing she's not alright) O-kay. Well, I'm gonna go grab us some breakfast. (He starts to leave)
Ross: Oh, really!
Ross: I am the guy who�s taking care of our baby while you�re out at bars meeting guys!
Ross: What?
Ross: The guy you gave your number to.
Ross: What about the guy from the bar?
Rachel: Ross?
Ross: I don�t know.
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Ross: Who am I?
Ross: I never gave it to you.
Ross: (with the altered voice) Thank you guys-guys-guys
Ross: Uh, clearly.
Ross: Yeah, maybe not. So what you wanna do?
Ross: OK you...you really don't know what I am talking about?
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: Yeah?
(Ross enters.)
Chandler: Say Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?
Ross: Yeah, that'll do it.
Ross: I'm, I'm okay.
Ross: All right. (He gently tosses the ball to Chandler who catches it.)
Ross: Yeah? Any names come to mind?
Ross: Dont be scared, I-I know it sounds crazy and-and people will say its too soon, but just-just think, think how great it will be.
Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. It's just a blind date.
Ross: No!
ROSS: No, um, see 'cause that, that is, that is the staging area. If you go in there, it'll ruin the whole illusion of the party. Yeah, I think you take your scotch back in there and I will get your cigarettes for you sir.
Ross: Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys that's the doll he chose.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
Ross: Wow, free crab cakes. Well, that's nice. Although I was hoping to have sex tonight.
Ross: Eh, if it was meant to be, it's meant to be.
(Ross sees the waiter looking at him.)
Ross: What's - what's going on?
Ross: Hey! Guess what I got for your wedding! (Holding up his garment bag.)
Ross: Whew! That was a brisk ride!
Ross: Female body inspector? What size is that?
Ross: Hey, what's wrong?
Ross: Well, what happened?
Ross: Oh. Crab cake?
Ross: I did, too.
Ross: All right. All right, Ill do it.
Ross: That bad?
Ross: Hows Monica coming along with her vows?
Ross: Why does everyone keep saying that?
(Phoebe sees Rachel and Ross through the window.)
Ross: Just the crab cakes.
Hillary: Okay. (She goes to turn the lights off and Ross sits on the couch. She has some black light posters on the wall.)
Ross: That's it. I'm in my apartment, you're not there, we're not having this conversation. (gets up, walks across room)
CHANDLER and JOEY: Woah, hey, yo. [Rachel and Ross move]
Ross: (laughs) You dont-you dont want to hear about my dream Officer Pretty?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Ross sits down.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
[Scene: Central Perk, They are returning from the rugby game, Joey and Emily are carrying Ross.]
Ross: I can't catch a break!