words in movies
(She hands the baby to Joey who pulls down the blanket to reveal Rosss face where the babys should be.)
Ross: (crying) I hope youre a better father than youre a friend!! (Cries again and Joey wakes up in horror.)
Phoebe: It does! How would you feel if you couldnt share your cooking? Or-or imagine how Ross would feel if he couldnt teach us about dragons.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Rachel are there as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hey!
Joey: Hey Ross! The babys kicking!
Ross: What?! It is?! (He tries to quickly remove his gloves, but runs into trouble and finally throws them off of his hands like a hockey player in a fight and grabs Rachels belly.)
Ross: Hey, when-when was it kicking? What happened?
Ross: My God, the babys kicking. Thats great. Although I kinda wish I-I wouldve been there to feel the kicking for the first time yknow.
Ross: Look, I-I dont want to miss anymore baby stuff. So Here. Heres my new pager number, okay? Anytime anything pregnancy related happens use it! Ill be there! Okay? I dont care if its three in the morning and all you want is ice cream.
Joey: Absolutely. But, were gonna stop by the hospital just to be sure, okay? Ill page Ross on the way. Come on.
Joey: (seeing Ross) Oh hey-hey!
Ross: (rushes in) Is everything okay?
Ross: Your page said come to the hospital, what? What was it? What happened?
Ross: Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women dont even feel them.
Ross: Oh when you beeped me I was on line at the concession stand at the movie theater.
Ross: No IMona!
Ross: What? Why? Whats wrong?
Ross: No really, you tell me whats up.
Rachel: I-I forgot my underwear. (Ross lets her go.)
Ross: (To Joey) So, thanks so much for bringing her to the hospital.
Ross: Yeah but still, I mean it shouldve been me. Im the dad.
Joey: Oh uh, hey. Not as good as this guy! (Grabs Ross around the shoulders.) He brought Twizlers!
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
Chandler: Okay. (They switch places and Chandler gets out a credit card.) So uh, Ross is kinda bummed huh?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is balancing an aluminum can on her stomach as Ross enters.]
Rachel: Hey Ross! Check it out! I learned a new trick!
Ross: Hey uh, I brought you some lunch.
Ross: Well yeah!
Rachel: Oh Ross!! (Runs to the bathroom and closes the door.)
Ross: What?! What?! Rach what?!
Ross: I made her favorite, tuna salad with pickles.
Ross: (to Rachel) I-Im sorry Rach, I didnt know. Are you gonna be okay?
Ross: I cant believe this! I shouldnt be the one making her throw up!
Ross: Yeah? Not to you, because you know this stuff. I dont know any of it and Im the father. I wish Id be more involved yknow.
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: The thing is cause I live with Rachel Im here for a lot of the stuff, okay? (To Rachel) And Ross Ross is missing everything. So
Rachel: But Joey, I dont think Ross wants me to move into his apartment and disrupt his life like that. I mean(Ross turns to her with wishful eyes.)Or he does.
Ross: No I-I-I would love to be around for you and the baby. And we-we can just try it like on a temporary basis.
Rachel: But Ross, its you and me!
Ross: So? Sure! But it-it wouldnt be anything romantic. And Im-Im dating MonaDamnit Mona! I was supposed to meet her like an hour ago! What is wrong with me?!
Ross: No! No its not. Joey, this is a smart idea.
Ross: Really?
Ross: Oh Rach thats great. Thats great. (They hug and Joey breathes a sigh of relief.)
(Rachel, Ross, and Monica exit)
Ross: Okay, I (Walks away.)
Ross: No! And Im not gonna be, so you can save you little speech.
Joey and Ross: No. No.
Chandler: Why is your family Ross?!
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross is taking a picture of a plant, Chandler a fork. The band stops.]
ROSS: I'll take it. My gift to you man.
Ross: Ok, Mom never hit.
Ross: Well, as much as Id like to meet Josh and warn him, Emily and I arent going to be here. All right? I mean, shes going to come by first to say good-bye, and then Ive got a whole special evening planned. So Im sorry, no party.
Rachel: What handsome is not your type? Smart? Kind? Good kisser? What those things arent on your list? Ross is a great guy! You would be lucky to be with him!
Ross: I cant believe they-they didnt even tell us!
Paul: Ill call you later. Bye Ross. (Leaves)
Ross: Hey you leave Marcel out of this!
Ross: Yes! Thats where we realized we were both super cool people!
Ross: What?!
Ross: How did you know about that?!
Ross: Why not?
Ross: Were you the ones called the cops?!
Ross: Come on, there are plenty of other women out thereok? Just - just forget about her, ok? Just, she's off limits.
Ross: A lesson in the importance of unagi. (He starts doing the finger thing every time now.)
Ross: Yknow what (Moves away as Chandler enters, panicked.)
Ross: (to Joey) So he's calling from Rome. I could do that. Just gotta go to Rome.
The Woman From Poughkeepsie: (outside Rosss window) Ross? Ross! (she knocks on the window) Wake up! Ross! (the train starts moving) Ross! Ross!! Ross!!! Ross!!!!
Phoebe: Yeah! Or too, you could be two stockbrokers and youre-youre-youre rolling around naked on the trading floor and everybodys watching! (Ross looks at her.) It never happened.
Rachel: (opens her present from Ross; it's a dark-red scarf) Oohh, I love it!
Ross: Hey, you know what I just realized? If you guys ever have kids
Ross: One, two, three, four!
Ross: So?
Ross: You know the song! Sing along!
Ross: You know the song! Sing along!
(Ross throws the bagpipes down in disgust.)
Ross: Well, if hes angry, he really shouldnt just cover it up. I-I wish he would just tell me the truth.
Ross: Hi.
Ross: (to Ben) Okay! All clear!
(Ben starts to go, but Ross stops him.)
Ross: Hi, we have a little bathroom emergency.
Ross: Well, Ben would be there.
Ross: Whats the matter?
Ross: (to Ben) Everything okay in there?
Ross: Oh, she isnt home.
Ross: Joey had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?
(He goes to sit down next to Ross.)
Phoebe: Ross, you cant tell her not to go. You just started dating.
Ross: Yknow we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby thats half human and half pure evil!
Ross: Okay, each team will answer ten questions. The first team that answers the most questions wins. Okay, the categories are, Fears and Pet Peeves, Ancient History, Literature, and Its All Relative. Now, the coin toss to see who goes first. (He flips the coin and they all watch it hit the table and stop. Then they all look up at him, to see who goes first.) Okay, somebody call it this time.
Chandler: Well, she walked in when I was looking at the ring brochures. You can understand that, right? (Ross and Joey look at each other and go back to watching the game on TV.) Guys? Guys? (Walks in front of them again.)
Ross: Yes! Ben learned a little trick.
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Ross: (slowly stands up and says quietly) Excuse me. (Exits.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is there as Rachel storms in.]
Ross: I have a bone to pick with you.
Monica: Emily has probably been planning it since she was five! Ever since the first time she took a pillowcase and hung it off the back of her head. Thats what we did! We dreamed about the perfect wedding, and the perfect place, with the perfect four-tiered wedding cake (Starting to cry), with the little people on top. (Ross gets thrown a box of Kleenex from the bathroom and he gives her one.) Thanks. But the most important part is that we had the perfect guy who understood just how important all that other stuff was.
[Scene: The hospital. Rachel is pouring her self a cup of coffee. Ross approaches from behind.]
Joey: Ross!! We're having a surprise party for Rachel!!
Monica: Ross! The neighbors ate all my candy!!
Ross: I could ask her to live with me!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is watching a show about the extinction of the dinosaurs.]
Phoebe: Oh, nobody's judging you. (They all turn and look at Ross.)
Ross: What? What? What?! You guys knew? (Joey and Rachel backup against the door.) You all knew and you didn't tell me?!!
Ross: (To Rachel) Do you wanna start telling secrets?
Phoebe: Oh my god! Look, it's Ross and Rachel. Oh, the plan is working.
Ross: All right, let's uh, let's bring it back down and-and try again.
Ross: Okay, Im gonna get your coat and then Ill-Ill put you in a cab.
All: Hey! (They all go hug her, except for Ross.)
Ross: Just a high pitched intimidating noise.
Ross: Seven.
Ross: Well you need 60% to pass
Ross: Okay, well, if she always behaves like this, why don't you say something?
Ross: now remember you have to imagine me in a kilt.
Ross: Rachel one brunch is not gonna solve anything. You gotta face it, okay were never gonna get along.
(Ross isnt happy and closes the door slowly.)
Chandler: Ross, a sports car? Wouldnt it have been cheaper to just stuff a sock down there?
Ross: (To Rachel) I wasnt talking to you.
Ross: Lets also get a hot plate!
Ross: Hey, I'm not one to kiss and tell, but I'm also not one to have sex and shut up. We totally did it!
Ross: Well I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me. Im sorry.
Ross: Whatever dude, you kissed a guy.
Ross: Theres this kid in my class who said hes in love with me.
Ross: Joey, you look nothing like Ben.
Joey: (To Ross) Problem solved.
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey-hey, or I could bring my keyboard over here sometime!
Will: So you knocked her up but youre not gonna marry her. Dude! (Wants another high-five and Ross ignores him.) Anybody?
Monica: Well, doing nothing on your thirtieth is better than doing something stupid, like Ross.
Ross: Ben, say hi to Aunt Monica. (He holds the phone to the fake Ben he has created out of a pumpkin.) Oh, I guess he doesnt feel like talking right now. Hes smiling though! Okay, talk to you later.
Ross: No!
Ross: (turning around and dragging the chalk down the board) What?!
Ross: What?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is debriefing Rachel on her rejection earlier that day and telling her what she shouldve done. Ross and Phoebe are watching.]
(Ross glares at him.)
Ross: Emily that's ridiculous. Look, I'm-I'm moving for you, I'm cutting friends out of my life for you. Please, just get on the plane and come to New York. Okay, you'll see you're the only person I want to be with.
Chandler: Okay, Ross is in the bathroom.
Ross: Cause I know what youre trying to pull here. Okay? Its not gonna work.
Phoebe: I thought you were excellent! In fact for a minute there I was like, "Ooh, whered Ross go?"
Joey: That's how they do pants! Ross, will you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
(Chandler looks over and sees Ross glaring at them.)
Ross: Cassie?
Monica: Ross, shes 25 years old.
Rachel: Ross, see! I told you, those swings are evil! Alright, that is it. That is the last time Emma is getting on one of those things for her entire life.
Rachel: (coming down the stairs) Hey! (Ross jumps up, and quickly puts the letter back together, pretending like he has just finished it.) What happened to you? Why didnt you come up?
Ross: I don't know you guys.