words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting in their recliners watching TV. Monica, Ross, and Phoebe are there.]
ROSS: This screen is amazing, I mean Dick Van Dyke is practically life-size.
ROSS: Hey you. [they stand together in front of the TV.]
CHANDLER and JOEY: Woah, hey, yo. [Rachel and Ross move]
ROSS: Oh you know, pretty much the usual, uh, sun shining, birds chirping.
ROSS: [beeper goes off] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to get to the museum. So um, I'll see you tonight.
RACHEL: OK. [they go to kiss but everyone's watching so Ross just kisses her on the top of her head and leaves]
ROSS: Bye guys.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are returning from a movie.]
ROSS: I told you there was going to be sub-titles.
ROSS: It would really help when I'm kissing you if you didn't shout out my sister's name.
ROSS: Oh.
ROSS: Mon.
ROSS: Mon.
ROSS: What, what.
ROSS: And that's, that's funny why?
ROSS: I, I know it's big, I just didn't know it was uh, ha-ha big.
ROSS: OK, my hands were no where near your butt.
ROSS: No see now, now I can't because uh, I'm feeling too self conscious.
ROSS: Nuh, uh, the moment's gone.
ROSS: That's romantic.
ROSS: No.
ROSS: No.
ROSS: No.
[Ross enters]
ROSS: That was 14 hours ago.
ROSS: Oh. Listen, have you ever been uh, you know, foolin' around with a girl and uh, she started laughin'?
ROSS: Yeah. I don't know, I've been wanting this since like ninth grade typing, ya know. And I just want it to be perfect and right and. . . why isn't that laser beam cutting through the paint?
ROSS: Hey.
[Rachel and Ross go out in the hall]
ROSS: No, you, ya know there's no need to make it u. . . how?
ROSS: Humm, that sounds, I don't, perfect.
[there's a loud bang at the door so Ross opens it back up to find a shoe has been thrown at it]
[Rachel and Ross enter]
ROSS: Hey.
ROSS: Well we just wanted to stop by and uh, say goodnight.
ROSS: Look at that, they won't even turn their heads.
ROSS: Well, why're you all dressed up?
ROSS: What? You have a date? Who with?
ROSS: C'mon, what's his name?
ROSS: Come on, tell me.
ROSS: Oh, I promise, what.
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.
ROSS: Doctor Burke is sexy?
ROSS: [his beeper goes off] It's the museum again, can I, oh.
ROSS: [on the phone] Woah, woah, woah australopithicus isn't supposed to be in that display. No. No. No, n, homo-habilus was erect, australopithicus was never fully erect.
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross is fixing a display, Rachel is waiting patiently.]
ROSS: Oh look, I can't believe this. Look, homo-habilus hasn't even learned how to use tools yet and they've got him here wi, with clay pots. Why don't, why don't they just give him a microwave? I'm sorry, I'm sorry this is taking so long, ya know, I, I, it's just it's longer than I expected, we will have dinner.
ROSS: KARL!
[Ross leaves to find Karl. Rachel takes a peek under the loincloth of one of the display models.]
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross enters the display where Rachel is waiting.]
ROSS: Rach.
ROSS: I'm done.
ROSS: Wha, OK, I'm sorry, let's uh, why don't we find someplace else.
ROSS: No, no, we won't.
ROSS: [grabs a fur pelt] C'mon.
[Scene: The museum planetarium. Ross and Rachel enter on stage.]
ROSS: Shh. Do you want cran-apple or cran-grape?
ROSS: [spreads the pelt on the floor] OK, now, sit. OK. [he starts the music system]
[The stereo system booms out 'Billions of years ago. . .'. Ross gets up and changes it to music.]
ROSS: Sorry.
ROSS: Well uh, you see that, that little cluster of stars next to the big one? That is Ursa Major.
ROSS: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight. RACHEL: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight. [they kiss] ROSS: You're not laughing. RACHEL: This time it's not so funny. [They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.] RACHEL: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK. ROSS: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box. RACHEL: Oh, thank God. [Scene: Museum of Natural History. The next morning Rachel and Ross are sleeping in the display under a fur.] ROSS: Hi. RACHEL: Hi you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to you. ROSS: I know it is pretty unbelievaaaaah. RACHEL: What? ROSS: We're not alone. [A church youth group is outside the display watching them] CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are still in their chairs, watching Beavis and Butthead.] [they're laughing along with the show when an alarm goes off] JOEY: Is that the fire alarm? CHANDLER: Yeah. [feels the floor] Oh it's not warm yet, we still have time. JOEY: Cool.
Ross: Uh.. uh.. Well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. But, um, apparently, somebody overslept.
Ross: Look, I dont think so Pheebs. (Pause) All right, Ill do it. But just because youre a friend. (Grabs the tickets and heads to divert Whitney.)
Ross: What? What? What?!
Ross: Okay, okay, what's going on?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters and walks quickly over to the window to watch Rosss apartment. We see that Rosss apartment is empty.]
Ross: That's, that's nice twice!
Ross: I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there. Ross has an icepack to his head.]
[Scene: Class of '91 reunion. Ross and Chandler enter.]
Ross: Don't you realise what you're-you're doing to yourself?
ROSS: Uh, actually mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.
Ross: But you know what, if you think about it, it actually promotes a healthy uhm... body image... because... even big butts or uhm... juicy doubles.
Ross: ...But a man can change. (Downs a shot)
Ross: The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?
Ross: (mimicking) Ooh, ooh. Because she's my ex-wife, and will probably want to bring her, ooh, ooh, lesbian life partner.
Ross: What, uh... what were you thinking?
Ross: Hey, I've been married 3 times
Ross: You-you had what?
Ross: Uhhhh... Joey cried last night.
Ross: Yeah-uh-huh. Tomorrow night, Valentines Day, the most romantic day of the year. Who knows what could happen? I might not be shutting my drapes to show her my slides, if you know what I mean.
(Joey and Ross laughs)
Ross: I just Bamboozled Chandler! (Flexes in victory while everyone stares at him.) Which is not uh sexual thing. That was a quick shower.
Ross: I... ahem... I really don't think so.
Ross: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean...
Ross: Oh, oh Chandler...
Ross: Listen Adrienne, you can't tell Chandler about this.
Ross: Whoa, whoa, but then the back of the couch won't line up with he back of the carpet.
Ross: I dont know, but I ah, I have the feeling that my being there will do it. Ill go over and I will borrow something. Juice!! I need juice!!
Chandler: Lie!!! How hard is that?! The checks in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I cant wait to read your book Ross!!
Monica: God, Ross is on a date with your sister! How weird is that?!
Ross: Oh, uh, can it wait a second Joey? I have to tell my parents something. No it cant? Okay.
Ross: Thanks.
Phoebe: Your hair looks too good, I think it would upset her. Ross, why don't you come on in.
Ross: (to Rachel): OK, I am calling your seventeen. What do you got?
Ross: Wow! We are pretty good at this! Hey! We totally forgot about lunch!
Ross: Please! Are you kidding? I-I hurt three huge men, I gave a guy a bloody noseI mean I-Im not proud of it but, I really am. And its all because of you, wonderful, amazing you.
Ross: Oh, but-but I cant do it.
Ross: Excuse me. Hi, Im a professor here. Do you know the Paleontology section, fifth floor, stack 437?
Ross: Five letters.
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs)
Ross: Look, if I can just do what Emily wants and get her to New York, I'm sure everything will be fine.
Ross: Rach, you cant look fat in an x-ray.
CHANDLER: I, I know. [Hugs her. Ross walks out and Chandler puts her in his arms.]
Ross: I see your twenty, raise you twenty-five. (throws it in)
Rachel: (on tape) Ross did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?
Ross: Nothing! Theres nothing to do! I mean, she lives there, I live here. I mean, she-shed have to uh, move here. She should move here!
Ross: Second date!
(Ross emerges from a toilet marked 'Chicas')
Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please?
Ross: What?
(Ross gets up and goes over to the counter and Joey follows him.)
Ross: (on phone) Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. (pause) No, Andr� is not here. (to Joey) Third time today. (on phone) Yes, I'm sure... No, sir. I don't perform those kind of services.
ROSS: Ok, sweetheart, I'll call you later tonight. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, you're not really gonna go through with this, are you?
Ross: What?! While shes been going through this hell, youve been making money?! Youre betting on your friend staying in this misery?! (Phoebe lowers her head and shakes it yes.)
Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase.
Ross: Im sorry, its just one of my last nights together before she leaves for campto be a counselor!
ROSS: OK, you guys, ya know, I think we've seen enough, let's turn it off.
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laugh)
ROSS: Basically he told me to get over myself and just do it, ya know. So I though about what you said and I though about what he said and, well, his way I get to have sex tonight so. . .
Ross: What was with the dishes?
Joey: (sits down next to Ross) First of all, Utah? Dude, you can't just make stuff up!
Ross: Correct. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie…
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering]
Ross: Hey Emma. Oh, why is she wearing her hat so low? She can barely see. (Wants to take the hat off, but Rachel tries to stop him).
Ross: Here we come, walkin' down thethis doesn't smell like Mom's.
Ross: Oh just say it Kyle!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Paolo are at the window. Ross and Joey are watching disgustedly.]
Ross: At the vet.
Ross: Alright, now, you sure? Phoebe just threw away two jacks because they didn't look happy...
Ross: Wait a minute, is this, is this for real?
Joey: I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks!
Ross: (grabs back his cookie) It was a hug!
Ross: I just didnt see the fast song coming.
Jill: I dont understand, do you want to go out with Ross?
Ross: No, no, that-that, thats all right. Umm, Im just glad you called.
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
Ross: I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler has the tape measure out and is busy lining up the lamp on the kitchen counter, Ross is supervising the whole operation.]
Ross: You know what, you guys, we don't have to watch this.
Ross: Does it? Does it? Yeah, I wanted to give that whole Does it? part just another glance.
Ross: Huh!
Ross: ...desperate, needy, pathetic?
(Ross and Chandler laughs)
Ross: Oh, yeah.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Ross, and Monica are all there as Chandler enters wearing glasses.]
Ross: C'mere, Marcel. (Turns to Ross)
Joey: Probably, yeah... I mean, maybe we should... hold off until we talk to Ross.
Ross: (handing Mona the present) Happy Valentines Day! Or something to remember me by.
Ross: Are you not seeing him anymore?
Ross: What's goin' on?
Ross: Uh-huh. Well, when the psychiatrist told me I had to take a leave of absence because I yelled at my boss I started to get worked up again, so he offered me a tranquilizer. And I thought was a good idea so, I took it.
Benjamin: (looks surprised and un-impressed) That's not even kinda close! (Ross looks around confused) Dr. Li, how many graduate students you'd be needing?
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey, do you have any gum?
Joey: (waving) Very funny Ross! Very life-like and funny. Okay. (Notices that a woman is waving back.) Oh no-no-no, I wasn't waving at you lady. (She just stares at him.) (Joey sees how beautiful she is.) Whoa, maybe I was! Hey, Monica, this totally hot girl in Ross's building is flirting with me.
Ross: Okay, okay, I'll go first.
Ross: Are you're hands still wet?
Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.
Monica: Ross this is the only thing left that has a shot at working.
Rachel: Ross?
Ross: I'm here.