words in movies
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.
Ross: Oh, Pheebs, Im sorry, Ive got to go. Ive got Lamaze class.
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think Im pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Monica: Ross, thats my jacket.
Ross: I know.
(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, and rushes out.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Ross: Like buddies.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Ross: Err, right.
Ross: A little.
Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, twins... hah! Thats like two births. (He struggles again.) Ouch.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
Ross: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink.
Monica: Ross, your little creatures got the remote again.
Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...
Ross: Relax, Ill fix it.
Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this?
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Ross: You okay?
Ross: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Ross: Sorry.
Ross: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?
Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Ross and Susan: What? What? What?
Ross: Okay, Im gonna play my sperm card one more time.
Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do?
Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads!
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carols doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Ross: Susan, go deep.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
(Ross is staring blankly into space.)
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Ross: Im gonna be a father.
Ross: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I cant even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Ross: No, come on, he doesnt know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.
(Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.)
Ross: No way.
Ross: Hey uh, well, todays my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
(Joey, Chandler and Ross enter.)
Monica and Ross: Sure.
Ross: Hey!
ROSS: Well, this was fun. Uh, we should really do it again sometime, wha'dya say? Ok. Alright so I've got him.
Ross: See, I would never snap at you like that.
Ross: (to Joey, who is wearing a blue, 3 foot hand) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TAKE IT OFF!! (takes it off his hand and throws it on the floor)
Ross: Hi Jill.
Ross: No! No sir umm, she means a lot to me. I mean, I careI-I love Rachel.
Ross: Rachel! What are you doing here?
Ross: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured.
Ross: Uh-ha, what about someone who looks like Rachel? (Russell glares at him.) I will think about the therapy.
Ross: What?! That-thats all the way cross town, Im supposed to teach a graduate seminar there in ten minutes.
Ross: Yeah, I want my money back.
Ross: Your good friend?
Ross: Whats her last name?
Ross: So really, what'd ya have?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are entering, Joey is on the phone.]
Phoebe and Ross: Yeah, we went shopping!
Monica: (starts to cry) Oh good God, Ross! How the hell do you do it?
Ross: Yeah! Oh, I-I love this babies!
(They get into a wrestling match, that ends with Ross making Rachel paint her forehead with the nail polish. They both end up lying next to each other, stop, and look at each other for a moment.)
Ross: Well. Hey
Ross: Ross, wants a pajmena?
Ross: Oh stop.
Ross: No, you stop!
Rachel: Ross, it's too hard.
Chandler: (to Ross) Dont try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) Im your only chance to have a baby. Okay, lets go.
Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
Monica: All right, Rachel's party is in a couple of hours and there's a lot to do. Now, Ross, you got Geller blood, you're in charge of these yahoos!
Monica: Ross married Rachel in Vegas! And got divorced! Again!!!!
Joey: Look, Ross, really its-its no big deal. Yknow you wear a white coat, I wear a blue blazer, if that means we cant be friends at work, then so be it. Yknow, hey I understand. Yknow? Hey, when Im in a play and youre in the audience, I dont talk to you, right? So its yknow, its uh, its cool. Ill see you tomorrow. (Leaves)
Rachel: With Ross and my sister?
Rachel: With Ross and Jill?
Ross: What is that? (refering to the sandwich)
ROSS: Tough noogies, we're watching Predators of the Serengetti.
Ross: Sorry-sorry Jill.
Ross: (entering) Rach? Hi!
Ross: No, not since I lost her at the airport.
Ross: Did you tell your sister to ask me out?
Ross: Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself. (Walks towards the door until )
Ross: Yeah? I was good at the stuff huh?
Ross: (entering) Hi Jill!
Monica: Oh my God! We love that show! I mean Ross and I have been watching it since I can remember!
Ross: Ohh, I-I see lotion, I have lotion! Will that work?
Rachel: Oh Ross, hi! Hey, how are ya? There you are!
Ross: Hey!
Ross: No, Ive looked everywhere!
Ross: Awww, man! Really?
Ross: I guess so.
Ross: Anyway, if she, if she wasnt in to me, why-why would she ask me out again?
Ross: Nooo!! Gandolf?! Gandolf is coming to town?
Rachel: Ross thanks.
Ross: You want me to call her right now?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler enter.]
Ross: I mean after tomorrow night.
(Camera pans to Ross, looking dejected)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are playing phone pranks on Ross.]
ROSS: Uh, hold, let me see, I don't know. So what're you gonna do. . . [doorbell rings]
Ross: This is not good for my rage. (Takes another pill.)
Ross: Look, you'll get there. You're an amazing chef.
Ross: Hey! Uh, Phoebes not here is she?
(Joey and Ross enter.)
Ross: That is precious! Listen! I need Rachel's flight information.
(Rachel starts to laugh, and Ross notices her.)
Ross: It's, uh... it's endearing, really.
Ross: Yeah! Good for you Joe!
Ross: The wheel has not been my friend tonight Joey. Uh, Ill take another question.
[Ross glares at Monica.]
Janice: Oh! Okay! (To Ross) You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me! (Does her famous, or is that infamous, laugh and exits.)
Ross: The only thing I understand is; postponing it is not an option. This is when were getting married.
Joey: Dude, if you go back out there, youre gonna be Dead Ross!
Ross: What?
Ross: Okay, here we go! Emma's first birthday cake... Well hey... well, blow out the candle. Come on Emma.
Ross: You understand I don't actually like 8-year-old boys.
Ross: Wow! Really?!
Ross: Okay, umm
Ross: Ohh!
Jill: Oh great! Thanks Ross, youre such a good friend!
[Scene: The airport, Elizabeths flight is about to leave and Ross is there to send her off.]
Ross: (answering it) Hello?
Ross: (To Carol) No tongue. (And gives her the thumbs up.)
Ross: (To Rachel) You uh, you may have been right about Jill.
Ross: Okay, okay! Im going. Im going. (goes across the hall to knock on another door.)
Ross: Umm, she kissed me.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers new apartment, Ross and Chandler are there.]
(Ross throws a punch, but Joey ducks and Ross punches the pole. Ross then screams from the pain and turns to Gunther, and Gunther has a huge smile on his face.)
[Scene: The beach house, Rachels bedroom. She is finishing up writing something as Ross walks through the door.]
Ross: You take care Jill.
Ross: Sure. (He opens the door to Joey. Needless to say, Joey's stunned.) Joey
Ross: Oh my God. It's like Sophie's Choice.
Joey: (To Ross) What is the matter with you?!
Ross: No, I just think Monica was that fat.
Rachel: Ross said my name up there, I mean, come on, I just cant pretend that didnt happen can I?
Ross: What?!
Ross: And hes, hes a total stranger?
Ross: Im gonna call after you!
Ross: Yeah. Right.
Ross: Good-good, Im-Im married. (Shows her his ring.)