words in movies
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.
Ross: Oh, Pheebs, Im sorry, Ive got to go. Ive got Lamaze class.
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think Im pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Monica: Ross, thats my jacket.
Ross: I know.
(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, and rushes out.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Ross: Like buddies.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Ross: Err, right.
Ross: A little.
Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, twins... hah! Thats like two births. (He struggles again.) Ouch.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
Ross: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink.
Monica: Ross, your little creatures got the remote again.
Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...
Ross: Relax, Ill fix it.
Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this?
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Ross: You okay?
Ross: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Ross: Sorry.
Ross: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?
Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Ross and Susan: What? What? What?
Ross: Okay, Im gonna play my sperm card one more time.
Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do?
Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads!
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carols doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Ross: Susan, go deep.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
(Ross is staring blankly into space.)
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Ross: Im gonna be a father.
Ross: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I cant even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Ross: No, come on, he doesnt know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.
(Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.)
Chandler: Ross?
Monica: Ross, are you okay?
(Phoebe tries to throw some quarters out the window, but she has forgotten to open the window, and she and Ross scream.)
Ross: Practical jokes.
Ross: (on phone) Uh, hello dad! Monica and I just saw the house in the paper! (Listens) Yes were surprised! (Listens) Who did you leave a message with?
Ross: Pheebs, did you want a cookie?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are sitting at a table. Rachel is working. Monica and Phoebe enter.]
Rachel: Look! (Shows Ross the picture.)
Ross: You slept with my sister?
Ross: Yeah, what's going on?
Joey: They're so small! (Both he and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on their faces.)
Ross: I can't believe Chandler is missing this!
Ross: My God Monica!!
Ross: I love you. (goes to kiss her and she turns away.)
[The next one is from Episode 712: The One Where Theyre Up All Night, Joey and Ross are deciding how to climb down the final part of the fire escape.]
Rachel: (entering) Forgot my purse! (Sees them kissing.) Oh, you guys made up. (To Mona) Hes a good kisser isnt he? (Ross goes to close the door on her.) Im going! (Quickly leaves and Ross locks the door.)
Ross: Oh no, not yet.
Chandler: No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. (Ross enters off camera)
Ross: Mmm-Unmm.
Ross: So what, we just sit?
Ross: You have a line down your face.
[Scene: Flight 1066 to Athens, Rachel is ordering a drink for Ross and herself.]
RACHEL: Hi. [Ross turns to Rachel and they hug]
Parker: (laughs) Classic Ross. Rachel, Rachel, oh how you glow. May I? (Puts hand on her stomach)
Phoebe: (answering the phone) (whispering) Ross, thank God.
Ross: The guy who took Rachel to the prom? Why is he calling you?
[Scene: Hallway, Ross and Rachel are returning from dinner.]
Ross: Or that.
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: And it can't be Joey.
Ross: Or Joseph.
Rachel: All right. Look. Gavin...I...I guess I felt guilty that you were here, which I shouldn't. You know Ross and I are not inany relationship but...he is the father of my child, and you know we do live together and plus there is just so muchhistory...you know it's just...I don't know, I'm sorry, I'm just all over the place.
Ross: Yeah. Look, you don't, you don't talk about like, you know, your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you, you do with her.
Monica: Ross didnt scare you?
Ross: No seriously. I have job security for life. You know, I never have to worry. (Rachel starts crying) Oh, look at you. Look how happy you are for me.
Ross: Oh.. you don't get it! (Passes out and slumps across her)
Ross: Oh-oh, yeah.
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Uh, you weighted 200 pounds.
Ross: Oh fine.
Ross: Joey's not going.
Ross: No, no, thats funny. But maybe its time to move on, let it go, yknow? Stop it! Besides, Rachel is going out with Elizabeths father, so ah, hes much older than she is. Looks like Im not the only one interested in fossils, huh?
[Scene: Rosss classroom, he has just finished his lecture and the students are filing out.]
Ross: So uh, Emily just went to the airport.
Ross: Oh no, I have plans with Elizabeth.
Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great. (she playfully rubs his head and gets up)
Ross: Believe me, if I did see with someone, there’s no way I... (Phoebe starts pinching him again)
Ross: Man, look at all those stars! (Yeah, you can see what? Five of them from the city?) Infinite space. It really, really makes you wonder, doesnt it?
RACHEL: Oh, Ross, you had to, I mean, he was humping everything in sight. I mean, I have a Malibu Barbi that will no longer be wearing white to her wedding.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are playing chess and are both studying the board intently.]
Ross: Actually its more like this. (Pushes her hands to less than an inch apart.)
(Ross just stares at him until he figures it out.)
[Cheryl walks away and Ross walks inside. Everyone stares at him in disbelief.]
Ross: No, a car backfired, but (Rachel suddenly calms down) I thought somebody was taking a shot at me. And Rach, I I survived! And I was filled with this-this great respect for life. Y'know? I-I want to experience every moment. I want to seize every opportunity. I-I am seeing everything so-so clearly now.
Ross: Yay!
Ross: Hey man.
ROSS: Here, go nuts. [gives him the Slinky and goes and sits with others at the couches]
Chandler: I am sorry, Ross.
Ross: Fine! No more dinosaur stuff! Can I talk about fossils? (Joey is about to sit down and hears this so instead he groans and exits.)
Chandler: (To Ross) I'm sorry too.
Ross: Okay, let's go.
Ross: What?
Ross: (hopping) 73! 72! 71!
Ross: All right.
Ross: Ohh! Thank you! I like mail. (He goes to kiss her again, but she turns away.)
Ross: That's a good point.
ROSS: I don't get it, he seemed so happy to see me yesterday.
Ross: I dont know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but theres this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.
Ross: Ohh.
(Ross and Chandler look at each other and hug as well.)
Ross: Okay! (She leaves.) (To Chandler and Joey.) Hey!
Ross: Hi, Pheebs!
ROSS: Um-hmm. [puts them on] I have a condition, apparently, that I require two different sets of focals.
Ross: Because tomorrow he's redoing yesterday's pages.
Ross: All right, see you later.
Ross: Hey, yknow if you want to pick up some extra cash? Some friends of mine made good money doing telemarketing.
Ross: (entering, with Ben) Hi!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is on the couch reading as Rachel enters. Its the next day.]
Ross: Thats all Im askin
Ross: Oh absolutely! It has been in my family for generations, and every bride who has worn it has had a long and happy life.
Ross: What are you, what are you doing?
Ross: (jumping to his feet in anger) What?
ROSS: What's going on, is... uh, Bobby drinking again?
Ross: Okay, it must just be me then.
Ross: 'Kay!
ROSS: Tuesday right. Ok, bye you guys.
Ross: Oh my God!
ROSS: Even though you do do a good Bob impression, I'm thinkin' when she sees you tomorow, she's probably gonna realize, "hey, you're not Bob."
Ross: Yeah! Got it! (slams the phone down, and walks back to the bar.)
Rachel: Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!!
Ross: Hold on.
Joey: Ross? You okay?
Ross: If it does? Then you're an amazing friend of mine.
Ross: Well, the doctor says he's gonna be fine, he's just sleeping now.
Ross: I know I am! (Ross now starts to cry) ...And when it's summer, and it's hot, why can't you wear a tank top?
Ross: (angrily) I knew you were gonna throw that in my face!! That was three years ago! She apologized and she apologized! What more do you want?!!
Ross: I had a problem.
JOEY: [to Ross] You're getting a cat?
Ross: No-no, we talked about it. We dont want to know. All we care about is that its happy and healthy.
Ross: I wasn't- I mean, I-