words in movies
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.
Ross: Oh, Pheebs, Im sorry, Ive got to go. Ive got Lamaze class.
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think Im pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Monica: Ross, thats my jacket.
Ross: I know.
(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, and rushes out.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Ross: Like buddies.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Ross: Err, right.
Ross: A little.
Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, twins... hah! Thats like two births. (He struggles again.) Ouch.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
Ross: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink.
Monica: Ross, your little creatures got the remote again.
Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...
Ross: Relax, Ill fix it.
Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this?
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Ross: You okay?
Ross: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Ross: Sorry.
Ross: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?
Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Ross and Susan: What? What? What?
Ross: Okay, Im gonna play my sperm card one more time.
Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do?
Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads!
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carols doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Ross: Susan, go deep.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
(Ross is staring blankly into space.)
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Ross: Im gonna be a father.
Ross: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I cant even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Ross: No, come on, he doesnt know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.
(Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.)
Ross: No!
Ross: Yes!
Ross: No!
Ross: No!!
Ross: Its mine.
Ross: Well we haven't offically asked them yet, but we would want Monica and Chandler.
Ross: And-and I, and I saw that Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to-to surprise him and, and then I pretended I didnt know he was in there. (They all kinda look at him.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is behind the counter as Ross enters looking for Chandler.]
Ross: No!! No!! I wanna stay. I wanna talk about this.
Chandler: Go and tell Rachel right now before Ross finds out.
Ross: Hey.
Ross: I dont think you do.
[Scene: Rachels Room, Ross is entering.]
Ross: Joey proposed to you?
Ross: Then what did happen?
Ross: What?!
[Scene: The church where Ross and Emily are to be married. Judy, Andrea, and Monica enter together.]
Ross: No, you didnt!
Ross: What happened to the Disgustingtons?
Ross: What?
Ross: Good weird?
Ross: So, did he get on one knee, did he have a speech prepared, or (in a tender way) did he cry? (the guys look at him) Yeah, big surprise, I like proposals!
Ross: Thank you. (The nurse exits.)
Ross: Yeah?
Ross: Were so lucky.
Ross: When you thought Joey proposed did did you say yes?
Ross: And you told Phoebe you were engaged.
Ross: You said youd marry Joey?
Ross: Okay! (Walks away from him.) Umm, I uh, Im your teacher. Im sorry, youre-youre a student and I-and I like women. In spite of what may be written on the backs of some of these chairs.
Ross: Hi! Hi, Im uh Ross. Im here to ruin this magical day for you.
Ross: So you said yes to him, and you just had our baby?
(They all go down the stairs, but Ross turns around, looking like his in a coma. The others also turns around to get him.)
[Scene: Rachels Hospital Room, Ross is sitting next to Rachel.]
Ross: Rachel said shed marry you?!
Monica: Mom and dad just sent me in here to find out if you (points to Chandler) were trying to get Ross stoned!
Joey: Hey so wheres Ross?
Monica: (to Ross) Honey, its not pushy, he gave her his home number.
Ross: In the closet.
Ross: (enters from the bed room) Okay I put most of the stuff away.
Ross: Will, high school was-was a long time ago.
Ross: Sure what kind?
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, Phoebe, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are watching Emma sleep.]
Ross: Linen closet.
Rachel: Ross, you guys went out once. You took your kids to Chucky Cheese, and you didn't even kiss her.
Amy: Seriously? Its.. its just these rooms? <moves hands around motioning 'just these rooms'> <To Ross> I thought you were a doctor.
Mr. Geller: Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross?
Ross: Yep.
Ross: Yep, can you believe it?
Ross: Huh? Ooh (laughs) you mean like a Huh?
Ross: Phoebe, you cant force kids to be friends.
Ross: Im gonna go.
Ross: Actually that-thats not true, in The Incredible Hulk uh, No. 72, Dr. Bruce Banner found (Sees everyone staring at him and stops.) Yknow, ugh, nevermind, my girlfriends a lesbian. (Leaves.)
Ross: (turns back) What! (Angrily) You didnt do anything wrong?!
Ross: Joey!
Ross: No I dont.
Ross: No.
Ross: Well we we dont have a garage.
Ross: Give me the bag.
Ross: Not using it right, Joe.
Ross: No!
Ross: No!
[Scene: The Baby Furniture Store, Ross and Rachel are checking out.]
Ross: Give me the bag.
Ross: Give me the bag.
Ross: Oh my god, this really hurts!!!
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, Emma is still crying.]
Ross: Joey, give me the bag.
Ross: What is the matter with you?!?
Ross: Why dont we talk about this on the way to the hospital?
Chandler: (sarcastically shocked) Really?! Joe? What would you do if you were in Rosss situation?
Ross: Oh! Oh! Shes upside down but shes coming! Shes coming!
Ross: Just Ross!
Ross: Oh, I'm so excited, I mean, apparently I beat out hundreds of other applicants, included five guys I went to graduate school with. Not that I'm keeping score or anything... five!
Ross: You know my birthday.
Ross: I broke my thumb.
[The next one is from Episode 608: The One With Rosss Teeth, Chandler is accusing Joey of becoming less of a man.]
Ross: October 18th.
Ross: Ah, Rachel I guess.
Ross: I dont think that we are.
Ross: Well, I thought so too, but then she said shed marry you.
Ross: Just ah just put roommate.
Ross: Yeah thats what she said.
Ross: Yeah.
(Ross looks away, not bothering)
Ross: Hey there you go! (Smiles because Joey used it correctly)
Ross: Well, we believe it originated here. (He uses a pointer and points to the point of origin.) In the Aroma Room.
Ross: So apparently Im available for lunch.
Joey: Two it is. Ross, how about you?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]
[Scene: A Street, Ross is walking past a newsstand and sees Rachel.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, Ross enters.]
Ross: Hey.
Ross: Okay.
Ross: (smiles) Right.
Ross: What, Rach?
(Suddenly Ross jumps up from behind the counter armed with a plastic gun. By the way, hes overacting too.)
(Ross and Rachel enter)
Ross: Oh my God!
Ross: I went thru this with Ben and Carol. One cup of coffee won't affect your milk.
Ross: Not you.