words in movies
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.
Ross: Oh, Pheebs, Im sorry, Ive got to go. Ive got Lamaze class.
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think Im pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Monica: Ross, thats my jacket.
Ross: I know.
(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, and rushes out.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Ross: Like buddies.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Ross: Err, right.
Ross: A little.
Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, twins... hah! Thats like two births. (He struggles again.) Ouch.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
Ross: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink.
Monica: Ross, your little creatures got the remote again.
Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...
Ross: Relax, Ill fix it.
Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this?
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Ross: You okay?
Ross: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Ross: Sorry.
Ross: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?
Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Ross and Susan: What? What? What?
Ross: Okay, Im gonna play my sperm card one more time.
Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do?
Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads!
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carols doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Ross: Susan, go deep.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
(Ross is staring blankly into space.)
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Ross: Im gonna be a father.
Ross: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I cant even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Ross: No, come on, he doesnt know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.
(Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.)
Ross: People ask me why were not together, I just dont know what to tell them.
Ross: Oh hey, that was a good one, huh? (Imitating himself) Help! Help!
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: Hey, Ross, want some cider?
Ross: What do you think you're gonna do, have sex with her right here on my couch?
Ross: Huh.
Ross: What?
Ross: Ahh, no.
ROSS: Ok, ok look, see, the thing is we're, we're not gonna fight you guys.
Ross: So, for the whole weekend?
Ross: Are you jealous?
Ross: Yknow your probably not allowed to sleep with any of your students.
Ross: What are you doing?
Ross: Marcel! What've you done to him?
Ross: No thanks. Im 29.
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Hmm.
Ross: Order a pizza like, I forgive you?
Ross: And what are you going to do for him?
Ross: Okay.
Ross: Which one is Gina?
Ross: Well, I suppose we just try to not look directly at it.
Ross: Naked friends.
Chandler: (to Ross) Should I tell her I ordered tea?
(Ross does approve of this, but he's still not sure. The tiny figure stirs.)
Ross: Hey.
Joey: OK. (Ross goes out on the balcony to talk to Rachel)
Ross: Wow! It looks like we got a lot of good stuff.
Ross: Oh.
Ross: I'm having a boy! Oh, I'm having a boy!
Ross: Yeah, make that three.
Phoebe: Um, Chandler, Ross, this is Robert.
Ross: What?!
Ross: Okay.
Ross: (entering) Hey! (Hes wearing a costume as well.)
Ross: Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Ross: Oh yeah, yeah were moving forward. Youll be getting our card!
(Ross nods his head.)
Ross: (to Rachel) Okay, thats it, I cant take it anymore.
Phoebe: I know no, no, y'know you dont deserve this, you dont Ross. Youre, youre really, youre so good. (kisses him on the cheek)
ROSS: You hated me when we were kids?
ROSS: OK. Hold my board.
(They start to kiss, and Ross rushes into the office to break it up.)
Rachel: Hmm. Look, Ross, if you want your neighbors to like you, why don't you just pay the hundred bucks? The party's gonna cost you way more than that.
Ross: What a pity stay?
Ross: Good.
[The next clip is the second famous fight in The One Where Ross and Rachel Take A Break.]
Phoebe: (in a deep voice, imitating Ross) Um, Rachel Im really sorry. (imitating Rachel) Thats okay, do you wanna get back together? (imitating Ross) Yeah, okay. (in her normal voice) Did anyone else hear that?!
Ross: Oh.
Ross: Yes I-I am. In fact umm hey, why dont we try it my special way? You can dance on my feet.
Ross: And tell them what? The naked guy we stare at all the time isnt moving.
Ross: Theres no or in mind. What is wrong with these pants?!!
Ross: Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson.
Chandler: Its possible. You are very loveable, Id miss you if I broke up with you. (Ross glares at him) I was just trying to be supportive.
Ross: (to Chandler) Hey, dont we have to...
Ross: I dont know if its true.
Ross: Oh Pheebs, thats great. It doesnt count.
Bonnie: (getting up and leaving) (to Ross) Okay, Ill see you in our room.
Ross: Okay, well here we are. Now were in a tough spot again, Rach. What do you want to do? How do you want to handle it? Huh? Do you wanna fight for us? Or, do you wanna bail? (sits down next to her) Look, I, (on the verge of tears) I did a terrible, stupid, stupid thing. Okay? And Im sorry, I wish I could take it back, but I cant. (We see Monica and Phoebe are almost in tears.) I just cant see us throwing away something we know is so damn good. Rachel, I love you so much.
Kori: Hi. I'm here for Ross Geller's memorial service.
Ross: Well go! Go move it! (He runs off.)
ROSS: No, no it's not interesting. OK, it's very, very not interesting. In fact it's actually 100 percent completely opposite of interesting.
RACH: Hey, do you guys have...[sees Ross, pauses]...hi.
Ross: Of course not, it smells like wine, which you spilled! And thanks for wrecking my sheet by the way.
[Scene: A Chinese Restaurant, Ross is there with his date.]
Joey: (to Chandler and Monica) Hey, does anybody else feel bad about Ross?
Rachel: No! No, I am not getting in a car with Ross, we will just have to live here!
[Ross gets up to go tell his parents.]
Ross: Okay. (sees two people sitting in their seats.) Uh, huh. Excuse me, Im sorry, I-I think you may be in our seats.
Ross: Oh, come on it's only three blocks! And-and, it's not very heavy, try it! Come on! Come on!
Ross: Hi.
Ross: Yeah, huh.
Ross: What?
Ross: Hello.
Mark: Hi, Ross.
Ross: Hey, whered you get that?
Ross: Oh well thats great, so I guess this is ah, this is good bye then. Huh? (picks a pad up off Rachels desk and tosses it into his box) Good bye.
Ross: Okay.
[Pete enters with his entourage all pumped up, and Ross and Monica are the only ones who stand up and cheer.]
[Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]
Ross: Noo! No, not cuddlily, not me, just her. I'm like you, I need the room. Okay, come here. (they sit on the couch and Ross puts his hands on Chandler's shoulder and thigh.) Okay, you're in bed...
Ross: Oh, I've gotten into the habit of calling Rachel "Mommy" when we're around Emma. Which I now realize we are not ...
Ross: Im sorry. But ah, hey, oh, somebodys off the phone, how bout a glass of wine by the fire, I could get it going again.
Ross: (He knocks at the door, Mike opens it) Hey Mike sorry to just drop by like this, can I come in?
Ross: Oh, well...
[The stereo system booms out 'Billions of years ago. . .'. Ross gets up and changes it to music.]
Rachel: Oh my God!!! Ross!!
[Scene: Rachel's office, her desk is covered with stuff Ross has sent her.]
Ross: well he seemed to bum hard that you'd never been in a serious relationship.
Ross: What should I wear, now Im all nervous.
ROSS: Could you be less enthused?
Ross: Oh, come on, you know its a girl!
ROSS: [spreads the pelt on the floor] OK, now, sit. OK. [he starts the music system]
CHANDLER: Yeah, Ross can't go so it's between my friend Eric Prower who has breath issues and Dan with the poking. [starts poking Monica in the shoulder] 'Did you see that play? Do you want some more beer? Is that Spike Lee?'
Chandler: Tell us what happened, Brown Bird Ross.
Ross: No, but come on, were off to a great start arent we? I knew Id get you here fast, but this has got to be some kind of a record!
Monica, Ross, and Joey: (joining in) Home is Home Star stew.
Ross: I was the James Michener of dirty talk. It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard. I mean, there were characters, plot lines, themes, a motif... at one point there were villagers.
(Rachel stands there for a moment, starting to cry. Then gasps and runs over and hugs him. While hugging her, Ross tries to find the Does it? part in the letter.)
Ross: (holds up a hand) Little girl misses her cat. (hold up the other hand) Crazy lady thinks her mother is in a cat. (gets up) Okay, y'know what, I have to go have dinner with my son, can I trust that when you see Phoebe, you will tell her.