words in movies
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.
Ross: Oh, Pheebs, Im sorry, Ive got to go. Ive got Lamaze class.
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think Im pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Monica: Ross, thats my jacket.
Ross: I know.
(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, and rushes out.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Ross: Like buddies.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Ross: Err, right.
Ross: A little.
Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, twins... hah! Thats like two births. (He struggles again.) Ouch.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
Ross: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink.
Monica: Ross, your little creatures got the remote again.
Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...
Ross: Relax, Ill fix it.
Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this?
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Ross: You okay?
Ross: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Ross: Sorry.
Ross: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?
Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Ross and Susan: What? What? What?
Ross: Okay, Im gonna play my sperm card one more time.
Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do?
Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads!
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carols doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Ross: Susan, go deep.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
(Ross is staring blankly into space.)
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Ross: Im gonna be a father.
Ross: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I cant even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Ross: No, come on, he doesnt know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.
(Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.)
Ross: (moves closer) All Im saying is, its one thing being prepared for an attack against like each other; whole another story being prepared for an attack, I dont know, like a (turns and puts his face close to Rachels and screams) surprise!!
Ross: What are you guys doing later?
Dr. Green: Stay calm?!! How do you expect me to stay calm?! This is unacceptable Rachel! And I wanna know why?!! Is it because that punk Ross wont marry you?! Thats it! Is that it?!
Ross: Okay! Okay! Ooh-hey-hey-hey! Okay! Okay! Okay! Ill-Ill tell her tonight I cant see her anymore.
Ross: Not-not really. Th-th-there was just Carol.
Ross: Well look-look Im not calling anybody! Okay? It was like a million years ago!
Ross: Playpen?! Bens seven!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are still giving away all of their secrets.]
Ross: Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I'm- Oh.
Ross: Ahh, whoo-hoo!!(He runs back out the door.
Ross: Yeah, but still, cheap shot!
Ross: Dude. (Hugs him.)
Rachel: Noo! Oh no! No! God no! He should not get back together with her. I know that! You know that! Even Ross knows that! But that still doesnt give us the right to erase his message!
ROSS: [pulls the cigarette off his upper lip and hands it to Mr. Greene] Yeah, yes it is, I was just moistening the tip.
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Carol is working on something at the table and Ross is reading a newspaper on the couch.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Ross, and Chandler are making a pit stop on their party tour.]
Ross: (Using a slightly different inflection for each.) I do. I do. I do.
Ross: No! No! No! No! No! I-I-I-II need to, I need to lie down.
Ross: So how long are you in town?
(..then turn back to the desk when the surprise hits them, and Ross and Chandler whip around once more. Monica and Rachel recoil slightly.)
Ross: No really, I-I am! I feel bad!
Ross: Yeah.
Jen: I forgot my paper. (Ross quickly hides the card in his mouth.)
Ross: Uh, middle balcony.
Ross: Okay, but just the jacket. Double-oh and seven are not gettin in there.
Ross: Hi!
[Scene: the bar, Phoebe is still hugging Ross.]
Ross: No, youve heard my practice. Okay? Just-just give me a chance to perform for you and then decide whatever you want. And Im not going to tell you what song Im gonna play either. But uh, lets just say when its over Ill bet there will be a we bit o celebration.
Phoebe: (sitting down next to Ross) Yknow she has a face Ross!
Ross: Department of Sanitation?
Ross: Mm-hmm. Shesshes emotional, but, but ballsy.
Ross: I know. Can you believe that?
Ross: (pause) Together? Like-like to people?
Ross: Okay. (Not happy about it.)
Ross: Uh sure, sure.
Ross: Okay, can we just sign please?
ROSS: Uh, Macy's, third floor, home furnishings.
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Huh.
Ross: Huh. Wow, this is great.
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah, I kind of uh, have something else planned for you guys.
Ross: Hmm
Ross: Pheebs come on! I mean, consider the source! Of course her ex-husbands gonna say that stuff. Now, if youll excuse me
Ross: The card! I think were there!
Ross: Lets do the card!
Ross: Really?! I mean, even with the card?
Ross: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know!
Ross: And itll be cool to see it again! Yeah!
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Ross: Smaller than that.
Ross: Uh, bigger than that.
Rachel: Uh Ross? You asked me that.
Ross: So do we!! So do we!! (Ross notices a couple has been staring at them.) Im sorry you had to see that.
(Rachel and Ross both stop kissing, and quickly step back from each other.)
Rachel: No, no, no, no! Ross, wait! Come on! You know, there’s other stuff. Here’s a nice shirt, look at these nice pants...
Ross: Really.
(Ross groans no.)
Ross: But thats not enough. So So heres a key to my apartment. (Hands her his key.)
Ross: Yeah!
Phoebe: Where?! (Ross exits.)
(Ross enters with a bottle in his hand)
Ross: Oh great, I live on the street.
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: No. That guy is.
Ross: I love you!
Ross: Im trying to tell you I made you a mix tape.
Chandler: Yeah I know, we're losing Ross, Joey said hence
Ross: Hell yeah!
[Scene: The hallway, Rachel is convincing Ross that Emily is good for him.]
Ross: Aw, we-we are so (Motions that theyre connected.) So umm, well I-I-I like you and I-I love umm, yknow hanging out with you. And I mean-Im having a lot of fun. (He pauses and thinks there might be more, but decides there isnt.)
Ross: Shake it!
Rachel: What-what if I marry RossOr Joey?
Ross: Shake it!
[Cut to the balcony, Ross has just climbed through the window.]
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
Ross: Yes. I find it to be something of a conversation piece.
[Scene: N.Y.U, Ross is teaching a class.]
Ross: Move it! Move it! Move it!! Hey!!! Im the teacher!!
Ross: Okay, it was just me and her at the back of the train, and I sat near the door, so shed have to pass by me if she wanted to switch cars. She was totally at my mercy.
Ross: Well if you can't remember, can't we just forget about this?
Ross: Rachel please! That is so inappropriate!
Ross: Okay, okay, so we're in the car. Right? And bang! A shot was fired. And Joey with no regard for his own safety throws himself on me!
Monica: Oh umm, I meant to tell you, Ross is coming.
Ross: Oh and you know what, it will be even better tomorrow, because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. (Someone knocks on the door, Ross goes to open and it's Joey, Rachel and Chandler).
Ross: Maybe that will liven up this party.
Ross: Youve seen it, the Geller Yeller.
Ross: Okay, Im going to start climb down you now.
Ross: (sarcastic) Oh! Oh-oh, the bands ready! Well, I-I-we gotta do what the band saysI dont care about the stupid band!!
Ross: Phoebe!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting advice from Ross and Joey.]
ROSS: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you.
Ross: Right.
Ross: And smart!
Ross: Really? Me too!
Ross: That sounds fair.
Ross: All right.
Ross: Fine, you go.
Ross: Huh.
Ross: Veto.