words in movies
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.
Ross: Oh, Pheebs, Im sorry, Ive got to go. Ive got Lamaze class.
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think Im pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Monica: Ross, thats my jacket.
Ross: I know.
(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, and rushes out.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Ross: Like buddies.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Ross: Err, right.
Ross: A little.
Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, twins... hah! Thats like two births. (He struggles again.) Ouch.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
Ross: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink.
Monica: Ross, your little creatures got the remote again.
Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...
Ross: Relax, Ill fix it.
Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this?
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Ross: You okay?
Ross: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Ross: Sorry.
Ross: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?
Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Ross and Susan: What? What? What?
Ross: Okay, Im gonna play my sperm card one more time.
Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do?
Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads!
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carols doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Ross: Susan, go deep.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
(Ross is staring blankly into space.)
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Ross: Im gonna be a father.
Ross: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I cant even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Ross: No, come on, he doesnt know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.
(Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.)
Joey: Look, Chandler, I told you, never tell anyone about this dog thing. It's like Ross not likin ice cream.
Ross: And is a hum, kinda like a scruddle?
Ross: Hey, I just realized we kinda let some stuff up in the air
Ross: Ah, its good. Its going good. I mean, we get along great. Shes, shes so
Ross: Okay, bye.
Ross: Yeah, a lot of my students do that.
Ross: Well, I was gonna say sweet, but yeah-huh!
Ross: (to the panel) Look, Im sorry, but you guys are wrong. I just dont want to be divorced three times.
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Kinda like a big face without skin.
Ross: Im sorry, I meant a blue LeSabre.
Ross: Well how much time before she absolutely has to start getting ready?
Rachel: ...is something I'm very interested in! Oh please, do not tell Ross. He still believes that (in a deep voice, mocking Ross) what's in the inside is important...
Ross: (to Phoebe) It hurts my teeth.
Ross: Oh I know, isn't it? Ooh... what'd you do to get her to laugh?
Ross: Wait a minute, I know why I'm being such an ass, why are you?
Ross: So much more.
Ross: Wait a minute, you guys. Oh, I wanna ask you something. I-I I may get to speak at this paleontology convention and if I do, I'd love for you guys to come and hear me.
Ross: Oh really? Well I-I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City.
Ross: Who did?!
Ross: (incredulous) I gave him an extremely professional massage!
Rachel: Well, why do yknow go in that room (points to the room Ross is in) and do your homework?
Ross: (To Mona) But I didnt want to.
Ross: Im sorry. Dr. Green, Mona. Mona, Dr. Green.
Ross: I was going to tell you, but
Monica: Ill get everybody else (Does so), finally we can start celebrating my(She gasps and is stopped by the sight of Ross and Rachel making out in the hall.) Im sorry, uh apparently Ive opened the door to the past.
Rachel: Go-go-go-go, come on! (Ross goes over to the counte) (to Chandler) So uh, what did you find out?
Ross: Rachel!
Ross: Thank you!
Ross: Okay!
(Notices Ross looking at him and stops. Ross gives him his 'quiet down' maneuver. Okay, this may take a while to explain, so center this on you screen and place your hands about a foot apart with your fingers together and pointing straight up. Now take you fingers and point them at the other hand and making a 90-degree angle with each of your hands and the first knuckle counting up from the wrist. Now take your right hand, no your other right (that was for the dyslexics), and lower it a couple of inches, so that the fingers are pointing at your wrist. Now take your arms and keeping the elbows bent and your hands in front of you spread out your arms, kinda like making a bird's wing. Now hunch your shoulders over and move you hands up and down as if you are trying to tell some one to turn it down. That's Ross 'quiet down' maneuver. Well, there is an accompanying face, but I don't want to try and describe it as well.)
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross is opening the door to Mona. Rachel is there as well.]
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Focus.
Ross: Trying to date this woman.
Ross: Because whats going on with Rachel has nothing to do with how I feel about you.
Ross: Probably shouldnt touch me.
Ross: Should I leave this open for you too?
Chandler: (disappointed and simultaneously as Ross) Hungry monkey.
MONICA: Ok. Oh boy. You are doin' so good. You wanna squeeze my hand? All right, Ross, don't squeeze it so hard. Honey, really, don't squeeze it so hard! Oh, Ross! Let go of my hand!
Ross: Hey Rach, can I talk to you outside for a second?
Ross: Oh that is quite all right maam. (Elizabeth exits.)
Ross: Right? And this! (He picks up a trophy) She-she couldve won this!
Monica: I think this is so great! I mean, you and Ross! D-did you have any idea?
(They try to stop him, not sure of what he's planning. He ignores them and goes to talk to Ross.)
(Ross and Rachel trade looks while watching the tape.)
Phoebe: (to the girls) Hi! Hi! Listen, my friend Ross is about to be divorced for the third time, but wouldnt you date him?
Joey: Or! You can just, yknow (He walks up close to whisper in Rosss ear and when he gets there he pushes Ross into the fridge.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is helping Joey with his tie.]
Ross: Can I ask you something? Have you ever had a guy have a crush on you?
Monica: No! Really! Any time Ross makes a toast everyone cries, and hugs him, and pats him on the back and they all come up to me and say, "God, your brother." Know what theyll say this year? "God, you"
Ross: Momentary lapse. Dont-dont you have any self-control?
(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)
Ross: No, I-Im not doody.
Will: Ross is coming. Great! I love Ross!
Ross: Really? Yeah that-that sounds interesting.
Will: Ross!
Ross: (entering) Will!
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: (laughs) Yeah.
Ross: no, no, no there's nothing wrong with you I mean you don't strike me as the type of person that wants to get married anyway.
Rachel: Okay, no, that's not the right decision. That's not, that's not right, no Ross-Ross, come on! I mean, that woman made you miserable! Okay, Ross, do you really want to get back into that?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are napping together again and both wake up at the same time.]
Ross: No. No.
Ross: No need to point, she knows who Ross is.
Ross: Look Rach I-Im sorry, okay? I I was a stupid kid, okay? The only reason I joined
Ross and Will: Yeah.
ROSS: Oh, sorry we didn't know.
Rachel: Ross!
Ross: No-no! No-no. No-no.
Ross: (sexily) Yes there will. (Mona leaves and Ross tries to find the same table.) Oh guess what, Molly Gilbert youve just been bumped up to table one. And if its all right with you Im gonna take your place at table sixMartin Clickclocken.
Joey: All right, uh (To Ross) Oh hey, youve done this before Ross, well what did you say when you made up your vows?
Ross: All I have to do is close my eyes. See? (closes his eyes) Woo-hoo!!
(Chandler and Ross enter with the new pictures.)
Ross: What?
Ross: No.
Ross: (shocked) (To Rachel) How did you know that?!!!!
Ross: Hey! She didnt look 50!
(Ross is at a loss for words.)
Ross: Uh-hmm, yeah-yeah do you like it? Do-do you looove it? I just want you to know that Im changing your grade back.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Joey and Ross are talking.]
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Hey, theyre going to the gym together! Two women! Stretching! Yknow they-they take a steam together! Things get a little playfuldidnt you see Personal Best?
Ross: Nope.
[Scene, The Airport, continued from last season, Rachel is waiting for Ross to come of the plane, when she sees he's coming off with another woman.]
Ross: All right. (They start up the stairs. Ross is first.) Okay, here we go!
Ross: Bye.
Chandler: (to Ross) Wellll?
(The player shoots and the puck flies off the rink and hits Ross in the face. Chandler looks concered until he notices...)
Ross: Yeah. Why?
Joey: No! No! No Ross! Im not hot! Are you hot?
(Joey goes to get coffee and Rachel exits as the camera pans to Phoebe and Ross on the couch.)
Ross: Uh, I actually havent even met him.
Ross: Well it turns out that Ben and Stings son do not get along.
Rachel: Oh, I really liked him. (Looks at Ross) Yeah, it was really, really, really good.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Ross: Hey I uh just picked up Ben from school
Phoebe: Your kid is seven?! (Ross nods, "Yes.") (To the rest) Hes really small. (To Ross) Please! Please get the tickets!
Ross: What?
Ross: Phoebe, I