words in movies
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.
Ross: Oh, Pheebs, Im sorry, Ive got to go. Ive got Lamaze class.
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think Im pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Monica: Ross, thats my jacket.
Ross: I know.
(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, and rushes out.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Ross: Like buddies.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Ross: Err, right.
Ross: A little.
Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, twins... hah! Thats like two births. (He struggles again.) Ouch.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
Ross: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink.
Monica: Ross, your little creatures got the remote again.
Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...
Ross: Relax, Ill fix it.
Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this?
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Ross: You okay?
Ross: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Ross: Sorry.
Ross: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?
Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Ross and Susan: What? What? What?
Ross: Okay, Im gonna play my sperm card one more time.
Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do?
Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads!
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carols doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Ross: Susan, go deep.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
(Ross is staring blankly into space.)
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Ross: Im gonna be a father.
Ross: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I cant even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Ross: No, come on, he doesnt know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.
(Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.)
Chandler: Oh, Im Ross. Im Ross. Im too good for the Hut; Im too good for the Hut.
Ross: There was just an explosion, okay? My hearing would be impaired.
Ross: Im going to uh Im going to, um, put the bourbon in it at home.
Ross: Look, this is my home and I want to be able to come and go whenever I want!
Ross: You're wrong.
Ross: No, they're not.
Ross: You're wrong.
Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him?
Ross: The big deal is I dont want naked, greasy strangers in my apartment when I want to kick back with a puzzlebeer! Cold beer.
(Ross comes back to the couch.)
Ross: (getting up, upset) I'm calling Mom.
Monica: Hey Ross, maybe if your skin was lighter. Your teeth wouldnt look so bright.
Ross: Well, I'm off to Carol's.
Ross: Hi, is uh, is Carol here?
Ross: You're not serious, I mean, you really... you really talk to it?
Ross: Do you uh, do you talk about me?
Ross: Really?
[Rachel is in the kitchen fiddling with her English truffle. Joey and Ross, anxious to leave and go to Janines party, are egging her on to hurry up.]
[cut back to Ross who finally finishes his so-called song with the same crash from before. He gets some applause, mainly cause hes done.]
(Ross runs out too.)
Ross: That's closer.
(Ross exits.)
Ross: To London! Come to London. Please? Itll mean so much to me.
Ross: (she lets him in) Okay! (to her son) Hey Tommy.
Ross: No-no its not. What-what happened there Ned?
Ross: Oh, we went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs and the Cupert-Hewitt museum.
Ross: Yeah, thats okay, I mean if you guys all have to go away for the first weekend Im alone by myself, y'know then I totally, totally understand.
Ross: Oh, please. I am not singing to your stomach, ok?
Rachel: Ross!! Oh my--ugh!! You kept count?! You are such a loser!
(Ross enters, singing.)
Ross: Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasnt true?!
Rachel: Because you are my sister and Ross and I have this huge history
Ross: No, us having to lie about being married.
Ross: Oh, she didn't think it would be that big of deal.
Mr Zelner: (Takes a long look at the egg while he considers it) Wow, that's pretty cool (Takes the egg from Ross)
Ross: What? Oh yeah. (He moves next to her head.) Im sorry. I mean I-I think I went a little crazy. I mean I was thinking about myself when I (Wanders towards Rachels feet) reallyI should have been thinking about you Rach
Ross: Yeah, well, you didn't know Chi Chi.
(Ross calls his parents on his cell phone.)
Rachel: I think I'm gonna take off. (pats Ross on his back, but he looks very surprised)
Ross: I find Marions views far to progressionist.
Ross: I know, I know I was, but there was always this little voice inside that kept saying it's never gonna happen, move on. You know whose voice that was?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
Ross: One more time, "Hey, dont you want a washboard stomach and rock hard pecs?"
Ross: C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact!
Ross: Laugh all you want but uh, she actually left me a message saying shed like to go out again.
Ross: Okay, look, he's not gonna hurt them, right?
Ross: Woha! Wait... What are we doing? What we have is too important to mess it up over some girl. I mean, we can get laid anytime we want.
Rachel: I don't know. I don't know... I thought about it all the way there, and I thought about it all the way back... and, uh, oh, you guys, y'know, it's Ross. Y'know what I mean? I mean, it's Ross.
Ross: Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five is good. (Gunther leaves, hurt) Well, I'm gonna have a loogie in my coffee tomorrow.
Ross: Four.
Ross: Hey, y'know, this is so not what I needed right now.
Ross: Really.
Ross: No.
Ross: Five. (Buries his head in his hands)
Ross: Right, they are scary. (He jumps up, screaming) Ahh, she just ate a treat out of my hand!!!
ROSS: Ok, ok, you know what? I think you're very funny. Kudos on that hat joke. But, come on guy just, just give him back the hat.
Ross: Oh, come on you guys; thats funny! Yknow? Because hes needhes got like a hearing aide yknow, cause-cause yknow, cause hes all old, and
[We then go into another set of flashbacks of famous fights. The first is the second breakup of Ross and Rachel from The One With The Jellyfish.]
Ross: Uh-uhWow! Uh, I thought you guys were just like making jokes, I had no idea. What you know what? You guys are wrong. Uh yes, there is a chronological age difference but I never notice it. You know why? Because she is very mature. Besides, it doesnt really matter to me what you guys think. I mean, Im the one dating Elizabeth, not you!
Ross: No. No, no. She doesn't want to see you right now.
Ross: You're gonna be an aunt.
Ross: Im-Im gonna wear this all the time! I love this shirt!! (he kisses the shirt)
Ross: It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those people who miss out on that passion... thing, there's all that other good stuff.
Ross: Hey, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.
(Ross is still taking photos)
Joey: Good, good yeah, (Grabs the bags) maybe while were there, they can check your reflexes. (Joey opens the door and it hits Ross in the face with it.) (Makes quote marks.) "Oops."
Ross: Oh, oh, we did say wed stop by this little thing Joeys roommate is having.
Rachel: That is great. Hey, yknow who doesnt have to job hunt? Ross. He works at the university.
Ross: So how'd it go?
(Inside the apartment the phone rings.� Ross answers it.)
[Scene: The delivery room, Chandler, Frank, and Ross are with Phoebe.]
Ross: Hi roomie! (Hugs her and looks at Rachel.)
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And Im happy for ya, but Im tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I dont know what to do anymore.
Ross: Do you have a point?
Ross: You can live with me.
Ross: Oh, please...
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is absent.]
Ross: What, uh... what juggling thing?
Monica: So wait, Rosss stuff is fine, but I have no memories because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car away from water!!!
Ross: Its just I miss her so much.
Ross: Eh, her-her uncle already had planned on doing it. And yknow, we-we said our good-byes this morning, so
Rachel: (to Ross, who has wandered up) God, he's good.
Ross: Aww. Thank you, Aunt Phoebe.
Jill: Me go out with Ross?! No! God no! What would make you think that?
Ross: (showing the Playboy magazine to Gunther) Oh, hey, Gunther, check this out.
Ross: Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing.
Ross: You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere. (She sits down and Ross strokes her forehead.)
Ross: You're good.
Ross: When?
Ross: Please.
Ross: Right.
Ross: Hey, is Chandler here?
Ross: Uh-oh...
Ross: No, Im serious. You-you need to find out where she is, because if shes not where you are, then you can start to move past this.
Ross: Well, I gotta go. Bye. Bye, Rach.
Ross: Okay.
Ross: What code?
Ross: Hey.
Ross: Do they wait for me to do this?
Ross: Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps?