words in movies
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.
Ross: Oh, Pheebs, Im sorry, Ive got to go. Ive got Lamaze class.
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think Im pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Monica: Ross, thats my jacket.
Ross: I know.
(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, and rushes out.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Ross: Like buddies.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Ross: Err, right.
Ross: A little.
Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, twins... hah! Thats like two births. (He struggles again.) Ouch.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
Ross: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink.
Monica: Ross, your little creatures got the remote again.
Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...
Ross: Relax, Ill fix it.
Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this?
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Ross: You okay?
Ross: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Ross: Sorry.
Ross: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?
Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Ross and Susan: What? What? What?
Ross: Okay, Im gonna play my sperm card one more time.
Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do?
Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads!
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carols doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Ross: Susan, go deep.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
(Ross is staring blankly into space.)
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Ross: Im gonna be a father.
Ross: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I cant even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Ross: No, come on, he doesnt know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.
(Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.)
Ross: Oh! Oh! Shes upside down but shes coming! Shes coming!
Ross: Just Ross!
Ross: Oh, I'm so excited, I mean, apparently I beat out hundreds of other applicants, included five guys I went to graduate school with. Not that I'm keeping score or anything... five!
Ross: You know my birthday.
Ross: I broke my thumb.
[The next one is from Episode 608: The One With Rosss Teeth, Chandler is accusing Joey of becoming less of a man.]
Ross: October 18th.
Ross: Ah, Rachel I guess.
Ross: I dont think that we are.
Ross: Well, I thought so too, but then she said shed marry you.
Ross: Just ah just put roommate.
Ross: Yeah thats what she said.
Ross: Yeah.
(Ross looks away, not bothering)
Ross: Hey there you go! (Smiles because Joey used it correctly)
Ross: Well, we believe it originated here. (He uses a pointer and points to the point of origin.) In the Aroma Room.
Ross: So apparently Im available for lunch.
Joey: Two it is. Ross, how about you?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]
[Scene: A Street, Ross is walking past a newsstand and sees Rachel.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, Ross enters.]
Ross: Hey.
Ross: Okay.
Ross: (smiles) Right.
Ross: What, Rach?
(Suddenly Ross jumps up from behind the counter armed with a plastic gun. By the way, hes overacting too.)
(Ross and Rachel enter)
Ross: Oh my God!
Ross: I went thru this with Ben and Carol. One cup of coffee won't affect your milk.
Ross: Not you.
Ross: Monday?!
Ross: Just three?! Im dilated three!
Ross: Rachel, I can see you dialing! I don't understand why...
Ross: Well, I tell you what. Why dont we uh, why dont we just stay here? Lets not see a movie, well just hang.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment]
Ross: Blueberry it is.
Ross: Carol our sex life isits just not working
Ross: Well, what was it?
Ross: (Enters from his bedroom)Who the hell was that?!
[Time lapse, Ross and Joey are eating Rachels disaster.]
Ross: Was there anything you did wrong with Emma?
Ross: (Comes back into the living room) Rachel!!!
Ross: Yeah, Im gonna go to a doctor who went to school in a mini-mall.
Joey: Priesthood! Look Ross, I'm telling you, she has no idea what you're thinking. If you don't ask her out soon you're going to end up stuck in the zone forever.
Rachel: Ross said he died.
Ross: Okay, look, I-I know what you guys are going to say
Phoebe: Oh! Yeah, yknow you and Ross are still married.
Ross: Ok, well, uh, I can maybe grab a sleeping bag, or...(There's one of those moments. They're staring at each other, no word uttered, and then she leans toward him in order to kiss him, but he ducks and avoids her more than once.) Oh, oh. (he then hugs her and when she tries to kiss him again, he stands up and she falls down on the bed). No, Rach! I'm sorry, I just don't think this, this, this is a good idea.
Ross: Thanks doctor.
Ross: No! No no, it is nothing like me and Carol!
Ross: Yeah! Yes! Thank you! This is great. Thank you so much. And I swear, your kid is going to have the time of his life.
Ross: Okay, okay. Ooooh, ooh maybe I rode in on a Harley.
Ross: (to Charlie) So, eh... it's probably gonna be hard for you to leave Boston, huh?
Ross: Hey!
Ross: You don't have to do anything. It will just be easier if it is the two of us, like college, remember? You...you break theice with some kind of jokes so that they know you're the funny one and I swoop in with some interesting conversation, sothey'll see that I'm the brilliant, brooding, sexy one...
Ross: You promised you wouldn't say anything.
(Ross and Rachel enter with Emma.)
Ross: Monica, come on now. Let's go, baby coming.
Ross: Oh, (door is locked) holy molly are we in a pickle now.
Ross: It didn't spend much time on the wall!!!
Phoebe: I am shocked! Shocked!! (She storms off leaving Ross to defend himself from the angry looks from onlookers.)
Ross: Yeah, that's how I know. I'm Ross by the way.
Ross: Oh man.
Ross: I am a single parent.
Ross: Well, let's say, I don't know, you met someone in the pediatrician's office.
Ross: (Enters) Oh good, you haven't left yet.
Chandler: Yeah, Ross sure is a great guy, yknow Ive always felt that how a young man turns out is a reflection on his father.
Ross: well.. its just. its just in that case, then um. Emma would go to my parents.
Ross: Its a car Monica! Not a rocket ship!
Ross: sure.
Ross: Now I cannot wait to see this.
[Scene: Ross is in Central Perk. Phoebe comes in.]
Ross: There isn't that's what I'm saying. (All happy)
(Ross gets up and starts to hop on one leg.)
Ross: people (shakes head, they sit) so why you all dressed up.
Ross: please don't cry because of me pheebs I don't know what I'm talking about, I've been divorced three times.
Ross: you look great.
Ross: Come on, finish your enchilada.
Ross: Hmm, yeah. (To a random boy in the waiting room) Come on Ross jr. It's time to go in.
Ross: Oh Ross Geller
Ross: I'm sorry I didn't catch.
Ross: Okay, first of all, I dont play with cheaters, and second of all, you know I had swollen glands!!
Ross: So he hasn't called?
[Scene: Ross is at Phoebe's.]
Ross: so how'd the date go?
Ross: Oh mom! Okay, umm, her name is Carol. And she's really pretty. And smart. And uh, she's-she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams!
Ross: (laughs) No
[Scene: Ross goes to see Mike to explain about Phoebe.]
Ross: yeah I really, really need to talk to you about something.
Ross: I dont think charging new clothes too your dad qualifies as making it on your own.
Ross looks down: No, that that is not what we're saying.
Ross: I'm Ross, Phoebe's friend from the coffeehouse.
Ross: WHAT THAT'S A REAL NAME!
Rachel: I'm on the phone! (On the phone) Dr. Wiener? (Ross and Rachel walk away)
Rachel: Theyre having their baby! Its not fair Ross we got here first! Right after you left they wheeled her off into delivery. Oh but not before she gave me a juicy shot of little Jamie just crowning away.
Ross: Hey!
Rachel: (to Chandler) You, you, you said he liked me. (Ross and Julie enter) You, you slowpokes!
Ross: Pivot! Piv-at! Piv-at!!
Ross: umm. that you had a six year long relationship with a guy named Vicrum.
Ross: Good yeah just be honest with him.