words in movies
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.
Ross: Oh, Pheebs, Im sorry, Ive got to go. Ive got Lamaze class.
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think Im pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Monica: Ross, thats my jacket.
Ross: I know.
(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, and rushes out.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Ross: Like buddies.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Ross: Err, right.
Ross: A little.
Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, twins... hah! Thats like two births. (He struggles again.) Ouch.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
Ross: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink.
Monica: Ross, your little creatures got the remote again.
Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...
Ross: Relax, Ill fix it.
Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this?
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Ross: You okay?
Ross: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Ross: Sorry.
Ross: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?
Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Ross and Susan: What? What? What?
Ross: Okay, Im gonna play my sperm card one more time.
Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do?
Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads!
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carols doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Ross: Susan, go deep.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
(Ross is staring blankly into space.)
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Ross: Im gonna be a father.
Ross: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I cant even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Ross: No, come on, he doesnt know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.
(Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.)
Ross: Are you serious?!
Joey: (to Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe) Did you hear that? I only get one extra ticket to my premiere. So some how I have to pick between you three and Ross.
Ross: Wow! We are pretty good at this!
Ross: Did she (points at Amy) do this to her? I told you we shouldn't have left Emma with her!
Ross: Joey, its worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her.
Ross: Oh, veto. How aboutOoh, I like Ruth! What about Ruth?
Ross: Are you kidding?
Ross: It tastes like feet!
Ross: So, I uh I called the doctor and now we both know the sex of the baby.
Ross: Don't say that.
Rachel: Ross, hey you know what might make it less boring?
(Ross continues to talk to her as the camera pans to show Rachel standing in the doorway.)
Ross: Yeah, so far nothing stupid.
Ross: Yeah, you too.
ROSS: Sweetie, it's be gonna okay, all right. It's a wedding, generally people focus on the bride.
Ross: Uh no, no just-just that he is a great guy.
Ross: Yeah, well what about you? You weren't you know, so hot in college either. After everything he said, he'd go "ba dum bum chessh"
Ross: Sure, you want to go upstairs?
<Ross and Rachel go in the kitchen>
Ross: I would say that.
Ross: Okay, here I go.
Ross: Your make-up!
Ross: It really was.
(Ross dives over the couch, Rachel goes the other way, and lands up top of him.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are standing and talking, Ross is tying a tie.]
Ross: That's ok. Uh, anyway, well he and I both really liked you a lot, uhm, but we didn't want anything to jeopardize our friendship, so we kinda made a pact, that neither of us could ask you out!
Rachel: And you know Monica and Ross!
Ross: Hi Jill.
Ross: Amazing! Amazing!
Rachel: No, of course, of course Ive heard of them! Ross, what did you get?
Ross: When we first met her, she was soaking, her feet were wet! Who wouldnt be miserable? Im telling you when I got her into a dry pair of shoes, she was a totally different person.
Ross: Oh cool!
Ross: That depends, how much did you hear?
Ross: (simultaneously with Chandler) Yeah!
Ross: Awesome!
Ross: Well do you want some help?
Ross: Oh! Wow! Uh, yeah! That sounds great. Im just gonna put this (The money) back in my pocket, pretend that didnt happen. Uh yeah, actually Im free now. Do you wanna grab some coffee or
Chandler: (simultaneously with Ross) No!
Ross: Oh, you have to call the police! Thats what I did to the kids in my building!
Joey: I said a little bit Ross. Now, how about you Chandler?
Ross: Uh, yeah, I ah, I also need two.
Ross: Yeah! Oh yeah, youll be fine! It-itll be uh, just like bungy jumping. Yknow? But instead of bouncing back up you-you wont.
Ross: (fakes a laugh) Please start drinking! (exits)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are napping together again and both wake up at the same time.]
Ross: Its okay, Im ready.
Ross: Oh great! That means Im stuck with, "So, we were watching you in there (Points to the TV) and you were sittin right here! Whoa!"
Ross: Yknow what? Youre just upset because youre losing.
Joey: This one right here. (Ross whines.)
Ross: What?!
Ross: (To Chandler) You dont think its a little crazy that you get all my points just cause you
Ross: (on the phone) Yes, hello. I have a question. Umm, I used your pen to draw on my friend's face. (Listens) A beard and a moustache. (Listens and laughs) Thank you. (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) No, she didn't think so. (Listens) I know it's like (turns and sees Rachel staring at him and quickly changes the subject) anyway, umm well make-up didn't cover it and we've tried everything to get it off and nothing's worked. What-what do we do? (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Oh! Okay. (Listens) Okay, thank you! (Rachel gets excited at his tone.) (Hangs up the phone) Yeah, it's not coming off.
Rachel: Hey Ross! Check it out! I learned a new trick!
[Cut to Ross and Monica, who are finally on a platform!]
Ross: My nana used to do it. That's how she paid for all my dancekarate lessons.
Ross: How much did you pay for that?
Ross: You were the 200-pound 11-year-old who rode her!
Ross: Id like to spin the wheel!
Ross: Shut up! I Dream of Genie!
Ross: Is there a hopping bonus?
Ross: Yeah!!
Ross: Queen Victoria.
Ross: Noooo!!! Every time!!!
Ross: Ben Franklin.
Rachel: Phoebe! You picked Joey and Ross?! You can not have two backups!
Ross: (entering, out of breath) Hey!
Ross: Uh, what?
Ross: Well uh, yknow what? Even if she doesnt know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didnt live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Yes! Yes, youre gonna be so missed.
Ross: Wow! That is a good one! Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card yknow, with the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow.
Ross: Oh. (Rachel and he start to stand up.)
Ross: Im telling you.
Ross: Okay lets put aside that you (Makes quote marks with his fingers.) "accidentally" picked up my grandmothers ring and you (Does it again) "accidentally" proposed to Rachel.
Ross: Well, yeah, of-of course Im okay! What? Im just being supportive. Supportive of you and this whole trip, and-and (notices something) what-what is uh, whats this? (He holds up a rather skimpy bathing suit.)
Ross: You sure?
Ross: Fine, fine, Rachel your with Monica, Joey youre with me.
Phoebe: Listen Ross, we ran out of gas, and we dont know where we are, so we cant get a tow truck.
(Ross runs over and tackles him.)
Ross: Umm
Ross: Yeah, they all know.
Rachel: Ross!
Ross: What are you doing up?
Ross: Are ya?
Ross: Wow! The only thing I got from my Grandmother was her eyes. I mean not-not her actual eyeballs, but, but people say that my eyesDo-do you want to make out?
Ross: What?! Look, were trying to rebuild a relationship here, right. How am I supposed to do that here, without being totally honest with each other?
Ross: (stunned) (thinks) Well uh
Ross: (annoyed) Yeah!
Ross: But I-I was going to see if yknow, maybe you uh, start dating again but thatI mean that-that was all, Rach.
Rachel: (stopping him) Oh, wait Ross! Im sorry, one more thing!
Ross: Let me see that! (Grabs the invitation and reads it.) Oh man!
Ross: Hey, remember how Chandler and Phoebe blew us off yesterday?
Ross: Oh.
Monica to Ross: Hi.
ROSS: I told you there was going to be sub-titles.
Ross: Oh, okay.
Ross to Monica: Hi.
Ross: Yeah! I-I teach it in my class.
Ross: Thats my gym.
Ross: Cool! Dad! My report cards! Hey, check this out dad, (reading his grades) Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym (He puts it away and finds something else.) Oooh, my rock polisher!
Ross: God, you're amazing... I didn't even have to ask you to call me that.