words in movies
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.
Ross: Oh, Pheebs, Im sorry, Ive got to go. Ive got Lamaze class.
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think Im pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Monica: Ross, thats my jacket.
Ross: I know.
(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, and rushes out.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Ross: Susan is Carols, Carols, Carols, friend...
Ross: Like buddies.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Ross: Err, right.
Ross: A little.
Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, twins... hah! Thats like two births. (He struggles again.) Ouch.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
Ross: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink.
Monica: Ross, your little creatures got the remote again.
Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...
Ross: Relax, Ill fix it.
Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this?
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Ross: You okay?
Ross: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Ross: Sorry.
Ross: Hi. Sorry Im late. Wheres, wheres Carol?
Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know whats going on.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Ross and Susan: What? What? What?
Ross: Okay, Im gonna play my sperm card one more time.
Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do?
Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads!
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carols doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Ross: Susan, go deep.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everythings gonna be alright.
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
(Ross is staring blankly into space.)
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Ross: Im gonna be a father.
Ross: I always knew I was havin a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I cant even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Ross: No, come on, he doesnt know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.
(Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.)
Joey: I say, 'I am there!' Cool! Aw, is Ross going to?
Ross: Ahhh.
Cailin: Good bye Ross.
ROSS: Look, I know you don't want to hear this right now but, we've seen him in his new place, alright. And he's happy, he's, he's decorated.
Monica: Ross will do it.
Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.
Ross: You are, you're welling up.
Joey: Yeah, maybe its like y'know, that jock thing. Y'know how football players pat each other after touchdowns. (pats Ross on the butt)
Ross: Yes, and the dimmer switch.
Ross: Oh sure, "Ross will do it!" Its not like he has a job, or a child, or a life of his own.
[Scene: Central perk, Ross is sitting on the chair as Rachel walks in.]
CHANDLER: Can you hold on a moment? I have another call. (to Ross) I love her.
Ross: Uh, I'm not really a shot drinking kinda guy.
Ross: (excited) A Play-Dough Barber Shop?
Ross: (to the guy in the window seat next to him) Hey! Y'know that teacher who had a baby with her student? (He points at Rachel.)
Janice: Here, Ross, take our picture. (Hands him a camera and he starts snapping) Smile! You're on Janice Camera!
RADIO: The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him. (With or Without You plays)
Ross: Hi.
Guru Saj: You must be Ross.
Ross: Evidently they do.
Ross: What?! What?!
Ross: Oh God!
Ross: What was, what was that?
Ross: Ow!!
Ross: I guess its worth a try.
Ross: What?! Hows that?
Ross: No-no-no, I-I wanna play.
Ross: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's my puck?
Ross: Can I see you for a second?
ROSS: [long pause] She's not Rachel.
Ross: Ironically, most of the boxes seem to be labeled clothes.
Ross: (entering) Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.
Ross: All right. (Reading.) A room. A man enters, he looks suspicious. (Stops reading a flips the page to find the next one is blank.) That's it? (Joey shrugs.) Joey, you're supposed to have five pages done by now! Including an exciting incident! (Flipping through the rest of the pad.) And what is, and what is all this?! (Reading.) The official rulebook of Fireball.
[Rachel is still cleaning, Ross is laying on the couch. Ross kicks Rachel in the butt.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are getting back from the lecture.]
Ross: Fine! Thank you for warning me. At breakfast Ill be on full alert for room painting and sex weapons.
Ross: Oh, well, when you don't have the cards, you don't have the cards, you know. (looks at Rachel) But, uh... look how happy she is. (smiles)
Ross: What happened?
Rachel: (entering, out of breath) Airport, airport. Ross, not alone, Julie, arm around her. Cramp, cramp.
Ross: Shh! (singing) Here we come, walkin' down the street, get the funniest looks from, everyone we meet. Hey, hey! (to Carol) Hey, uh, did you just feel that?
Ross: Joey! The vet said its a simple procedure.
Ross: (stunned) Dude, what are you doing?
All: Whoa. (they all lean in to get a closer look, Ross isn't pleased)
Chandler: Oh and Ross was like what? A lion tamer?
[Ross approaches Rachel at counter.]
Rachel: Oh, I know. Hey, yknow what we never did? (Ross looks at her.) Oh no, not that. (Ross nods okay.) We uh, we never had bonus night!
Ross: Well maybe she wouldnt have to be selfish in bed if someone else knew where everything was!
Ross: Hey, its my list.
Ross: What, what do you mean, what? Is he gay?
Ross: Okay. (Closes the door.) (To Phoebe) I did divert her and we ended up having a great time! Okay?
Ross: What? No! No, Im not stopping. Im Red Ross!
Ross: Well, then that guy is in serious, serious trouble.
Ross: All right! You go get him! Lets go!
Ross: Thats what you said last night.
Ross: Hot dog?
Ross: Hey! How long until Petes fight?
Ross: Pheebs, I think shes great. Okay? Were going out again.
Ross: No, I-Im saying I liked her.
Ross: You know, I think that�s a good idea�our babysitter just pounded in another Chardonnet. (both get up) Bye, y�guys.
(In slow motion, Phoebe snaps the ball, Rachel goes long. Joey and Chandler and all over Phoebe, leaving Rachel wide open. Ross starts to rush Monica, who sees Phoebe is double covered, in desperation she throws to Rachel. We see flying through the air, and then Rachel running underneath it, then the ball, then Rachel again, then the ball, then Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey staring at it in shock. Then with the grace of Jerry Rice (no offense to Jerry Rice), Rachel catches the ball, and she stops and spikes the ball. Both Phoebe and Monica erupt in celebration.)
Ross: Oh, somebodys feeling better.
Ross: Oh I a lot of stuff!
(We see Ross and Bonnie laughing and having a good time.)
Joey: (startled) Yeah, okay but look, buy uhHey-hey, yknow, yknow who else I like? You! And it-it doesnt get said enough. I like you Ross.
ROSS: Well, why're you all dressed up?
ROSS: No, no, let me finish.
ROSS: Check it out, he actually is the MonkeyShine monkey.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is setting up for his time with Marcel. Joey is there.]
Rachel: (all excited) Op, op, car! Car!! (sees its Ross) Ugh!!!
Ross: Thats too bad.
Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!
ROSS: I don't know.
Ross: Go, go, go!
(Ross enters and he's really angry. He goes towards Chandler who's sitting at the counter)
(Ross suddenly gets up and heads for the bathroom.)
Ross: Yeah, ooh yeah, I think there is one from batch 17 left, uh (Grabs a cookie and takes a big bite out of it and doesnt like it.) Its batch 16! 16 people! Get out of the way! (Gets up and runs for the bathroom.)
Ross: Get away!
Rachel: Take it like a man, Ross!
ROSS: Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, ya know, giving him away.
Ross: Stay away!
Ross: Ow! Ow! Oh, no-no-no!
Ross: Hey!
ROSS: What, woah, woah, $3500 at porcelain safari?
Ross: Oh-oh, guess what? I-I have a date with Elizabeth (Talking into Chandler's ear.) Hornswoggle.
[cut to a montage of scenes involving Bonnie, Ross, and Rachel from the last episode.]
Ross: Okay.
Ross: Thats right good things, that-that is what I said. (glances at Monica)
Ross: Well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I either keep my wife and lose one of my-my-my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced the second time before I'm 30! So-so if anyone has-has a better suggestion, let's hear it! 'Cause I-I got nothing! All right, don't be shy, any suggestion will do. (There are none.) Okay then. Here we go. Magic 8 Ball, should I never see Rachel again? (He turns it over and reads the answer) Ask again later. Later is not good enough. (He shakes it up again and reads the answer.) Ask again later. What the hell! This is broken! It-it is broken!
Ross: Oh.
Ross: Well, hes finally alseep. About that ah, bump on his head?
Ross: Hey! (Rachel is shocked) Hi Bonnie!
Ross: (looking at ticket) Yep! Yeah, see this says D-13, and uh
Chandler: Okay, well Im gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. Youre 32! (Exits)
Ross: Good morning.
Ross: Oh hey, dont thank me, thank yourself. Youre the one who faced her fears and ultimately overcame them.
Ross: Nah ah! Nah ah! (stops him form doing so) No no no! No ad-libbing and dude, you can't touch the paintings.
Ross: Hi.
Chandler: Yknow that thing that Ross was gonna do at our wedding?! He was hanging out with me yesterday and he turned to me and said, "Youre half Scottish right?"
Ross: Im sorry Im late, did I miss anything?
Ross: You still love me?