words in movies
(Ross and Emily enter.)
Ross: Oh, we went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs and the Cupert-Hewitt museum.
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Bye. (They kiss.)
Ross: Oh yeah, shes-shes amazing. And-and shes so much fun. And! Yknow what? When Im with her, Im fun! I even signed up for helicopter classes. (Chandler is shocked.) Shes leaving in two days, I dont have to do it.
Ross: Yeah, shes got to go back to London. But you know what? Ive been prepared for this from the start. We both knew we had two weeks together, and thats it. Yknow.
Chandler: Yes, but in Rosss case, they both know in two weeks thats it.
Ross: Pheebs!
Ross: (starts rubbing her belly) Hello! Hello!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross is writing on the Magna-Doodle as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily. But its actually for Joshua. (Starts handing out party hats.) Look, he said hes not ready to date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I have the perfect opportunity to seduce him! (Hands Ross a party hat.)
Ross: Well, as much as Id like to meet Josh and warn him, Emily and I arent going to be here. All right? I mean, shes going to come by first to say good-bye, and then Ive got a whole special evening planned. So Im sorry, no party.
Rachel: Well, it was all Rosss idea.
Ross: You really didnt know?
Ross: (interrupting Monica and Emily) So we should probably get going soon.
Ross: Yeah, but we-we have to be at the Four Seasons for drinks in 15 minutes and then yknow, then The Plaza for dinner.
Ross: No-no-no, no, umm, actually American surprise parties are-are-are very short. Its usually, "Surprise!" And then, "Oh my God, Im so surprisedgood-bye!"
Emily: But Ross, Im such having a great time! Your sister has just been telling me that you used to dress up like little, old ladies and hold make-believe tea parties.
Ross: Monica said that did she? (He squeezes Monicas knee really hardly and Monica winces in pain.)
Emily: (with her coat on, shes leaving with Ross) Thank you so much for this. It was really so thoughtful of you.
Ross: Yes, we have something we have to get to.
Ross: What big thing?
Ross: (stopping them) Okay, that-thats enough! Yknow, lets, lets let someone else play.
(Rachel spins the bottle and it lands on .wait for it .Joshua. (You thought I was going to say Ross, didnt you?) Rachel squeals in delight and starts a slow sexy crawl over to Joshua, making sure he and everyone else watching gets a good look at her cleavage.)
[Cut to Ross and Emily standing by the foosball table.]
Ross: Okay, we could still make dinner if we skipped the appetisers and asked for our check right away.
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is sitting on the step drinking a beer as Rachel comes out of the guys apartment.]
Ross: Thats okay. Shes still in there enjoying her fake party and uh, its too late to do any of the things I had planned, so
Rachel: Oh, Ross, Im sorry. I completely ruined your evening.
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Helps a little.
Ross: Yeah, have a seat.
Ross: Thats okay, I mean it was just two-week thing anyway, I just didnt want it to end this way, yknow?
Ross: What do you mean?
Ross: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, yknow no commitment.
Rachel: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monicas photo albums, I mean you dont do that if youre just in it for two weeks.
Ross: You think?
Ross: Hey, youre right.
Ross: Thanks. (He starts to go inside and stops.) What photo album was it?
Ross: Oh my God! Those werent albino kids, that was computer camp! Rach! (He hurries inside and Chandler is taking out the garbage.)
Ross: Maybe Ill take her to that new French restaurant down the street
Chandler: I know, she's been such a big part of my life. And it feels like when Melrose Place got cancelled. (Ross and Joey looks puzzled) I mean... oh, forget it. I miss Melrose Place!
(Ross returns from getting some coffee.)
Monica: Well I guess there is no harm in telling you now, Rachel and Ross are gonna have a baby.
Ross: Uh, Pheebs, while were hovering around the subject. I just have to say dinosaurs, they-they dont go, rrroof!
Ross: Uh actually, we-weve narrowed it down to two names.
Rachel: Okay. Just give us a second. Ross! (They walk away from the desk.)
[Scene: The street right in front of Central Perk. Phoebe's cab is there. Ross and Phoebe run over and jump in.]
Ross: He sounds swell.
Rachel: Ross!! Are you crazy?! I am still your wife!! What, were you just never gonna tell me?!! What the hell is wrong with you?!!!! Ugh, I could just kill you!!!!
Ross: You know, I think thats a great idea. It'll be like the pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis.
Ross: What?! You totally get embarrassed!
[Joey and Ross drop their video game controllers.]
[Cut to the other side of the apartment, Ross has gone over to straighten things out with Paolo.]
Rachel: All right, its okay. One little setback is okay, just dont let it happen again, all right? Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But Im just gonna take the-the pajmena. (Ross hands it to her.) And the uh, and the uh pants. Yknow what, Im just gonna take it all away, cause that way youll just really learn the lesson. Okay? All righty, Im gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner. (Leaves with all of Jills stuff.)
Joey: (To Ross) Were not peeking? (Follows him.)
Rachel: Oh come on Ross!! (She tries to switch places with him and goes under his leg.)
Ross: (he gets up and starts to run away from her) No! (in his escape attempt he crushes Chandlers sand castle) No!
Phoebe: Thats right, there you go! Crushes happen all the time! I know Ive had them for all you guys. Well, except for Ross and Chandler. And Im sure youve had them for us.
Chandler: Oh come on! Hello! Hi! My name is Chandler, here's my friend Ross right here, and we were wondering you know if you're up for it. We only need six more people for a human pyramid...Swoop!! Swoop!!
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross is fixing a display, Rachel is waiting patiently.]
Ross: Yeah. I'm sorry too. I'm even more sorry that that phone call didn't come before I told you about looking through the window.
Ross: All right, I gotta go. I'm taking Ben to the park.
Ross: Hey. Hey, check out the flyers for the band. I made 'em on a Macintosh in the computer room!
[Scene: Phoebe's at her apartment waiting for Mike Ross comes over.]
Ross: Oh, major shampoo explosion!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Monica, and Joey are playing Monopoly.]
Ross: Yes lets. Yknow what? Uh, its-its not important. What is important is that, is that were having a baby. And its notDoesnt matter who came on to who.
ROSS: Well we did it, we're here. We are standing our ground. How long does a cup of coffee take?
Chandler: This is ridiculous, hes not gonna hold his breath (Ross cuts him off by taking a deep breath and holding it.)
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. That is not true. Ross, is this your fantasy?
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is still trying to get Ben to play with something other than the Barbi doll.]
Joey: Ross! Ross! If youre going to the airport, could you pick me up another one of those Toblerone bars? (Chandler nods his head no.)
Ross: Not my first time in a hotel, my friend.
Ross: Come on, who are we kidding? Im doody. Please? Shes watchin.
(Ross walks over to the scrum, walks around a bit looking for a way to get into the scrum.)
Rachel: Okay Ross, werewait a minute. Umm, I uh, I kinda have a little confession.
Ross: Turns out this sweater is made for a woman.
Rachel: (starts laughing, Ross stares at her) Im sorry. Im sorry. Youre right, you are a tough guy. Youre the toughest palaeontologist I know.
Ross: Ah y'know, this building is on my paper route so I... (gives her a flower)
Ross: Yes, but I don't wanna die in your cab!
Ross: Yeah-yeah, except Apollo 8 didnt actually land on the moon. But you-you-you could write that umm, your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely. (Apollo 8 was the first one that orbited the moon and the one that read the Christmas Story from the orbit of the moon on Christmas Eve, 1968. They also took the famous Earthrise picture of the Earth rising over the moon.)
Ross: (to Phoebe) Ranion's theory of species variegation?
Ross: Well, and how about this? There is an anthropologist at school who totally came on to me during the inter-departmentalPotluck dinner.
Ross: Oh, that's OK. I'm sure there are tons of other beautiful paleontologists out there.
Chandler: Well, my secretary is gonna be out for a couple of weeks. She is having one of her boobs redused. (Ross looks at her.) It's a whole big boob story.
Rachel: Yeah, maybe, but I dont think I even care. I dont think hes the one Im sad about. Yknow, I know that I said that I am totally okay with Ross getting married, but as it turns out, I dont think Im handling it all that well.
Ross: (loudly) So I'm going over to Amanda's tonight!
Ross: Uhh, it was okay. Yeah, it was fun.
Rachel: (on phone) Hello, Mark? Hi, its Rachel Green. (listens) Oh no, dont you apologize. (listens) Yeah, Ill hold. (to Monica and Ross) He left my number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.
Ross: Why does Joanna need two assistants, how, how lazy is she?
Joey and Ross: (faking dissapointment) Okay.
CHAN: Hey, we're having some fun now, huh, Ross? Wanna do another one, huh Russ? OK... eleven letters, atomic element number 101... ends in ium.
Rachel: Oh my God Ross! What in heavens name are you doing here?
Ross: Look at you! WhatYoure-youre this big executive! You are much more capable than you give yourself credit for. I-I have no doubt youre gonna be an incredible mother.
Chandler: (To Ross) No, thats okay. (Ross nods and retreats.) Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever gonna had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way its okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if Im sure? (He leans in and kisses her.)
Phoebe: (To Ross) Which-which sister is this? Is this the spoiled one or thats bitter?
(cut to the street in front of Central Perk where Ross is walking Chappy. He has a plastic bag in his hand.)
(They shake hands. Cut to Ross emerging from a hallway, grinning inanely. He is obviously very stoned)
Ross: Because he called here looking for you. So don�t tell me this...this kissing this guy from work is a one time thing,ok? You�ve been out there in bars and on balconies for over a month now. And you didn�t even have the courtesy to tell me.
Ross: Look, I am a reasonable man. I will accept store credit.
Ross: Good, 'cause the ladies, not so much. (shakes his head, give him a thumbs up and leaves)
Chandler: When it comes down to it, you would risk your life for Ross before you would for me. That's the bottom line.
Rachel: Oh my God, Oh my God, here comes Ross. He's gonna flip out.
Ross: Yeah, see Mon, listen, listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing. And you know what I did?
Ross: Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.
Chandler: Hang up, hang up. And that was a great movie! (Monica hangs up) I'm so gonna get back at Ross... oh yeah, this will show him, here we go (starts typing something).
[Cut to Monica and Ross leaving Joey and Chandlers hotel room in London. As they exit Joey and Chandler enter from the bathroom with both of their pants down around their ankles.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ben is playing in his crib while Chandler and Ross are leaning against the rim and are completely asleep.]
Ross: The way he makes me feel about myself.
Ross: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth.
Ross: No, it's ok! Made me feel like a rock star!
Ross: Oh the bands ready! And wellI-Iwe gotta do what the band says, right? I dont care about the stinkin band!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Hyper-competitive Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are still playing catch. Monica is finally tiring while the rest of them are totally exhausted and virtually asleep.]
Ross: Fajitas! Be careful, very hot plate, very hot plate!!
Ross: (embarassed) Oh, it was... it's complicated, you know? She... she was... eh... gay.
(Suddenly the doors burst open, and ROSS AND RACHEL COME OUT ARM-IN-ARM!!!!! And Rachel's carrying a bouquet!!! THEY GOT MARRIED!!!!)
Monica: We should get over there and see if she's okay. (switching places with Ross) Just one...second! Score! (Monica scores, high-fives with Ross) Game! Come on. (Monica and Phoebe leave)
Ross: Pffhah.
Ross: (He puts his hand over the hole on the box.) (to Chandler) Now, well see.
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
Ross: So its really a question of who could you have possibly done.
Rachel: You had no right coming down to my office Ross. You do not bring a picnic basket to somebodys work! Unless maybe they were a park ranger!
Ross: Anyway, uhm...Well, I'm glad there's no hard feelings.
Ross: Oh My God, she-she made half a English Trifle, and half a...Sheperds Pie!
Ross: Oh, I uh, hope you don't mind, I kinda uh, jazzed it up a little. Check this out. (He plays the greeting, and We Will Rock You starts to play and Ross's voice comes over it.) We will, we will, call you back!
Ross: Come on Rach, you cant even eat alone in a restaurant.
Ross: No. I am not putting on makeup. (Knock at the door. Phoebe enters.)
Ross: He's unconscious, I think we'll be just fine!
Ross: Ok, I'm off to talk to my unborn child.
Kid: I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers. (Ross looks at Chandler for help.)
Phoebe: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)
Ross: Chappy's heart rate has slowed way down.
Ross: (he kisses her on her forehead) Good night.
Ross: (feeling it too) No! No! Its wrong! Its-its-its naughty. Its taboo.
Monica: Oh Ross, sometimes grown-ups have commitments they just cant get out of!
Emily: Ross, take me off speakerphone.
Ross: Yeah, y'know how I have you guys, well she doesnt really have any close friends that are just hers, but last week she meet this woman at the gym, Susan something, and they really hit it off, and I-I-I think its gonna make a difference
Rachel: They're waiting for me, Ross. I can't do this right now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.