words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except Monica as Ross enters carrying a huge stack of newspapers.]
Ross: Hey you guys I got some bad news. (He sets the stack of papers down on the table.)
Ross: No, Monicas restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. (They all gasp.) I didnt want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find. (He hands the paper to Phoebe and they all read it.)
Ross: Umm
Ross: But the good news is, no one in a two-block radius will ever know.
Ross: Yeah, they all know.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, its late at night, Rachel is sitting on the couch in the dark wide-awake as Ross walks to the bathroom.]
Rachel: Ross!
Ross: (startling him) What?! What?
Ross: Are ya?
Ross: What are you doing up?
Ross: Okay look, I had a lot of water before I went to bed. Can we do this after
Rachel: (interrupting him) No-no-no-no-no Ross! Please, come on we do not have any of the big stuff we need! We do not a changing table! We do not have a crib! We do not have a diaper service!
Ross: Its funny you should mention diapers.
Ross: Okay look, theres nothing to worry about. We have plenty of time. Theres a great baby furniture store on west 10th. Tomorrow, we will go there and we will get you everything that you need. Okay?
Ross: (interrupting her) Okay. Okay. If uh, if youre gonna do this, then Im gonna do that. (Points to the bathroom.) So (Starts for the bathroom.)
Rachel: (stopping him) Oh, wait Ross! Im sorry, one more thing!
Ross: (annoyed) Yeah!
Ross: (stunned) (thinks) Well uh
[Scene: The Baby Furniture Store, Ross and Rachel are checking out.]
Ross: Oh.
Ross: We are having a baby together, but were not involved. (The cashier, a very beautiful woman, looks confused) I mean, uh we-we were seeing each other a while ago, but then we were just friends. And then there was one drunken night. (Rachel looks at him angrily) Or, yes stranger, wed like this delivered please.
Ross: Oh, okay.
Ross: I chose those, Im a paleontologist.
Ross: Yeah! I-I teach it in my class.
Ross: Thats my gym.
Cashier: I can tell you work out. (Ross is please and Rachel looks at him confused.) A paleontologist who works out, youre like Indiana Jones. (Rachel has a disbelieving look on her face.)
Ross: I am like Indiana Jones.
Rachel: Oh, it was great! We got everything that we needed! Oh and Ross, almost got something that wasnt on the list. A whore.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are unpacking and setting up their new purchases.]
Ross: My son? Pretty serious. (Theres a knock on the door and Ross answers it.) Oh hey Katie! (The cashier from before) What uh, what are you doing here?
Ross: Ah, mustve been fairly obvious since it was the only thing left in your store.
Ross: Oh. (Reaches into his pocket for some money as Rachel enters the living room and watches holding two stuffed dinosaurs.)
Ross: Oh! Wow! Uh, yeah! That sounds great. Im just gonna put this (The money) back in my pocket, pretend that didnt happen. Uh yeah, actually Im free now. Do you wanna grab some coffee or
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, continued from before.]
Ross: (To Katie) Yeah, Im just gonna grab my coat. And uh, and my whip. (Katie looks worried.) Yknow because of the Indiana Jones? (Katie laughs) Not-not because Im-Im into S&M. (Katies worried again.) Im not-Im not into anything weird. Yknow? Just-just normal sex. (Katie is uncomfortable.) So, Im gonna grab my coat. (Does so, leaving Katie and Rachel alone.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is returning from his date.]
Ross: Hey.
Ross: How are you?
Ross: Uhh, it was fun. We, we just had coffee.
Ross: Whats uh, whats going on? Do you not, do you not like Katie?
Ross: I liked her.
Rachel: Of course you did Ross, you would date a gorilla if it called you Indiana Jones!
Ross: Did you get like a fresh batch of pregnancy hormones today?!
Ross: Why? What was wrong with her?
Ross: Okay, so whats the matter?
Ross: (laughs) Why? What, what are you jealous?
Ross: Okay.
Ross: I wont date. Ill uh, Ill be here, with you, all the time.
Ross: True, but youre allowed to be unreasonable. Youre having our baby.
Rachel: (starting to cry) Oh Ross, thank you. Thank you. (They hug.)
Ross: Do you feel better?
Ross: Uh Rach?
Ross: Just one thing umm
Ross: We live together. Youre having our baby. Im not gonna see anybody else. Are you-are you sure you dont want something more?
Ross: Oh-oh, Rach! I was just messin around! (Shes stunned) Like you did last night when I had to pee?
Ross: (pause) Okay. Okay. Because for a minute you said you
Ross: that you actually
(They both laugh. Ross sits down, but Rachel doesnt move and is lost in thought.)
Ross: Rach?
Ross: The bathroom?
[Scene: Central Perk, I'm sure you've guessed, it's the famous fight scene between Ross and Rachel.]
Ross: Chandlers gonna ask Monica to marry him!
Ross: Hey-hey Pheebs!
Ross: Yeah, you didnt get one.
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Ok, but you know what? I gotta say, I'm really impressed that you were able to memorize all this so quickly!
Ross: What am I supposed to do? He's out cold! In fact he was just talking in his sleep before and evidently he wants someone named Fran to spank him harder.
JULIE: Um, oh, I don't know. I mean, it's definitely weird not being with Ross, but I guess I'm doing OK. Actually I've got some of his stuff that he, um....
Rachel: (To Ross) Fine! (To the salesman) We went out.
Ross: Okay, Mon, I really don't think this is the... Okay, you're dialing, you are dialing.
Monica: Ross theyre really, really, really white.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Ross: I dont know.
Ross: Oh, well no, but I mean, she only goes out with really, really smart guys.
Ross: Ohh. (He drops the shoes, takes the brush from her, and licks the tip. He doesnt like how it tastes.)
Mike: ...and I was wondering if... you know, maybe one of you guys... (Ross stands up)
Ross: Yeah, yeah you have the ring?
Joey: (still with his door wedged in the door gap, now opens his eyes wide and stares at Monica and Chandler as he did with Ross earlier in the hall) Hey listen guys, we feel really terrible.
Ross: Yeah, It's just... I don't think I can do this...
Ross: So weird to see all these people again... Oh my God, look, there's Geoffrey Cleric.
Monica: Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (To Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Ross: (stands up) Thats great! Are you happy now? Look what you did with your funny, funny form!
Ross: Huh. Yknow whats not one of a kind? A twin!
Ross: Ahh, no, Im good.
Ross: (sounds excited) Hi you guys! what's going on, you... you guys wanna hang out...or...? (Looks around the room nervously) do you...do you guys hear a buzzing?
Ross: Whats-whats going on?
Ross: It-its great to meet you Paul.
Ross: Yeah! Got it! (slams down the phone)
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Ross: No! Okay! Okay! (Stops her.) Okay, look, can I, can I just-just talk to you for a second?
Ross: What?! What? How do you, how do you even know its broken?!
Ross: They published my paper.
Ross: My apothecary table!!!
[Scene: Chandlers gym, He and Ross are there to cancel his membership.]
Ross: But if I hadn't walked in here, would you..?
Ross: Who?
(Ross and Joey urge Chandler to tell Rachel.)
Joey: Ross, you dont have to yell.
(They go inside and Ross closes the door. When he turns around Elizabeth walks up to him, pushes him back against the door, and starts kissing him.)
Ross: Hmm.
Ross: Hey, I know whatll get us up on a platform!
Joey: (to Ross) Just get in there and make a face to face apology, you know? Look them in the eye. I know I can get them to forgive us.
Ross: Yeah, I was but uh, she was a little busy with a water balloon fight.
ROSS: I just wanna thank you for being there for me today. And I'm sorry I,I almost broke your hand.
Ross: Oh, it's-it's Marcel. He keeps shutting me out, y'know? He's walking around all the time dragging his hands...
Ross: Well then a small one!! Listen, lets, we kinda have to get going!
Ross: Id bet Id still be doing my kara-tay. (Thats karate, hes just saying it that way.) Towards the end of our marriage I was doing a lot of kara-tay as a way of releasing the tension from yknow, not doing anything else physical.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are having dinner.]
Ross: and it was Ernst Muhlbrat who first hypothesized that the Velociraptor would expand its collar and emit a high pitched noise to frighten its predator. (A student raises his hand.) Yes Mr. Lewis?
Ross: What?!
Ross: Okay, go left. Left! Left! (The bottom of the couch is hitting the railing.)
Ross: Elizabeth, thank God! I was just thinking about
Elizabeth: (sticking her head out her window) Ross! Wait!
Ross: Look I've already looked at like a thousand apartments this month and none of them even compares to that one!
[Scene: Cental Perk, Joey and Ross are persecuting Chandler about his smoking.]
Ross: Did you see the look that girl just gave me? Huh? She mustve seen me cruising in the bad boy.
Ross: Of course, of course, Mr. Stevens.
Ross: Uh no-no, she-shes out for the night.
Rachel: Okay. (they both look into the camera, and Ross waves.) Hi Emma. Well, your first birthday is over, and it was really...
Ross: You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now.
Ross: (with his mouth full) Just a second! (he fake laughs, but turns his head and starts to break down)
Ross: Fighting?!
Ross: (realizes something) The photo album! There were millions of pictures of the apartment in the photo album. We just go through it and match everything to the pictures.
Ross: Hey, come on in.
Ross: Rach!
Ross: What happened you guys?
Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe: Hey, Mon.
[Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross is at the Monkey cages.]
Ross: Phoebe.
Ross: I guess so.
Ross: Ohh, I dont think so.
Ross: Right. Ohh! You-you want me to be your backup.
Ross: Ohh, yeah I already have one.
Phoebe: Uh, only if you have the hiccups too. Yeah, the pictures are for you, the water and the chocolate is for me. I just didnt feel like getting up. Okay, Im gonna show you a picture of Ross. Okay? And youre going to remember all of the bad things about him. All right? Really focus on his flaws.
Ross: What, you didnt get it? The doctor is a monkey.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Ross: Phoebe, how could you do this to me?!
Ross: Oh come on, not again.
Ross: I was not!
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah!
Monica: Right. Umm, listen since were-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Rosss mother
Ross: All right.
Ross: Hey, whatd you guys do to get up on there?
Ross: Come on! Come on! Here, okay-okay, you see this? (Points) This tiny thing that looks like a peanut?
Phoebe: (reading) Ross!
Elizabeth: So uh, Monica is Rosss sister.
[Scene: The Hallway between the Apartments, Ross is hiding behind that bump out on Monicas side waiting for Phoebe and Rachel. As they come up the stairs, he jumps out and yells ]
Phoebe: Oh no wait no, this is wrong! Ross isnt here!
Ross: Hey, whats going on?
Ross: Whats up?
Ross: Oh when you beeped me I was on line at the concession stand at the movie theater.
Ross: Where is she?
Ross: Are you sure shes in the cat, or have you been taking your grandmas glycoma medicine again?
Ross: Oh, yeah, last week you had a wonderful, nutty, chocolatey kind of a cakey pie thing. (Rachel gives him a dirty look) Nothing, just, just, I'm fine.
Ross: Well, I was just playing with him, and y'know we were doing the alphabet song, which he used to be really good at, but suddenly hes leaving out e and f. Its like they just ah, I dont know, fell out of his head.
(Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)
Ross: What? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.
(Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his phone.)
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Thanks.