words in movies
[Scene: Moondance Diner. Ross, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are sitting at the counter, Monica is working. Monica is wearing her costume, including big fake breasts.]
ROSS: Question. Why do we always have to have parties where you poach things?
ROSS: Question two. Why do we always have to have parties with committees?
ROSS: Yeah.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are planning Rache's birthday party.]
ROSS: I talked to Rachel's sisters, neither of them can come.
ROSS: Hi honey, how did it go?
MONICA: Chandler could you at least send some women to my party? [buzzer goes off] Alright that's Ross.
ROSS: Thanks for being born.
ROSS: Oh, now you can exchange them if you want, ok.
[they kiss and Ross backs her into her apartment and turns on the lights]
ROSS: Really?
ROSS: All right.
ROSS: What?
[Ad break. Time lapse. Still at party at Chandler and Joey's. Rachel is talking to Chandler and Ross.]
ROSS: You know what, this is ridiculous, ok. This is your birthday, this is your party. I say we just put 'em all together and if they can't deal with it, who cares.
ROSS: That's who.
ROSS: Ok, do you have any ideas for any openers?
ROSS: Hi Dr. Greene. So, uh, how's everything in the uh, vascular surgery....game?
MR. GREENE: It's not a game Ross, a woman died on my table today.
ROSS: I'm sorry. See that's the good thing about my job. All the dinosaurs on my table are already dead.
ROSS: Oh, here, I, I'll get it for ya. Whad'ya want?
ROSS: Scotch. Alright, I'll be back in 10 seconds with your scotch on the rocks in a glass.
ROSS: Cool.
ROSS: I know.
MR. GREENE: Oh hello Ross, where have you been?
ROSS: Hi. Uh, I have been in the bathroom. Stay clear of the salmon mousse.
ROSS: Oh, mine too. Isn't that neat, scotch neat. Would you excuse me? [walks out in the hallway, Mr. Greene is walking out of Chandler and Joey's apartment] Hey, hey, where you uh, sneakin off to mister?
ROSS: No. no.
ROSS: No, um, see 'cause that, that is, that is the staging area. If you go in there, it'll ruin the whole illusion of the party. Yeah, I think you take your scotch back in there and I will get your cigarettes for you sir.
ROSS: All righty roo. [closes the door] What a great moment to say that for the first time. [goes to get the cigarettes and glasses]
MRS. GELLER: Ross, whose glasses are those?
ROSS: Mine.
ROSS: Um-hmm. [puts them on] I have a condition, apparently, that I require two different sets of focals.
ROSS: Neil Sedaka wears them.
ROSS: Ohh, big smoker. [Packs the cigarettes and flings one on Mrs. Greene in the process. Finally gets one in his mouth and it look really out of place] Big big smoker. In fact I'm gonna go ou into the hallway and fire up this bad boy. [as he walks into the hall, he comes face to face with Mr. Greene]
ROSS: Yes. [pulls them off and hands them to Mr. Greene] I was just warming up the earpieces for you.
ROSS: [pulls the cigarette off his upper lip and hands it to Mr. Greene] Yeah, yes it is, I was just moistening the tip.
CHANDLER: I, I know. [Hugs her. Ross walks out and Chandler puts her in his arms.]
[Mr. Greene opens the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment. Ross sees him and runs to the door forcing him back in then holds onto the door knob.]
MRS. GREENE: Ross, what're you doing.
ROSS: I'm getting ready for the water skiing. [Mr. Greene opens the door which pulls Ross in] How are you doing?
(Ross motions for the girls to pick.)
Ross: Yes, yes I am, one of the many things Im feeling. Well.... (picks up her coat)
Ross: Not just Janice, Janice in labor, contracting and everything.
Ross: (entering) Look, I really need some help, okay? Why? Why did I have to speak in a British accent?! What do I do?
Ross: (to Rachel) But work comes first! (to Mark) Oh hey, but thats sad about you though, what happened? Burn out? Burn all out, did ya?
Ross: (to Rachel) Look both, Joey and Monica feel the same way that I do. No-no-no-no.
Ross: Listen, I got to tell you Ive-Ive never been to a guru before, so...
Ross: Oh, thanks. Yeah, I really thought wed be able to make it work, but uh, I guess it just wasnt meant to be.
Ross: Okay, its second down. (turns away) Take all the second downs you need.
Phoebe: Yeah? (sees Ross) Hi!
Ross: I dont know what to say.
Ross: Happy for you. (He punches her back.)
Ross: None.
Ross: Im sorry.
Ross: Than I want mine, too (takes the bowl from Joey)! And if I win I'm gonna put it all into a very low-yield bond.
Ross: Well, Rachel's having drinks with him tonight.
ROSS: Alright, alright, ok. Bye.
(Ross gets fed up with Joeys banging and stops him by pulling him away from the door.)
Ross: Oh, no-no-no dont you worry about me falling asleep. I still have your letter!!!
Ross: She said you gave her the razor!
Ross: So when I came in here to see if you wanted to maybe start things up again, you were engaged to my best friend.
Ross: Okay, have fun! Wooo!!
Ross: All right. (reading the label) Candy and Cookie?
Cashier: I can tell you work out. (Ross is please and Rachel looks at him confused.) A paleontologist who works out, youre like Indiana Jones. (Rachel has a disbelieving look on her face.)
(Ross appears at the window behind them crouched behind a garbage can and ready to spring his attack on who he thinks are Phoebe and Rachel. The camera cuts to the exterior view and Phoebe and Rachel call the shots from inside.)
Rachel: Yeah, but she also invited you and Ross. Yeah, honey, Im sorry, but I dont think that was a romantic thing.
Ross: Is that Mark?
Ross: Sorry, Im sorry. Close, close, close...
Ross: I know if you were getting married Id feel, kinda .. yknow.
Ross: It does. It really and truly does.
Ross: Sandy... Hi, we uhm... we kinda need to talk. I'm afraid it's not working out.
Ross: When you put a D at the end of Fine youre not fine.
Ross: (To Joey) Hey, you wanna get something to eat or uh, do you wanna see how long we can throw this ball back and forth? Huh?
[Scene: Ross' apartment. Ross is grading papers. Charlie approaches him.]
(The rest of the gang runs away, except for Ross whos tramped inside his car. To hide he puts the top up as Monica, Rachel, and Joey come running past.)
Ross: Yes, she is this new professor of my department that I did not kiss.
Ross: Althea is correct.
Ross: Ooh! Theres no way to do this without her? Cause I kinda all ready told her uh, it was, it was already taken care of.
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. Ill cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
Ross: Oh, well, er, I already ate, but sure...! (they all look at each other when Ross grabs a plate) Guess what happened at work today...
Ross: Yeah but, on the bright side, we get to be roommates again.
Joey: Well, I was thinking that itd probably be okay because Ross hasnt gone out with Rachel in five years!
(They both continue on and Ross meows like a cat.)
Ross: Monica, uh Dad called this morning and ah, Aunt Silvia passed away.
Ross: I'm fine! Hey, I'm great! I'm just.. I'm just proud of us. There's no weirdness, no tension.
ROSS: Nuh, uh, the moment's gone.
Joey, Rachel, and Ross: Hey!
Ross: The volcano?
Ross: Huh? Oh-oh, it was fine. Uh, it was just a misunderstanding. She didnt want me to go with her. She just wanted to let me know that shes going to Florida for spring vacation.
Bonnie: (kisses Ross) Dont be too long.
ROSS: No no, you're uh, you're my lobster. See um, lobsters, uhh, in the tank when, when they're old, uhh, they get with, uhh, they walk around holding the claws. In the tank, ya know, with, with the holding and. . . Uhh, Phoebs you wanna help me out with the, the whole lobster thing?
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is working on his laptop when Rachel enters with Emma.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is looking out the window.]
Ross: No!
Ross: So why dont you quit?
Ross: Who is Maria?
Ross: Oh, it looks like mom and dads house. Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is Oh my God!!
(Ross wears the jackets and look at himself in the mirror)
Joey: Relax Ross, we'll be ready. It only takes us two minutes to get dressed.
Ross: Then how do you explain the toe ring?!
Ross: Anyway, one thing lead to another, and... oh... before you know it, we were kissing. I mean, how angry do you think Joey is gonna be?
Ross: Good! Thats good!
Ross: You dont have to shout everything.
Ross: Me? No.
ROSS: No see now, now I can't because uh, I'm feeling too self conscious.
Ross: Whoa-oh, okay! Yeah, why am I telling you that?
Ross: Erica, those things aren't free. In fact they have one of the highest mark-ups of any consumer product...
(Chandler and Ross enter)
Ross: Its heads. (The guys celebrate.) Gentlemen, pick your category.
Ross: And thats funny, why?
Ross: And so now you guys are gonna be married?
Ross: Look, they must be stopped!
Ross: Yeah, right! What was last time he met a submission deadline for an abstract (he and Charlie laugh, then Joey starts laughing too without any reason) Well, why are you laughing?
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is coming out to talk to Rachel.]
Ross: Hello.
Ross: No-no.
Ross: Yeah, its the Ultimate Fighting Combo. Yeah, I saved thirty cents, plus I get to keep the cup. Yay!!
Joey: Of course you do! I saved him! You're mad at me! It all adds up! You want Ross out of the picture.
Ross: Ah no. I dont, but it could not have been more than sixty.
ROSS: Here you go, you can pay me back whenever you like.
Ross: Oh yknow, I stillI cant believe it. Joey and Rachel I mean its Its like you and me going out, only weirder!
Ross: Ooh. What is the name of Chandlers fathers Las Vegas all-male burlesque?
Ross: Okay, quick and painful. (Starts to cork the wine)
Ross: (on the phone) Hello? (Listens.) No she cant come to the phone right now. (Listens.) Oh, right no problem. Okay, bye-bye. (Hangs up.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the next morning. Chandler, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are there.]
Ross: Thirty seconds, all the questions you can answer.
(Ross glares at Chandler.)
Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...
Ross: Oh waithold it! But then I started thinking and I stopped the kissing.
Chandler: Thank you, Ross.
Ross: (to Rachel) I was just leaving.
Ross: Oh.
Ross: Except we're not. I mean, we haven't been a couple in like, six years. Oh my god, is that right? Has it been that long?
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Ross: Oke-dokey. (He pokes her in the eye with the brush.)
Ross: 150 dollars.
Ross: Hi!
Ross: Monica knows.
Ross: Wow! You-you look great!
Ross: What?