words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe are there reading. Rachel is sitting on the couch flanked by Ross and Monica. She suddenly stops reading and starts blinking her left eye as if it's bothering her. The problem is that Joey is on her left and thinks she's winking at him and winks back. Ross is watching this and isn't quite sure of what to make of it.]
Ross: What's going on?
(Ross turns to look at Joey.)
Ross: Oh God, here we go!
Ross: Anytime anything comes close to touching her eye or anyone else's she like freaks out. Watch! Watch! (He takes his finger and moves it towards his eye.)
Rachel: (flinches) Ross! Come on! That's all right! Fine--Okay, I have a weird thing about my eye. Can we not talk about it please?
Ross: Hey, does anybody want to get some lunch? All those in favor say I? (Pokes his eye)
Rachel: (freaks) Ross! Stop it! Come on!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Ross: All right, I gotta go. I'm taking Ben to the park.
Ross: All right, bye!
Ross: Later! (Exits.)
Phoebe: Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, "Ross" on it.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Ross: Uhh, not much. You guys want to see a movie tonight?
Ross: I don't know, umm
Ross: What's with her?
Ross: Okay.
Ross: Action.
(Ross pauses and looks at him, Joey motions for him to hurry up.)
Ross: Dude, you are sick.
Joey: Man, I wish Ross was coming with us! Y'know? I'm gonna miss him!
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Ross: I just wanna say good-bye to you guys and to see if you guys will place a little bet for me, huh? Twenty bucks on black 15.
Ross: All right!
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? (Turns away) Hello? (He sits down next to her and she moves over a bit.) Phoebe? (He moves closer and she keeps moving away.) Phoe-Phoebe! (They end up hanging over the arm rest.) Come on! (He grabs the magazine away from her.)
Ross: Phoebe, are you, are you mad at me, or something? 'Cause if are please, tell me what it is I did!
Ross: Well, I don't know.
Ross: Well, whatever it is I'm-I'm very, very sorry. Okay?
Ross: Okay. So we're, we're good?
Ross: All right. (Gets up.) I'll uh, I'll see you later, okay?
Ross: ALL RIGHT!! Phoebe now come on! Will you please tell me what it is I did that mad you so mad at me!
Ross: Well if you can't remember, can't we just forget about this?
(Ross isn't sure what to do with that comment.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are there. Ross is trying to figure out why Phoebe's mad at him.]
Ross: Okay, are you mad at me because my hair gel smells?
Ross: Are you angry at me because I said your handwriting is childlike?
Ross: Yeah? Sometimes it's (Does the fist thing.)
Ross: Okay, I'm the baby. (Points at his eye.)
Ross: Hey!
Phoebe: Ooh that is definitely Chandler, Joey, or Ross. (Thinks) Or-or Rachel!
Ross: (entering) Okay Pheebs, I know how we're going to figure this out. Okay, clear your mind and answer the first thing that comes into your head. Okay?
Ross: What do you like better flora or fauna?
Ross: Who would you rather be Simon or Garfunkle?
Ross: Why are you mad at me?
Ross: When did I say you were boring?!
Ross: Phoebe! You and I have never played chess!
Ross: Hey Rach, can you pass me the TV Guide?
(Phoebe jumps to the floor as Ross tackles Rachel off of the couch. Chandler helps push Rachel onto the floor by jumping over the back of the couch. Phoebe grabs Rachel's head to hold it still and opens Rachel's eye as Monica jumps onto Chandler's back to administer the torture--I mean medicine.)
Ross: I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyones all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, Im gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.
Ross: Ok now, remember, when you get to the museum, Monet is not spelt M-O-N-A-Y. I just... I wrote that out phonetically for you.
Ross: Well, I lost. Some little girl loaned her uniform to her nineteen year old sister, who went down to the U.S.S. Nimitz, and sold over 2,000 boxes.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, the cookie trying period has pasted. Monica, Phoebe, and Ross are reflecting on the days events.]
Ross: Oh yeah, I'm sure he's gonna give you a job. Maybe make you his SEXretary.
Ross: Sorry, Im kinda keeping this one on the Q.T.
(Rachel shows Ross the definition on the dictionary, giving him a smug look; then she squints at the dictionary, as though unsure what to make out of it)
Rachel: No! Ross, no! It is not fine! Eh-eh-according to my plan I should already be with the guy I wanna marry!
(Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then embrace in a more passionate kiss, only to be interrupted by Joey and Chandler coming outside.)
Ross: (pause) Ross? I... I grew up on your block! We had Thanksgiving together last year... I had a baby with your sister!
Ross: By using CT scans and computer imaging we can in a very real way, bring the Mesozoic era into the 21st century.
Ross: Hi! Yeah! Tommys in line for the bathroom and someone just cut in front of him, I think hes gonna snap. (Hes watching very intently)
Ross: Hey, hey, it's fine. It's totally fine. We've got plenty of margaritas. It's all good.
Ross: They're still, they're still not coming on man and the lotion and the powder have made a paste!
Ross: Monica's right, swing dancing can be tricky. I'm gonna use the phone. I gotta cancel those five giant teddy bears I sent to Emily. (Looks at the rose mulch.) My God, think of the massacre.
Ross: (from the floor) Keep pushing!
Ross: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not laughing now, are ya pal!
Ross: (enters) Wow, couples who live together do start to look alike. So, Mondler...uh, what uh, what cha doin?
Ross: Oh-oh, Rach! I was just messin around! (Shes stunned) Like you did last night when I had to pee?
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
Ross: (sees the chick) Ohhh, hey! All right, listen, I-I have that TV thing in like two hours, and I need your help, okay? What do you think? (takes out two suits) This blue suit, or this brown one?
[Ross grabs the gas can he brought along, and walks through Joeys sign destroying it.]
Ross: Hey, I am not unemployed. Im on sabbatical!
Ross: (entering) Hey! So ah, what did the insurance company say?
ROSS: Yeah, but not very well, unless 14-across, 'Gershwin musical' actually is bitemebitemebitemebiteme.
(Ross is dumbfounded to see Mike instead of David)
Ross: (now fully awake) Are we really in Montreal?!
Ross: I gotta say, I have not had sex a lot of times before, this is the worst ever.
Ross: (outside her room, talking by himself) Haven't had sex in four months, I should get a medal for that!
Ross: Right, so that's a firm "no". I cannot believe this, I just keep striking out.
Ross: Par-tay!
Ross: ... and while there are certainly vast differences between these Mesozoic fossiles and the example of Homo erectus...
Ross: Oh. Yeah. (Sarcastically) Uh Chandler let me win. No, Chandlers really strong. Oh my arm is so sore. Oh nurse! (Waddles over to Mona.)
Ross: (covering his ears and screaming) La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Okay, okay, yeah, I would have been devastated but, I would still want to be with you. Because its, I mean its you.
Ross: And I'm fine never having heard it... (Rachel looks at Ross in a "why do you say that" manner) Rach, can I... can I see you for a sec?
Ross: What? Of course I did! You uh, you sat next to Sleepy Sleeperson.
ROSS: No no, no no, it's not flashy, not for a Goodfella.
Ross: So honey this uh, this threesome thing umm, I mean how-how are you gonna start to find
ROSS: There might be, a teeny, tiny, possibility.
ROSS: [reluctantly] Can I come over tomorrow and pick up Fluffy Meowington's cat toy.
Chandler: So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And anyway, were on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
Ross: (interrupts him) Okay, that's right, yes, but on Hanukkah, uh, we sing, uh (Sings) Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of clay.
Ross: (with a frozen smile on his face, realizing something's wrong with Jarvis) Ok... now... now we're just holding hands! (pulls his hand away)
Ross: The test is ready.
Ross: Ah, so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?... Just a dream I had- but, phew.
Chandler: Because weddings are a great place to meet women, and when I dance, I look like this (Starts to dancing really, really, really badly. Ross enters behind him and he stops.)
Ross: It felt like a 'big guy' moment.
Elizabeth: Bye Ross.
Ross: Here's my retainer!
(Monica passes the Envelopes on to Ross, Joey and Rachel.)
Ross: At least I know she's not going out with me to get into R rated movies.
ROSS: Wow, it, it's neat learning about submarines.
Ross: Oh my God! Im sorry, I was talking to this nurse, completely forgot.
Phoebe: nothing, I'm excited about our date, Mike this is Ross Geller this is Mike Haaaaa (starts crying)
Ross: Its a clown kit! Clown kit!
Emily: Ross, I'm only ringing to say stop harassing my relatives. Good-bye!
Ross and Rachel: (bowing) Hello!
Ross: Well, it turns out that she is going to Daytona for spring break woo-hoo. That means, that means wet T-shirt contests, guys doing shots off of girls bodies, waking up next to people you dont even know
Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...
ROSS: This screen is amazing, I mean Dick Van Dyke is practically life-size.
Rachel: Ross, you know what? She may need one..We're just going to have to make our peace with that!
Ross: I feel great. I feel- great, I fleel great.
Ross: (after a short hesitation) Fine.
ROSS: KARL!
Ross: With such a sad history.
Rachel: Ross, get over it! Its not like she hates you.
Ross: She didnt photograph well!
Ross: (looking astonished) What? NO! I am not going to give them Ben!
Ross: Come on you guys, it's no big deal! (He turns around and shows him his thing.)
Ross: Uhhhhhh that-that may be weird.
Ross: Oh, guys, you should've seen him. 'Read 'em and weep.'
Ross: Yes, it's a deadly but beautiful sport. (Does a karate chop, then does a little dance-type sway.)
Ross: Well, Chandlers my oldest friend, but Joeys myNo! Ah! (points at Rachel)
Ross: Well, not really. I mean technically its-its not against the rules or anything, but it is frowned upon. Especially by that professor we ran into last night, Judgey von Holierthanthou.
Ross: We got honourable mention in the brother/sister dance category! Look, its almost fake midnight, do we really have any other choice?
Ross: (speaking without pause, agitated) Oh yeah? Yeah? I wonder why? What could that smarmy letch possibly want?
Ross: (staring at Susan) You've tasted it? You've tasted it.
Ross: Doorknob! Doorknob!
Ross: Its a rug. (Jill winces.)
Ross: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't tell... (Joey shakes his head) Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big deal? Right?
Ross: you know I really admire your whole dating attitude, it's so healthy I'm always like is this moving to fast? Is this moving to slow? Where's this going?
Ross: I-I'm, I'm having a boy?
ROSS: [condescendingly] Dysprosium? Try mendelevium.
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out]
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
Ross: No! No! NotI dont mean I-I see her as a twelve-year-old girl! I mean I-I have a son, whos umm six and I still think of him as a baby.
Ross: (happily) Oh. (Realizes then sadly) Oh. Well I uh, I brought her some bloemen. (Flowers in Dutch.)
Ross: I thought it was gonna be a closed casket.
Ross: Huh? I know, I know. Who am I? David Bowe? (Shakes his head around, pretending like hes jamming.)
Phoebe: Okay, I know. Hold on. (She walks over to the couch.) Hey Ross?
Ross: So do I. (Slowly walks in.) Okay Rach, before anything happens (He takes off his coat) I just want to lay down a couple of ground rules. (Turns back to face her.) This is just about tonight. I don't to go through with this if it's going to raise the question of "Us." (Rachel's confused) Okay? I just want this to be (Kicks off his left shoe) about what it is! (Kicks off the other one.)
Ross: No anchovies.
Ross: 'Pwease, Aunt Monica, pwease?' Oh, unclench. You're not even gonna be there.
Ross: The first date we've had in months, and they were both such disasters.
Joey: Oh uh, me and Ross can be the judges.
Ross: Look. Look, I wasnt going to say anything to you, but... All right, I dont think you should be seeing Tommy anymore.
Ross: 'That thing'? This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you something, if I showed up here with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be welcome in your home?
Joey: Hello! (Listens.) Oh yeah! (To Chandler) It's the apartment manager; Ross put us down as references. (To the apartment manager.) Ross is the greatest guy you'll ever meet! Yeah, he's very reliable.
Joey: (stomps on the footrest which pops Ross up into a sitting position) The trail from the woman you did it with to the woman you hope never finds out who did it! (slapping his hands with each word) You always have to think about the trail!
Ross: Do you know the word crapweasel?