words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is siting on the couch as Ross and Chandler enter after playing basketball.]
Ross: (To Chandler) Dude, that reverse lay-up! Oh
Ross: Amazing!
Ross: Oh, you guys call him Cute Coffeehouse Guy, we call him Hums While He Pees.
Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross Lingers In The Bathroom.
Phoebe: He is! But hes getting divorcedRoss! Maybe you know him.
Ross: Its not a club.
Ross: Hey, divorced men are not bad men!
Ross: Soon hell be able to call you, that lady he knew who got fired.
Ross: Maybe I should open a divorced mens club.
Ross: I could put uh-uh a basketball court in the back.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are going over the picture proofs.]
Ross: I like this one. (Points to it.) It seems to say, "I love you and thats why I have to kill you."
Phoebe: Okay, I know. Hold on. (She walks over to the couch.) Hey Ross?
Ross: Yeah?
Ross: What?! No!
Ross: Look, I dont think so Pheebs. (Pause) All right, Ill do it. But just because youre a friend. (Grabs the tickets and heads to divert Whitney.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is dancing around his living room as Phoebe enters, catching and startling him.]
Ross: All right! I want my key back!
Ross: Its right there! (Points to her hand.)
Ross: Look, Im sorry but you-you-you better go Pheebs.
Ross: Oh yeahNoYoure welcome. Well talk about it later.
(Ross opens the door to reveal Whitney standing there.)
Ross: Hi Whitney.
Whitney: Hi Ross! You ready for breakfast?
Ross: Yep. (Phoebe slams the door shut.) Okay.
Phoebe: (To Ross) Kyles ex-wife? You were supposed to divert her not date her!
Ross: (opens the door and to Whitney) Hi! Im sorry, but can you give me a second while I talk to this woman, who by the way did not spend the night.
Ross: Okay. (Closes the door.) (To Phoebe) I did divert her and we ended up having a great time! Okay?
Ross: Yes! Thats where we realized we were both super cool people!
Phoebe: Well look-look, okay Ross, Kyle just told me some really bad stuff about her.
Ross: Like what?
Ross: Okay.
Ross: Fine! Thank you for warning me. At breakfast Ill be on full alert for room painting and sex weapons.
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: Pheebs come on! I mean, consider the source! Of course her ex-husbands gonna say that stuff. Now, if youll excuse me
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Phoebe are there.]
Ross: Hi.
Ross: Listen, you are hearing one side of the story, okayand F.Y.I she mustve shown Kyle over 30 paint samples before she painted that room! And his response to each one was, "I dont give a tiny rats ass."
Ross: Well, I dont think we are gonna have that problem, but maybe thats just because I am not emotionally unavailable!
Ross: I think he can be.
Ross: Well, excuse her for knowing what she wants to do with her life!
Ross: (angrily) I knew you were gonna throw that in my face!! That was three years ago! She apologized and she apologized! What more do you want?!!
Ross: So do we!! So do we!! (Ross notices a couple has been staring at them.) Im sorry you had to see that.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Phoebe are there again, only now theyre not talking to each other. Phoebe is loudly stirring her coffee.]
Ross: My God!
Ross: Well maybe she wouldnt have to be selfish in bed if someone else knew where everything was!
Ross: Wh-whats up?
Ross: Oh just say it Kyle!
Ross: (To Whitney) Yknow, he hums when he pees!
Ross: It makes him miss the bowl, but whatever.
Ross: Thats all right, we-we dont need you. In fact, hey Im over it already.
Ross: (To Phoebe) Im sorry. Ugh, Pheebs, you were, you were right about her. Yknow, she did try to use sex as a weapon! Yeah, I hurt my back a little.
Ross: Yeah, were better off without them.
Ross: Divorced mens club.
[Scene: San Diege Zoo. Ross is still at the monkey cages. A janitor is sweeping.]
Ross: (entering) Hey, you guys!
Ross: Professor Sherman, yeah. I've a meeting with him today.
Ross: It's in Barbados.
Ross: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh is he a good guy?
Ross: So-so what did the doctor say?
Ross: (puzzled) What?
Ross: Really? That would be great. I mean, I have to do something, she kinda teased me about how I dress.
Ross: How do you feel about all this?
Ross: Oh, that's not what you want...
Ross: Eh..actually no, I don't need to because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, ok, there were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke my friend is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead. (silence) Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead!?
Charlie: Oh I can't... I have seminars all day and I promised Ross I would look at his speech.
Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of shock on their faces. He realizes what he said. Quickly he says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily.
Ross: Really? Sounded like Three Blind Mice.
Ross: Four percent. Okay. I tip more than that when theres a bug in my food.
Rachel: (giggles) (To Ross) I can imagine you in a short plaid skirt and knee socks.
Ross: Not the first two, but the second two- woooo! ...I love you guys. You guys are the greatest. I love my sister (Kisses Monica), I love Pheebs... (Hugs her)
Ross: Joey! Hey, I need to talk to Charlie. Is she there?
Ross: Barbados.
Ross: You know, if it�s meant to be, I�ll guess it. Bye, bye.
(Ross drags Joey into the hall and slams the door)
Ross: Dr. Gettleman? Yeah I know, I don't think that's a good idea. In fact, I think he's dead.
Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)
Ross: (continuing) I just found out that Elizabeths dad wants to meet me.
Joey: (sees Ross) Hey all right, Ross came as doody.
Joey: Hey Ross, wouldn't it be great if we could go two straight hours without dropping it?!
Ross: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, its like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
Rachel: Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!!
(Ross mouths to Chandler, "Thank you," and he mouths, "Youre welcome," back.)
Ross: (to Emma) Can you say Barbados?
Ross: Alright, alright, now-now who should I say tricked me into doing it?
Ross: Uh, uh... Sure! Uhm... "Dear..." (he takes the notepad)
Ross: Ok, we gotta go, yeah? So, we'll see you guys tomorrow.
Ross: Wow! This is very flattering, uh...
Ross: "... Sarah. I dig you", Uh? "Doctor Ross Geller".
Ross: Hey!
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: (to Charlie) Ready to go?
Ross: (Excited) You're never going to guess who I just saw downstairs!
Ross: Uh, Joe, have you looked outside?
Phoebe: Oh well, all right, I got (Ross hands her a bag) (To Ross) thank you, I got uh, this yknow "I want a job sweater." (Holds up the same sweater.)
Ross: I picked up the divorce papers. Uh, Ive already signed everything and I put little Xs where you need to sign.
Ross: Wait a minute, are you doing that thing where you pretend it didnt go well but it really did go well?
Ross: I'll help you. Yeah, I'll make up a schedule and make sure you stick to it. And plus, it'll give me something to do.
Ross: Look Rach if-if you want to go for a ride in the Porsche Ill be glad to take you for a quick spin around the block.
Ross: The chocolates aren't here yet.
Joey: (To Ross) Ill tell you about it later. Be cool.
Ross: What, oh my God. What did you do?
Ross: Wha... what do you mean? (Goes to the laptop)
Ross: What did it say?
[Time lapse: Ross looks likes he's been trying to fix his computer but just closes it as if giving up]
Ross: Why, why would you open it?
Ross: NO! I don't!!
Ross: Okay, last night after you guys broke up... so sorry to hear about that, by the way... Well, Charlie and I were talking, and..., well...
Ross: Oh yeah? Youre going further down! Downtown!
Ross: I don't think that your monologue from Star Wars is gonna help me right now, Joe!
Ross: Well, what do you do?
Ross: Yeah. It wouldve been good if we had gotten in, but still real fun.
Ross: Get out! (Chandler runs out)
Ross: Wha... what you really think we can do that?
Julie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.
Ross: Yeah... what am I going to say to Kenneth Schwartz?
Ross: No, but ah, theres coconut in the Hanukkah Menoreoes. I tell you what, Ill put you down for eight boxes, one for each night.
Ross: Yeah, that's it?
Rachel: Okay, Ross, it has to be realistic.
Rachel: Okay Ross thats fine, but can you please stand near my head?
Ross: That's Ben, my son from my first marriage.
Ross: Oh my God, I love you.
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Hey! High-five! (they high-five)
Ross: No. (they clink glasses and drink)
Ross: Ok, odd thing to get excited about!
Emily: (rushing in) Ross! Come quickly! Theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!
Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?
Ross and Charlie: Hey!
Ross: Good night.
Ross and Rachel: Ok, good night!
Ross: Mhm, (he balance things) packing - sexy cheerleader comedy.
Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (Stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!
Ross: Oh!
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
Ross: Oh, thanks guys!
Ross: Oh, thank you so much!
Man with a bow tie: (shaking hands with Ross) I thought... it was wonderful!
Ross: Yeah?
Ross: (looks) Oh yeah! You'rehey, you're right! Here's an affordable place, (reading ad) two bedroom, close to work, ooh, it's available in five weeks!
(Ross giggles, but Charlie isn't amused at all.)
[Scene: Ross and Monicas parents garage, Ross and Monica are arriving to go through their things. Mr. Geller is in the garage.]
Ross: Youre not getting away this time mister! Unless you want that ass kicking we talked about!
Ross: You know, I'm just not uhm... that comfortable with a guy who's as sensitive as you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the gang minus Monica and Rachel are eating breakfast. Ross and Chandler are sitting at the foosball table and eating.]
Ross: Okay. Well, apparently Chandlers angry at us for not getting him a ticket to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago.
Ross: I don't know, probably just invest it.
Joey: I'm fine, I'm fine, it's just, it's just weird what's happening with her and Ross. You know, yesterday he asked me to fix him up with somebody.
Chandler: We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday. (Ross looks disappointed and switches the camcorder off)
(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.)
Ross: Posting that I died? That really isn't funny.
[Cut to Rosss apartment, hes watching TV and eating some popcorn as the phone rings.]
(Ross grabs his things and runs to the door only to be blocked by his exiting students.)
Ross: Get Out!