words in movies
Ross: Y'know if we ever go to war and youre captured, youre in for a big surprise.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch playing cards, and Phoebe is working on a new song.]
Ross: Oh, you could just go uh, "greatest of ease (plays air guitar) BAH-bah-bha-bhannn." Then go right into it.
Ross: Well umm, yknow, I used to play.
Ross: Yeah, just a little in high school, but then I really got into it in college. I mean thats-thats when I really found my sound.
(Monica is taking a drink as Ross says that, laughs, and snorts her drink.)
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Really? No. I mean, nah, I havent played in so long, and-and, well its-its really personal stuff, yknow?
Ross: No, you guys, I mean my keyboards are all the way up inNo, yeah, okay. (Runs out.)
[Cut to later that same day, Ross has retrieved his keyboard and is about to debut, "The Sound."]
Ross: Okay, guys.
Ross: Here we go. (Plays one note) Yknow, Ive-Ive never played my stuff for anyone before, so its important that-that you understand its about communicating very private emotions. (Plays another note) Yknow, umm, you should-you should think of umm, my work as wordless sound poems. Thats what Im
(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash. Basically, the music sucks.)
Ross: Really?! I mean, really?!!
Ross: Wow! Thanks, you guys. Thats uhohhh, I wanna, I wanna play you another piece! Umm! Uh-oh! I left my uh, helicopter sounds on another disk. Ill be right back! Okay? (Runs to fetch them) This is so nice, ImI am so (starts to break up and leaves)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is performing, his music hasnt improved.]
Ross: (His voice is altered to sound like a computer.) Electrifying. (He plays the sound of a ticking clock.) Emphatic time-time-time
[cut back to Ross who finally finishes his so-called song with the same crash from before. He gets some applause, mainly cause hes done.]
Ross: (with the altered voice) Thank you guys-guys-guys
Phoebe: I cant follow Ross! Itd be like those bicycle ridding chimps that followed The Beetles. No.
Monica: Phoebe, Ross sucks!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross has just finished playing.]
Ross: (to Phoebe) Hey!
Ross: Oh, thanks, thanks. So Monica tells me that uh, you dont want to play anymore because me and y'know my talent. Is that true?
Ross: Pheebs
Ross: See but, Pheebs that-that is the exact opposite intent of my music. Yknow my music is-is meant to inspire, and if it bothers you this much, then I I wont play anymore.
Ross: Yeah, okay.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch and Phoebe is getting coffee as Chandler enters. Ross is also there.]
Ross: Hey Chandler! Saw the new furniture. Very nice.
Ross: What?
Ross: No the-the sad thing is, if you had told him how you felt before you kissed her, knowing Joey, he probably just wouldve just stepped aside.
Ross: Well, I said-I said something to Phoebe.
Ross: Hey, would it be okay if I wrote a song about this.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is playing his music. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
(Ross finally finishes with the same crash, and gets some applause.)
Ross: Thank you, thanks. (Sits down next to the girls) Yeah, I lost it. Yknow, Im not gonna play anymore, (to Phoebe) would you, can you finish my set?
(Phoebe gets up and goes to play, Ross goes over and sits down next to Monica and Rachel.)
Ross: Yeah, like I could lose it.
Ross: I played bad on purpose guys.
Ross: Yeahno, just that last song.
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. Ill cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
Ross: Oh, well, er, I already ate, but sure...! (they all look at each other when Ross grabs a plate) Guess what happened at work today...
Ross: Yeah but, on the bright side, we get to be roommates again.
Joey: Well, I was thinking that itd probably be okay because Ross hasnt gone out with Rachel in five years!
(They both continue on and Ross meows like a cat.)
Ross: Monica, uh Dad called this morning and ah, Aunt Silvia passed away.
Ross: I'm fine! Hey, I'm great! I'm just.. I'm just proud of us. There's no weirdness, no tension.
ROSS: Nuh, uh, the moment's gone.
Joey, Rachel, and Ross: Hey!
Ross: The volcano?
Ross: Huh? Oh-oh, it was fine. Uh, it was just a misunderstanding. She didnt want me to go with her. She just wanted to let me know that shes going to Florida for spring vacation.
Bonnie: (kisses Ross) Dont be too long.
ROSS: No no, you're uh, you're my lobster. See um, lobsters, uhh, in the tank when, when they're old, uhh, they get with, uhh, they walk around holding the claws. In the tank, ya know, with, with the holding and. . . Uhh, Phoebs you wanna help me out with the, the whole lobster thing?
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is working on his laptop when Rachel enters with Emma.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is looking out the window.]
Ross: No!
Ross: So why dont you quit?
Ross: Who is Maria?
Ross: Oh, it looks like mom and dads house. Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is Oh my God!!
(Ross wears the jackets and look at himself in the mirror)
Joey: Relax Ross, we'll be ready. It only takes us two minutes to get dressed.
Ross: Then how do you explain the toe ring?!
Ross: Anyway, one thing lead to another, and... oh... before you know it, we were kissing. I mean, how angry do you think Joey is gonna be?
Ross: Good! Thats good!
Ross: You dont have to shout everything.
Ross: Me? No.
ROSS: No see now, now I can't because uh, I'm feeling too self conscious.
Ross: Whoa-oh, okay! Yeah, why am I telling you that?
Ross: Erica, those things aren't free. In fact they have one of the highest mark-ups of any consumer product...
(Chandler and Ross enter)
Ross: Its heads. (The guys celebrate.) Gentlemen, pick your category.
Ross: And thats funny, why?
Ross: And so now you guys are gonna be married?
Ross: Look, they must be stopped!
Ross: Yeah, right! What was last time he met a submission deadline for an abstract (he and Charlie laugh, then Joey starts laughing too without any reason) Well, why are you laughing?
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is coming out to talk to Rachel.]
Ross: Hello.
Ross: No-no.
Ross: Yeah, its the Ultimate Fighting Combo. Yeah, I saved thirty cents, plus I get to keep the cup. Yay!!
Joey: Of course you do! I saved him! You're mad at me! It all adds up! You want Ross out of the picture.
Ross: Ah no. I dont, but it could not have been more than sixty.
ROSS: Here you go, you can pay me back whenever you like.
Ross: Oh yknow, I stillI cant believe it. Joey and Rachel I mean its Its like you and me going out, only weirder!
Ross: Ooh. What is the name of Chandlers fathers Las Vegas all-male burlesque?
Ross: Okay, quick and painful. (Starts to cork the wine)
Ross: (on the phone) Hello? (Listens.) No she cant come to the phone right now. (Listens.) Oh, right no problem. Okay, bye-bye. (Hangs up.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the next morning. Chandler, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are there.]
Ross: Thirty seconds, all the questions you can answer.
(Ross glares at Chandler.)
Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...
Ross: Oh waithold it! But then I started thinking and I stopped the kissing.
Chandler: Thank you, Ross.
Ross: (to Rachel) I was just leaving.
Ross: Oh.
Ross: Except we're not. I mean, we haven't been a couple in like, six years. Oh my god, is that right? Has it been that long?
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Ross: Oke-dokey. (He pokes her in the eye with the brush.)
Ross: 150 dollars.
Ross: Hi!
Ross: Monica knows.
Ross: Wow! You-you look great!
Ross: What?
Ross: 200 dollars.
Ross: No Joey! Look why dont, why dont we just let her decide? Okay? Hey-hey, well each go out with her one more time. And-and well see who she likes best.
(Ross proceeds to apply copious amounts of the lotion on his legs. He literally starts spraying the back of his legs with the lotion, and as he applies some to his butt he makes a happy face like he enjoyed that sensation. After using about half the bottle he again tries to pull up his pants, but at the first sign of resistance, his hand slips off of the pants and hits him in the forehead.)
Rachel: (on tape) (Ross hands her a glass of wine) I cannot believe that I did this. Especially after Monica just went on and on and on about it! (Mimicking Monica) "Okay Rachel! Here are the invitations Rachel! Now be very careful Rachel! Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations Rachel!" (She tilts her wine glass above and moves it back and forth across the invitations) Whoa oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh oh-oh-oh
Ross: I-I-I...
Ross: Excuse me.
Rachel: Ross youre not listening to me, I dont have time to stop.
Ross: Pheebs, what are you doing?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross has just finished putting Ben to sleep, and is entering from Rachels room.]
[Cut to Ross at the kiddie table. He reaches for something and a fart noise emanates which causes the kids to laugh.]
Ross: Are you serious?
Ross: No, I ah, I slept with someone else.
ROSS: Go over there and tell that woman the truth.
Ross: I dunno, maybe its because youre really sarcastic. Or maybe its cause you uh-
ROSS: I know, I know, it's, it's almost...[turns around, sees Chandler and Joey] What do you say we go take a walk, just us, not them?
Ross and Bonnie: Us too.
Ross: Oh yeahNoYoure welcome. Well talk about it later.
Ross: Well, for one thing, she keeps calling her Ella! Rachel: (Defends Amy) Wha.. well, Ella's a nice name!
(Ross finally looks at the woman kissing Mark.)
(Ross starts laughing)
Ross: Fine.
Ross: I know!
Ross: Ive said it! Okay?! But its over Joey!
Chandler: (Angrily) Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! (Ross and Joey laugh silently.) Its been six months! Its not funny!
ROSS: Fine, OK! Heat, heat, heat, and I'm the obsessive one. [goes to the radiator and starts turning the knob] OK, this way is on, so this is. . . [breaks off the knob] off.
Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!
[Monica picks up the bag, while Ross closes the door and hits Monica with his tail. They walk into the living room, and Monica empties the bag.]
[cut to later, Rosss team has the ball.]
Ross: Yeah. (closes the door, and goes over and kisses Rachel.)
Ross: Did you get like a fresh batch of pregnancy hormones today?!
Monica: Well, you guys have been friends forever. Remember the first time that you kissed Ross? How weird that was? You couldn't stop laughing? You got through that.
Ross: Mitzi is.....
Ross: Oh, yeah, why not?
Ross: Did homo-erectus hunt with wooden tools?
Chandler: Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Clunkers. Yknow, for you, and (Clears his throat) I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed. I couldn't find him, and I am so, so, so, sorry. But I do know where we could all go ease the pain. (Points up and then over to the street)
Ross: You guys, you know what, you know what, it doesn't matter, because you both have to go get dressed before the big vain in my head pops. So..
Cailin: (to Ross) Hi! Remember me?
Ross: Its like that everywhere, Joey! Okay, Mon, back me up here. Where you work the uh, waiters eat with the waiters, right? And the chefs eat with the other chefs, right?