words in movies
Aired: 12/12/2002 Written by: Doty Abrams Directed by: Kevin S. Bright Transcribed by: Stephan Hoffmeister
Rachel: (Reading from a tag that's attached to the shoe) "Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch? P.S.: Chandler, I knew they'd break you."
Joey: Thats ridiculous! Im not a "Star," just a regular famous actor.
Phoebe: Well maybe you dont talk about your feelings back then. Maybe you just say something about yknow all the things that hes taught you. Like (They all try to think about one example and dont succeed.) Or all the things you taught him.
Joey: (looking out the window) Ewww! Ugly Naked Guy is using his new hammock. Its like a Play-Doo Fat Factory.
TV Announcer: Pete Becker is circling the ring now. It looks like, hes just trying to feel him out. Oh, Bruiser is just...
(She goes out into the hall and when shes there and the door is closed; she rips off her robe to reveal her work clothes.)
Monica: Thats right! Maybe its time you took a good hard look at a mirror young lady old lady lady!
Joey: Rachel, there you are! Come on, lets serve that dessert already!
Rachel: Well yknow what they say, the 23rd times the charm. (Chandler enters.) Aww, look at you all handsome!
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is preparing to slip Joshua the note.]
Richard: No its not too soon, I had lunch at a eleven.
Phoebe: Yes!! Yes! Yes! Yes!! Thats my Dad, thats Frank! Yeah! Im sorry Im getting all flingy.
Rachel: Ohh! Its so nice to meet you. (She goes over and shakes their hands.) Hello.
Ross: (yelling in pain) I know nothing! Mike’s a great guy, it was hypothetical!
Ross: Monica said that did she? (He squeezes Monicas knee really hardly and Monica winces in pain.)
Chandler: No. He.....hes coming out of his shorts.
Chandler: Im only going to pretend Im moving to Yemen, its the only way I can get rid off her.
Phoebe: Well, lets see, its not. Really, like that. Because, you see that was an actual problem, and uh, yours is just like yknow a bunch of yknow high school crap that nobody really gives yknow
Ross: Fine, youre right. Lets ah, lets take a break, (goes to the door) lets cool off, okay, lets get some frozen yoghurt, or something.. (opens the door)
Monica: (telling Chandler the seating arrangement) Okay so this is where the band is. (Points.) And this is where the bar is. (Points) And all these pins have peoples names on them. (She has pins to show the seating at each of the tables.) And Rach, here you are. (Points to Rachels place.)
Ross: Oh my God! Of course, of course. (To the class.) Umm, would you please excuse me for a moment? Umm, do you know each others hometowns? Why dont you (Motions that they should learn everyones hometown.) (To Phoebe) Wh-whats going on?
Mona: Change of plans, I made you a special Valentines dinner! Surprise!
[Scene: Rachels bedroom, Rachel is entering carrying two glasses of wine. She gives one to Phoebe, keeps one, and completely ignores Monica.]
Chandler: (incredulous) I dont know what thats like?! Up until I was 25 I thought the only response to, "I love you," was, "Oh crap!"
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Hold on please. Joey, its your mom. (Hands him the phone.)
[Time Lapse, the babies are finally asleep. Good for Phoebe! The only problem is, Monicas apartment looks like a tornado, a hurricane, a swarm of locusts, fire, brimstone, hail, and giant man-eating, radioactive ants have torn the place apart. Needless to say, its messy enough to cause Monica to die of shock right away. Parents with small children know what Im talking about.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Joey is telling everyone about his impending termination at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Joey: (looks at the ground and at Ross) I dont know Ross! I-I tell you what, lets flip to see who does it, okay? You-you call it in the air, all right?
Monica: Its a dead dog. Thats Chi-Chi; she died when I was in high school.
Joey: (on machine) Hey Ross. Its Joey. Theres a hooker over here and we thought maybe youd know something about it.
Phoebe: Yeah, she clamed she had to go out of town suddenly. Shes avoiding me, she doesnt want to tell me where my Father is. She knows, and she wont tell me.
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Joey and Ross are playing Sony Playstation. Chandler enters.]
Rachel: You know the book says that whenever shes sleeping I should be sleeping so (She gives Monica thumbs and goes to lay down)
Joey: And while were down at the video store, you know what else we could rent? Die Hard! (Chandlers excited.) Oh, yknow what? I just remembered, that Everest thing is only available through mail order.
[cut to Joeys bedroom, Joey and Kate are emerging from under the covers.]
Jessica Lockhart: (crying) Oh, my baby! (Hugs Dina, but moves Dinas head to her other shoulder so that shes the only one in the picture.)
Ross: No, its not just cause Im jealous. (Both Monica and Chandler give him a Come on look) I mean Im not, Im not, Im not jealous, okay? Its Look, the guy, he screamed, he actually screamed at this couple sitting in our seats.
[Scene: A restaurant. Joey is on his date with Phoebe’s friend, Sarah. They are sitting opposite each other on a table for two. Their waiter approaches with two plates.]
Monica: Actually there is. Chandler usually helps me with this, but hes really into the game so I dont want to bother him. Could you help me fold these napkins? (Hands her a stack of them.)
Rachel: Oh okay, Ill fix that to. Whats her e-mail address?
Ross: So your dad dropped by. Hes a pleasant man!
Joey: Well if its free food, how come youre charging me for it?
[Scene: A womens self-defense class, the instructor is just finishing a class.]
(Matt grabs his plate and takes some of whats on Rosss plate.)
Joey: Oh, cause you can just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and boom, theres your admirer. (Ross is stunned.)
Joey: (announcer voice) All right! Lets play Bamboozled!
Chandler: But this is eleven. Its almost twice as hard up here.
Joey: Uhh, thats not them. Im gonna go call the police.
Chandler: Oh! Right. Umm, maybe thats because I didnt send him an invitation.
Rachel: Oh, I know, I know, its-its so, its so totally like, "Whoa! Can we do this?" Yknow, I mean, but I mean it just feels right! Dont you think? It does! I mean, it just feels right, dont you think?
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Joey is pacing around as Chandler and Monica enter.]
Phoebe: Im kind, caring, and sweet. Whats Monica like?
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers new apartment, Ross and Chandler are there.]
Joey: Dude, this isnt funny! What am I gonna do?! I go to bed last night, everythings cool! I wake up this morning, the strippers gone and the ring is gone!
Joey: Thats always appropriate! (Back to the matter at hand) Oh, okay. One more push! One more push!
Rachel: I mean its the end of an era!
Joey: No, but its okay. She just came in and gave him a hug, that it.
Monica: No, you�re right. Mnya, we shouldn�t do it like this. Huch. For what it�s worth, I�m, I�m sorry. I shouldn�t have come down on you so hard about the smoking. So you had a few cigarettes, not the end of the world.
Joey: No-no-no-no look no! I wont spit, and I wont stare at Monicas breasts! Yknow? Everyone knows Im an ass man!
Chandler: Who cares? Its a stupid game.
Monica: Yes there is! He's black and white and shaggy and [Cut to Monicas apartment] he's sitting next to Rachel and licking Rachel's hand.
Ross: (noticing something) Actually umm (He turns Mr. Gellers head to look at Emma.)
Jill: Yeah but maybe thats a good thing. Yknow Im doing all these different sorts of things, and maybe I should try dating a geek too!
(Monica throws the ball over Joeys head, its stopped from rolling away by a very beautiful woman.)
Allesandro: Im so excited about having Monica come on board with us. Although I do feel bad about having fired chef Emillio, its like losing a member of the family. Of course, that literally is the case for several of you. Tony, Carlos, Marie, please, tell your father how much were gonna miss him. Now, I know that Monica has a lot of great ideas for this place, well, you all read the review. So without much further ado, I present to you our new head chef.
Rachel: Okay, I think we can get the evaluation back before they see it, but were gonna have to get into Mr. Zelners office. Now, he doesnt get in until 10, so hes no problem, but his assistant, Betty, she comes in early to eat her breakfast at her desk.
Janices Voice: (singing) Youre look for laughable (She does the now patented Janice laugh.)
Helena: Im not very fond of New York. Queens I like. (Noticing Monicas ring.) Ooh, what is this sparkle something! (Shows the audience who woos.) Honey! Huh?
Erin: Look, hes a really great guy and I know that you really want this to work out, but I just dont see this having a future.
Chandler: Oh Joeys got a really bad hernia, but thats nothing a little laser eye surgery wont fix!
Phoebe: Oh yeahNo, she was really nice to me, but shes in hell for sure.
Joey: All right, thats it. Y'know I was still gonna let you have her. But now, forget about it. Prepare to feel very bad about yourself.
Monica: Hes got something plastic lodged in his throat, weve got to go to the hospital.
Joey: Hey! Its your bachelor party.
[Scene: Rachels outer office, shes returning with two coffee cups in hand to find Tag sitting there.]
Monica: Yes! We found you a really cute and funny guy from Chandlers work!
Monica: I dont know, Ive never had to use the other one. Im just saying yknow, if were having sex, hes not gonna be talking.
[Cut to Chandler opening the door to his and Joeys apartment to reveal Monica standing there with a turkey on her head in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]
(Rachel sticks a marshmallow into Monica’s nose. Monica takes it out of her nose by closing one nostril, and blowing.)
Phoebe: Stating the obvious, but thank you. And its not weird is it.
Ross: No, its really not that bad. I mean, I-I for one, feel perfectly safe.
Rachel: Were not gonna do this, all right? Shes just gonna think that were doin it.
Chandler: Eh, theyre both good. I generally just go with, Monicas drunk again. (Monica glares at him.)
[Scene: Chandlers Office, hes working at his computer as his boss, Mr. Franklin, sticks his head in.]
Ross: Hi. Im uh, Im Ross. I dont, I dont believe weve met. Im Monicas older brother.
Chandler: (watching in her) (in his head) Look at her go! She must love me more than I love her! Whats wrong with me? Ooh, dont open that door.
Ross: N-no! Okay? Weve been through this! Were not gonna get married just because shes pregnant, okay?
[Scene: The Lobby of Chandler and Rachels building, Chandler and Rachel are returning from lunch.]
Rachel: No, everythings fine. I just gotta go back
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Joey are reading Chandlers new vows.]
Ross: Oh sure, come here! (Sits her up) Sure you can! Uh, look come here look, (rolls the machine closer) its-its-its, its right there (Points).
Joey: (looking at the ceiling) Ah, its beautiful.
Phoebe: Hes awfully short and I think hes talking to himself. And to be completely honest, hes not that good in bed.
Phoebe: Yeah! Lets do that!! That-that sounds good. We should sit down and talk, just me, my lover Carol, and the Stings. Umm, how-how will I get in touch with them?
Rachel: Oooohh that’s interesting.
Chandler: Come on, dont be crazy. (To Rachel) You dont think theres someone out there better suited for Monica than me, do ya? (Rachel looks at him.)
Joshua: I invested in this night-club and its opening tonight, would you like to come?
Student: Look, I just saw my best friends brains smeared across the canvas, thats not gonna be me, not me.
Rachel: All right, weve got to tell her hes gone. (Starts to leave.)
Monica: (going up to the ring) Pete! Pete!! That guys pretty huge!
Monica: And Rachel. (Chandler clears his voice loudly) And thats Chandler.