words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, its 0-Dark:30, in other words its really, really early. Everyones asleep, and all through the apartments not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. That is except for the chick, who turns out to be a rooster and is crowing in the sun. Needless to say, this awakens Monica and Rachel who rush into their living room, searching for the cause of the sound.]
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joeys with Monica in trail.)
Joey: Its the chick! Shes going through some changes.
Chandler: Well the vet seems to think thats shes becoming a rooster. (The rooster crows.) Were getting a second opinion.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, its later that morning, everybody has gotten up and Ross and Phoebe has joined them for breakfast. Rachel is returning from shopping.]
Rachel: Well, Ive been up since six. Thanks to somebodys dumb-ass rooster.
Phoebe: All right. Im gonna go to the fertility doctor and um, see if Im ready to have Frank and Alices embryo transferred into my uterus.
Joey: Shes mad because I know todays her laundry day and that means shes wearing her old lady underpants.
Joey: Yeah, whats that about?
Chandler: (to Rachel) And you Ross, I believe, if you check Rachels bag you will find a half-eaten box of cookies in there.
Rachel: No! Theres no orange juice in there! We win!!
Chandler: Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear.)
Chandler: Well, we used theres up last night making scary faces.
Ross: Oh sure, "Ross will do it!" Its not like he has a job, or a child, or a life of his own.
[Scene: The Doctors office, Dr. Zane is examining Phoebe as Frank and Alice watch.]
Frank: Well, okay, so whats nowgo get, go get the eggs, put em in there.
Phoebe: Thats it! 25 percent? That means thats its like 75 percent chance of no baby at all!
Alice: Sweety, now, shes a woman, not a gumball machine.
Phoebe: Whoa!! Thatokay, thats a lot of pressure on me and my uterus. (to Dr. Zane) So, well okay, so is thereis maybe is there something that I can do yknow just to like help make sure I get pregnant?
Rachel: I know! I know, its such a huge, life-altering thing.
Ross: Okay, each team will answer ten questions. The first team that answers the most questions wins. Okay, the categories are, Fears and Pet Peeves, Ancient History, Literature, and Its All Relative. Now, the coin toss to see who goes first. (He flips the coin and they all watch it hit the table and stop. Then they all look up at him, to see who goes first.) Okay, somebody call it this time.
Ross: Its heads. (The guys celebrate.) Gentlemen, pick your category.
Ross: What is Monicas biggest pet peeve?
Ross: Thats correct. Ladies?
Joey: Its All Relative.
Ross: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joeys apartment. What name appears on the address label?
Rachel: Chandler gets it! Its Chandler Bing!
Chandler: Actually, its Miss Chinandolor Bong.
[Scene: The Doctors office, Phoebe is giving a pep talk to the petrie dish containing the embryos.]
Phoebe: Hello, tiny embryos. Well, Im-Im Phoebe Buffay, hi! Im-Im-Im hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know, that were doing this for Frank and Alice, who you know, youve been there! Umm, yknow they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on. Okay, and-and I promise that Ill keep you safe and warm until youre ready to have them take you home, so Oh! And also, umm next time you see me, Im screaming, dont worry, thats whats supposed to happen.
Rachel: (shouting) Its All Relative!!
Ross: Ooh. What is the name of Chandlers fathers Las Vegas all-male burlesque?
Rachel: Okay, so lets play for some pepper! Stop spending my money!
Rachel: Oooohh thats interesting.
Joey: Hey, no way, that roosters family!
Rachel: All right, lets do it.
Ross: You have 30 seconds. And the lightning round beginsstop it (Chandler stops jumping)now. What was Monicas nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Joey: Weekend at Bernies.
Chandler: Oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear and then in Rosss ear.)
Ross: 11, unbelievable 11 is correct. (The guys celebrate.) All right, thats 4 for the guys. Ladies, youre up.
Ross: 30 seconds on the clock. 5 questions wins the game. The lightning round begins now! What is Joeys favorite food?
Ross: Correct. Chandler was how old when he first touched a girls breast?
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bings job?
Monica: Its umm, it has something to do with transponding.
Rachel: Oh-oh-oh, hes a transponcetranspondster!
Monica: Thats not even a word! I can get this! I can get this!
Joey: I call Monicas room!
Chandler: You cant just call Monicas room.
(Chandler grunts and turns around, sees that hes in sight of the room, and mouths damn!)
Chandler: Oh, I would never bet this apartment. Its too nice.
Phoebe: Well, freaked. Cause it turns out that the odds are really sucky. And! This is Frank and Alices like only shot. Like, they are literally putting all of their eggs in my basket.
Phoebe: Well the doctor says it takes a couple days, but my bodys always been a little faster than Western medicine.
Rachel: (entering from Chandlers bedroom, I guess, and sees the foosball table.) Oh my God! I cant believe you guys are actually think youre moving in here!
Joey: You cant just ignore the bet! Its a bet! You bet and you bet and if you lose, you lose the bet!
Monica: All right, look, I hate this as much as you, but if it makes you feel better, its all your fault.
Monica: Its only been a couple of hours, so just give it some time.
[Cut too later, the moving process is progressing steadily. Monica is trying to lift a heavy box, as Rachel comes in from Chandlers bedroom.]
Rachel: No! Put that box down! We are not going anywhere! This is my apartment and I like it! This is a girls apartment! That is a boys apartment, its dirty and it smells. This is pretty. Its-its so pretty! And look, and its-its purple! And Im telling you, you with the steady hand, I am not moving, and now I have got the steady hand. (She holds out her hand, which is shaking uncontrollably.)
Rachel: Thats right! You do what the hand says!
(Theres a knock on the door and Monica answers it.)
Frank: Umm, its a lollipop and a uh, a home pregnancy test.
Alice: So umm, you feel like taking a test? Theres only one question.
Phoebe: All right, I will. No, I will. But umm, yknow just remember that its still really early, okay so, if it says that Im not pregnant, that doesnt mean that Im not gonna get pregnant, okay and, and just please, just so I dont go completely nuts, just try not put all your hopes on this.
Rachel: No its not!
Frank: MY SISTERS GONNA HAVE MY BABY!!!!!!!
(She opens a door and they both scream at horror at whats inside of it.)
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, Monica is picking through her ruined childhood heirlooms with Ross.]
Joey: But hey, listen just so you know, you might have youre work cut out for you. Cause when I talked to her, I kinda got the feeling that shes into some other guy. So
Ross: I just, I hate this so much! I mean, every time I go pick her up at the airport, its-its so great. But at the same time Im thinking, "Well, Im gonna be right back there in a couple of days, dropping her off."
Ross: Oh my God its just like I dreamed it!
Monica: What-whats going on?
Joey: Thats Fergie baby!!
Chandler: Yeah, Im putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then thats what were gonna do.
Joey: (running and banging on Chandlers door) The stripper stole the ring!! The stripper stole the ring!! Chandler! Chandler, get up! Get up! The stripper stole the ring!
Chandler: So I was right. This is what it feels like to be right. (Pause) Its oddly unsettling.
Rachel: (looking up at the ceiling) God, Monica its on the ceiling.
Paul: Ross, look, I know Ive been giving you a lot of jabs and its partly because Im very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) youre not (pause) all bad.
Ross: Yeah, thats okay, I mean if you guys all have to go away for the first weekend Im alone by myself, y'know then I totally, totally understand.
Phoebe: Or maybe he-he was writing to tell her that-that hes changed his name, yknow? Tell Monica Im sorry.
Monica: I mean this has been like my dream since I got my first Easy Bake Oven and opened Easy Monicas Bakery. I mean I would kill for this job. I mean I can totally do this job, and God knows I paid my dues. (She removes her fake breasts) But Petes just doing this because he has a crush on me.
Monica: (laughs) Thats right. My Mom doesnt have any faith in me! Oh, thats hilarious! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Issac: Chloe, switch with me, theres some guys here that got a crush on you.
Chandler: No, no. It-its not about the swearing, its more about ah, the way, that you ah, occasionally, concentrate, your enthusiasm on my buttock.
The Cooking Teacher: (To Monica) Oh! Something smells good over at Monicas station! (She tries Monicas fettuccini.) Oh my God! This is absolutely amazing! Youve never made this before?
Waiter: I dont know. I think maybe one of them is dying. (Pause) I kinda hope its the girl. (The other waiter is shocked.) The guy is really cute!
[Scene: Ross and Emilys room, Chandler and Monica are still looking for a place to do the deed.]
Ross: So are you sure about this whole moving in thing?! I mean its a really big step! And-and whats the rush?!
Monica: Thats very funny!
Rachel: Hi! Oh, Ross, dont forget, we have that doctors appointment tomorrow!
Carol: Whats not funny?
Parker: And Im with you! What a great time to be alive! Look at this plate-bouncy thing. (Bounces the plates) What an inspired solution to mans plate dispensing problems.
Phoebe: And the big ones for me!
Phoebe: Yeah, Ive discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh womens names are interchangeable, through-through no fault of his own.
The Director: Hey Joey, were ready for ya! (Joey stumbles over) Joey, this is Alex hes going to be playing your son.
Rachel: Oh no-no-no dont say but! No-no, buts never good! Lets just leave it at, you like me and I like you.
Ross: Dad dad, please! As I was saying umm, Im Dr. Ross Geller. Uhh, and Im the best man. And uh, this marriage is doubly special for me umm, because not only is the groom my best friend but uh, the bride is my little sister. And, shes the greatest sister a guy could ask for. So if youd all please join me in raising a glass to the, the couple were here to celebrate. (Everyone does so.) To the Bings.
Rachel: Yes! Yes! I got half a mind to contract that doctors uterus though. Mild discomfort, whats he talking about?
Monica: How do I tell Chandler that its too soon. Its gonna break his heart, hes not gonna think that I dont love him anymore.
[Cut to Joey and Janines.]
Rachel: Its me! Good morning!
Carol: Ooh, yeah! She said shes having sooo much fun with Emily.
Rachel: Hey-hey-hey thats funny! Your funny Chandler! Your a funny guy! You wanna know what else is really funny?!
Rachel: So were okay, were okay, were okay, (starts to exam Ben) arent we? No, were not okay, were not okay, theres a bump, theres a bump.
Joey: Shes a woman!
Phoebe: No, no maybe cause its harder to raise them, and the added expense, and
Rachel: Oh my god. Ok you guys, theres Danny. Watch. Just watch this. (He walks past the couch to the counter.) See?! Still pretending hes not interested. Ohh, hes coming over. Just pretend like we dont know him. Weve forgotten who he is.
Phoebe: Theres a reset button?! Ugh, thank you! Thank you! (He exits and she goes to shut it off.) Theres a reset button! My God! Why didnt I see that! (She takes off the plastic cover and looks for the button.) Reset button, reset button, where is there a reset button? (Finds it.) Oh here it is! (Picks it up off of the floor.) Oh! (She presses it hard, but of course it would help if the button was still attached to the detector. In frustration she presses it so hard it causes pain in her thumb.) Ohh, God!
Rachel: Nodded off!! Ross you were snoring. My fathers boat didnt make that much noise when it hit rocks!
Phoebe: Okay but thats why you have to buy it, so it can fulfil its Christmas destiny, otherwise there gonna throw it into the chipper. Tell him, Joey
Tour Guide: Thats just the way it is.
Vince: Phoebe, Phoebe relax, its okay. I mean we never said this was exclusive.
Chandler: Yeah, thats kinda a relief.
[Scene: Rosss classroom, he has just finished his lecture and the students are filing out.]
Rachel: Well yknow I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, "Whats up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?"
Joey: Aww thats nice. Family should be there, huh? This is her wedding, happiest day of her life.
Ross: Believe me, if I did see with someone, there’s no way I... (Phoebe starts pinching him again)
The Acting Teacher: All right, lets start with some basics. Can anybody tell me what the difference between upstage and downstage is?
Chandler: (to Ross) Dont try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) Im your only chance to have a baby. Okay, lets go.
Joey: Yeah, thats what I was afraid of.. Okay, uhh Look Janine I really want you to feel at home here, but some of this new stuff. Its too girly.
Chandler: Hes being silly, because he knows that we enjoy the silliness!
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Monica: This is where I thought the barca lounger could go! You see you could see the TV and its still walking distance to the kitchen.
Chandler: Op, y'know what though, its kindve a girlie briefcase.
Ross: Thats all Im askin
Ross: (putting out the fire with a squeeze bottle of water) Okay, thats a fire. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Ross: Actually its more like this. (Pushes her hands to less than an inch apart.)
Phoebe: Y'know what, forget it. Its ruined.
Chandler: (not quite sure where Joeys going and is a little worried) Okay
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Rachel: Oh, thats veryReally very-very okay.
Chandler: No-o-o! (To Monica) No? (She nods no.) No-o-o! Look Joey, heres the thing, Monica and I have decided to live together, here. So, Im gonna be moving out man.
Chandler: No. When it comes to sweets, hes surprisingly strict.
Joey: Anyway, it wasnt the robot, it was the guy who controls him. Yeah, he doesnt like me. He had C.H.E.E.S.E. knock over the sandwich right when I was reaching for one! Ohh!
Joshua: Okay, thats-thats not funny. Uhh.
Dr. Long: Shes gonna be fine. Okay, shes in a more difficult position so youre gonna have to push even harder now. Go! Push!
Chandler: Oh my God! Someones killed Square Man!
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
Chandler: Well, I got a job interview. Its kinda a big deal too. Its a lot more money and Id be doing data reconfiguration and statistical factoring.
Joey: Why dont you ask Chandler, cause hes the one that fooled around with her. She told me you said you could really fall for her. Now is that true? Or are you just gettin over Janice by groping my sister.
Ross: Joeys asking if youve just ruined the first book hes ever loved that didnt star Jack Nicholson?
[Cut to Monicas restaurant kitchen, its the episode where Joey is working as a waiter at Monicas restaurant. Joey is patting her breast from when she set it on fire.]
Kate: Well, Adrians looking for a reason to stay, right? Victor cant just kiss her, hes gotta, gotta really give her a reason, y'know?
Joey: Will you calm down, hes just a human guy.
Phoebe: What are you guys talking about, I loved it! It was soo moving. Oh, plus its just, its so different from the stuff you usually hear.
Pete: Oh no, not the thing. I hate the thing. Whats the thing?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at a table and Phoebe is on the couch. Chandler and Monica can be seen outside, shes lecturing him, and pushes him inside. He then nods to Rachel, and is obviously counting off the seconds in his head and then Monica makes a grand enterance.]
Ross: Yeah. Theres no breaking them up, is there?
Chandler: I hope you know what Im giving up for ya, because shes not just the boss in your office, if you know what I mean.
C.H.E.E.S.E.: The shipment never made it through Omaha?
Ross: Its not a big deal? Oh, Im sorry I just um, I what about all the stuff you-you just said? I mean how about, I likeyou-you cant stop thinking about her. Like how you cant sleep?
Monica: Joey hes not even thinking about going after Rachel!
Ross: Great! Uh, let me take this up for you. (The box hes holding.)
Joey: No, no, no! Its real! And it has been since 1998. (Rachel returns from the bathroom.) Hey Rach! Rach! Im up for a Soapie!
Joshua: Oh yeah, yeah uh, its down the hall and uh, second door to your left.
Monica: No. Hes not a horrible guy.
Joey: Well, there is one way. His windows open, I say, we poke him.
Joey: In the woods. No wait-wait, thats the joke answer.
Janice: On no! No! Its not good-bye, Im not leaving until you get on that plane.
Joey: Oh, uh, again. Can I make a special request: Can you bring everything as soon as it�s ready? Appetizers, entrees, we don�t care.
Joey: Because, I know what I like and what I dont like! Its not the same thing!
Rachel: Hi! All right, lets go shoppin!!
Joey: OK, listen Ive been on sets before, so let me give you a little advice, alright? Its a show, but were just dancing, OK? Its no big deal. The important thing to remember stay cool.
Monica: Hi Amanda! Actually now... it’s... is not a good time. Dinner tomorrow night? (Phoebe mouths 'no') Ok, Phoebe and I will see you then!
(Stryker enters, only its not Joey playing him.)
Rachel: Oh yeah! Of course, I mean, shes gonna get over this, yknow? I mean, so you said my name! Yknow you just said it cause you saw me there, if youd have seen a circus freak, you wouldve said, "I take thee circus freak." Yknow, it didnt mean anything, its just a mistake. It didnt mean anything. Right?
Joey: Okay, its an audio question, name this television theme song. (Starts humming the theme to I Dream of Genie.)