words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, its 0-Dark:30, in other words its really, really early. Everyones asleep, and all through the apartments not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. That is except for the chick, who turns out to be a rooster and is crowing in the sun. Needless to say, this awakens Monica and Rachel who rush into their living room, searching for the cause of the sound.]
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joeys with Monica in trail.)
Joey: Its the chick! Shes going through some changes.
Chandler: Well the vet seems to think thats shes becoming a rooster. (The rooster crows.) Were getting a second opinion.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, its later that morning, everybody has gotten up and Ross and Phoebe has joined them for breakfast. Rachel is returning from shopping.]
Rachel: Well, Ive been up since six. Thanks to somebodys dumb-ass rooster.
Phoebe: All right. Im gonna go to the fertility doctor and um, see if Im ready to have Frank and Alices embryo transferred into my uterus.
Joey: Shes mad because I know todays her laundry day and that means shes wearing her old lady underpants.
Joey: Yeah, whats that about?
Chandler: (to Rachel) And you Ross, I believe, if you check Rachels bag you will find a half-eaten box of cookies in there.
Rachel: No! Theres no orange juice in there! We win!!
Chandler: Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear.)
Chandler: Well, we used theres up last night making scary faces.
Ross: Oh sure, "Ross will do it!" Its not like he has a job, or a child, or a life of his own.
[Scene: The Doctors office, Dr. Zane is examining Phoebe as Frank and Alice watch.]
Frank: Well, okay, so whats nowgo get, go get the eggs, put em in there.
Phoebe: Thats it! 25 percent? That means thats its like 75 percent chance of no baby at all!
Alice: Sweety, now, shes a woman, not a gumball machine.
Phoebe: Whoa!! Thatokay, thats a lot of pressure on me and my uterus. (to Dr. Zane) So, well okay, so is thereis maybe is there something that I can do yknow just to like help make sure I get pregnant?
Rachel: I know! I know, its such a huge, life-altering thing.
Ross: Okay, each team will answer ten questions. The first team that answers the most questions wins. Okay, the categories are, Fears and Pet Peeves, Ancient History, Literature, and Its All Relative. Now, the coin toss to see who goes first. (He flips the coin and they all watch it hit the table and stop. Then they all look up at him, to see who goes first.) Okay, somebody call it this time.
Ross: Its heads. (The guys celebrate.) Gentlemen, pick your category.
Ross: What is Monicas biggest pet peeve?
Ross: Thats correct. Ladies?
Joey: Its All Relative.
Ross: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joeys apartment. What name appears on the address label?
Rachel: Chandler gets it! Its Chandler Bing!
Chandler: Actually, its Miss Chinandolor Bong.
[Scene: The Doctors office, Phoebe is giving a pep talk to the petrie dish containing the embryos.]
Phoebe: Hello, tiny embryos. Well, Im-Im Phoebe Buffay, hi! Im-Im-Im hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know, that were doing this for Frank and Alice, who you know, youve been there! Umm, yknow they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on. Okay, and-and I promise that Ill keep you safe and warm until youre ready to have them take you home, so Oh! And also, umm next time you see me, Im screaming, dont worry, thats whats supposed to happen.
Rachel: (shouting) Its All Relative!!
Ross: Ooh. What is the name of Chandlers fathers Las Vegas all-male burlesque?
Rachel: Okay, so lets play for some pepper! Stop spending my money!
Rachel: Oooohh thats interesting.
Joey: Hey, no way, that roosters family!
Rachel: All right, lets do it.
Ross: You have 30 seconds. And the lightning round beginsstop it (Chandler stops jumping)now. What was Monicas nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Joey: Weekend at Bernies.
Chandler: Oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear and then in Rosss ear.)
Ross: 11, unbelievable 11 is correct. (The guys celebrate.) All right, thats 4 for the guys. Ladies, youre up.
Ross: 30 seconds on the clock. 5 questions wins the game. The lightning round begins now! What is Joeys favorite food?
Ross: Correct. Chandler was how old when he first touched a girls breast?
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bings job?
Monica: Its umm, it has something to do with transponding.
Rachel: Oh-oh-oh, hes a transponcetranspondster!
Monica: Thats not even a word! I can get this! I can get this!
Joey: I call Monicas room!
Chandler: You cant just call Monicas room.
(Chandler grunts and turns around, sees that hes in sight of the room, and mouths damn!)
Chandler: Oh, I would never bet this apartment. Its too nice.
Phoebe: Well, freaked. Cause it turns out that the odds are really sucky. And! This is Frank and Alices like only shot. Like, they are literally putting all of their eggs in my basket.
Phoebe: Well the doctor says it takes a couple days, but my bodys always been a little faster than Western medicine.
Rachel: (entering from Chandlers bedroom, I guess, and sees the foosball table.) Oh my God! I cant believe you guys are actually think youre moving in here!
Joey: You cant just ignore the bet! Its a bet! You bet and you bet and if you lose, you lose the bet!
Monica: All right, look, I hate this as much as you, but if it makes you feel better, its all your fault.
Monica: Its only been a couple of hours, so just give it some time.
[Cut too later, the moving process is progressing steadily. Monica is trying to lift a heavy box, as Rachel comes in from Chandlers bedroom.]
Rachel: No! Put that box down! We are not going anywhere! This is my apartment and I like it! This is a girls apartment! That is a boys apartment, its dirty and it smells. This is pretty. Its-its so pretty! And look, and its-its purple! And Im telling you, you with the steady hand, I am not moving, and now I have got the steady hand. (She holds out her hand, which is shaking uncontrollably.)
Rachel: Thats right! You do what the hand says!
(Theres a knock on the door and Monica answers it.)
Frank: Umm, its a lollipop and a uh, a home pregnancy test.
Alice: So umm, you feel like taking a test? Theres only one question.
Phoebe: All right, I will. No, I will. But umm, yknow just remember that its still really early, okay so, if it says that Im not pregnant, that doesnt mean that Im not gonna get pregnant, okay and, and just please, just so I dont go completely nuts, just try not put all your hopes on this.
Rachel: No its not!
Frank: MY SISTERS GONNA HAVE MY BABY!!!!!!!
(She opens a door and they both scream at horror at whats inside of it.)
Phoebe: All right, me too. (They go into her room and see that shes sleeping.) Should we wake her up?
(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shops signa large steaming cup of coffee.)
[Scene: Rosss Apartment, Rachel is entering and Ross is making some room on the shelves for his stuff.]
Chandler: I think thats the youngest girl ever to reject me.
Richards Date: Yeah, but I didnt get to see it.
Phoebe: Well lets just say its shes lucky she has a sweet ass, cause shes not so good at the writing.
Monica: That’s crazy! (Phoebe looks bewildered). I am sorry. I just can’t imagine giving up my one wedding day like that!
Chandler: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! (To his girlfriend) And you are about to marry a wonderful man! (She stunned and hes horrified.) Hey! Im marrying a dead woman!
[Scene: Rosss Hotel Room, he is letting Chandler in.]
Rachel: Well, uhm... whatever, I have really appreciated it, 'cause I don’t think I would be the person that I am today if it wasn’t for you guys. See, I wanna help Amy the way you guys helped me. And I know it’s gonna take patience, but that’s ok.
Rachel: December 26th, huh maybe shes Santa Clause.
Pete: Y'know I have a torn rotator cuff, a hairline fracture in my right forearm, and a severely bruised Adams Apple, but that really hurt.
Monica: I cant believe it! Shes asleep! I got her to go to sleep! I have actual magical powers!
Ross: No! No! Im not! Its-its-its perfect! I mean its better than you just-just moving here, cause its us together forever, and thats-thats what I want.
Joey: No-no-no-no, hes not! No! Why are you trying to ruin the game? Come on!
Monica: Which we are, and-and we already paid for it. Its My Giant!
Pete: One meal! Thats all Im asking for. Please? We go out, we eat, and if you dont have a good time, I give you ten grand, we call it even.
Rachel: Yeah but how do I start? I mean, whats-whats the first thing that I say? (They all pause to think.) Okay great! Thanks. (She starts to leave.)
Monica: (sits next to him) Phoebe, its okay that you dont want me to be your girlfriend because I have the best boyfriend.
Ross: My God, the babys kicking. Thats great. Although I kinda wish I-I wouldve been there to feel the kicking for the first time yknow.
(Monica goes into Rachels room.)
Woman Giving Birth: (yelling from the hallway) Its coming! Its coming!
Phoebe: Oh my God! No! Shoo! Kitty! No! No-no-no! Shoo! Come on, you! (goes over and picks up the cat) Come on. Crazy. (looks into the cats eyes) Oh my God.
Joey: Look, its not about her. Okay? But seeing you two together just reminds me of what you did. And I dont want to live with some one who doesnt know what it is to be a friend. So, Ill see ya. (He starts to leave, but Chandler grabs his bag and stops him.)
Ross: Okay look, theres nothing to worry about. We have plenty of time. Theres a great baby furniture store on west 10th. Tomorrow, we will go there and we will get you everything that you need. Okay?
Rachel: I know. I know. Oh God. (Looking around) Theres no tissue! Can you grab me some toilet paper?
Monica: (looking at Rachels jeans) Where did you get those jeans?!
[Scene: Rachels Office, Tag is entering.]
Rachel: Yeah, Stevies an old family friend. (Hits Rosss chest)
Monica: Heres your key (Gets him one.)
[Scene: Stings Apartment, Phoebe has come to talk about Jack and is waiting for Stings wife, Trudie Styler, to enter.]
David: I mean, theres a statue in Minsk
Nurse: Its all right honey, it takes some babies a while to get it, but dont worry. Itll happen.
Chandler: Then we will sprinkle rose pedals on the bed and make love. Not just because its romantic, but because I can!
[Scene: Rachels old room. Its pretty much empty except for a few boxes against the walls. Ross and Chandler enter.]
[Scene: Rachels Outer Office, Tag is sitting at his desk as Rachel walks up. She stops and watches him pick up the phone.]
Rachel: She is so good at throwing drinks in peoples faces, I mean I dont think Ive ever seen her finish a beverage.
Rachel: Okay, well then how about puberty! Come on, thats always a painful time! Yknow your friends invite you to a slumber party and then they stick your hand in warm water while youre sleeping so that you pee in your sleeping bag.
Chandler: Are those my wife�s nipples?
Rachel: Okay. Hang up! Thats it! Come on!
Joey: Well, why dont you tell me what youre supposed to be! Huh? Because I sure as hell cant figure it out! I talk to you and its nothin. You look at me, and nothin. (He kisses her, more passionately this time) Nothing.
Phoebe: YOU’RE SO GENEROUS AND KIND AND (crowd stops cheering) YOU'RE AMAZING IN BED (everyone hears it and stare at them.) (to everybody) IT’S OUR ANNIVERSARY!
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi! Yeah, Im calling on behalf of Monica Gellers eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. (Listens) (to Monica) Hes out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
Morse: You see, thats why I did so bad on this test. Im having a hard time concentrating. When youre up there (Points to the podium) and youre teaching and your face gets all serious you look so good. (In a sexy voice) You wear that tight little turtleneck sweater
Phoebe: Yeah. And believe me, this suit does not do justice to whats underneath it.
Joeys Sister: Finally, I thought wed never be alone. Can I just tell you something, I have not stopped thinking about you since the party. (kisses him)
Ross: So, do we really have to ask whos going up on the platform next?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is holding a football helmet; and apparently, in a rather disgusting scene, Joey wants Phoebe to beat him senseless. (Luckily it isnt a long trip.) Because hes made a miraculous recovery from his hernia and wants to take advantage of all those free surgeries he can get now since hes re-established his health insurance.]
Monica: Its a humdinger!
Ross: Actually this looks like pretty good! Yeah!(he turns and watches his back and there’s a sign on the back of the jacket, “boys will be boys”) Boys will be boys?
[Cut to Chandler and Joeys, Joey and Phoebe are watching TV. The TV is turning off and on, and each time Phoebe is blinking her eyes like the Genie did. The switch obviously controls the outlet which the TV is plugged into.]
Ross: Look this is starting to look really bad for me. Okay? Mona, Monas standing right over there. (Looks behind him.) Oh God, shes talking to Joey! You gotta let me win!
Cecilia: Youre not the fan whos dying are you?
Monica: Hey, its Phoebe and Rachel. Um, why dont you tell them what you were telling me earlier about me not being high maintenance?
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you dont like the guy Rachels dating? Well, thats odd.
[Scene: Rachels office, shes there as Tag knocks on the door and enters carrying a plant.]
Joey: Its pretty, Okay date of birth?
[Scene: The corridor. Amy knocks Joey’s door and Rachel opens the door.]
Pete: Its time for me to conquer the physical world.
Chandler: Okay now it doesnt matter which one you choose, yknow? Its completely up to you. Our guy is perfect, or you can go out with the guy Phoebe deemed not good enough to go out with herself.
[This starts another series of flashbacks about Joeys hobbies. The first one is from Episode 703: The One With Phoebes Cookies, Rachel is teaching Joey how to sail his boat, the Mr. Bowmont.]
Joey: I dont know. Its-its just lately, Ive been feeling Okay, heres what it is (Pause) You know what? I feel a lot better, thanks! (Starts to leave)
Phoebe: No, yeah, we never find them! Shes always best at us that wily minx.
Joey: Hey, whats up? (He has solved the problem of eating the steak, hes eating it with his hands.)
Ross: Laugh it up, but the jokes on you. Because we dont need to get divorced, okay? We were just gonna get an annulment.
Ross: No! No its not. Joey, this is a smart idea.
Joey: So I uh, I just talked to the director. Thats it, were done for the day.
Mrs. Geller: (whispers to Jack a little loudly) I think hes stoned again.
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
Joey: Yeah-yeah right. Thats okay. Thats fine. Thats uh, pretty much what I was expecting. So uh, its no big deal. All right? I think Im gonna go. (Stands up.)
Phoebe: Oh, its incredible! I so want to be a Waxine girl.
Chandler: Oh its been going on way to long now. Yknow, I mean the first time he said it we were just passing each other in the hallway, so I didnt say anything. And then the next time he said, "Hey Toby, do you want a donut?" And I-I wanted a donut. And now its five years later, the donuts gone and Im still Toby.
Ross: Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldnt be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monicas older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass! (Chandler laughs.) What? Im-Im-Im serious! (Chandler laughs harder.) ComeHey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? Im-Im not kidding here!
Monica: Okay. Phoebe thats it. Come on, get outout of the chair. Get out! (She goes to move Phoebe, but Phoebe goes limp and Monica cant move her.) Oh come Phoebe!
Chandler: We share a wall! So either hes great in bed, or she just likes to agree with him a lot.
Phoebe: Well, yknow Im wearing layers and its warm.
Phoebe: Thats nice. I like having things to read in the bathroom.
Phoebe: You think hes emotionally unavailable?
Chandler: Look, shes really nice. Okay? And she mentioned that she adored the way that you arranged the sponges.
Joey: (to Kate) That guys like a cartoon. What do you see in him anyway?
Ross: Well I, thats the thing, I dont know! I mean, whenever I brought it up with her she said, (In a British accent.) "This is so fantastic! Why do we have to talk about the future? Lets just enjoy "
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? (Listens) Earl, thanks. (Listens) Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies Id like to talk to you about your toner needs. (Shes reading from the script.)
Monica: Okay, weve been out here for two hours and we havent seen any stupid comets. Can we go now? I mean, Chandlers getting chilly. (She walks over to where Chandler is bundled up in a big coat and shivering.)
Ross: Well, I lost. Some little girl loaned her uniform to her nineteen year old sister, who went down to the U.S.S. Nimitz, and sold over 2,000 boxes.
Monica: In one year?! My God what did she eat? Her-her family! Thats not the point.
Julie: Well, if you like you can feel Rachels and then feel mine to compare.
Phoebe and Rachel: 32. (Joeys not buying it.)
Phoebe: Youre thinking about this way too much. Just tell him and get it over with. Its like, its like ripping off this Band-Aid. (On her arm) Quick and painless, watch. (Rips it off.) Oh mother of See?
Richard: (outside the bedroom) Really?! Well, its just like everyone elses apartment. Its got rooms, walls, and ceilings.
Phoebe: HeyOoh, hows Hilda? Is she working out?
Ross: Im-Im sure thats not true.
Phoebe: All right so Earl, lets just forget about the people at the office, okay? There-theres gotta be someone else in your life worth sticking around for! What about-what about your family, your friends, or maybe your girlfriend?
Joey: (groans in disgust) Wow, its really long.
Joey: Thats ridiculous! Im not a "Star," just a regular famous actor.
Phoebe: Well maybe you dont talk about your feelings back then. Maybe you just say something about yknow all the things that hes taught you. Like (They all try to think about one example and dont succeed.) Or all the things you taught him.
Joey: (looking out the window) Ewww! Ugly Naked Guy is using his new hammock. Its like a Play-Doo Fat Factory.
TV Announcer: Pete Becker is circling the ring now. It looks like, hes just trying to feel him out. Oh, Bruiser is just...
(She goes out into the hall and when shes there and the door is closed; she rips off her robe to reveal her work clothes.)
Monica: Thats right! Maybe its time you took a good hard look at a mirror young lady old lady lady!
Joey: Rachel, there you are! Come on, lets serve that dessert already!