words in movies
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Joey: Oh thats on the house courtesy of Joey Tribbiani.
Joey: Well, hes not used to women being so forward with him; but uh, I good check with himHe says its okay. (She hands him her card.) Great! Thanks! Bye-bye!
Phoebe: Oh I do! (She grabs her huge purse and starts rummaging through it and taking out various items in a futile search for the gum.) Oh, yknow what? No. (Pause) Wait a second. (She removes a bag filled with water that has a goldfish swimming in it.) I know its in here somewhere.
Rachel: Honey, no one thinks youre a pansy, but we do think you need a tissue. (She notices something hanging from Monicas nose, as does Joey.)
Monica: Im fine-d. Im fine-d! Yknow, its a really hard word to say.
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
Rachel: And thats Phoebe (points), and thats Joey.
Phoebe: (To Ross) Which-which sister is this? Is this the spoiled one or thats bitter?
Jill: That he wouldnt pay for my lawyer! Then he told me to come here and learn about the value of money from the one daughter hes actually proud off.
Rachel: Oh! Did you hear that?! My dads proud of me! My dads proud of me.
Jill: Oh, thats so great! Okay, Im really gonna do this! I dont know how to thank you guys.
Joey: Well if its free food, how come youre charging me for it?
Gunther: We dont give anything away unless its someones birthday.
Phoebe: Seriously, I dont Rachels gonna think its a good idea.
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Whats goin on?
Rachel: (notices Jills bags) Jill! Did you shop?!
Rachel: You went shopping?! What, and then you just came in here and paraded it right under Jills nose when you know shes trying to quit. Wow, you guys are terrible!
Ross: Its a rug. (Jill winces.)
Rachel: Oh, come on! You think thats gonna work on me?! I invented that!
Rachel: All right, its okay. One little setback is okay, just dont let it happen again, all right? Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But Im just gonna take the-the pajmena. (Ross hands it to her.) And the uh, and the uh pants. Yknow what, Im just gonna take it all away, cause that way youll just really learn the lesson. Okay? All righty, Im gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner. (Leaves with all of Jills stuff.)
Jill: (gasps) Thats the best one! Oh my God, (hugs him) thank you so much!
Monica: Okay, so what do you, what do you want to do? Lets do something crazy!
Chandler: I know, lets rest and drink lots of fluids. (Holds up a glass of orange juice.)
Chandler: Dont take this personally okay? Its just that I just cant have sex with a sick person.
Monica: Im with you Chandler! I mean I cant have sex with a sick person either, thats disgusting! But Im not sick! Let me prove it to you. We are two healthy people in the pribe of libe.
Chandler: Thats the thing, see I would like to stay in the pribe of mwha-ah-libe.
Rachel: Whats up?!
Phoebe: Umm, I think theres something you should maybe know.
Phoebe: No. No. Its just I was umm, I was with Ross and Jill after you left and umm, Im pretty sure I saw a little spark between them.
Phoebe: Yeah I mean its probably nothing, but I just wanted to warn you that there might be something there.
Joey: Its just I cant because my manager said I (Gets an idea) (Starts singing) "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Annie
A Male Customer: Hey, thats weird, todays my birthday too!
Jill: (entering) Sorry Im late, whats up?
Jill: No! I mean hes nice.
Jill: Hes the kind of guy youre friends with, yknow? But hes not the kind of guy you date. Hes the kind of guy youd date because you did. Me, not so much.
Jill: Oh no-no-no, hes just I dont know, hes just a little bookish.
Rachel: Are-are you saying hes a geek?
Jill: Fine, then lets just say hes not my type.
Rachel: Oh no-no-no, no-no-no, thats not what I meant.
Rachel: Yeah but, hes not your type.
Jill: Yeah but maybe thats a good thing. Yknow Im doing all these different sorts of things, and maybe I should try dating a geek too!
Chandler: Oh what is it honey, you need some tea? Some soup? (He gets up from the couch and goes into the bedroom to find Monica, still in the robe, lying seductively on the bed. Or at least shes trying too and as he enters the room, she takes the robe off on of her legs.) Oh-ohhhh!
Chandler: I was asleep. (She takes off her robe and starts to shiver) Oh no! No-no honey! Yknow whats sexy? Layers. Layers are sexy. And blankets are sexy. And oh! Hot water bottles are sexy.
Joey: What? No-no its her birthday!
Ross: Oh wow! I mean, wow! I mean, I-I-I think shes cute but I-I would never have thought of going out with her, never!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still sick and is hobbling out into the living room for some help from Chandler whos on the couch reading.]
Chandler: Its nice.
Chandler: Its all very, very good. (She covers up and sits down.) So you wanna go uh, mix it up?
Jill: This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think? (She spins to show Rachel the outfit shes wearing.)
Rachel: Its kinda slutty.
Jill: Its yours!
Rachel: Yeah I know, and I bet you thought it would be weird. But its not!
(Theres an awkward silence.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters and walks quickly over to the window to watch Rosss apartment. We see that Rosss apartment is empty.]
Rachel: Oh yes, its me! Sorry!
Monica: (entering with Chandler) Who? (She looks out the window at Rosss apartment) Is that your sister?
Rachel: Oh my God, look-look hes taking off her clothes!
Chandler: Hes taking off her coat!
(We see that Ross is taking off Jills coat.)
Monica: Oh no its not, no its not. Its a first date. Im sure that nothing is gonna (as she is talking we see Ross close his drapes.)
Chandler: Ho-oh, hes gonna get some! (Rachel looks at him.) Of the glare from the streetlight out of his apartment. Yknow so umm, hes closed the drapes there so he can have a nice, pleasant conversation with your little sister. (Pause) Well, Im off to bed! (Goes to bed.)
Chandler: See, honey, theres(puts his hand on her leg)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming out of the living room carrying his salad and a puzzlebeer! Cold beer. And he decides to fold up Phoebes massage table, but being Ross has trouble with it as there is a knock on the door. He sets the table back up and opens the door to reveal a beautiful woman.]
Janices Voice: (singing) My funny valentine, sweet comic valentine! You make me high over my heart!
Joey: Ah, look who’s back! (he sees the bags) Why do you have bags? RACH, WHY DOES SHE HAVE BAGS?
Joey: And its not fake, its totally brutal.
Joey: 'Cause we will appreciate it more when she’s gone?
Rachel: Amy, that’s what I was supposed to wear today, that’s why I hung it on the door.
[Scene: Monica’s Apartment. Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are there, Phoebe enters the room]
Rachel: Phoebe, that’s huge!
Monica: Okay ah, please dont freak out. Umm, but ah, theres a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and theres no way to know which one.
Emily: Ross, are you there? Ross, I dont know if you can hear this but (Ross has moved to the window, apparently so that he can hear better.) Im gonna talk anyway, uh, Im in the States with you sister and your friends and its all over with Colin. I came here to tell you that, and to tell youYes, Joey you can have all the chocolate you want, just take it! Uh, I came here to tell you that I love you.
Chandler: (laughs) Isnt she cute? (On Monicas death stare) No!
Joey: Look, look lets pretend its a real bachelor party. Okay? Yknow? Before your wedding. Come on, itll be fun.
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, Ive never been able to cry as an actor, so if Im in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, lets say I wanna convey that Ive just done something evil. That would be the basic I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it (Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.) Okay, lets say Ive just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And thats how its done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
Rachel: Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that�s true.
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
Rachel: No, Im just kidding I would never do that to you! Okay, everybody, its trifle time!
Phoebe: You guys were right. Hes just too excited about everything. I mean Im all for living life, but this is the Gellers 35th anniversary. Okay? Lets call a spade a spade this party stinks.
Monica: Yeah, I dont hear Chandlers and he doesnt hear mine.
[Cut to Joannas outer office, where Rachel and Sophie work. They are both coming back from lunch.]
Rachel: All right. (She does so and it brings the cooler closer together.) Hey-hey-hey!! (Sees whats in the cooler.) Sandwiches!
Joshua: (getting up and backing away from they.) Is there ah, is there some way they can not be here. Its just ah, farm birds really kinda freak me out!
Monica: Yknow what? It really creeps me out choosing other peoples sex clothes.
Phoebe: I cant say because hes famous.
Rachel: Did I say I was done guessing? Okay, thank you for that. Oh wow! Whats this?
Monica: But still, its a big change. The end of an era, you might say!
[Scene: Rachels bedroom, shes pacing as Ross knocks on her door and opens it a little to stick his hands in.]
Ross: How come its always us left in the field holding the ball?
Rachel: Because its Richards son! Its like inviting Greek tragedy over for dinner!
Rachel: No! It didnt! Thats what I want to talk to you about. (starts to break up) Now, just to brief you (starts to cry) I may cry, but they are not tears of sadness or of anger, but just of me having this discussion with you.
(They disappear into the bedroom leaving Ross standing in the living room holding Susans coat.)
Joey: How about those fries though, huh? (Holds the plate between Sarah’s fingers and his plate, thus blocking her from reaching his)
Joey: Thats a nice picture. Maybe you can still have that!
Ross: No I left the diapers at the hospital! Theres some in the bag but Ill run out and get some more.
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont (Joeys boat), shes shown to be in one of the waterways around New York, but in reality shes in a sound stage on the Warner Bros. lot and we see New York from the water in some rather poor green screen shots. Rachel and Joey are on board.]
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joeys bedroom.)
Phoebe: When I was you! Y'know what, its all Joeys fault, cause he left his nose open!
Monica: Well, Im never gonna listen to you again, thats for sure! (Mimicking her.) "Yknow, harm can it do if you go and put your name down?"
Monica: Rachel! Im never gonna think its okay for you to cheat on your husband!
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is coming up the stairs as Phoebe leaves Joey and Chandlers.]
Joey: There’s a part in a TV movie that I would be perfect for and I didn’t even be put up for it! She’d better have a good reason.
Phoebe: No-no, thats not, thats not me Phoebe, thats her pal Phoebe. According to her high school yearbook, they were like B.F.F. (Ross and Bonnie look at her quizzically) Best Friends Forever.
Ross: Oh. Oh, thats right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didnt.
Chandler: No, the babys out! Look, look!
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Somebody knocks the door]
Ross: Okay, there are no stupid fights!! This isnt about the room, this is about what the room represents! And unfortunately, this room (Points to Rachels room) could destroy you!!
The Interviewer: So, thats it. I guess thats all I need. Thank you so much. I think they will be running this in the beginning of next month.
Joey: Listen that�s a pretty girly hour we just spent, we should add some manly make up for it.
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Somebody knocks the door]
Phoebe: (in her head) Say something! Say anything! Ask her out! Shes not your cousin!
Rachel: and I know Chandler is kidding but it happens every time he touches my stomach. I mean Im really worried the babys not going to like him. (Joey is staring at the table.) Are you okay?
Phoebe: Hey, buddy. Hows my favorite dog, huh? Hows my favorite dog? (the dog doesnt move) Youre subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer?
Monica: Listen umm, Ive been thinking, its not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.
Woman: Hi, were the Rostins. Err, Im J.C., and hes Michael, and were having a boy, and a girl.
Chandler: Young! Youre a man-child okay?! Now go get changed because everybodys ready and please, oh please, keep my underwear!
Chandler: Yeah! Anderson just scored again! (To Phoebe) Theres no Anderson.
Monica: Sounds like shes got the ah, whole package.
Nurse: Hey, she just woke up! Shes hungry. Why dont we give this another try?
Joey: Okay, what do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia, Tris Holy cow, thats a big word. Trisc Seriously look at this thing. Chandler, how do you say that?
Monica: Its okay. I suppose it could happen to anyone, not anyone I know, but... By the way I can still see it.
Chandler: No! No! I dont want him to know were yet! Im not sure Im ready for that. And besides hes not gonna be too happy to see me either.
Phoebe: Please, dont play the music. Just uh one more. LIVE FROM NEW YORK! ITS SATURDAY NIGHT!!
Monica: Its almost 8 oclock, its almost past his bedtime. Where-where is he?
Chandler: They were just giving those away at the store (off Monicas look) in exchange for money.
Phoebe: And I have your name and the fact that youre a drifter, so the balls pretty much in your court.
[Cut to later in that episode. Rachel and Phoebe are going to a movie from Monica and Chandlers, and as Phoebe walks by Chandler she pinches him on the butt and exits.]
Rachel: Whats-whats going on? Phils really pissed!
(Monica screams, throws the mouse down, and rubs her hands on Rosss sweater to clean them.)
Ross: No. I... I wanted to be with you. I dont know, I feel like lately, I feel like youre slipping away from me, y'know. With this new job, and all these new people, and youve got this whole other life going on. I-I-I know its dumb, but I hate that Im not a part of it.
Ross: Uh thats an eighteenth century Indian artifact from Calcutta.
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
Joey: No-no, I cant! I cant! Not after the other night, its just its too weird, okay? Dont tell her Im here! (Turns to run to the bathroom and his bagel falls off the plate onto the floor.) Dont eat that! (Runs to the bathroom as Rachel enters.)
(Sarah picks up some fries from Joey’s plate and Joey looks very angry. Then we’re back to Central Perk and Joey does a you-see-what-I-mean look to Phoebe)
Phoebe: And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. (Chandler and Monica kiss.) And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as its a compliment.
Monica: No-no, its not okay! Its not! I mean you were just Youre so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me! Yknow Im just gonnaI, I am gonna make this up to you! I will! I-I am going to cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and I am going to do anything you want in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
Monica: Come on Phoebe, lets go! Come on, its time to get serious, huddle up. Joey, keep your head in the game.
[Phoebe gets up and goes into Rachels old room, a smile on her face.]
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
Chandler: Oh come on guys, its not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it werent for (struggles to get this out) Monicas allergies. (The duck quacks.) Youre right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs, then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joeys not here right now. Can I take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? (Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the way.)
Ross: Whats up? (He smiles. His teeth are freakishly white.)
Rachel: Oh honey, this is for the best, thus I�m not distracted, worrying about Emma, how she�s doing at home and I�m being completely here with you and, oh, she spit up!
Rachel: Ah yes, but hes very protective of me so youd better watch yourself.
[Scene: The hotel, Rosss room, Emily is entering.]
Joey: Look I dont know this baby. I dont know if shes a famous artist or not. You know, and I dont want to be a jerk but youre changing too much around here.
Chandler: I stole Monicas and changed the name.
Chandler: Alright, lo�look. I don�t smoke anymore. But if the rest of you want to light up, go ahead, it�s fine. (everyone lights up) So you all smoke then? That�s almost rude, that I�m not.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Ross. Joey, and Rachel are eating breakfast. Chandler is holding a bottle of Herseys Syrup.]
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Chandler enters the door.]
Ursula: (disgusted) Hang on. (She goes into her apartment and slams the door in Phoebes face.)
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Everybody except Monica and Chandler is there.]
[Scene: Cousin Frannies Wedding Reception, Monica and Ross are sitting at the table, alone as a woman approaches.]
Monica: No, he’s picking up dinner, why, what’s up?
Ross: Maybe I should stand on your feet! (Gerts shocked and Ross realizes what he said and tries to brush it off.)
Joey: Yeah, a naked bagel game? (Picks up his dropped bagel.) (To Chandler) Dude, I dont know. Thats a pretty small hole.
Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldnt even be here telling you this, I mean youre with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say hes straight Ill believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didnt tell ya Id regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
Chandler: Which is why Asteroids is perfect! Its the oldest game!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica is going over some plans as Rachel enters.]
(Marcel points the remote at Monicas television, pressing a particular combination of keys. The logo SAP appears on the screen, and suddenly the dialogue is dubbed into Spanish.)
Monica: That’s not even a word!
Joey: Hey, for what its worth, with Rachel I dont think youll ever be just (Makes quote marks.) "anybody."