words in movies
Rachel: Hi! Hey, Happy Valentines Day!
Joey: Hey, so, uh, hows it going living over at Ross?
Rachel: Its good. Except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long. Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages? (to the waitress handing her a cup of coffee) Oh, thank you. Ill see you guys later.
Joey: Theres one lucky to-go cup of coffee.
Joey: You know what I want? I want a lot of things! I want to be with the woman I love on Valentines Day! And I want her to love me back! And I want just one moment of relief from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that thats never going to happen!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Phoebe and Ross are sitting in the living room talking.]
Ross: Oh, Im actually on my way to tell her right now. Yeah, shes been away all week visiting her parents, but shell be cool. I mean, shes been so supportive. She-she even got the baby a tiny T-shirt that says, Fossils are my friends.
Phoebe: Its a video of my friend giving birth. Could you just bring it back to your apartment?
Phoebe: Yeah. Candys the mother, Cookies the daughter. The fathers also Cookie. Why am I friends with these people?
Ross: Hey, whats behind your back?
Monica: Nothing. Just something I want to get Phoebes opinion on for Valentines Day.
[Scene: Joey and wait just Joeys. Joey is sitting at the counter eating a pizza.]
Joey: Thanks so much, Pheebs! (to the dog) We are going to have so much fun, yes we are! (the dog sticks his head between Joeys legs) Oh! Not that kind of fun.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler enters with a bouquet of roses.]
Chandler: Happy Valentines!
(The woman groans, moans, grunts, and screams. Chandlers eyes get huge!)
Chandler: Woah, woah, thats not pretty!
[Scene: Joeys. Joey is playing fetch with the dog.]
Joey: Oh, thats, uh, thats Phoebes friends dog. I dont know what his real name is, but I call him Mozzarella.
Rachel: (talking with a higher voice, and puckered lips kind of like you do to a baby or...well a puppy its hard to explain. Just use your imagination!) Oh, well, you are so cute! I wish I could play with you more, but Ive got to go to work! I hope I stop talking like this before my marketing meeting, yes I do. Yes I do. (still talking like that) Bye-bye, Joey. Oh, I seriously cant stop it. (exits)
Joey: (to the dog) Cmere. Hey. Cmere. Thats Rachel. Shes the one who used to live here. Might as well be honest with youwe love her. But we cant have her. I really miss her. Well, hey, you understand, right? Youre a guy. (thinks about it and picks up the dog and looks) Well, you used to be.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler is sitting on the couch staring at the tape on the coffee table with his eyes huge and his mouth wide open.]
Chandler: Its yelling bleeding dilating. Oh, the dilating
Monica: Is this the video of the baby being born? Sweetie, this is Phoebes. Why were you even watching it?
Chandler: I thought maybe you got me porn for Valentines Day.
Monica: Chandler, if you thought I was going to get you porn for Valentines Day (pulls a video out of a basket) you were right! Apparently, its about a young girl who moves to the big city, you know, in search of stardom, but ends up having sex with a lot of guys! Yeah, it got four starts! (looks closer) Oh, wait a minute. Those arent stars. Anyway, you want to take a look?
Monica: Honey, whats going on?
Monica: Chandler, we cant let this tape wreck Valentines Day!
Monica: Child-birth, its a natural thing! Its beautiful.
Chandler: Oh, beautiful? Really? Beautiful? You think this is beautiful? (picks up the remote and presses a button, and he immediately makes a face that just looks like hes going to throw up!)
Chandler: See, honey, theres(puts his hand on her leg)
Ross: Wha? Oh, come on. You didnt have tosaltwater taffy?! (Mona laughs) Thanks! This is interesting. You know, most people think this is made with sea water, but its actually made with, uh, salted fresh water. Thats not interesting.
Mona: I think its interesting.
Mona: Joey cracks me up! Its like, Yeah, why dont you have your ex-wife move in with you? That wouldnt be awkward at all! (she laughs again)
(Ross fake laughs, obviously not finding this funny, and hes starting to panic, so he shoves the whole saltwater taffy hes eating in his mouth)
Ross: Oh, no, no, no, I will! I just want to butter her up, first! You know, Im going to take her to an amazing Valentines dinner. Do all this romantic stuff, and then, just when she thinks Im the best boyfriend in the world, then Im going to tell her that my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me.
Phoebe: If I havent said it before: shes a lucky, lucky lady! So, where are you going towhat the mother of crap is up with this stuff? (Referring to the taffy, which shes been chewing this whole time.) Oh, God. Is it gum, is it food? Whats the deal? (she swallows it, finally) Oh, its nice! May I try a pink one?
[Scene: Joeys. Joey is laying on his recliner, depressed, and the dog is laying on the footrest.]
Phoebe: Hey, buddy. Hows my favorite dog, huh? Hows my favorite dog? (the dog doesnt move) Youre subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer?
Phoebe: Hes miserable! What happened to him?
Joey: Hes breathing!
Phoebe: Okay, Im going to take him back to Wendys.
Joey: No, no, no, no! Hes fine! Look, look, look! (picks up the ball) Heres your ball! Get your ball! Get your ball! (he throws the ball and it bounces right next to the dog) Get your ball! My God, what have I done to you, huh? I broke the dog! Pheebs, I broke the dog!
[Scene: Ross and Rachels I guess I have to call it that now. Rachel is reading on the couch as Ross enters.]
Rachel: Oh, Ive got big Valentines plans! Ive got my Chinese food on the way, and the rest of your saltwater taffy!
Ross: Yknow, its interesting! Most people think thats made with seawater, when in fact
Mona: Change of plans, I made you a special Valentines dinner! Surprise!
Mona: Hi! Hi. Hi, Rachel! (to Ross) Whats she doing here?
Ross: I think shes lonely.
Mona: Okay, but its Valentines Day!
Ross: No, no. Shes way to emotional. And by emotional I mean crazy.
Rachel: Im not here! Thats just my Chinese food!
Ross: Mm-hmm. Shesshes emotional, but, but ballsy.
Ross: (handing Mona the present) Happy Valentines Day! Or something to remember me by.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch still staring at the screen.]
Monica: Thats better. 90 seconds is a long time not to think about it except all I did was think about it.
Rachel: (entering) Hi! Im so sorry to barge in on your Valentines, but I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.
Monica: Rach, you know that birthing tape you wanted to see? Its here.
Chandler: Well, lets just say its ironic how footage of someone being born can make you want to kill yourself.
Monica: Shes right of course not. Honey, get the tape.
Monica: Its still beautiful.
Rachel: Uh! Its horrible!
Chandler: No, the babys out! Look, look!
Joey: Hey, whats up?
Ross: Well, with everything thats been going on lately, I havent exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I, uh, I didnt tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know?
Joey: Still, that really sucks, man. Especially on Valentines Day.
Ross: Yeah. Wait a minute. What are you doing here? Joey Tribbiani without a date on Valentines Day? Whats going on, huh? Girl trouble?
Joey: Forget about it. Its no big deal.
Joey: Its nothing.
Ross: Hey, hey, its me. Why cant you tell me?
Joey: Okay, uh sit down. (they do) Um theres this woman that I like. A lot. But, uh it cant happen.
Ross: Shes not a Tribbiani?
Joey: Well, its complicated. Shes with this other guy. For a long time. Someone from work, too. And I could never do that to the guy, because were really good friends.
Joey: Yeah, hes the best.
Ross: Joey, its worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her.
Gunther: (placing a cup in front of Ross) Heres your warm milk.
Joey: Its Rachel.
(Ross just stands in the doorway, for like a minute Ahh! Whats going to happen next??!!! I cant make it all the way through the Olympics!!!)
[Scene: Ross and Rachels. Rachel is standing in front of the TV holding a video.]
Chandler: Okay, cause thats not gonna get annoying.
Alice: Sweety, now, shes a woman, not a gumball machine.
Joey: The Silly Putty! Its not so silly anymore!
Trudie Styler: Hi! (By the way, its actually her.)
Ross: But thats not enough. So So heres a key to my apartment. (Hands her his key.)
Phoebe: Joey, shes so cool. She speaks four languages.
Joey: Thats not gonna work out! Then shes gonna come home all weepy and youll be tellin her, "Oh thats okay. Youll find someone." And then, bamn! She finds you!
Jennifer: Katie. Geez! See Katie, come hereKatie! (Katie spills some popcorn.) Katie, come here Katie. (She obeys and sits where shes supposed to.) Very good.
Hums While He Pees: I know its really lame, but I got these tickets from my boss andOh no! No! No! My God!
Chandler: Its not gonna be exactly like last time.
Billy Crystal: Im sorry. Ex-excuse us. Im sorry, its a little crowded. Do you mind if we... (motions to the couch)
Joey: It wasnt my ring! It fell out of Rosss jacket! And when I knelt down to pick it up Rachel thought I was proposing!
Rachel: Oh, that�s what this is all about? Did you bring her up here to get back at me?
Joey: YeahHey, dont worry, shes a terrific girl. And hey listen, could you do me a favor? When she comes out could you just mention that Im not looking for a serious relationship; thatd be great.
Phoebe: Yes, yes I do. God, oh its just perfect! Wow! I bet it has a great story behind it too. Did they tell you anything? Like yknow where it was from or
Chandler: Oh! Thats great, they havent seen the place since I moved in!
Ross: None of the sane ones wanted to come back with me! That�s not the point. Ok? The point is you...you are the oneWho moved on and didn�t tell anyone!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Rachel: Man in the black dress (Monica walks away and Rachel looks around to find a woman in a black dress.) (To her) Hi! Im Rachel! Im a friend of Monica and Chandlers!
Phoebe: No he wont. And thats not even the point! Monica, I made a whole speech about you do not cancel plans with friends! And now yknow what? Just because, potentially, the love of my life comes back from Russia just for one night, I-I should change my beliefs?! I should change beliefs! No! No! No, if I dont have my principles, I dont have anything!
Phoebe: Yeah! Or too, you could be two stockbrokers and youre-youre-youre rolling around naked on the trading floor and everybodys watching! (Ross looks at her.) It never happened.
(Mrs. Walthams phone rings and she answers it.)
Chandler: The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice. (goes to kick the ball but kicks Rosss foot instead.)
Monica: I know, hes too charming, but if you two start going out, then its just gonna make it so much harder for me to hate him.
Monica: Oh, my mothers right. Im never going to get married.
Mrs. Green: Darling, thats a breast pump!
Phoebe: (to Marge) Excuse me! Can you tell me where I can find Earl? Hes the supply manager around here.
[Scene: The librarys Paleontology section, Ross is patrolling as a couple walks up.]
Monica: Its harder for me! I have those four other women to compete with!
Phoebe: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, its not your fault.
Chandler: What honey, its like fifteen blocks to the subway. Lets go.
Chandler: Its-its about Kathy. Umm, uh, I like her. I like her a lot actually.
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bing’s job?
Monica: Well, it was the first time. Yknow, theres not always a lot of agreement the first time.
(She goes to look out the window at Rosss apartment and sees Jill staring at her and closing the drapes with an evil look on her face. Rachel is stunned into silence.)
Monica: Thats not even a game!
Rachel: (scoffs at him) Yeah, thats gonna get you into Soap Opera Digest. Well I (leans into the microphone again) I would just like to say that Joey truly has enriched the days of our lives.
(We see Tommy go into Joey and Chandlers apartment)
Phoebe: Okay, obviously you dont know much about the U.S. government.
Rachel: Hi. (He helps her up.) Umm, I think theres something that we really need to talk about.
Chandler: Okay, wait. All right, thats it, okay, Im out of here. I am not going to be embarrassed anymore! (He trips over a box, falls into a flower stand and walks away trying to be cool.)
Man: Yeah. Me. (The elevator door opens.) Oh hey, thats me. (Rolls onto the elevator.) Hey uh, I take it youre just visiting someone.
Chandler: Its kinda a ah, a third nipple kinda thing.
Joey: Its better! You cant go to a museum in your underwear!
Monica: All right, look, I hate this as much as you, but if it makes you feel better, its all your fault.
Monica: Oh, thats okay, I cant wait to see everything again! All of the memories
Monica: Its umm, it has something to do with transponding.
Rachel: God! DontWe cant let her start getting ready! This is too awful! Oh God, but wait shell be in the gown and then he wont show up and then shes gonna have to take off the gown
Eric: Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, and its not like me to do something so impulsive, but shes just so perfect, and we have so much in common.
Chandler: (to Joey) My lighters in there! (points to the cab)
Joey: Hey, yknow what? Ill come too. Im making money now; its about time I give something back.
Joey: Shes gone. She had a bag and she left.
Ross: (stands up) Thats great! Are you happy now? Look what you did with your funny, funny form!
Monica: You got a present for my parents. Thats so sweet.
Nurse #1: This poor guys been in a coma for five years. Its hopeless.
Rachel: Hi! So Im out having lunch at Monicas and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdales and there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and hes gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!
Ross: No, its not what I want either. I mean I-I cant force myself to fall in love with her again now.
Ross: Oh what are you kidding? Shes gorgeous, its all Rachel.
Ross: Sure, because women never like Joey. Yknow, I think hes a virgin.
[Scene: The lecture, Ross is passed out against Rachels shoulder.]
Phoebe: Thats okay. All right, Im gonna play song thats really, really sad. Its called Magician Box Mix Up. (she turns her guitar upside down to play it.)
Janine: Well yknow, hes blah, shes justshes very loud for such a small person.
Ross: Yeah, ooh yeah, I think there is one from batch 17 left, uh (Grabs a cookie and takes a big bite out of it and doesnt like it.) Its batch 16! 16 people! Get out of the way! (Gets up and runs for the bathroom.)
Monica: Yeah, well, Im using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. (She flips on the switch and a hum starts.) I hear something! I hear something! Where is it? (They all start looking until Rachel realises its Joey.)
Joey: Yeah, youre right. Okay look, listen, lets talk about what a huge star Im gonna be!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, (although its really just Monicas now with Matthew Perry in rehab) Monica is folding her laundry with Ross reading the paper and Phoebe standing in the kitchen.]
Joey: So thats why I feed my dog Purina One! Pick up a bag today! (He turns, looks at the bag and realizes he wont be able to pick it up.)
Lisa: Okay, shh yeah. Cause its not silly.
Rachel: Op, but the twelfth brings a lovers spat.
[Scene: Outside Monas Apartment, Ross is knocking on the door.]
Joey: You-you have to pay that! Its not just a guess.
Ross: Because whats going on with Rachel has nothing to do with how I feel about you.
Monica: Heres the plan! Okay? Im going to leave you get a look at Brendas bra!
Chandler: Ah, I fooled around with Joeys sister. (Phoebe gasps) Well, thats not the worst part.
Chandler: Look, Im sorry! But theres nothing I can do, I think Im in love with her!
Rachel: Well, it doesnt sound like it! I mean, its pretty easy not to kiss someone, you just dont kiss them! See look at us, right now, not kissing!
Rachel: I know you did! I bought the same one! And if she sees your table shes gonna know that I lied to her. I told her ours was an original.
[Scene: Petes apartment, Pete and Monica are coming back from a date.]
Monica: No, its not a sign! Its a very old key!
Ross: I know, it�s the first time, we�re leaving the baby and � hey, I know how hard it is for you, but � but Emma is gonna be fine. My mom is gonna be with her. She�s great with kids.
Joey: Aaron! You gotta let me go. The guys hammered!
Dr. Green: Oh? Really? Thats what my daughter means to you? Nothing?
Phoebe: Okay, dont panic. Im gonna go to the store, Im gonna get you another set of nails, no ones gonna know, and youre gonna look great. (She runs over to get her coat.) Oh! Oh, its cause theyre gonna eatthats the problem.
Jill: Its probably because not mature enough. Or smart enough. Maybe he doesnt like the way I dressNo that cant be it. Its really gotta be the smart thing. Oh Im so stupid! Im just like this incredibly pretty stupid girl!
Phoebe: Whos the father?!
Emily: Oh, no-no, yknow I absolutely adore Rachel its just that, well it might be a awkward for you. But its absolutely your decision. (Gets up.) More tea?
Ross: Yeah, all right, its a date. (He leaves)
Monica: Well, theres a lot to think about. I mean, how is she, how is she going to handle this financially? How is she going to juggle work? Does she realize shes not going to have a date again for the next eighteen years?
Chandler: Okay, well he totally screwed up the punch line. Y'know, its supposed to be arrghh-eh og-errigh.
Monica: Okay, can we change the topic? Because its really doing nothing for me.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Joey: No reason, Im just saying that uh Thats where Ill be.
Rachel: Dont say that I have no sentiment! (Starts to show Ross whats in the box.) This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! (Holds up a bone) This is from the museum from the first time we were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!
Monica: Wow! Its like Rachel in High School.
Rachel: Ohh, its gonna be so great! Im gonna get to help decide what we sell, Im gonna have an office with walls and everything. (turns to Monica) Im gonna have walls!
[Scene: Chandlers office, he is just finishing a meeting with his boss.]
Cecilia: Oh yeah-yeah, we should get the (Pause) So when Jessica kisses a man, she usually puts umm, both her hands on the mans face. (She does so.)
Ross: No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasnt heard from him. I-I-I talked to Chandlers parents again!
Chandler: Thats great, but shouldnt you be on the toilet right now?
Chandler: Okay. Then I guess its just, wait here then. (Hands her the sign that says, Wait Here.") (To the ticket agent) Hi. I need one fake ticket to Yemen.