words in movies
Ross: Uh, before we do uh, are any of Joeys special romance magazines in there?
Ross: Hey listen can you do me a big favor? The deans office just called and said there was an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for like an hour?
Ross: Whats the matter?
Rachel: Well thatyknow its just uh, Ive never done that before. Me and him alone.
Ross: Rach, hes not an ex-con.
Rachel: Okay. Well thats pretty much all that we haveOh! Oh! Have you ever had a virgin margarita? (Holds up a bottle of margarita mix.)
Ben: Whats a virgin?
Chandler: Sorry, I just dont like the idea of when I say, "I do," hes thinking, "Yeah, Id do her too!"
Phoebe: No! No! Its-its uh a real thing! Anyone can get ordained on the Internet and perform like weddings and stuff!
Phoebe: Yes! A friend of mine did it and its totally legal!
Rachel: Ben yknow when uh, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. Cause I was, I was your daddys girlfriend.
Rachel: Hey! We were not on aOkay. Thats fine! Fine. Yknow what Ben? One day when you are a lot older I am going to tell you that entire story over a pitcher of real margaritas, okay?
Ben: Whens my daddy coming back?
Ben: (laughs) Thats a good one.
Rachel: Im funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, Ive got a ton of these! Umm, oh hearDo you want a good one? Heres a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? (Does so.) And then you say to person, I bet you cant roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, theyre left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face.
Monica: Joey look its really sweet
Joey: No-no-no-no look no! I wont spit, and I wont stare at Monicas breasts! Yknow? Everyone knows Im an ass man!
Monica: Hey Pheebs, hows it going?
Monica: Its Hexadrin.
Phoebe: Oh no, I dont believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. (Shes pinching the bit of skin between her right thumb and forefinger with her left hand.) Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. (Takes the pills.)
Joey: Oh! My head! Oh! (Hes sitting on the chair, lies back, and puts his feet up for Monica to rub.) Oh!
Rachel: Oh yeah? Did he pull the old (She is waving her hand up and down her face. Shes thinking about the pencil mark.)
Ross: Thats right! Thats right! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat so the pee goes everywhere!
Rachel: Oh, come on! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat, you dont think thats just a little funny?!
Phoebe: Its amazing! My headache is completely gone! What are those pills called?
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
Rachel: Well yknow I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, "Whats up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?"
Chandler: See Joe, not that thats not grrreat! But, one of the cool things about having somebody we know perform the ceremony is that it can be about us! Yknow, it can be more personal. You can tell stories about us!
Joey: Okay. All right. Umm, so uh, so how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room? And then the next thing yknow youre in the bathtub together and shes feeding you strawberries?
Chandler: Isnt that what happened with you and the brides maid?
Monica: No that is not what happened with us. Well, I was umm, I was really sad that night because this guy that I was Rosss mom.
[Cut to London, Chandlers hotel room. He is getting ready for bed by doing push-ups. One push-up. Just as he gets under the covers, theres a knock on the door.]
Monica: (standing outside) Cute PJs! Youre really livin it up here in London huh?
Chandler: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the brides maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, youre not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
Chandler: You kidding? Youre the most beautiful woman in most rooms (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whats going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
Chandler: (thinks) Thats the perfect amount!
Monica: (breaking the kiss) Yknow whats weird?
Chandler: Well I think its safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.
Joey: Hey no-no-no-no! Its cool! Its cool! I-Ill only be a second, Im still with my brides maid, I justWhere are those condoms you brought?
Joey: Ah. (Joey walks to Chandlers bag by getting as far away from Chandlers bed as possible.)
Joey: Hey listen, why dont you come downstairs with me? Theres some really nice girls down there.
Joey: Thats what that was?! Cause that other thing? I thought you were on to something, but it did nothing for me.
Monica: Okay, can we change the topic? Because its really doing nothing for me.
Joey: Oh (To Chandler) Can you imagine if I hadnt left you that last one? You two mightve never gotten together. Ooh-ooh! Could you imagine if I sent that hooker up to the room like I was gonna?! Its like it was in the stars!
Phoebe: Yeah, its totally meant to be. (To Monica) Tell him who you originally wanted to hook up with that night.
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
Joey: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv(Shuts up on Monicas glare.)
Joey: What?! Thats not fair! Its not my fault! I was off with my brides maid! And whos to say I wouldve even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I wouldve said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!
Chandler: Okay, its just weird! Okay? I dont want to be standing their saying my vows and then having the mental image of you and Monica! I-I-I need I dont know what I need. I need a walk.
Monica: Wait Chandler come on, letsits not a big deal!
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
(Theres a knock on the door and Ross enters.)
Ross: Whats her last name?
Ross: Of course I was mad! I told you I-I hate this stuff! Okay? It-its not funny!
Carol: Whats not funny?
Ross: Uh, yknow what? Ill tell you who it hurts! It hurts the kid who has all his clothes stolen in gym class so he has to go to the principals office wearing nothing but a catchers mitt!
Rachel: Fine. Fine, but Ill have you know that once I taught him that stuff he called me Fun Aunt Rachel. And I loved being Fun Aunt Rachel but Ill go back to being Boring and Uncomfortable Aunt Rachel if thats what you want!
Ross: No thats not what I want. Uh, Im glad you guys were bonding but I
Rachel: Look he doesnt have any brothers or sisters, somebodys gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I havent taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesnt know anyway!
Joey: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! Youre so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, cause you guys are perfect for each other. Yknow, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just it-it fits. Yknow? And you just know its gonna last forever.
Chandler: Thats what you should say.
Chandler: When youre marrying us; thats what you should say.
Joey: Well I dont know remember exactly but, its-its pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving.
Rachel: I cant let him go out that way, hes got a meeting. (To Ross) Youve got something here on your back.
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Ross: All right, thats it! (He runs over to Ben, but he runs past him and out the door.) Comeyouno! You are in big trouble young man!
[Scene: Monica and Joeys, Monica is cooking.]
Monica: Honey! Dinners ready!
Fat Joey: Whats my little chef got for me tonight?
Monica: Yep! And lots of it!
Phoebe: (still reading the label) Oh my God! This is a six-hour pill! (Checks her watch) Thats it! Im out of the woods! Ohh! What a relief!
Phoebe: Oh, its like huge weight has been lifted! Cause look, (reads the side affects) no hair loss, not a rash, no hives, Im just so happy! Because no shortness of breath, no temporary euphoriaOh.
Mr. Bowmont: What the hell, its for a good cause! All right!
[Scene: Rachels Doctors Office, she is waiting for her doctor as a nurse enters.]
Monica: Thats not even a word! I can get this! I can get this!
Joey: No! Its not okay! Its not okay at all!! Youre dead inside!!
Ross: (looking in the window behind them) Yknow, yknow Im lookin and I dont think anyones home here. I say we just break the window, crawl through, and-and yknow explain later.
Ross: Yeeeeeep Yep-yep-yep-yep-yep. I remember when she took out on her dads boat she wouldnt let me help at all.
[Scene: Central Perk, its the same scene from the end of last weeks show. Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch as Ross enters.]
Rachel: Ohh! Thats so sweet of you! Oh yum! (Takes a bite out of the sandwich and starts to get sick.) Did you put pickles on this?
[Scene: Monicas Restaurant Kitchen, she is frantically working and is handing two finished dishes to a waitress.]
Monica: No! Thats where we keep the canned goods! Have you completely forgotten everything you learned at orientation?
[cut to later, in Rosss huddle.]
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, the movie is ending and it takes the applause to wake up Chandler.]
Phoebe: Umm, that papers two weeks old.
Joey: I call Monicas room!
Phoebe: Whats wrong Mon?
Chandler: All right ladies, heres what were gonna do. (Points to a stripper.) You are gonna take off my clothes. (To another two strippers) You two, go get the oils. (To another stripper) And you just constantly scream at the top of your voice, "Chandlers the king! Chandlers the king!"
Chandler: Well, I dont really know what that is, but lets!!
Monica: All right then, then nothing changes! Everything is great! Everything stays the same! And you go unpack because its been three days and its driving me insane!
Phoebe: Okay, whatever. Yknow what? I dont have time have time to convince you because hes only here for four hours, and Im gonna go see him! (Gets up and leaves.)
Joey: I know! My grandmothers gonna see this!
Phoebe: Oh-ooh, and I brought Operation, but umm I lost the umm (It starts buzzing) Its making a noise.
Rachel: Thats easy for you to say, you werent almost just killed.
Frank: Its so cool man, its so, its just cause being with her is so much better than like not being with her.
Phoebe: Oh I do! (She grabs her huge purse and starts rummaging through it and taking out various items in a futile search for the gum.) Oh, yknow what? No. (Pause) Wait a second. (She removes a bag filled with water that has a goldfish swimming in it.) I know its in here somewhere.
Chandler: Oh, thats mature.
Joey: Its between us and the sea, Ross!
Monica: Phoebe! Come on! Lets go! (Knocks on her door.) Come on! (Phoebe enters with guitar and not ready to go.) Why arent you dressed yet?!
Ross: Oh, somebodys feeling better.
Rachel: (calling from the bathroom) All right, whos turn is it to help me get up!
Phoebe: Theres sooo much you dont know.
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there. I think its The One With The Joke.]
Rachel: No. Ross, it, it just seems that y'know its time we-we y'know, move on. I mean, I mean dont you think?
[Scene: Allesandros, Joey is eating some cheese.]
Joey: All right, relax. Its just a shoe.
The Waiter: Well thats not true.
Mrs. Geller: Whats this? Blue nail polish?
Monica: Thats not funny.
[Cut to his bedroom, Ross is listening at the door as Paul opens the door, trapping Ross behind it. With Pauls back turned Ross coils up like a snake and slitters underneath the bed.]
Rachel: All right, fine, but dont get mad at me. Its-its just a little hard to believe.
[Chandler proceeds to point out Joeys errors in this forth set of flashbacks. The first flashback is from The One With The Cat. Chandler has just returned home to see that their apartment has been cleaned out and finds Joey trapped in the entertainment center.]
Phoebe: I know but its so hard! Nothing rhymes with your stupid name!
Ross: You have 30 seconds. And the lightning round beginsstop it (Chandler stops jumping)now. What was Monicas nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Phoebe: I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next, yknow? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these policemen, thought I was a whore too. Its been a really bad day, whore wise.
Joey: It wasnt my ring! Its Rosss ring! Thats why I felt so bad Rach, because he was going to propose.
Monica: Heres Frannie. Hmm, wont she be happy to see me? (Starts to get up and great Frannie.)
Mark: Yep. Yep, thats what I didnt want to know.
Chandler, Monica, and Rachel: Great!! Thats great!
Phoebe: Yeah, whats your point?
Ross: I mean, theres no point in spending time with someone if-if its just fun. Its gotta be, its gotta be going somewhere right? So where-where is it going? (Pause) Ah! Thats-thats the real question. And-and the answer is is its going somewhere fun. Now I-I know what youre thinking, fun was fine for you like ten years ago yknow, but youre-youre not getting any younger. No I meanNo not you, not you, youyou are getting younger. I meanyou-you look like youre getting younger by the secondWhats your secret?
Joey: Yknow what? I think thats enough for today. Thanks for your help! (He grabs their scripts and heads for his room.)
Phoebe: What am I supposed to do? Ask every guy I make out with if hes married? (Rachel looks at her.) No, yeah, I should.
Phoebe: (On the phone, in New York) Uh, hello, this is Ross Gellers personal physician, Dr. Philange.
Mr. Douglas: Thats unbelievable.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Chandler, and Monica are there. Rachel is reading everyones horoscope.]
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
Joey: Thats crazy.
Ross: Thats okay, Im cool over here. Ill catch up with you later, Joey. (Joey is shocked.)
[Theres a knock on the door.]
Joey: Theres a lost and found? (Gunther sets the box up on the table.) My shoe! (Grabs it out of the box.)
Chandler: Cause its-its not his last name.
Chandler: (Points to one) Thats one?
Phoebe: Its a Ms. Pac-Man machine!!
Chandler: That-thats bad?
[Scene: The Gellers Kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are still cooking.]
Chandler: Because thats the only part of you he can see when hes on the table!
[Scene: Dots Spot, Chip and Monica are on there date, eating dinner. Chip is telling a story.]
Rachel: No its not!
Joey: They have a kid together, y'know. Theyre like, theyre like a family, and if, I dont know, theres chance they could make that work, I know I wouldnt want to be the guy who stood in the way of that. Are you okay? Do you wanna ah, come poke a nude guy?
(Ross gets fed up with Joeys banging and stops him by pulling him away from the door.)
Phoebe: Yeah, but youve got to pull yourself together! Monica cant see you like this! Then shell know somethings wrong!
Rachel: Okay, look, Ross, I realise that my Father is difficult, but thats why you have got to be the bigger man here.
Frank: Well um, I was in ah Mrs. Knights ah, I mean Alice, sorry, Alice, I always do that. I was in her ah, Home Ec class.
Rachel: Thats not true! (Starts to cry.)
Ross: Oh-oh, youre-youre fellow scholars. What exactly were you looking for, hmm? Perhaps, (Grabs a book from the shelf behind him) perhaps Dr. Chester Stocks musings on the Smiledon Californicus?
Chandler: Its your parents anniversary and youre going to talk about their dead pet?
Rachel: Oo, I cant watch this, its like Sophies Choice.
Rachel: Well, at least thats a great suit.
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are still negotiating.]
Bonnie: You guys, the waters great. You should really go in.
Rachel: Oh-oh, sorry, its this way, its this way. (Motions to the correct way.)
Chandler: Thats still yours. Okay, now remember its a surprise party. So, when you go in, act surprised.
Phoebe: Thats right, exactly. (sees them) All right, its a good bye kiss, thats good. (Frank picks Alice up and they move to the couch) Bye-bye. (They both lie down on the couch and start to make out.) Okay, no, the important thing is that you see what Im saying, y'know, just y'know, this is clearly wrong. (They ignore her) Okay, Ive decided Im gonna let this happen! Okay, can I just get my purse? (She reaches in and Alice moans) Okay, all right, good. (leaves).
Rachel: Yeah, thats true.
Rachel: Oh! Did you hear that?! My dads proud of me! My dads proud of me.
Guru Saj: Well its gone.
Joey: Oh-ooh, thats the turn-on.
Ross: Ben, say hi to Aunt Monica. (He holds the phone to the fake Ben he has created out of a pumpkin.) Oh, I guess he doesnt feel like talking right now. Hes smiling though! Okay, talk to you later.
Phoebe Sr: No-no-no, the-the puppys yours.
Joshua: Ah, thats okay, thanks.
Joey: Whats ready?
Rachel: Yeah, my mom got my dads season tickets in the divorce, so she just gave them to me.
Phoebe: But, I mean, do you think hes gonna enjoy it when hes up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, (she walks behind them again, and hey again turn to follow her) and it-its not fair to the babies, and y'know what, its not good home economics.
Chandler: Oh-no, hes right.
[Joey walks back inside just as Rosss dance is finishing.]
Monica: Whats Phase Two?
The Interviewer: (returning) So, as Joeys friends, is there anything that you guys think our readers ought to know?
Ross: I dont know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but theres this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.
Kate: Nooo. And theres really no reason he should find out, so ah lets not make a big deal about it, okay?
[Scene: Mr. Treegers apartment, Joey is there to suck up.]
[Scene: Monicas new kitchen, Allesandro is introducing her to her new employees.]