words in movies
Joey: (reading) Three down, Days Of Our Lives star blank Tribbiani. Thats me!! Im blank!!
Monica: Three down knows Im married, whats three down doin?
Rachel: So did they call you to tell you your names gonna be in this?
Mike: This is the first time hes ever used this product, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (To Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
[The next one is from Episode 322: The One With The Screamer, its the end of Joeys play.]
[The next one is from Episode 204: The One With Phoebes Husband, when everyone including Julie is watching Joey in his porno.]
Joey: Well, there are so many things, its hard to pick just one.
[This starts another series of flashbacks about Joeys hobbies. The first one is from Episode 703: The One With Phoebes Cookies, Rachel is teaching Joey how to sail his boat, the Mr. Bowmont.]
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names their boat Coast Guard anyway?
Joey: What are they doing out here? The coasts all the way over there. (Points to the coast.)
[The next one is from Episode 603: The One With Rosss Denial, Joey is amazing Phoebe and Monica by holding his breath.]
(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and pinches Joeys nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because hes now forced to actually hold his breath.)
Joey: Thats kinda nice.
Chandler: Yeah, thats kinda a relief.
Chandler: Whats wrong with you?
Joey: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, havent been able to stand up since. But um, I dont think its anything serious.
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.) Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
Rachel: Its a trifle. Its got all of these layers. First theres a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch. [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] Then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef saut�ed with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like somethings wrong.] then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!
[Time lapse, Ross and Joey are eating Rachels disaster.]
Joey: Whats not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Goooooood.
[The next one is from Episode 619: The One With Joeys Fridge.]
Chandler: Thats still in there?!
Rachel: Oh! Yay! Look! Theres a piece that doesnt have floor on it!
Joey: It was so stupid, I said some stuff in an interview that I shouldnt have said. But believe me, thats not gonna happen today.
Joey: You guys, this is Shelley, shes interviewing me for Soap Opera Digest, and Shelley, this are my friends
Rachel: (interrupting him) Hi! Im gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, Im the one you come too. This might be Joeys baby (rubbing her stomach), who knows? Im just kiddingSeriously, (leans into the cassette recorder Shelley is using) gal pal Rachel Green.
The Interviewer: (returning) So, as Joeys friends, is there anything that you guys think our readers ought to know?
Rachel: (scoffs at him) Yeah, thats gonna get you into Soap Opera Digest. Well I (leans into the microphone again) I would just like to say that Joey truly has enriched the days of our lives.
The Interviewer: Oh! I like that. Whats your name?
Phoebe: Oh okay, its P as in Phoebe, H as in hoebe, O as in oebe, E as in ebe, B as in bee-bee and E as in (In an Australian accent) Ello there mate!
Joey: No thats all right. Dont worry about it.
Rachel: Oh but look! Thats gonna leave a stain!
Joey: Rach! Hey! Its fine! Youre at Joeys!
[The next one is from Episode 224: The One With Barry And Mindys Wedding, Joey has to kiss a guy in an audition and has been trying to find one to practice with.]
[The next one is from Episode 512: The One With Chandlers Work Laugh, Joey and Phoebe are betting on who will reach the treat the fastest, the chick or the duck.]
Joey: Thats right I stepped up! Shes my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, Id pee on anyone of you!
[Another group of flashbacks begin with Episode 513: The One With Joeys Bag. Joey is carrying the bag and has entered Central Perk to the amusement of Ross and Chandler.]
(Ross steps onto the bottom rung of the ladder and then steps on Joeys chest.)
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
[The next one is from Episode 722: The One With Chandlers Dad.]
Joey: Check it out. (He turns around, pulls down his pants, and shows Phoebe that hes got panties on.) How much of a man am I?!
[The next one is from Episode 608: The One With Rosss Teeth, Chandler is accusing Joey of becoming less of a man.]
Joey: No Im not. Why would you say that? Thats just mean.
Joey: Its not what you said. Its the way you said it Oh My God, Im a woman!!!
The Interviewer: So, lets talk about women. Im sure our female readers will be interested to know about your romantic life.
[Another series of flashbacks begins with Episode 413: The One With Rachels Crush, Joey is telling Rachel and Phoebe how he picks up women.]
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
[The next one is from Episode 613: The One With Rachels Sister, Chandler has just opened the door to reveal a woman standing there.]
Rachel: And thats Phoebe (points), and thats Joey.
[The final one is from Episode 607: The One Where Phoebe Runs, Joey has been trying to repel Janice and sees its not working to his liking so hes confronting her about the sexual tension.]
The Interviewer: So, thats it. I guess thats all I need. Thank you so much. I think they will be running this in the beginning of next month.
The Interviewer: (returning) Oh wait! I almost forgot. We have to ask everybody this. Other than Days of Our Lives, whats your favorite soap opera?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone is reading Joeys interview.]
Joey: Oh yeah, thats just a little something for my huge gay fan base. (Winks at him.)
Monica: Well, after 15 years of mom and dad keeping it as a shrine to you, its time the velvet ropes came down.
Phoebe: (rapidly) Im doing okay. I think its going well. Do you think theyre having fun? Am I talking to fast?
Rachel: Honey, thats youre name.
Rachel: (sarcastically) No, I did, but tell me again, because its so romantic.
(Chandlers Mom enters and Chandler meets her by the door.)
Mischa: (to Monica) Oh, hes unbelievable. I mean for the first time in three years somebody wants to actually want to talk to me, but do you think he would let me enjoy that, no!! (to Sergei) You silly diplomat, why dont you learn some English, Sergei?
[Scene: Dr. Burkes office, Tim is examining Monica.]
Ross: Hey-hey, its valid okay? And Im not the only one who thinks so, Monica agrees with me.
Ross: Well, not really. I mean technically its-its not against the rules or anything, but it is frowned upon. Especially by that professor we ran into last night, Judgey von Holierthanthou.
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
Rachel: Yeah, come on! Whats going in on in there? (Pats his chest.)
Ross: Whats a koondis?
Phoebe: All right, whats going on there? (Points to a picture.)
Monica: Why? Do you think hes still mad at us?
[Cut to Rachels office as her intercom buzzes.]
Ross: And Im sure youre gonna make a big impression. Hi! Im Rachel Green. Its nice to meet you. (He lifts his leg and imitates shaking hands with it, just like how Rachel was trying to pick up the aspirin with her feet.) Come on, you probably have a broken rib!
The Salesman: Lets see, ahhh Where does the Pope live?
Ross: I like it, and Emily likes it, and thats what counts. So uh, how are you guys doing?
Phoebe: Hey! Hey, did you get your invitation to Rosss wedding?
(Chandlers trying to console Monica.)
Rachel: Whats that song? It has been in my head all day long.
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Emily has packed as Ross returns.]
Monica: Come on guys! Lets go! Come on, its second down.
Monica: Oh thats a great idea. Youre really good on the phone.
Phoebe: Yeah, I do. Whats the matter?
Rachel: Ugh! Get out! Get out! Go! Come on! (Ross gets up and heads for the kitchen.) No! Not in there! Hes in there! (She points Ross to the door next to the kitchen.)
Phoebe: Okay, see, see, everyone else is happy shes done.
Chandler: But only because I was up all night worried about this meeting, aint that funny? Irony? Not a fan, alright (he sits down). See, heres the thing. I went home and told my wife about Tulsa and she wont go. See, me, I love Tulsa! Tulsa is heaven! Tulsa is ItalyPlease dont make me go there!
Chandler: Im gettin my chair back! (Heads for Joey and Rachels.)
Rachel: Good. Although yknow, he-hes a private guy. Yknow, I wish I could get him to open up a little bit, share some feelings.
Chandler: (laughs) She was working on Valentines Day so were celebrating it tonight.
[Scene: Phoebes, Phoebe and Frank are watching TV.]
The Teacher: Are you one of Bens mothers?
The Producer: Im sorry, why dont we do that right now? Hes right here. (Points to a guy.)
Monica: Oh. Thank you. Ohhh, thank you very much. Oh, thank you for coming. (Theres a knock on the door.) Uh, just a second!
Joey: (to the camera) Hello, Im Joey Tribbiani! Lets play Bamboozled! Erin, you get the first question! In hockey, who is known as The Great One?
Monica: (depressed) Thats right. Im no longer a bride. Ill never be a bride again. Now, Im just someones wife!
Ross: So! Poetry? Susans gay! Theyre being gay together!
Ross: (British) Come again? Whats-whats this nonsense? (Giggles.) (American.) All right, Im-Im not English. Im from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. Im sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? (Everyone raises their hands) About paleontology. (They all put their hands down.) All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because Im-Im hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression
Phoebe: But no, because a doctor wont be able to help him, its just gonna yknow naturally pass through his system in like seven years.
Chandler: Shes not gonna say no.
Rachel: Oh yes! Thank you very much! (She grabs a glass, takes a sip, and realizes what she just did. She then tries to spit the champagne back into the glass without Monica noticing. It doesnt work.) Oh thats-thats actually how the French drink it.
Joey: So what are you doing bringing her here?! Theres people here!
[Scene: The train, its pulling into a station.]
Rachel: Okay. (Starts to go.) God yknow, if someone told me a week ago that I would be peeing in Joey Tribbianis apartment
Emily: Thats just halftime, theres more of this.
Monica: Are you insane? I mean Joey, is going to kill you, hes actually going to kill you dead.
Monica: Oh, shes gonna love that!
Joey: Okay, you picked the Gimmie card! You get all of Rosss points!
Joey: Well Ross, it seems pretty clear. I mean whats more important? What people think or how you feel, huh? Ross, you gotta follow your heart.
The Director: Joey, you gotta stay until the end. We cant stop filming just for you. Its not like its your wedding. (Starts to walk away.)
Ross: Hate him? I No, I dont hate him. (Pause) Its just its Rachel, yknow?
Chandler: All right look, forget it, forget it. You told her you love her, its over.
Ross: (feeling it too) No! No! Its wrong! Its-its-its naughty. Its taboo.
Fergie: Joey says you dont really like his hat, but I think its kinda dashing.
Phoebe: I dont. He got he-he-he-hes hit by a bus.
(Theres a knock on the door and Monica answers it.)
Richard: Just your dad. (pause) Although thats actually racquetball. You know I-I do have a blind date with my sisters neighbour next Tuesday.
Monica: I know! Now look, theres only one problem though. Theres only room for one, so I guess one of you will have to stay at Joeys.
Phoebe: I know. Its just yknow usually when youre, when youre done with the pregnant thing, yknow, then you get to do the mom thing. Im gonna be yknow, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila.
Rachel: Do you really not know where Im going with this? (Phoebe nods, "No.") It left! Its one huge room!
(Theres a knock on the door and Janice enters.)
Joey: Yeah, but what if he doesnt? Hes such a good duck.
Phoebe: (not amused) Ha-ha. (She sits down on the couch.) No, its just Im so pregnant that Imy guitar doesnt fit anymore. So I thought til Im not, Im just gonna play all my songs on this drum. It sounds really cool!
Phoebe: Its slang for pregnant.
Monica: Were not gonna have sex! Okay, nothings changed here. He still doesnt want children and I still do, so thats why were just gonna be friends.
Ross: I was hugging her as a friend. Its not my fault her-her hair got in my face, shes got a lot of it and it smells all-all uh coconutty. (Phoebe raises her eyebrows.) What?! Oh, that doesnt mean I have feelings for Rachel! Maybe it means I have feelings for coconuts!
Mr. Bowmont: Its Pam.
Both: Sunshine is here! The sky is clear, the mornings here!
Monica: Well, its getting late.
Ross: Ooh! Theres no way to do this without her? Cause I kinda all ready told her uh, it was, it was already taken care of.
Monica: Im just saying its been a really long time for you. I mean, women have needs. Do it, get yours!
Ross: (reading the newspaper) Hey, heres a question; where did you guys get the finest oak East of the Mississippi?
Eric: Eric. (They shake hands and hes squinting. And, no, its not me.)
Chandler: Look, you dont have to draw an actual wowhoa! Shes hot!
Rachel: Its not Christmas!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is telling Rachel about Petes offer.]
Monica: If you have the big apartment you have to deal with people coming over all the time. That fridge has got to be stocked, okay, thats your department now. (She takes back the turkey leg)
Transcribers Note: This is stuff we never saw from all of the seasons, so for all of the scene settings I will be using the current arrangements. Even though some of the out takes take place when Chandler was living with Joey and Rachel was living with Monica, when Joey and Chandler were living in Monica and Rachels, and the current arrangements.
Richard: Hey Joey, could you uh, go through these lines with me? (Hes holding a script.)
Ross: Really?! Wow! Thats-thats so nice, what are you gonna get me?
[Scene: Rachels Room, Joey moves Rosss coat to get the tissues Rachel wants and the engagement ring box Mrs. Geller gave him falls out of the pocket it was inside. Joey goes to one knee, picks up the box, opens it, and sees that its an engagement ring.]
Monica: Okay thats it. I give up. At mom and dads 40th anniversary, youre the one giving the speech.
Chandler: Yeah, its like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare and then charged me $32 to see it!
Joey: Well, we have to say something! We have to get it out! Its eating me alive!! Monica got stung by a jellyfish.
Rachel: Hey, Mon, if you were hoping to sleep with Joshua the first time tonight, which one of these would you want to be wearing. (Shes holding two frilly, lace nighties.)
Ross: Shes fine. She doesnt know youre gone. And she doesnt have to know, okay? Now come on, were going home.
Monica: Its okay, cause y'know what? You dont really need me for the business.
Monica: Go! I have it in my book. Go! (Rachel leaves and Monica calls Mrs. Green.) (To Phoebe) Wait a minute! If youre in charge of the invitations why am I the one who has to call herHello Mrs. Green! Hi, its Monica Geller.
Monica: (Looks at her nails) Oh my God. Wait a minute, I had them put (realises) Oh my God! Its in the quiche! Oh My God!
Ross: Its Gandolf, and hes not coming.
Pete: Its okay, its not as bad as it looks, its a precaution. Ah, Im not supposed to move my spine.
Monica: With a wok? (Chandlers holding a wok.) I thought you were going to read my boring book to put you asleep.
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, Monica is picking through her ruined childhood heirlooms with Ross.]
Joey: But hey, listen just so you know, you might have youre work cut out for you. Cause when I talked to her, I kinda got the feeling that shes into some other guy. So
Ross: I just, I hate this so much! I mean, every time I go pick her up at the airport, its-its so great. But at the same time Im thinking, "Well, Im gonna be right back there in a couple of days, dropping her off."
Ross: Oh my God its just like I dreamed it!
Monica: What-whats going on?
Joey: Thats Fergie baby!!
Chandler: Yeah, Im putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then thats what were gonna do.