words in movies
Monica: (depressed) Thats right. Im no longer a bride. Ill never be a bride again. Now, Im just someones wife!
Monica: Thats not til Thursday.
Monica: Thats true! (Happily) I knew I married you for a reason!
Front Desk Clerk: (To Monica) Heres a copy of your bill.
Joey: Yeah, thats sad. Mashuga nut?
[Scene: Rosss Hotel Room, he is letting Chandler in.]
Ross: Why not? Its built into the price of the room.
Chandler: So? What? What? Theyre gone! Monicas gonna freak!
Phoebe: Well I guess its okay to open one more if its part of a set. Yknow, its probably this one. (Grabs another small one.)
Monica: No! Joey and Ross dont know anything and Chandler still thinks that Phoebes pregnant.
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
Phoebe: What?! I think hes cute.
Monica: Wow. Yknow it is so weird. I mean, youre gonna tell this guy today and he has no idea whats gonna happen.
Phoebe: Pretty big? Its huge! God, this guy doesnt have a clue! Hes just walking down the street thinking, I had sex with Rachel Green. I rock! then bam! Hes a father and everythings different.
Rachel: Well its only different if he wants it to be. I mean, Im not gonna ask him for anything.
Phoebe: Okay. Then he still has this huge decision to make. Now hes walking around thinking, Do I want to be a dad? and then bam!
Phoebe: I dont. He got he-he-he-hes hit by a bus.
Rachel: Oh Joey! Joey! No, its not you! You didnt get anybody pregnant!
Phoebe: Oh yeah. Thats me.
Joey: Whoa, wait a minute. Whos the father?
Phoebe: You dont know him. Its not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby. (She sits down like shes pregnant.)
Monica: Whos David Lynn?
Chandler: Yes! And thats why Im under the table. Celebrating.
Ross: Well I checked in the uh, lost and found, I talked to the manager, no-ones turned them.
Chandler: Well this is great. Yknow, those cameras were the only thing that was gonna cheer Monica up today, shes really depressed.
Ross: Im sorry man. (Formally dressed people start to enter.) Heres a thought. This is the same ballroom. Theres a band. Theres gonna be plenty of dressed up people.
Ross: No-no-no, Im saying we-we buy more of this (disposable cameras) at the gift shop, throw our tuxes back on, and take a few pictures. All we have to do is make sure not to get anybody elses faces.
Rachel: No! Phoebe, its not Gunther.
Phoebe: Youre thinking about this way too much. Just tell him and get it over with. Its like, its like ripping off this Band-Aid. (On her arm) Quick and painless, watch. (Rips it off.) Oh mother of See?
Phoebe: All right. (She sits down like shes pregnant again.)
Joey: Umm, now uh Its a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. Yknow, now I always thought you and I had a special bond so (He goes to one knee and pulls out a ring.) Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Phoebe: Hey lady, your days over! Its my turn!
Monica: Shes not pregnant. Its Rachel. Rachels the one whos pregnant.
Phoebe: Its Joey! (Joey turns and looks at her and she mouths I love you to him.)
Joey: (smiles then stops) Now I cant believe it! What? Rachels pregnant? (The girls nod yes.) Whos the father?
Monica: Theres a dude?
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
Rachel: Oh God Oh, hes in there right now?
Rachel: Uh, lets rip!
Anxious Wedding Guest: (rushing up) Thats my car!
Tag: So, whats this about?
Tag: Whats going on Rach?
Rachel: Oh, its just not the right time.
Tag: Come on Rach, lets give it another try.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Obsessive Monica has finished opening all the presents. Shes ashamed of this, at least, because as someone enters ]
Joey: Oh hey! You got my parents gift! (Holds it up.)
Joey: Listen I uh (He takes her hand.) Its a scary world out there especially if youre a single mom. Yknow, I always felt like you and I have this-this special bond. Yknow? So, (gets down on one knee again) Rachel Green will you marry me?
Monica: Great! Were hangin in the kitchen! (She drags him into the kitchen and turns his back to the living room) Lets stay in the kitchen!
Chandler: Its picture time.
Chandler: (showing her the pictures) Heres a picture of Ross. (Shows another one.) And thats me. (Another one.) And thats me and Ross. (Another one.) Oh-ho, that is a picture of our first kiss as a married couple.
Chandler: Okay, so this isnt a picture of our first, but it is a picture of my first kiss with with this lady. Which by the look on your face Im sure youll remember. So we dont need(Rips the picture)Theres no need to have this picture. How about I take the real pictures and get them developed right now.
Phoebe: Wait you stole those from these peoples wedding?
Tag: Oh, its crazy about Rachel huh?
Ross: Yeah. SheWell, shes one crazy lady?
Joey: Uh, why, it’s a... (he picks a book up) one of her favorites, uh, (he reads the title of the book) “Riding the Storm Out. Coping with post-partum depression” eesh! (he puts the book back and picks up another) “Love you forever”. Love you forever. By Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly books. Printed (he pauses and changes the tone to a dramatic one) in Mexico. A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and while she held him she sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”. (the picture fades and Joey is now finishing the book). And while he rocked her, he sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”.
Rachel: Well, umm, I guess I read Little Women more than once. But I mean thats a classic, whats so great about The Shining?
Chandler: Oh, thats fine! Go with your instincts, go with your instincts.
Phoebe: Well, its a long story. Its kind of embarrassing. Lets just say there was a typographical error with a sex manual. (The guy laughs.) How about you?
Monica: Y'know what, I think we should play a game. I mean come on, its been twelve years.
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Phoebe: Ohh! I have! I have! I started making these little sock bunnies! (She takes out a sock thats been made into a bunny with eyes, nose, mouth, whiskers, and two other socks sown onto it for ears.) Oh for crying out loud!
Rachel: Yeah. Its just gonna be too hard. Yknow? I mean, its Ross. How can I watch him get married? Yknow its just, its for the best, yknow it is, its Yknow, plus, somebodys got to stay here with Phoebe! Yknow shes gonna be pretty big by then, and she needs someone to help her tie her shoes; drive her to the hospital in case she goes into labour.
Monica: Thats what you say about porn.
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, Rachel is already there with her date, Tommy who's played by Ben Stiller who will be in There's Something About Mary and Meet The Parents, as Ross and his date, Cailin, arrive.]
Monica: Come on, okay, come on this is for all womankind. Lets kill um!
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Phoebe has moved in and has a massage client on her table shes set up in the living room. Ross enters and is shocked to see a naked man lying on the table.]
Phoebe: Okay, well they are a huge responsibility, especially at this age. They require constant care. They-they need just the right food, and lots and lots of love.
Rachel: Oh, hon can you grab me my other box of tissues? Theyre right on that chair under Rosss coat.
Dr. Long: Its the babys buttock, shes breech.
Chandler: Will you marry me? Will you marry me? (Makes like a gun with his fingers.) Hey, you marry me! (He gives up as Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, and Ross slink in all excited.) Whats going on little elves?
Chandler: Okay. And its not just chicks y'know? Its all kinds of other animals!
Joey: I may have to, I hate to do it, but Im the star! Yknow? Theres a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor. (His cell phone rings) Excuse me. (Answers it, on phone) Joey Tribbiani.
Rachel: Ooh, I just feel bad, I never vacuum. (She goes into Chandler and Joeys.)
Chandler: Janices birthday is coming up, I want to get her something speacial. Come in here with me.
Joey: Im sure its a famous watering can, okay. But, come on and what is with the really hot stick in the bathroom?
Rachel: Oh, between you telling him that I wanted to have a fling and me putting out on the first dateoh, hes so gonna get the wrong idea.
Phoebe: Because its our thirtieth birthday.
Joey: Actually, y'know its kinda cold, so how about I keep my boxers on, and give you all a peek at the good stuff?
Erin: Im sorry I Its just theres no real spark.
Joey: All right!! Okay, it was like four years ago. Okay, Ginger and I had gone out a few times, and then this one weekend, we went up to her Dads cabin. Just me, her, and her annoying little dog Pepper. Well that night, I cooked this really romantic dinner....
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Rachel: Okay. Okay, see now the one with the feather boa? Thats Dr. Francis. She used to be a man. Oh look! There(Marcel (Katie) jumps away)Okay. (And runs behind her on the back of the couch for a little while.)
Chandler: Thats a mailman! Thats our mailman! (Waves to the mailman) (Sarcastic) Hi. How are ya?
Monica: Oh no-no-no, its only one night a week, and plus I get to take all of you out for a lot of free dinners.
Joey's Co-Star: Apparently your brain transplant was not entirely successful. It seems your body is rejecting Jessicas brain.
Monica: Okay, I think thats it. The seating chart is done. This is our wedding. They all look like theyre having fun dont they?
Phoebe: Well look no further, (shows her the dead one) this ones yours! Ahhh.
Monica: Well, so far I have uh, my brides maids dresses wont get picked up, my veil gets lost, or I dont have my something blue.
(Sergei says something and leans in to kiss her, but just as hes about to....)
Monica: Well he is! Yeah, I mean marriage is all he talks about! My goodness, in fact, Im the one thats making him wait!
Rachel: Oh yeah! Y'know, if its not a headboard, its just not worth it.
Rachel: Okay. (Opens the card and reads it.) Happy birthday Grandma! Its better to be over the hill (starting to cry) then buried under it. (Breaks down as everyone glares at them.) All our love Monica and Chandler. (Crying) Thats funny, yeah!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, his doorbell is ringing and hes running to answer it while doing up his pants.]
Ross: Look, I-I know its not a proposal and I dont know where you are, but with everything thats been going on and with Emma and Ive been feeling
Rachel: Oh, nothing, hes just goofy like that, I actually, hardly notice it anymore.
Ross: Oh yeah, shes-shes amazing. And-and shes so much fun. And! Yknow what? When Im with her, Im fun! I even signed up for helicopter classes. (Chandler is shocked.) Shes leaving in two days, I dont have to do it.
Ross: Oh, come on, every first time mother feels that way. Youllyoure gonna pick it up. (Rachel doesnt believe that.) Hey! You will! Uh look, yknow when you first came to the city? You were this spoiled helpless little girl who-who still used daddys credit card. Do you remember?
(He goes out into the hall and finds a very drunk Monica lying up against Joey and Rachels door.)
The Waiter: Its uh, its already been roasted.
Ross: Im understanding, but lets not get carried away.
Rachel: Oh thats not important. The point is, I reallyI think everythings gonna be okay.
Rachel: Yeah! Wait a minute, its been a long time that Ive been single. How come you never offered this before?
Ross: Joey, its worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her.
Ross: Oh really, really great! Yeah! A-actually shes right down the street, umm, do-do you know what? You should stop bye and say hi.
Phoebe: Okay, you have 19 questions left. Use them wisely. (Joey groans.) Come on Joey! You cant win if you dont ask any (sees that hes asleep) QUESTIONS!!!
Monica: Honey, I dont think thats something we need to worry about! First of all hes-hes never gonna tell her how he feels about her. And even if he did you have no idea how shed react.
Phoebe: Stings son, seven years old and theres a picture.
Rachel: Oh, okay, well, I think we should let Phoebe decide, because shes the only whos impartial, and shes so pretty.
Phoebe: Oh, I know. I could only think of two names, him and Ed Begley Jr. and then I remembered hes gay.
Mrs. Green: Its like youre a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You dont know how overwhelming this is going to be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. Kay.
Ross: Uh-huh. (Steps to a random kid nearby and hands him his money.) Hey, here you go buddy. Sorry, no porn for you. (To Rachel) Okay, lets go see Monica!
[Cut to living room, Phoebe enters and closes Rachels door behind her.]
Rachel: Let me uh, let me ask you something, do wedding vows mean squat to you people?! And why is it that the second we tell you were going out of town, bamn there you are in bed with the neighbors dog walker?!
Ross: (picking up Chi-Chis picture) Aww! Chi-Chi! Oh, I loved this dog! Yknow Monica couldnt get braces because Chi-Chi needed knee surgery.
Rachel: Mrs. Kay! Oh yeah, she was sweet. She taught me Spanish. I actually think I remember some of it, tu madre es loca. (I think thats your mothers crazy.)
Rachel: I dont care about the little dude! I cant! I cannot listen to anymore of this! Yknow, the only person who would want to listen to this is a mental health professional! And then its only because they get paid $100 an hour! Do you know how much money I couldve made listening to you? $2,000! And do you know when I figured that out? While you were talking!
Rachel: Thats your, thats your dads bedroom. (Yelling) Thats your dads bedroom!
[Scene: The beach house, its the same scene from the end of last year, with Ross in front of the two doors of Rachels and Bonnies rooms, trying to decide which door to choose. He finally chooses the one his right and goes in.]
(She turns and looks in the mirror, and its way, way over done. She looks like she has two black eyes.)
Monica: Chandler, relax its not a contest. (To Rachel) Certainly not a close one.
(Ross continues south and his now wrapped around Joeys legs.)
Monica's Boyfriend: Yeah. Yknow, the hazelnut actually not a nut, its a seed.
Joey: Of course hes gonna have his Uncle Joey!
Chandler: Oh thats all right, I have it memorized. Its 1A.
Ross: Oh thats right. Well uh, would you be interested in seeing a Ukrainian film?
Ross: Well, yeah, of-of course Im okay! What? Im just being supportive. Supportive of you and this whole trip, and-and (notices something) what-what is uh, whats this? (He holds up a rather skimpy bathing suit.)
Rachel: And hey! Just so you know, its not that common! It doesnt happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!
Monica: (Picking up a card from Chandlers wallet.) My God! Is this a gym card?
[Cut too later, the moving process is progressing steadily. Monica is trying to lift a heavy box, as Rachel comes in from Chandlers bedroom.]
Joey: Thursdays clearly not good for ya, pick a day!
Tim: Oh, Im so glad you called. I feel like its always me calling you. So, whats up? Is everything okay with Phoebe?
Ross: I...reorganized the fridge. See, bottom shelf: meats and dairy. (Theres nothing on the shelf.) Middle shelf: fruits and vegetables. (Theres one lone tomato.) And top shelf: expired products. (The shelf is jammed packed.)
Chandler: See thats where I think that youre wrong. Weve been playing these babies man for man; we should really be playing a zone defense.
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I cant get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!! Come on, you have to unlock me, she could be gone for hours, and Im cold, and (Stops and looks up the skirt on a statue behind Joannas desk.)
Phoebe: Ooh-Ooh! I did it! I did it! I figured out a way to make money! Im gonna open up my own massage place and Franks gonna help me! And! We can work it around his schedule so he doesnt have to quit school!
[Scene: Joeys Bedroom, Joey is having a dream about Rachel giving birth with him as the father.]
Phoebe: Are you sure? Ill bet theres another flight to Minsk in like
Ross: Sure! Oh, and Joeys got the mashed potatoes if you want to exchange them.
Monica: Okay listen, yknow when you move in Rachels room is gonna be empty, you wanna talk about what we want to do with it?
Rachel: Pheebs, this whole apartment thing is just a nightmare! Every place I can afford comes with a roommate who is a freak. I mean, look at this; (Points to one and starts to read it.) "Wanted. Female roommate, non-smoker, non-ugly." Its just, there is nothing! The citys full!
Ross: So lets decide on the spending limit
Chandler: Ahh, I think it just moved. Its really poking me.
Dr. Long: (looks at her beeping pager) Oh, Ill be right back. And, uh, I know its really not my place, but please dont name your child Phoebo.
Monica: Okay, if you need the vacuum, its in my closet on the left-hand side. Ah, the garbage bags are next to the refrigerator
Ross: (closes the door) Did you umIm sorry, did you just say its Rachel?
Phoebe: Thats ridiculous Rachel, we were all babies once. (Rachel looks at her.) Oh, you mean today.
[Scene: Rachels birthday, a time lapse has occurred. Rachel is coming back into the living room carrying a notepad.]
(She opens a door and they both scream at horror at whats inside of it.)
Rachel: Yes, I know that. I know that. And I know that hiring him was probably not the smartest thing that Ive ever done. But Im telling you, from this moment on I swear this is strictly professional. (Theres a knock on the door.) Yes?
Phoebe: (clinking two glasses together) Speech! Speech! Lets hear from the birthday girl! Huh?
Phoebe: Well, at least you didnt rent yours from a store called, "Its Not Too Late."
Chandler: (worried) Hes the headliner of a gay burlesque show.
Joey: (pointing to the TV) Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here. Thats called a scrum, okay? Its kinda like a huddle.
[Sequence 1: Monica throws the ball over Chandlers head to Joey who catches it for a touchdown, and starts to dance in celebration. Chandler then tackles him, and he starts to dance in celebration.]