words in movies
Joey: The reactors gonna blow in three seconds, were never gonna make it!
Joey: Yeah, youre great! Okay, lets take it from
Joey: Yknow what? I think thats enough for now. Yeah. I dont want to be over rehearsed.
Chandler: (To Joey) So uh, whats this thing youre auditioning for?
Joey: Oh, its a new TV show. Yeah. Im up for the part of Mac Macaveli or "Mac." Yeah, Im a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. Hes a, hes a Computerized Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or "C.H.E.E.S.E."
Rachel: So Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Joey: Thats the title! Yeah! Yknow they really lucked out that the initials spell cheese.
[And with that we go into the save the budget portion of the show, which features flashbacks from previous episodes. The first set of auditions feature high lights or low lights of Joeys acting career. The first flashback is from The One With The Lesbian Wedding.]
[Cut back to Joey about to leave for his audition for Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Ross: Its your turn.
Chandler: Oh thats great!
Joey: Yeah-yeah, its down to me and two other guys.
Joey: And I know both of them, theyre really good. One of them is the guy from those allergy commercials whos always getting chased by those big flowers
Joey: Theres just so much pressure. I mean no offense, but what you guys do is very different. I dont know if youd understand.
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachels new job.]
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up.)
Joey: I want this part so much! Yknow? If I dont get this part Im never gonna eat Macaroni and Cheese again!No, I didnt say that! Thats a lie.
Chandler: Oh come on guys, its not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it werent for (struggles to get this out) Monicas allergies. (The duck quacks.) Youre right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs, then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joeys not here right now. Can I take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? (Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the way.)
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) What are you talking about? The auditions not til 5:00! (Chandler suddenly remembers and looks at the unfinished message then tries to sneak over and finish it as Joey listens.) Well, nobody told me! (Listens) Whod you talk to? (Listens and turns around to see Chandler trying to finish the message.) Nevermind! (Hangs up.)
Chandler: Which I bought for ya. Taught ya how to use it. You thought it was a copier. Look, if there was anything I could do, I would do it. Okay? But everybodys allowed one mistake, right?
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
Joey: What?!! Thats even worse!!
Joey: I dont know! But its the same!
[Cut back to Joey and Rachels apartment.]
[Chandler proceeds to point out Joeys errors in this forth set of flashbacks. The first flashback is from The One With The Cat. Chandler has just returned home to see that their apartment has been cleaned out and finds Joey trapped in the entertainment center.]
Rachel: Already? Thats pretty bad what you did.
Rachel: Im sure he will forgive you. Look, we have all been there! Yknow, you fight, you make up, its just the way it works.
Rachel: And hey! Just so you know, its not that common! It doesnt happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
Joey: What?! Its 6 oclock!
Chandler: Du-du-I wrote it, I wrote it on the board! I wrote it on the board, then I went all over New York City looking for ya! I went to Rosss! I went to the coffeehouse! I went to any place that they made sandwiches!
Chandler: Well thats good. Because you didnt! And Im incredibly happy for ya!!
Joey: (shocked) Thats mean! You really had me going there!
Joey: Yeah, youre right. Okay look, listen, lets talk about what a huge star Im gonna be!
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
[Cut back to the present, they are still in each others embrace.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Phoebe are reading a scene from Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Joey: Come on C.H.E.E.S.E., Im not leaving without you! Try routing your backup source through your primary CPU.
(Suddenly Ross jumps up from behind the counter armed with a plastic gun. By the way, hes overacting too.)
Joey: Yknow what? I think thats enough for today. Thanks for your help! (He grabs their scripts and heads for his room.)
Phoebe: (To Ross) Hes holding us back.
Rachel: Ohh, I mean its just so realistic!
Joey: Its uh, right through there. (Points.)
The Museum Official: (on phone) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller. I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available (Chandler runs to answer the phone.)
Ross: Hey! How long until Petes fight?
Monica: Stop it!! Thats not funny!!
Chandler: Hey thats what I tell girls about me.
Jill: Its yours!
Phoebe: Well thats great! Congratulations!! (She hugs Rachel.)
Chandler: Stop it! Were doing this! Lets do it!
Monica: Thats the couch.
[Scene: Phoebes office, she is arriving without the knowledge that shes been fired.]
Chandler: Yeah, lets just forget it.
Monica: Its not mayonnaise!!
Phoebe: Youre kidding! And he plays rugby?! Thats so funny. (Realises) Ohh! I see how you did that. All right.
Jill: Oh no-no-no, hes just I dont know, hes just a little bookish.
Phoebe: Surprise! Look whos back!
Woman: Hey Pheebs! Hows it going?!
Rachel: I cant let him go out that way, hes got a meeting. (To Ross) Youve got something here on your back.
Ross: Didnt you spend last night at Joeys?
(They spilt into their sexes and the girls read Monicas and the guys read Chandlers. The girls gasp and groan and the guys laugh hysterically.
Chandler: Oh thats great! Great! Thanks! But that dress I mean its like yuck! Its terrible! It makes me wanna just rip it right off of you!
Rachel: So, if-if I mess this up, theres nothing else for dessert?
Joey: Yknow whats more generous than that?! Fifty percent! Yknow whats even more generous than that?!!
Chandler: Yknow what? Theres some nice guys at my office, do you want me to set you up?
Rachel: Yeah! Its an apothecary table. Does anyone even know what an apothecary is?
Ross: No, its a concept!
Tag: It wasnt on your list, but hopefully youll think its really fun.
Chandler: Okay, look I need your help, I dont know what to get her for Valentines Day.
Ross: All right, thats it! (He runs over to Ben, but he runs past him and out the door.) Comeyouno! You are in big trouble young man!
Rachel: Oh no! No! No-no-no-no! No, I mean come on thats-thats crazyI mean thats crazy. So whats-whats going on with you? What is going on with you?
Janice: Oh! Youre right. Oh God. But, before I can say good-bye, theres something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, its like, I finally understand what Lionel Richies been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, its like movie love, youre my soulmate, and I cant believe were not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Mark: Oh, hi. Its Mark.
Joey: But its $2,000.
Ross: Whats up?
(they go into Monica and Rachels, and see Phoebe hopping around.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at the counter waiting for Gunther, yep Gunthers back, to refill her coffee.]
Chandler: Oh, its okay. I dont
Chandler: I can see why thats hard to resist.
Rachel: Oh no-no-no, no-no-no, thats not what I meant.
Ross: Its not something you are! Its something you have!
Monica: Heres your tea Phoebe. (They give it to her and quickly take a step back.)
Joey: Thats us.
Joey: Thats right, $2,000.
Emily: But, we cant go now. It looks like Rachels gonna put on a skit.
Joey: Okay, but lets say there was. How might that go?
Phoebe: Wow! Thats so great! Oh! Oh! Cougar.
Chandler: (To Joey) In a minute? Whats gonna happen in a minute?!
Ross: Yes thats right.
Monica: Okay everybody, lets go! Lets go!
Monica: (faking joy. Rubbing her stomach and smiling at the same time, like Joey said) Mmmm! Its good!
Monica: Yknow what, lets do the catering business.
(There is a knock on Rachel and Phoebes door.)
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
Phoebe: Whats a Movement class?
Rachel: Yeah thats right! Come on Joey; sex me up!
Monica: Oh well, its not so bad.
Chandler: Hows your room Rach?
Monica: Joey! Hes working! (To Chandler) You would look good in that.
[Scene: Monica and Joeys, Monica is cooking.]
Monica: Right. Umm, listen since were-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Rosss mother
Ross: We got honourable mention in the brother/sister dance category! Look, its almost fake midnight, do we really have any other choice?
Monica: Honey! Dinners ready!
Phoebe: Whats that smell?
Elizabeth: Ohh thats so sweet!
Fat Joey: Whats my little chef got for me tonight?
[Cut to Joeys, hes on the phone.]
Rachel: Thats a line from the show too!
Rachel: Oh my God! I bet thats him. My digital fairy tale is about to begin. I wonder how I should be? Should I be uh (In a sexy voice) Hello? Or should I be (Happily) Hi! Its Rach (Phoebe knocks the phone out of Rachels hand, catches it, and answers it.) Would you stop doing that?!
Monica: Yep! And lots of it!
Chandler: No. No, not at all, thats-thats ridiculous.
Mans Voice: Were still rolling!
Joey: What? No-no its her birthday!
Phoebe: No, I know, I know, that this is Franks life, (walks behind them, they turn around in the leather chairs to face her) y'know. Y'know, I dont want to be all judgmental, y'know, but this is sick, its sick and wrong!
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, thats notNo-no-no!
Rachel: I love it at Joeys!
Rachel: Its not dumb. But, maybe its okay that youre not a part of it. Y'know what I mean? (Ross looks confused) I mean its like, I-I-I like that youre not involved in that part of my life.
Phoebe: Now, its you little bunny friend. (She sticks it in Rachels face and they both laugh.)
Rachel: Hes got this thing. And I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor...
Phoebe Sr: Oh, thats okay, it gave me time to finish glazing my nipples.
[Scene: Chandlers office, Chandler is bent over getting some water as his boss approaches.]
Monica: Oh, this terrible! Everything is destroyed! Look at this. (She picks up some kind of furry thing.) It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I dont even know what it is! Ohh, its still soft. (She rubs it against her cheek.) What do you think this is?
Monica: Whats the charity?
Phoebe: Cause thats just your taste.
Chandler: And yet, shes still not hanging up the phone.
Ross: Well I-I-I dont care how hot it is its-its uh, its wrong.
Phoebe: Have you seen your guys body?
Chandler: Thats still in there?!
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
Phoebe (doing Estelle): Joey, it’s Estelle.
Joshua: Youre into hardcore S&M right?
[Scene: Rosss office, hes opening the door to Elizabeth.]
Rachel: Well Joey, uhm look, I know that she’s difficult, but I think it’s really good that she’s here.
Ross: That! Lets talk about that.
Ross: Whats-whats the difference?
(She walks over behind the coat rack, but Joey picks it up and moves it so that hes still behind it, and she cant see him.)
Rachel: I know isnt it? Its like Im right there with Joshua.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Whats up? (Sees the TV) Oh my God! What am I doing?!!
Phoebe: Ohh! Okay! Okay, cause when-when he said, "I cant wait to hear your first words," I thought, "Theres a trick."