words in movies
Joey: The reactors gonna blow in three seconds, were never gonna make it!
Joey: Yeah, youre great! Okay, lets take it from
Joey: Yknow what? I think thats enough for now. Yeah. I dont want to be over rehearsed.
Chandler: (To Joey) So uh, whats this thing youre auditioning for?
Joey: Oh, its a new TV show. Yeah. Im up for the part of Mac Macaveli or "Mac." Yeah, Im a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. Hes a, hes a Computerized Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or "C.H.E.E.S.E."
Rachel: So Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Joey: Thats the title! Yeah! Yknow they really lucked out that the initials spell cheese.
[And with that we go into the save the budget portion of the show, which features flashbacks from previous episodes. The first set of auditions feature high lights or low lights of Joeys acting career. The first flashback is from The One With The Lesbian Wedding.]
[Cut back to Joey about to leave for his audition for Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Ross: Its your turn.
Chandler: Oh thats great!
Joey: Yeah-yeah, its down to me and two other guys.
Joey: And I know both of them, theyre really good. One of them is the guy from those allergy commercials whos always getting chased by those big flowers
Joey: Theres just so much pressure. I mean no offense, but what you guys do is very different. I dont know if youd understand.
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachels new job.]
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up.)
Joey: I want this part so much! Yknow? If I dont get this part Im never gonna eat Macaroni and Cheese again!No, I didnt say that! Thats a lie.
Chandler: Oh come on guys, its not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it werent for (struggles to get this out) Monicas allergies. (The duck quacks.) Youre right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs, then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joeys not here right now. Can I take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? (Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the way.)
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) What are you talking about? The auditions not til 5:00! (Chandler suddenly remembers and looks at the unfinished message then tries to sneak over and finish it as Joey listens.) Well, nobody told me! (Listens) Whod you talk to? (Listens and turns around to see Chandler trying to finish the message.) Nevermind! (Hangs up.)
Chandler: Which I bought for ya. Taught ya how to use it. You thought it was a copier. Look, if there was anything I could do, I would do it. Okay? But everybodys allowed one mistake, right?
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
Joey: What?!! Thats even worse!!
Joey: I dont know! But its the same!
[Cut back to Joey and Rachels apartment.]
[Chandler proceeds to point out Joeys errors in this forth set of flashbacks. The first flashback is from The One With The Cat. Chandler has just returned home to see that their apartment has been cleaned out and finds Joey trapped in the entertainment center.]
Rachel: Already? Thats pretty bad what you did.
Rachel: Im sure he will forgive you. Look, we have all been there! Yknow, you fight, you make up, its just the way it works.
Rachel: And hey! Just so you know, its not that common! It doesnt happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
Joey: What?! Its 6 oclock!
Chandler: Du-du-I wrote it, I wrote it on the board! I wrote it on the board, then I went all over New York City looking for ya! I went to Rosss! I went to the coffeehouse! I went to any place that they made sandwiches!
Chandler: Well thats good. Because you didnt! And Im incredibly happy for ya!!
Joey: (shocked) Thats mean! You really had me going there!
Joey: Yeah, youre right. Okay look, listen, lets talk about what a huge star Im gonna be!
[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin between Chandler and Joey. Theres no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, Youve Really Got a Hold on Me!]
[Cut back to the present, they are still in each others embrace.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Phoebe are reading a scene from Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Joey: Come on C.H.E.E.S.E., Im not leaving without you! Try routing your backup source through your primary CPU.
(Suddenly Ross jumps up from behind the counter armed with a plastic gun. By the way, hes overacting too.)
Joey: Yknow what? I think thats enough for today. Thanks for your help! (He grabs their scripts and heads for his room.)
Phoebe: (To Ross) Hes holding us back.
Rachel: Chandler, thats not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And youve just gotten her one great present? I mean thats just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why?
Joanna: Just a little gag gift somebody gave me. (Shes holding a pair of handcuffs) Put your hands together.
Joey: Correct! Theres a possible backwards bonus!
Parker: Dahaaa! (Punches Chandler in the arm and he makes a face of pain.) Im going to find the mens room, be right back.
Joey: Its the chick! Shes going through some changes.
Monica: Hes not boring! Hes just-hes just low key.
(Yep, its a little gold loop.)
Chandler: (frustrated) Okay, for the last time. Its not named for each individual man.
Mark: Um, y'know, before we go ah, theres something I need to say.
Phoebe: Dont be so corny Ross, its not an after-school special. (She rides off and the camera pans down to reveal two shiny, silver training wheels firmly attached.)
Joey: Hey! (starts to laugh.) Hows it going?
Dr. Green: Ross? Whats with the neck?
Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God that’s awful! What did you think of the house?
[cut to inside Monica and Rachels]
Joey: Yeah, whats that about?
Joey: Uhhh, yeah. Yeah. But uh, I dont think its the kind youre gonna like.
Mr. Thompson: And finally, our biggest item of the night, the 22-foot gentlemans day sailer sailboat. The winning bid was a whooping $20,000! (Joey suddenly gets excited.)
Ross: Uh, so this play umm, what do you think? Its-its gotten great reviews! Yknow the uh
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Itssince youve never done it before you can be Monicas made of honor.
Joey: Yeah, just a crush! Thats all this is! Its a crush! Im Joey; I dont get deep feelings.
Joey: You bet! Whats the part?
[Scene: Monicas, Chandler and Monica are still hugging each other.]
Monica: Theres our star!
[Scene: Chandlers office, he is trying to find Rachel a date.]
Chandler: So thats the girl you like.
(Onstage theres a knock on the door and Kathy opens it. We dont see whats going on, only hear it.)
Monica: Really? Whos number two?
Monica: Hey, the mans dog just died.
Chandler: Y'know what, hes right. Theres something like uh, ammonia in that, that like kills the pain.
Mr. Geller: So its just your mother then.
Ross: (to the girls) Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl’s breast?
Ross: Okay, its coffee.
Ross: Its-its hot
Rachel: No! Theres no orange juice in there! We win!!
Ken: That�s right. Is it true, that the reason you are here in Tulsa is that you fell asleep in a meeting and took the job without realizing what you were saying yes to?
Monica: Oh, its so beautiful. Ohh! Yknow, I-I dont know if I feel right about this.
Phoebe: Youre the cook! With out you its just me driving up to peoples houses with empty trays and asking for money!
Ross: No, but its-its-its hot!
(Helens buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.)
Monica: Phoebe, its been two days.
Phoebe: Oh! Since tomorrow. I met this really cute guy in the park and he like y'know, jogs, and blades, and swims, and so y'know we made a deal thats hes going to teach me all sorts of jock stuff.
Joanna: Oh yes, well theres the coffee too. (to the committee) Rachel can carry two things at once!
Chandler: Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear.)
Ross: Oh, no, no, no, I will! I just want to butter her up, first! You know, Im going to take her to an amazing Valentines dinner. Do all this romantic stuff, and then, just when she thinks Im the best boyfriend in the world, then Im going to tell her that my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me.
Rachel: Ross! Phoebes gonna be here any second, she cannot see this!
Ross: I mean look, that-that one night we had was fun and and certainly passionate, but dont you think its better if we just stayed friends?
Chandler: Oh, the duck seems to think that Monica got me garbage! Hmm, I wonder what I could get Monica thats as good as garbage?
Ross: Because! Because, it-it-its Itd be like you having this guitar (Points to hers) and-and never playing it. Okay, this guitar wants to be played! And-and this bike wants to be ridden and-and if you dont ride it you-youre-youre killing its spirit! (Pause) The bike is dying.
Monica: Thats better. 90 seconds is a long time not to think about it except all I did was think about it.
Ross: Oh-oh, okay, okay! (He quickly takes off his sweater in order to put on the T-shirt. Its an old Frankie says relax T-shirt, that barely fits him. Rachel nods her head in approval of the new look.) If you dont mind Im gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. (Starts to leave) You have a pleasant evening. (He exits and leaves the door open.)
Joey: Shes mad because I know todays her laundry day and that means shes wearing her old lady underpants.
Chandler: Okay. (Pause) You wont believe what Monicas older brother just said to me!
Joey: Hey uh, whats a matter?
Vince: So, whats up?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, he clipped on, he said call him as soon as you get a chance, hes at Flimbys.
Ross: And hes, hes a total stranger?
Ross: Oh sure, "Ross will do it!" Its not like he has a job, or a child, or a life of his own.
Robin: No-no, its ooozing, oozing. (to Rachel) Could you pass me the cream? Is there anyOh, theres the cream.
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.) Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
Joey: Well whats fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game thats just people standing around answering questions?
Ross: I guess its worth a try.
Ross: What?! Hows that?
Monica: Whats that?
Phoebe: Like shes really mean, and shes over critical, and-andNo! She will paint a room a really bright color without even checking with you!
Joey: Great! Thanks! Youre gonna love her so much. AndOh, shes the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. Hey, yknow the S.A.Ts?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebes singing, Vince is also there.]
[Scene: Guru Sajs office: Joey and Chandler have taken the duck to see the guru.]
Joey: All right, well finish your coffee; lets go.
Billy: Whats the matter?
Robin: Why? Why?! Whats wrong with me?!
Rachel: Whats Flimbys?
Phoebe: No! Because hes in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, youre just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Yknow, its too late! You missed youre chance! Im sorry, I know this must be really hard, its over.
Phoebe: All right, so, so you went to Petes...
Frank: Well, okay, so whats nowgo get, go get the eggs, put em in there.
Robin: Thats the one.
Phoebe: Yeah, umm thats Whitney (Points), Kyles ex-wife out there, now do you think that you can yknow divert her so that we can slip out?
Chandler: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesnt matter, I still wind up with this little (pats the flat spot on the back of his head) cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. Its so annoying. Does it bug you?
Chandler: Well I think its safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.
Doug: (to Chandler) You! Chuckles! Whats your name?
Eric: No wait! Theres only a problem when I look at you. (Sits down on the couch.) Oh I got it! I got it. (Puts his hands to his eyes.)
Ross: So I finally heard back from Aunt Sheryl and apparently it wasnt a mistake. Ahh, theres-theres limited seating in the hall.
Rachel: Oh! (laughs) Thats fine.
Joey: Whats goin on?
Phoebe: No its not great. No, shes coming to tell Ross that she loves him.
Kate: Flights in an hour. I-I gotta go.
(Of course its too late for that.)
Rachel: I can make you a legend. I can make you this generations Milton Berle.
Ross: All right! You go get him! Lets go!
Phoebe: Wow, its like a dirty math problem.
Chandler: Well, thats not true, he-he smacked you once.
Monica: Well its I mean Id justId be self-conscious. Youre my friend; Id be naked.
Ginger: Whats a nubbin?
Ross: Thats what you said last night.
Ross: Hum...So...hum...Oh hey I noticed you were reading the paper...another flood in Europe? Here�s a question: "Would you...would you rather drown or be burnt alive?"
Joeys Grandmother: That dies with me.
Ross: Pheebs, I think shes great. Okay? Were going out again.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, its just Monica and Chandler dancing to Wonderful Tonight on the Slowhand album by Eric Clapton. And you can buy that album from the CFSI, just click on the CDNow link.]
Rachel: So whos idea was it to put everybody in the diner on skates?
Phoebe: Okay, well Ill bring them by tomorrow morning. Okay, and uh, by the way, theyre not actually puppies, theyre Frank and Alices triplets. Okay, see ya! (Exits.)
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.