words in movies
(Rachel opens the trash chute, winces at the smell, and throws the garbage bag in. She then tries to throw the pizza box in, but since its so big she jams it into the opening and it prevents the door from closing. She then turns around too see Mr. Treeger watching her.)
Rachel: Ummm. Oh! Im sorry. (She grabs the box and offers him a piece.) Its a little old but
[Cut to Monica and Rachels apartment as Rachel returns in tears.]
Monica: Joey, please dont do that. I think its best that we just forget about it.
Rachel: Thats easy for you to say, you werent almost just killed.
Joey: All right thats it, school is in session! (Exits and slams the door.)
Monica: (Picking up a card from Chandlers wallet.) My God! Is this a gym card?
Chandler: Oh Maria. You cant say no to her, shes like this lycra spandex covered gym treat.
[Scene: Treegers apartment, Joey knocks on the door and Treeger opens it.]
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, well your friends are in violation of it. Ive been a nice guy up until now, but uh, I dont need this grief. Im gonna call the landlord and tell him that Monica is illegally subletting here grandmothers apartment. Your friends are outta here pal.
Monica: Whats the matter?
Phoebe: Oh no, it is forbidden! No-no, Mrs. Potter fires people for fooling around with clients. And its against my oath as a masseuse.
Phoebe: No, I made myself take an oath. Yeah, no fooling around with clients and umm, always be prepared. Yeah, that ones actually from the Boy Scouts, but it just makes good sense.
Chandler: Because thats the only part of you he can see when hes on the table!
Phoebe: Because its Arabian princess day at work! Okay?! Leave me alone!
Joey: He said that he wasnt gonna apologize because you guys are living here illegally, so instead what hes gonna do is have you evictedIll see you later.
Rachel: Thats not true! (Starts to cry.)
[Scene: Chandlers gym, He and Ross are there to cancel his membership.]
Ross: Good! Thats good!
Ross: Its okay man, be strong. (Chandler goes into the office.)
[Scene: Heeling Hands Inc., Phoebes work, she is giving a massage to the guy, Rick, she likes.]
Rick: Would you mind spending some time on my siadic area, its been killing me today.
[Scene: Mr. Treegers apartment, Joey is there to suck up.]
Joey: Thats not, prison lingo, is it?
Joey: Yeah, theres this superintendents dance, the Super Ball. I dont know, and he wants to impress Marge, this lady super that hes a crush on.
Joey: Well, hes too shy, he doesnt thing hes good enough to dance with girls yet.
Ross: And thats funny, why?
Rachel: Oh, umm, I was just yknow working out and umm Oh, thats it.
Chandler: Now, theres two reasons.
Ross: And thats not against your oath?!
[Scene: Treegers apartment, Joey knocks and Mr. Treeger opens the door.]
Joey: All right, Im here, lets ahh, get this over with.
Joey: No, its okay, but if Im Marge, my breasts are coming out my back.
Mr. Treeger:: Im sure as hell a dancer, its no use Marge will never go for me.
Joey: Come on Treeger, dont say that. You just ahh, you just need more practice. Here, come on, lets ahh, lets try it again. Come on. (they start dancing again) Plus, it was, it was probably mostly my fault, anyway. I mean, yknow, Im not really that comfortable dancing with a(Treeger throws him) We-he!! Hey!
Joey: Hey-hey, hold on, this isnt some kind of like girly dance. All right, its like a sport, its manly!
[Scene: Ross and Chandlers bank, they are there to close their accounts.]
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Okay, baseball. Rick, playing baseball. Okay, slides into second, maybe even his pants come down a little Oh nowait no, no! No! Okay, all right, sandwiches, sandwiches. Umm, okay, on a plate, maybe Ricks pants come down a little. No! No! Okay, Chandler! Okay Chandler, ooh, thats working.
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Chandlers knees. Chandlers ankles. Chandlers ankle hair. (notices the clock) Oh no. (to Rick) Okay, youre all set.
(Suddenly, Phoebes boss, Mrs. Potter, and a client, Mr. Simon, enters.)
Mrs. Potter: Mr. Simons been waiting for(sees Phoebe and Rick) Oh my God!
Phoebe: Its so weird, I have never been fired from anything before!
Phoebe: I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next, yknow? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these policemen, thought I was a whore too. Its been a really bad day, whore wise.
(Theres a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.)
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, but yknow, I think the reason were not getting that spin right is because my apartments too small.
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, you could dance real good with her, shes the same size as me.
(Treeger leaves, and Joeys dances off.)
[Scene: Lara and Jenis Massage, Phoebe is interviewing for a job.]
Interviewer: So it looks like youve got some great experience here. Lets see ahh, reason for leaving last job?
Chandler: Okay, now lets decide who has the nicest ass.
Joey: Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks shes like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!
Phoebe: Thats weird.
Monica: Thats right. Thats right. And that is why you cant stay here tonight. And probably why you shouldnt come to the wedding.
Rachel: Thats weird, she locked the door.
[cut to Monica telling the gang about what happened at Petes]
(The rest of the gang runs away, except for Ross whos tramped inside his car. To hide he puts the top up as Monica, Rachel, and Joey come running past.)
Rachel: Oh yknow what honey? Lets not talk about that right now?
Ross: Look, you guys I just wanna say, I really, really appreciate you spending this time with me. Its been a pretty hard time right now, so I just wanna say thanks.
Phoebe: YOU DID NOT!!!! Oh! No! You came up with Relaxi Cab! Thats not good.
Chandler: Janice I didnt even know you were pregnant! Whos the unwitting human whos essence youve stolen?
Chandler: No, actually Lauries a boy.
Monica: Umm. Well, theres Rachel, and umm, I think thats it. How bout you?
Rachels Boss: Now Mr. Kaplan Sr. likes his coffee strong, so your gonna use two bags instead of one, see. Now pay attention, cause this parts tricky, see some people use filters just once.
Ross: Yeah, but when the baby comes shes gonna want to move.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, hes still trying to figure out what to make Monica.]
Joey: No-no, its uh, its Heston.
Joey: Wh-whats going on?
Ross: Huh? Oh-oh, it was fine. Uh, it was just a misunderstanding. She didnt want me to go with her. She just wanted to let me know that shes going to Florida for spring vacation.
Rachel: Tommyyyy! Say, whats your favourite thing about summer?
Rachel: Beefsteak Charlies?
Joey: Spocks birth control.
Ross: Oh, it looks like mom and dads house. Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is Oh my God!!
Chandler: Monicas gotta have the phone in the right place and(Frantic babbling.)
The Dry Cleaner: Thats my wife!!! Get out! (Starts yelling at him in Russian, and Im betting hes not saying pleasant things about him.)
Rachel: No I know, because to be a grandmother you have to be married and have children and I dont have any of those things. Thats why its so funny. (Runs into her room crying.)
Phoebe: No, no, thats the ghost for the attic.
Phoebe: And also, we dont know what to do with this. (She turns on a switch and the girls nipples light up.)
Rachel: Okay, two things didnt happen. Remember I told you that someone made out with Ralph Lauren in the copy room? Well, it turns out thats not true.
Rachel: Oh but Joey, I have to go. Theres no room for a baby here.
Joey: Uhhhh. (Hes not sure)
Joey: Check it out, hes winning! (to Monica) Petes winning!
Monica: Okay, lets start with the free messages outside the UN.
Rachel: No, yknow what? Its gonna be okay. I mean you dont have to have this rustic Italian feast. Yknow? And-and you dont need, you dont need this custom-made, empire waisted, duchess, satin gown; you can wear off the rack. (She starts to cry, as does Monica.)
Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Yknow? And it turns out I was wrong. And now its lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)
Ross: Okay, its second down. (turns away) Take all the second downs you need.
Monica: (seeing her) Okay, lets go!! Lets hit the road!!
Phoebe: Yeah, its in the guys apartment under the sink. Why?
Frank: So wait, whats the deal here, I can have sex with you, but I cant touch you?
Phoebe: Oh heres a whole bunch.
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
Phoebe: Well okay, its already February and Ive only given two massages and they were both the worst tippers in the world!
Dina: Thanks so much for meetin with me. Joeys told me so much about you!
Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was natures way of telling you to die! (Phoebe glares at him.) But youre not gonna die. I mean, you are going to die, but youre not gonna die today. I wish I was dead.
Joey: No, its just my luggage.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross has just finished putting Ben to sleep, and is entering from Rachels room.]
Phoebe: Its mostly just photographs of lesbian love scenes interspersed with video games and free sandwiches.
Joey: Chandler. Will you see if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips? Cause if I can get in a Broadway show then I wouldve done it all, film, television, and theater. The only think left would be radio, and thats just for ugly people.
Ross: Hey! Its starting to snow.
Phoebe: Well my guy is spectacular. Okay? Hes a massage client and one time umm, when he was on the table, I looked at it. And I mean all of it.
Joey: All right, Ill take a box of the cream filled Jesuss.
Joey: Uh, Pheebs we kinda need you to drive us all up there in your grandmothers cab, but y'know what, Ill stay.
Rachel: (handing him the letter) Its just some things Ive been thinking about. Some things about us, and before we can even think about the two of us getting back together, I just need to know how you feel about this stuff.
[Cut to the hall, Joeys sister runs up and grabs Chandlers butt.]
[Scene: Chandlers office, Chandler is confronting his boss about the butt smacking thing. His boss is writing on a white board.]
Ross: Maybe its a universal thing?
Monica: Lets get the show on it!
Joey: Its All Relative.
Phoebe: Whats block?
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I-I wish I had too, but yknow I-I think this is a good thing. Y'know? Cause weve had our first fight, and now we can move on. Yknow, I know for me(Notices a pair of mens pants on the chair.) Nicks pants?
Chandler: Im in the bathroom, can you come in here? I think theres something wrong.
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank is melting a plastic spoon.]
Ross: Ive said it! Okay?! But its over Joey!
Joey: Hey, no way, that roosters family!
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are showing everyone the van they bought for the catering business. Its an old Dodge van, that has a cartoon woman riding on a dragon painted on the side of it.]
Friend No. 2: Rachel! Rachel! (stirs Rachel from her dream, shes in her car driving back from the city)
Joey: Uhh, look, your eyes still popping out a little, Im gonna go get some ice.
Paul: Hi! Hi. (Hes looking around.) I think I left my keys here somewhere.
Ross: I dunno, maybe its because youre really sarcastic. Or maybe its cause you uh-
Monica: Maybe. I just hope she realizes how hard its gonna be.
Mrs. Geller: This is your grandmothers engagement ring, I want you to give it to Rachel.
Ross: (to Monica and Rachel) Its winter, they are fewer people on the street. (Rachel and Monica smile and nod, knowingly.)
Written by: Michael Curtis & Gregory S. Malins Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
Rachel: Oh! Yay! Look! Theres a piece that doesnt have floor on it!
[Scene: Backstage at Joeys play, Joey is arriving, late.]
Ross: Besides, theres a big age difference.
Phoebe: Oh no, let her stay out there. Its sweet.
Chandler: (to Ross) All right listen, I have to go to the bathroom, but if the place with the big fish comes up again. Id like know whether thats several big fish or just one big fish.
Rachel: (shouting) Its All Relative!!
Phoebe: Okay, Monicas are the biggest.
Joey: Well, theres really only one thing you can do.
Chandler: Mom. Thanks for wearing something. (They hug.) (Shes wearing a tight dress with a lot of cleavage showing.)
Monica: Well, the giraffes okay. And so is the pirate.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the brides maid test.]
Monica: Oh God Phoebe!! (Phoebe covers one ear.) Oh thats it! Thats it! Right there! Oh! (Tries to cover the other ear.) Ooooh-oooh-ooooh (Covers both ears and continues the massage with her elbows.)
(She throws the paper at him, misses and hits Monicas door, they all jump back at the sound.)
Rachel: All right, lets do it.
Ross: Okay, y'know what, lets just cut to the chase here. Okay? Heidi, which of my boys do you like?
Ross: Monicas right. Were talking about getting married here. Okay? She-she cant just rush into this.
Monica: Oh sure, now you�re Mister Sensitivity. But when you wanted to have sex right after my uncle�s funeral
Chandler: Hey its Joey!
Chandler: (to Monica) Actually hes the smallest person in the world.
Phoebe: Its a trip for two! (She gets up and takes off her blouse-type thingy shes wearing over her dress.) Excuse me. (She walks over to table four.) Excuse me, is the person who won the Paris trip at this table?
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, a scene is being shot where Dina and Fredrick are celebrating Jessicas horrible accident by drinking champagne.]
(And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show moves its entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
Rachel: Well then he gets a divorce, its Ross!
Chandler: Oh, dont say that! Dont say that. Thats not true. Is it?
Joey: All right look, Ross, hes right. Emilys great, shes great! But this way too soon, youre only gonna scare her!
Joey: Whats up?
Joey: Whos Elaine?