words in movies
Joey: YeahHey, dont worry, shes a terrific girl. And hey listen, could you do me a favor? When she comes out could you just mention that Im not looking for a serious relationship; thatd be great.
Rachel: Yknow what? Thats a lot to remember, cant I just tell her youre a pig?
Joeys Date: Hi!
Joeys Date: Sorry about that, but I couldnt get that lock to work on the door.
Joeys Date: You must be Rachel, Im Erin.
[Scene: N.Y.Us University Library, Ross is entering with Chandler.]
Ross: Okay, okay, I was typing names into the library computer earlier, yknow-yknow for fun, and I typed mine in and guess what came up? My doctoral dissertation! Its here! Yeah, its right-its right down here! In the biggest library in the university! (They start heading that way, towards a secluded section behind the racks.)
Chandler: Wow thats actually pretty cool.
Ross: (stopping quickly) Oh umm, theres also a book here by a woman named Wendy Bagina. (They both laugh, but stop when the hear moaning coming from the next aisle.) What is that?
(They go around the last row of bookshelves and find a couple doing what college coeds do in secluded corners of university libraries. For those of you who dont know what Im talking about, lets just say that clothing is undone. Ross gasps and the couple gets up and runs away.)
[Scene: Monicas Restaurant Kitchen, Monica is cooking as a waitress enters carrying a plate of food that has been sent back.]
The Waitress: She says its to dry now and she wants to come back here and explain to you exactly how she wants it.
The Colonel: OH MY GAWD!!!! (Yep, its Janice.)
Monica: (to the lobster) Lucky bastard! (Throws the lobster in and turns around to face the planets most annoying woman, next to Dr. Laura and Kathy Lee Gifford of course. Shes the most annoying female TV character however.) Janice.
Janice: (notices Monicas engagement ring) Ohh! What is that on your finger?! Im blind!
Janice: So, whos the lucky guy?
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers just after Monica has finished telling Chandler what happened.]
Chandler: Lie!!! How hard is that?! The checks in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I cant wait to read your book Ross!!
Chandler: What do you think shes just gonna sit there quietly? You dont think shes gonna want to make a toast? You dont think shes gonna want to grab the microphone and sing Part-time Lover?!
Monica: Oh my God, shes not gonna like the chicken that night either is she?!
Chandler: Yknow what? Its gonna be okay. Yknow what? Shes probably not gonna even want to come.
Joey: Hey! Whats up?
Joey: Hey-hey, whos your friend? (Erin turns around to face Joey, startling him) Hey!!
Joey: Why wouldnt ya? Erin is great! Then-then theres you guys.
Phoebe: Joey, shes so cool. She speaks four languages.
Rachel: Look Joey, come on shes so perfect for you! I mean shes sweet, she-she likes baseball, and she-she had two beers at lunch.
Joey: My beers?! Look you guys, shes a very nice girl. Okay? We had a good time, but I justI dont see it going anywhere.
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Ross: Great! Because people kept showing up, I think its like uh-a thing!
Rachel: Well now whats the rush?
Rachel: Well look whos here!
Erin: Whats wrong?
Joey: Whos birthday party?
Phoebe and Rachel: Allisons birthday party.
Phoebe and Rachel: 32. (Joeys not buying it.)
Joey: Yeah that really calms me down. And! We have so much in common! She loves sandwiches, sports, although she is a Met fan, not much of an issue now but if were ever to have kids, well thats a
Janice: Oh, what are you, stupid? Its been three hours.
Chandler: Well actually uh, there was something we wanted to tell you about the wedding. Um, its going to be a small ceremony. Uh, tiny! Were not even sure why were having it.
Monica: Its actually going to be just family.
Rachel: So hows it goin with Joey?
Erin: Look, hes a really great guy and I know that you really want this to work out, but I just dont see this having a future.
Erin: Im sorry I Its just theres no real spark.
Phoebe: Yeah, and maybe that youre a real (She says something in Italian, and it doesnt matter what she said. Its not important so I dont need everyone who speaks Italian telling me what she said.)
Erin: Yeah, lets go.
[Scene: The librarys Paleontology section, Ross is patrolling as a couple walks up.]
Ross: Oh-oh, youre-youre fellow scholars. What exactly were you looking for, hmm? Perhaps, (Grabs a book from the shelf behind him) perhaps Dr. Chester Stocks musings on the Smiledon Californicus?
Ross: Ah Ah Get out of here! (The couple retreats. Ross starts looking through the previously mentioned book as a beautiful woman walks into the section.) Uh, meeting someone? Or-or are you just here to brush up on Marions views on evolution?
Woman: Uh, actually I find Marions views far to progressionist.
Ross: I find Marions views far to progressionist.
Woman: Ross Geller, why do I know that name? Its uhWait! (Grabs his book off of the shelf.) Did you write this?
Joey: No-no-no-no-no! Its a surprise, but its gonna be tricky thought because she said she was gonna be pretty busy at work for a while.
Rachel: Jo-Joey, look honey we-we need to talk okay? Umm, I kinda got the feeling from her today that uh, shes not lookin for a serious relationship.
Rachel: Well, she told me. She said shes kinda a loner.
Joey: No hey Rach, its cool okay? Yknow Im a loner too! (Heads for his room.) Right?
(Theres a knock on the door and Janice enters.)
Janice: Please, its because otherwise I really dont know what I might do.
Janice: Okay, Im going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. (Makes some weird sound) Do you have a cat? Cause its already happening. (Makes a nasal sound) Do you hear that? (She keeps making the nasal sound.)
Monica: Thats right. Thats right. And that is why you cant stay here tonight. And probably why you shouldnt come to the wedding.
[Scene: The librarys Paleontology section, Ross is on patrol and stops a security guard through the stack of books.]
Ross: (to the guard) Dont sweat it, Ive got this section covered. Yeah, in fact Ive got this little baby (Turns on a mini-flashlight) to shine in peoples eye(The guard walks away)Okay, see you later.
Phoebe: He is! But hes getting divorcedRoss! Maybe you know him.
Monica: Oh-ho-ho, sweetie, sweetie, you gotta stop saying that, now. Its no big deal, its not even worth mentioning, you see we all do it all the time. See watch this, Ben, Ben, Ben. (goes over and starts hitting her head on the post) Ow, Monica bang! (does it again) Everybody bang. (repeats) Ben bang. (repeats) Rachel bang. (repeats) Bang, Rachel bang! Oh, isnt that fun?
Ross: I like this one. (Points to it.) It seems to say, "I love you and thats why I have to kill you."
Carol: Whats too much fun?
Joey: Thats right! And what are you not gonna do?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming home. As we walks through the door, and without looking up, he goes to throw his keys on the foosball table, only, its gone and the keys it the floor. He then looks up at an empty apartment; everything is gone except for the entertainment center and that ceramic dog. Even the food in the fridge!]
[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monicas bedroom in The One With All the Kips.]
Monica: Please, could you just try it for me? Come on, I used all my best stuff! I-I-I lit some candles. I put on some music. I used bath salts, plus bubble bath! And got you this little plastic Navy ship. So its a boy bath!
Joey: Its not that bad.
Joey: Whats up with Gene?
Rachel: Shes totally right! When we were together, you got all freaked out about Mark and there was nothing going on.
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler & Nina are locked in a passionate embrace. Someone knocks, so they hurriedly separate to stare out of the window. Chandlers boss opens the door.]
Sophie: Yknow why? Shes got the Christmas bonus list in there. I saw her working on it this morning.
Janice: Whats the matter? Is something wrong? Do you have to stay?
Rachel: No, hey, come on, if he asked you first, thats only fair. (leaves)
Chandler: Oh, I have to get married in James Bonds tux!
Ross: Yes, thats what I was going to ask, thank you.
Phoebe: If shes no fun, why do you want to date her at all?
Chandler: Because hes crazy. Okay? He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic.
Rachel: HEY!! Do you have to do that? Its Saturday!
Dr. Green: Hes Bobby Bobby?
The Singing Man: (singing, duh) Mornings here! Sunshine is here! The sky is clear, the mornings here! The mornings here!
(She escapes, fortunately so distracting Mr. Douglas, that he misses Chandlers expression of alarm & guilt.)
Rachel: Its okay! Its okay! It kicked once, itll kick again!
Ross: (to Rachel) But work comes first! (to Mark) Oh hey, but thats sad about you though, what happened? Burn out? Burn all out, did ya?
Joey: So the ah, plays pretty great, huh?
Rachel: No!! No! Hes not married, or involved, with anyone!
Ross: Ugh, shes saying good-bye to her uncle.
Phoebe: Thats too hard. Too hard!
Joey: Whats the game?! Whats the game?!
(She turns her head away and when shes not looking, Phoebe shakes her head and mouths, "No, Im not." Both Joey and Ross smile, look at each other, and then stop smiling.)
Rachel: Oh, now see thats a fancy but.
Chandler: Fine, lets do it.
Rachel: Phoebe, its okay. I like living with Joey.
Emily: Ohh, its a bit small.
(Its Rachels turn to open the door.)
Rachel: I know (she touches Emma’s head) but they’re just so beautiful! Oh, my God, I just pulled one out.
Joey: Hey, what happened to your fancy chefs jacket? (sees theres a burn spot on it)
Chandler: Oh, well, thats great!
Chandler: Oh yeah, then uh, what was Phoebes song about?
The Singing Man: (singing) Mornings here! The mornings here!
The Museum Official: Yes. Were very popular. Theres a two-year waiting list. Sorry! (She kinda storms out with the couple.)
Ross: Thats a good point. So uh, how long are you gonna punish him?
Monica: Chandler, thats like your fourth cup of coffee!
Rachel: Because, hes my friend.
Hooker: Uh, no. But I could pretend to strip, but thats gonna cost extra. Okay, heres the extras, handcuffs, spanking (Chandler grunts for her not to continue and Joey pulls him back into the kitchen.)
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if hes giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I cant do it. I cant do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.)
Ross: Whats wah-pah?
Monica: You know everything!! Oh wait, double or nothing. I bet you the baby is over seven pounds. (Phoebe isnt interested.) I bet you it has hair. (Shes still not interested.) I bet you its a girl.
Rachel: Oh, thats sweet.
Chandler: Its not something to be proud of, okay? You have to go to a sleep clinic!
Ross: What? Rach! Come on, thats terrible! Theyre uh theyre babies. Theyre-theyre all beautiful.
Rachel: Oh yeah, no, whats that?
Monica: I know that theres no hole there, I just really liked that picture.
[Scene: The beach house, Rachels bedroom. She is finishing up writing something as Ross walks through the door.]
Ross: Theres no or in mind. What is wrong with these pants?!!
Chandler: Its 6:00.
Chandler: Steps! (He opens the door to his apartment to Ross and Joey looking at the new Playboy) Slut! (Ross and Joey quickly hide the Playboy behind their backs. Chandler wonders into the girls apartment.) You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!
Rachel: Well, thats great.
Rachel: Ohh, here you are. I was looking for you before. Joshuas gone so you and Emily are free to go.
Joshua: Then uh, whats-whats this? (Shows her the real anti-theft device.)
Phoebe: Im not gonna right to you! Thats not real!
[Scene: Kathys apartment, Chandler is knocking on the door.]
Richard: Yeah hes no good. Do you ever (pause) think about me in a (pause) non-eye doctor way?
Chandler: (sees another rack) Well, whats the deal with these? These-these look nice.
Rachel: Ohhh well. Yknow what honey? The best thing to do to get over a guy is to start dating someone else. Oh! There is this great guy you will love at work named Bob! Hes a real up-and-comer in Human Resources.
Monica: Oh my God! Shes amazing. Oh, oh Im so glad you guys got drunk and had sex!
Rachel: Oh-oh, thats a risky little game!
Chandler: Its a big company, I dontif youI
Joey: Thats horrible! Well, you did the right thing man.
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Joey: (muffled by the mouth guard) Dude! I am trying to sleep! (Shrugs to say, "Whats up with that?")
Mr. Geller: Well, I dont know whats in the boxes down here, but I do know there are six or seven Easy Bake Ovens in the attic.
Joey: Everybodys doing stuff!
Phoebe: What-whats up?
Joey: (shocked) Thats mean! You really had me going there!
[Scene: Phoebe Sr.s house, theres a knock on the door.]
Ross: Okay, its not, its not.
Chloe: Thats so great for you guys!
Ross: No, please, please, um, its for a poor little girl who wants to go to Spacecamp more than anything in the world.
Monica: Hes in a different room! Hes really that loud?
Chandler: (entering, with Phoebes book.) Here you go Phoebe! Here you go Phobo! Phewbedo! Phaybobo.
Tommy: Ice coffee? Tell me its ice coffee!
Joey: Shes right in there. (motions to the living room)
Rachel: (entering) Hey guys! Whats up?
Rachel: Whats this? Is this Rosss wedding invitation?
Phoebe: Oh, this is terrible. Oh, theyve made so many changes I cant even feel my grandmothers presence anymoreOoh! New sconces!
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, you could dance real good with her, shes the same size as me.
Chandler: (showing her the pictures) Heres a picture of Ross. (Shows another one.) And thats me. (Another one.) And thats me and Ross. (Another one.) Oh-ho, that is a picture of our first kiss as a married couple.
Allesandro: Hey! Im proud of that sauce, its delicious.
Rachel: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monicas photo albums, I mean you dont do that if youre just in it for two weeks.
C.H.E.E.S.E: Oh yeah? Well then how come I cant get my VCR to stop blinking 12:00?
Monica: Emilys straight.
[Scene: Rachels Outer Office, shes returning from lunch to see Tag not doing his sit-ups.]
Chandler: Hes right. Nobodys gonna benefit, and youre just gonna hurt her.
Chandler: Oh yeah, its beautiful country up there.
{Transcribers Note: For further reading on the above story, please check out The One Where Joey Moves Out.}
Mr. Zelner: Yeah, its not like I dont have a sense of humor, huh? Hell, I even enjoy a naughty limerick now and then. But theres a time and a place, huh?! Unless you uh, have a limerick right now? (They both nod no.) No? Okay, well uh, youve (Grabs the chocolates.) got my fax number. (Exits.)
Ross: Chloe, Chloe hows it coming?!!
Ross: (entering) Hey! Has anyone seen my shirt? Its a button down, like a, like a faded salmon?