words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.]
(She storms off)
Phoebe: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower.
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
Ross: Y'see, that's where you're wrong. Why would I marry her if I thought on any level thatthat she was a lesbian?
Rachel: Perfect. Fasten your seatbelts, it's peepee time. (She goes into Joey and Chandler's apartment, where Mr. Tribbiani is reading the paper) Hey, Mr. Trib.
(She opens the door and whips back the curtain. It's Joey. They both scream)
Mrs. Tribbiani: Why did you have to fill your father's head with all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the way they were! There's chicken in there, put it away. For God's sake, Joey, really. (She gives the sofabed a tiny push and it folds away)
Joey: Yeah. You're ten times prettier than she is.
Roger: Aaaah, what's wrong, c'mon. (Pats his leg. She lies down and rests her head in his lap)
Joey: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today.
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door)
(She whips back the curtain to reveal Joey's dad)
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh! ...Hello, dear. (She whips the curtain shut in horror)
Monica: Did she really say that?
Phoebe: Oh, en chante. (She holds out her hand for him to kiss it, but he only shakes it.)
(Shes interrupted by a loud crash and the sound of braking dishes. Followed quickly by another crash. Everyone turns and looks at the back room, as Gunther emerges.)
(She hangs up.)
Chandler: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.
Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: She didnt pass.
Rachel: Well, itd better not be about the apartment pants, because I just pitched the idea to my boss at Ralph Lauren and she loved it.
Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: No, shes hanging in there.
Rachel: So shes really not dead.
Joey: She is?
Ross: Something couldve happened. All right? She-she really dug my slides. And-and she was definitely giving me the vibe.
Ross: Hi. How is she?
Mr. Burgin: I like her. She sees smart.
CHAN: My diary! My diary, that's brilliant. I should have told her it was my diary, she never would have made me read her my diary.
Ursula: Oh! Okay, so thats why youre (Motions to what shes wearing.)
Monica: Maybe I do! Im pretty feisty! (She blows the signal.)
Ross: Ah, its good. Its going good. I mean, we get along great. Shes, shes so
(They kiss and she starts to leave.)
Chandler: Shes okay with Rachel and the baby?
Rachel: Oh you missed it. She was laughing. Oh it was amazing. It was amazing. It was the most beautiful, beautiful sound that...
(She is rubbing his chest and her voice trails off into silence, a long pause follows.)
Ross: Well how much time before she absolutely has to start getting ready?
Rachel: Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there?
Chandler: So shes a
Monica: Soon! I-I just couldnt before. You saw how upset Joey got! I couldnt do that to her, shes my best friend!
Joey: Why-why would she go in the bedroom?
Chandler: I was just at the bank, and there was this really hot teller, and she didnt ask me to go do it with her in the vault.
Chandler: Why would she do that?
Monica: Ill get everybody else (Does so), finally we can start celebrating my(She gasps and is stopped by the sight of Ross and Rachel making out in the hall.) Im sorry, uh apparently Ive opened the door to the past.
Chandler: Its not just that shes cute, okay. Its just that... shes really really cute.
Monica: She was like 30, dark hair, attractive.
MNCA: She's just upset because she, uh, she buttered a spider into her toast this morning.
Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!
Stu: No, shes a hooker.
Rachel: Yes! (She gets up and sets the phone on the counter without hanging it up.) Bye daddy. (Phoebe and her leave.)
Phoebe: Cause youre still into Monica. So you told her there was somebody else so she would agree to work with you, so cause you figure oh if you spent a lot of time together, maybe something might happen, and...
Joey: She is?
Phoebe: I can hear traffic and birds! I can hear the voices in my head again! (Monica looks at her strangely) Im kidding. (She smiles wickedly.)
Ross: No need to point, she knows who Ross is.
Rachel: Yeah, my mom got my dads season tickets in the divorce, so she just gave them to me.
Phoebe: Because my psychic is dead! She mustve read the cards wrong!
Ross: Hey! She didnt look 50!
Ross: She didnt photograph well!
Stripper: All right, whenever youre ready. (She goes into the bedroom.)
Chandler: Did she look 16?
Monica: So, did you play in college? (She points to his NYU Soccer (football for the rest of the world) sweatshirt he's wearing.)
Monica: Didnt she walk with a cane?
Rachel: Shes right.
Rachel: Phoebe?! Wait abut-but she just, she said that Joey was her backup.
Amy: Hey you know what, this kid needs me, okay? She needs to have a cool fun aunt!
Ursula: Yeah, no were not thirty. Were 31. Okay. (She closes the door.)
Joey: She took em!
Monica: Shes leaving for three months.
(She goes over and lets Phoebe bounce in wearing her own wedding dress.)
Phoebe: I brought a bunch of stuff for the house, so check it out. Ha-ha. (She removes this large ceramic dog that comes up to the second floor and places it next to the house.)
Ross: Yeah but Pottery Barn! Yknow what I think? Its just she-shes weird. Yknow its because shes a twin. Twins are weird.
Rachel: (answering the phone) Hello? (listens) Yeah, this is she. (listens) Oh! Youre kidding! Youre kidding! (listens) Oh thank you! I love you!
Mike: All right, stop! You know, all Phoebe has done tonight is trying to get you to like her. And maybe that hasn't been clear all the time, but she did her best. And yeah... She's a little different than you are...
Monica: Yes? (jumping as Rachel punches her arm) ..yes, she is.
Monica: Cowboy boots? I've never worn cowboy boots in my whole life! (she turns on the video again)
Ross: Well, Im gonna go see her. I want to bring her something, what do you think shell like?
[She closes the door in his face. Ross walks sullenly back to the couch and sits down. A moment of silence ensues.]
Chandler: Well, she probably wasnt familiar with the process having spent most of her life sitting for oil paintings!
Phoebe: Oh, I know, we should have been more prepared. (she looks around) It's okay. Now, the way I see it, our real competition now is Cameron. Oh my God, they just took her sweater off. Look at those arms! Hello Michelin Man.
Ross: What?! While shes been going through this hell, youve been making money?! Youre betting on your friend staying in this misery?! (Phoebe lowers her head and shakes it yes.)
Joey: Well uh, she didnt want to hang out with you guys two nights in a row. Im so sorry.
Rachel: Thank you. (She sets it on the floor and is about to stomp on it with her shoe when the rest of the gang jumps up and yells simultaneously.) What? (They all yell again.) You dont want to see this do you?
Ross: Mm-hmm. Shesshes emotional, but, but ballsy.
Phoebe: Earl, youre not hearing me! All Im saying is that youre not alone all right? Everybody hates the people they work with! (One of her coworkers overhears that, and she mimes that she didnt mean him.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is debriefing Rachel on her rejection earlier that day and telling her what she shouldve done. Ross and Phoebe are watching.]
Phoebe: (sitting down next to Ross) Yknow she has a face Ross!
Ross: A date?! Shes-shes got a date?! With who?
(She opens the door and Rachel hides behind it.)
Phoebe: Yeah, she turned you into this-this-this untrusting, crazy, jealous, sycophant. (They all look at her.) All right, so I dont know what sycophant means, but the rest is right.
Joey: It's not right what Emily wants you to do! She is totally-(The gang enters behind Joey and Phoebe pinches him again.)-Owww!! Stop pinching me! Look, now you guys said I only had to keep my mouth shut as long as Ross was happy, right? Well he just told me that he's not entirely happy.
Ross: Monica! (She appears, not sure why she was summoned.)
Monica: Oh. (She goes into the bathroom.) Whats wrong?
Rachel: (grabbing Phoebe) Okay. Well be right back. (They go into her office and she closes the door.)
Phoebe: No, okay, youre right. Youre easy-going. Youre just not as easy-going as Rachel. Shes just more flexible and-and mellow. Thats all.
Ross: No, wait ! You guys, no, no, you can't leave! Rachel already feels bad that the cake's messed up. How do you think she's gonna feel when she comes back here and all you guys are gone?
Ross: Shes not a Tribbiani?
Phoebe: Yeah, okay. Hey, wait. Do you know what kind of birth control she was using?
Chandler: No, Beth doesnt die, she doesnt die. Does she Rachel?
Joey: (slowly turning and glaring at her) Shes not even cold yet!
Ross: I think shes lonely.
Mona: Seriously, what is she doing?
Ross: Well, uh, does she like you?
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Umm, could-could I get a copy of that? Cause Carol threw it out, she lost ours. Shes such a scatterbrain, but man what a hot piece of ass.
CHANDLER: Oh no no no, she's a total wack job. Yeah, she thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Remore.
Monica: Shes right of course not. Honey, get the tape.
Joey: (smiling) I don't know. This little, old lady lives for my career. When they dumped me off of Days of Our Lives she almost died.
Rachel: (thinking) Hmm maybe it starts with how she gets pregnant.
Rachel: Yeah. (She goes out to join her in the hall and starts looking for the dropped socks.)
RACHEL: Oh shoot.� I forgot to pay Phoebe for the drinks.� (She exits to the hallway and closes the door behind her.)� Wait, wait.� Sorry.� Did he call?� Did that guy call?
Chandler: I don't see it that way. Okay? Because, I see two Monicas, the one that was my friend, who lived across the hall, and wanted to have a lot of babies and then the new Monica, who I just started to date. Now, who's to say what she wants?! Im right. I'm right. Am I right?
(She starts to go and get the coffee and falls behind the counter.)
Joey: But what if uhand Im not saying she will beBut
Ross: If she is where you are then uh then my feeling weird about it shouldnt stand in the way.
Phoebe: Oh no, I dont believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. (Shes pinching the bit of skin between her right thumb and forefinger with her left hand.) Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. (Takes the pills.)
Rachel: No-no Ph-Ph-Ph-Ph (She starts laughing.)