words in movies
[Scene: The Wedding Chapel, continued from last season. Chandler and Monica are about to get married.]
(Suddenly the doors burst open, and ROSS AND RACHEL COME OUT ARM-IN-ARM!!!!! And Rachel's carrying a bouquet!!! THEY GOT MARRIED!!!!)
(They storm out into the street.)
(She goes one way; he goes the other. The camera pans back to Chandler and Monica, and needless to say, they're standing there dumbstruck.)
Phoebe: Okay! Okay! Okay! (They run into the chapel.)
(Phoebe and Joey run back out and head towards the street.)
Attendant: (scolding them) N-No running in the chapel!
Phoebe: Well, maybe you wouldnt have had you (turns to the attendant) run in the chapel!
Phoebe: Whats the big deal, yknow? Its not like its a real marriage.
{Transcibers note: In case you havent heard, Courteney Cox got married to David Arquette during hiatus and changed her name to Courteney Cox Arquette. But David was a busy boy during the off season for not only did he marry but everyone else as well. For theyre all listed as Jennifer Aniston Arquette, Lisa Kudrow Arquette, in an interesting twist Matt LeBlanc Arquette, Matthew Perry Arquette, David Schwimmer Arquette, and even the creators of the show are now David Crane Arquette and Marta Kauffman Arquette. I just wonder what the new sleeping arrangements are }
Rachel: Ohhh! (Looks in the mirror and sees that she still has her mustache and groans.)
Ross: (getting up) Tell me about it. (He sits up on the edge of the bed and has "Just Married" written on his back.)
[Scene: The breakfast buffet, Phoebe is already sitting at the table as Joey enters.]
Joey: I dont want to drive all the way back by myself, I get so lonely. (Gets an idea.) Ohooh! How about you come with me?
Joey: Where is the waitress?! Im starving!
Joey: Oh, heres where I win all my money back! (Gets up and heads for the buffet table with Chandler in tow.)
Joey: Girls say it to me all the time! And believe me, if shes anything like me, shes just gonna be relieved.
[Pan to Monica and Phoebe having the same conversation.]
The Girls: Hey!
Rachel: (To Ross) I dont know. (To the gang.) What do you mean last night? Nothing, nothing uh, happened last night.
Chandler: Well, I think, I think, Ross already has one. Now, this ones free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so the third ones free.
Ross: Laugh it up, but the jokes on you. Because we dont need to get divorced, okay? We were just gonna get an annulment.
Joey: An annulment? Ross! I dont think surgerys the answer here.
Phoebe: Youre thing. Youre thing. Yknow? Youre the guy who gets divorced.
[Scene: The casino floor, Chandler and Monica are walking through it.]
Chandler: So where are we on the whole going back to the place where they have all the marriages thing? I love you.
Monica: Thats a good question. Look umm, last night we let the dice decide. Maybe we should leave it up to fate again. I love you!
Chandler: Yes, we dont get married unless theres a sign! Okay, so say uh, say you roll another eight (motions to the craps table) then theres a definite sign that we should get married.
Monica: Okay. (They approach the craps table.)
(Monica rolls the dice.)
Chandler: Thats right! It was the wrong kind of eight, no wedding! Damnit!
Chandler: Yeah. (They go pack.) Were doing the right thing, right?
Monica: Ohh, of course we are! (They walk up to the elevators.) We left it up to fate. (Pushes the elevator button.) If we were supposed to get married there would be a clear-cut sign. (The elevator door opens to a priest reading from a bible with Chandler and Monica standing side-by-side holding each others hands.)
Phoebe: Well, you promised me a fun road trip! Weve been on the road six hours and youve been asleep for five and a half! We are switching at the next rest stop and you are going to drive all the way back! That will be your punishment, you greedy sleeper!
Phoebe: Yeah! And until then you are going to sing to me because the radios broken and you are selfish but have a nice voice.
[Time lapse, Phoebe is still asleep only Joey is now passed out next to her and the cars still moving. She wakes up, sees Joey, and screams.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the couch as Ross enters.]
Ross: Okay, look, how is this gonna affect you? Really? I mean you fill some form out once and a while and instead of checking the box that says Ms you check the box that says Mrs.! Its right next to it!
Rachel: Ohh, okay, Im sorry. Youre right. Yknow what? We absolutely can stay married, because I was under the impression that the boxes were far away from each other. All right, look, just please, take a moment here and think about what youre asking of me.
{Note: Does anyone else want to smack Ross right about now? Raise your hands. Okay, put them down before you stink out the person next to you.}
[Scene: The hallway, Chandler is helping Monica to the door.]
Monica: That kid really kicked me hard on the plane.
Chandler: Well, I told you not to walk. Here. (Picks her up.) There. Okay. (He opens the door, carries her across the threshold, stops, backs out, and lets go of Monica who is only holding on by his neck.)
[Scene: Phoebes cab, shes driving, Joeys in the back seat, and the hitchhiker is riding up front with Phoebe.]
Phoebe: (To Joey) How could you pick up a hitchhiker?! He could be a rape(She holds her hand in front of the hitchhikers face), a rapist or a killer or something!
Phoebe: Yknow what? Im not talking to you! You go back to sleep! (To the hitchhiker) And you, are you a rapist?!
Hitchhiker: Yeah, yknow the license plate game?
Phoebe: I love the license plate game!
Phoebe: No-No! You need your sleep. Night-night! Shh! (She closes the partition.)
Ross: Listen, I know you wanted to talk to me, but I have an idea that may make you want to stay married. (Rachel shakes her head.) We register, and you get to keep all the presents!
Rachel: (thinks about it for a second) No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.
Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! This is not, this is not a marriage!! This is the worlds worst hangover! Ross, listen, if you do not get this annulment, I will!
[Scene: Phoebes cab, its the same arrangement as before.]
Hitchhiker: Wait! Wait! There is the train station!
Phoebe: And I have your name and the fact that youre a drifter, so the balls pretty much in your court.
Joey: That is incredible! You are the master!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are there and Rachel is arranging a bouquet of flowers, pricks her finger on a thorn, throws the bouquet over her head, and those you who are quicker than some already know that Monica is the one who catches it.]
Rachel: Huh, thats funny. You look like youre gonna be the
Chandler: All right, should we just, should we just get married? Yknow? I mean should we just do it? All the signs are telling us to do it.
Monica: Im sick of the signs! Its too fast, Im happy the way things are!
Monica: All right then, then nothing changes! Everything is great! Everything stays the same! And you go unpack because its been three days and its driving me insane!
Monica: Then youd be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesnt make any sense.
(And the crowd goes wild! Well, at least the live studio audience.)
Chandler: The door hasnt been locked in five years, but okay! (Runs out.) Ready?!
Chandler: Okay, a little problem. The key broke in the lock and I cant get in!
Chandler: Are you hugging the door right now.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are on the couch as Ross enters.]
Rachel: Hey, so did everything go all right with the annulment?
Ross: I didnt get the annulment.
[Scene: The hallway, Joey is coming up the stairs and sees Chandler trying to open the lock.]
Chandler: The keys stuck in the lock.
Joey: I can fix it. Hold on. (He goes and gets a screwdriver from his apartment) Look out. Look out. (Pries at the door a little bit.)
Chandler: (trying the handle) It still doesnt work.
(Joey goes back into the apartment, runs back into the hallway, throws his shoulder against the door, and knocks it down off its hinges.)
Chandler: Nice job Joe! Youre quite the craftsmen.
(Joey pats him on the stomach and heads to bed.)
Monica: He says he wants to leave the country. (Pause) He thinks you hate him.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Chandler are eating the cheesecake right out of the box.]
Phoebe: What? You know about the plate thing?
(Rachel enters from the main door)
Chandler: Hey listen, for the first four years of my work everybody called me Sha-la-lap. (Awkward silence ensues.) Seriously.
Chandler: No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy whos going like this (Makes what can only be described as a toothy frown. Henceforth, this shall be known as The Face.)
Tommy: Ooh, I dont know. Probably the smell of freshly cut grass.
Phoebe: Well, I still think that it’s a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her! And if you need to, just get an extra plate of fries for the table!
Mona: Yeah, you still have feelings for me. And-and to be honest, I-I still have feelings for you. And I wish that we can work it out Ross, but we cant. Its too complicated with you and Rachel and the baby, I-I just It just wasnt meant to be.
Chandler: Yes, but the coffee table doesn't match the...blahebdmsdlkhdyslkd;btyds...Rooosss!!!!
Chandler: You know what just occurred to me? This could be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I mean, we could be getting a baby soon!
(Camera goes to Joey. The clock is at 20 sec. The word "Legislature" appears. He looks at it blank faced and his eyes shift between Henrietta and his screen)
Monica: (naughty in doorway) Welcome home. I�ve missed you. join me in the bedroom?
Chandler: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor!
Monica: Come on Phoebe, lets go! Come on, its time to get serious, huddle up. Joey, keep your head in the game.
(The agency guy enters the room)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching football, and its actually the right game Green Bay at Detroit (although not this years), as Monica is getting everything ready.]
Monica: All right. But umm, I-I-Ill pay you back all the money you invested, and you can keep the van.
Joey: No dude, you gotta hold your breath until youre ready to answer the question.
Joey: Oh, I like that, yeah. Wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency.
Ross: You know what the best part about this is? I can never be fired.
Joey: I think were not wearing the same shirt anymore!!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is there talking to the chick and duck.]
(Monica pushes play and The Way You Look Tonight starts to play.)
Joey: Here, I brought you some flowers. (He pulls them out of the bag.)
Chandler: Look, I understand, but I have to put my foot down. Okay? The answer is no.
Ross: It came in the mail today, it's uh, 72 long-stemmed red roses, one for each day that I've known and loved Emily, cut up into mulch!
[Scene: A Street, Ross walks past Tag wearing the same red sweater.]
Joey: Oh. Maybe. But hey I know how I can find out. Were going to a New Years Eve party, right? So at midnight, I can kiss her. And if she kisses me back, great! Yknow? But if she says Dude, what the hell are you doing? I can say It wasnt me, it was New Years!
Rachel: Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot and uh, (points to Rosss seat.) he will have a white wine spritzer. Woo! (Looks out the window.) Hey, look at that, the airports moving. (Realizes that thats not how it works.) Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? Hey, time-out, umm, yeah, does the captain know that were moving? (Sits back in defeat.) Oh my God. Oh, my gosh.
Bitsy: By the way, do you know who's moving back into town? Tom and Sue's daughter Jen.
Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?
[Sequence 5: Monica hands the ball off to Phoebe, who runs up field and delivers a fore-arm shiver to Chandler, knocking him over and scores the touchdown, and she yells...]
Waiter: A garden salad for the lady (sets the plate down)
Big Nosed Rachel: Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! (Walks into the living room and greets Monica's parents.) Hi!
Rachel: Monica look! Look-look-look! Here is that table that I ordered. (Shows her the picture.)
Phoebe: Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! (She bangs on the cabs roof and it pulls away.) (To Ross) You didnt get the annulment?!!
Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.
Sarah: What? what is the matter with you?
Ross: Yeah. He wouldn't give me the grant, because I wouldn't give you up.
Ross: Hey, what do you say we celebrate? Champagne? (he goes to get the champagne)
Monica: What we did was wrong. Oh god, I just had sex with somebody that wasn't alive during the Bicentennial.
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Phoebe enters the room.]
(Monica screams, throws the mouse down, and rubs her hands on Rosss sweater to clean them.)
Joey: (to the torte) Stop staring at me!
Monica: Yeah, but the important thing to know about us, is how much we would care for this little baby. (holds up the sonogram)
(Monica does a fake laugh. For the laughs, you'll have to see the episode. I can't describe them.)
Joey: Okay fine! Im a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good, Ill show ya!
Phoebe: (likes the jacket) No, but I like it. I think I left one of my rat babies.
Chandler: What are you talking about? The couch is perfectly in line with the carpet. And then I can just walk over here and casually just put my feet right up on the...(Tries to rest his feet on the coffee table but they won't reach) OK, OK, here's what we do, we just uh, move the couch closer to the coffee table.
Monica: But we were hoping that since we told you the truth that you still might consider...
Ross: And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.
Phoebe: Yeah. Thats what you really want. Yeah, I dont want to be the reason youre unhappy, that would just make me unhappy, and I really dont want to be the reason Im unhappy.
Chandler: I stole Monicas and changed the name.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Hey, can I ask you a question? Was it me, or-or was the guy who took my blood sample really cute? Yknow who Im talking about, bald haircut, hairy fingers (Stops when she realizes it was her.)
Danny: so we finally get to the top of the mountain and airhead here (His sister) forgets the camera!
Ross: No, you guys, I mean my keyboards are all the way up inNo, yeah, okay. (Runs out.)
Ross: Well, looks like it's just the two of us tonight, huh old buddy?
Joey: Hey! You hold on pal! Now you made my friend, Rachel, cry. So now, youre gonna go up there and apologize to her, unless you want me to call the landlord.
Ross: Weird.. your psychic didn't mention anything about the scary pigeon...
(Ross puts the piece back on the plate)
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, with the giant entertainment center Joey is exiting from his room.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are sitting around the kitchen table as Ross enters.]
Ross: Well, Im gonna go get these (the floral bouquet he walked in with) in some water.
Chandler: (in the high pitched voice) What?! (Normal voice) I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of our secrets.
Joey: Yeah! (Chandler bangs the table in frustration.)
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo, and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence, I never thought I'd say.
Chandler: (picking up the phone) Hello.
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Chandler enters the door.]
[Scene: Rachels office, Joannas telling Rachel, her side of the story.]
Phoebe: I brought a bunch of stuff for the house, so check it out. Ha-ha. (She removes this large ceramic dog that comes up to the second floor and places it next to the house.)
Chandler: Oh, uhm... I have to work too. Yeah, I'm stuck at the office all day.
Monica: Im fine now, but it was really scary there for a while. I mean, someone slipped a-a threatening note under the door.
Chandler: I was in the car with Nancy all day.
[Fade to Black, then fade in again with Ross stopped at the doorway.]
Monica: Don’t you love the huge yard?
[Scene: later the bridesmaids and ushers are getting ready to start, Ross is looking for Rachel]
Ross: I know, and with the baby coming?
Chandler: (very seriously) That's really not the kind of thing we are looking for Zack.
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)
ERICA: I'll never forget you Hans. [Joey shuts the door in her face]
Cecilia: Oh that explains all the womens underwear.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is holding the cat, Monica is treating the scratches on Ross' back. Joey is holding the menorah over the wound.]
The Photographer: (taking pictures) Great! Thats great Monica! Great! Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?
Monica: Ok listen, you go down to the pool and reserve the chairs, and I'll get the magazines and the lotion.
Rachel: Hey! Well, I had to give the kid fifty bucks to stop crying.
Joey: What the hell are you doin'?
Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door)
(from 1.07 - "The One With The Blackout")
(from 1.18 - "The One With All the Poker")
(from 3.09 - "The One With All the Football")
Joey: I gotta get the before shot!
The Guys: We will. (they don’t move)
Colleen: It's pretty much all the information you need.
(from 5.08 - "The One With the Thanksgiving Flashbacks")
Chandler: If you win, we give up the birds.
Ross: Don’t blame the questions!
(from 5.15 - "The One With The Girl Who Hits Joey")
Chandler: Hey. (He sees that Ross is packing all of the hotel toiletries) Soaps? Shampoos? Are you really taking all this stuff?
[Scene: The Charity Event, theyre holding a silent auction, Rachel is looking at one of the items and Phoebe walks up and hands her a glass of wine.]