words in movies
[Scene: The Wedding Chapel, continued from last season. Chandler and Monica are about to get married.]
(Suddenly the doors burst open, and ROSS AND RACHEL COME OUT ARM-IN-ARM!!!!! And Rachel's carrying a bouquet!!! THEY GOT MARRIED!!!!)
(They storm out into the street.)
(She goes one way; he goes the other. The camera pans back to Chandler and Monica, and needless to say, they're standing there dumbstruck.)
Phoebe: Okay! Okay! Okay! (They run into the chapel.)
(Phoebe and Joey run back out and head towards the street.)
Attendant: (scolding them) N-No running in the chapel!
Phoebe: Well, maybe you wouldnt have had you (turns to the attendant) run in the chapel!
Phoebe: Whats the big deal, yknow? Its not like its a real marriage.
{Transcibers note: In case you havent heard, Courteney Cox got married to David Arquette during hiatus and changed her name to Courteney Cox Arquette. But David was a busy boy during the off season for not only did he marry but everyone else as well. For theyre all listed as Jennifer Aniston Arquette, Lisa Kudrow Arquette, in an interesting twist Matt LeBlanc Arquette, Matthew Perry Arquette, David Schwimmer Arquette, and even the creators of the show are now David Crane Arquette and Marta Kauffman Arquette. I just wonder what the new sleeping arrangements are }
Rachel: Ohhh! (Looks in the mirror and sees that she still has her mustache and groans.)
Ross: (getting up) Tell me about it. (He sits up on the edge of the bed and has "Just Married" written on his back.)
[Scene: The breakfast buffet, Phoebe is already sitting at the table as Joey enters.]
Joey: I dont want to drive all the way back by myself, I get so lonely. (Gets an idea.) Ohooh! How about you come with me?
Joey: Where is the waitress?! Im starving!
Joey: Oh, heres where I win all my money back! (Gets up and heads for the buffet table with Chandler in tow.)
Joey: Girls say it to me all the time! And believe me, if shes anything like me, shes just gonna be relieved.
[Pan to Monica and Phoebe having the same conversation.]
The Girls: Hey!
Rachel: (To Ross) I dont know. (To the gang.) What do you mean last night? Nothing, nothing uh, happened last night.
Chandler: Well, I think, I think, Ross already has one. Now, this ones free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so the third ones free.
Ross: Laugh it up, but the jokes on you. Because we dont need to get divorced, okay? We were just gonna get an annulment.
Joey: An annulment? Ross! I dont think surgerys the answer here.
Phoebe: Youre thing. Youre thing. Yknow? Youre the guy who gets divorced.
[Scene: The casino floor, Chandler and Monica are walking through it.]
Chandler: So where are we on the whole going back to the place where they have all the marriages thing? I love you.
Monica: Thats a good question. Look umm, last night we let the dice decide. Maybe we should leave it up to fate again. I love you!
Chandler: Yes, we dont get married unless theres a sign! Okay, so say uh, say you roll another eight (motions to the craps table) then theres a definite sign that we should get married.
Monica: Okay. (They approach the craps table.)
(Monica rolls the dice.)
Chandler: Thats right! It was the wrong kind of eight, no wedding! Damnit!
Chandler: Yeah. (They go pack.) Were doing the right thing, right?
Monica: Ohh, of course we are! (They walk up to the elevators.) We left it up to fate. (Pushes the elevator button.) If we were supposed to get married there would be a clear-cut sign. (The elevator door opens to a priest reading from a bible with Chandler and Monica standing side-by-side holding each others hands.)
Phoebe: Well, you promised me a fun road trip! Weve been on the road six hours and youve been asleep for five and a half! We are switching at the next rest stop and you are going to drive all the way back! That will be your punishment, you greedy sleeper!
Phoebe: Yeah! And until then you are going to sing to me because the radios broken and you are selfish but have a nice voice.
[Time lapse, Phoebe is still asleep only Joey is now passed out next to her and the cars still moving. She wakes up, sees Joey, and screams.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the couch as Ross enters.]
Ross: Okay, look, how is this gonna affect you? Really? I mean you fill some form out once and a while and instead of checking the box that says Ms you check the box that says Mrs.! Its right next to it!
Rachel: Ohh, okay, Im sorry. Youre right. Yknow what? We absolutely can stay married, because I was under the impression that the boxes were far away from each other. All right, look, just please, take a moment here and think about what youre asking of me.
{Note: Does anyone else want to smack Ross right about now? Raise your hands. Okay, put them down before you stink out the person next to you.}
[Scene: The hallway, Chandler is helping Monica to the door.]
Monica: That kid really kicked me hard on the plane.
Chandler: Well, I told you not to walk. Here. (Picks her up.) There. Okay. (He opens the door, carries her across the threshold, stops, backs out, and lets go of Monica who is only holding on by his neck.)
[Scene: Phoebes cab, shes driving, Joeys in the back seat, and the hitchhiker is riding up front with Phoebe.]
Phoebe: (To Joey) How could you pick up a hitchhiker?! He could be a rape(She holds her hand in front of the hitchhikers face), a rapist or a killer or something!
Phoebe: Yknow what? Im not talking to you! You go back to sleep! (To the hitchhiker) And you, are you a rapist?!
Hitchhiker: Yeah, yknow the license plate game?
Phoebe: I love the license plate game!
Phoebe: No-No! You need your sleep. Night-night! Shh! (She closes the partition.)
Ross: Listen, I know you wanted to talk to me, but I have an idea that may make you want to stay married. (Rachel shakes her head.) We register, and you get to keep all the presents!
Rachel: (thinks about it for a second) No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.
Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! This is not, this is not a marriage!! This is the worlds worst hangover! Ross, listen, if you do not get this annulment, I will!
[Scene: Phoebes cab, its the same arrangement as before.]
Hitchhiker: Wait! Wait! There is the train station!
Phoebe: And I have your name and the fact that youre a drifter, so the balls pretty much in your court.
Joey: That is incredible! You are the master!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are there and Rachel is arranging a bouquet of flowers, pricks her finger on a thorn, throws the bouquet over her head, and those you who are quicker than some already know that Monica is the one who catches it.]
Rachel: Huh, thats funny. You look like youre gonna be the
Chandler: All right, should we just, should we just get married? Yknow? I mean should we just do it? All the signs are telling us to do it.
Monica: Im sick of the signs! Its too fast, Im happy the way things are!
Monica: All right then, then nothing changes! Everything is great! Everything stays the same! And you go unpack because its been three days and its driving me insane!
Monica: Then youd be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesnt make any sense.
(And the crowd goes wild! Well, at least the live studio audience.)
Chandler: The door hasnt been locked in five years, but okay! (Runs out.) Ready?!
Chandler: Okay, a little problem. The key broke in the lock and I cant get in!
Chandler: Are you hugging the door right now.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are on the couch as Ross enters.]
Rachel: Hey, so did everything go all right with the annulment?
Ross: I didnt get the annulment.
[Scene: The hallway, Joey is coming up the stairs and sees Chandler trying to open the lock.]
Chandler: The keys stuck in the lock.
Joey: I can fix it. Hold on. (He goes and gets a screwdriver from his apartment) Look out. Look out. (Pries at the door a little bit.)
Chandler: (trying the handle) It still doesnt work.
(Joey goes back into the apartment, runs back into the hallway, throws his shoulder against the door, and knocks it down off its hinges.)
Chandler: Nice job Joe! Youre quite the craftsmen.
(Joey pats him on the stomach and heads to bed.)
Rachel: Oh er... well you know Emma started crawling? I realised that this place, is very unsafe for a baby. So I went to the store and got some stuff to baby-proof the apartment.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is telling Monica what the casting director was trying to get too.]
Mike: At one point near the end she deliberately defecated.....
Phoebe: Speaking of Christmas, umm since Monica and I are starting a new business and have like no money, umm, this year maybe we could do secret Santa, and then we each only buy one gift. And-and theres the added mystery of who gets who.
Caitlin: The guy with the gas?!
Monica: Hey! Do you think that we can get to the subway right there if we climb down through the manhole cover?
Ross: Oh yeah! Then how come you didnt get the Geller Cup?
The Potential Roommate: Fight.
Chandler: That's great. (To Monica.) Can I see the book?
JOEY: It just seems so futile, you know ? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.
Monica: What about these? These look the same?
Phoebe: Right! Never! Never! I swear! (They kiss... The door opens and David comes in again.)
Ross: (Holding him back.)Dad, dad, please. Look I dont want anything to upset Emily tonight. Alright, she's had a hard enough couple of days as it is. (Picks up the bill.) Now here, here, let me go talk to him, okay?
Ross: Rach! Wait! The men's room is that way. (Points in the other direction. Rachel hits him with her purse and heads for the ladies room.)
Joey: So youre playing a little Playstation, huh? Thats whack! Playstation is whack! Sup with the whack Playstation, sup?! Huh? Come on, am I 19 or what?!
Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?
(Rachel slowly leaves the apartment.)
Ross: It's theChandler!!
Frank: See the thing is umm, were not able to yknow, uh, conceive.
Eric: Hi, its Eric. From the Halloween party, Ursulas fianc�e.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Rachel are entering with the rest of the gang already inside.]
[Cut to Rachel listening to a phone conversation between Chandler and Monica in The One With All the Resolutions.]
Phoebe: God, what a mess. (She grabs the bowl and heads for Monicas.)
[Scene: The hotel, Rosss room, Emily is entering.]
Rachel: I know. (Hugs him more violently this time and pushes him back away from the letter.)
[Scene: Phoebes Herbal Guys office, Ross is there about his thing. Ross is looking around the exam room, and he goes over to a large bank of drawers, pulls one out and almost spills it as the herbalist, Guru Saj, enters.]
Rachel: Ugh, horrible! I did the stupidest, most embarrassing thing!
Rachel: Cos I was gonna say theres no way you couldve done the end the way you guys did it back then!
Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a note!
Phoebe: All right, the seven of us miss you.
Rachel: No, she left a message. (He starts for the machine.) (Stopping him.) But it-it kinda got erased. There's just (Pause) something wrong with your machine.
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah. Well maybe you have heard about the Rent Stabilization Act of 1968!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's unpacking after moving in. There's a knock on the door and he answers it.]
(The phone rings.)
Rachel: Hey, yknow what? Youre the one who wants to make this big change and move in with Chandler! You should be the one to go! Why should I have to leave?!
Phoebe: Youre the cook! With out you its just me driving up to peoples houses with empty trays and asking for money!
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant, Ross and Carol are talking. Kristin is not there.]
Rachel: (watching a television where the scene is shown, startled) OH!
Chandler: Treasure of the Sierra Madre!
CHAN: No, no, see? See? [the printer starts to run] Hey, it's printing. [to Joey, rattled] Hey, it's printing!
(they start playing again; suddenly Monica hits the table with her hand)
(Phoebe kisses Rachel on the cheek, then joins her team.)
Phoebe: So listen, you know my friend Chris who owns the crematorium?
Phoebe: Rachel Karen Green, where's the other earring?!
[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Monica is working, Rachel is having lunch.]
Ross: (on the phone) Goodnight sweetheart! I love you. And remember, you're daddy's little girl... (covering the phone, to Rachel) Phoebe's totally ruined that for me... (he passes the receiver to Rachel)
Rachel: Come on. (they start to leave) Oh! And, uh, by the way....
Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.
Frank: Yeah!! Little Leslie is here! We got another one! Oh my God, I can't believe I have two-two children. How scary is that? (He returns to the delivery room.)
(Theres a knock on the door and Monica answers it.)
Rachel: Jill, honey, I think this is the best thing that couldve ever happened to you. I mean you needed to get out on your own anyway! And you know when I did it, I-I-I at first I was scared, and look at me now! Im the only daughter dad is proud of! Okay, well this is, this is what youre gonna do. Youre gonna get a job, youre gonna get an apartment, and then Ill help you and you can stay with us. Right Pheebs, she can stay with us?
Chandler: Okay. You have to stop the Q-tip when there's resistance!
(We hear the backup horn of a truck and see through the window that the Mr. Bowmont has arrived.)
[Cut to Gary and Monica at the counter.]
Ross: What? (Glances over and sees the faces of the rest of the group, then goes and sits down.)
Ross: Alright, ok, let's do it. (Ross sits down at the desk and they all gather around him) Uhm, I know we start by discussing the shortcomings of carbon dating... uhm, and then, then I move on to what is clearly the defining moment of the Mesozoic era, the breakup of Pangea, hello! (Rachel and Joey look confused) And then, there's the... eh... there's the overview of the Triassic.
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. I mean, I missed you so much these last few months and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then I suddenly realized that there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you.
(The game resumes.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is in the kitchen as Phoebe enters.]
(Brenda pulls a chair to the counter and uses it to get up on the counter in order to clean the top of the cabinets. Monica sneaks over, bends over, and tries to see the stain. That doesnt work so she sticks her head between Brendas legs. Suddenly Brenda changes her stance and traps Monicas head between her legs.)
Joey: Oh, so we didn't win, but it's fun to play the game, right?
Ross: It was no big deal. We-we said that the rumor was that umm you had both male and female reproductive parts.
The Director: Okay, all right. Lets do it. (He walks off.) And Action!
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.]
Phoebe: Oh no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother.
Ross: Who the hell is Jordie?
Joey: Uhh, the ball thing.
Joey: Hey, Rach, how you doing with The Shining?
(Chandler crawls over to Monica and they move in to kiss, but they cant do it and back up. They move in to kiss again, and kiss very awkwardly for a second, until someone knocks on the door.)
(She is wearing this giant straw hat, the brim on it must be at least, least foot wide.)
Chandler: Yes. Yes, and ah, ah, the trees are happy too, because for most of them, its the only chance to see New York.
Monica: Please... honey, leave the details to me. Now I wanna make this day as special for you as I can. Now, ok, I was thinking that the harpist should wear white.
Joey: Ah! (Points to door) Huh? (Leaves and slams the door)
Phoebe: Well... but David, just... I just want you to know that... that... you know... telling you this... is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
The Producer: Im sorry, why dont we do that right now? Hes right here. (Points to a guy.)
Joey: Yeah. I am sorry he's not here too, but I got to say, (takes some nachos from a plate on the seat where Chandler should have been) I am really enjoying Nacho Chair.
(The AD walks away wiping his face.)
Chandler: That was a celebration of life. Alright, look, I�m not gonna do this. Alright, is this really the way you want a baby to be conceived?
[Scene: The World Premiere of Over There, Joey and Chandler are arriving in a limo and are about to walk down the red carpet.]
The Casting Director: Okay, anytime.
Gary: Here's the thing.
Emily: I did. Now I'm the idiot.
Phoebe: Hmm, did you talk to Gary about the moving in thing?
Rachel: I have the best job in the entire world! The most adorable guy came over today, and I got to dress him up all day!
Monica: So umm, when I was in the shower I was thinking about our first night in London
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure. I mean, like in the case of this young woman, she has lost her clothes, so she rides naked on the horse, shes crying out, Where are they, where are they?
(They throw the ball back and forth once.)
[Scene: Rosss bedroom, he has fallen asleep waiting for Emily to call. He is awaken by the phone.]
PHOEBE: Yeah, well me too, yeah. I think that's the challenge.
Phoebe: Ooh, I gotta go. I found a guy that who could fix up the van for catering.
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.
MONICA: Rach, get the heat. [Rachel holds up her hand with wet fingernail polish] Ross, could you turn the heat down please?
Chandler: (Pointing to the table and picking up the box.) Is that your tiny little box, thats too small to put anything in?
Phoebe: Well, just buy the damn boat! (Shes still working her way through her tray of booze.)
PHOEBE: Ok, right there. That, that's the third sign today. Right there.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Tag are making out on the couch.]
Phoebe: Save it Red! Unless you wanna spend the night in the slammer, you apologize to the tree.
[Scene: Michelle's, Chandler and Monica are discussing how to bribe the Maitre d'.]
Ross: No-no, I got the edge. I know it's not exactly ethical but I sent him a little bribe to
[The first clip is from The One Where Rachel Finds Out.]